 Crime and Peter Chambers Created by Henry Kane transcribed and starring Dane Clark a private investigator duly licensed and duly sworn Peter Chambers You're a private eye That's your business Anything else? That's for laughs This one figures for laughs a lot of laughs Because you're making yourself comfortable on a bar stool and you're asking for what'll it be Mac? milk Milk you heard me pal. Yes, sir. Milk it is It's a great big beautiful bar the peacock room and down at the far end sits a blonde quite a blonde You like the beige suit and the scarlet blouse and the long beige gloves and the swell of the blonde hair on her shoulders You like the queer cut of her eyes up swept at the edges and the green from where you sit You like the curved red-wet lips and the clean line of the eyebrows, but best of all You like the glass of milk that's sitting there in front of her. What's with the milk today Mac? Search me You want to chase it? Maybe heavy cream homogenized. Do me a favor pal. Yeah, go be funny somewhere else Will you please? Sure Mac no offense You know how it is milk The bartender totals off and the blonde pushing off her bar stool totals forward toward you Sitting as she was with the bar hiding half of her you've been wondering about her legs Now you cease wondering No complaints That's me lady doing a workout in the latest bottle-fed formula on my request yes ma'am And if I'd known it was you was requesting it. I'd have really gone to town double milk. I Want to talk to you somewhere alone? No objections to that We're somewhere alone My place, how's that fine if you tell me where your place is Hotel Baldwin sweet 518 good enough We go now no no, I'll go first you come there about Five minutes. Oh real mystery like huh? Well, I suppose that's the kind of business. I'm in One slight unimportant bit of information yes What's your name? Abigail Abigail Christian Barry See you later then you fiddle with the milk Giving her five minutes Then you hustle out of there and make for the hotel Baldwin The elevator takes you up to five and you're at sweet 518 Mr. Peter chambers You're in a fancy sitting room Abigail Christenbury looks just the same Bay's suit scarlet blouse beige gloves only and these more intimate surroundings She looks twice as good. Will you have a drink mr. Peter chambers? I will miss Abigail Christenbury only if it's milk I pass no I think the milk routine is getting boring though. We had had its purpose Do you like scotch scotch? I love good scotch then for both of us She sets up the drinks neat whiskey in a shot glass and a tall glass of soda on the side One combination for you one combination for her Then you're sitting opposite her across a coffee table and you're both sipping your drinks and sort of Staring So just to shake it up. She drops a little bombshell. I've changed my mind. Mr. Chambers You've changed your mind about what about retaining you. Oh, there's no longer any need of your service Fired before you get hired Everything happens to the private eye here. You are served for your trouble $100 bill Well, that's most generous of you dear lady now then good afternoon mr. Peter chambers And a very good afternoon to you miss Abigail Christenbury So with a hundred dollar bill clutched in your little hot hand you'll go back to the office and attend to business You could have refused a scene note But the lady's got to pay some kind of a penalty for having a guy sit around drinking milk at a cocktail bar Anyway, you dismiss her as some kind of a gorgeous crackpot But she doesn't stay dismissed Because you're home that evening Experimenting with imported Swedish herring and well-buttered pump and nickel bread when Evening Pete. Ah, Louie Parker. May I come in? Detective Lieutenant Louie Parker New York City police homicide good cop good man and good friend Spending the evening in Peter. I was hoping to Louie, but in my business Drink lieutenant. No, thanks. I got gas Honk a herring maybe same gas Got a little heartburn too. How's about some bike car? Look, you know a dame by name Abigail Christenberry. Oh not half as well as I'd like to well You ain't gonna why not? She's dead Dead Abigail Christenberry dead and my boy. They've got you tagged for me. It's my case Pete And you'll notice I come alone Now if you've got an out brother, I'd be the happiest guy in the world Oh, what the heck the whining and out for I didn't kill her well Pete The maid comes to suite 518. It's about seven o'clock This Abigail is under the bed in the kimono with the back of her head belted in their face matched up But bad you would know it was a face. Oh, what's that got to do with me? First off we find your name and address in a pocketbook Well, that's evidence gives us a peg so we hang our hat on it Glasses on the coffee table have fingerprints. We've got your prints on file downtown We match them they match well is this evidence of murder has more fella more the medical examiner says she got it between Four and five this afternoon. We describe you to the elevator operator and sure enough you were there at about 4 30 Look, Louis. I can explain that explain this. Can you explain her diary diary for the past eight months? It's about a guy named Pete. That's all guy named Pete about how cutie was about how in love they were and then What a lousy is how he's strictly working her for money and finally that she's scared of him because he's threatened Now we call that evidence. What do you call it? evidence Circumstantial but evidence nonetheless Pete were you there at 4 30? Yes Well, give me your side of the story. Did you know the day? Yes, but green with me come on talk it up Listen this morning at the office. I get a phone call a dame. No name She tells me she's got a case for me to meet her at the peacock bar at four o'clock. All right, so you go to the peacock bar What do you do there? I? Drink milk milk. Oh Look, this is Louis Parker. You're talking a milk drinker your way Look it was a way. We'd identify ourselves. She'd be drinking milk. I'd be drinking milk Anyway, she talks to me She wants a five-minute head start and then I'm to meet her at her hotel sweet 518 and I get there Must be all while 4 30 we have a couple of drinks and then she bounces me. She says she changed your mind And that's your story That's it, and you better get your hat. We're going downtown. I'll have to book you look Louis Why do you have because we got affidavit speed from all the help in the hotel after Davis? Well, what do they say they say that Abigail Christenbury did not leave her apartment today all day not once It was crazy, but it could jam you if Louis takes you downtown the DA's machinery jolts into action With what they can prove the grand jury will squirt an indictment at you faster than you could fall off a ferry boat Suddenly you got it. What is it Pete? I hope it's good Louis look you found my fingerprints on a shot glass of whiskey and a tall glass of soda right an opposite that There was another shot glass of whiskey and another glass of soda and somebody been using them Right, but you found no fingerprints on that second set How do I know that? How do you know because the story I told you is true the dame was wearing a suit and gloves and she didn't take the gloves off If the dame hadn't been out all day like they told me and she's found the kimono with a face bashed in why should she be wearing gloves That's the only logical explanation for her lack of fingerprints. Isn't it? That's very good Pete I'm glad I came alone. I'm glad I had confidence in you All right now what now we go down to the peacock bar so I can straighten you out on some of the truth peacock bar it is You slip on your holster and you clip your gun into it and then you're riding cross-town and park is carved On the way you ask questions and park it supplies the answers Abigail Christenberry Very rich widow worth millions no family at all except one guy a brother named Timothy York Timothy York Yeah And he inherits the millions is that it he inherits all right, but he's clear Pete He works for an ice cream company, but he worked all day even had his lunch sent in There's an office staff 30 people can back it up. What kind of a guy? Why is a mousy little type pretty old till maybe 65 or rather young wife no children But we've already cut him out as a suspect. He just couldn't have done it physically impossible 30 full-grown Is your peacock bar? Yes, the gentleman. What'll it be scotch on to hello? Well the milk drinker. How you Mag? My friend Drinks milk good way to cursing yourself for a bend to drink milk in the afternoon Go on tell him about the other milk drinker Yeah, the dame the Bay's suits carlif plows beige gloves Oh We get a millionaire. Oh, no, this was a special one beautiful blonde. She was sitting up there at the bar She came and talked to me. She was drinking milk. I'm behind this bar from 10 to 10 12 hours You go out of your mind if you start picking out dames It's like a rancher with a hundred head of cattle. You can't pick out every guy. It's important Well, I'm trying Mac. I believe me, but it ain't no use. It's I'm sorry Okay, let's get out of here So you're back in Parker's car trying to swallow that helpless hopeless feeling Where to now kiddo? Figure I ought to visit Timothy York. He's been visited. Well, let me try sure kid It's your party and you stay downstairs. I said it's your party people It's a nice enough house apartment 9g and you stick your finger in the buzzard Little guy opens the door Little old guy that looks like he's falling apart skinny as a pencil. Yes, what can I do for you, sir? Timothy York the same chambers police But the police have already been here several times and once more can't hurt True enough. Come in sir. Please come in Hey, nice place you have here. Thank you How about your sister Abigail Christenberry? No one you have a friend? No, we were never very chummy Abigail and I No, dear a Woman comes into the room She's blonde and she's beautiful She's got a clean line of eyebrow and red wet lips and green eyes up swept at the edges Your hair begins to crinkle and you can feel the sweat break out on your body because according to Parker You're looking at a corpse The lady who comes into the room is Abigail Christenberry Sir, are you the taxi man? No, the milkman Timothy, what's he talking about? He's from the police police again Timothy, will you please close my suitcases in the bedroom? They're stuff so full. I can't do a thing with certainly dear And now that we're alone Mrs. York Remember me Peter chambers Peter chambers Never heard of you Ever hear of Abigail Christenberry? Of course Abigail Christenberry is my husband's sister and she's dead How would you know this from the police? They've been here several times see Now what's with this stuff about suitcases? I'm leaving for Florida. It's been planned for a long time I'm leaving tonight right now as a matter of fact the cops know about that of course and they've absolutely no objection I've been completely cooperative with them and they have no need of me They have the address where I'm going if by chance I am needed Your husband going? No, he's not he's saving his vacation for much later on then we intend to go to Switzerland to the Alps Now is there anything else? That's all tell your husband goodbye for me Back in the police car you bestow a kiss on the damp and untranquil fard of Detective Lieutenant Parker Hey, what's that fool for having confidence in me and for having patience and for playing ball? Okay, ball player. Who's up now you? How do you make that peep? Mrs. Timothy York is coming out any minute She's on her way to Florida. I know only she's not going who's stopping you are now what look look look Well when she comes out you pick her up and bring it to one of the precinct station houses prefer the question You're anything else you want to dream up, but just see to it. She's detained. You sure you know what you're doing I'm positive just play along with me a little longer and we're liable to knock one right out of the ballpark Mrs. Timothy York comes out and Parker does the old pickup suitcase and all She gets hustled down to the nearest station house gets racked up for further questioning and then you and Parker are rolling again Okay, fellow what now what time is it Louie? It's almost 10 Peacock bar again the Peacock bar Louie Oh look who we keep hitting that joint both of us alive will wind up low. We're not going in this time No, what are we gonna do sit and stare through the window and watch the others drink We're gonna wait for that bartender. He says he quits at 10 o'clock and then and then he and I are going for a ride Or a walk or something, but wherever we go I expect you to be close by and if we go in somewhere I expect you to be sitting around in your nice little police car just in case an emergency pops He stops the car near the Peacock bar you shipped your 38 from the holster to your side pocket You get out of the car and you wear out the sidewalk in front of the fancy tavern until high shoulders come strolling out Okay, dimples, huh? What are you what the lump in my pocket is a gun and I'll use it if you make me Sure sure you understand about guns. Yeah, I understand fine Now where you heading home? How do we go? You heard me We walk nearby You walk to a nice looking apartment house and up one flight he unlocks the door and you don't wait Just as soon as he clicks the light on you smash the flat of the gun against the side of his face He's given a lot of feeling It opens the hunk of his face But he's a big guy is strong and he comes back swinging maybe he's good Maybe he's lucky, but he catches you one on the chin that lands you up against the opposite wall But you're still holding the gun And then you hear the click of the switchblade and you see him throw it and you roll over and their knife Makes a gong of the wall You reach for it and you sit there like a cock-eyed arsenal a gun in your right hand and a knife in your left And you see him come at you and there's no other way you aim at low Catches him in a thigh and knocks him over The rest is easy Okay, pal It's talking time Anyway, what's your name Ryan first name? What's it to you look Ryan? It's murder we're fiddling around with and when you fiddle with murder you play it rough like this Now let's do it nice, huh? What's your first name Peter? Just like mine. I don't know what your name is. That's a lie now. Let's play the name game some more Let's try Mrs. Timothy York. I never heard of that's not what she says What just in case you think she's on her way to Florida give another thing but She's in the pokey pal talking her brains out Well, why do you think I've come after you? She sent me She didn't she says it was all your idea that she says that you're number one She's using a method if you are number one you get the chair and she gets off light Now whose idea was it? hers hers the dirty He spills a story like he's leaking words Then you go down for Parker and you bring him upstairs And you also bring him up to date on current events Meet mr. Ryan lieutenant Peter Ryan, that's the Peter that was mentioned in Abigail's diary with the Barton. Yeah dimples over here Our rich widow Abigail Christenberry sort of got stuck on him But then he got tired of her especially after he met her sister-in-law. Mrs. Timothy York who murdered Christender Mrs. Timothy York, but she figured out a real cutie like how well they knew about Abigail's diary where she mentions Pete So they look at the classified directory on the private detective Which is often confused for fall guy and the first Peter they come to is me Peter chambers and they elect you the patsy correct First Mrs. Timothy York kills Abigail mashes her face in so I won't know the difference Then she meets me at the peacock on that milk deal, then I'm to follow her right into the trap She uses the stairs coming and going so no one sees her but me I use the elevator Everybody sees me which puts you at the scene of the crime which leaves your fingerprints all over the place And which confuses you with the peed in the in Abigail's diary and the dead Abigail is in the bedroom dead For at least a half hour with her face all smashed up and after you get bounced out Mrs. Timothy York blows the joint using the stairs again and nobody can connect her with the crime And you think Mrs. Timothy York is really Abigail and you can't tell the difference because the real Abigail is now Minus a face sure and with Mrs. Timothy York in Florida. I'd be in it up to my neck Yeah, but if these two knock off Abigail, what do they get out of it? Mr. York inherits Mrs. York planned a trip to Switzerland with Mr. York Mr. York would never have come back from there. He'd have tripped on an Alp or something Then she'd get all the loot and she'd hook up with dimples here, and they'd both live happily ever after So your namesake gets booked downtown and Mrs. York gets booked downtown and they both accuse each other Which gives the cops a double confession and Then you and Louis Parker are sort of celebrating on the late shift at the peacock bar and Parker is saying Oh, Pete. Oh boy. How did it come to you? Oh, you're a good friend. That's how it came to me You gave me a chance to run around a little bit I saw a Mrs. York, which I couldn't have if she'd beat up a Florida and the minute I see her I realize I'm in the middle of a frame job Mrs. Timothy York who told me she was Abigail Kristen Berry and you tie that up with a bartender that forgets one of two milk customers in the same afternoon He remembered me. How could he forget her? So the moral of the story is don't lose patience and don't lose confidence in a friend even if you're a cop It's got another moral attendant and that is don't drink milk at a whiskey bar not unless you've got an ulcer There you've had crime and Peter chambers Dane Clark was starred as Peter Chambers crime and Peter Chambers transcribed was created and written by Henry King Others in the cast were Bill Zuckert heard as the tenant Parker Elaine Ross as Mrs. York and Joe DeSantis as the bartender It was directed by Fred way This is Fred Collins inviting you to tune in next week same time same station for Dane Clark in crime and Peter Chambers Has come to you through the worldwide facilities of the United States Armed Forces radio and television service