 Netflix crapped out a sequel to Bird Box, five years after the original, and I wasted my time watching it. I'm gonna refrain from spoilers in this review outside of this one. The movie sucks. Before I see my way into this film review, make sure not to turn a blind eye to the subscribe button and pop it now. Make sure you are subscribed to this channel so you get all the movie reviews every single week. I post a lot. Look, I haven't seen the original Bird Box since it hit five years earlier. It starts Sandra Bullock. I remember that. She's always lovely. She's always charming. She's always frantically trying to get away from something I noticed. In this case, it's a creepy entity of unknown origin who's making people kill themselves. And no, I'm not talking about Aquafina's voice. This is essentially the plot of the happening, except for there isn't evil trees in nature trying to make people kill themselves. But this weird, unknown, possibly alien, potentially a god? Well, that's not really covered until now, because Bird Box Barcelona follows a man of faith, or so he believes, trying to do the right thing. This is why you shouldn't blindly trust anyone, not even yourself. There was another movie by Netflix that came out a few years ago called The Cloverfield Paradox. It was a prequel, I believe, or a companion film to the original Cloverfield and Cloverfield Lane, which was also a repurposed movie set in the same vein as Cloverfield. That one's actually good though. The Cloverfield Paradox blows ass. And it was even more apparent, it had nothing to actually do with Cloverfield, but they just wrapped some crap around it. This is exactly how Bird Box Barcelona feels. It doesn't even seem like it's set in the same universe. The entity, for instance, seems to have different sets of rules this time around. At one point an animal is infected, and I thought in the first film that wasn't even a thing, that could happen, birds clearly weren't. But maybe that's just me harping on something, and it kind of is because that's the least of this film's problems. I should point out the first big difference right out of the gates. This film's in subtitles. It's a foreign flick, takes place in Barcelona. Hence the title, Bird Box Barcelona. And I don't know if this is a me problem in a setting I can change somewhere in Netflix, but I don't like that it defaulted to this terrible English dub. I wish it would have started in the native. I wish it had subtitles. Instead, I'm sitting there for 10 minutes looking at people's mouths and going, is this wrong? I looked at my wife and daughter who were trying to watch it. My wife checked out, honestly, 10 minutes in. My daughter bounced at the 50 minute mark. She was ghost. And I sat there stewing in my own patheticness, thinking, this is my life. This is what I'm doing with it. Watching Bird Box Barcelona bullshit. But I wasn't crazy, even though my wife was like, Adam, you're stupid. It's perfectly in sync. And then when it wasn't, she was like, oh, maybe you're right. And like, oh, yeah, you think, you think, and then we got divorced. You know, it was always going to happen when a Bird Box sequel came out. That was going to be the one that pushed us over. That was the final nail. But let me stay forward focused. Getting away from the deadpan delivery of the voiceover work. Once I got it into the subtitles, it was a much better experience, but that would be the only upside going forward. The film is cheap looking. It's not shot very well. The special effects are very rushed. For some reason, anytime this entity attacks, these leaves come up. There's leaves everywhere. Entity takes someone out. Leaves rustle and come up into the air. They look fake as ass. Another time the entity takes someone. Wait, the entity. Isn't that what the name is in the new Mission Impossible? They call it the entity, the AI. Oh my God. I can't say that word anymore. They said it so many times in that film. Okay, we're going to call it from now on the threat or the creature or the alien or whatever. You know what I'm saying. The thing makes someone die inside of a house. CG leaves are just in a corner. There's leaves everywhere is the punchline I'm going for and failing. So on the negative so far, kids, we have bad special effects. We have reading required unless you want to listen to bad voice acting. I don't mind the reading, but to some it's going to be a major turnoff. It's like, I'm watching a movie here. If I want to read, I'll pick up a book. I'm watching a movie here. And the biggest negative I can give is the lead actor is so freaking unlikable. I shouldn't say the lead actor, the lead character. You see, Sebastian is the bad guy of the movie for 80% of this film. He's a villain. He's killing innocent people at the behest of his God that he thinks is talking to him. And this isn't a spoiler. This is well-known material 10 minutes into the film actually less time than that. Okay, he's with this girl. They're trying to get to safety. But wait, now he's hijacking a bus from people that trusted him with people in the bus and he's taking them outside into the sun and now they're dead and now they're gone. And he's like, you're forgiven now or I got to show you something and then they die. Why? Why would I want to follow this prick around? And so the question is, is he doing it for the good of whatever God it is or the bad? It doesn't matter. In fact, I don't actually know because 80% into the film, I checked the fuck out. I was done. I've only stopped watching a movie two or three times and every single time I point this out, someone in the comments inevitably says, you didn't even finish the movie. How can you give a fair criticism of this when you didn't even finish it? And then I reply in such a witty manner. Hey, do you finish 80% of the meal before you decide it sucks? Or did you get that figured out once the first bite of raw meat went into your mouth? It's not hard to gauge a movie when you've watched almost all of it and nothing is working. There isn't going to be some amazing aha reveal that's going to make you go, oh my God, everything up into this point is now perfect or 10 times better. No, it was asked then, it's asked now. And I'm even being a little bit unfair to myself because I did let this movie finish and I glanced up from time to time. But when we got at the hour and 25 minute mark or something, I busted out the laptop and I started getting some work done while glancing. I was grazing the film at the end. So I actually do know how it ends. I know the good guys, the bad guys, but we're keeping that safe for the four people that are going to watch Bird Box 2 and want to go in fresh. Movies naturally an hour and 52 minutes long has to be longer than an hour and a half because fuck me. Why would I want to do anything else with my time? Let's make it a little longer than it needs to be. And it does feel, it feels long. The pacing is pretty much a chore. There are some people that come and go with very little character development and then they're instantly destroyed. Anyways, because you know, Sebastian's just trying to lead them outside. It's such a stupid uninteresting premise. Sebastian goes to area one. He convinces people to come outside to meet their maker and then they're dead. Then Sebastian moves on to more people because he's just a conduit for the God's voice to speak to these individuals. Then he kills them. And every time he makes one of these stops, I have to listen to some dumbass backstory between some old people that are on the verge of a divorce. Like, I don't care. Just die already. And now I'm not even talking about the movie. I'm talking about the people I saw at the store the other day. But in the movie, there's people too like that. I also hate his dumb goggles that he wears. I just want to pull him back and flick it. I really have nothing left to say about this. There's no exciting set pieces. The stuff that's there is very underwhelming. I don't find any of it interesting and it's sad that there's a sequel to this movie. The first bird box I thought was fine. It was good enough, especially for a straight to streaming thing. It was one of the earlier big movie releases on the platform. You had Sandra Bullock in there being pleasant, doing her thing. You had an interesting premise. You didn't know what the hell this mysterious thing was. It was fine. It was a good, fine setup and a good payoff. This has nothing good on it. The setup's terrible. The execution's worse. And the payoff's not there because I was doing some work on my laptop. Well, there you have it. Bird Box of Bullshit Barfilona. I don't recommend this. Let me know though if you wasted your time watching it. Leave a comment. Am I absolutely off? And this was a great sequel to a brilliant first film. Was this better than the Bullock vehicle? I want to hear your thoughts in the comments. And if you liked it, please like the video. I could use the likes. I think it helps the algorithm, but I'm not actually sure. The entity hasn't made itself known. Also, subscribe if you haven't. I post tons of movie content each and every week. We'd love to have new faces on the channel. Stick around. If you really like what I'm doing, I have Patreon. Patreon.com slash Adam does movies. You can also join right here on YouTube. Save yourself a journey outward and just become one right here. Lots of good perks, different tiers. I would appreciate the support. I'm a one man show, one man operation, and I want to keep the lights on. So any help you can give, very appreciated. All right. Hopefully I see you next time. Oh, see.