 Palm olive soap your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamour as caressible hair Bring you our miss brook starring Eve Arden Our miss brooks teaches English at Madison High School and like most other teachers She tries to stay on the best of terms with her principal. Mr. Osgood Conklin This isn't always easy You see mr. Conklin has high blood pressure and it's wise to take him with a grain of salt Of course, it's wiser not to take him at all Anyway on Thursday, he gave me a little honorary assignment to take care of on my own time Which consisted of a report he had to submit to the school board I was to rephrase punctuate and proofread the 25 pages by morning and sure enough I got it all done by morning In fact when mrs. Davis my landlady awakened me I had been sleeping like a baby for over 20 minutes I'm upset dear. What's the trouble nightmare? No day, ma'er. I was up all night with some extra work Mr. Conklin gave me. Oh Well, I guess you can use the extra money that goes with it money. What money surely there must be some Compensation for working away from the school. Oh, there is mrs. Davis the satisfaction of a job well done The thrill of helping my colleagues in their time of need and the gratification that comes with the knowledge that I've assisted my Superior officer on the battlefield of life And you know something else mrs. Davis what Connie the next time I work at home. It'll cost him a fin Well remember this dear money won't buy back your health and good looks once they've gone if I were you I'd flatly refuse to do any extra work at all Oh, but I can't do that mr. Conklin's my principal that doesn't give him the license to make a beast of burden out of you Why for two cents? I'd advise you to quit and if I had two cents I'd take your advice Even a beast of burden has to earn oat money Well, hurry with your shower Connie. I've got a nice breakfast all planned for you Oh, I won't have time for breakfast today mrs. Davis Walter Dentons taking me to school in his car So I can get this report to mr. Conklin. What's the matter with your car Connie? I had a little trouble with the steering wheel. What kind of trouble it came all It's nice of you to give me this lift today Walter and I'd like to compliment you on your promptness too You were right on time. Oh punctuality's a mania with me mr. Brooks besides if I wasn't on time You let some other kid pick you up like I always say the early bird catches the worm Like I always say to the other worms, let's get some men and go fishing Eventually mr. Brooks you look like you could use a little help you seem bushed Frankly, I think you're work happy mr. Brooks work happy. Yeah, what did you do last night after you got home from school? I worked on a report for mr. Conklin. Aha, I knew it mr. Conklin shouldn't give you extra things to do Why don't you tell him about it Walter? No, I'm not kidding mr. Brooks if you let him mr. Conklin will make a beast of burden out of you You got to put your foot down. I may put all four of them down But I've been reading in the papers that there's quite a shortage of good teachers You don't have to talk out anybody. I don't have to what Walter Taokao, it's Chinese slang for polishing the apple Well Walter, I don't talk out of mr. Conklin. It's just that he's my principal excuse me mr. Brooks But he's only your principal at school after hours. He's just Before I quote what I'm going to quote. I'd like to make a prior statement proceed Well any remark I make now is merely something I overheard in my daily contact with other members Of the student body and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of the repeating eavesdropper Well repeat away eavesdropper I've heard sundry other pupils refer to mr. Conklin as Like I said mr. Brooks, this isn't necessarily my opinion of me. You've made that very clear Walter It good. Well some of the kids have spoken of mr. Conklin as After all I go with his daughter Harriet, you know Yes, I know it might not be the right thing to do to talk about my father-in-law Walter you're not married yet. That's right, too. Well, I've heard him called it Gee, I wouldn't want Harriet to know about this my lips are sealed Walter now go on Okay, mr. Conklin in the eyes of some of the undergraduates at this high school is nothing but it Gosh if I was Harriet's father and he was gonna marry Harriet Want him to go repeating things about me Then again he probably be the first one to do it sure he would so I'll tell tell A kid in the cafeteria called mr. Conklin a big inflated bag of ego there. I said it Give that boy a new Nash and a pair of pajamas to drive it in You will never mention my mentioning this will you miss Brooks? Oh, of course not Walter I wouldn't even want anyone to hear me thinking it mr. Conklin may be rather a discipline Arion, but he does have quite a job on his hands too running a high school these days is difficult work Now just between you and me Walter. Yes, how would you go about deflating a big bag of ego? Well, the first thing I do is not let him think I was afraid of my job I'd walk in with whatever work I'd done for him last night throw it on his desk and say there He are that's the last work. I do outside of my regular school duties. Take it or leave it Buster I Sounds like Sterling advice Walter, but there's just one more thing. I'd like to ask you What's that miss Brooks if Buster decides to leave it? Yeah, where's the nearest local of the beasts of burden Union? Now then Harriet I want the furniture in this office to be absolutely glistening Harriet Conklin when your father and principal asks you to polish something grab a dust rag girl Daddy Because mr. Jason Brill the principal of Clay City High School is paying me a visit You know how sarcastic and critical he can be but why is he coming to Madison? Well, I'm not positive Harriet, but I think the old pirate is here to raid one of my teachers It's a deplorable practice, but he stole a Spanish teacher right from under the nose of Colton's principle But daddy didn't you get our new math teacher mr. Fane away from Clay City? That Harriet is just a rumor Came to Madison of his own free will You mean he joined our faculty before you gave him your own study at home to sleep in and Promised him your car whenever he wanted it and told him about having all his meals with us free of charge in two movies a week thrown in Consider the subject closed Now if that Brill thinks he can sneak in here like a thief in the night Yeah, I'm your part. It's just call me kettle. I'm the kettle. It was being called black by that pot over there Now see here Brill. I won't oh, excuse me. That will be all Mr.. Brill a good-bye Harriet Poor girl What do you mean poor girl if you've come here to get my goat just a while on the contrary as good. It's not a goat I'm after it's an English teacher. I've got my eye on an English teacher. This is war as good Remember you crossed my frontier first. I don't know what you're talking about I'm talking about mr. Fain a good if flighty math teacher Okay, you've got Fain, but I'm going to get the best English teacher at Madison miss Constance Brooks miss Brooks But what made you pick her out? I'm attracted to her syntax Very interesting Brill but an altogether impossible task Why should miss Brooks want to work for any other principal when she's used to the benevolent tender warm-hearted Guidance of a person like myself That's one of the things I'm depending on Another one is a secret weapon ours good you'll find out all about it when it's too late secret weapon What's secret weapon? It's a secret ours good But believe me it's going to work Jason. You're being absolutely childish There isn't the remotest possibility of miss Brooks making any such ridiculous change as you suggest there isn't no there is Look ours good. I don't want to be an old. I told you so, but that's just what they said right before Jack Benny switched to CVS Are you are mr. Conklin? That's the last work. I do outside of my regular duties Miss Brooks, that's it. Take it or leave it bit buster. I mean sir They've gotten to it Come here miss Brooks sit down by my desk if you please what well, but I've got a class soon mr. Conklin I can wait you've been working too hard lately miss Brooks. I have that is sure I have I Don't like it you here. I don't like it one bit you don't we here at Madison don't want our teachers to overwork After all you're an educator a person of intellect and perception not a beast of burden Look about you miss Brooks the walls of this office that picture hanging there of Madison's principal Yoda crutch He certainly was There's more to a school than the people in it there's tradition a tradition of loyalty in industry good fellowship and cooperation But mostly loyalty Why when I think of our school song it brings a lump to my throat Oh Madison the medicine. I love the air Oh the Madison the medicine Miss Brooks Come with me to the window These hallowed walls This lovely ivy cupboard exterior Do you know the significance of this venerable and beloved ivy miss Brooks? Oh, I know I don't mr. Conklin here I'll raise the window Here let me help you Oh It's caught in that scummy ivy There we are Look miss Brooks look at this beautiful campus as far as the eye can see green grass Now there's one thing I want you to do before you do anything else. No What no, I won't do it Don't do what I absolutely refuse to mow that lawn You in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith the makers of palm olive soap are giving away $100,000 in prizes first prize $49,000 plus over 400 other cash prizes in the big 49 gold rush contest hundreds will strike it rich in this exciting gold rush contest One of them may be you it's easy to enter just finish this sentence in 25 additional words or less I like palm olive soap because that's all just 25 words or less to finish the sentence I like palm olive soap because then mail your entry right away along with a palm olive soap wrapper Try for your share of that $100,000 in prizes right now your chance of winning $49,000 is as good as anyone's get entry blank with complete rules from your dealer or write your completed sentence on plain paper Include your name in the dress and dealer's name in the dress Mail with one palm olive soap wrapper for each entry to gold rush contest box 49, New York 8, New York You better write that down gold rush contest box 49 New York 8, New York enter as often as you like including one wrapper with each entry But hurry the contest closes a week from next Saturday Mail your entry right away get palm olive soap right away to help win a lovelier Complexion and try for your share of the $100,000 in cash prizes Mr. Konglin not only canceled all extracurricular work for me But as we stood by the window looking across the campus he actually bent over backwards to be courteous and sweet Of course, he didn't bend over quite far enough But it was a surprise to see him acting so human Although I couldn't understand the reason for this on a custom solicitude. I didn't let it spoil my appetite When lunch period arrived, I was in the school cafeteria with our bashful biologist, mr. Philip Boynham Here we are sit right down. It's Brooks. Oh, thanks. Have you got everything modesty forbids a direct answer Mr. Boynham, oh good. How do you like what they're serving in the cafeteria these days, Mr. Brooks? Well, it'll never replace food It isn't what you eat in the place that's important anyway It's with whom what's with whom with whom you eat with whom Or as I once heard another English teacher say what's with you Are you teasing me again miss Brooks, but I'm getting kind of used to it I catch on much faster now than I used to don't you think oh, yes, you're really gone, mr. Boynham Not till I finish my meatballs That's that's another one of those colloquial expressions isn't it gone I wonder what the derivation actually is How a simple expression like the past tense of go could assume the connotation with which it's currently associated seems totally incomprehensible at first glance eat your meatballs mr. Boynham before they get warm again Well, it's Harriet Conklin. Hello Harriet daddy wants to see you in his office right away mr. Boynham if you don't mind And if he does mine, oh please mr. Brooks mr. Conklin wouldn't summon me during my lunch period unless it was something important I think it is daddy sounded very urgent. Maybe some of that ivy crawled into his office Forgotten our date this afternoon mr. Boynham. Oh, no, no, I'll call for you after school and take you to the zoo See you at 3 mr. Brooks. All right mr. Boynham Mr. Boynham isn't always as romantic as you'd like him to be is he mr. Brooks? No Harriet not always or ever for that matter Maybe it's just as well. You know how daddy feels about faculty members fraternizing not that I think daddy's right Sometimes daddy can be pretty harsh, but then if daddy wasn't daddy, what would he be? Mammy? See him table and get some lunch mr. Brooks. Can I bring you anything? No, thanks run along Harriet. Okay, mr. Brooks poor mr. Brooks She chases after mr. Boynham just like Walter Denton runs after me. I beg your pardon. Why it's mr. Brown Oh, hello Harriet. This is mr. Hastings Harvey. This is ours good Conklin's daughter Harriet. How do you do my dear? It's always a pleasure to meet a member of Madison's undergraduate body Especially such a charming and lovely one as yourself Mr. Hastings and I were just talking Harriet. We'll excuse you if you want to get to the steam table No, I would consider that a very fortuitous circumstance indeed Harriet Better not walk backwards Harriet She did Hastings is marvelous. You've got something that makes women drop whatever they're doing and concentrate on you Oh, I don't know mr. Brill. I just try to be pleasant to everyone Well, you keep it up. We'll have Connie Brooks in our English department in no time Now look, this is a good chance for you to meet her She's seated at that table over by the wall and she's alone It don't tell her too much right now, but make an appointment for tea then we'll really go to work on her Well, if you say so mr. Brill But it does seem like a kind of dirty trick will teach you so hard to get nowadays I think secret weapons don't think they act now. There's mr. Brooks Hastings sicker Yes, sir, and when I bring her back in place, it's your feet. I expect a whole case of strong heart Oh, I beg your pardon miss Brooks, but may I introduce myself? Well? Yes, I suppose Well I'm Constance Brooks. Yes, I know My name is Hastings Harvey Hastings. Are these chairs occupied? Just the one I'm sitting in Oh, I mean help yourself, please. Thank you. I'm not going to be in town very long miss Brooks and I'll have to move rapidly. So may I take you home after school? That's a little too rapidly Just who are you mr. Hastings? Well, I'm a I'm a sort of a friend of a friend of mr. Conklin. He has I Dropped over today with mr. Brill. Oh the principle of clay city. Hi. What are you doing here slumming? Oh, that must be the famous Brooks would I've heard so much about You can stop now I Seriously miss Brooks. I think that your undergraduate body is wonderful. Mr. Hastings The kids the kids great bunch your faculty is nice too. Yes. I still have them all Oh Miss Brooks, there's there's one thing I just can't understand how does a youthful intelligent Lovely-looking person like yourself happened to be lunching alone. I beg your pardon Didn't you hear what I said miss Brooks? You lost me after youthful Really, I just can't figure it out all by yourself in this big cafeteria. Oh Thing like this could never happen at clay city. Oh, thank you mr. Hastings miss Brooks I'm writing a book on the teaching of English in our high schools And I'd certainly like to include an interview with Madison's Outstanding authority on the subject. Oh an interview. Well, I did have a date this afternoon Shall we say tea for two at four? Well, I guess so but there's something I can't help thinking Oh, what's that miss Brooks tea for two at four will mean zoo for one at three And that's why I've summoned you to my office mr. Boyden Jason Brill and his his secret weapon must be stopped You've got to make miss Brooks stay on at Madison. Why me mr. Conklin You know how timid I am you've got to get over it boy. You like miss Brooks, don't you? Oh, yes But what about your stand on fraternization? I've reversed it as of now Look boyden all you have to do is act the way you really feel or better yet the way you've seen other people act What do you mean mr. Mr. Conklin? Well, you've seen leading men on the screen haven't you Humphrey Bogart in knock on any door Errol Flynn in in Don Juan No, sir. I haven't seen those. Oh, well, what's the last movie you did see the last movie? I saw was called. I believe was called arrow Smith. I Don't go to movies much mr. Conklin. You see I'm more of a radio fan I listen to those mystery programs a lot mystery programs Well, that's just as good according to my wife and daughter those private detective fellows are as attractive as any of the movie stars Now, why don't you act like one of them when miss Brooks comes around me act like a private eye? Certainly from what I hear most of them merely sit behind a desk until some beautiful girl comes in then they open the draw Take a big drink and then they say come on babe. We're going on a caper Whatever that is Well, I won't take no for an answer boy, and you've got to do it with mr. Conklin It's for Madison boy. Tell me that you'll try boy, and that's all I ask I'll try mr. Boyden. I'm glad I caught you before you left school for the day I won't be able to go to the zoo with you this afternoon The boy did you hear what I said? What are you doing at that desk? Park the frame, baby Right there Now what's the caper sweetheart? Look, I know the opposition is trying to put the heist on certain persons, but we've got a few angles, too Angles they can't get away with it. See now. We've got them covered like a bubble dancer in Boston. See And that comes right for mr. Big see thank you, Edward G. Robbins You've got to stay here. Miss Brooks. You can't leave Madison. I don't know what their secret weapon is But just a minute. Who are we now buck Rogers? No, it's me mr. Pointing that was just distilled water. I drank distilled water I don't know what mr. Brill's planning, but then perhaps I'd better explain it myself You'll excuse us. I know the door was open. I believe you've met mr. Hastings miss Brooks. Oh, yes I have this is mr. Boyden mr. Hastings. How do you do? Hello, we've got to get back to Clay City a little earlier than I'd planned miss Brooks So I'm afraid your interview will have to be postponed However, I'm sure that we can take up just where we left off and we are all together in Clay City Yes, as you know a good teacher is always in demand miss Brooks Oh, you teacher snatcher What does he told you miss Brooks? Don't listen to him. Don't listen to anybody. Well, that isn't hard nobody's saying anything He's always anyway, mr. Hastings here is head of the English Department at Clay City, miss And he's your secret weapon, huh? Well, if you want to put it that way actually I'm a very simple man Yes, you are in a jet-propelled sort of way Now see here real I won't have you can't do it. I'll have you. Oh stop puffing ours. Good. You've come to a station What do you say miss Brooks, would you like to transfer to Clay City transfer well come to think of it? I have been overworking lately. I might consider a transfer at that. Oh, you can't miss Brooks Oh, why can't she have you got some extra chores? She can do without pay How about it mr. Conklin any more extra work? No miss Brooks none at all It's very pleasant at Clay City miss Brooks say you'll come say you won't it. Which is it miss Brooks? Well, it's quite a problem But now I'd like to ask a question mr. Brill if I were a biology teacher Would you want me to come to Clay City a biology teacher? Well frankly? No, there's no opening for a biology teacher That's all I wanted to know good day gentlemen. I'm remaining at Madison. Well, we tried come on Goodbye miss Brooks Good for you miss Brooks Oh Tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Only luster cream brings UK Dumas magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Gives loveliness lather even in hardest water Glamorizes your hair as you wash it Luster cream not a soap not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo leaves hair Fragrantly clean free of loose dandruff Blistening with sheen soft manageable gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanence Four ounce jar one dollar smaller sizes either tubes or jars Tonight try luster cream shampoo and be a Your crowning glory to Luster cream And now once again here is our miss Brooks well, mr. Conklin finally left us all alone in mr. Boynton's laboratory Gosh miss Brooks you sure had me worried were you really afraid I'd leave mr. Boynton sure I couldn't even talk I was so nervous you didn't get much of a chance But now that we're alone mr. Boynton. Is there anything else you want to say to me? Yes, miss Brooks. There is What if we don't hurry we'll be late for the zoo Where are you going miss Brooks? What are you doing at my desk park the frame, baby? You're in for the caper of your life Our miss Brooks show brought to you by pomalic so your beauty hope and luster cream shampoo for soft glamour as Carousel hair our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Burns written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur hatch Mr. Boynton is played by Jeff Chandler mr. Conklin by Gale Gordon others in tonight's cast where Jane Morgan Dick Crenna Gloria McMillan Gerald Moore and Frank Nelson Men do you shave with a ladder or brush the shave cream palm olive shaving cream comes both ways and Whichever way you prefer to shave you'll find that using either palm olive brushless or palm olive ladder shaving cream can bring you more Comfortable actually smoother shaves. Here's the proof 2,548 men tried the new palm olive way to shave described on the tube and no matter how they had shaved before Three out of every four got more comfortable Actually smoother shaves get palm olive brushless or palm olive ladder shaving cream today For mystery liberally sprinkled with laps listen to mr. And mrs. North the exciting fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife Tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these same stations and be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of our miss Brooks Bob LeMond speaking Stay tuned now for life with Luigi, which follows immediately over most of these same stations This is CBS where 99