 So I had a trip. I was out of town, which meant that I couldn't watch Wheel of Time. And let me tell you, that was brutal. But I'm back and I've caught up and I've seen the last two episodes and I'm here to tell you about them. So without further ado, let's start with Episode 5. Dominate. Domain. Domain. Domain. Whatever. We open on a fleet of ships because I guess they concluded the war against the little girl. And they are searching now for new conquests. We have followed the procession of the Mouth of Sauron. She's of course accompanied by Basket Case and insurance dude. She's not really a huge turnout, if I'm honest. Mouth of Sauron shows us her sweet manicure again. Basket Case tries to do the talking for them, but their boss is like, nope, Mouth of Sauron can speak for herself. You disobeyed. You attacked a village without permission. Okay, but counterpoint, I brought back Hagrid. How dare you make decisions over your boss. Eh, maybe boss is wrong. Nope. Our mission is to bring everybody together to fight the dark, but you're out here invading distant villages, ruining everything. Oh, my bad. You're off the team. Then we have a dramatic presentation of said manicure. Dramatic sword slicing of said manicure. No, anything but the nails. Oh, hey, boss man. I got you something. Suss salesman dude saunters on up, presenting them with a horn thingy that I think from a few episodes ago they told us that was important. I don't know. We haven't heard much about that, but springing in the lunchbox with the horn in it. And it looks like boss man has a sweet manicure too. Gonna make it pretty hard to open that box though. World domination is a go. We cut to Hollister and not Galadriel just as we left them running away from Queen of the Damned. Then we cut back to Queenie who's still bleeding, but she's handling it. Bitch. She's just saying what we're all thinking. Queenie is ready for action and Hollister and not Galadriel still running. Hollister is asking all of the questions. He'd spent a minute since he was with not Galadriel. He's forgotten how cagey she can be. Not Galadriel gets busy making friends with the locals. Yo, you gotta pay for those horses. This says I don't. I do not care. You are not taking my horses. You're coming too. Or else. May I remind you that you are currently mojo-less. Then not Galadriel heads over to one of the horses and Hollister gets worried and suspicious. What are you doing? There are four horses. Can't let Queenie have one. Lady, you could just bring the fourth one with you. It can be a spare. It can carry your supplies. And we killed it. Okay, great. When Queenie catches up she spots the dead horse and is like, clever. Is it though? Then some random guy happens by and is like, hey pretty lady, can I help you? Sir, what are you doing here? In the middle of nowhere. In the middle of the night. By yourself. Just like heading nowhere it seems. Where does this road lead? Tar Valin. Mmm. Of course it does. What happened to your horse? Then Queenie beheads him with some dark side mojo. A horse. Is there anything slower than a horse? Yeah, you apparently. We cut to Queenie, galloping away. Then we cut to Wife Listen Lupin. Will my eyes change like yours? We can only hope. Human eyes, Loki suck. TBH, everything about humans sucks. You must miss something. Beer. Drinking alone is no fun. I'm never alone. Neither are you. Alright, cause wolves can see each other's thoughts and dreams. Which is...ideal? Wife Listen then tests out his supervision. Wife Listen realizes that they are going back, not following his friends. You lied to me. You're welcome. My friends. Not wolves, not pack. While I'm at it, you know who else isn't pack? Your village peeps. Wife Listen is speechless. But Lupin is not getting quite the reaction he's looking for, so he pushes a little harder, digs a little deeper. Neither was your wife. Then we have a dramatic slow turn to rage. You don't know anything about my pack. Then the stunt dogs that they hired trot forward pleasantly. I mean menacingly. Yeah, menacingly. They look pretty chill, but they've added some growling noises in post so that we know that they're actually being threatening. Okay, well, if that's how it's gonna be, I'm gonna go find my not pack. Can't run from who you are. And the dog will whimpers. And wifeless leaves. Cut to, knock a ladrial and holster. They stop. They look at the road behind them. Send off the other lady. It'll be a day or two before she discovers the truth. The truth that you slit her throat and ran away. Think she's aware. I just knew you'd be back. Tell me the truth. All of it. You didn't defeat Uber Batty in season one. You actually freed his henchmen. This dude is the chief of the baddies. But the baddies were trapped. Yeah, by you, as 1.0. But now chief is loose and he's freed Queenie. And the others? Well, if he frees them too, then we're fucked. Then holsters, jaw drops, and it's snaying dropped. Then we cut to, wifeless wandering aimlessly in the dark. The doggo followed him all. Doggo shows him the town. I told you, I'm not going back there. I need to figure out where they took my friends. Wouldn't the town be like a pretty useful place to start looking for clues about where they took your friends? But by all means, continue wandering aimlessly in the dark forest. Wifeless starts getting visions as wolves do. Ipatch's corpse is in a cage, apparently. They didn't even bury him. Such shocking behavior from people that impaled him via his mouth. Just no respect. Wait for me here. Then wifeless pulls up a boat, then finds the cage from his vision, decides to make a ton of noise, freeing the corpse. Then a caged lady is like, Bruh, that'll be loud as fuck. Some dude comes over and is like, don't get too close to her. What did she do? There's a curfew. I'll show you the inn. Where are you from? Not around here. That looks like a two rivers ring. Is there a village like famous or something? Because people keep recognizing their shit. Anyway, dude is telling wifeless about the girly in the cage and how she's bad news. The local doggo is into wifeless, naturally. Local inn keep updates wifeless on the situation in the town post-invasion. Then the KKK wants some info from this new dude. The new dude says, girly in the cage is tough stuff and will not be answering any questions. KKK hears the doggo barking and is triggered. Chill bruh, no wolves here. Cut to. Queenie finding the decoy lady with the horses. Which like, did they need to give her all the horses? Couldn't this lady have taken like two of them? And then not glad real and how else to ride off with the other one? Just in a different direction. Just spitball in here. She's more ruthless than I imagined using you as bait. You and us both. Queenie melds decoy lady's mouth and rides off. We cut to. Headquarters area. Mysterious rider coming into town. Oh, it's cougar lady's roommate. Happy reunion with some more peeps that we don't know. Cut to. Mean girl, cliff, princess and red on the dark scary path. Why? You broke the mojo swear. Not for the first time. Did you like some exposition on the mojo swear? You didn't want me for team red. You wanted me for team dark side. Yep. You'll change your mind. Then we cut to. Insurance dude in basket case and... Melhawk. Finished pouting. You're the one that wanted to go there. We should just kill the head dude. You're so dumb, LeMell. You need me. Oh, do I? Sorry, my bad. Oh, this is the mouth of Sauron. Man, she should put that mask back on ASAP. Insurance guy says something ominous. I don't really know. Cut to. Wife-less once more returning to the cage. But this time he's gonna try and free the girly that's bad news. He's very noisy, but somehow no one hears. Why are you helping me? People shouldn't be in cages. My water is yours. And they spend a really long time talking, so of course the KKK surround them. Then Chani shows off Desert Power, which these Harkinans are no match for. Much-wishing very well. Chani's about to kill this KKK dude, but Wife-less is like... No, he is my friend. Really? Cut to. Not Galadriel and Hollister in a new town. Queenie is super dangerous. She can hurt you in your dreams. You can keep us awake with Mojo, right? About that. They head in to see not Galadriel's sister and nephew. Hollister is not hiding what he thinks of this dude's hair. You must be my aunt's water. Uh, no. Oh, my bad. Come to my wedding! Can you believe I'm marrying the Queen? Which makes me your king. Anyway, I'm gonna shower. Can you feed Hollister? Get him some clothes. Cut to. Headquarters, where there's a girly dusting something that does not need dusting. Why? Then Cougar's roommate comes in. Happy to see some dust on that switch. Oh, that's why. Where can I find Mean Girl and Cliff and Princess in class? Nope. You think they might be ditching? Um, let me check. Looks like they're on a field trip. I don't know. You forgot? Seems sus. And then Cougar's roommate's friend from earlier sneaks in to look at the records. Seems like she's found something sus. Cut to that friend telling Cougar's roommate that she's got a photographic memory and she noticed some weirdness in the handwriting. Look and see for yourself. So she made a copy? Like handwrote from memory? The wobbliness of the handwriting? To show? It's okay. Cut to. Mohawk, unfortunately maskless. Red has come to see her. I guess she made good time on those dark scary paths. Red and Mohawk have an expository dick waving contest. Red sets our girls loose before piecing out. Princess throws around some mojo. The girlies flee. But Mohawk's team captures Cliff. Whoops, too slow. Cut to. Wifeless and Shawnee. She's got lots of exposition to share. She's looking for Moa Deep. But in the meantime, she's DTF. Wifeless is extremely uncomfy. Then we cut to. Mean girl and princess trying to blend in. Mean girl decides to make a scene. Princess is like, can you not? Princess notices that the soldiers are not locals. I don't care. I only care about finding Cliff. Listen, you're drawing attention. You're going to get us both caught. We need to keep a low profile and change our clothes. Our clothes aren't fancy enough for you. I'll choose the worst. And of course, Mean Girl's antics. Do get them noticed and caught. Cut to. Cougars remain having a chat with Red telling Red that she's looking for Mean Girl and Cliff. I hear they're on a field trip. Oh, shit. I heard that field trip got attacked. We should probably do something about that. I'm on to you. Cut to. Not gladrial. Breathing deep. Poor thing. Must be hard being you. Your horses are being readied. You going to tell me what happened? Nope. Sis starts kind of weirdly sponge bathing. Not gladrial. Giving her a sisterly pep talk. You have no idea what you're doing, do you? Well, maybe not a pep talk exactly. Hollister needs protecting. And I don't know what to do. I've put you in danger, I think. When I was lit, my older sister told me if I was upset or scared, I should ask myself, is it true? Is it true? Does Hollister, beyond a shadow of a doubt, need your protection? Not gladrial seems inexplicably relieved by this. Damn, that was some good advice, huh? What about? Cut to. Insurance guy cuddling with Hollister? Oh, okay, it's Queenie. Looking real Trinity. The exchange some expository gibberish. Trinity catches him up on not gladrial being the one to attack her. She's miffed that he left her alive. Insurance guy is unfazed. Aren't you worried I'll betray you? He murmurs something about dark plans, breaking the wheel, blah, blah, blah. Then she reminisces about her Neo. Insurance guy broods about the village peeps. Insurance guy wakes up and is summoned to the throne courtyard. Boss man just decided that he wants to know insurance guy's backstory. Insurance guy talks nonsense about moons and magic. You may ask one thing of me. I request you receive a gift from Mohawk. Cut to. Mean girl waking up in a bed with princess? Turns out they were captured by a girl boss and her simp. That's lucky. Simp knocked them out for their safety. Very Jessica Rabbit of him. I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk so he wouldn't get hurt. Cut back to Mohawk bringing Cliff to boss man. They put a collar on her which has this fun expanding feature. Her mojo seems to get sucked out and they put a leash on her. Cliff seems very upset about this turn of events. Then we cut to not gladrials nephew bonding with Hollister. Not gladrials figured out that Trinity might not want to kill Hollister since you know she had plenty of opportunity to do so at any time while not gladrials wasn't there and didn't so you know. Not gladrials gives us some exposition about how Trinity loved her original Neo but he broke her heart. Now not gladrials wants Hollister to get close to her. You know I think she was legit kind of into me. All right well whatever you want to do. So Hollister is going to go to sleep so that she'll enter his dreams while not gladrials watches. What if you fall asleep? I don't have that option. Okay the thing is sometimes people just do fall asleep without wanting to or meaning to. I think he's asking what you are planning to do to guard against that happening. Cut to the dream and Hollister's in chains and Trinity is thrilled. Which brings us to episode six. Eyes without pity. Words I can pronounce. We open on Cliff getting dragged literally. Cliff tries to punch the Mord Sith with little success. She learns she can't hurt them and can't remove her new bling. My peeps don't but I believe in cultivating friendship. What's your name? Look I'm gonna have to torture you until you tell me. So if you could just- Okay okay what is this place? Your new home obviously. Cut to? Dreamland. I can't believe I trusted you. What makes you think you can't trust me? Looks at the bondage. Okay fair enough. She sets him free. I was protecting you, you know. You're welcome. Where are your friends at? Nowhere, that's where. My friends would never betray me. Nackaladriel has been a real bitch, don't you think? Okay, Trinity's making some very valid points. Listen, you tell me what insurance guy's up to. Maybe I'll trust you. I have one condition. Hollister wakes up. What did you say? To get the fuck away from you. Cut to gambler. Finally having a swell time with Barkie. And that's it. Cut to? Mean girl and princess bickering in a shocking turn of events. Mean girl is taking zero responsibility for their current situation. Can y'all shut the fuck up? So what's the sitch? What are y'all doing? Why don't you ask Red? Whaaat? Rot row. Cut to? Red being creepy with her old dude's son. Trinity drops by. Why do you work for insurance guy? I thought you hated dudes. Except for this one I guess. Men are the worst and yet here we are. You turn to the dark side to keep this dude alive. But like at what cost? She starts killing him. Red seems upset but does nothing. Trinity continues killing him. Listen, you're on the dark side. Not insurance guy's side. Yeah, I'm sure this really endeared you to Red. Cut to? Hagrid performing for Mohawk's party. It's groaning. Everyone laughs. But then a tree starts growing. Aw shit. Very good. Very good. Hagrid and the other captured dude sneakily plot to get both the horn and Cliff back. Cut to? Cliff? Struggling. She attacks the Mord Sith. J.K. that was wishful thinking. She does try it in real life though but is unsurprisingly unsuccessful. You can't touch anything you believe could be a weapon. Pour me a glass of water. Cliff considers it, imagines using it as a weapon. Whoops. Cliff dreams of escape. Cut to? Barkeep dreaming of insurance guy? Or possibly actually meeting him? Not sure. He wants her to get Gambler and Hollister together. You saw my vision of them. Do this. I'll take away your vibe check thing. Cut to? Simp, Fruit Lady and the other simps. They exchange some exposition for retiring for a fun evening. Simp tries to leave but the other simps stop him. They start talking about that blood oath chant thing. And then Fruit Lady uses her mojo on him and they are super suddenly suspicious of Simp for some reason. They want to know why he wants to know where the head girl boss is and he's like it's about no collage rule. Why are you lying? Oh fine. We found 2.0. I really don't know what any of that was about. Cut to? Our resident 2.0 Hollister having a real bad dream again. This is where you're headed bruh. You're not welcome. Trinity kinks out insurance guy. She's pretty handy. See told you I was protecting you. But also I did some thinking and you were right. I did behave kind of sus. Let me make it right. I'll show you a thing you want to see. Dealers choice. Naturally Hollister picks Cliff. Trinity creepily hangs out though to watch this meeting. Cliff who thinks that he is dead is understandably confused and upset about him suddenly appearing before her. What happened to you? And then Trinity yanks him out again. What happened to her? I know where she is. Tell me. Insurance guy has them. Obviously. I'll do anything. Awesome. Cut back to. Cliff waking up super confused. Naturally she thinks she has hallucinated her dead boyfriend. She tries to make friends with her neighbor and the other cell but her neighbor seems to have fully drunk the Kool-Aid. Then we cut to pacifier walking around town. Cut to. Girl boss and simp and mean girl and princess. You gotta tell headquarters about red. Nope. We're not leaving till we get Cliff back. I mean y'all could go and get back up. There's a thought. Ugh, fine. If we want it for your pal here's what we gotta do. Cut to. Not Galadriel writing Jabrish. Nephew stops by with a snack. Fuck off. He does not take the hint at first but eventually does give up. Sister apparently tried to warn him but she is pissed. But dad was dying. You were all he wanted. But no. Okay. That does it. Get the fuck out. Well, I'm the older sister so this is my house per se. You're only here cuz I let you be. Poor not Galadriel. Life really is terrible for people that treat other people terribly. Cut to. Head girl boss being intercepted by simp. It's not Galadriel. Cut to. 2.0 getting a visit from Hollister. Trained me. Hold on, why should I? Cuz I'm important. So I'm your only path to also being important. Okay, fair enough. Here's what you gotta do. Tap into your mojo. Okay, yes. Whoa, too much. Hollister pukes. Hollister walks about town and spots gambler. Happy reunion ensues. Where is everyone? About that. Let's catch up then. Cut to. Girl boss with Mean Girl and Princess working on their mojo lock brinking project. We got some exposition about the locks. Then cut to. Cliff trying to break free. Mord's Sith offers some exposition, tells her the girl boss is basically enslaved already. Might be a more convincing argument if you weren't literally torturing Cliff. You're so special. I am. Come with me. Mojo gets pulled from Cliff into Mord's Sith Cuff. Focus on that tree you love. Cliff's mojo goes wild. And the tree burns. And this makes Cliff happy. Pour yourself some water. You earned it. Cliff dramatically attempts it, but is apparently still thinking of herding the Mord's Sith with it. So that's a no-go. Mord's Sith takes it personally. I thought we bonded over that tree burning, but I guess not. Cut to. Mean Girl and Princess plotting and bickering and bonding over Cliff. Cut to. Hollister giving gambler the recap. He has Cliff. So if we're gonna rescue her, there's just one thing I've gotta do first. Cut to. Barkeep having a rough time. Barkeep appears to be day drinking. Gambler tells her about running into Hollister. Ah, fuck. Listen, my vibe check says you're gonna kill your pal. No, no, no, no, no. How did you even know him? You set me up. I didn't mean to. Gambler puts together that she was a plant from the beginning. I thought you were my friend. I am. That's why I'm warning you. Cut to. Not Galadriel deciding to apologize to her nephew. Your sandwiches are good. You'll be a great king. That must be some damn good sandwiches. Awkward hug. Head girl boss is in town and wants to see you. Cut to. Head girl boss making a dramatic entrance. Cut to. Hollister waiting for gambler. Gambler decides to ghost him instead of explaining the situation. But Simp is here. Cut to. Cliff looking worse her. Cut to. Mean girl princess and girl boss mojo lockpicking. Mean girl overdoes it a bit. Turns out the lock needs to be healed. And the way to heal it is for it to be locked onto a girl boss. Rut roe intruder roller. It's up to you now. Okay. Wow, this is so epic. Back to. Cliff not doing great. Pour the water. She struggles. Still can't do it. Cut to. Local Simp. Keep and watch. Spots pacifier. Everyone flees. Face off between local girl boss and Simp and pacifier and co. Back to. Cliff struggling. Back to. Face off interpretive dance. Back to. Cliff still struggling. Mord Sith takes things up a notch by choking Cliff. Back to. Face off with local girl boss and Simp losing. Back to. Cliff still choking. Back to. Face off. Simp tries to mercy and kill girl boss but he gets killed. Back to. Cliff getting lectured. Back to. Face off. Back to. Cliff. Back to. Face off. Girl boss avenging Simp. Back to. Cliff. Back to. Face off. Girl boss dying. Back to. Cliff struggling. Pour. Finally Cliff is broken and manages to pour the water and screams. Cut to. Cliff's neighbor and it turns out it's the blue boss lady. Done. Done. Done. So yeah a whole lot happened in these two episodes by which I mean we cut back and forth a lot between the characters. Anyway I can't wait to see what we find out next week um but uh you know I'm I'm really eager to see where this where the where the story goes next and hopefully next week our characters will not die which I believe is their current goal. Yeah. Bye.