 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic What when a man deeply loves you? He says these five things. He'll say these five things I'll actually say more than five things, but these are five things men say when they deeply love you All right really quickly if you're brand new to my youtube channel Please hit that subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly my coaching is what I call heart Centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart Occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence and if an f-bomb or two aren't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I say suggest? This is the truth you have to decide the truth for yourself However, this content resonates with you My hope is it awakens you to a deep level of consciousness consciousness when it comes to dating mating or relating All right, so let's talk about men who are in love and what they do and what they say when they're in love And before we talk about this really quickly. I want to differentiate between Emotionally healthy men who are in love versus those emotionally unhealthy men who are love in fact I suspect that the vast majority of men and women alike are Believe that they're in love with somebody or believe that they're in love with somebody Mainly because they've experienced what's known as love attachment or they've experienced the amago Let me repeat that love attachment or amago and if you're not familiar with the books attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is also as well as getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt By the way, there's a link below to Jonathan recommends books all the books I recommend is listed in my description under Jonathan recommends books now Why I'm talking about these two books first love attachment This happens in our childhood where we get attached or bond to our parents or our Serigent parents and there's basically three main love attachment styles. There's anxious avoidant and secure anxious avoidant and secure Now typically we see that most women tend to be anxious or needy not all but most women and Men tend to be more avoidant. They're a little more dismissive of Love in relationship and these are the two primary love attachment styles In fact, I truly believe that most singles today who are actively looking for love who are in their 30s 40s 50s and 60s and beyond are Probably either anxious or avoidant and while they say 50% are secure. I don't buy that Okay, so why is this important to know because we oftentimes Believe we're in love with somebody when we're actually merely attached to another person Because deeper love healthier love Looks something like this at least from my perspective. It looks like this when I say the words I love you to someone my hope is when I'm saying this to someone it means I'm here You matter. We are important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you from a healthy place I'm here means I'm present you matter meaning that you're equal to me You matter as much as I mattered to me We are important that means that the relationship is a separate entity and we are both important I've got your back. That means when you're in trouble. I'm gonna be there I only want where wait. I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you I'm not going anywhere means I'm committed to the relationship and I only want you means that I passionately want to jump your bones on a regular basis from a passionate healthy place That's what I love you means to me So you for most people they're either experiencing that love attachment style or the Amago is Where we try to heal our childhood wounds with our parents by choosing people that are either similar to our parents or Something completely opposite from our parents so we can heal our parental wound and not Necessarily meaning that we actually love this person from a healthy place from a healthy place And what I believe is the vast majority of people who are out there in the dating mating and relating realm Who say the words? I love you are most likely either experiencing love attachment or amago And I and I invite you to read about both of those in fact you can Google them You can watch a couple videos online about the amago By Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt or love attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Okay, so that's where I see the majority now Let's talk about the minority and what I mean is those men who are actually deeply in love from a healthy place These are people healthy emotionally healthy people look like this their actions match their words They have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness meaning they take personal responsibility for their choices They know how to what I call fight fair and what that means is when they're in conflict with someone It's not about being right. It's about being happy and finding that's place of happiness Also, they have a level of empathy and empathy isn't just I care I can feel your feelings Empathy is also I care about your feelings and more importantly I care about my own feelings because I operate from a place of self-love and if you're not familiar with my book What the heck is self-love anyway? There's a link below I highly recommend checking this out because a lot of people don't they might say that they are Empathetic and yet they abandon their own feelings and that's not true empathy empathy is also caring about your own feelings and lastly transparency Transparency means if it's material to the relationship you speak up to your partner In fact going back to my book chapter one is speak your truth do it with kindness chapter two is stop fucking complaining because I see a lot of people complain about Relationships when they're not speaking up when there's something material to the relationship So many of you ladies who think you're emotionally mature. You're not either if you're not speaking up in relationship So you're probably wondering well Jonathan. What are these five things we say to guys? Well, I'm gonna talk about the emotionally healthy guys what they do and say when they're deeply in love with someone So now let's just for the moment Let's agree that love doesn't happen on the first second or third date Love doesn't happen at first sight. We can experience lust or limerence at first sight limerence L-I-M-E-R-E-N-C-E. I think if I spelled it right, which means extreme infatuation True love happens over time So what I'm about to share is something where two people have invested a fair amount of time with each other in an Emotionally healthy way and it really quickly before I get to that I just want to share one more piece is I want everyone to remember my Relationship iceberg my relationship iceberg and what this is is that the above the water line is attraction where that's where chemistry is and Below the water line is compatibility. That's where shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity lies Okay, so you have to oh and by the way the water line of attraction begins to drop as you check off the boxes of these Three additional things shared values emotional maturity and blendable lifestyles. Okay, so Now let's go into what are the five things men say well I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses so bear with me because I have my notes bump bump bump You might have you pause it long enough you can see so number one when a man's in love He starts using we language we language now He might say, you know, we should take a trip or we need to do we need to go to this party Or we need to do this or we need to that men who are deeply in love start using we language instead of I Language now some of you might be thinking well Jonathan I've gone on dates with man on on the first date. He might say, you know, we should take a trip. Okay When a man is experiencing lust or limerence, he might also use we language But I'm really talking about those more seasoned Relationships, what are the things that men say once you've gotten past the first ten dates Once you've gotten past the first hundred hours of seeing each other once you've gotten past having regular beginning your Sexual relationship By the way, men don't fully commit until they have sex. So just know this it's at the time We have sex is really our point where we go. Okay. Is this the relationship? I want to explore or do I move on to someone else? This is why keep in mind men that come on strong only for sex leave shortly after sex But those ones who are deeply or are seeking a committed Relationship will go beyond the first second third time you have sex And this is when you'll start seeing or hearing this kind of language of we of we we should take a trip We should do stuff together. So that's a great sign when a man is using we language number two He knows when something is bugging you He knows when something is off and he'll check in with you He'll check in with you and it might be you know, are you okay might be something he might say He's gonna check in with you. Are you okay and then he'll drill down and he'll say something like this Tell me more about that. Tell me more about that. Tell me more about that When a man deeply loves you and cares for you He's going to drill down when you're not feeling good when you're upset when you're not maybe even in the Relationship he's going to inquire first. He's going to notice Something is off. He'll notice something is off and then he'll lean into the conversation those emotionally unhealthy men That's the time when something is off with you. That's when they pull away. That's when they run away That's when they pull back because they're not in a capacity to take in support your feelings and So this is one of the reasons why men pull away. It's not a reflection of you It's a reflection of their own inability to actually lean into deeper intimacy or deeper love Because let's face it and I said this earlier in my video this morning My short called men men in love don't fear your feelings Here's the thing a whole point of unless you're if you're in a co-dependency Relationship meaning you are dependent upon a man for something Well, then there's a good chance That if he's not emotionally healthy, but an emotionally healthy man wants to lean into your feelings because they actually want to experience a greater level of intimacy of Intimacy of into me you see and isn't that really the point of wanting to be in relationship? I mean look it for some people I get it They need financial support and that's why they're in a relationship, but we no longer live in that type of situation I mean certainly women are have the capacity to take care of themselves So unless you're coming from a co-dependent place Don't you want deeper intimacy in a relationship? And that's what I'm leaning into today So a man will check in with your feelings because he's he's capable of going into deeper intimacy with you Okay, number three He pays attention to your needs and he says something like this He says I'll get that for you So let me give you an example I was in a relationship some years back with a woman who had a two big dogs. She had two big golden retrievers I think one was 90 pounds and the other was 85 pounds or maybe one was 100 pounds And the dog food came in 50 pound bags And I witnessed her buy dog food a few times and we're already in a relationship now And she struggled carrying it in and of course I helped her Well, it finally got to the point because I cared for her because I loved her I said hey, can I go to the store and get that for you? When a man deeply loves you and sees you're in need He'll go do things for you like buying the dog food That's a 50 pound bag or maybe it was a 25 pound bag But I this work could have been 50 or 100 pounds and I went and did that for her That's a man who's demonstrating true love and he'll say I'll get that for you As an example of things that men will say when you need something and they actually Get go ahead. You don't even have to ask Men who are deeply in love Recognize when you need something and they lean and they say I'll do that for you I'll get that for you. They lean and I'll take care of that for you. Okay number four They start doing the things you do they start doing the things you do and let me give you another example this same Relationship I was with you know with this woman. She would always yelp Restaurants before we went out to a restaurant. She wanted to read the reviews And it finally got to put first this bug the fuck out of me I'll be candid with you because she'd always read the one-star reviews But I realized why she did that in fact I recently bought something on Amazon and I it was a I should have read the one-star reviews because this darn Earbud this isn't the one this is one like it the darn ear buds had such terrible reviews. Anyway When I was with her this was something she would do So then it got to the point even before I picked a restaurant for saying hey We're going out to dinner to such-and-such place. I would yell bit ahead of time I would yelp it to see the reviews and that's something a man does It's not something he says, but that's something a man And that's an example of what a man will do He'll start doing the things that you already do so whether it's yelping. I'm trying to think of some examples Whether maybe it's yoga. Maybe it's hiking some of the things you like to do They're gonna start leaning into and say hey, let's go hiking together They're gonna lean into the things you like to do or the things you need to do in this particular case That was a need for her and it became her need became my need and that's a great example of demonstrating deep love And then finally number five he invites you He invites you into his life He invites you into his life with his family. He invites you into his life with his friends He invites you into his life at work and he's proud of you in other words when a man deeply loves you When a man deeply loves you, he's gonna start leaning inviting you into his life Hey, would you like to come to my company Christmas party? Would you like to come to my family event? Hey, my friends are throwing a party. Would you like to come? This is when a man starts demonstrating deep care deep love when he starts doing these things now Are these absolutes meaning are these going to be you know a Guarantee that your relationship is going to be successful by no stretch of the mean by no by no means is this a guarantee However, here's the one thing I've observed women come to me come I mean Regularly complaining about their relationships and as I ask deeper questions I find out that they're really not in alignment with each other and more so they don't Communicate healthy with one another truly healthy Relationships have to come from healthy people and emotionally unhealthy people or emotionally stunted people Struggle being in relationship From a healthy way and everything I'm talking about is my hope is is to invite you to be in more of healthy Relationships, this is one of the reasons why ladies, you know my language You know what I'm about to say next before the penis goes inside the vagina You better be reading the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman and the reason why you want to read this book and buy two copies is because Before you get truly investing another human being before you become Attached to the wrong person or before you choose someone like your mother or father You better find out if you're on the same page And I will tell you nine out of ten people that you date are most likely not on the same page as you This is why in my private coaching I teach you how to ask the better questions to vet for Compatibility and emotional maturity and if you need help with that check out a link to a free discovery Call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you All right, just to recap those five things and we're gonna take questions now once again. He starts using we language He knows when something's bugging you he knows it and he checks in with you and says tell me more about that He pays attention to your needs in life like like the dog food story And he says I'll get that for you and he starts doing the things that are important to you and Lastly he invites you into his life his family his friends his work and that's how you know You're moving in the right direction And if you have any stumbling blocks here, you may want to check in with me to see if I can help you in your Relationship or help you determine to get out of your relationship All right Well, that's the content portion of our live stream today now. We're gonna get into the Q&A So if you know my format, it's real simple if you have a question post the word quest write the word question Then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker or super chat Now here's the thing all the monies that and by the way, there's a little link there for super sticker super chat All the monies from a super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son Connor Asley, that's a picture of him right there those who know me know my son passed away three years ago and In his honor, I've started the scholarship fund to help the defray the cost of personal development In fact in this week alone, I have given out over $1,700 worth of scholarships actually a thousand dollars went to the Hoffman process the Hoffman process late just donated that this morning from all the super stickers and also I gave someone a 20% discount on my coaching because they qualified for it So that's where the scholarship money comes from from the super stickers to super chat So I really would appreciate you supporting the Connor Asley scholarship fund All right, let's jump into the questions and we're gonna start with Melissa who purchased a super sticker and she says Dating someone new and we're both reading eight dates. Thank you for your helpful videos. Oh, well, thank you so much folks Here's a perfect example. I want to share with you. This is a perfect to thank you Melissa This is a perfect example. I've had so many women reach out to me saying thank you Jonathan for suggesting this book with the man I'm dating folks if a man a lot of you say well a man will discount that you know, he won't You know, he won't do this with me He won't go to therapy with me won't do any personal development with me Well, listen, if your relationship needs support and he's not willing to invest in the relationship Do you even want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't willing to co-create a relationship together? This is why when I teach in my private coaching, it's all about how to be an adult in relationships and we Here in the United States we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness and dependency consciousness instead of true Partnership in relationship and this is why I scream at the top of my lungs just like a child about to touch fire I'm yelling constantly to encourage people to start making shifts in their life and this just happens to be my style So I hope you can appreciate it and most under but and I want you to understand It's to stop fucking around when you reach midlife and by the way my audience is midlife Which is after baby making years and before retirement. We don't have time to fuck around with this shit anymore You got a shit or get off the pot And if you're not willing to invest but if you're not willing to ask a man to read this book with you Then how really ready are you for a relationship? So that's my invitation and coming back to Melissa's point. Thank you so much for sharing that for the audience because ladies Get busy living or get busy dying Stop being afraid to speak up to men as as you might remember in my book What the heck is self-love anyway chapter 9 if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy So start leaning into Expressing yourself to men stop being afraid Okay Okay, thank you so much Melissa. I really appreciate that. All right, Chrissy writes question If my guy is doing most if not all of the five things you described but can't say I love you What is that? Okay, that's a great question So most likely if you're not familiar with the book Chrissy if you're not familiar with the book the five love languages the five Love languages the five love languages are words of affirmation or for us Leo's it's word of adoration We I love to be I love to be complimented. What can I say? Words physical touch quality time Access service and gifts and most likely your guy Chrissy is an access service guy for some men It's very difficult for them to say the words. I love you However, I think it's important to discuss this Well, if you're in a seasoned relationship if your relationship is six months to one year to two years old You certainly that's the time by the way if you reach the six month mark and you're not actually Actively exploring a long-term relationship with each other Then maybe it's time to assess whether or not you are intentional about exploring the long term with each other And I invite you to invite him to be it more expressive now It starts by leading by example. This is why I can't stand the book the rules the book the rules or The feminine energy coaching which is all about Leaning back in your feminine energy and letting the man come to you ladies Leaning back Listen, I'm all for empowered energy. Let me just say this I am all for men and women being empowered, but it's not masculine and feminine empowerment. It's individual empowerment I am all about loving yourself and being empowered the reason why I beg on leaning back Because what happens is most men actually need you to lean into your feelings become more expressive of your feelings and invite him to share his feelings for him to reach the next level of intimacy and Only emotionally unhealthy men run away run away run away and the men who are emotionally healthy will start to lean in So this is why I'm not a big proponent of playing the rules-based way because it temporarily Triggers the emotionally unhealthy men to wildly chase you Temporarily and they disappear just as fast as they entered in your life This is why I prefer every one of you reading the book how to make love all the time by Barbara D'Angelo's how to make love all the time by Barbara D'Angelo's I highly recommend reading this book to shift your relationship narratives so Why so he's doing these five things probably his love language is acts of service Chrissy and if you're in a season Relationship my invitation for the both of you It's decide what it is you want from a long term start discussing it now because folks I Witness too many women spend one two three four five years with the wrong guy Hoping that magic fairy dust will make him change because magic fairy dust always does its job Folks many of you are suckling on the nipple of magic fairy dust and I'm here to say become Intentional in your life stop playing the game of fantasy and start being intentional because that's what an emotional Grown-up that's what an adult does in relationship Ah That was a rant. Thank you for allowing me to share her. Thank you Chrissy. I appreciate that All right, let's see what else we have here Jennifer says question if a guy stops doing one or more of the five things does that mean he doesn't love me anymore Well, okay great question and my first thought was it could be But the also the other thing is men get kind of lazy men tend to nest into Relationship Especially and especially emotionally unhealthy men so they well they don't just nest They nest and leave at some point but most most emotionally unhealthy men are lazy in relationship However, here's the thing even emotionally healthy men once they're settled in relationship They might not consciously do these things However, here's the thing what I have observed in the happiest healthiest couples Sometimes they get into their ruts and their routines. That's a very common thing to have happened But ultimately what you'll find is the communication and the friendship between them is Amazing and if you have good solid communication and friendship Most likely they're experiencing what I call a spiritual partnership And you might want to check out Gary Zukoff's book on spiritual partnership But it could mean he's on his way out or it just could simply mean that when two people become comfortable with each other They tend to get a little lazy with one another This is why coming back to the Barbara D'Angelo's book is so important making love all the time So you don't get lazy in relationship like a lot of people do Jennifer, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it All right, let's keep swimming By the way, everybody writes me now and tells me how much they like when I say let's keep swimming Um Sabrina says are you not in a good mood today Jonathan? I will say I'm feeling just a tiny little bit off So if you're picking up on that good pickup, I'm just feeling a little off today Maybe I'm feeling a little bloated or something, but I am present here for you guys So let me just keep answering questions. By the way, you can purchase a super sticker super chat Or you can hit thumbs up so we can get more people to see this. So thank you so much All right Janet says I believe many men do believe they love you when they tell you they just don't recognize what love actually is When it changes they they think they have fallen out of love and they lack love education That could be true. I again coming back to emotionally healthy men differentiating Emotionally healthy men versus emotionally unhealthy men emotionally unhealthy men are very chaotic in the way They express themselves Most likely it's because the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid There might be some chaos going on in that man's life. In fact, this is one of the things ladies I want to continually encourage you to pay attention Do you share the same values are your lifestyles blendable? And is he emotionally mature because an emotionally mature man? He has his house in order In other words, his professional life his home life everything is in order his physical life He takes care of his physical health in the way he eats and he exercises and lastly he does introspective work on himself he's constantly trying to improve himself And sadly most human beings at least here in the united states I can't speak for the rest of the world are actually emotionally stunted. This is why again, I continually recommend checking out my work I call it shortcut to mr. Right. That's my coaching program and it's designed to get you truly crystal clear on Who's compatible with you and how to ask the right questions early so you don't waste time with the wrong guy Janet, thank you so much for jumping in All right, let's see what else we have If you have a question purchase a super sticker super chat, I'd really appreciate that All right, Nicole says true Um, Jennifer says the energy in the planets is strange and intense. I guess that's what I'm feeling Um All right, let's see what else do you have a question post the word question write the question write the question thereafter So it's easier for me to find Uh, unconditional lady says absolutely. I do not have time to fuck around with this shit anymore. Love your work, jonathan Thank you so much And I am says I'm so looking forward to deep intimate intimacy a deep intimacy intimate connection It will come indeed it will All right, if you have a question for me post a question or we're gonna have a short um We're gonna have a short live stream today Um, elaine says great video jonathan my dad's favorite comment shit or get off the pot mine too All right, if you have a question post the word question and write the question thereafter so I can find it in the chat box um Oh, here's one. I think I think this is a question Is it unreasonable that I require he be vaccinated before we go any further? Is it unreasonable that I require him to be vaccinated? So um Here's the thing that's a great question. We and this is a very sensitive subject So I don't want to get into the politics of this or the validity of the vaccine What's most important in this particular case is that you feel it's important to you So depending and by the way, I know married couples that are having some conflict right now I know several men in my circle of friends who have gotten vaccinated and their wives have not because They are not anti-vaxxers. They're in what's called informed. Um vaxxers And and they've read the the the by the way, did you know that when you I got vaccinated Did you know you had to sign a waiver saying this could kill you and you have to hold us harmless if it does I mean, I can understand why someone might be reluctant to get the vaccine I can I can totally appreciate that from a human being So require I certainly would have a conversation and if that's important to you if that is your deal breaker You have to decide what's reasonable for you. It's not my my job to decide what's reasonable for you I can understand why you want that and I support that I also understand why someone may not want to get the vaccine and I support that And sometimes we reach a point where we have to agree to disagree so long as we hear each other And someone who loves you is going to listen to you They may not agree with your point of view, but if they're truly love you They will hear your point of view and accept it for being true for you So that's just my two cents on that. Thank you for that question. I really appreciate it All right, let's go back here Um Okay, American firecracker question How can you not how can you not challenge a man's intellect when disagreeing with him about worldview? Especially when a man has spent considerable time putting his energy into coming up with a theory How can you not challenge? Well? I'm listen I believe the deep richness of a relationship Is is around our ideologies. I think the way we view the world philosophy to me personally Um is the fascinating part of being in relationship when you can be with someone where you can explore the depths Not just of the relationship, but the depths of world and there's going to be humans that have different ideologies I think two Healthy human beings listen to each other's point of view Accept each other's point of view as being true for them And while they may not come to a consensus together an agreement I think what's most important is to be seen heard and understood by each one of you So in my opinion, I'm a big proponent of talking about things like that actually rather early on So I can get a sense is a person open-minded or closed-minded And I happen to be a person that likes to think I'm a middle-of-the-road person that likes to hear other points of view I may not agree with them, but I'm certainly open to hearing them And I want them to hear my point of view and while they might not agree with any I want them at least to hear me so to come back to your question I don't know if I answered your question fully. How can you not challenge a man? I'm not about challenging people I'm about being inquisitive That's healthier to me is to be simply inquisitive rather than challenge And that's my perception on that one American firecracker. Thank you so much for that question Again purchase a super sticker super chat to tell me I'm doing a good job and also please hit that like button. Thank you so much Um these sets says what is your deal breakers? If you're asking me personally Um a couple deal breakers from I'm not if someone's a smoker. It's just a big turnoff to me So that's a deal breaker Someone with a closed mind is an absolute deal breaker for me Someone whose ideology is too far to the left or forward too far to the right is a deal breaker for me If it's extremes someone who hasn't healed from childhood wounds and traumas and they're still Struggling in their life with trust issues. Those are deal breakers for me. Those are just some of the deal breakers for me Not this is a deal breaker, but it must have is I prefer an empty nester than someone who's actively raising children It's not a deal breaker. It just happens to be a must have for me Because I'm in my life where I want to play and I want someone else to play So I share these with you for you to come up with your own deal breakers. What are your deal breakers? Deal breakers are something that you can evaluate in the first second first second or third day You can it's by the way trust and integrity is something you can't find out on a first second or third day But you can find out what your deal breakers are like the ones I just shared relatively quickly and that's mine So thank you for asking lisa All right, nicole writes question Is it possible that we're both having feelings for each other but are shy to admit it? absolutely What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Here's my feeling on that question Shut up stop whining and get a life Folks a kick at kick butt approach to a better life I read this book 15 years ago and this is fucking phenomenal folks. Shut up Stop whining get a life. In fact in my book. What the heck is self love anyway chapter two is called Stop fucking complaining. Stop fucking complaining in my book Definitely a result from this book. So that's my invitation for you Also folks, I want to introduce everyone to a book called first date stories by jody kline She sent me a copy of this book and there It's a woman's Women's romantic ridiculous midlife adventures for those in midlife. You might want to check out midlife mid first date stories I posted this in my community page and you may want to check this out All right, let's go through some more questions um Sabrina says some of us are a bit cranky today. We'll stop it All right Let's see Mack I don't know how to pronounce this so the what stated is what is it about the us specifically that enables and fosters people both male and female Who are emotionally stunted? Okay, that's a great question. So I think This is just my perception. I think couple things United States oftentimes Promotes individuality whereas a lot of other countries promote family Much more the importance of the family structure and what I mean by family structure is community That's number one Number two, the united states is a melting pot of almost every other culture in the world We are we are the biggest melting pot of every other culture So when you go to nigeria, it's pretty much all nigerians, you know when you go to Uh, I'm guessing now if you go to russia, it's mostly russians. I'm guessing I I don't know that for a fact when you go to china. It's mostly chinese people here in the united states It's a melting pot of different values. So that's number two number three We are a consumer driven society. It is more about what you dress and what you wear in the julie So it's very materialistic Where it's not the same in countries where there's not as much wealth It's more about the heart in a lot of other countries This is merely my perception of the united states in relationship to the world So this is why when I continually say here in the united states Well, because I don't know what it's like to live in england and in germany and in france and in china and in japan and zimbabwe Just to name a few places But I will tell you here in the united states. We are fucking suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness here We are riddled with people blaming everybody else for their lot in life And this is why if you want to break the chains of the mediocrity It's time to begin to understand that you are responsible for your choices You are personal responsibility for your choices. This is why I get so Enraged when I witness women particularly post quotes about Bagging on men and complaining about men Because all that does is perpetuate more and more victim consciousness And I am tired of the victim narrative and let me tell you folks and I'm speaking to many of you women right now Your victim consciousness is why you're single and you're going to stay single for a very long time It is time to break out of that When I let me just read you some of the chapters in my book to just help you get there Some of the chapters include the following Stop fucking complaining You're human mistakes happen If something feels off it is Don't let anyone fuck with your chi folks that know my son connor There he is right there. He had this ability to not let others fuck with his chi his fuck with his inner being Be of service of humanity take personal responsibility for your choices Everything happens for you not to you and if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing Here's just a few of my chapters And I highly recommend Because here in the united states, I mean as great as this country is and I love being here It is also a melting pot of a lot of fucking whiny people And you know what? I like to be with people who are empowered who take charge of their life and my hope is My invitation for every one of you is you take personal responsibility for your life And if you're struggling on the inside then I highly recommend reading the hoffman process This is a 50 hour deep dive into exploring your childhood wounds and traumas That cause your negative patterns and your limiting beliefs in your life And if you're really willing to make a change either sign up to the program or buy this book and invest in yourself Because that's going to make the greatest impact in your life not finding a guy Because a relationship is only as good as the relationship you have with yourself And i'm here to encourage you to have an amazing relationship with yourself Esther perel who wrote the book mating in captivity said The quality of your life is based on the quality of your relationships and really it starts with the relationship with self Okay, that was a rant i'm done Thank you so much for allowing me to rant there And thank you for that question mac and terry or whatever this sorry All right luan says Do you think there's a difference between I love you and i'm in love with you? Yes I do believe there's a difference um I think i'm in love with you. I'm trying to differentiate what I think the difference is Listen, I love my children. I love my mother and father. There's a picture of my mom and dad Actually, there's a picture of my mom and dad before they my mom passed away Uh, I love my mom and dad. I love my son I love my friends in love is a deeper love It's saying that you are a part of my life and I'm a part of your life and that we are co-joined as one And without compromising our individuality and more importantly, it's passion It's I want to fuck your brains out. That's what I love you means to me It goes beyond the love that we feel for our children our family and our friends It's like it's that juicy delicious healthy love that says I want to fuck your brains out And I know you women want to say we make love together. I'm listen. I'm just saying this for effect Of course, I'm talking about making love and going deeper. It means We matter our relationship matters. I'm here You matter. We're important. I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you and that only what you means I'm deeply passionately deliriously in love with you. At least that's my version of it. You take it for what it's worth Luan, thank you for that. I really appreciate that All right Next question. Where do you think is the best place to get to know your potential partners in the bedroom? I was just doing you know when you get a fortune cookie and you end it with in bed So we're actually that's one of the best places to get to know someone Intimacy is the bedroom is great And intimacy is how you get to know someone so it starts by expressing your feelings And inviting the man to his express his feelings if you haven't read the book if the buddha dated I highly recommend this but I want you to read another book I'll pull these both up If the buddha dated and also the mastery of love the mastery of love by don mcgill rues Great books to really start leaning into deeper intimacy in relationship So great question. Thank you so much for that But in the bedroom going back to that one just kidding. Uh, all right Janet goes google question Do you agree when relationship does not work the extra time in life is for preparation to becoming the person you're created to be To do the things you won't have time to do later Bump bump bump. That's it folks. I'm single right now In fact, I'm going to share some personal things with you right now Um, I'm not in a relationship and it's because I've been doing a deep dive into a lot of healing When my significant relationship ended four years ago I went to the Hoffman process. I went to the Hoffman process the actual physical Hoffman process Because it was time to do some deeper work. I was still in a lot of pain and then Five months after the Hoffman process. I lost my mother to cancer And then six months later. I lost my son connor to an accident Now anyone who's lost a child or anyone could imagine this This is devastating and it broke my heart open And in fact, it was the catalyst to writing my book what the heck is self love anyway And for the last few years, I've been in mourning And also real deep dive into some more healing to prepare me to be in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship So last live stream, I shared publicly that I was doing a psilocybin journey. I want you to google psilocybin. I did a psilocybin journey with a shaman This is a medicine. This is a plant-based medicine to help break your ego open And I had a profound experience and during this time I really explored death death of my ego Not the death of my body But the death of all the things that doesn't serve me to letting go Of those things that don't serve me and also to let go trying so hard I will admit that on some level I've been trying too hard to attract a mate in my life I'm going to openly admit that now that's not to suggest that I don't believe in making effort But I might have been trying too hard And so the message I got from the medicine it's time to trust It's time to trust that the universe will bring my life partner for me at the right time That partner that resonates with me that partners that aligned with me That partner where we have the relationship iceberg where we share the same values Our lifestyles are blendable and she's emotionally mature as much as I am And that we experience amazing chemistry. That's why it's in red And I know it's coming whether it happens today Two days from now two months from now or two years from now I trust that it's coming to me and why I'm sharing this with you is there was There's more work that needs to be done even for myself and if that's true for me That's true for everyone and what I mean to say is Sometimes we might try too hard and sometimes we might not try hard enough What I mean to say making the effort I'm all about being intentional with effort be intentional with the effort In the dating process and if you need some support with that check out a link to a free discovery call with me to see If working with a coach is right for you I did mention that I had a death experience I had a premonition That someone I knew was going to die during this journey on saturday And the weirdest thing happened when I was driving home This is the honest to god's truth when i'm about to share with you When I was driving home at 11 30 at night once the medicine had kind of left my body I got a text i got a phone call from a friend of mine at 11 30 at night letting me know my friend kara had passed away I posted this in my community page And I said oh my fucking god my intuition Was speaking to me three or four like five hours beforehand One of the beauties of the medicine is it breaks open your ability to channel your intuition And i'm also the other message I got from the medicine is start trusting your heart start trusting your intuition And that's one of the reasons why i'm doing a deeper dive into studying Intuition and also breaking open my intuition. So I did a little test the other day And I was watching a football game a football game And instead of what I usually do is say to the quarterback You know of the opposing team fumble the ball fumble the ball I started to just predict what was going to happen on each play and it was blowing me away One after another after another I just trusted what my the first thing that came to my mind I said it out loud and that's what happened. That's what happens when you lean into your intuition You can actually start predicting what's going to happen This this is just listen. This is just my story. I'm not saying it's the the truth for you I'm not saying this is real. I'm just saying this is what I experienced And that's my invitation for all of you to start leaning into your heart-centered place of trusting your gut And that's one of the other messages I got from the medicine So thank you for allowing me to share that publicly Oh, by the way, if you have a personal question of me write the word personal question and then post the question Also, don't forget to purchase a super stick or super chat to tell me I'm doing a good job. I really appreciate that All right, let's keep going Kit Kat says sorry about your friend Jonathan much love. Thank you so much. I appreciate that AM says psilocybin was this what you use for your journey? Yes. Yes. Yes By the way, I was listening to the song Um white rabbit by jefferson airplane and in there is there's the words, uh, that gives you a hint on what I took so All right Um Brandy says question. Please explain the medicine. So all right really quickly the street name is called magic mushrooms I did it with a shaman and his wife You can go to other you can go to places like peru and other places to do this There's certainly place around this isn't I'm not going to talk about its legality or not But I'm here to say at least I live in california. So we're a little bit more liberal here It's a it's a medicine just like cannabis that breaks you open It breaks you open it helps to dissolve the ego and allows you to and by the way, it's psychedelic So you can have wild colors. I mean by the way, do you know some of the best lyrics from music was written When people were on drugs some of the best music ever is written when people are on drugs I'm so you know, we live in a fucking stuck up world here that says you can't do things And yet there are think now i'm not here to promote addiction nor am I here to promote getting wasted I'm here to promote exploring the depths of your inner self And I really was able to connect with my inner self So I invite people to explore that for themselves in a safe environment And you'll have to do that research on your own All right, sherry says trust your intuition my gut and instincts always. Yes All right Kim says personal question comfortably numb. Love you Uh comfortably numb. Okay. Thank you. I don't know what you mean by that, but yes Um Pamela says I'm a huge fan of drug induced music Some of the best lyrics that were ever written comes from like I what I shared Not in the deal. I don't know if miss valquez personal question Does couples go through this? What do you do when your man doesn't want sex? What does that mean? Okay um Well if a man doesn't want sex Um, it might be depending on his age. It might just be that he's not capable of performing I'm a big by the way Most relationships end because erotic connection starts to die. This is why again reading ester parel's work She is all about talking about erotic connection and I highly recommend reading her work studying her work So you can build that erotic connection with you To and also coming back to barbara de angeles how to make love all the time and it's not about sex Read those books and then come back to me with your question. Thank you so much Am says we are all products of the 70s. That music is the bum my new pandora channel Wait, hold on my new pandora channel is the uh Is the uh The white rabbit station the white rabbit station you might want to check it out okay Sadie says personal question jonathan Did you ever go on a date with someone that you met on a dating website only to find out that they didn't look like They're photos um well all right The answer is yes and no and let me say this. I never had like a total date and switch where they had a picture of you know Kate beckonsdale and then they showed up like rosanne bar. Okay, so i've never had that But i've certainly gone out with women from their pictures where My projection of their looks was much more attractive than they actually were in person I've had that that was on my part my projection Was projecting that they were more attractive than they were actually out in person Then there have been several times where they photographs didn't do them justice. They were absolutely gorgeous in person I'm going to teach you all the secret of a great photograph right now So let me tell you something ladies I scroll through profiles I scroll through profiles We'll go on bumble real quick We'll go and most women like look at this picture Like look at that. She's got her mask on Let me tell you something men are attracted to a big gigantic smile Big eyes, you know, you know a healthy hair You want to have attractive photographs and the secret to a great photograph is to chuckle Now the camera takes a snapshot of the chuckle, which is really just your energy. This is my normal smile It's lame my chuckle Shows energy so when the snapshot is taken of the chuckle It shows up really more attractive So the secret to a great photograph is to chuckle while the person is taking the picture What's going to show up is your radiance have nice hair You know get your eyes done up and then show that Chuckling smile and don't wear a mask like this woman did because that is a swipe left And then look at this picture. She does she looks like she's got resting bitch face We're going to swipe left No smile Kind of smiling, but her eyes are droopy Now look at this energy from that picture Can you see that? All right, you get to just to where I'm going. So thank you for that question. I hope it helped Sadie, thank you so much. I appreciate that Um, totally chill says I'd be afraid to see colors. That's the best part of a journey um All right Ingrid says you're doing a great job I enjoy listening to you and following your advice a couple times things turned out around like what you said to my surprise Yes, thank you Doug our token guy in the group. I met a woman who on her dating site stated She was 54 with 54 age pictures only to show up and state right off the bat. I'm actually 66 I'm thinking shit, but just smile. By the way, this is why it's good to do a zoom or face time date Kelly says death is the transformation to the spirit consciousness. Nothing dies. It transforms many coincidences To everyone who lost loved ones. Yes. Yes. Yes, Kelly. You are right on at least I I have a consensus with that. Yes Yes, that's right, jonathan and a live video is always nice. Thank you so much. I agree Pamela says laugh out loud the woman with a mask definitely a showstopper for her is someone who won't get the jab Well, that's probably true too, but I won't even swipe opening the pictures Um Am says I had a bait and switch first date horribly uncomfortable. Yes, it does happen Kim Jordan says white rabbit. I love that song. I'd play it right now, but that gets censored on YouTube All right Question. Is there a schedule of topics you will discuss live? Where is it? Um, no, there is no schedule. I make them up just Okay, I do my live streams monday wednesdays at 4 p.m pacific coast time and fridays at 3 p.m. I didn't do it last monday because I was still Downloading a lot of processing from my journey and let me just tell you what I shared was just the tip of the iceberg of what I experienced so um And by the way, there was four women and one transgender and I was the only male in the group out of this Six people that I did the journey with it was a blast and the transgender woman was Amazing, I love the depth that she was able to express because we get to share our experiences as we're coming down It was a blast so um Pamela says I would never meet with someone without zoom first. That's a good idea these days I would definitely recommend that Sue says so many men don't smile makes me swipe left. Yes men and women alike. Don't smile It's sad It's very sad All right All right. Hey purchase some super stickers super chats for the cost scholarship fund for conor I want to be able to give away more money to the inside group in the hoffman process. So please help me out All right, let's see what other questions we have. Let's go swimming Personal question Sex addiction. Is that normal behavior? Does that have a solution? Are you asking me if I have a sexual addiction? Because it says personal question um sex addiction listen I don't believe in normal Anymore I don't believe in normal anymore I believe in individual choice if someone has a sex addiction That's their choice. I'm not here to judge it. I'm not here to say it's good or bad. What I don't agree with are God, I don't even want to say this publicly. There are a lot of things. I don't agree with so let me just say that But people's individual choices so long as it doesn't Conflict with another human being so let me or let me just say this Everybody can make their own choices So long in my world so long as it doesn't conflict with my choices or or it's Detrimental to someone else's choices. You have your own choices. So if someone has a choice of sex addiction That's on them. Now. I wouldn't want to date a woman who has sex addiction And I certainly wouldn't want to encourage any of my clients to date men with sex addiction But i'm not here to judge the person who has it. That's all I wanted to say So thank you for that Nadia. I appreciate it or Nadia. I'm sorry how to pronounce your name Nanya business. Thank you for the four dollars and 99 cents super sticker. I really appreciate that very much Thank you so much for that super sticker um Charlie sheen anger management. I actually like Charlie sheen. So um, I'm okay with him Julie says what makes a man divorce his wife and marry a younger woman? Um Well, there's a thousand reasons why he got divorced and there's usually and the uh younger woman is because he most likely would prefer A lot of times people our own age come to the table with a lot of baggage And a lot of luggage or they don't take care of themselves physically So that's why they might choose younger women and why a man gets divorced for the exact same women women get divorced We all might have married the wrong person. That's one of the reasons why it might happen There are a thousand reasons why it happens and I guess the point is Julia Why does it matter to you? Why don't you I want you to write down? Why does this question matter to you write that down because that's the more important question Not what he does why it matters to you. That's my invitation for you But thank you for pointing that out. I really appreciate it Jerry Mitchell says this is true tired of being lovebomb told him I was done. Gotcha Jennifer says I think tiger woods and sex addiction. He went to therapy. That's what some people do when that happens Drugs alcohol sex. There's all different types. By the way, sugar is our biggest addiction Here in the united states. We are suckling on the nipple of sugar addiction. In fact that outweighs by the way Our unhealthy eating habits here in the united states is why we have such high cancer and such high heart disease We have terrible diets here in the united states. That's one of the reasons why so the biggest addiction is sugar sugar There's a great movie on netflixer. I think it's amazon pride called the sugar addiction. You may want to watch it Does anyone agree with me on that? Lisa says jonathan don't pick up on my chocolate addiction. I was jonesing for some chocolate earlier. So Um all right And nicole says very true or yeah true. Thank you so much. All right. Yes Kelly says addiction start and end it with the mind I smoked before I was pregnant and stopped because I was pregnant most addictions are choices I pray for all of us to overcome unhealthy things. Can I get an amen? I don't want to talk about addiction anymore by the way All right, we're going to save the last four new minutes If you have a personal question of me write the word personal question I'm going to share a couple things personal about jonathan asley if you have a question Write it down and then we're going to wrap up for the day Um, and just a reminder we talked about when a man deeply loves you will start saying these five things I'll share that before I wrap up today Um, okay Oops, I was trying to get this one kick cat says amen maggie says amen. Thank you so much Hey, I am am says amen. Lisa says amen Uh Jennifer says i'm a sugar addict and i'm healing it good for you All right, we're going to wrap up in a second if you have a personal question for me We're going to take our last one or two questions if you have one of me personally and then we're going to wrap up for the evening Um, let's see if we've got anything here. I don't see anything. We're gonna we're going to wrap up We have a lot of sugar addiction people here today All right, well, I think this would be a good place to wrap up because we don't have any questions coming in All right, nicole. Thank you for that. Hey everyone I want to thank you for allowing me to share when a man deeply loves you He'll stay start saying these five things and they are he starts saying we We should go on a trip together. He knows when something's bugging you. He'll check in and say tell me more about that number three he pay attention to he pays attention to attention to your needs and he'll say I get that for you He's start doing things that you do He starts leaning into the things you do and he'll say i'm gonna do that And lastly he invites you into his life his family and friends He wants to show you off and he's going to say hey come to my work party come to my friend's house come to my Uh, my children's house or my uh parents house because I want to introduce you to my family That's what a man does when he deeply loves you. These are five of some of the many things men do and women do When they are in love. I hope you found value in this uh live stream today Please hit that like button. Please share this with your friends If you want some support check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right For you check out my book what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work to change your life And I want to thank you all for allowing me into your life this evening I'm gonna sign off this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pat the teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye