*Get 'Avada Kebabra' on iTunes, Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, Google, Soundcloud or wherever else you listen to music*
Sometimes, to tell a story, you need a little magic. In this case, I used every spell from the Harry Potter books.
(Except Levicorpus: I accidentally missed Levicorpus and used Mobilicorpus twice. I was devastated when I realised.)
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ALO - HOME OR Away I'm always gonna come back to vlog what I been up to
I just had A NAP - NEOver forty-five minutes that I was spent slumbering
My housemate Jo said he NOX'd on my door, but all he could hear from my room were SONORUS
STUPEFYd, I was out like a light, ACCIO'd over like I was IMMOBILICORPUS
And I had asked for SILENCIO-it doesn't matter, but he had finished baking a cake, see
If he wasn't so QUIETUS the tale of his baking would be enough to RENNERVATE me
This guy is a legend with food - tried his WADDIWASI man it was FLAGRATEst
Nothing TURGEO, DEFODIOdours, when he cooks all of London APARECIUMates it
So the CRUCIO thing for todAVIS my HOMENUM boy REVELIO'd a secret
PORTUS hand to my ear and OBSCURO'd his mouth so that I could PROTEGO and keep it
But he said it so softly I heard him all wrong, all his words were so MUFFLIATO
This thing was a big deal, if I acted rOPPUGNO our friendship would be tough to REPARO
DEN SAU GEO looking EXPECTO PATRONUM, said "EVAN, ES'CO, am I being too headstrong?"
Looked at Jo and said "mate, did I hear you say you're finally DIFFINDOpening a restaurant?"
Jo breathed out an EXPULSO, gave me a smile but I know he's a little CAPACIOUS
EXTREMIS the name of the game and I asked him if he thought he had what it takes
"You know that I've always loved my kebabs", said Jo, "and for years AVADA KEDAVRAcipe
"Couldn't cough up the cash cos I'm always in DEPRIMO, but you know Fern who I'm seeing?
"FERNUNCULUS an investor and he likes my kebabs, said he'd point me to permanent premises
With his support and my best kebab recipe, we might achieve kebab SECTUMSEMPRAmacy"
"yeah, not to GLISSEOver all that, but wasn't Fern's uncle INCARCEROUS?"
"They don't check PRIOR INCANTATO," said Jo, "nowadays he's just EXPELLIARMUS"
"That's not what AGUAMENT," I said, "Jo, this guy might be CAVE zINIMIKUM all through?"
"I am IMPERVIOUS to your IMPENDIMENTA", said Jo, "and you're being RIDDIKULUS too!"
So the time came for the launch of Jo's food, I wanted to PROTEGO it from HORRIBILIS
Jo had paid all his DURO's for LANGLOCK and ERECTO'd a tent set among the ORCHIDEOUS
After the mobiliarbus broke down I got there PIERTOTUM LOCOMOTOR MORTIS
Jo was so nervous he was downing EPISKEY and tonic, he looked like he might COLLAPORTUS
The stand was surrounded by people, I recognised lumost of the local celebs
There was Chris TARRANT, ALLEGRA Coleman and SALVIO HEXIA the infamous chef
Jo was PETRIFICUS TOTALUS - with Salvio there I knew the pressure would accumulate
If Salvio ENGORGIO'd the wrong piece of meat his INCENDIO would cause Jo's new stand to OBLIVIATE
"SPECIALIS REVELIO", said Jo, announcing his special dish to the crowd that RICTUSEMPRled,
"I've raised kebab quality FERULA roof, you'll ask for MORESMOREDRE once you've had a sample"
The people SPENSORTIAd their money and Jo's food was finally looking LEGILIMENS
I ordered mine to have extra GEMINIO, IMPERIOd at people enjoying the meat and bread
My food was next to be MOBILICORPUSed, I waited at the side of the tent standWIN GUARDIUM
"LEVIOSA!" came a splutter from next to me, turned to see Salvio cry as he started to / eat the first bite of the food he had planned to DELETRIUS into his LIBERACORPUS
Now he was starting to choke and we patted his back till the loose food went MOBILICORPUS
This one stray piece of kebab meat was lodged in his throat but now we watched as it was REPELLO'd
MUGGLETUM was still churning and I was still yearning for my meal but it didn't look like I was getting one
Salvio's review was online the next day, he called Jo's kebab meat the SCURGIFYed service
'Not even METEOLOJINX I RECANTO'd the meal', he had written for all to bear witness
Jo REDUCIO the price, REDUCTO the spice but he knew his food was FINITE INCANTATEM
I did my best to be there for my friend, trying to offer him PROTEGO TOTALUM
To try and distract him from dwelling on failing I said, "hey, so what you gonna do now Jo?"
Jo looked at me with despair in his eyes and said, "mate, I think I'm going out on RELASHIO"
Hey, some of this rap may CONFUNDO but you know I had fun though, I gave it a try
I'm gonna CONFRINGO
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