 Hi friends, I thought we would go through a get ready with me and I would chat with you about my health issues. A lot of you already know that I have had a little bit of a scare with my heart. So we're gonna chat just a little bit for a few minutes today while I put my makeup on. I'm not going to announce everything I'm using, but I will put it up on the screen for you so that you know and I... yeah, I just want to talk today. So what I am experiencing and if you haven't seen my other video, I will link it below for you so you can go see it. I have what's called left bundle branch blockage or block and that is basically where the left side of the heart signal is not getting to that bundle of nerves underneath the heart and so I get in a regular heartbeat or you know, it's trying to catch up, play catch up and all that good stuff. And I talk a lot more about that in the other video. So if you want to go ahead and stop Hi Oliver. Hi Oliver. Hi, hi baby. In the video today, I'm gonna be using a lot of my favorites, but I'm also going to have all of my drugstore for the year favorites. And so on that video it's gonna go up also. I think what I'll do is I'll put that video up before this one so you guys know about that and then you can see how it all works out in this video. I did get some new makeup from Flower Beauty, which was nice. They sent me a little PR package and this was in there and it is a coal liner and it's in that nude color that I use for my waterline anyway with the wet and wild pencil. But this one stays a little bit better, so I'm excited about that. So I was diagnosed with this heart problem or the heart damage a little bit ago. I've been in and out of hospitals for about a month, I guess, and just been trying to figure out what to do. And then the doctor basically said that my heart was very sound that all the tests that they had run were normal, except for the abnormality with the left bundle branch on the EKG. So he couldn't figure anything out, but what I am worried about is I get so dizzy and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Or I actually gray out, but I get somewhere where I can sit down before I actually gray out and go all the way, pass all the way out. So the doctor just basically said, you know, you have a normal heart. It's not diseased with plaque or buildup or, you know, calcification. There's no valve problems. There's no enlarging of the heart. Everything is working fine there. My output was good and the stress test was good and the Holter monitor was good, except for I did have PVCs, which is abnormal heart rate or palpitations. And I did say to the cardiologist, I said, well, what do I do for the passing out? And he's like, oh, you're passing out. And I was like, you didn't read my chart. Anyway, he just said, well, everything's OK and we're a little bit stumped, but you'll just have to come back in once a year. And so you'll just have to deal with whatever. And I'm like, OK, so I deal with passing out. I can pass out at the wheel, you know, driving, whatever, which I don't drive right now because of that, which is fine because I recognize that being behind the wheel would be something very detrimental, not just to me, but to the people that are on the road. So I just stay off the road. Oh my goodness, that is one beautiful metallic color. So I made the video about my health and there were so many of you sweet people that were nurses and worked with cardiac patients and you messaged me and you emailed me and you left them in the comments. That I shouldn't just settle for passing out and that it wasn't normal and that there could be something to help me. And that gave me so much hope. But at the same time, I know that the cardiologist that I did see was very dismissive. And so I was worried about that. And I finally decided because I had such bad day on Friday, Saturday and Sunday last weekend that I finally decided, yes, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to go and get a second opinion and try to go to this specific doctor that so many of you were talking about. And that was wonderful because not only did you let me know that there was a doctor out there, but you also let me know that there was hope and that there was, I didn't have to just deal with this or just cope with it. So I decided that I would do that and I called over there and they wouldn't do it without a referral from him, from my cardiologist. And I told him, I said, well, you need to know that I'm on the verge of passing out all the time and I don't know exactly what to do. So what happens is I will get up from a sitting position and I will just feel like the world is going gray and it's not like a swirly feeling. It's not dizzy. It's just like this flood of kind of weakness. And so you just kind of feel like you're just going to go down. And that's really the worst part of it is trying to figure out what in the world is going on. Am I going to hit my head? And you know, just trying to deal with all of that and not get scared. And I'm scared. I'm like, well, this just can't be normal. There's no way that anybody can tell me that this is normal because I don't feel normal whatsoever. So I did and I called him and finally they said that, yes, they can get a referral. And then that doctor's nurse called me and she couldn't get me in until January 26th. So I've got about five or six weeks to wait, which is okay. At least I know that something will go forward from that. But in the meantime, I feel like crap. I mean, I don't feel good at all. I feel weak. I'm exhausted. I feel like I feel like crying half of the time, which is, you know, counterproductive to what you need when you have something like this going on. And I just, I wish that there could be some answers. But I know in, you know, dealing with this so far and where it's at that there's just not really going to be a ton of answers right away. So that's kind of where I'm at. I'm just trying to cope with it and deal with it as best I can. And know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it's quite a ways away. At least I know that somebody will be looking after me instead of just saying, well, it's just something you're going to have to deal with. You're going to have it for the rest of your life, which I will have left bundle branch block for the rest of my life because it's it's damaged. It's the signal is damaged or the left part is damaged with all those nerves congregate underneath your heart. So that is damage is going to be permanent damage. I'm not going to get any better from that, but there's many, many, many people that live with this and do just fine. What I read was that you normally with a right bundle branch block or a or a left, you don't normally even know you have it unless you're passing out. Well, that's what sent me into the doctor in the first place was my passing out. So hopefully they will look at it and go, okay, well, we can help you with this. But I know with the healthcare system and how overwhelmed they are right now that they just can't, you know, they just can't do things quickly. And you know, our cardiac doctors are overwhelmed anyway, nor just on any given day because there's so many cardiac patients and very few doctors. My favorite part of using the tape is taking that off and finding that line right there because I can't do winged liner. So in the meantime, I am just going to be being careful and try really hard to to take it easy and not stress out. And that is so hard. So what I thought, besides all of that that I was going to tell you today, I was just going to kind of get you a little bit up to date on different things that I've talked about in the past and kind of just left kind of up in the air and you guys are probably still wondering about it. So in September, my mom and dad tested positive for COVID. My mom's 84 this year and my dad's 87 this year. So testing positive for COVID at their age was so scary. I mean, I've never been that worried about anything in my life. And besides the absolute exhaustion, they came through it rather okay. And I was just in shock. And I think that that is part of what's going on in our nation. We're scared of COVID. We're, of course, we're scared of COVID. It's so, it's so infectious. I mean, it spreads so easily and so quickly. And not only that, but you know, it's taking so many of our older ones. And so yeah, we're scared about it. But after that, I was like my brother and his wife. So my brother and sister in law got it too. And there she's in her 40s and he's in his 50s. So they came through it just fine as well. It's the exhaustion that they keep talking about that's so bad. My mom had a bit of that memory loss or the fog from it. And my mom was really tired after it. And then my dad, my dad didn't have any symptoms except for the exhaustion. That's all he had. And they're starting to get a lot better now. They're doing so much better. And you guys were so sweet. I mean, I went through that in September. And then I guess it was right before that happened. Bill, my husband, he took a header off of his big rig. He drives big trucks. And he was trying to get a strap off of one of them. And he pulled on it. And then it gave way. And he just went backwards over off of the truck and landed basically on his head. Well, landed on his backside and then his head. And yeah, and I had that posted with you guys. And that was scary. And then right before that, my son ended up with back surgery because he ended up completely obliterating a nerve in his vertebrae. And so they had to take the pressure off of that. So he had surgery. And a lot of you may know that I also have my daughter having a baby, which we found out around that time as well. I'm happy that I'm going to be a grandma now. And I've accepted it now. But because all of three of my children have type 1 diabetes, which is juvenile diabetes, which is very, very rare for every sibling to have it. Because all of my children have type 1 diabetes, I am just scared to death that, you know, something's going to happen to the baby, let alone my daughter having a baby while she has type 1 diabetes. Now she has a team of fantastic doctors over there in the Seattle area that are taking really good care of her, but you just never know. So I was so scared about that for such a long time. And so then I had that to deal with and COVID and, you know, just being in lockdown and not being able to do much. And it's been a really trying year. But I'm not trying to diminish the fact that I know that all of you have been through this stuff too. You all have just gone through so much. And so many of you have told me about the things that have happened to you. And my heart just aches. I know that as a human race, we are all suffering right now. And it is scary. And I realize that makeup videos aren't exactly something that people are wanting to watch right now. But I feel like for me, my makeup is my therapy. And for me to put some makeup on and to feel a little bit better about myself in that day, then I feel like I've done something. I've accomplished something. I like myself a little better when I put on makeup. And you don't have to put on a full face like what I'm doing today. You know, I am going to be doing a video very soon on a very minimal look for COVID and what we're going through. And hopefully that will give you guys some ideas of just, you know, just doing a little bit. I think makeup can be transformative like that. I think that it can really make us feel good. I do feel like 2020 has just been a mess for all of us. And we're all feeling the effects of that. And I actually feel like it's interesting because as I read other people's posts and stuff on different YouTubers, I feel like people are a little bit nicer than they were before. Maybe I'm burying my head. I know that there's still the keyboard troll haters out there. But I feel like things are just a tiny bit more real for everybody. So everybody's not feeling like they have the right to attack the other person. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm going to roll some B roll right here of me trying to do these eyebrows and just keep talking because my hands shake and I've talked about this before as well, that my hands shake really bad because I have a familial palsy, which is an inherited palsy. It's called an essential trimmer. I have it worse than any of my other family members. I have had it my whole entire life. And now in my fifties and with what's going on with menopause and all of that and also my heart stuff, I have all of a sudden developed it really bad. So I shake. It's a disability but I deal with it and I cope with it and I don't let it stop me because I love makeup and I'm not going to let it stop me. So I know that a lot of you have said that you don't know how I do it. Well, I think it's more than anything, just a bunch of practice because really isn't that what good makeups about anyway is just practice, practice makes perfect. As I'm going through this, if you wonder about any brushes or anything, I'm going to try really hard to make sure that I post those below so that you know what I'm doing. It's really hard for me to just talk and not teach because I've done it my whole life. And yeah, for me to not tell you exactly why I'm doing every single step the way I'm doing it just drives me crazy. And then I also wanted to talk to you guys a little bit about what's going to be happening with my channel. And I kind of alluded to it the other day on the community tab where you guys, it just rolls through between your videos. Anyway, I really feel strongly about taking my channel into the direction of just being a lot about what these health concerns are that you guys are talking about. I mean, we're menopause. I started in menopause like a year and a half ago. That's really hard to deal with. And then of course, you all were kind of surprised. I forget that I have so many new people here. You were kind of surprised that I had fibromyalgia, that I deal with chronic fatigue. And let's see, we better just figure it out here. Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue. I've had several nervous breakdowns with which left me with the anxiety disorder slash panic disorder. So I have regular panic attacks. I get about probably five panic attacks a week. The anxiety disorder is just about going into somewhere or being in a place where I just really feel out of control. And so that gets me. I also have PTSD from a really bad marriage I was in, if you guys don't know that. And then I also have trigeminal neuralgia. Now I have had people question whether or not I have trigeminal neuralgia. It is basically this nerve right that sits right here and it branches across your face. And something goes wrong with that. And it causes shooting pain. It causes aching pain. It causes excruciating pain actually. Doggy death match. But I'm absolutely not making light of trigeminal neuralgia because it is the debilitating disease when it is in full blown effect. I felt like I couldn't function. I was in so much pain in my face. And the ones that are the worst cases, a lot of those people, they actually have to have like surgery and surgery doesn't work. Fortunately, I got on an anti-seizure medication and that has worked for me. It doesn't work 100% because I do have bouts of it or flare ups of it where I totally feel like I can't do anything. I can't function. I can't do anything. And I had somebody say, you talk too good in order for you to have trigeminal neuralgia. Well, I know that there's degrees of it. I don't think that anybody can just say, well, you don't have something. That's like saying you don't have five or miles or because you don't have brain fog like I do. And for me, it's just like, you know, I never question anybody when they say they have a disease. I've never said to somebody, oh, you can't possibly have that because you don't have this specific symptom. How silly is that? I mean, really, shouldn't we just be saying, oh my goodness, are you getting some help? You know, and it's, it's kind of weird. And being a YouTuber people, they just feel like they can just bash you no matter what. Nobody cares what YouTubers think. Nobody. I mean, I know you guys do. Don't get me wrong. I know you guys care. But, you know, there's so many trollers out there and they just, they just go in bashing and they don't, they don't give a crap what's going on with people. They don't care that people might be in pain, that they don't see all they see is us putting on makeup and looking okay. And they think, well, you're, you can't possibly have that because of this or that or something else. How ridiculous can we get? Can we just stop for a minute and realize that everybody is going through something no matter what? I also did have somebody tell me that they loved my makeup and doing makeup and what I did with that. But they didn't want to hear every tiny deep gruesome detail of my life because I like posted about my husband and my son and my family. And I'm just like, you know, there's enough YouTubers out there that you probably can find somebody that would never talk about their life or their personal life. But that's not me because I do wear my heart on my sleeve and I find that opening up and talking about it helps me out so much. That's why I love responding to you guys because I know that so many of you are going through the same things and I know that it's so hard to keep your chin up and cope with a chronic illness. And you know, even if you didn't have a chronic illness and you just had depression, which is a chronic illness, but either way you are still coping with something that is really difficult and to dismiss that is not something that I'm going to do. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. That's kind of what's going on with me. And trying just really hard to keep my head above water just like you guys. It's everybody. I know it is. You know it is. We are all just facing this overwhelming feeling of not being okay. And I'm just hoping that we can get back to some sort of normalcy now that the vaccine is. And I know that that's controversial too. I'm not trying to tout that either way. Whatever you guys decide, that's your own personal thing. And I'm not saying anything about that either. Don't you just sometimes feel like are there any subjects that we can actually talk about and be adults about? It's sometimes it's just like, come on, we need to remember that everybody is in the same boat. Everybody is trying really hard. And I think that's why I adore all of you is because you guys just you're so supportive. It really does make me really happy when I hear that you're enjoying the videos and their distraction from everyday life. And yeah, it's just something that I've thought about for a long time that we all need those easy feelings, those nice feels that we get sometimes. And I'm a pretty positive person on the whole anyway. If you knew my background, you'd go, how in the world can you ever be a positive person? But I have learned through the years that that negativity can absolutely make or break a person because being stuck in a marriage that was really bad was impossible for me to feel good about anything. And when I say anything, I mean it was hard for me to feel good about myself and what was going on in my life. But I got over it. I overcame it and I moved forward because what alternative is there? We don't want to just be stagnant. If we're stagnant, we're not making any personal growth. And I feel like that's so important for everyone. Hi, Ollie again. And I really want to be a positive force for you as well because you guys have built me up so much and you've helped me out so much that I want to help you if I can too. I already feel like I have the best subscribers in the whole wide world because you guys are just so down to earth and you're so easy for me to talk with and chat with. And I just feel better after I make a video and talk with you guys and then I get to chat with you in the comments and things just make so much sense because you're not going through anything by yourself, you know? And I think that's really important. We're not, we're in this together is one of those ads for COVID. So if you're a woman that's over 40 and you love makeup and skincare and you love all things beauty, whether it's fashion, skincare, whatever, fragrance, haircare, all of those things, that's what I am going for in my channel. And that's what I'm going to be doing. Like I want to do more, get ready with me is where we just chat or where I'm showing you techniques or where I'm showing you different things you can do to help improve your skills. And like right now, where a lot of us aren't wearing makeup or a lot of you aren't wearing makeup, maybe just like a five minute makeup routine where you can still feel better about yourself in the day and you can just do it and not feel like you have to do this long drawn out process of a half an hour of doing makeup or something, you know? So that's really what I want to do. I want to focus on lots of get ready with me, not necessarily things that are new, although I do like bringing you things that are really beautiful. And I'm sure that I will have a few get ready with me where I'm trying all new makeup because that's what I do. That's why I'm here is I like makeup and I want to try a mountain and see what's the best. And during the Elta holiday sale, I did that huge haul so that I could dupe some of those out and I have found some really good dupes. So I'm going to be continuing to bring you dupes because we need to have a little bit of relief, even though we love our makeup, we can't necessarily just afford everything out there. So I'm excited to be going forward and doing that. So I'm going to be focusing a lot on drugstore, but I will be throwing in high end because there are some really good things in high end. I do love a lot of the things that I bought that I've never seen come out in drugstore. Everybody is so over the moon about Pat McGrath Charlotte Tilbury. And I'm telling you that this is probably the only thing that I feel like makes a huge difference. And it is her new setting spray Charlotte Tilbury airbrush flawless setting spray. And it's the new one. This is really good. I actually already sprayed it, but it's really good. It has polymers that kind of create a soft focus effect. I really do like this, but it's it's an expensive number, but I can't find anything like it at the drugstore, but I am darn sure going to be looking for it at the drugstore to find something to dupe it or at least be as good, not necessarily a straight on dupe. And here comes the boy. So I just want to tell you thank you so much for all of your love and support through all of this. I am so blessed to be a part of your lives. And I really appreciate it. And going forward, hopefully we will have a definite path forward through the 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond being able to look our best and love beauty still and kind of doing a little bit more vlog style instead of just bringing you just products. I know that I will be doing that still because I know that a lot of you really like my drugstore recommendations. And yeah, I'm playing with him. He's so easygoing. I'm going to quit talking right now. I love you guys very much. And I will catch you in my next video. Love you. Bye.