 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris, this orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with Life Begins at Suite 16 from Scandals. On one of our recent programs, we said the Jell-O was delicious, served perfectly plain. Well it seems that one of our listeners objected to that, or she wrote in and said, there's no such thing as plain Jell-O. The shimmering mold of Jell-O in any one of those six beautiful colors just simply can't be plain. Well of course she's right about that, but what we meant was this. You don't have to add anything to Jell-O to make it delicious. You can serve it without any special dressing up and you'll have a grand dessert every time. For Jell-O brings you delicious extra rich fruit flavor that rivals the flavor of the fresh ripe fruit itself. But whether you serve Jell-O plain or with fruits, nuts, or whipped cream, you'll always find it makes a grand dessert. So insist on genuine Jell-O. Don't accept any substitutes. For there's only one Jell-O and only Jell-O brings you that special extra rich flavor. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Life Begins at Suite 16 from Scandals. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you that all around swell guy, a man I'm proud to call my friend, one of the sweetest fellows that I've ever been associated with, Jack Benny. Well, Jell-O again, this is Sugar Benny talking. And Don, tell me what happened. My goodness, what's come over you? Oh, nothing, Jack, but after three years of working together so harmoniously, I feel that you deserve such a tribute from me. Oh, I see, Don. It took you three years to get that old feeling. I assure you had no other reason for that lovely eulogy. I mean no ulterior motive. Oh no, Jack, I've always been very fond of you in regard to you as a real pal. Oh, then the fact that there are only 12 more shopping days till Christmas had nothing to do with it? Huh? Absolutely not. I like you whether you buy me a gold cigarette case with my monogram on it or not. Hmm, then you weren't hinting or anything? No, Jack, I swear it on a box of Jell-O. What flavor? Raspberry. I thought so. I knew there was a reason for those sugary sentiments. Oh, hiya, Phil. Hello, Jack, old boy. Glad to see you, baby. Baby? Hmm, he likes me too. You know, folks, it's funny how the Yuletide season can put wings on a rat. So you're glad to see me, huh? Yes, Jack, and I never saw you looking better. Boy, you look like a million dollars. No, I do, huh? Well, I'm not going to spend any of it, so don't be so complimenting me. You and Donna have become great fans of mine all of a sudden. Jack, I always thought you were a great guy and a very talented artist. Then why didn't you tell me? What for? You know it. Oh, that's right. And furthermore, that compliment I paid you had nothing to do with the Christmas present. That's a lie. It is not. Then take a note. All right, may I almost drop dead if I'm lying? That's fine, Phil. I'm going to nearly give you a present. Well, practically thanks. Let me tell you something, Phil. The way you've been acting this past year and your general attitude toward me, I wouldn't spend over 50 cents on a gift for you. You wouldn't spend over 50 cents on New Year's Eve? Why, I would, too. You'd have to get cockeyed first. Well, a little anesthetic helps. Anyway, I'm too smart to be fooled by you guys when you and your false compliments. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, honeybunch. Honeybunch? Well, I suppose I'm a swell guy. You're glad to see me. And I look like a million dollars. You took the words right out of my hand. Oh, I see. Why don't you ask me for a kiss now? Go ahead. It's near Christmas. You ask me for a kiss and I'll turn you down so fast it'll make your head swim. That's more than your kiss would do. Oh, I don't know. I'm not so bad. How about the other night in the Trocadero when the lights went out? Was that you? Yes. Then I apologize. Oh, you apologize. Well, you wouldn't any other time. Why is it that you and Phil and Don are always so sweet to me right before Christmas and so nasty the day after? Look at the presents you give us. Well, what am I supposed to do? Spend a fortune on gifts for this bunch? No, but you're not supposed to win them on a punch board. A punch board? Yes. Say, if I can pick up a star sapphire for a quarter, I'm gonna do it. Anyway, I like a little action when I spend money. I like to gamble. You like to gamble. You know I do. Didn't I try to make a bet with you on the Rose Bowl game? I'll say you tried. Why didn't you take him up, Phil? He only wanted California in 87 points. I did not. Mary was standing right there with me in front of the brown derby when I suggested the bet. What did I say, Mary? I don't know. I was flirting with a sailor. It's a fine thing, a girl like you standing on the street flirting with a sailor. You didn't even know his name. I did, too. What was it? SSY Oming. Well, you must have seen it someplace. Anyway, Phil, if you still want that bet, if you still want that bet, you're gonna have it. Go on, I'll bet with gamblers. Oh, I suppose I'm not. Well, around O'Farrell's pool room in Waukegan, I was known as Nick the Greek. Yes, sir. Is that true, Jack? Why, Don, I used to bet 10, 15 cents on the turn of a card. And if I lost, Ishka Bibble. You can't help yourself, Don. I'm a gambler and it's in my blood. Some gambler. He plays a slot machine with an axe. I do, huh? I had to hear this gang talk. You think I was a regular miser. I'm not afraid to part with my money. Then why do you keep a police dog in your pocketbook? A police dog? Now, that's just trying to be funny, that's all. I'll show you. Now look, folks, here's my pocketbook. You can see for yourself. Is there a police dog in it? I've been framed! All the low-underhanded tricks. Play, Phil. Now come clean, Mary. Did you have anything to do with this? That was Dipsy Doodle, played by Phil Harris and his orc. Orc? Yes, we've got a long program tonight, Mary, so I'm abbreviating. Anyway, it was very good, Phil. I thought that number was terrific, really coloss. Thanks, Jack, I appreciate that. That's the idea, Phil. You saved us half a sec there. Didn't he, Mary? Oh, but death. Well, Livy, that's co-opping. Jack, is our program really so long tonight? I'm afraid it is, Don. I see. Ladies and gents, when you're out shopping for an economic dessert, go to your naïve gross and consider jello. Very good, Don, very good. It comes in six delish flaves, straw, brass, chair, or lemon lumb. Lumb? He forgot abner. Quiet. So remember, folks, none is gin without the big red lets on the bees. That was swell, Don. Let's give him a hand, fellas. That's enough. Well, we must have saved about an hour and a half there. And now, folks, for our feature attraction of the evening and dramatic highlight, Kenny Baker will walk in late as usual. I'm not late. I was sitting here all the time. You were? Then why didn't you speak up? Because I didn't feel like it. That's why. What's the matter with you, Kenny? You're still fighting with your girl? Yes. Darn that love life of mine. Well, it's interfering with your work, and I won't put up with it. Now what happened? Oh, I went over to her house last night, and when I got there, I found another fellow sitting on a sofa with her. And she said it was her brother. Well? And she was kissing him. Well, that's no crime. A girl can kiss her brother, can't she? Not like that. Well, Kenny, she's got another fellow. Maybe your technique is wrong. Won't you ever bring her a present or anything? Oh, sure. Every time I go to see her, I bring a package of gum. I give her two sticks, and I take two sticks. Then what? We chew like the dickens. Well, that must be exciting. I'll bet when the flavor's gone, he goes home. Yeah. Imagine them sitting there, each chewing two sticks of gum. What happens to the extra stick, Kenny? The other guy gets that. Well, you're too generous. I'll tell you what to do, Kenny. Why don't you buy her a nice gift for Christmas? You know, something she can use, like perfume or stockings. Stockings? Yeah. See, I'd be a shame to ask for those. Oh. If you're afraid, Kenny, I'll buy them for you. No, I'll buy them. It might be a thrill. Sure it will, Kenny. You'll get a kick out of it. And now, folks, now that Kenny feels better, he's going to sing one of the... Pardon me, come in. Special delivery for Jake Benny. Right here, boy, and my name is Jack. I don't know you. Mine's Harry. Harry, that's a fine name with that bald head of yours. You should see my chest. Well, button your shirt and give me that letter. There you are. Goodbye. Who's the letter from Jack? Wait a minute. Hey, Mary, this letter's for you. It came in care of me. Let's have it. Oh, Jack, it's from my mother. You haven't opened it yet. How do you know? She makes her own postage stamps. Oh. Well, let's hear what the old comedian has to say. Read it, Mary. I think your mother's arrived. Yeah, go ahead. We haven't got all night. Okay. Plainfield, New Jersey, December 10th. My dear daughter, Mary, I haven't written you in some time as I've been busy preparing for the holidays. I received your letter and thanks very much for the check. It would have come in handy, but the landlord grabbed it on the first bounce. Well, huh? Right now, we're having a siege of zero weather here in Plainfield. It has been so cold the last two weeks, your father hasn't taken a bath since June. June, my, my. Last Monday was the coldest day of the year. It was so bad, we had to milk the cow with an ice pick. Boy, that is cold. Your uncle Julius. What is it, Mary? Your uncle Julius was showing off yesterday. Go on, Mary, read it. Your uncle Julius was showing off yesterday and went outdoors without his earmuffs. Yes. So today he's going out without his ears. Well, it serves him right. This caused a lot of trouble as now we have to glue his glasses on. I bet he looks funny at that, huh? Your cousin Otto was visiting us over the holidays and he still walked in his sleep. So for Christmas, we are giving him pajamas with a cane to match. That was thoughtful, I think. Tell Jack we bought him a beautiful Christmas present too. Well. We are sending it to COD as Jack always likes to know what things cost. Hope it's something cheap. Must close now, so Merry Christmas to you, Don, Phil, Kenny and Nick the Greek. As usual, your mother. As usual. Well, that was all right, mama. Still up to par there. Oh, say, Jack. Yes, Don. It's getting rather late. Now, what kind of a player are we going to do tonight? Oh, we won't have time for that, Don. Besides, I've got to get all my Christmas shopping done. I've been putting it off and off. And today I'm going to do it. There goes $8. Now, I wish that was all. Don, announce Kenny's song and give him a good build up, will ya? Sure, I'll handle it. Can I go with you, Jack? I've got a lot of shopping to do too. Okay, come along, Mary. So long, fellows. Goodbye, everybody. Are you ready for your song, Kenny? All set. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Kenny Baker, the tenor of the Jell-O show, will sing Am I in Love from Mr. Dodd Takes the Air, accompanied by Phil Harris and his Jell-O Orchestra, which comes to you through the courtesy of Jell-O. Boy, what a break. Sing it, Kenny. I'm the stingle every time we meet My heart goes bitter pattern Then seems to miss a beat Writing and reciting poetry What can it be if you ask me By the victim all The thing that makes a tiger tender There must be something wrong with and a million That was Am I in Love sung by Kenny Baker. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you to one of Hollywood's biggest department stores Where we find... See this store is crowded. Everybody pushing and shoving. Here, give me your hand, Mary. That's going me. My name's Kelly. Oh, pardon me, lady. Mary, Mary, where are you? Well, take them off and stick to me. Now, let's see. What's first on my list? The four shirts, six handkerchiefs, three pair of socks, two hand towels. Oh, darn it. This is my laundry list. I sent some stuff out this morning. I thought you did your own. I was too busy this week. Anyway, I know what I want. Now, let me see. First, I want to get a little gold-plated key chain for Phil. Yeah, there's something he doesn't need. He does, too. He always carries a lot of keys in his pockets. That guy knows more doors. Yeah. Here's the counter right over here. Oh, yes. Pardon me, sir. I'd like to buy a chain. Dog watch or daisy? Look, and I want a key chain. You know for keys. How about a nice fountain pen? I don't want a fountain pen. I want a chain. How can you write a letter with a chain? Now, look, young man, I don't want to write a letter. Oh, you don't, eh? No. Guys like you that cause all the trouble in this country. What trouble? Now, wait a minute. Do you want to sell me a chain or not? I wouldn't sell you a chain if you were an Elks tooth. Oh, come on, Mary. Let's go. Why don't you take the fountain pen, Jack? Phil could lead the orchestra with it. All right. How much is that fountain pen? Four dollars. All right. Here you are. Wrap it up, and I haven't got all day. Okay. Hey, what's the idea of wrapping that pen in a blotter? It leaks a little. Four dollars for a leaky pen. I ought to have you fired. You can't do it. Why not? I don't work here. It's a fine store. Now, let's go to the toy department, Jack. I want to get some dolls for a couple of kids, I know. Yeah, I wonder where it is. Wait here, Mary. I'll ask the floor walker. Pardon me, sir. Could you direct me to the toy department? The toy department? Yes. You take the elevator. Where's the perfume counter, please? Two aisles to the right, madam. Straight ahead. Now, what was it you wanted? The toy department. Oh, yes. The toy department. You take the elevator. Excuse me, where do I get Christmas cards? The third floor, center aisle. Thank you. Now, let's see. You wanted the... The toy department, please. Oh, yes. Excuse me. You take the elevator. Oh, floor walker, have you seen my little boy? Madam, I've seen thousands of little boys. Well, that's not the one. Goodbye. Now, look, mister. Oh, pardon me. You wanted lampshades, didn't you? No, I wanted toys. The toy department. Oh, of course. Now, you take the elevator. I've taken it three times already. My goodness. Well, don't get huffy about it. I'm not getting huffy, and I don't want any back talk. Got a good mind to report you. What's your name? Woo-woo Smith. Oh. Hey, Jack, I found out where it is. It's on the fourth floor. Okay, Mary, let's take the elevator. Now, stay close to me. Oh, Jack, look. There's Kenny over by the lady's hosiery counter. Oh, he finally did it. Oh, yes. Look at him blushing. Let's sneak over, huh? Now, young man, for the tenth time, what do you want? Well, I... Oh, you laugh. Oh, come on now, please. I'm very busy. All right. I want a pair of stockings. What kind? For legs. Oh, hello, Kenny. Oh, hello, Jack. Boy, what I've just gone through. Well, come along with us. We're going up to the toy department. You can get the stockings later. Okay. Now, here's the elevator, Jack. Yeah. Going up? Watch your step, please. Let's get in quick. It's awfully crowded here. Hey, you stop pushing. I'm not pushing, lady. I'm just trying to get in the elevator. Well, you don't have to get rough about it. I'm just trying to get in the elevator. I'm just trying to get in the elevator. I'm just trying to get in the elevator. Well, I'm sorry. That's all you can expect from a guy that drives a Maxwell. I'll ignore that. Oh, Kenny. Kenny. Hey, Mary, we lost Kenny. We did not. I'm standing on him. Standing on him? Yeah. Going up? Hang on to your hats. Store eyes. Second floor. Flat-eye and sofa pillow. Submarines, aspen tablets, and horseradish. Going up? Say, boy, this elevator is awfully crowded, isn't it? You should see it on bank night. It sure is packed. Breathe in, Jack, so I can breathe out. Quiet. Stuff furniture. Stuff dials. Stuff celery. And stuff. Stuff. Next up. What is this? A train? I think so. I got a cinder in my eye. That's my heel. On the floor. Donning needles. Knitting needles. Hyperdermic needles. And needles California. Not the toys on this floor? Must be just the end of the line. Come on, Marion, Kenny. Going down? All aboard. Mary, get away from those tracks. Now, let's see. Where are the toys? There's a floor walker at Kim. Oh, yeah. Excuse me, sir. Where's the doll department? The doll department? Yes. You won't tell anybody, will you? No. You can trust me. The third aisle to the left. Center section. Look for the lady in black. Gee, everybody's nuts around here, I know. Can I help you, sir? Yes, ma'am. We're looking for something in dolls. Oh, we have a lovely assortment. Now, here's an original Shirley Temple doll. Gee, that's cute, Jack. Yeah? When you lay it down, here's what happens. Oh, ma, ma, ma. Oh, isn't that marvelous. Oh, she says the same thing every time. What do you want from a doll? The Gettysburg address? That isn't what I want, anyway. Look, Jack, here's a nice one. Poop eyes of sailor. That's Popeye's. If you're looking for a novelty, here's something brand new this year. An Andy Divine doll. An Andy Divine doll? Gee, Mary does look like Andy. Curly hair, big smile. Baggy pants and everything. Yeah. How does it work, Miss? Well, you wind it up like this and he talks. Listen. Hiya, buck, hiya, buck, hiya, buck, hiya, buck. Oh, isn't he cute, Mary? Hiya, buck, hiya, buck. Oh, it's all run down. Wind it up again, Mary. Woo-hoo-hoo, that tickles. Hey, Kenny, have you seen this doll at talk? It does. Hiya, buck, hiya, buck, hiya, buck, hiya, buck. Hello, Andy. Hiya, Kenny, hiya, Kenny, hiya, Kenny, hiya, Kenny. Well, that's the most marvelous thing I've ever seen. I'll take this one, Miss. Oh, Jack, look at Santa Claus over there sitting in that sleigh. She's all dressed up in red. Let's go over and see him. He looks so fat and jolly. Come on, we'll talk to him, huh? Oh, this ought to be fun. Gee, I'm scared. Funny, I feel just like a kid again. Go ahead, talk to him, Jack. Oh, I don't want to. He might ask me if I've been a good boy. Oh, go on, Jack. All right. Hello, Sandy Claus. Hello, Stranger. Slipperman. Viath, I'm Chris Kringle now. Well, tell me, Slipp, how do you happen to be Sandy Claus? I don't know. I came in here to buy a suit and they sold me a red one. Well, Slipp, it is kind of loud there. I feel like a stoplight. Well, Mary, tell Santa Claus. What do you want for Christmas, eh? Can you put a mint coat in my stocking? Well, certainly. Boy, you are Santa Claus. So am I, and you know it. Kenny, tell Santa Claus what you want. Oh, I'm too big for that stuff. Ah, speak up, Kenny Boy. What would you like to find in your stockings Christmas money? Me. My feet are cold. Oh, you're too practical there. Hello, Mr. Benny. Hello, little boy. Look, look, Santa Claus is my father. He is? Sure. Hey, Santa Claus, ain't you my father? Go home, Pinkie, if you're spoiling the hallucin'. So that's your little boy. Well, tell me, Slipp, what does your wife think of you being Sandy Claus? My, my, Jackie, she's overdoing it. Every night when I come home for supper, she feeds me reindeer. Reindeer for supper, how do you like it? Fine, but the horns give me indigestion. Well, we've got to be running along. Say goodbye to Sandy Claus. Goodbye, Sandy. Goodbye, kiddies. Hey, Slipp, when am I going to see you again? Well, I'll tell you, Jack. I'll be coming down your chimney when I come. I'll be coming down your chimney when I come. You'll be coming down my chimney. He'll be coming down your chimney. I'll be coming down when smoke gets in my eyes. He'll be coming down your chimney when he... I don't think you hear me calling when the snow is gently falling. He'll be coming down the chimney when he comes down. I would like a cup of tea, but I'll bend you on my knee. He'll be coming down the chimney. He'll be coming down the chimney. I'll be coming down the chimney when I come. Chimney, chimney, chimney, chimney, chimney, chimney. Figure out, figure out, figure out, figure out, figure out. Figure out... This is the time of the year when all the family will soon be home. and here's a grand dessert that all the family will love. The name of it is Apple Lime Whip, and you like it especially because it's delicious fruit dessert that's always seasonal. Here's how you make it. Dissolve one package of lime jello in a pint of hot water. Chill until cold and syrupy. Then place in a bowl of cracked ice and whip with a rotary egg beater until it's deliciously fluffy. Fold in one cup of applesauce and turn into a mold. When it's chilled firm and ready to serve, you'll be delighted with Apple Lime Whip. For whipped lime jello has a grand and luscious color, a lovely creamy green, and molded with applesauce it makes a wonderful flavor combination. Smooth, rich, and delicious. Try this brand new dessert tomorrow, but just be sure you make it with the one and only genuine jello. We're a little late, so good night, folks. The maker appears on the jello program through the courtesy of Mervyn LeRoy Productions. The melody, I'm in my glory, is from the star of the picture Merrig around of 1938. This is the National Broadcasting Company.