 There's so much irony in the fact that I don't know how to film because I feel chubby. Hi guys, what's up? Welcome back to my channel. I'm live streaming at the moment. This is really weird because there's people watching me. So this is a video that has been in the works for the last two weeks. So today's video isn't just about this demon drink. This video is about eating disorders and why I've struggled and what's been going on the last two weeks and you know since the last part this series thing that's going on on my channel. It's also one of the most requested videos since then. So yeah. Also if you're new here hit subscribe button turn notifications on too because I have the community tab which is official creator bitch. This video is like part two in this little money series. I filmed a little clip yesterday. There's a few clips from the last few weeks. It's kind of what it is. I don't know how to explain it other than that. If you haven't seen part one I'd recommend going and watching that first. The link will be in the description down below and also on a card I think either in that corner or that corner. I can never remember which side it's gonna be. I think it's that one. Pretty sure it's that one. That one's probably not that one is it? If you're new here hit subscribe button. I've already said that. Book link in the bio down below. What's going on guys? For this episode of the eating disorder series I think that's what I'm calling. It's kind of like a recovery series. Let's be real here. I am recovering from eating disorder. I've got all my milkshakes over there. We're not drinking a milkshake today. What do you think McDonald's? Big issue I have with my eating disorder is I have a tendency to binge eat. With that I mean I've eaten two types of Pringles. I've already had McDonald's once that I have nine chicken nuggets, cheese bites, and now I'm eating another load of cheese bites and six chicken nuggets. That's within about five hours. So I'd hear my camera. And that would be real. I don't normally film eating ever. I asked for it to mention I have a very unhealthy addiction to caffeine. Got my McDonald's again. I also got a pack of 12 crisps that I'm very slowly working my way through. It's not good. They're not even like nice crisps but they're literally like fucking smart fries. Google haven't paid me yet so let me end. This video is about binge eating and you know I can't even think of it. At the moment I'm going for a bit of a I don't want to eat moment. I'm only eating because I feel like I'm going to collapse if I don't and I don't really like eating very much so it's only a tiny one. It's not as bad as it has been. I'm going to film a clip in a moment talking about eating the like what binge eating is and all of that. I'm going to stop filming. I don't like seeing myself a year. I'm really tired. I feel really dopey as well today. I'm filming this little clip to add into the end of this video. I know there's not a lot of like footage or whatever but whenever I binge eat I don't tend to really want to turn on that camera. I find it harder to film stuff like that than I do fucking anything else. Eating and food is the one thing that I've struggled with for years and it affects me. It's hard. Binge eating is something that I never use the dough. I've only actually started doing that for the last two years or so where I'll just buy like a foot and a snack exactly all of them. I can buy like a pack of 24 crisps and they'll be gone within that day. I'll just eat it all and it's so unhealthy. It's ridiculous and I get myself to a point where I'm like if I'm not eating and that's kind of where I'm at at the moment. Like now I've binge ate for a few days. I'm a bit like well I don't want to eat now so yeah that's where I'm at. I mean I'm going to be using the milkshakes again. So when I binge eat I don't have the milkshakes at the same time because I don't want to go give my body too much of stuff or whatever and they don't taste very nice either so I only have them if I'm having a day where I just physically can't eat and at the moment I feel very and it's not good. It's really not good. If you are interested in learning more about my story, my journey, hit the subscribe button so you know and make sure you turn on notifications on so you know if I want to upload a new video. There are currently some polls going on on the page on my community tab and you can vote on the videos you want to see. All videos will get made eventually and that and all of that. If you haven't already leave a comment down below how you're doing and if there's anything you want me to talk about or show you, just let me know. The next episode of this like series is going to be the milkshake milkshake update and that. Um binge eating with me actually it affects me quite a lot because I'll binge eat and then after it I'll immediately be like I fucking hate myself like I hate looking in the mirror. I hate the scales. I hate how I look. I don't like myself very much and when I binge eat I feel worse. It makes me feel even more troubled. At the start of this video you saw a clip of me doing my makeup for a video yesterday and I was like I feel chubby how do I make myself look not chubby? I don't know. Do I just feel like that? It's really, it's hard and making this series is very, this is probably one of the hardest series I've ever made on this channel mainly because it's a part of recovery that I'm not 100% committed to. Like I want to be well, I want to be healthy. I just don't want to am I actually dropping weight? Like a lot. It's just not healthy. It's not good and it's getting dangerous. Like it's starting to get like serious. I don't want that. I really don't want that and there was some comments on the last video like oh you're doing it for a day. I end up deleting them all. They're like oh you're doing this for attention. Why would you want to show this? Why do you show your face like you want to throw up? The milkshakes make me want to physically throw up. The taste of them is horrible. It's disgusting and I'm under no obligation to define to people why I share certain parts of my life. I'm choosing to document this because I know there are other people going through this and I want you to know recovery isn't picture perfect. It's not easy and that's why I do videos. That's why I paint mental health content. If you have any future video ideas you'd like me to make or anything you want to ask please leave it down below. Like I said make sure you're subscribed, hit the notification bell and you can take part in the polls that are going on in the community tab right now. We've got a few polls going on and you get to decide the future videos which is fun as I follow my social media because I post a lot. Like Twitter is my go-to. I want it all the time. I'll catch you guys tomorrow with a new video. Peace.