 two ding dongs it doesn't matter had some tuna helper i'll be racing back the welcome back to stealing your dad's of who is easy today we're wait a second this isn't the greatest podcast ever recorded that can be found on munchieshatsky.com to video game.com slash channel go to the description and look at that this is some weird dystopian alternate reality where the cool nuclear holocaust never happened and the vintage hipster modernist super teenage nihilist world didn't get completely and utterly obliterated by the thousands of sickest stage three neurosophilist radical galactic eternity maltovs which changed the chemical makeup of the planet into the individual atom level forever thrusting the world into an infinite aesthetic of cyberpunk, post-cyberpunk, biopunk, nanopunk, steampunk, dieselpunk, stonepunk, clownpunk, elfpunk, mythpunk, dreampunk, atompunk, weaselpunk, trashpunk, dadpunk, seizurepunk, fancy santa punk, and most of all clusterpunk all at the same time even the ones that contradict each other especially the ones that contradict each other that never happened this cock-suckingly terrifying timeline everything's just like normal and not completely obliterated it's physically mentally and spiritually they haven't figured out how to thoroughly utilize uh uh ironies fully an unbelievably destructive force and use it against one another holy fuck did you i'm freaking the fuck out that's crazy dude that's crazy i know man i thought that we were always gonna be in the future and now we're not in the future but in the other future the not good future we have to go back also known as the present oh my god it's other people we have to go back to the present well you don't fuck it whatever i we're just here now all right all right i forgot about other people well uh good work guys uh hey everybody welcome back to the pc big welcome back to the dystopian multi-punk podcast the piece the procrastinator multi-punk yeah multi-punk that's how i condense all that bullshit multi-cultural punk yeah multi-cultural punk uh i i'm the best guy ever uh ben sains here yep uh did you bro hey i'm here from the other future hypocrite i have i have just eaten many chicken nuggets so this is appropriate perfect uh munchy uh uh uh alternate universe munchy and from a different you can write you can write slash fiction that's kind of munchy and alternate universe munchy now that's that's juicy stuff characters alternate universe munchy just has like an eye patch and like where's a where's like instead of like instead of the light and good munchy of this universe that dresses like a hamburger the evil one dresses like a like a he has an eye patch and he dresses like a i don't know like a like a like a dark chocolate cake that's fucking wrong yeah look at the all right hey shut up everybody because endless chess here yep sure i'm okay there you go that settles it so our our topic today's food wait do we introduce you talk about food i don't remember i said we did chicken nuggets okay that's right so uh urban dictionary food uh here we go a substance that here we go a substance that you eat then poop out usually followed by a nap that's a good one i like it who naps off to off to pooping uh i i i i nap directly on my poop you know it's out and then all of it you're done rolled out as like a bed and you lay in it i'd like to be asleep during pooping uh so god what the fuck are we even talking about yeah i like food it's it's good yeah yeah i of course well what i think we're gonna talk about um i think you're all i think you're all gonna take the opposite stance on this one yeah i think you're all gonna be surprised by my nuanced take of uh of what i think about food i fully expected coming into this that jesse was going to be the opposition to the idea that food is yeah you know guys i've said it before but this might be the most jesse is right episode of this entire show we can i mean food food food in real life is the is the curse of is the dark sign of real life that's what addiction to food is that's what it is in real life it's it damns us all it damns us all from birth to the grave there is no escape we just keep coming back yeah we have to have energy uh but you know we've we've come up with with plenty of ways to make the energy that we intake interesting enough and different enough to be like you know kind of fun kind of kind of you know you're making a best of a bad situation we don't we have stomachs we need to feed them we may as well have good food and running in your body is secondary to being cool and and okay okay eating with my bros is more fun than eating alone because we're eating with your bros you have that intimate experience of like yeah we we are we are consuming we are each other we we we we could we could be sexually assaulted at any time but you know what we're just gonna rock that we're just gonna rock that does just be does being in a group increase or decrease the chances of being sexually assault increase depends on the group and if they're eating or not it makes it all the more succulent yeah all the more succulent well let me uh i think i will also probably have a slightly different stance than some people here because i see i think i know what you're gonna say i think i think you're you're gonna come down on the food is fuel side of it that's exactly what i'm gonna say food is food you know we we are slaves to our biological impulses that by the way are 100 out dated the lust we all have for salt is because way back in a fucking billion years ago when you could find like one grain of salt you know fucking uh an entire lifetime that's when like our our desire that's not even a lie that's true right that was program was there before this goes any further i just want to say i want to fast forward and say okay uh nate you're right but i don't care and also tag weird utilitarianism hashtag weird i kind of what you just predicted like the end of every podcast ever it's true it's true but i i kind of wanted this podcast to be we each say a food and then the others say oh my god i can't believe you like that and that that that would be the whole thing could i start with one can i start with one yeah big dick big flop you know it dog yeah okay i can't believe you like that i can't believe don't like that well i can't believe we've all learned a lot here today all right here's a thing here here's here's what i've got to say uh pepper ronnie sucks what oh my god i know i agree get the fuck out of here you get the fuck out of here you hot piece of ass he's right he's right he's right this is just a denier just wants to ruin everyone's time and just fucking stick their wax and then what the thing about pepperoni is that i like all that sort of like italian sausage stuff like the the palm of ham and the and you know the pepperoni and the and the prosciutto the like you like the prosciutto yes i like i like all that sort of stuff but it's nice as like a cold meat to have with with uh like uh cheese or some cold meat for you my dude have you been in the fridge i got fucking jaundice my extremities are dying yep yep that's what i mean but but pepperoni as as i have uh researched is an american invention which is sort of like taking what it's from and then inventing it and making it gross and greasy and salty for you right there disgusting and they put it on every piece of the reason i don't like pepperoni is because it's so ubiquitous if it wasn't so ubiquitous i'd be like so he's a hipster is it yes i am i have stir crit that's the funny thing about it and uh i don't know if you've made it this far and biggest problem with the universe hippo but maddox had a whole long argument about why pepperoni was bad essentially raising that point that you should eat the the better versions like salami and fucking all that shit well no i think it's okay on pizza i just don't like that everybody likes it and that's like the default pizza when it's not my favorite topping it is odd i do i do wonder how it came to be that pizza now let that pizza's two default flavors are now nothing or this one specific sausage well i gotta say that while that is while i appreciate how weird that is it for me is one of the few victories i have in life because i that you have that you did this this was you are doing no no just a spiritual victory you know because i love pepperoni pizza and so the fact that i can go to any place and guaranteed they will have my shit like like if if if someone says oh we're throwing a pizza party i can show up with some confidence knowing they will have the pizza i like because everyone has the pizza i like which is not true of any other food there's nothing i can show up and be guaranteed they're gonna have it you know that's true but across the board pepperoni is like this thin disgusting greasy little slab of meat that's not even very flavorful i got a fin disgusting greasy little slab of meat for you know i always think that pepperoni is not that flavorful until i eat a pizza without it and then i just miss it it is very flavorful it's just a specific flavor that i don't like and i don't think salami putting like better quality meat on it would solve the problem i think just you know maybe a different maybe like jalapenos and chicken or something something different yeah there's no other meat that i really like on pizza but vegetables can yeah you can eat a pizza with just jalapenos and it's it's all right but a lot of people can't handle the jalapenos so not that i'm not that into jalapenos personally hey here's a here's a quandary for you i have here something i'm very excited about i have a can of diet code red mountain dew and i want you guys to weigh in on whether this is food or not all do should be fucking abolished and drinking it should be punishable by firing squad whoa whoa whoa that's right what are you what diet diet shit no all mountain dew period i'm ready i'm ready i was ready i was ready for someone to jump on me for diet because i'm a big proponent of diet beverages they're like my favorite shit in the whole world you know if you're gonna drink soda like radioactive yak slime put in a can that's the same as any other like all no like all pop is poison but mountain dew tastes like the poison that it is um i don't disagree and i drink a lot of it it's just a fucking sugary ogre sweat it doesn't belong in anyone's body it doesn't belong in anyone's mouth it belongs let me let me let me get down outside of i consider myself an expert on the on the soda issue because i have gone roughly three years now drinking next to no soda just like the occasional soda when it happens to be around i spend an entire year i went for a rose a dedicated effort to drink no soda at all and let me just tell you when i came back and drank a soda after that it was like it was so powerful it was so like my body was just like what are you doing no you you guys if you're if you're drinking soda and this tastes like good to you i'm just letting you know that you are you have done damage to your body you are fucking it up right now that's um that's not supposed to be so that's without drinking soda i've never really hated it's it's never been nice to me okay because of that because of that carbonate right burp afterwards i you know nat that's actually a plot point in the dark tower because roland is not from our world he he gets his like his finger bitten off by a giant lobster and like he goes to our world and he gets like some aspirin and pepsi to like wash it down and he's never had pepsi before and he drinks it and he like becomes a superhuman because he's never had pepsi before it like blows his whole perception of of the universe opens his mind that it increases his christ consciousness that story reminds me of have you have you guys all seen david lynch cooks quinoa i know but you told me about it it's okay well it's like it's this like dark like black and white just it's just they're just filming david lynch in his kitchen just like cooking quinoa and he's kind of shit at it but whatever he like cooks this quinoa and talks about what he's doing and then he goes out and sits on his porch and has a cigarette and tells this bizarre story about like a train ride through like fucking eastern europe or whatever and part of it part of the story involves like taking this girl from yugoslavia to like paris and like buying her the first coca-cola she's ever had and meanwhile he like yeah he like i don't know he just peppers the story with weird feet like they get off the train and and moths like moth larvae are crawling up out of the ground and leaping up into the air like frogs and these frog moths are just flying around and i gave and i gave the cashier and i gave the cashier this tiny the tiniest little little coin and he gave me a big piece of paper money in return for change and then i go to the next place and i paid with the paper money and then he just pours handfuls and handfuls of coins into my hands so many i have to use both hands to catch them and they're just about to overflow and there's so many coins until the moment i look up at him and then he stops and that's beautiful i did i did make a giant batch of quinoa once it was pretty good yeah that's my relationship anyway i just wanted to plug i just wanted to plug david lynch cooks quinoa it's really great well let me just say about that oh what's what's cool about that is i like that he gave someone their first coca-cola because there is nothing wrong with occasionally uh getting down and dirty and drinking some absolute garbage like like soda dirty yeah that's what that's what edgy shit that's real edgy shit for me and um i'll tell you but i'm just saying but you can't do it all the time or you're not going to appreciate i that's what i'm saying i drank nothing but mountain dew for about 13 years um for my entire like i don't know nine to 21 or something and uh and like yeah it's addictive and it's bad it makes you feel like shit and it's also doesn't taste good um and then i got off of that and onto green diet green tea and then at some point i started working soda back in because i just what's great about soda to me is that it is like acid like you drink it and it just melts away everything you know like you know what else does that brushing your fucking teeth no no no i'm talking about like when you're eating food like it's a it's a palate cleanser you know like you go out you go out to lunch and you like if you consider like acid washing your fucking mouth palate cleansing like i guess yeah like you you take a drink of sprite and then it just completely clears out all the flavors and stuff that run your mouth and i i agree yeah you take a gulp of soda and it just like it sears away all the other all the other flavors that's the whole point of it for me yeah i don't know that's what like water is for the water you take a sip of water and then you still taste whatever you were just eating exactly then you down a gallon of that shit or like some good stuff that is nice to taste for the whole day if you drink like a juice or something it just kind of like mixes with the flavor of whatever you're eating and it's just not quite right like like tea especially hot tea will have this effect of like it'll you know it'll burn away everything that's in there but but soda will just you take one sip and it's just it feels like you swallowed a bunch of acid that just burns away everything that's in you surely you can get that same feeling from like orange juice because that's quite citric yeah i was gonna say uh i'm a big orange juice and soda guy i just think the orange juice taste mixes with the stuff that's in your mouth in an orange juice is really kind of kind of lumpy lumpy well it i mean i've you mean did you guys are you guys where did it get the kind with the whole let me just say one of my i'm the biggest orange juice fan of the world it is by far my favorite thing i'd sacrifice everything else in my life but the thing is you cannot get orange juice anymore that has lots of pulp when i was a child lots of pulp was a thing you could buy now the most you can get is some pulp no because nobody likes the fucking day i love i love the bits yeah i know i know that they still have lots of pulp orange juice i've seen it not in my fucking city dude i've been to every grocery i don't know maybe outside just on your city yeah it's possible maybe they just hate fucking there's a pulp there's a pulp a quota that has to be met i bet if i went to florida i get some fucking pulp in my eyes here's i can't believe you like that here's my brevage diet for every one liter of soda i will drink i will drink two uh like like boxes of orange juice and then for every two boxes of orange juice that i'll drink i'll drink for um i'll drink for whatever they're called of water you know i'm glad you said that because i was going to say the thing about juice that a lot of people don't just like they probably know but they just don't think about much is that juice is incredibly calorie dense and you can get super fat just drinking juice that's why orange juice is like like now that i am off soda completely drinking an orange juice has been elevated to like a godlike experience it's just the most delicious satisfying it's like if that's my cake like orange juice is like eating a fucking piece of cake yeah exactly yeah it was fucking it i love it i i know what you mean because it's just like it's like candy it's like it's like fucking sugar syrup is like what a what a juice is and i like i don't actually drink that much juice you know what i hear maybe this is fucked up like me me being fucking health conscious is me going no no i won't i won't drink that that glass of orange of fresh squeezed orange juice i'll have this diet Mountain Dew Code red instead well the calories make sense there yeah in certain certain looked at from a certain angle it's so reasonable there's a couple of very important questions i think have to be answered by this podcast or else we will have failed this miserably the first important question is what are you eating right now i'm i'm eating so i actually went to the grocery store right before we started and i have a big old bag of pistachios and these are rather indulgent oh man i fucking love it there's there i mean they're kind of salty but they're delicious they got excellent unsaturated fats oh it's the good stuff man i have not had pistachios in a while i'm all about cashews when it comes to nuts because they're smooth and well okay i do i do have a bag of cocoa of like cocoa powder like coated almonds in my pantry right now those are delicious almonds at all i don't like that oh i fucking well wait do you have toast almonds when i bite into an almond all it does is just go into every tooth in my mouth like it just immediately gets stuck everywhere unt toasted almonds are shit toasted almonds are the shit one time for christmas my mom got me a bag of almonds and i was like these are pretty good but they're not toasted so i toasted them myself and i learned how to toast nuts it was the best day i'm a young life toasted nuts for you my dude right well that's what night's eating is anybody else i'm i'm eating the leftover chocolate syrup and this double sharp espresso that i poured myself to do the intro and uh now i'm just wallowing away are you are you sort of sticking your tongue down the down the glass trying to lick it out yeah i'm doing it sick well uh what i i'm not eating because i've just eaten but i am drinking sciss white male tears of my own brand and i'm looking into freezing them into ice cubes to sell as like a food product that's good that's good oh my god sciss white males of the world uh you're sitting on a gold mine uh just oh man you just one more advantage sciss white males have over the i'll sell their tears everyone's game gets rich is a gold rush like a beehive out back full of sciss white males constantly producing tears jess are you eating anything um i'm drinking tea sans chicken today because i feel like i'm eating again no don't bring him back we haven't spoken of him in months he was almost gone the dark emperor of the pcp is just trapped in the corner occasionally being like let me the fuck back in guys don't forget me he's over here fucking rattling his chains like marley and marley that cucks exactly i'm not eating anything i'll never eat anything ever again because eating is wrong and cowardly and i know you should ever do it i'm sick of it i hit my drinking point it's certainly cowardly i hit my breaking point last night where i had to put my foot down i and say and say no more i'm drawing a lion in the sand i'm done i'm boycotting food for the rest of my life like fucking gondi because i was fucking sitting there it was like three in the morning and i'm watching nate's you know everybody be a fit boy an exercise video thinking oh man nate such a pretty boy would that i could be so pretty but i'm sitting there at three in the morning watching this video and i'm shoveling chocolate cake in my mouth and i'm eating like three slices of microwave leftover pizza and i'm dipping the pizza in like this fucking sugary sauce because i went with my woman to a restaurant because we're both we got this sauce at this restaurant and because we're both such disgusting slobs we went to the waitress and said can we please have some of this sauce and like a jar or something can you scoop it off the walls until we can take it home so i've got this like restaurant sauce and this pizza and this chocolate cake and i'm just sitting there being a piece of shit being a an anti-human abomination watching watching nate be a monkey king on these fucking pull-ups and i said that's it i'm gondi now never again i'll never i'll never eat a food until i'm dead and that's my goal for this month that you're like the opposite of a human you're the you're an anti-human the sense that you're like an anti-pasta like you're like like before you will be like the appetizer before the ogre gets to the actual humans let me just say the the whole anti-pasta movement is just the opposite of everything i like about human civilization so let's uh well anyways what i'm eating is this beautiful um roasted pork over um what is it called mustard greens um but they're called like something mustard greens were preserved preserved mustard greens and cabbage i got it at a chinese restaurant last night this one this is chinese restaurant in my town that has two menus they have a white people menu and an asian people menu they give you both if they're not sure you know what you're there for but they say dude with this lucky star shirt they're like we just don't know where this man lies the one menu is just like all the standard crap you'd get at a chinese restaurant the other menu is like frog and fucking uh jellyfish and like all this weird shit um which i ordered this off of that menu even though it's not particularly strange but it's a steamed steamed pork it's like a it's like in like a soup and the soup just tastes like it's just salt um but yeah but it's pretty delicious the the meat just fucking falls away it's like it's like a very tender you know you take a bite and you just comes right off and then uh cabbage man cabbage should be in everything i fucking love cabbage boiled cabbage um that's great it's such a really good when people discover a vegetable that they like and then they can eat fill up on it i'm surprised i these fucking mustard greens which just looks like a fucking like a disgusting black massive bullshit um but it's actually great um everything in this is great but yeah i have discovered i have discovered the miracle of brussel sprouts brussel sprouts cooked in bacon fat is like okay well i mean well they're pretty they're pretty good on their own but if you cook them in a little bacon fat they become a transcendent experience something possibly my favorite vegetable about about brussel sprouts is that i've always hated them and i decided one time to just start liking them because you know every christmas you have to eat them so i was like i may as well look like a good boy and finish everything on my plate i don't think that's a thing in america and having to eat brussel sprouts on christmas oh well okay whatever it's it's just a thing all of her twist over here is you know he's the only one who has to eat that shit but but it you know it's can i have some more oh i don't want any more those more brussel sprouts with my christmas gruel but but yeah it's like there's always been a thing in my family of uh you know finish what's on your plate i mean my dad and it doesn't care so much but my grandpa was always like if you don't finish what's because you know the war uh it was it was a time when you had to you had to you had to ration your food otherwise you'll otherwise you know you gotta you have a grandpa that sounds fascinating i want to like who who would your grandpa be sounds like the most interesting man is a red-pilled man the fucking he's i mean the grandpa i'm talking about is actually very quiet and reserved just tell me it's Winston Churchill that's what i want to know he was a he was an rf he's a fucking rf pilot and but he was very he's very quiet and he's he's like me but if he didn't make a youtube channel the darkest time well that sounds awesome yeah so that's cool anyway he there was this one time when i was a little boy and i was like you know i he was he was looking after me because my parents were doing something and we were eating food and i didn't like the vegetables i was like yeah because usually i don't eat vegetables as a kid and he's like i don't want to finish it i can go play now and he said no sit down you have to finish it and i'm like but that should never happen to me i've never been told to stay at the table and he kept us there for hours we were crying near my brothers it was it was traumatic but ever since ever since then i felt bad if i if i leave food on a plate because you know i don't want to waste anything so brussel sprouts i eat them now i don't like them but they're okay there you go uh trauma is good for children whoever's cooking those brussel sprouts just tell them to cook them in bacon fat that's the secret that's the secret yeah i'll tell you nate i totally am with you on some some some blue pills right here i'm totally with you on the magic of discovering a new vegetable because yeah i grew up uh unlike uh hippos grandpa my parents were not strict at all about making us eat everything and so i just ate no vegetables at all for like the majority of my life except maybe like a carrot here in there or some some corn which isn't even doesn't do anything um so like as i was becoming an adult i remember i had this moment of discovery with onions like i had always just thought onions were were shitty and disgusting and then all of a sudden i i don't i don't remember what it was i ate but it had onions and i was like oh my god this is a magical experience and i got to a point where i would just literally boil a whole onion and eat it that's pretty sick i just eat onion all the time it's delicious and then uh eat an onion yes that's because you're weak man onions are good for you because they make you cry and that's emotionally healthy it's important and you can sell what they also have they paid for itself if you look up like any vegetable and then like put it into google like is this healthy it'll just turn up like 80 articles about how healthy that fucking vegetable is so uh the the issue of health is so complex because like because like every vegetable has some nutrients and every nutrient like does something and so like i honestly think your average person is better off like not actually digging too deeply into like oh my god is this food healthy for me yeah is that healthy for me like the the general rule of like eating lots of vegetables just if you stick to that and and if you do like the Mediterranean sort of diet that's like the healthiest you know you can't be like you can't be like you can't be like oh line of beans prevent colon cancer better throw some of them them in my diet oh and right and uh uh celery prevents eye strain or better better toss some of that in for lunch but i hate celery celery stuff i was more yeah i mean that that's true but what was jessie saying you cut them off like a rude piece i think we cut each other off um yeah isn't it like a like a isn't it like a known phenomenon that like nobody in like the the nutrition community can decide if eggs are good for you or not well i mean there's eggs cause cancer which is a bit strange i mean i don't know all the details well i mean everything causes cancer i mean soda pop is liquefied cancer for what it's worth most people still cause a cancer they cause a cancer on the breakfast industry and i'm glad i get to rehash this rant that i called into the dick show they didn't play my voicemail but eggs have ruined all of look i i don't i don't wake up at five a.m like normal people right i just am up at five a.m and i want to get something to eat because i'm hungry and i go out and all anywhere will serve me as fucking eggs because somehow somehow it became determined that breakfast just means eggs like it doesn't that's that's all it is it's just stuff in the english but we put eggs in it you know so like you can go to any of the fast food places that open early anywhere that you go that's like a breakfast place all they'll fucking give you i some variation of eggs and i don't really like eggs i mean i can eat them they're fine but i just think they're bland and boring i i i like egg i like eggs but i also resent being served eggs as a meal because i know they cost the restaurant like 30 cents for that like like i know that that's true of everything but i feel especially i feel especially a big part of it because they're so cheap that like you know it's like this cultural institution of like hey uh breakfast is eggs and every restaurant's going to be like hell yeah i want to serve fucking eggs with everything you know two poached eggs uh uh six and a half dollars please yeah you know eggs are really revolting if you think about them sometimes i'm eating an egg and i think about like what it actually is that i'm eating like this is just like a toenail that came out of a chicken's butt and inside of it there's like a goopy fetus that's like not fully developed and i'm just shoveling that in my mouth and like sometimes you crack open an egg and you get those twins and that's even more disgusting you're like oh my god that's two goopy fetuses but i'm gonna eat it anyways sometimes you might crack open an egg and it's like kind of developed and you're like oh my god am i gonna eat that one yes i guess i will because i'm a piece of fucking garbage i can't i i sometimes feel like there's like eyeballs in it and like little feathers sometimes sometimes i i think of that but a lot of the time i don't but the reason is is because i like scrambled eggs the most because it's just you know it doesn't it doesn't look goopy and slimy and disgusting it's just nice and you know kind of rubbery and you eat it with bacon and toast is like it's good like that at some point i was always against this but at some point nate converted me to to the runny sunny side up eggs dude you dip your you dip with your fucking i don't know you you squish you squish the runny yolks over your your toast or your hash browns or something i hate that because i don't like oh it's so good it's so fucking good look at your yolks all the way through you are thrown away 99 percent of the fucking flavor you're throwing away your life you're throwing your life away if you don't eat runny yolks i if i'm gonna if i'm gonna be devouring a chicken fetus i wanted this goopy as possible i admit like if you're doing it like sunny side up it it shouldn't be hard in the in the yellow bit i am a human chicken abortion machine that's my well it's pretty much all just like plant vaginas and it's all tree ejaculates like we mostly just we're always just guzzling come just in every direction from all things everything is come and vaginas and goopy shit poopy everything is gross and i love it and i want it all here's a trick here's here's a bizarre thing that i just learned um if you're cooking eggplants if you're buying eggplants go to the store and look at the bottom of the eggplant and see whether the little like like button the little like hole at the bottom where the stem or whatever the little like point at the bottom see if it's round or if it's like a slot like a line because if it's a slot that's a female eggplant and if it's a round dot it's a male eggplant and the and the yeah and the female eggplants have more seeds and are worse so you always want to buy the male egg kind of what kind of Seth Rogen food fight shit are you on and you always so you always want to buy the ones with the dots hashtag dots not slots i learned that i learned that from chef john of foodwishes.com who i've been fucking watching shit tons of cooking videos on lately here's a story about all right well well plants suck well my my shut up monkey i just want to answer nate and say that my girlfriend jackie is the best cook i've ever met in my entire life and yes we watch a lot of cooking videos together gross great sound defensive about that but i'm not being accusatory when i was a baby yesterday i i was eating an egg and and i i my mother was in the room and she said you know what that is and i was like what that's meat in its purest form bitch and i was like fuck yeah i guess it is i guess it is like it's actually not meat at all because meat is muscle and there is literally no no it's yeah but it's like pre muscle it's like a pre before it becomes an actual meat chicken well okay i mean i'll share all right so there's a second very important question that i felt had to be answered by this podcast to also be a huge failure which is what is everybody's favorite food right yes here is something that ben saint has stolen from me that he can never repay okay his love for cherries i'm the only supposed and that's supposed to like cherries actually don't even like cherries that's allowed to like them i actually don't even like them except in the context of the hashtag ben saint the greatest beverage what's the hashtag ben saint what why don't you explain that for the audience huh well it's the greatest beverage ever created um you know created by munchie shatsky for whom it is named yeah it's it's whole milk with maraschino cherry juice and a couple of cherries and you put ice in it and you stir it you you put in the cherry juice until it's pink and then you fucking stir it up and you drink it and it's nice and nice and thick because it's cold from the ice and it's got the nice juicy cherries at the bottom and it's creamy and it's sweet and it's delicious and it's the best thing ever made oh it just makes me want one so bad i'm gonna have one i'm gonna have one tonight tonight i'll have one too we'll we'll we'll dine and wine and and and slime and chime chime is come spelled wrong delicious i i i mistyped in my voice ben the ben saint is one brand of slime but it's a good it's one of it's one of the it's one of the rare good aligned slimes um i should you should do it respectful of the slime but you two should do it you two should do it stealing your dad as if it was ben saint that would be a good with the cherries then it wouldn't be a kidnapping it would just be a murder well okay is that actually your favorite is that actually your favorite food though um no well that's where cherries um cherries are like yeah yeah yeah cherries are my favorite okay so i know some notable mentions include hamburgers and shrimp and um french dips doesn't that probably oh that oh that hey speaking of which when is that fucking speaking of french dips when is our stealing your dad's coming out um yeah i've had it for like a week and then like i forgot but i have all the autos so probably it's gotta be arby's right it is it is arby's um yeah it'll be out right now so my favorite food now it's it's a shit choice it's a shit choice for babies but i can't help it because i have too many fun childhood food i have too many fun childhood memories of eating mashed potatoes for them not to be my favorite food it's fine yeah i was a big fan um and they you could just you can you can prepare them so many ways you know you can spice them you leave you always leave the peel on leave that peel in there yeah that's where the flavor is of course uh yeah i fucking love mashed potatoes do you mix milk in with your mashed potatoes yeah some yeah of course some before we i guess you don't have to before we go any farther those that reminds me of your favorite game of all time in portal 2 it's a good game it's a good game it's not as good as portal one both of you guys have named very like general food like hamburger or like uh mashed potatoes like that's fine but i also want to know do you have like a specific favorite food like like like munchie when you say hamburgers surely you don't grade all hamburgers the same like there must be a place you have a favorite i can't pick i can't pick a specific favorite food um because like every other day jackie will make something that is literally the best thing i've ever tasted yeah so it just keeps it just keeps evolving it it just keeps evolving eating real food yeah it is disgusting it's disgusting and it's vile but i i can't i'm learning i'm learning what food is meant to be it's funny that we mentioned the bin saint and then i get to unveil my very own the munchie aka the chastity fortress which is my name for for my for my custom-made hamburger it is the following make this at home and everyone send me screenshots you you know that one twitter that i have pinned and like send me pictures of hamburgers this is what this was made for the munchie two buns three patties preferably buffalo you know buffalo isn't kind of you know you know you can't really kill them without uh people like slapping your ass then for the cheese you get pepper jack then you get two slices of bacon for each leg sorry sorry munchie i have to interrupt you because digi is tapping or something and it's making it's it's annoying me what what am i tapping what's happening i think maybe you're tapping you're moving your leg and i think i think you're tapping that ass bro yeah yeah i'm shaking on my desk all right can continue the secret the fucking secret the way to make the way that elevates the munchie is when you have the pepper jack you have to use a one sauce and wish your sauce it brings out the flavor and the peppers and and also you can add you you can add more more more like preferably a lot of pepper jack will be there so it gives you that tang and that um that slang and that slime and that plime i think i think i might have to try that i think i might have to make some of those it's pretty soon good mmm the the the munchie aka the chastity fortress that's that's fantastic okay uh who's next uh well i i have difficulty choosing a favorite meal because every time i've had a meal i'm like well i haven't had that other meal in a while so i sort of switched between a few favorites like well we all know this question is just so did you can talk about his favorite food i don't even i don't even care that much really i just this to me was like the only thing i could imagine this podcast being was talking about your favorite foods like because it's one thing to talk about food on like a broad conceptual level like we usually do in the pcb but that if we're gonna do a whole podcast about food it has to get into the bones of it all right i'm gonna give some examples i expected nate to be like guys the thing about food is that when you step back and look at it from a cosmic scale that's right that's right what even is food it's just a little way to to delay the inevitable decline of the universe and i mean that's in a full existence i get we need to evolve beyond food i have a lot to do we kind of talk about nutrition all day i could talk about this and that but like i am legitimately just interested in hearing about individual food items like i really want to know it like if you tell me like hey i ate this at this place i'm like i want to know about that so i can go there and also eat all right well let's get the thing i'm gonna say is not necessarily something you can get in a restaurant but it is a specific food that is made in england it's a cumberland sausage and the specific meal i like with it is a cumberland sausage with with you know olive oil and a bunch of vegetables chili and garlic and and and and salt and pepper and bunch of spices just a bunch of vegetables and in cumberland sausages all mixed up together in a thing well and just roasted and and and roasted for like an hour or something and it's just it just comes out and it's like it's just perfect it's just it's i don't know how to describe it it's it's probably some sort of thing my dad picked up by watching cooking shows or go into you know italy or something you know he's he's a very well uh you know traversed well and culinary guy he knows a lot about different foods from different places he's right and he he made it and he's great and it's great and i really like it is the thing is the dish you're talking about the toad in the hole no that has i like that as well but that's more like a the hole is made of batter for you yeah it's very easy to make that a euphemism and the toad is the sausage and the hole is like this weird batter that you make and you put the sausage in there and it's it's kind of nice i got a weird batter for you i got a food pod please let me have sex why do the truth comes out no i was impersonating you fucking cowards it was a joke there's no one involved okay yeah um kumbul and sausages are the best sausages because they have the most crap in them i just there's something about something because a lot of sausages like in like german like bratwurst and stuff they they get rid of a lot of you know it's mostly meat it's like 90 percent meat and like 10 percent bristle and fat but this kumbul and sausages the kumbul and sausages like they have a lot of the grist and the and the kumbul and the gross shit that makes it just so strangely delicious it's what percentage what percentage dorito and what percentage g fuel is in those and you know like what's the mountain dew ratio a hundred percent probably okay okay here's here's a here's a thing here's a thing about food right because like okay when i was like when i was like in like college or something like like late in college i got real into exercising and i try and i was like okay i'm gonna eat real healthy because at the time i was on like college food plan i could basically eat whatever i want like it made no difference so i would do like paleo i would eat like lots of like lean meat and stuff and fruit and whatever it was and i was fine i was like yeah eating healthy but then i got out into the real world and i was like wait a minute i have to pay for my food and then and then and then i was like you know what i it's not worth it it's not where i'll just oh no i'll let you spread those kind of lies that's bullshit i'll eat i'll eat whatever i'll eat whatever i can survive on i know like there have been times like especially like post astro camp when i was just like living in someone's like side room for free for a while i there were time i think i think at least one day i would like wake up like go to the kitchen be like hmm what's here what's here that no one remembers buying that i can survive and i would eat like i would like i don't know like mix up a pie crust and just like eat the pie crust because like and like that would be my food for the day i'd like yeah alternative yeah like that's pretty good we call it been leftover saint for a reason when when you are like i would get creative with it like i would take that pie crust maybe i'd sprinkle cheese on it or something and maybe make some like maybe make some like some cheese straws out of it or something just you know just trying to fucking survive in this harsh world but it is true that you do need a certain base level of you know money to be able to live but it is not like it's not like you have to be on the fucking whole diet to survive and be healthy yeah well don't be like ben folks don't be like i'm not saying anyone should be like i'm just telling the story necessarily saying that healthy food is more expensive than unhealthy food what he's saying well any food costs any money and he would rather eat literally like like ben eats shitloads of leftovers so in that case it's just it's free it's free food so the question isn't what kind of food is it there's something eating it i don't know i don't know if this is like a learned association i have from those lean times or if it's just what i'm about naturally but i have some kind of i get some kind of primal satisfaction from taking something that is barely food and like turn and like like i don't know like last night i had like i had like a bucket of i had like like a Tupperware thing of gravy and i was like i have nothing to eat like we're all out of biscuits i can't i can't there's nothing i can eat this gravy on so i toasted bagels and i put the gravy on the bagels and i was like well this is an untraditional way of enjoying bagels and gravy but you know what it's satisfying sure all i'm saying is yes if you're in survival mode and you'll take whatever you have to in order to survive which is the only mode that ben has yeah i'm constantly i'm constantly in fighter flight mode i understand that you'll just you know you'll do whatever it takes but i am just saying that it's like that doesn't apply to anyone currently on this podcast or to probably anyone listening if you're listening to this podcast you can afford to you know yeah like all it is is like instead of buying a fucking 12 pack of fucking bagels and downing them instead of buying like a big fucking thing of lettuce and chopping that up and eating that instead like it's you're probably saved by your if i fruit if i had a cheap man if i had it yeah yeah if i had any package foods pre-packaged foods are the biggest scam in the world never yeah that's if i had if i had like any disposable income at all i would i would probably spend it on food and to like yeah i would buy like you know like lean meats and stuff because that's you know but whatever that's fine that's fine the the problem i've always had this is kind of not exactly food but cooking the problem i've always had with eating healthy and stuff like that is that if i wanted to you know cook food and and so that i would eat food i would have to know that i want i'm going to be hungry soon and i can never think when you but you know that doesn't make sense because you always know you're going to need food in the future i know but i have a hundred percent consistent there have been a couple times when i thought you know i'll probably be hungry in an hour and then i wasn't hungry when i finished cooking i'm like oh and then that doesn't make sense how did you get not hungry after a while i know it said what he wasn't hungry but he was like i should make this food before i get hungry so that i'm not waiting an hour after i'm hungry to eat fucking food uh which is what my problem is well the problem there is there's a lack of a routine you need a routine you got this is a mechanical thing it's not special it doesn't matter it requires practice but uh yeah fuck it um i was i was getting to something about talking about like taking like bullshit food and turning it into a meal there's there's something that there's something i really appreciate because because like i've been watching cooking videos especially chef john and there's something incredibly satisfying that he does that i did not realize is like a part of cooking but i think this is something that like real cooks will do is he'll take he'll take like he'll take all the ingredients and he'll cook them together but then he'll like he'll use like the runoff bullshit like like like the extra the excess crap and he'll reincorporate it like he'll like he'll like he'll be like making a stir fry like a stir fry filling for like a pie or something he'll fry it in a pan and then he'll take that out but then he'll like put water into the pan and like sizzle the like the seared like like oils and shit off the pan and like boil that down into like a sauce and like pour it onto the stuff like i invented that back in high school yeah my friends no it's true me and my pals we invented this recipe and you can do this at home kids it's real cheap it's a real disgusting experience that will kill you um but if you're young if you're if you're a teenager if you're young if you have years of your life to burn with recklessly you should try this great recipe that i invented it's called fat noodles what you do is nice nice fat noodles aka the endless chess i got a fat noodle for you that's what it seemed after if it's the first you make a bunch of noodles right just a bunch of regular noodles any kind of noodles you want you can go crazy it's the the choice of noodles is up to you this is a free form anyone it's like a western rpg stat building make your own goddamn noodle i don't give a shit you make make a bunch of noodles then you fry up a bunch of sausage now this is where it gets tricky after you have your sausages throw your sausages away put them in the garbage you don't need them they're worthless throw the sausages away just take the excess the the sausage grease in the pan and pour them over the noodles and now you've got some delicious fat noodles that will kill you and it's very important that you do i not just put the sausage in this that's good shit i'm explaining that it's very important that you throw the sausages away because the the sensation of being a fat american who wastes food is part of the fat noodles you have to be wasteful yes yes wasteful and slimy and greasy and just pour this disgusting grease all over your noodles and then you can be a fat noodle boy yeah here's my incorporating the the the stuff you're just you're just destroying the main part yeah that's the opposite of what i'm talking about for ben to eat later you can have your fucking fast yeah i was gonna say variant variant on this recipe don't throw them in the garbage seal them in an envelope and mail them mail them to ben say send them your sausages yeah that's that's the fate that's the fate of all disposed food in this world eventually all food flows to ben say i imagine there's just i'm just like sitting under a funnel with like just bits of sausage just dripping down into my mouth and then like camera pans out to this huge network of gears and like steampunk cogs turning and tubes just funneling food from every landfill and you mean you're here that that that that that that that that that that that you are just like you are like a sephiroth at the core of the earth and like you have sent out your avatars your ben saints around the world to gather the resources that you need and to you know complete your little emissions but all the energy is being funneled towards you at the center all this garbage food you're standing there you're standing there in the temple of the ancients next to a garbage can about to throw away your sausages and ben saints avatar commands your mind to walk over and in the sausage with all of the strength you can muster no he can't have the sausage destroy all mankind i can't give it to him but you give him the sausage you can't help it controls your mind i want that i want that sausage i want that sausage more than in life itself get a fucking job ben okay like like like chef john he'll like he'll like he'll take a lobster and he'll just like murder this lobster right in front of you and he'll pull out all the meat and he'll pull out all the meat and he'll be like oh yeah just leave you know leave the shells leave the guts all in there that's fine and then he'll like he'll put he'll put like the he'll put like the shell like the dead lobster shell into like a stock into like a pot and like boil it with some herbs and shit and then he'll like take that fucking boiled shell water and like pour it over and like and cook the meat in that shit because he wants to just retain he wants it doesn't want to lose an ounce of that precious lobster goodness that costs like 40 a pound you know what i'm saying and that's just deeply deeply satisfying father john with you isn't it yeah mm-hmm father father oh i was gonna earlier from from from secret of kel's nate brought up doritos and i had to ask which which doritos are you guys what what side are you on good question spicy spicy there are sides spicy there's the cool ranch and the nacho cheese all right here we go here's the cool ranch fuck cool ranch now i'm a nacho cheese boy for life hard i think i just like the texture of like the powdery the powdery doritos are bad i like the nacho cheese there's a spice there's a spicy fiery one that these people aren't talking about it's a it's a it's a third party one that know that the big wigs won't elect i'm munchy i'm not in the doritos binary my favorite doritos doritos that are good there's that one that tom's obsessed with and those ones are probably the best sweet chili i think the thing is the purple one yeah but the thing is that i mostly eat doritos because they come with sandwiches like you go somewhere to buy a sandwich and they have a chip thing set up and the only ones they're gonna have are this cool ranch and and nacho cheese that's why this distinction is important if the purple one was everywhere it would be no contest it's way better than the other two but but like i think the nacho cheese ones just taste like chips like they just taste like any other chips but the cool ranch is like a completely unique flavor to doritos i don't know man the thing about doritos is they're such garbage and i'm not knocking them i like them but they're such garbage that like it doesn't even matter what they taste like just the fact that they're like a piece of hot of hard bread with salt on it like that's what you're paying for and that's what you get regardless of i detest the entire idos family uh fritos doritos i'm gonna make a youtube series called the 10 idos where i categorically go through all of the different idos and why they're all fucking disgusting fritos fritos are just toenails that's all they are they're not even i know they're love for you they're right now those are like among no because those are those are the actually greasiest chip on the planet they are disgusting i hate fritos you gotta put them in some bean dip and shit no yeah that's just poisoning up my toenails good fritos bag you wouldn't be able to tell the difference that's true here's the real god to your chip sour cream and onion lays oh no that's the good shit that is also greasy i like the ridges i like the ridged laces i also like laces is wolkers right i think that's the the alternative the the the the same company walkers and lays are the same i've never heard of walking i've never walked before my life maybe that's i think i think yes the british version um there's a flavor of walkers that is the best flavor ever i'm not sure you have it it's uh the prawn cocktail have you ever had prawn cocktail what it's a very strange name but it's like it's a very tangy delicious flavor that is very it's it's it's hard to it no it doesn't taste like prawn or shrimp it's a very strange it just tastes like like the seasoning it tastes like the seasoning you put on wait is it like is it like prawn as in like pr0n as in like gamer speak for porn is that is that no the flavor yeah prawns it's it's i'm just gonna explain these these chips just come with a big like picture of an anime girl on them every english person knows that is the best flavor of of crisps ever made no and i don't know whether america has it i i guess not every every every japanese person every japanese person knows that consomme is the best flavor because you can take a potato chip and eat it eat it all right i don't even like chips that much so i don't want to keep talking about let's get back to the question of favorite wait who hasn't gotten it okay yeah finish your point get finished point well i was gonna go on something else oh if somebody wanted to talk about i had a dream i had a dream one time that um i lived in a dystopian america that's just nothing to do with your favorite food i had a dream one time that i lived in a dystopian future and america was at war with the middle east and things were getting bad things were getting real bad only that would never happen ben yeah but in this world in this world um the the economy yeah the the middle east was still like the cornerstone of the world economy however they were not so because their major export was oil no in this world the middle east major export was breakfast and and i woke and i woke in this nightmare and i came downstairs to my holy shit to my to my bathroom to my bathroom medicine cabinet where everyone knows is where you go to eat breakfast and i opened my bathroom medicine cabinet and looked inside and was horrified to find there's no eggs there's no there's there's no sausage there's there's no there's no grapefruit juice my favorite damn you george w bush where's my breakfast george and that was it that was my dream that actually had nothing to do with your favorite food but it was about food that's son of a bitch yeah he's going on talk shows now talking about his paintings everyone's clapping like he's such a good guy they didn't they all forgot he started the breakfast wars and doomed millions to go without their grapefruit juice that fucking war oh god i fucking that you know that that should have been the plot of food wars that that's really a borah i know i know there's i know there's divided opinions on this issue but i fucking love grapefruit juice i know it's not it's not forever dude i i'm on a big old yeah i've got a big one the other day and drank that shows great it's actually i like it best mixed with a bunch of orange juice i like i'm all the way into grapefruit juice mm yeah i'm way into grapefruits you know i'm talking love grapefruits i'm getting like the older i get great i'm starting to acquire this this uh this brain thing we're like the healthier food is the better it tastes to me because yeah yeah yeah just i feel that i'm dying and i just can't take it anymore you're getting unretarded because you were raised in a retarded stupid system where literally in our country no one gives a fuck about what you eat because we are the most retarded civilization yeah i was raised on fucking poor food and now you're learning i ate nothing but fast food until i was 20 and i got used to it disgusting how do we even survive on that it disgusts me like i eat i it's gross i eat the fast food and i'm like this doesn't taste like it tastes like i've finally gotten to the point where i can't let we're like fast food tastes like shit to me and it makes me feel sick but i keep eating it just because i get in the car to go drive to get food and then something in my brain goes i don't want to have to wait i don't want to have to wait even one minute for my food so i'm going to eat fast food and then i regret it for the next six hours and then what happens you go to fucking wendy's and you order your spicy chicken and they say oh it'll be about 10 minutes what the fuck wendy's i only come here because i want food now if my fast food is going to serve me shit and also take long to serve me shit then they should be fucking nuked from orbit i hate that shit you gotta pull the side and sit like on the on like to the side of the drive to you oh yeah and then the fucking the the girl every time i ever go across the parking lot like a fucking like like a like a surf like a lowly peasant it's embarrassing for her it's humiliating i'm embarrassed for her i want her to have a better life i hate you wendy's die i i had that happen yesterday where i went it was it was like pouring i got in the car and the second i got in the car it started just pouring rain like super hard and so i was like all right well i'm gonna go to a fast food place that i know has an awning like so i won't have to get wet at all i want to get out of the car so i go to chick filet and i don't notice until i'm like at a point where i can't leave that there's this huge line so i'm in the like i'm thinking i'll go there so it'll be fast and i won't get wet and it's like 20 fucking minutes that i'm waiting just to get some fast food uh yeah it was pointless you know it wasn't even raining by the time i got the food i i have an old war story that i have never told about the horrors of the fast food industry and what happens when their gross incompetence uh you know fucks you in the ass as it does it was it was a long time ago back back in my high school days me and my friends were at a place and we and like like two of two of us were sent out to get kfc for the whole crew the whole group was all there waiting for us we had a mission we had a holy crusade to find kfc and bring it back so we go in our car and we get we go to kfc and we go to the drive-thru and kfc says and i quote we are out of chicken yeah i've had that too so what the fuck is worthless we're like what the fuck do we do we didn't even know that was possible it's it blew our minds it shouldn't be a thing that happens and and if there was a just and loving god it wouldn't happen but so kfc was not a chicken right what do we do the people at the house are expecting kfc we had no other alternatives we had to go to arby's so we go to arby's those people are bloodthirsty you cannot come back to the house without chicken it'll be a bloodbath oh we learned we learned because we went and we got arby's we got these beef and cheddar this week this is like well it's it's not it's not chicken but you know maybe they have to understand right surely they'll understand that kfc was out of chicken yeah these are our friends these are our friends they care about us they wouldn't cast us out into the cold we go back to the house with our fucking arby's we we give them the arby's they go what the fuck is this and they like they like don't let us come in the house they take the arby's but they don't let us come in the house they're banished we're banished to the outside all night it's like it's it's it's it's like like 35 degrees it's it's really fucking cold out there we can't go in the house this is all night we are in the backyard me and my buddy we had to go we got shovels we dug a trench an actual world war one trench in the backyard and we huddled and cuddled in a trench for warmth all night and stuff in the backyard because our friends wouldn't allow us in the house we had we had the dog next to us eventually the dog got let in but we were still in the backyard that dog had more honor i'm sure the dog had some arby's once it was in there i'm sure they enjoyed our arby's i'm sure the arby's went over well once they actually started eating it yeah you see by that time it was a matter of personal non grata we were we were banished to the land i just love the idea of them like in there just like you know what i've kind of enjoyed these arby's no fuck jesse though how dare you betray our trust like that they open the curtain a little to pier and they can see you shivering there and they're just like fuck that guy we were seriously we dug like like a like a like a six foot hole in the ground and we were like we covered the top of it with like sticks and leaves so it was like a little cave to hide in from the elements that were battering our flesh meanwhile meanwhile these fat cats inside lick their lick the arby's sauce off their fat ring fat cats holy shit oh my god yes that's the greatest fast food story of all time what did you say to those people when you finally got to sell it again he said i'm sorry i'll never do it again forgive me please please i'm gonna present to them for the rest of my life sorry yeah jesus i'm sorry i've brought dishonor to the clan please forgive me so i don't have to commit seppuku those guys are fucking traitors to our race god damn uh that's that's some sort of race we're over right there that's that's that's one um well i have uh one more thing to bring up uh which i alluded to in another podcast and i really hoped mage would be here for this because she really she really has stronger opinions on this and doubtless she she's in the comments right now like angrily attacking me viciously for liking thin crust pizza uh i mean thick crust i hate thin crust that's the one i hate thin crust it's time for this debate it's time for this debate thin crust is objectively superior it is the best way to have me i'd be totally happy eating but i don't why can't we all just get along i'd be totally happy eating because and now there's we there's skin in the game ben we've been arguing about it now it's a matter of ego define thin crust real quick what are we what kind of thing okay uh i have you ever had papa geno's you probably never have had we just talking about like normal pizza versus like deep dish because i'm actually not i don't know but what when i think of thin crust i think of crust that is like a cracker like it's almost thinner than the toppings yeah the issue is yeah it's like it's like you bite it is it hard are you talking about hard no no no no it's not it's not hard like okay there's this place papa geno's where i actually worked for actually i am talking about hard i don't like it i am talking about hard as well okay well let me just describe pizza from papa jeus because because it sounds to me like thin crust is getting a bad rap here uh what was it i mean i'm assuming that what you're describing what you're going to describe is just new york style dictionary it's pretty much just normal pizza but a little thinner like well okay new york style is the best extremely thin crust but it's like it's that kind that's like super um it's it's thin but it's like almost watery it's like it's like well it's like when you pick up the slice and it folds in half you know like that's normal but when that can happen with specifically order thin crust from somewhere like uh pizza hut or something like that or like any other places they'll give you like this hard crust it's like super thin it's like a chip almost okay those those people are fucking it up they're giving a bad name because it's supposed to be you okay because that's what i don't like i don't like it when it's you yeah thin crust it's really nice yeah you like the you like the the thing oh because he's a you're a pizza boy i like the cracker shit i like it it tastes good i don't know dude no no no it tastes good it's it's like a party in my mouth and no one of the minorities are invited i kind of like i kind of like i kind of like the thin but like floppy like thin floppy yeah bottom to my pizza yeah i'm into that i mean i i like all crust but thing then crust is getting monopolized by there they're getting mistreated that you have a slaver bowl i i'm a bit of an expert on this okay because i was i was a pizza boy for many years here so i was specifically specifically i am i'm a quarter there you go boom um so okay the great thing about thin crust pizza and it again like it can't be that hard shit that's garbage you can't overcook it but it the really idea is that it highlights the sauce when you're biting into that you're not like you don't have a mouthful of fucking bread you've got some of the bread just a sort of a base foundation but that's when you can really enjoy and poppy juice has really good sauce i think i don't know i really love poppy juice they're really good i mean to me to me a pizza place really comes down to how good is their sauce like it's all about the sauce that's the main sauce like when you eat new york pizza they're all cooked the exact same way but if their sauce is better then that's the one you go to i i went to i had a lot of new york pizza you know because i went to school new jersey was always uh you know in the area and uh yeah like they were good i don't know i poppy juice is better i guess that's the point i'm trying to make i love poppy genoes if you're in massachusetts to the whole northeast go to poppy genoes you'll love it it's the best get the you get the barbecue get the barbecue chicken pizza at poppy genoes that's my favorite one that's pretty good i have a feeling instead of instead of tomato sauce it's got red i want to take you give i want to take you to poppy genoes give someday yeah i have a feeling that maybe pizza in the uk is just overall shit because that one time at brony con where we had we had all that that pizza delivered to that room yeah and it was really nice it was it was just like an actually nice sauce oh yeah it was it was a thin pizza but it was nice and floppy and the this the tomato sauce on it was actually really really good i've never had a sauce on a pizza that good which is why generally when there's a pizza i only think of what meat is on it and how thick the bread is and i like bread so you know that's that's the best thing about a pizza for me generally weird weird thing in in poland like they had like pizza places and like burger places were not as common there and it was weirdly different like i couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was but like the pizza that i would get in poland was just a little different than any it's like they didn't quite have the same like like grade of ingredients they were making it out of it was all like it was all like big and soft and like i don't know like a little too cheesy and the burgers there like the burgers you would get they were always like they were always kind of floppy and pinkish in some in like the meat was like pinkish how hard is it to cook a fucking burger i don't know it just didn't it just didn't i think like the meat was different or something when i was in tokyo like pizza was like a deluxe thing that you would you'd see all these dudes out on scooters like driving around delivering pizza you could they didn't even have like in-store shit you had to order it and like the dude would deliver it and this was like a luxury item but the pizza was still garbage and the pizzas were like way more expensive and they were fucking tiny they're like literally a quarter the size of a pizza here in the philippines like yeah there was a point while i was there it was about two and a half weeks in where i was just thoroughly sick of philippino food now it's like i need pizza like i'm i'm having but you can't even get like a pizza big pizza boy so there was one day it was like raining and i ordered a pizza from somewhere nearby and it was like i ordered a large and it was the size of an american medium you know and like i ate the entire thing it was it was all right but the thing is like in the philippines because they don't really have regular new york style pizza and they kind of have like two different variations you've got pizza hut which is everywhere over there and pizza hut looks like a fancy restaurant there because it costs the same amount that it does here but it's you know because of the conversion rates like five american dollars is like 15 uh like the equivalent of spending 15 bucks in um in the philippines so like pizza's treated like a gourmet thing but then the only other category is like the actual gourmet pizzas the ones that are like artisan crafted you know they've got like all these really interesting ingredients and stuff and it's always like 10 toppings and like those i love that kind of pizza like california pizza kitchen you know but it is fundamentally so different from pizza that i can't even really categorize it as pizza when i was in japan yeah like i always associated like the the pizza they had there were kind of like those like weird gourmet sweet shops with like put all this bullshit fluff and i'm like i just want to eat a fucking sweet cake i don't need all this extra shit sticking out it was kind of like that one time one time in poland i ordered a pizza and it was yeah like because because pizza's kind of a specialty item over there it was a bit it was a bit on the expensive side like for pizza like considering even though everything's cheaper over there anyway point is he the guy brought it he gave it to me i tipped him i just didn't give a fuck i just tipped him like a convenient amount which is 20s laudies i gave him 20s laudies which is like it's like seven or eight dollars but like in over there like because of the fucking economy or whatever that was like a $20 tip and the guy gave the guy like looked at me the guy like looked at me like he was weirded out he was like a little like confused and weirded out by the fact that i gave him this like fucking monster tip on his pizza and i was just like just typical american man i just felt like a pretty fucking huge tip for a pizza delivery in itself i guess it was i don't know i just was like here have some slobby's you fuck stinky pieces of shit well we're on the perspective pizzas and comparing them that's part of why i like that pepperoni is universal because when i go to a new pizza place i'm gonna try their pepperoni just because that's like to me the baseline like you have to like that's how i'm gonna judge whether i'm coming back here then i'll get into your weird shit you know but like i gotta know can you do the basics and if so then i'll come back for sure here's the thing about the king here's the thing about pizza is you can you can eat we know from ululilia that you can eat nothing but pizza but still lose weight and all you have to do is just eat a normal amount of pizza you just gotta degrease your pizza you just gotta soak you just gotta soak your pizza with napkins or soak up all the grease from it and then you eat it and then and then you're a healthy boy i can't like on the one hand i'm imagining like okay pizza without grease that that sounds great but you're using you're just gonna get napkin all over it like does it not come away tasting like napkin you gotta pay to play dog is i turn it upside down and i squish it into the plate and then you get another plate usually well yeah you just you just funnel it off is i drop all my pizza into a fruit juicer and i squoze out all the grease and then i take this coagulated destroyed lump that was once a pizza and i shove those in my mouth like fucking timbits funnel funnel the whole thing before i've cut it into into slices and i roll it up and i squeeze it like like over a pail of over a pail to squeeze all the all the funnels and then hang it out to the rolls are made funnel the pizza what did i just invent tostino's pizza rolls funnel off the pizza grease and cook your brussel sprouts in it and you will have a new favorite vegetable my friends mwah immaculate the first part of rad con too was eating that those pizza rolls and and and jerking around isn't good just go and fucking find all the pizza trees burn down the pizza forest and i was fucking smoked i was eating i was eating those leftover pizza rolls for like two weeks after that i fucking then my body now your communion ben my body is now your community and you remember those days when we were up late watching anime and i'd microwave some disgusting tostino's pizza rolls and we just watch adult swim i remember those days i mostly remember eating hot pockets yeah there were those two all right god disgusting don't need hot but we're closing the statement um thin crust hard is really nice it's like a cracker and you can crunch into it and it's really is really pleasant and um all of you are aliens and i'm going to eradicate you and stay at the human race you know i honestly don't think i've ever had thin crust from like pizza head so Nate what's your favorite fucking food right okay let's let's wrap this shit so okay i think i would have to say uh my favorite food i'm definitely uh i food disgusts me in general uh so i only think about it as a tool to live a better life and but uh you know i it matters to me how food tastes because i'm a weak human being so i would find that the my favorite food is definitely um it is a very specific thing but it's not a store thing it's this it's this crock pot right it's just the life of the crock pot it's uh it's the fact that you can take a crock pot throw in all this meat and vegetables and you can you know put in everything you want in there and you cook it up and and this is the crucial step you gotta spice it right i do not understand spice so i have yet to obtain the the correct way to make a fucking crock pot that isn't gross but i'm working on it every day and it's it's it's the joy of the hunt of the perfect crock pot experience because i have tasted the perfect crock pot when i lived when i first moved to to Cincinnati uh my uh my roommate who was like a navy seal or something he uh oh not navy seal he was like in the navy or something Simba Fidelis Simba Fidelis dog he uh he he made crock pot stuff occasionally and he would just be like yeah if you want some you know like i made a lot so feel free to have some this fucking dude was the goddamn wizard of the crock pot and uh like the thing is he spent so little time making it he just had the knowledge of how to do it correctly which is exactly what cooking's all about you know it's about once you understand you're efficient you get your shit done you eat right you get your your nutrients in it's delicious and the stuff this guy made was out of this fucking world and i'm on a quest to to replicate it here but there you go so there there it is crock pots i love crock pots i just want to say as a final word on this topic uh that all food is bad and no one she'd eat it it's all bad right we're not on the final word you haven't even two of us haven't even given our favorite foods yet and you're one of them okay i yeah i meant my final word i don't care what anyone else's is okay everyone don't eat food it's bad there's only four uh food groups that matter there's only four good foods and those are uh sushi pussy dick sorry don't go off my joke you son of a bitch my fucking punchline that i'm building towards is gonna blow out anything that you can think to interrupt me you know i'm so sick that's the number one problem with this podcast is i start a bit and one of you cock knobs interrupts me with with your own bit and you fucking ruin it every time you guys you don't deserve my bits but i'm gonna keep powering through it this is my fucking kramer moment i'm on stage right now at the lab factory i'm blowing up on the audience i don't even care if it's funny anymore you're all blacks you're all a bunch of blacks minorities and i hate you we we should work on the interruption that that is true uh okay well i don't know who who hasn't gone what does anyone who wanted to do more favorite was still going the point that i was making the only four good foods in the world are sushi glass bottle Pepsi lemon lime gatorade and chicken and tea i have discovered i have discovered i'm glad chicken tea is one food by the way that's the best part of the war i have discovered cucumber lime gatorade and i think or cucumber something gator it is the most delicious refreshing it's it sounds weird right but it's so fucking delicious i highly recommend uh wait what is it they serve Pepsi and glass bottles duh fucking idiot yeah yeah cucumber lime thirst quenchers highly recommend go out and buy some right now everybody oh the fucking mexicans who who raised me obviously before i jump into the water they have crazy some crazy concoctions some some crazy modern day potions that they have since uh a stored in various home depots across the nation across this glorious nation and if you go to a home depot you will find there they're crazy nectar and and they're they're wicked necker is a cold paint thinner that's good stuff it's called fucked up coke aka just coca-cola but it has real sugar in it oh is it oh oh is it it was it was it Mexican coke yep yep this guy this guy that i knew this like 50 something seven foot tall monster of a man his name his name was Nate and he was like hey no not not this guy he was he was a fucking he was he was like a freelance he was a freelance physicist known in the industry and not making this up as a dragon slayer yeah no because because like companies corporations would have like some like intractable science problem that they didn't know how to solve and they that would be the dragon and they would hire this guy to come in and fucking like do experiments and theorizing and theory crafting and stuff to fucking slay the dragon and fucking and fucking literally that's literally me from the future that is me from the future i guarantee it okay it's you and i after we merge into one being right and i obtained dominance of course it takes your name um anyway he he swore point point is he swore to me that Mexican coke was the ultimate hangover cure that was that's where that story was going that's cool all right Mexican wait how did you meet this guy i just want to know how you met him he was he was a he was one of the friends of the people at monkey house yeah okay what's the difference between Mexican coke and American coke i don't know because i never actually got to try any but it's just used with sweat and like ball sweat and much is right though there is there is a difference in the recipe because they're like you're not legally even allowed i don't know there's some difference but yeah they uh there's there's a difference here's a funny little story that'll make you laugh every time um you know how i'm i'm right i'm right next to the water in fact i'm underwater right now using my sick underwater mic um you know how there's like there's like food in the ocean which is fucked up number one yeah like like plankton and shit like plankton yeah like eat it eat it with your eat it with your grill and say i'm imagining like like taco bell bags you know like trash you know that kind that's that's straight up silly that is straight up silly anyway one time i i would never really dabble in the dark arts a k c food but once i once i once went to the city of denver um the the weed capital of the universe where all the where all the sick elamows get their good shit i once went there there was a bubblegum shrimp and i reluctantly tried a shrimp and and i thought it was really nice and now i really like shrimp and and more of the stories i had to go to a mountain to to learn the secrets of of of the ocean and that's it that's just go to show you that food um bridges cultures and if you go and if you go eat a muslimans brain you may learn these actual secrets food works in mysterious ways that's that's a beautiful story much you gotta miss the fucking ocean i hate being this piece of shit midwest great guys move to san diego all the other places are gay i'd like to move somewhere to a coast i i honestly hate living here i hate these fucking mountains i hate this shit where's the fucking sea i miss the smell okay anyway moving on uh so uh did you i guess you're the last one yeah right right i'm currently wondering if if jesse is still here or if he screamed chicken and tea so loud that he exploded um i think i think it sounds like an explosion yeah i am chicken and tea devour me i like this guy devour my flesh and drinketh of my flesh i am chicken and tea it's what i'm made of it's made of me i need our audience to appreciate just how often the phrase chicken and tea was uttered in the the digi ben and devour household because ben devour legitimately ate like mostly chicken and drank mostly tea as as did ben much of the time i was always frying chicken and i was always buying a wawa tea so we'd all just like eat up in the kitchen sometimes and we'd all just stand there and just stare at each other and go chicken and tea chicken and tea the doritos the doritos chicken that just didn't just didn't work it just didn't get out right i'm just picturing like two guys in a dark like an empty room to work sitting at a table with like a with a single light hanging over it like a like a spy movie like an interrogation room just sitting across a table staring at each other's bloodshot eyes just back and forth chicken and tea chicken and tea i'm gay i'm gay chicken and tea like to work to work like the video for dna by kendrick lamar i don't know if you've seen that video but it's exactly what you're describing oh yeah yep yep the doritos chicken would work if you fried it and then you dusted it with the powder it doesn't work when the powder is on it before you fry it it just doesn't it doesn't survive it doesn't survive the the the frying for what should be obvious reasons yeah live and learn well anyway yeah my favorite foods uh uh a broad broad category favorites would be macaroni and cheese all kinds and uh it's philly cheesesteak everywhere i go i try to good stuff everywhere that has a philly cheesesteak i gotta try and like 80 percent of them are disappointing but the few that are good are great you you were just in philly how was the cheesesteak there didn't uh didn't actually end up eating cheesesteak there which i fully intended to but it turns out the place that we were at was like deep in the heart of china town like okay which is massive in philly like all we like we we we walked several blocks in all directions and it was all china town so we ate at a ramen place we ate at a ramen place that that was Naruto themed everything in there was Naruto related they literally served our checks in volumes of Naruto that is fucking unbelievable go i i tweeted a whole bunch of pictures i saw the tweets if that we ran into shawn that that seems like a likely spot where he would be hanging out the Naruto ramen place funny story about that i was in philly maybe like two summers ago and i like i had never eaten a philly cheesesteak so i tried to order one and the waitress is like dude i live here it's like a meme it's like a force to me yeah it is a bit of a meme it is a that's that's the thing i don't think it's any better there than it is anywhere else although the place with the best philly cheesesteak in my city is a place literally called philadelphia so um i don't know yeah i'd love to try them there i mean i'm sure it's just as like much variety like there's probably some places that are good and some places that suck just like anywhere else but uh but yeah philly cheesesteaks are generally great but my number one favorite specific food in the entire world is the kona grill barbecue chicken flatbread pizza you have to go there i this pizza this fucking thing because the only place i've ever been to kona girl it's right next to the baltimore convention center um where baroni con and otacon were and like a couple years back at i think baroni con i i was i was just getting i was drinking at kona grill because it's also a bar and i ordered this flatbread because it was like there was like a happy hour it's only seven dollars for like what would be it's like half price so we i ordered it and it was the best thing i'd ever tasted in my life and i was like holy shit this is so magical how could this be and like afterwards i started ordering flatbreads at different restaurants none of them even came close i was like what is it about this kona grill one and finally a year later i go back i go back to kona grill and i order it and i legitimately cried when i ate it it was so good you know all the you know what you know i i just want to say okay go back to kona grill and and experience that again here we go all you have to do is pledge to the greatest podcast on earth the pony cast if we raise a thousand dollars oh yeah we'll go back to briny con and we'll all have kona grill forever we'll do it and pledge to the pony cast the best podcast of all time how is that gonna get me to baltimore it'll get you and hippo there well i mean you can come on your own dime and you can be there with us uh now now it comes to my business executive to say do not associate with the pony cast this is the pcp podcast fuck those guys those guys are trash don't associate them with el rapia they're bad people team hey with that kind of attitude you're gonna walk the plank nate well there are kona grills in other cities um that's a lie i listen to baltimore but but yeah i've had i even i i talked up this thing so much that people like several people at different conventions like went there and sent me pictures of them eating the pizza and they all said that they completely agreed with me that it was a magical experience so you know dude i i remember uh yeah we were all having dinner there was like you me a bunch of these guys i know like jeff bridges was there i think or not jeff bridges fucking uh that dude's birch yeah birches and i just i i'm just throwing out a hypothesis here i remember we had such a good time there perhaps that sort of instilled that particular flatbread pizza i chicken i think it was all the good vibes i mean that's the funny thing about you saying that nate is that when i went there the second time i was upset because nobody would go with me because everyone i it was that like i think otacon and everyone i know was poor like no one could afford to eat kona grill or was organized to do it so i went alone and it was like a long ass wait like i was waiting forever and i was just like oh my god this thing is this really going to be worth it like have i have i named myself and then i ate it and it was so good i actually cried and then i went back the next day and ate it again uh you know i i have one thing i have i have a confession to make guys there is one soda that just appeals to me on such a deep level that i have no choice but to enjoy it or i'm going to post a picture in the chat here you go 100 natural berry sparkling water luck luck is my favorite drink in the fucking world it's just it appeals to me on so many levels okay there you go well i have an actual thing to say thank you so much nate i i want to say i i want to say i was going to say the thing about the thing about look that god damn it was gonna say something but it's relevant to this image okay then say it first okay well this this lakuk aka lakroy um the the thing the thing about that is i it smells it smells like like a sweet delicious thing but it's not sweetened and i just i try as i might i can't get into unsweetened are you telling me this is a drink this is like a photoshopped image it's not actually called lakuk yeah the drink is what it's that's a terrible joke yeah i got meamed god damn it at our at our cousin alex's wedding which was like the most miserable time of my life um i went to the bar and i looked i was just looking for soda and i the only soda they had was lakroy and i took a sip and i was like oh it's not sweet i can't deal with it so i grabbed some grenadine from the bar and just poured it and poured it into my lakroy to try and sweeten it and some fucking second cousin or aunt i've never met before was like hey you spike in your drink and i was like no just just putting grenadine in my in my lakroy and they were like oh and that wasn't fun so they left me alone they were weird and i've never talked to you yet lakroy's disgusting he committed a serious faux pas that day and they'll never forget yeah all right here's a thing that i can't believe none of us have really brought up yet um which is dessert and i have a very specific dessert that is always the best thing after any meal it's it's it's literally perfect it's it's one scoop one big scoop of vanilla ice cream and a hot fudge brownie a nice big it's so perfect it's it's like it's like god and the devil like the god is is the vanilla ice cream and the devil's like you know skin the thick skin the leathery skin of the of the devil is the fudge brownies delicious the brownie the brownie is classic however in my opinion the best thing ever to eat with ice cream is my favorite pie which is strawberry rhubarb pie because the strawberry rhubarb cooks give us the sweet like the two like the slightly too sweet and mellow strawberries with like the tartness the tartness of the rhubarb combine to fill this the strawberry rhubarb pie with this red tangy goo that is just the most succulent thing on that sweet vanilla i really want to try rhubarb because i've seen people like eat it it's good you gotta you gotta come to our neck of the woods one day because our mom grows rhubarb in our garden and that she makes these giant ass strawberry rhubarb pies and we get ice cream uh it's not it's not a popular pie and i think it's just because people are scared of rhubarb because it just looks like celery but it is in fact if you cook it right it is just wonderful it's true it's true shit yeah i really want to try rhubarb it it i've seen it on loads of cooking shows that like people make in dessert so like i it's going to be a rhubarb uh it's uh souffle or whatever i oh i was trying to find rhubarb for the longest time because it was out of season and um i found some in a store and i brought it home and i made a strawberry rhubarb pie i came out okay and then i couldn't i wanted to make another one and i couldn't find it anywhere and then i was in atlanta um for a while visiting jackie and and and while i was gone davoo found rhubarb and bought some for me which was very nice yeah he was like hey i picked up something and he sent me like a picture of him next to the rhubarb giving me like the shit eating grin and i was like yeah so he he brought some rhubarb home for me and i took that and i took a um i took a bag of frozen um strawberries and blueberries because so i just i put blueberries in this one i cooked it with that so now officially if you make a strawberry rhubarb pie but you put blueberries in it that is now officially the davoo barb pie yeah so all right hashtag hashtag davoo barb uh tweet tweet pictures at tpcrastinators of you making your homemade davoo barb pie please fuck making art let's make food we're all gonna have food for us we can make our own restaurant the pc the pc p giron it will be really nice every food all the food is pc p in it that's as an antoine ego from ratatouille says like not not anyone can become a great artist but a great artist can come from anywhere and watch ratatouille it's a good film it is a good film you're a rat anybody else dessert or we i don't like dessert no no no no guys guys dessert real quick the best okay okay two things number one if you've ever wanted to be raped go to mexico but also if you ever wanted to have the most sucky thing ever inserted into your my into your mouth inconsistently also go to mexico because i was in teowano those two sound like the same thing to me those sound like the same thing funny story but but they have like they have fried ice cream there they have fried ice cream where it's like it's like a hard shell and then when you eat it it's like there's ice cream in the middle it's fucked up it's not real it's illegal and in fact i think it might be the most scary thing i've had my greatest scary i've ever had they have those are flambé there there's there's a couple combinations what was that called what is that called when you gotta blow torch yeah friday's that's flambé but fried ice cream is different fried ice cream is like fried in like in like a in like a bread shell yeah kind of thing but but the the the greatest scary effect that was a lie my greatest scary is in fact flan because i get so scared when i eat it because i know that nothing else will be better so you get some flan and flan's my favorite and it's it's all it's all it's all like jelly and i it makes me it makes me laugh every single time i just look at it and i can't help but xd it's just so fucking funny flan you make you make you got a good flan going you got the night's meal and entertainment exactly it's um flan's really nice i like to watch it dance in and that's the only thing that can get me all right also also um also uh another great ice cream thing is uh literal honeycomb pieces with dark chocolate and and ice cream what the fuck man that's deep like if you get literal honeycomb with vanilla ice cream and dark chocolate spring that sounds that sounds amazing but i don't know because i've never eaten actual honeycomb honeycomb is delicious i've had it sounds fucking awesome speaking of ice cream that reminds me of something traumatic that happened to me when i was a kid when i was in first grade my my my hot beautiful teacher took me out to get a banana split at dairy queen oh boy i know what that means you didn't even have the courtesy to molest me why take me out on on fucking on a banana split date if you're not gonna have a banana split you know what i mean is that why it was traumatic because you weren't molesting yeah exactly yeah i feel you dog it's an always sunny bit but it actually happened to me so it's still this is a real thing i relate very strongly to that episode uh uh here let me say my favorite real quick this is very simple there's this particular type of um friendlies ice cream i think just called forbidden chocolate and it is like the deepest darkest possible chocolate flavor and just a scoop of that is just the most delicious fucking thing nay i remember that on our family outings as youths when we went out for ice cream i know you would always get a black raspberry ice was it black raspberry or black yeah black raspberry with with peanut butter cups that's correct and i stand by that as a fantastic combination but uh it's good shit i just don't eat ice cream a lot at all anymore so you know if you like ice cream black raspberry peanut butter cups is great so go ahead and try it you piece of shit idiot i mean to be honest like what i what i consider a like a dessert like literally the glass of orange juice i mentioned before is my dessert and it's fucking great yeah if you can if you can trick your brain or not trying but like fix your brain into being like this glass of orange is like oh my god this level of sweetness it's uh that's where you want to be yeah yeah you reminded me of of of two things that i'm not sure people will agree on uh orange chocolate is great and also salted chocolate yeah i agree on both good both good i agree on both counts good you ever have hot pepper chocolate they're the the best to have what hot pepper chili i've had i've heard of that i haven't actually eaten it it's a chocolate with chili powder my mom likes i've heard of i've heard of like chocolate with garlic in it i'm not sure okay that's too far weird if you guys had white chocolate are you sleeping around a little kid no that that would be racist that would be racist i don't eat that shit you know what you know i i do love her she's cookies and cream though aka the things white chocolate are we still talking about food this has been going on for a couple hours guys i mean i was trying to make a conversation towards something more fun like child molestation yeah we haven't even gone off topic holy shit that's true well that's because food is the greatest topic and i knew it would be yeah i i i could go for like another like when are we gonna do the when are we gonna do the who got molested the most cast that's the one that i've been preparing all this time for i've had all my notes for years we all like we all i'm imagining like we all come to this to sit down with the pcp like we've all like we're all ready to hear our our hot childhood molestation stories and we all sit down like we're playing poker and we're all like eyeing each other we're all eyeing each other up and then someone someone shoots the gun someone shoots the gun to signal that we begin and we all throw our hands down we all got nothing and we're all like and then we cry for hours we cry for hours in the fact that we haven't been molested this is where i find out that my teacher molested all of you and what was wrong with me i thought i was your favorite oh man yeah dog yeah well food okay food cast is the only podcast that i was actually excited about enough to sign up for it the very beginning like the second the google doc went up i was like boom food first guy there no one else is intruding on this well i mean food is just incredible everything about it is great and there's literally no negative whatsoever and the fact is we've only barely scratched the surface of discussion of food i would like to have but thankfully if you if you too would like to hear much more food discussion go subscribe to munchie shatsky and listen to our podcast and all together now you can watch the best show in the universe hey uh uh there actually is a relevant question here as i as i'm looking at our has our hashtag ask pcp questions make sure you do that shit you don't even have to add us anymore just ask pcp so let's uh let's transition over here here's our dude uh at dr butz asking what's your go-to meal that you cook do you got and is like he's like you guys do cook your own meals right no this was a food cast or is that no no this guy didn't know this guy had no idea unless dr butz is some sort of time wizard uh the the thing that i cook all the time is the time wizard is is is uh fucking something with past i don't know i descended proctology the last time i cooked was like literally a month and a half ago when me and munchie made ramen for the stealing your dad's podcast yeah adults cook anything that is cooking yeah well you boil the water you pour the powder there you go wait i i made a loaf of bread today i made two little loaves of bread today just because we didn't have any bread that's awesome so that's holy shit i don't make i don't make it often but you can make bread homemade bread is the homemade bread rules oh you guys yeah you guys should look into uh homemade bread yeah it's fucking great um i make one thing all the fucking time and it's called a bread basket and it's just a piece it's this goofy little like thing i learned at boy scout camp a million years ago which is just a piece of bread and you like uh you put like olive oil on it and you put it and you you actually like cut out the center of the piece of bread and you crack an egg and you put it into the center hole and you just fry that and then you flip it over you fry it again you make sure that that yolk stays fucking runny so as to not ruin it oh god my fucking lucky stars fall on everywhere and um uh and then you just eat it and it's delicious the best i use i used to make better i used to make i used to make egg sandwiches for myself all the time because they're super cheap and easy and delicious put a little tomato on there and you're all good oh but since but since i discovered digi's deep fryer ever since then i just i fried chicken just homemade fried chicken is what i've is what i've done with my life that reminds me there were there were two there's two things that i that i will i don't know cook call it cooking or not i prepare two dishes that i that i used to eat all the time that i was kind of proud of one is uh is just ramen but ramen with all kinds of extra shit in there where you just like boil a bunch of onions and stuff in the pot like up until adding the ramen and then uh and then like add in sriracha and all this like every fucking spice you can find in the cabinet just make a chaos ramen you know you know it would be all about me you know who'd be all about that shit i mean this is a fucking gladiolas from final fantasy 15 there is legitimately a plot line where the the real ramen uh you know branded top ramen has like this plot line where gladiolas is like just going on about how like fucking this guy is like the biggest most jack dude in the fucking world and he's talking about a bunch of those fucking top ramen and like making these piece of shit recipes where you just like oh it's the ultimate flavor experience you can add a bunch of extra shit and it's fucking fantastic i'm just saying like it's pretty fun i just want to put you guys next to each other i want to put you guys next to each other and be like these guys both eat the same shit what is happening here what's what's the difference here well yeah i mean i don't eat it all the time or anything but the other thing that i that i enjoy making is uh egg salad sandwiches where you make your own egg salad like just take a cup hard boil a couple of eggs and then throw in like a shit load of mayonnaise and mustard and hot sauce and pepper and salt and anything else you feel like having in your egg salad and then just grind that shit up and it can make a couple sandwiches out of it and it's fucking delicious but get it get it on like giant bread get like a big crazy bread with like a thousand grains bigger than a continent piece of bread um uh here is the second these the second munchie delectable called father guts because i just love dad so much here's what you do you you you crack literally 12 eggs that's how much i eat normally i eat 12 eggs level eggs okay and and then and then you get a huge fucking pan then like like like you make scrambled eggs like normal then you put in the following pepper jack cheese because i fucking love pepper jack cheese then you then you put in um honey ham and you also put in like little bacon bits and uh then you you scramble all of that and then uh you just drown it in fucking um pep like like like like like table pepper and like normal like actual like big boy like actual like real man pepper and uh it's pretty good sick and it resembles guts that i would eat from a father by the way update food update everyone i have transitioned to eating a giant fucking piece of broccoli and raspberries excellent i live like a king yeah good excellent i think we're we might probably be done for for the food so shall we go on to questions you're literally in the questions right now sorry i think i zoned out idiot your question what do we cook so oh fucking stupid question feet topic relevant that's confusing um okay well here's here's a question that's actually like the worst question ever but like maybe we could just say something that's useful this guy this uh is piece of shit idiot at solely claw asks uh don't know if this was talked about in the past but what's the origin of the pcp you dumb piece of shit i feel like that's been talked about more times than so many times yeah okay maybe this guy's a new guy we just want to see nothing we like to talk about more than ourselves yeah that's right here's the story of the pcp i wanted some clowns to entertain me and juggle and so we thought really hard and and then they started materialized you know the ones the the the wicked gestures they started to show up and then and and do their sacred jigs and and their and their cursed juggles and oh how i oh how i laugh oh how i lol every time i some of them for their powers i feel like we should write a a uh um a the saga begins esk history of yeah and then just have that out there do a lecture on the pcp university on the pcp there are just digis in a fandom far away some ponies were dammellizing shit i don't know digis unreal digis unreleased uh footwear uh lecture was almost a history of the pcp yeah it was it was yeah i just i want to see it i want to give credit by the way it's unwatchable because the fucking audio was fucked up oh there's a oh oh oh oh no it's not yeah i found it i have it i have footage of your lecture with pretty decent audio like your audio is good but my audio is dog shit no no your audio is fine in the footage i have really you don't get the only problem i footage that i have is that it's a close-up on you and you don't see us in the audience but the audio is fine huh because what's when i listened to it it was like the audience's mic was on but not mine so like you you can hear me but i'm like way in the distance and i sound shitty and uh and everybody in the audience sounds great so some so i find the one i still don't know if it'll ever see the light of day though because the lecture itself is terrible yeah it was done like four in the morning none of us wanted to be there it's like seven in the morning and i'm i'm drunk uh everyone else is tired because either they've been up all night or they had to be woken up for the lecture so like no one is interested in doing the lecture the lecture was about me and i was like the least invested of anyone there no one was invested at all i wish we could do it again and do it better you know that lecture was too long and rambly and you're the fact that you were drunk really showed through a lot also i'm shirtless the entire time and i can't down the board doing the exact same things over and over again that we told you not to do because it would knock down the board and you can't you persistently did it for the entire just if you want to tell the people the story of endless jest just make the endless jest analysis video that you've been saying you were going to make for four years to finally make me have some success i've been meaning to do farce of a life that i've been scraping buy-in i've been meaning to do it but you kept over the last six months you kept insisting that you wanted to leave the internet and not draw more attention to yourself so i was not sure if i should do it anymore well that's also true but the impetus is on you to find a compromise between my two wildly contrasting opinions on the subject of my you gotta know maybe how about you make an analysis about a mysterious guy that you won't need but you say we know it's just i you know i'm not sure we know enough about the mysterious rhinoceros to actually make a full yeah you know he's just too mysterious um well okay so but but seriously analysis of endless g finally the people can see and it's just me and a donatello mask what's i'm going to the thing it's procrastopedia at dot mirror he's or what's the one i don't mirror he's dot like the there's a wits okay here we go yeah it's it shouldn't be a procrastopedia dot mirror it's not it's like a guy's personal thing it's not actually a wikia if you go to pro cat procrastopedia dot mirror he's and we'll put a link in the description dot org that's like some you can at least read up to get the basics there but just like if you just watch from the start you're gonna know like 90% of the shit so sure we've had like podcasts just dedicated to telling the bottom line is that it's all thanks to me i'm the reason that all these people are friends they all got together because i am great so everyone that's comments that i suck on every episode you're fucking welcome for this podcast existing those people have mostly gone away mostly people love you now yeah i mean it seems like every episode is jesse was right the comment section yeah um do we have another question yeah let's see what do we got okay here is a fun one for you folks at home at mohammed underscore h uh if you were a female what boob size do you want to have and how much would you actually show i've thought about that a lot i've thought it's a tough one i would immediately kill myself well of course i've always i think i'd be a modest lady the way i've thought about it is that i like girls with like smaller to moderate size tits like i like smaller tits so i would rather have bigger tits so that like i could attract those girls like because i'm assuming i'm a lesbian if i'm a if i'm of course so whatever you want look i think about this literally every day of my life i've no doubt what i would do if i was a lesbian so my my ideal is i've got big boobs so other girls think i'm hot and they won't like girls with smaller boobs probably don't think there is they probably have you know aren't as confident about their attractiveness so they see me is that real life i'm not sure that works i'm the hot one and i'm like no i think you're the hot one uh and you know if i was a girl that's kind of that's kind of romantic did you i like it i guess if i was a girl i would go trans and then be a man again and then yeah that's it but how big would your boobs i would circumvent i would still have boobs and they would be gigantic like like dragging it down on the floor like i would trip over my own lips constantly oh my god i'm sorry can we just skip ahead to this other question because this is fucking gold all right okay no i'm sorry i'll come back to that i'll get to it after you fish munchie how big would your tits be you piece of shit my tits would be not they they they wouldn't be real and um you know i wouldn't like it so the answer would be if i if i preferably really big so it would hurt even more when i cut them off without surgery like an amazon warrior right yeah well for me i i know i talk a lot you know about hashtag killing all women you know that's that's me i started that hashtag that was all me um but i actually think i actually have some empathy for chicks with tits because i i think i might be embarrassed about it if people were looking at them too much and i i i know that i would definitely be modest i would definitely be modest about about i don't know what size they'd be because that's a retarded question what have i got a fucking fanfiction about my own fictional fake female tits yes i don't fucking know i i i've i've i've written so many stories about lesbians where i'm just projecting myself into one of them i don't know uh probably small i don't know yeah i i'd be modest too i'm uh you know i'm the rainbow dash person so you know flat dtf that's me what pony are we guys what pony are we oh i'm definitely uh you know gay um uh let's just move on to the next question uh okay this is a fantastic one okay at yukari k for gold ask simply do you tolerate children no never under no single day of my fucking life no they're unacceptable i'm not always they are in abomination there's literally put them in a concentration that much i'm not tired live i'm not around children that much but there's there's definitely a an age range which is always bullshit and then there's an age range beyond which they're okay so as long as they're okay i'm okay with them but if they're like yelling and screaming and they don't know how to not do that then i will kill them everybody under 25 should be in jail i know i i agree well that's what we have school for that's not even an accurate that's completely true um i uh yeah i advocate for the concentration camp solution for children they should be you know brave new world that's what we should i think i get along with kids a lot better than most people seem to uh everyone i know because you're a pedophile so you know everyone i know is always like yeah you have oh my god kids are kids are just so terrible they're so obnoxious and they're so this shit and i'll never have kids and i'm like i think it's just because i see myself as vastly more powerful than them that like nothing they can do can bother me because i think this is just the the the screams of a child you know you're just some kid well they like right well that's why i said like if you can talk to them and they can talk back if they can like understand words and they'll be like uh what does this mean you know i would humor that for a bit i i think i could talk to a young child that can speak but like a like a screaming baby i mean you gotta eat i think of it in terms of like oftentimes i'm thinking of this in terms of like would i would i want kids of my own right because like when you see a terrible child in public you always think oh god kids are awful but it's not kids it's just that kid and his shitty parents you know but like yeah when you meet kids who are great you're like oh right kids can be great it's a matter of like what kid it is and how they're being raised you know and it's like there are no good if i know what i'm doing to at least some extent maybe i can manage to have a kid who comes out cool you know well i mean it's still going to ruin my life no matter what i know that like you know if anything codename kids next door has taught me is that we must destroy them they're coming for us dude they have the technology uh my yeah uh vincent and charlotte will be the perfect children it will be you know you know twins uh it's they're going to be raised properly they're going to be good boys and girl uh you really named your son after ben saint's comic i've i've fucking ben probably named his character after my potential son because i've what i've liked that name for a fucking i didn't even know i didn't know about that until you i did it's been like 20 years i've been talking about that much later and then i remembered vagus oh yeah you did say you like that name well well i suck it i don't i don't have a fucking copyright on the name so i don't like it actually been 20 years you've been saying it you've been thinking about having kids since you were six final past seven final past seven out came out in 1997 which is when i played the game it's been 20 years since then and ever since then i like the name vincent and thought i'd name my son after him uh there you go when i was a teenager i really hoped i would have a kid and name it com we and now i want to kill myself oh god oh my god like like from from x yes like from x i can't believe you knew that i can't believe i know that either but fuck you yeah it means it translates to child of god i believe i was like why are you all laughing so hard at that that i realized it makes it sound like i am god if i name my kid com we that's not what i meant how did you name him after kamui and not kusanagi the actual only good character in that show in x i well i never watched the show of x i only saw the movie you never actually watched the show no i watched i saw them i too only saw the movie and i thought and i thought it was the coolest shit when i was like 12 years old because it was cool let's all go back and watch sex yeah i'm dying here is this the one about the brother and sister who are reincarnated angels is that the one not quiet i don't fucking know it's about an angel sanctuary that's what's called neon genesis a van killing where there's the dragons of heaven and the dragons of earth and there are two different seven man teams who have to duke it out in in like these like this version of like they're fighting in tokyo but they'll open up like these you know um these things where it's like they don't affect the outside world and they do get out with superpowers and psychic abilities and shit but in the movie it's all about the deaths it's all about the crazy ass ways that people get killed and then it ends with the fucking apocalypse and everything gets destroyed and you see people fucking there's a hilarious moment where all these people are running out of like a church or something and you just see a pillar just fall on a guy and crush him completely and fall through the earth it's fucking awesome and then at the very end everyone's dead except for the main character and he's just sitting there like crying and cradling his best friend's head because he had to fight his best friend so i remember that yeah i've seen that that image yeah okay it's awesome well 10 out of 10 um and my socks what okay there's another one i cannot believe i remember the main character of x's name what the fuck i saw that movie once like 15 years ago i think it's like both the main characters are named kamui and like the the fact that they are named that is a big deal in the movie so like that's why it's such a memorable i was going to say it ben because i remembered it too but i was like no i shouldn't say this it'll be too gay if i out myself that's not no problem for me and you got us on a cool anime conversation yeah hero here's you left over saint you okay here's here's a simple question with far-reaching ramifications so maybe this will be our last one but it's uh at xylevich our old friend xylevich the minan asks pessimism versus optimism i like to think he's asking what's better what's more optimism optimism be helpful pessimism actually does have some advantages it helps you plan for bad things that can happen and actually it helps you it helps you be a coward and not doing have you heard of the phrase here's the thing optimism is nicer i like nice things like say that again did you like have you heard of the phrase cautious optimism like just sure like to me optimism it's not about thinking that things will go well it's about hoping that they will go well like like like just not like if pessimism is to always assume the worst to think to think this is going to go badly and i think that's actually more limiting because people won't like do things that are helpful because they just assume they've already lost okay well there are things will go if you think things will go bad for sure you'll never take any risks exactly well okay if you get paralyzed by it then sure i'm with you but i mean i don't know how scientific this was but once i think i read somewhere that in general people who are at least have some elements of pessimism in their life are generally actually happier and it's because they always expect things to happen for them uh that will turn out bad and so when they are surprised that they turn out good that actually has a larger happiness boost to their psyche that people who are optimistic who are continually disappointed by the world around what a stupid question that really breaks that like because like when i think pessimism or optimism thinking like an extreme version like my parents my mom is a pessimist and she just always thinks that things are going to go wrong and my dad is an extreme optimist it just always like he's just always oh it's going to work out it will work out no matter what it's going to work out and both of them are like wrong in the way that they think because my mom will just not do things because she thinks that it's not going to work out and my dad will just uh you know make like assume too much good is going to happen and then it's never as good as he thinks it will be you know like you need to be somewhere in the middle you can't just have one extreme or the other right but like i think overall if your mindset is things can go well then you will be you'll be more ready to take risks and and do things as opposed to like always assuming that the worst is going to happen okay all right we've got here's our actual last question this question is is the best i totally skipped over it before but here we go this is fantastic at slapdash studios asks dream company to shill for i love this question patreon.com slash ben saying okay well dream company from software he's asking yeah like what company do you want to be like hey guys i'm here today on my shitty youtube channel to play a fucking gay gay guys from gay to cut it's a good game from my mother's basement here to show you another great product minus tecati i the beer who is that again i know you've described the beer right right okay i want them to just if they would give me free beer to show their beer i would show their beer constantly right right um taco bell i want i want that free mario kart bro i want that free mario kart are they the mario kart you know do they control the the means of production everywhere throughout the world dude and when mario kart 64 came out there like if you fucking do that shit then we'll fucking hook you up bitch and i was like here's here's a weird here's a thing here's a thing i thought as a kid it's not directly related but i thought that if i bought stock in nintendo the corporation that would mean that like a certain percentage of all nintendo consoles in the world belonged to me and i could and i could and i could have them so i so i kind of wanted to like invest in nintendo's like yeah i have tons of nintendo's i don't know it just sounded like it sounded like a real good idea at the time no but with that mean you could go to a friend's house and take their game because you own yeah this yeah this is one of the ones that i am in legal possession of friend here yeah you should you should have invested your money i own one percent of all these games so therefore i get to have your games for one percent of all time so you'll get this back after that time is done actually i like to change my answer to a whorehouse i would like to shill for a whorehouse and get free whores that also sounds great that would be ideal i you know i appreciate the efficiency evolved in the whore setup i really think it's not to be under i i wish we would invest in that kind of infrastructure trump that's where our money should be going right now i don't even disagree so much i literally don't disagree i literally believe that i would like to i have actual for the uh for the uh calypso foundation for the annual twisted metal tournament because you know that's really what we should be investing and building towards as a country is an annual tournament where i can drive around in my car and shoot missiles and kill people and destroy pretty much the entire country and and just leave smoldering fucking ashes and ruins of cities in my wake and then get a wish at the end it's yeah it's kind of like the purge only with sick nasty monster trucks and shit so you know just better in every way i got a fucking guy in traffic flipped me off the other day and i'm just like twisted metal man how much longer till we have fucking twisted metal there's legislation in congress right now to legalize twisted metal it's coming i'm coming for you man who flipped me off you you've thought you got away from me but that with that with the twisted metal tournament's coming hashtag it's just the way the wind's blown dude it will be legalized yeah yeah like state legislation is already passing it across the united states eventually it's going to be adopted federally uh yeah okay here's mine so what i when i made my uh or i just i get a lot of shitty comments on my um on my like final fantasy seven remake is going to be a piece of shit video and this one guy this one dude my hero was like dude you fucking fag you fucking know that if square enix was paying you to fucking make videos you'd be on their fucking nuts saying how great this remake is and i just want to let that guy know he's 100 right he's 100 right i would definitely sell out in a second i would tell everyone how good video games are if i could work for square enix i would suck it so you know more is dick i would uh i do it all it's i'm just looking for a chance just give me a chance guys i i want to show i want us to be a square enix shell i want i want to show for for mickey mouse not disney just just the mouse just him just whatever he's doing i just want to tell people about his his his sneaky dealings i would i would show i would chill for the crown city melee come and see your favorite fucking friends and allies and heroes all fucking murder each other and gut each other for fun for your entertainment where can you where can you find a broadcast of this saint comics dot com baby hand handcrafted in notepad with love in another four months you might get two more pages for fuck yeah we'll kill you but not before myself i'll take you all out with me when i go okay sounds like i got a better i got a better sponsor matt game theory game pat game theory i'm gonna tell everybody to go to go over there and ju it's just a youtube channel game theory youtube channel and thanks for giving me money and that's fucking mad pat okay that's enough we're done actually i want to change mine to arizona ice tea so my entire pitch could just be tray vaughn tray vaughn tray vaughn i don't understand what that means um arizona tea owner shot tray vaughn martin oh right you fucking set that up and it shouldn't have worked and we all fucking we all fell for it we fell for it we fell for it thank god that was masterful patreon.com slash munchie slash calypso slash twisted metal all right everyone make sure you send us more questions any time of the week now hashtag ask pcp just send us that shit on twitter we'll we'll see what i'm thinking like oh i i wonder i wonder what nate thinks my feet smell like ha ha and then you should ask that it's a good one or uh or uh what's the gayest thing uh munchie is doing uh on today uh and he'll tell you he'll tell you what it is so there you go people i think i think that's his commenting on a youtube video voice i think that's what he's doing there uh all right thanks for listening everybody we'll see you next time bye okay done yeah xd