 All right. Good morning and welcome to this week's edition of Encompass Live. I am your host, Christa Porter, here at the Nebraska Library Commission. Encompass Live is the commission's weekly webinar series where we cover a variety of topics that may be of interest to libraries. We broadcast the show live every Wednesday morning at 10 a.m. Central Time. But if you're unable to join us on Wednesdays, that's fine. We do record the show as we are doing today right now. And it will be posted to our website for you to watch at your convenience. And I'll show you at the end of today's show where you can access all of our recordings. Both the live show and the recordings are free and open to anyone to watch. So please do share with your friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, anyone you think might be interested in any of the topics we have on the show. For those of you not from Nebraska, the Nebraska Library Commission is the state agency for libraries, similar to your state library. So we provide services to all types of libraries in the state. So you'll find shows on Encompass Live relevant to all types of libraries, public, academic, K-12, corrections, museums, archives, etc., etc. Really, your only criteria is it something to do with libraries. We do book reviews, interviews, mini-train sessions, demos of services, products, all sorts of things. Sometimes we have Nebraska Library Commission staff that come on and do presentations for us about services and programs and things we're doing here in Nebraska. But we also bring in guest speakers. And that's what we have with us today. Today we have with us Patrick. Good morning, Patrick. Good morning, everyone. And he's going to talk to us about something that many of us have experienced over our careers. It's not specific just to libraries, but it does seem to be to talk about a lot, imposter syndrome and overcoming that, ways to deal with that. So I hand it over to you, Patrick, to introduce yourself and tell us all about how we can do this. Awesome. Thank you. So we'll make sure, first of all, that we've got control of slides again. Oh, we're on the right one still. Yeah, I still see your first slide full screen. Yep, looks good. Perfect, perfect, perfect. That's the one we want. So yeah, welcome to overcoming imposter syndrome. And we're going to talk about doing that by leading and using radical acceptance. So just as a way of introduction, thank you, Krista. I am Patrick Bodily, I use he, him, his pronouns. I am the Library Director at the Independence Public Library over in Independence, Oregon, which if you, to get you to know where in Oregon, that is, we're just 10 miles west of Salem, about an hour and a half south of Portland, our inland from the coast. So we're kind of in that northwest ish area portion of the state. And you can find me on all the things if you want to not have anything come across your feed. I'm very bad at posting, but I am there for those sorts of things like that. I am also a proud accidental librarian. I did not go to school at the beginning thinking I was going to be a librarian. I like many young men growing up fell away from reading during my high school and middle school years. I just didn't like it. And yet here I am. And so I am one of those accidental librarians. I love libraries. I love my job. I love what I do. But it is not what I wanted to do. And I know that that rings true with many people who are on our call or attending this webinar today or will be viewing it in the future because that's a portion of us, right? Yes. And I should mention, and actually, I did not grow up thinking I wanted to be a librarian either. I don't know who it was. Yeah, I'd say it was accidental. I was in graduate school for English degree that you don't know what you're going to do with. And I worked on my summers at a OCLC network. I was working for a library support network. And that's where I first got the idea that you could even go to school to be a librarian. I didn't even know that was a thing. So I was in college. And then I said, hey, I do like reading. And some of the things these libraries seem to be doing is pretty cool. Let's see what that's all about. And here I am way more years later than I'd like to admit. Working for the state library is great. Or the commission, yeah. I just mentioned Patrick has been on our show before twice actually. And he did do a session on surviving and thriving as an accidental librarian. So you can see that in our archives. And then last year he did a session on strategic planning. So yeah, you guys keep either gluttons for punishment or I do an okay job. Keep bringing me back. So thank you. So in preparation for this presentation, the very first time I did it, if you are a member of the Association for Rural and Small Libraries or ARSL, I asked the listserv when I was very, very first trying to gather information and preparing the session. These two questions and I was overwhelmed by the number of responses that I got, but I was confirmed that librarians are my people. The two questions that I asked, what is the hardest part about being in a position of leadership? And then what tasks, duties that are the least favorite parts of your job? And the reason why I wanted to ask that is because obviously I wanted to see the answers. And so I put those answers together and just kind of combine them all. You know, 12% of people hated the decision making or the planning. 16 said they were lonely or they had lack of support. They were solo librarians. They were just trying to get things done on their own. And 37% of every response was that they hated having to deal with people with personnel issues, not people. That would be really hard for this public facing job. But the HR side of things or personnel issues, writing people up, doing discipline and all that stuff was the least favorite part. And that just resonated with me. I don't know if that resonates with anyone else here, but unfortunately or fortunately, I don't have 100% fixed today for any of these items. But I am going to pass along some tools that I have found that help me a lot. So that was kind of the background for this presentation was what people don't like, I guess. So again, the title of today's presentation is overcoming imposter syndrome, leading with radical acceptance. And so what we're going to do is we're going to break that all down, talk about imposter syndrome, talking about leading with gratitude, talking about embracing your life through radical acceptance, and then we will kind of put it all back together and do it that way. So that's what we've got on tab for today. So we're going to start with imposter syndrome. Is there anyone, I can't see chat, I don't believe, but that's not familiar with this term. Yeah, if you don't want to type into the questions section of your GoToWebinar interface anybody, you can do that with any comments, questions. I'm going to assume that this is something that people have at least heard of and we're going to talk a little bit more about it. But basically, really, really, really quickly, a story. This last year, I was brave and I leaned into my discomfort and I actually ran to be the president of ARSL. And at the same time, Jenny Garner, who's in Iowa, ran to be the president of ARSL. So we were the two that were running against each other. If you don't know Jenny, she is awesome and amazing and she won. And the whole purpose behind the story is that when I saw she was running, I thought, oh my goodness, there is absolutely no way that I am going to win this election because this is Jenny and she's been around for forever as part of the association. She knows everything back and forth. She's this awesome leader. And I sat down and I talked with her and she said the same thing. Oh my gosh, I'm going up against Patrick. There's no way I'm going to win. I don't have nearly the credentials that he has. So both of us had this same feeling of I am not worthy why am I in the same race? Why am I in the same thing that the other is in when the other person is so much more qualified? So keep in mind that all of us are leaders in this room. And so all of us who are leaders, whether it is because you are director at your library or because you run a story time or because you oversee volunteers, we all are going to feel like imposters at some point or another. I did preload this, hopefully it should be working. We got a quick video we're going to watch. Even after writing 11 books and winning several prestigious awards, Maya Angelou couldn't escape the nagging doubt that she hadn't really earned her accomplishments. Albert Einstein experienced something similar. He described himself as an involuntary swimmer whose work didn't deserve as much attention as he had perceived. Accomplishments at the level of Angelou's or Einstein's are rare, but their feeling of fraudulent is extremely common. Why can't so many of us shake the evidence that we haven't earned our accomplishments? Or that our ideas and skills aren't worthy of others' attention? Psychologist Pauline Rose Klantz was the first to study this unwarranted sense of insecurity. In her work as a therapist, she noticed many of her undergraduate patients shared a concern. Though they had high grades, they didn't believe they deserved their spots at the university. Some even believed their acceptance had been an admissions error. While Klantz knew these fears weren't founded, she could also remember feeling the exact same way in graduate school. She and her patients experienced something that goes by a number of means. Imposter phenomenon, imposter experience, and imposter syndrome. Together with colleague Suzanne Ives, Klantz first studied imposterism in female college students and faculty. Their work established pervasive feelings of fraudulent in this group. Since that first study, the same thing has been established for both gender, race, age, and a huge range of applications, though it may be more prevalent and disproportionately affected the experience of underrepresented or disadvantaged groups. To call it a syndrome is to downplay how universal it is. It's not a disease or an abnormality, and it isn't necessarily tied to depression, anxiety, or self-esteem. Where do these feelings of fraudulence come from? People who are highly skilled or accomplished tend to think others are just as skilled. This can spiral into feelings that they don't deserve athletes and opportunities for other people. And as Angela and Einstein experienced, there's often no threshold in accomplishment that puts these feelings to rest. Fields of imposterism aren't restricted to highly skilled individuals either. Everyone is susceptible to a phenomenon known as pluralistic ignorance, where we each doubt ourselves privately, but believe we're alone and picking at it because no one else voices their doubts. Since it's tough to really know how hard our peers work, how difficult they find certain tasks, or how much they doubt themselves, there's no easy way to dismiss feelings that were less capable than the people around us. Intense feelings of imposterism can prevent people from sharing their great idea or applying for jobs and programs where they excel. At least so far, the most surefire way to combat imposter syndrome is to talk about it. Many people suffering from imposter syndrome are afraid that if they ask about their performance, their fears will be confirmed, and even when they receive positive feedback, it often fails to ease feelings approaching. But on the other hand, hearing that an advisor or mentor has experienced feelings of imposterism can help relieve those feelings. The same goes for peers. Even simply finding out there's a term for these feelings can be an incredible question. Once you're aware of the phenomenon, you can combat your own imposter syndrome by collecting and revisiting positive feedback. One scientist who kept blaming herself with problems in her lab started to document the cause of every time something went wrong. Eventually, she realized most of the problems came from equipment failure and came to recognize her own competence. We may never be able to manage these feelings entirely, but we can have open conversations about academic or professional challenges. With increasing awareness of how common these experiences are, perhaps we can feel freer to be frank about our feelings and build confidence in some simple truths. You have talent, you are capable, and you belong. Everyone can use a little extra kick and talk. So that really is the key to me. We are not alone when it comes to feelings of imposter syndrome or pluralistic ignorance. And we do need to talk about it. I know that I am no Einstein, I know Maya Angelou, that's for sure, but it really, really resonated with me that that whole I'm not any more special than anyone else. So that's what imposter syndrome is, is the feeling that we're not, we don't belong or that we're just faking it until someone else is going to catch on. But it is something that we don't need to be ashamed of to admit that I am feeling like an imposter from time to time. It's 100% legitimate, and it is a real thing. And we are not alone as we go forward with that feeling. So that brings us, let's transition real quick to leadership. So everyone that is here in this webinar, I briefly mentioned before, but we are all leaders. Maybe you lead your library as a director or as a manager, maybe you are a department head, maybe you're in charge of running a program, or maybe you're in charge of leading a leading project. Maybe you lead in your community because you're the library lady, or maybe you lead in the PGA or in any other number of things. But we are all leaders, and we all lead from time to time. So I got a couple of recommended books to read. These are two of the most popular books regarding leadership. Has anyone read these? What did you think about them? Those kind of questions are all great, but we are not going to talk about these books today other than to say, when you get some free time, check them out from your library, interlibrary, loan them, purchase them, whatever. They are great. They're just not what we're going to talk about. We are going to talk about this book, however, Leading with Gratitude by Adrienne Gustic and Chester Elton. They are, they just put things in ways that really, really resonated with me as well. I could, I sunk my teeth in this book and took so, so much from it. At the very, very beginning of their book on page three, they say the expression of gratitude for employees' efforts with, when the acknowledgement is authentic, specific, and timely, can be a huge motivation and productivity booster, especially during tough times. Everyone, let's just think about our libraries right now. Think about now, especially. We are and have been going through tough times. I daresay for the last two years have been pretty challenging for everyone, right? We've gone through a pandemic, book challenges across the country or on the rise. We're also going through a mental health epidemic in response to that pandemic. So I hope that we all can remember that sometimes the greatest thing that you can give to someone is a well-deserved thank you. Now in their book, they talk about seven, they start by going through seven mistakes that leaders make that keep them from being their best and getting the best from people. So first they talk about fear. Nobody, I don't believe, believes that it's best to lead people through fear, but there are fear-based managers everywhere. And what they mean by fear-based and doing that is that it's everything from, that whole, there's a long list of people who'd love to have your jobs, can be leading through fear, or even whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right? We all know instinctively that fear can get stuff done. Think about all the stories of like parents lifting burning cars off of their children or a trapped family member. It's also true that there is going to be anxiety in the workplace, as well as people's natural fear, and it is natural that they're going to fail. However, we need to make sure as leaders that fear doesn't tie people up in knots. So that's all they mean by that being a myth. As far as praise goes, people wanting too much praise, praise isn't a bad thing, but inauthentic praise is. And when there's no time, they're talking about the gratitude isn't a time suck, it is a multiplier. Leaders are going to become closer to their people and pay attention to what their employers are contributing, which then turns into staff providing feedback or providing suggestions to their boss, because they feel more comfortable because they have that relationship. Don't add more hours to your day to give gratitude, though. One of my favorite quotes that I ever heard was by a man named Gary Keller. He said, you need to be doing fewer things for more effect instead of doing more things with just side effects. And then other people will say that they're just not wired to fill it. Keep in mind that genes are not our destiny. And there is power in making gratitude a habit. Gratitude is this mighty force. And no matter how wired we can we are, no matter how we're wired, we can make it be a part of who we are. They also talk about saving praise for those who deserve it being a myth. I don't want to say obsessed, but I really, really like that show Undercover Boss. For those of you that aren't familiar with the show, there's usually a high-up CEO coming. They put on a horrible disguise, and it doesn't look realistic 50% to 100% of the time. But they go and they try to work with the lower-ranking members of their employees, with custodians, with the guy that serves the popcorn at the arena, with whatever else they've got to do. And they always get a fill or get brought back to, oh my goodness, this is what actual work is really, really like. There's a lady named Candace Phillips, or excuse me, Phillips. She was a janitorial staff at an oncology ward. So when people were at their absolute lowest, when they were physically ill and emotionally embarrassed and afraid, and all the things that go along with cancer treatments, not only was she there, but she was there and in the shadows because she was a custodial staff. She wasn't the doctor, she wasn't one of the nurses, but she was there. And she felt 100% involved in cancer treatments because she was there still. In her words, she said, at their lowest and most vulnerable point, I help them maintain their dignity. I make it okay to feel awful to lose control. My role is crucial in the healing process, she says. And that is exactly what it is. Can keep giving praise because you never know who's going to be your next superstar. It might be that custodian who knows their role and knows how important they are in your organization. And it might be your children's librarian who's going to be the next emerging leader for ALA, right? Like we just need to keep being honest that way. They also talk about, it's all about the Benjamins. I am going to just gloss over, I am fairly certain that no one here got into the library field for money. If you did, I have a really bad news for you regarding that, but we don't, at least in our profession, really focus on monetary rewards. Paychecks are important. People should be able to live, but I don't believe that we're really in the library world because it's all about the Benjamins. And then that last myth is that they'll think I'm bogus. If you don't have a habit or don't have this in your repertoire of already going out and giving compliments and telling people showing your gratitude, that's okay. All you have to do is tell people what you are wanting to start and that you want to do a better job of showing your gratitude. The key isn't whether you've done it before. It's whether your intent is genuine and whether you stick with it, right? So if you will, if you come to your people and say, hey, I'm going to start trying this more often and you're sincere with it and you keep going, that will make all of the difference in the world. They then go on in their book to talk about the most powerful gratitude practices and they break it down into two different areas, seeing and expressing. So seeing involves the way that leaders can ensure those spot great work being done and expressing. Obviously it covers the best way the managers can show their things. So as far as seeing goes, solicit and act on input. Everyone, I'm assuming, has heard of Henry David Thoreau, but he said that the greatest compliment anyone gave me was when they asked for my opinion and then attended to my answer. That's not a new concept and we do always need to keep in mind that not all answers, not all ideas are viable, not every suggestion is something that we can actually do, but soliciting opinions and acting on them can absolutely raise morale. We need to assume positive intent people. The executive chairman for Best by Hubert Joy said, I may be one of the most naive people on the planet. I always assume the best, assumed people are trying their best. Sometimes I get disappointed but I'm okay with that because I think it's so much more healthy that way than assuming the worst in people. Keep in mind that poor performance is often set up by factors that are outside of our control. If people are afraid of getting disciplined or punitive action then they're more likely to cover up problems in people. So if we just assume that positive intent then we're on the right track as far as that goes. Walk in their shoes. Now you don't need to be undercover boss and wear a disguise to go out to the Cirque desk, but you do need to be aware of what the people you lead over are doing. If you're not at the desk, how can you know the issues that they deal with on the day-to-day basis? How do you know what the glitches in the Cirque software are or when people try to use the computers? So make sure that you know what's going on in your library not just because people are telling you, but because you can see it. And then look for small wins. Every step forward in your library's strategic plan is a win. And if you don't have a strategic plan, Kristen mentioned there was a great presentation on strategic planning say a year ago now, but some of the best ways that you can look for those small wins though is to ask team members or your staff to give shout outs to each other. Ask them to communicate their own wins and spot like those who speak up and offer ideas. Recognize new productivity hacks. You know someone streamlined this process, recognize that, and think those who find solutions to resolve potential conflicts. There was a in my in my pre-Oregon life, I worked for the Idaho Commission for Libraries, so their state organization, and they had a thing called alohas. It was we were spread out across the state. There were three different offices at the time. It's because Idaho's big and mountains get in the way and we wanted to be more local to libraries we were working with. But these alohas it was just a form that you would fill out say hey you know congratulations to this person for running this program successful or thank you support staff for making all these handouts for our ready to read program ready to go and all the work that you put into it or all these different things. And it was amazing how they would chain react or cause a chain reaction someone would post one which everyone got a notification about and they would go in and look and that would remind other people of oh and then this person did this for me and this person did this. So it wasn't just the one act of this congratulations or looking for the small win right there. It then snowballed into all the other things and everyone just felt so much better because we realized all the good that we were doing or the other people were doing to help us with our job. So yeah look for those small wins. I think a lot of that that really resonates with me what you're saying there especially about the assuming positive don't don't assume everyone's you know doing something bad and they had bad intent or that by default everyone is trying to scam the system and do something that's just a what can I do to just make my job just simple and easy or what can I do to you know sabotage something you know it's not how most people live their lives. Exactly. So please don't and just and also the littlest things you'd be surprised is a short one-line email from my my director saying hey good job on that thing or sometimes I even notice that you were paying attention to something. Hey I saw you did the whatever I think that'll really help our libraries and I'm like it really is those things I've got littlest boost for the rest of the day yeah. I've got I could point that out right now one two different thank you cards sitting on my desk right now that people have sent me for I you know I sat in a booth at the museum open house here and I presented a community group it was my job like it was but people recognize that and it means the world when you do little things like that or you get those things it really is true. Absolutely. So then they talk about expressing right give it now give it often and don't be afraid. The best way that I've ever heard this put gratitude is like bananas they do not keep forever so the closer to an achievement or to something that a leader expresses their appreciation the better. You don't need to stock pile your praise for performance reviews or for annual reviews whatever just don't be afraid to tell them thank you or show them that they were awesome when they were awesome because rewarded behavior gets repeated. So think of think of praise like bananas it doesn't keep for very long. Tailor it to the individual there's a story in this book about a man named Kent who was I believe his official title was that he was the director of learning and development for some company in the software industry. He was tasked and it was his job to he worked for months on a new employee orientation program. The first year estimated savings to the company was in excess of about $75,000 and so because he saved the company that much money he wasn't really surprised when at the next staff meeting one of the company leaders stood up and kind of thanked him publicly and presented him with a gift card first work it was like $25 to a local restaurant and he wouldn't have thought much about it you know it was his job he was grateful for the praise and it wouldn't have struck a chord with him until what happened next. That same leader stood up and said okay and we have another gift card who can tell us the names of the teams in this weekend's Super Bowl and they called on someone they named them and they got the exact same $25 gift card to the exact same restaurant for naming the teams in the Super Bowl. So keep in mind that you maybe want to scale your praise for things but also know your people because not everyone appreciates or enjoys the same reward. I've got one staff member here who if I walk in with a gift card to the coffee shop that's around the corner for 10 bucks for you know thank you for all this stuff I have made her month because it is the greatest present anyone could ever give her anything that has to do with coffee is her but I've got other staff that do not drink coffee and they would not know what to do with anything like that so tailor your praise or tailor your rewards tailor your expressions and showing thanks to the individual know your people. You also want to reinforce your core values our libraries do have core values giving gratitude in line with them will help to reinforce why those ideals are so important to us and then make it peer to peer if you can that way it's about everyone I talked about the Idaho Aloha's manager to employee thank you and peer to peer thank yous fulfill different needs right I love to hear from the city manager here in the city hey Patrick you did great with this but I love to hear other department heads say hey we also noticed you did great with it it's just it's a different need that way and so if we can get people to do that then then that's really what it is make it peer to peer and get your staff to buy into this so that's leadership and that brings us to really what is the meat of today's presentation as far as that goes and that is radical acceptance and and trying to learn more about this term and what exactly it means so again book recommendation I really have tried in the past two three years especially with the pandemic it seems how it was in line with when that all started to embrace radical acceptance and focus on it basically and we'll go more into it but one of the ways that this first I was first saw the effects in my life was you know if we moved from Idaho to Oregon in June 2020 and shortly after that I was doing the dishes one night I had headphones in because that's like listen to my audio books that way but apparently what happened was all of a sudden I looked down and in front of the dishwasher on the floor there is just pools of water and it had been running and so I pulled the door open the water sprays up out everywhere uh and I mop up the water really really quick I even with limited mechanical know-how on ability I grabbed the tools I there's a little plate on the bottom of the floor like the toe kick there move that try to look under there's no water underneath the dishwasher so it's all just out on the floor um and I realized okay that is it I have done what I can I do not know how to tear apart a dishwasher I don't know if this is anything I I mop up the water and I had the realization that okay if I have fixed it because I just accidentally spilled some water and I didn't hear it because I had headphones in then that's all that it was was I spilled some water and I couldn't hear it I you know I remember I knocked a dish and maybe add some water in it uh if it was you know I just didn't see it when the kids were unloading the dishwasher and they spilled water that's fine but if it is above me there is still nothing that I can do tonight um it is it is late at night I can't fix this on my own and so if it's something that someone else has to fix well then it's still nothing that I can worry about so those were my two options I either didn't have to worry about it because it wasn't a big deal and I already fixed it or I didn't have to worry about it because it was above anything I could take care of anyway and I'd have to call someone else but either way worrying about that dishwasher wasn't going to fix it now obviously radical acceptance is more than just fixing your dishwasher or not fixing your dishwasher uh but that was like the first time that I saw that manifest in my life was the understanding of that so again early on in the book by Tara Brock uh in radical acceptance she says clearly recognizing what is happening inside us and regarding what we see with an open kind and loving heart is radical acceptance now that's what radical acceptance is but it's important to know what radical acceptance isn't as well so radical acceptance isn't resignation uh it's not it doesn't mean that we define ourselves by our limitations it's not an excuse for withdrawal uh it's not an excuse for self-indulgence uh radical acceptance shouldn't make us passive and it doesn't mean that we're just accepting of what is right like radical acceptance in my dishwasher case didn't mean I couldn't learn how to fix dishwashers it just meant that in that moment I didn't have that knowledge and that's where I was so I just accept that now obviously you can change I could learn dishwasher stories I could go to an appliance repair course I could do any number of things but that is basically radical acceptance very very very quickly one of the first steps and keys to understanding radical acceptance is understanding the principles of what happened versus the story that we tell about what happened I am assuming that everyone here has been driving down the road or can picture yourself driving down the road and being cut off and whenever that happens there is what happened and there's the story that we tell ourselves about what happened now sometimes we're driving down the road and we get cut off and the person that cut off cut us off doesn't know how to drive and they just they're the worst person ever and oh my gosh they're so impatient um but in that if that exact same thing were happening and you were driving down the freeway and someone cuts you off because their wife in the front seat was going into labor and they were speeding to the hospital have a baby then we are much more forgiving about that situation which is interesting because the exact same thing happened someone cut us off we had to slam on the brakes and that's what happened we don't know anything else so we can tell this story to ourselves of that person is in a rush and that person is late for work or that person needs to go to a job room any way that you phrase it is going to have you view that person in a different light so we might as well assume positive intent assume the best in people and just realize what happened is different than the story we tell ourselves about what happened you don't know what other people are experiencing that's a general thing i think that what's going on and you don't know what's going on in someone else's life absolutely yeah and i'm much more forgiving if they're getting their wife to the hospital than if they slept in and they're just late to work so i try to assume that positive oh well you know they are you know someone's on the way to somewhere and it's it is what happened so i don't have we obviously don't have time to discuss everything that's covered in the book please please read it i want to focus on these four the transitive and worthiness the sacred pause unconditional friendliness and opening in the face of fear but other sections in the book include coming home to our body radical acceptance of desire awakening compassion for ourselves widening our circles of compassion recognizing our basic goodness awakening together and realizing our true nature so it is an amazing book but we obviously aren't going to talk about everything that's covered in that book but that first section is the trance of unworthiness and this goes hand in hand with the imposter syndrome that we talked about earlier right now this trance intensifies when we get in this trance of feeling unworthy about everything it intensifies when our lives feel painful and when we feel out of control because we are human and because we're human we do everything we can and whatever we can to avoid that pain of feeling unworthy each time our deficiencies are exposed whether it's to ourselves or to others we react one self-improvement project or one self-help book or one you know after another after another or sometimes we just hold back and play it safe right we try to keep busy so you know I can't feel the pain if I'm just keeping going and I'm doing this or we withdraw from the present moment we're focused in our own little bubble and hiding from the world or we focus on other people yeah I can't be so bad because look at what this person's doing that way imperfection however is not a personal problem it is a natural part of existing so congrats on being alive and being here and you're not perfect and if I'm the first person to tell you that I'll I'll take the brunt of that but we are not perfect and we are not supposed to be now the trance of unworthiness there was I I butcher names all the time but I really really butchered names of tigers and so if I'm saying Mohini wrong Mohini was the name of this white regal tiger who lived for many many years at the national zoo in Washington DC and for most of her life most of those years her home was in an old the old lion house which was your typical 12 by 12 cage with iron bars and a cement floor I grew up going to zoos with those I'm assuming other people have seen those or can at least figure them she spent her days in that 12 by 12 cage just pacing back and forth back and forth restlessly in those cramped cramped quarters now eventually biologists and staff worked together to create this natural habitat for her and it was awesome it covered several acres it had hills and trees and a pond and tons of different types of vegetation and so they were really really excited and with lots of anticipation they released her from that 12 by 12 cage into this new and expansive environment but unfortunately for her it was too late immediately Mohini saw refuge in a corner of the compound where she lived for the remainder of her life she paced in a corner until she wore an area that was about 12 by 12 bear the grass was gone from that 12 by 12 because that was she was entrenched in that in that cage mentality the way that we can get out of our cage begins with accepting absolutely everything about our lives right that doesn't mean that we're putting up with harmful behavior and it doesn't mean that we're putting up with our own harmful behavior or other people's harmful behavior but if we can remember to be a free tiger not that we are stuck in this cage except that you have been brought out into the open and there are two parts to this we have to see things clearly and hold the experience with compassion right see that we have been brought out of that cage and accept it and then love the fact that we're out of a cage now um and and just accept what is going on right there so that is a little bit more about the transub and worthiness which is again more of that imposter syndrome thing they also talk about or see Tara Brock also talks about the sacred pause um in the 1950s a few highly trained pilots in the US Air Force were set a life or death task um they were trying to fly up at altitudes higher than ever before attempted and so going beyond the earth's denser atmosphere they found much to their horror that the ordinary laws of aerodynamics that they've been flying with their entire lives they didn't exist up there so Tom Wolf described it in the book the right stuff he said that a plane could skin into a excuse me skid into a flat spin not like a like like a cereal bowl on a waxed countertop um and then start tumbling not spinning uh and diving but tumbling end over end um the first pilots that faced this challenge responded a way that everyone expects they would respond they would try frantically to stabilize their plane applying correction after correction left right up down um and the more furiously they manipulated the controls the wilder the ride became screaming helplessly to ground control what do I do next what do I do next they would plunge to their deaths now this trauma tragic drama occurred several times until one of the pilots Chuck Jaeger inadvertently struck upon the solution when his plane he flew up high and his plane started tumbling he was thrown around the cockpit violently uh and he was knocked unconscious so as he was knocked out he plummeted down towards earth and seven miles later as he fell seven miles closer to the ground the plane re-entered the earth's denser atmosphere where standard navigation strategies could work and that's when he came to and he steadied the craft and he landed safely he had accidentally discovered the only life-saving response that was possible in that situation don't do anything that's hard to control and that's very hard to do absolutely is as Tom Wolf said in in his book and the right stuff the solution was the only choice you had and it counters every piece of training and even basic survival stings but that's what worked and like you said it is hard to just let go and do nothing so what we do with how we come to that with radical acceptance is we practice pausing again and again at the very moment when we feel like we're gonna lash out and scream at someone we don't when we feel anxious instead of turning on the tv or making a phone call or mentally obsessing over something we just sit and we feel i am restless i am uncomfortable right now in that pause we let go of thinking and going and we become intimate with what's happening in our body in our heart and our mind pausing is that gateway to radical acceptance because then we get to take the time to focus on what is happening not the story we tell ourselves about what's happening the next step that they talk or that Tara talks about is unconditional friendliness um so there was a man named Jacob who was almost 70 um and he was in the mid stages of Alzheimer's disease um he had been a clinical psychologist and was a meditator that worked with Tara Brock he'd been meditating for more than 20 years and he was well aware that his faculties were deteriorating on occasion his mind would go totally blank and he'd have no access to words for several minutes she says and become completely disoriented he forgot what he was doing and he needed help getting clothes with basic tasks cutting his food getting dressed getting bathed going from place to place but towards that time and with his wise help Jacob attended a 10-day meditation retreat that Tara Brock was leading um and a couple days into the course Jacob had his first interview with her um the way that those uh meditation retreats apparently go is that students regularly meet with a teacher and have an opportunity to check in and have received that personal guidance for the things that they're going for while Tara was meeting with Jacob they talked about how things were going both on the retreat and at home and his attitude towards Alzheimer's was uh he was interested in it he was sad he was grateful and he was even good human about it um so she asked him you know what allowed him to be so accepting and he said it just doesn't feel like anything's wrong I feel sad and I feel afraid about it all going but it feels like real life this is really what's happening and he told her this story about how he had been earlier on in the in the stages of Alzheimer's he'd been given the opportunity to go to talks uh about Buddhism and meditation and other topics of that nature to a local groups and he accepted an invitation to go and address a gathering of over a hundred different meditation students and he arrived at the event he was feeling alert he was feeling great he was feeling eager uh he sat down he walks in and he sits at the front of the hall and he looked out at all the faces that were there in front of him and suddenly he didn't know who he was or where he was or what he was supposed to say or do all he knew that his heart was pure it was furiously pounding and that his mind was spinning in confusion so she asked him what he did and he said he put his palms together and he just started naming out loud to people the feelings what was happening he said I'm afraid I'm embarrassed confused I feel like I'm failing I feel like I'm powerless I'm shaking I have a sense of dying I'm sinking I'm lost for several more minutes he sat with his head slightly bowed and he continued to name his experience over time his body began to relax and his mind grew calmer and he also noted that I love you know I'm I'm feeling calmer I'm feeling more relaxed at last he lifted up his head and he looked slowly around and he apologized to everyone and as he looked around many of the students were in tears as one put it to him later no one has ever taught us like this your presence has been the deepest teaching because rather than pushing away his experience and deepening his agitation he had the courage in the train simply to name what he was aware of and most significantly to bow to his experience in some way he didn't create an enemy out of what was going on out of the feelings of fear and confusion he didn't make anything wrong it just is what was going on and that's really the key right there is that nothing is wrong whatever's happening is just real life right such unconditional friendliness is the spirit of radical acceptance so practice by saying yes be friends saying yes no doesn't mean that we're approving of angry thoughts you know I get angry when I get cut off and I don't accept that I want to go and do something with those people but or sinking into those feelings we're not saying yes to acting on our harmful impulses we're also not saying yes to external circumstances that can hurt us if someone is treating us but abusively certainly we can strongly say no and create valid boundaries and protect ourselves in the future however in that instance we still have to say yes to the experience of fear and anger and hurt that's rising size yes um is a practice of acceptance in which we will willingly allow our thoughts and our feelings to naturally arise and then pass away if you don't recognize that anger or recognize that fear then you can't actually deal with it right and and then you're dealing with or you feel that you're not supposed to feel those things right I I as we moved my kids were understandably sad they were leaving their friends the last time we moved we've left Idaho and moved to Oregon where they didn't have anyone and so we sat and we talked with them about that's okay you're supposed to feel sad that means that you have people you care about and if you tried to hide the fact that you were sad or hide the fact that you're upset well then you are still sad and still upset but you're also sad and upset at yourself for being sad and upset and so you have to just give time give give yourself space do that thing there's my name Ed Brown is a brilliant brilliant cook and no matter what he was trying to he tells the story of how he was trying to bake the perfect biscuit for biscuits and gravy for whatever but no matter what recipe he tried no matter how he tried to tweak his recipe they just weren't quote unquote right and so he tried hundreds of different versions of this recipe to make this perfect biscuit and then finally one day came a shifting into place as he calls it an awakening his biscuits weren't right compared to what and then came the enlightenment for for lack of words that he'd been trying to make canned biscuits he was doing all this from scratch but the right biscuits were the biscuits that he grew up with as a child which were the canned biscuits that his mom would then just pop the can and make them and then he had this moment of okay well that's what I think is right let me just taste these and he had this moment of tasting his biscuits without comparing them to some previously hidden standard uh his biscuits were weedy and they were flaky and they were buttery and they were delicious they weren't right or wrong they were just different um so that's what we need to do we need to stop comparing ourselves to some assumed standards of perfect some just your biscuits of today are fine enjoy your biscuits right like this is a very life that we're living now we can taste it we can explore it and we can honor it so when we put down ideas of what life should be life we don't need prefab biscuits our biscuits are okay and we're free enjoy your biscuits enjoy your biscuits there you go if you get nothing else from today enjoy your biscuits right and say yes to those biscuits because they're awesome so say yes to your life as it is that's that's the unconditional friendliness is enjoying your biscuits and then lastly opening your heart so fear is all around us fear that we might unknowingly offend someone fear that we might make a mistake at work or at home that we might make someone angry right like trying to keep fear at bay is really like trying to lock a pack of wild dogs down in the cellar the longer that they are trapped there the hungrier they're going to get eventually those hungry dogs are going to break down the door and invade the house we all every single one of us has neglected dogs in the cellar if we make a mistake the dogs can tear down any sense of competency that we might have right that's what that fear is is you know the last thing we want is for other people to know how much of our life is overrun by those dogs that come out of the cellar so while all the while all physical and emotional pain is unpleasant the pain of fear can feel unbearable when we're gripped by fear when we're gripped by those dogs nothing else exists so what we need to do is we meet fear with radical acceptance all fear is is the anticipation of future pain and the emotion of fear often works over time way harder than any other emotion that we've got remember the story we tell versus what actually happened our thoughts are not the truth we need to be reminded that we are part of something larger than our own fright itself our own fear can be really really great that's 100 true but greater still is the truth of our connectedness with one another so lean into the fear the other side of resisting fear is freedom so once you stop resisting that fear you're truly free right once we talk with our kids about they don't need to fight being sad or fight being angry they were free to be sad and free to look forward to this move right when we stop tensing about life we're open to the awareness that it is large right facing fear is a lifelong training and I'm not expecting anyone to have learned everything they need to about the about letting go of fear but it is something that we can practice throughout those lives we practice as we face our many daily fears anxiety about performing well insecurity about our certain about certain people worries about our children but finances about letting go about people that we love but it is something that we practice opening our heart to that fear and just letting it be a part of our lives because it is a part of our life and so with that let's put it all together what are you what are we walking away with today what's your so what right you you sat with us for an hour so what what do you get from all of this hopefully your key takeaways you remember the slide at the very very beginning where we talked with people's least favorite parts of their jobs you're not alone there's always someone to commiserate with those feelings of inadequacy are real sure but you're not the only ones going through them you're not the only one trying to be successful you're not the only one trying to bring the library to the forefront of your community you're not the only one going through what you're going through find your people you are not alone reach out to the Nebraska Library Commission reach out to me on one of those social media channels that I try not to ignore but probably will email whatever find your people and realize that you're not alone um you are in a webinar you are in a profession you are in a world where you are surrounded by others who not only are hoping for your success we're actively cheering for you to succeed next remember that thank you is everything remember as you work with people how far a sincere thank you will take you look for the good things that your people do and express it in a timely manner that they're not bananas they won't keep so give your thanks in that timely manner and finally recognize and and remember to see clearly what is happening and hold the truth close and with compassion that way we can accept things that we actually want to have happen that way um and with that I want to be respectful everyone's time but thank you thank you very much for joining us uh and I'm happy to answer any questions I'm going to stop sharing my screen right now though um oh no leave your screen up right there go go ahead and put that back up so people have that in case they want to see they get your contact info down um yeah if anybody has any questions any comments anything you want to share type in your question section um and I'll mention too before we do get off here before so people know um these slides will be available along with the recording afterwards so um all the book titles and everything that patrick had up there um don't worry about remembering what all those were getting all the information down you'll have all of these um um afterwards uh for your reference we didn't have any comments throughout the show that's fine we got all the people saying good presentation thanks so much um I'm gonna go back to my library and try and use some of these uh uh these things there um I think the the the thing you had the beginning and the end about feeling alone and loneliness is something that in our rural communities and you'd mentioned you know ARSL and one person libraries you are sometimes it there isn't other staff and it can feel lonely or what am I doing here all by myself how am I supposed to know what to do look for those groups yeah you know join ARSL or participate in some of their things they've got things that are available to non-members too um but look like locally here in Nebraska since the pandemic well pre-pandemic we had um we have um as you were talking patrick I think in I don't we have our regional library systems four different regional areas um a director in charge of them and it's kind of our boots on the ground people as I like to talk about it they're they do training in local and they because we're here in the white eastern part of the state and there's limited staff here they're out there and they can get to our libraries and visit them and do more things with them and they would have uh directors meetings um meetings together in um in person and since the pandemic started um many of them are doing this virtually on zoom or another and um and they're continuing to do that and as you know they talk about what are we going to do whenever this is over we'll go back to that so many librarians are saying I hope you keep the virtual so look for those virtual groups because I can pop into a virtual meeting for an hour and then get back to my library because I am the only person working there I can't take a half a day to go drive somewhere meet with you all for an hour and then drive back to my library but I can sit down for an hour do my thing and come back and it's perfect so look for those virtual groups anywhere I know it's happening all over the country um but we have them here in Nebraska and I think that's great and I love too that I can now pop into these meetings too I couldn't always drive to every single one of them that was going on around the state um either it it takes like six hours to get to the other side of the state in Nebraska but I can pop into their meeting and hear what's going on in the libraries and find out what they might need and I think we were doing even better with this back and forth and in supporting each other because of this it you know side effect of the pandemic um and I hope it continues but look for those groups see if there's something out there um find another library director nearby who maybe wants to start one of those can we and some other directors in our area put together have a whenever day of the week zoom meeting together just to just to vent I have one of those too that I that is a non-recorded thing that is just we're not recording we're not taking notes but come here and it's it's me and some other librarians across the country um say which is what you want it's a safe space and but it helped me do my job because I learned things from other people that I hope you did it that way great I know I can do now yeah find your people um networking is huge um and I know many people do it they talk about it at conferences in person but I think it's now being done online as well just as you just as it works just as well absolutely yeah all right so it doesn't look like anybody else has any questions or comments that came in while I was um spouting off here that's okay um so thank you so much Patrick this is really helpful and useful I think a lot of these things have definitely resonated with me and I'm going to try and do better it is hard that whole imposter thing like you said I had similar things I ran for I was asked to run for treasurer of our state library association years ago because um we need a second person on the ballot can't have an where we were required to have one on the cashier put my name down whatever but nobody'll it's I'll be your person and holding that spot that placeholder for yeah but then I ended up getting elected and I was like oh they do know me and uh okay you just never know what'll happen it's and it's a real feeling like you're not the only one that feels that way I'm not the only we all feel that way right yeah awesome all right so I am going to pull presenter control back to my screen whoops please do yeah I can do this here so we can wrap things up for today so thank you so much Patrick this is great as I said the recording will be available um the slides will be available there we go there there's his session page more thank yous coming in that's great um I'll go back over here to our incubus library main incubus live page here um our archives are here here's our upcoming shows as you can see here we've got May and June fully booked out here I'm even getting dates thing scheduled in July and August so I've got them on here I'll mention here you mentioned uh Jenny she's actually coming on the show in next month go to it it's gonna be awesome yeah Jenny Garner from Iowa uh we'll be talking about uh new um inclusion policies that they're doing at their library so definitely sign up to see the policies of yes it's a great session I've sat through it's awesome yeah that was one that she did at ARSL conference last year um our archives are here underneath all of our shows today's the most recent one goes at the top of the page so it will be there probably by the end of the day tomorrow I will have that up on the link to the recording on the youtube page a link to Patrick Slyze is going to send to me you haven't sent them yet right I can't remember I don't believe I have no I was tweaking them yesterday so yeah okay perfect yes so we'll have them update ones um and everyone who attended today and registered for today I'll send you an email letting you know when the recording is ready um I'll just show you here we do a search feature you can search our show archives for anything you want to watch um or um you can search just the most recent 12 months you just want something that had been done recently that is because this is our full show archives and I'm not going to scroll all the way down um because it's huge uh going back to when Jen and Compass Live first premiered in January 2009 um and as long as we have somewhere to hold all of these things we will always keep them out there available but just do pay attention to original broadcast date of anything um that some shows will stand test the time and still be good useful information but some things will become old outdated services and products may change drastically um there may be broken links out there um that we haven't had time to check up on but um as long as you have simply this is what some of the libraries do we keep things for historical purposes to keep archival things as long as we have somebody to host these we'll always have all of our shows available to you um and I did a search earlier I'll see I looked up that's looking there you go the two shows that Patrick has done for us previously so you can watch those if you want to and we have a Facebook page for Compass Live we've got links to that and it's also over here if you like to use Facebook definitely give us a like over there we post reminders about the shows here's a reminder to log in today's show promoting our speakers when our recordings are available um so if you'd like to keep up on if you do like to use Facebook do that we also use the hashtag and comp live a little abbreviation on Twitter and Instagram and wherever else our social media people are putting things nowadays um so you can keep up with us there um I hope we join us for next week's show is digital digital literacy training for seniors from the Nebraska's uh state union aging so this is something specifically for um Nebraska library patrons um check your state library see if they're maybe doing the same thing our Nebraska state union aging has partnered with um a program called get set up for training for adults age 60 and over um and they want to push this out and help libraries be able to promote this as something to your um patrons so um join us next week Cynthia will be coming to tell us all about that that is next week's show and um sign up for that one and any other upcoming shows that we have here uh keep it on a schedule I'll get more dates filled in for July and August and farther out so thank you everybody for being here with us today thank you so much Patrick good to see you again maybe we'll have you back in another year whatever uh your next topic is thank you Chris thank you all great all right everybody thanks so much and that wrap up for today um hope to see you next time and then come us live bye