 Hello everyone, welcome to Working Together on Think Tech Hawaii, where we discuss the impact of change on workers, employers, and the economy. I'm your host, Cheryl Crozier-Garcia. On today's show, we're going to be talking about a group of people who are frequently overlooked when we talk about our workforce. People with special needs, including mobility or intellectual challenges, and those who are medically involved or have chronic health diagnoses, are one of the most often-ignored sources of talent. Often, these people want to work and are capable of performing the essential functions of a job, but they are simply overlooked by employers who are in need of talent. By law, every child is entitled to a free and appropriate education, and special ed programs are available at many of Hawai'i's public schools. But what happens to a student with special needs once they graduate from high school or age out of special ed programs? And what about their families? How do parents, siblings, and the rest of the Ohana ensure that a child with special needs continues to receive training and other necessary services when public education is no longer an option? Today's guest has a great deal of information to share on this topic. She's the mother of two children with special needs, and she's going to tell us about the challenges and the blessings of raising kids who have special needs. We want you to join in the conversation, too. Please call us at area code 415-871-2474 or Tweet at thinktech-hi. And now, please join me in welcoming Talitha Manigo. Hi, Talitha. Hello. How are you today? I'm fine. How are your kids? Wonderful. Good. Now, you've got three. Yes. Two of them have special needs. That is correct. And it's the two older ones. They're 20 and 18. Yes. And then your 14-year-old does not have special needs. At one point, he did. Okay. He had a developmental delay in his speech, and he went to Trippler for two and a half years because we are a military family, and that got corrected over that period of time. And now he's a straight A student. Fantastic. First, can you tell us a little bit about the process that enabled the medical professionals and others to diagnose your other two children? Sure, I can. As far as my daughter, I noticed that something was different in her development at an early age. She wasn't catching up the essentials, just communication style and things that had that words, verb itch. So I had her diagnosed at a very young age, roughly around about four and a half five, and they said that she wasn't developing as she should be. As time went on, she had more diagnosis, and she was eventually diagnosed as being bipolar disorder, ADHD, and oppositional defined disorder and learning disorder. So it was a gamut of a variety of things. As far as my son is concerned, he's ADHD, that's my 18-year-old. And I think what really helped me was the fact of Hanna, coming to Hawaii, simply put, to be honest with you, and being stabilized since I was divorced from my spouse, it allowed me the fortitude of getting the services that the island had to provide, which I think was very helpful in coming here. Without that, I don't think I would be able to have done as much as I did. And then by the state of Hawaii, just recognizing the fact that I needed to provide external care to my children and turn on external for long durations of time, which is really a 24-hour care to provide for them. So it was recognized in the family court, and it was also recognized with the Child Enforcement Agency. And I was deemed that I didn't have to work in order to take care of them, which I know many people don't have that advantage of doing. But I was really blessed to have that given to me as a single parent. So that allowed me to understand the care that was required of my children more so, and the dynamics and go to more medical appointments and advocate for them and understand what the process was for the healing of them to get them up to speed and what they need to be in life. So that was really beneficial to me, and I appreciate that. So you became, well, I mean, every mother is a 24-hour mother. But you had the responsibility for all of the hands-on mothering and all of that as all three of your children were growing up. Yes, because the average parent, like you said, they have to work. And I was given that blessing of not having to work in that format of a nine to five. So when it was recognized, the judge basically said, I work when it's practical. Understanding that the dynamics of my children were priority. And I stress to him the importance of a lot of services are not 24-hour care. Right. So that's what I came in. And I was able to fill a lot of those positions and be hands-on as a mom and give them the extra care that they need. And also the extra attention. Because when you have special needs children, it's not just a one day thing. Right. And it taught me a lot as a mother as well, patients, for example. And able to juggle and balance the needs of having one child that was no longer special needs versus the other two that were. So I had to learn a lot of patience, dedication. I went through a lot of worry and frustration. I think all mothers do when a child was not as they had the expectation of them being just a regular kid like everybody else. So you gotta try to find a balance within yourself. How do you fix the problem? How do you advocate for that child? How do you wind up showing what would be best for that child? And so you're talking with the psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors and all those parties that helped with the participation of the child to get the child where they need to go. So it really gave me a blessing to me in disguise, which I didn't recognize at the time, to be there with them, to understand the whole gamut of what was going on with them, you know. Now you mentioned that you had divorced. Yes. And other family members, extended family, provided support to you. Did they move to Hawaii to be with you? I didn't have that. So that's why I said it was a blessing for me to have not be able to work. I am came here way of a military service member being married. We got divorced here. And I decided to stay in actuality because of the O'Hana, because of the services that were giving to me. And the fact that it was recognized, as I said before, with the court system. And I took that and I ran with it, and I looked at it as a true blessing, because I didn't have support avenues of my mother and extended family to come here. So I was the beginning and the middle of the whole story. Wow, yeah. Now did your kids receive services via public education, the public schools or some of the military? They received services, educational component through the public schools. But they also received additional services regarding medical treatment and things like that. So some were in-house through the military aspect. And some were also in Hawaii itself. And it was very good to me because at points in times if the military couldn't provide it, or it was taking too long to get appointments or assessing the staff that I needed for as a medical component, then I could go into the Hawaii side, the local side. And endure that endeavor of getting the services so I can have continuum of care without having to break in services and needing for that health of my child. Right. So that was very beneficial to me. Now I've got to ask you a question. I have a special needs sibling, which I was mentioning to you before we went on the air. He's grown now in terms of age and just being a grown man sort of chronologically. But intellectually, he's not. He's an infant in many ways. How do you, two of your children are adult by law now. Yes. How do you provide what is reasonable for an adult but still acknowledging that there are areas of these children that may require the type of care that you would give to a younger child? Yes, and that was very hard for me in challenging because they realize something is different with them. And just the growing up in the development of a child, they're in a special needs classroom so they're not with the regular component of every other child. They realize the development, the homeowner balance within themselves and that. So it was challenging for me because it's like sometimes you can be overbearing and you try to safeguard them from everything that's external so they won't get hurt and then other times you try to pull back and let them go on their own but you're scared they're gonna fail. So I think it's more of an internal network within yourself. When they acknowledge to you, I got this, you set them up for success not failure. And you give them the tools that they need to let them know they can achieve it. And then you praise them for the things that they do even if it's in an incomplete task. So that to me was very beneficial to let go a little bit and have that fear factor, like I said, I'm getting hurt, but you set them up with the acknowledgement and the blessings and let them know that they can do it and you advocate for them every step of the way. So they will have challenges within their own right and you have to give them that. Because that makes them reassess, well, maybe I'm not ready for this right now or maybe I need a little bit more care in this area right now. And then you just pull back and then you jump back in when necessary. So I have to really say, I think if I didn't have all that time with my children, they wouldn't be so much attuned to where they at in life right now. In general, I think they have been very successful in their own right. But like I said, for me, it was a checks and balance of knowing what I can do as a mother, what my limitations were. And what my attributes were. Sometimes you love a little too much and you can hold them back from what they need to be. My daughter right now, she went to culinary school and she's also works at the zoo as a cook. My son, he's graduating from high school this year. And he wants to go to college as well to be a football player. So I'm a very big advocate of cheering my children on to let them know they can be a great success with any of rights. And I don't let their disabilities be a hindrance to them to cripple them. They are aware of them, but they also take into consideration how can they balance it. I mean, I'd be good in this area, but I could be more sort of in this area. Trying to still overcome, right? Now, both of your children have ADHD to some degree. Yes. How do you differentiate between this is their condition, kicking in, making it difficult for them to focus or pay attention or these kinds of things? And just rebellious teenager being a pain because they want to see how far they can push mom. I think that's a trial by trial basis because I think it depends on your task, to be honest with you. For us like an educational task, homework assignment, for example. If you see them struggling, can't concentrate, need more breaks. Things like that, then you know it's more of an educational component. Medication maybe need to be restructured or more breaking down of information and data. So they can't achieve whatever the standard is. And I think on the other end, I think it's just peer pressure too. Just growing up and being an adolescent. So with that, to me, mostly you gotta have patience. And you gotta step back before you make a judgment. And I think that's the most important thing. And then you can see it with better eyes, per se. Just take a two minute or two second break or whatever. Reassess the situation and see what it really is. Instead of you just jumping in for what you think it is. And I think is the biggest thing for me. Well, that's great. So you've got two that finished high school. One that's finished a professional program. Yes. We're gonna go to break in just a second here. But when we come back, I want to talk about your two older kids. And I want to talk specifically about their job prep. And the kinds of accommodations they may need at the workforce. And to be able to do a good job as an employee with special needs. Okay. Yeah, no problem. So we will be back in just a minute. This is working together on Think Tech Hawaii. Hi, I'm Carol Cox. I'm the new host of Eyes on Hawaii. Make sure you stay in the know on Hawaii. Join us on Tuesdays at 12 noon. We will see you then. Aloha. You want to talk about some socially sensitive issues relevant to women? Listen to these guys. Well, I think it's important in Judaism that we don't take the Bible literally. We take it seriously. Okay. I agree. And really the key to understanding Christianity is compassion. If you're compassionate towards other people, you are living a Christian life. And that relates also to dealing with women and men and women issues as well. Are women and men equal? They're equal. Who's better? Why should that be the first? Depends on what? Tune in. Hello, this is Martin Despeng. Please join me on my new show, Humane Architecture, like the one in the back that you see by architect David Rockwood. The show is going to be on Tuesdays, 5 p.m. here on Think Tech Hawaii in downtown Honolulu. See you then. Welcome back to Working Together on Think Tech Hawaii. I'm Cheryl Crozier-Garcia, and I'm speaking with Talitha Manago about the gifts and challenges of raising children with special needs. Join in with your questions or comments. Call us at area code 415-871-2474 or tweet us at thinktechhi. Now, Talitha, before we went on break, you mentioned that your two older children had already completed high school and that your daughter was employed at the zoo as a cook. And is doing very well in that job. What kinds of accommodations, in particular, did your children need in order to perform the essential functions of a job? And especially your daughter, was it difficult for her to find an employer that was willing to make those accommodations? I think it is sometimes because, in fact, you want to have a good mesh. Like I said, you want to set the child up for success, not failure. So I think the most thing you should do is be upfront about what the needs of the child is and talk to the employer and see if that employer can make those accommodations, far as my daughter is concerned. So you have to start them off easy when it comes to the job component and things of that nature. Just be honest and say, this is the needs of the child. The child needs frequent breaks or anything like that. If it needs more oversight, just to get down to basics, things like that. My daughter, she's more of a hands-on type person. And I realized that through her development. She could learn as she do, versus being more articulate with her skills or also analytical thinker. She's not. So you have to demonstrate her, because people learn in different ways. Some people learn by reading is something that can comprehend. Some people learn by touch and feel. Some people learn just by hearing. So with her, she has to feel it, see it. And it comes recognizable for memory. And repetition was the thing for her. So very simple, easy tasks were best for her. And just, like I said, the most part for me was just being up front with employers and letting them know I have a special needs child. She is a gift. Can you work with us? Can you give them simple tasks and things like that? And in the end, the child really feels rewarded by that, because it gives them a level of independence. And it lets them know they can achieve. And I think most of the time, any child has special needs just want to feel normal, like everybody else. They don't want to stick out for something of that nature. So that's what was beneficial to her. Regarding my son, he's still in school right now, and he's graduating in May. I am currently talking to the Rehabilitation and Vocational Services, which is a nonprofit organization funded through the state. And they also help with counseling, resume writing, cover letters. They also help with technical schools, trade schools, colleges, and things of that nature to help support the child. And what you do on the intake is they assess the child. The child has a disability. Once they find out the child does have a disability and meet the standards, then they set up a plan. So it's like an IDP, you know, Individualized Educational Plan, same concept. And what they do is they assess the child and they find out what better ways the child learns and things like that, what colleges will be best for them and what accommodations can be made at like the community colleges or the university for that child to go to. So that was very beneficial to me. Like I said, once they evolve from high school, there are programs out here in the state of Hawaii. I don't think they really publicize as much as they could be. I had to research and find out what was there to benefit my child. I usually go talk to them one-on-one versus over the phone. I think you can make a better impression, you know, and explain to them and get their focus to say, okay, I'm here, I have a child, and I'm here to advocate for my child. Can you help and assist me, you know, and see what's the better fit for your child? Because it has to work on both ends, because you want a successful relationship with anybody that you partner with with these services on the island, for your child to procreate and become a productive member to society. Right, right. Now, your daughter works full-time at the zoo? Yes, she does. Does she work at the refreshment stand? Yes. I want to go get some of her food. What kind of cooking responsibilities does she have? Oh, she started out cleaning tables. Okay. Because we had to work up to it. She started out cleaning tables, and then they had her in the room being supervised. So she makes the standard little cheeseburgers and hot dogs there and things like that. And I think that's a really good fit for her, because I was taking her around to different culinary schools on the island, and to see what they offer. You know, to talk to the management, see what accommodations they make for special needs children. I think that really should be your start question. Hi, my name is this, and what do you have for as your accommodations? And then you can go down there and research and see the atmosphere of the environment, see if it's a good mesh. So, I mean, that thing is very valuable to do that. Because in the end, you want, like I said again, a productive relationship that is gonna be safe for that child, attainable for that child, and realistic, and measurable. Tell, let's talk about the safety aspect. Yes. I don't know about you as your kids were growing up, but one of the fears that I have for my brother, especially as he reached the age of legal majority, and as a man, with all of the reproductive gifts that come with being a man. No, I have this ongoing worry that sexual predation may become a problem. Because he can't say no, because he doesn't know the word no. And yet he has all of the physiological attributes needed to sire children, but to care for them as a father, he cannot. So it would be a real problem if he was in a situation where he had somehow fathered a child. How do you deal with those issues for yours? Because they're both legal adults now. Do they date, are they in relationship? Yes, they do, both of them do. I like the fact that my son has a girlfriend and they're in the same high school and same grade. And she is aware of his disability. She's very nice about it, what he don't understand and can't familiarize himself with certain information, she'll explain it to him. I've never seen her look at it as a hindrance of anything because he's a very sociable butterfly by nature. So a lot of people would not know that unless it was something that was on a piece of paper that was written and things like that or tasks that need to be done. She's aware that he's in a special needs class, but like I said, for her, that's not a factor. So I do worry about the fact, making good choices and making sensitive things that you do. And not just doing things that you believe makes sense. So that's the big difference. Regarding my daughter, I'm a little bit more, I would say more secluded with her. You gotta have open lines of communication with all your children. Some need it more than others. So with her, I communicate more with her on a level to let her know what's appropriate, what's not appropriate and words that she can understand and talk to her on a regular basis to let her know, this is what I feel about the situation. And just come more off as a caring friend more than a mother with everything. You can't be a mother with everything because they're gonna close down on you. So with that aspect, I believe just having good lines of communication. And like I said before, always setting a child up for the best success possible, putting them in areas where they can achieve and succeed, not allowing them to go places like your son. I mean, like your uncle, what did you say? Brother. Brother, I'm sorry. Like your brother not letting them go places that will be not in his best interest, I think is a good setting for you in that way. And things of that nature, you know. Are both of your older children at home with you? No, my daughter does not reside with me right now. Oh, where does she live? She lives in a group home right now. That's happening now. Because that was gonna be my next question. At what point do you as a parent say, okay, adults at this age, you should be living more independently on your own. So let me help you find a place. Did you do that or did she drive that? I think me because I think it was more challenging as time went on and she became an adult, I realized that she needed more care than I could provide. And I realized that I couldn't maintain a balance anymore with trying to help my other special needs son and my son that does not have special needs. And I think that's a challenge for any mother to be honest with you. When you know enough is enough, that was my question. So I didn't turn off the mother factor. I just had to realize that I can be a little bit more hands off due to the age and due to the fact of allowing other people to come in to supplement where I couldn't. So I can achieve more to better my situation for all my children. So she's not there long term, but it's just right now. I was told, you just gotta set her aside right now and do you. And I don't think anything's wrong with that if you still keep in communication with that child and still take care of that child to the best of your ability. So I think it's a very hard question. I ask myself that constantly, when is enough is enough? When do I start making myself a priority? Because I think as mothers, we put ourself on the back burner as soon as that child is birthed, every need, everything we do is for the welfare of that child. But you lose yourself in the process. And then I said, once you get 18, once I get her settled in residential care and I can make sure she was in a safe environment, a healthy environment where she can prosper and I don't have to be so hands on, then I was able to do that. But not until I felt safe to do that. Right. And your son is, both boys are still with you. Yes. How do you balance the needs of an older child with special needs with the needs of a younger teenager? Cause your other son is 14. How do you balance those needs? Cause kids with special needs often need more attention. Yes, they do. But yet at the young teenage years, that's the time where if a kid is gonna start going on an incorrect path, that's when they're gonna start. And worse for you, they're both boys. Well, for me, like I said before, I had to learn the balance. And what I also realized that there's nothing wrong with therapy, I was in therapy myself to understand, you know, my children and what their needs were. Because at one point I was like, I felt like a failure. You know, like what's going wrong? Why is this happening to me? I think all mothers have that. You know, and then my younger son, I put him in therapy because of the fact that he didn't understand exactly what was going on with the situation of the older children. So sometimes when it's coming from a parent to a child, they don't really hear you. But if you have another party that's talking to them and making them relatable to what's going on, I think that's perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you need additional services and I don't have no problem reaching out for them. It is for the betterment of my family in order to have a successful end. So that's what I did. Yeah, I know that in my family's experience growing up, I was, I'm the oldest and I'm 17 years older than the youngest who is, my brother was special needs. And I think the three of us, the three older kids who at the time were 17, 16 and 12. And then we had this baby. I think we were all looking at being the fun older brothers and sisters who drag the young kid along and take him to the movies and take him to the zoo and take him to the places. And it ended up we couldn't do those things. So there's a grieving process, even for the kids and even if they don't acknowledge it, I think it's like, oh man, I thought I was gonna be cool. I got that, you know, and that kind of thing. I didn't get, I got the actual comment. You spend more time or hurt than you are me, you know? And I had to take a step back and realize that was the truth. So that's why I had services come in along the way. I had therapeutic foster care for my daughter at points and times. I had therapeutic foster care assistant come in the house through the Department of Human Services and also through the state of Hawaii Health Services. So they came in as a counselor, as a therapist and they would take our places and stuff like that for therapeutic care, you know, and take her on outings and things like that. So that gave me the possibility of taking the boys out to other outings. Oh, that's great. I'm so glad you got the help you need because I know there's a lot of families out there that struggle. Our time is up. So we're going to adjourn for the moment. But, you know, my thanks to Talitha Manego and especially my thanks to all of those who work with families that have special need kits. You may not realize it, but you're doing a ministry folks and the families really appreciate it even if they're not in a position to tell you so. I'll see you in two weeks. I'm Cheryl Crozier Garcia and thank you for joining us on Working Together at Think Tech Hawaii. Bye-bye.