 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic this emotion causes men to Ghost or pull away this emotion. I'm kind of crying This motion causes men to go stir pull away. Hey really quickly if you're new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content I shoot about four videos a week, and I'd love to invite you in to check out my content Okay, our topic this emotion is what caused men to Ghost or pull away, and I'm going to share something from my own personal experience My mother who's a beautiful woman who passed away a few years ago, that's a picture of my mom and dad I talk about them frequently But sadly my mother had an emotional trauma in her childhood That caused her to act a certain way in adulthood and this directly a rate relates to how she raised was raising my siblings and I as well as her interaction with my father and Sadly when my mother Got upset with my father with my brother with my sister or myself She would retreat inside of herself She would retreat inside of herself and literally for three solid days It was the silent treatment at home It was the silent treatment at home if my father did something it was silence to everybody if my brother did something It was silence to everybody if I did something there was silence Okay, now I want you to imagine this. I'm a small boy my brother as well Because my sister was grown and now the house by the time I was aware of this But I would recognize my mother would retreat and as a boy I took that as a sign of I did something wrong. I'm bad I must do I'm doing something to cause my mother not to give me love Now in all fairness to her I'm gonna get into her in a second But so as a child I couldn't trust love because there was always this kind of hot and cold thing coming from my mother And the way I internalized it was I'm bad. I'm wrong and to make matters worse I would be constantly thriving for attention. I would want attention. I'm like mom see me see me see me I want your attention. I want your attention if you're not familiar with the book attached I want you to check out what's not what to learn about love attachment style because I eventually Became what's known as an anxious attachment style my mother emotionally abandoned me And then my reaction was to chase love to fight for love to get attention So now you're probably wondering where this relates to this emotion caused men to ghost and pull away And I'm gonna get to that for a second First I had to recognize that this abandonment wasn't my fault Okay, wasn't my fault and yet as a child. I thought it was my fault So the emotion I was feeling is shame is shame So whenever I'm in relationship with someone and I'm even feeling a remote issue of shame My natural reaction is to pull completely away and to disappear because I was so conditioned that I was bad That I would pull away now at first I would be anxious and then I pull away So there's a disorganized component to this. That's why in the book attached It goes into much deeper detail about this disorganized avoidant and anxious attachment style But I'm a trainwreck and this is the root of this was shame I Had to go to the Hoffman process and if you're not familiar with that I talk about this frequently the Hoffman process to learn that my mother Did this because that's how she was conditioned as a child And while I don't absolve her of her actions I don't have to blame her anymore. In fact, I can after going through the Hoffman process I can learn to lean into loving into my mother more because she didn't do this to intentionally hurt us She didn't do this to intentionally hurt us She did that because that's how she was programmed and then eventually that got passed on to me So how this relates to men is oftentimes when men ghost or disappear or pull away It's because there's some underlying shame that they're not good enough going on inside of them There's some underlying shame that and for me it took 50 years to get to a place of beginning healing of it And I'm in this work. I do this work every day It took I mean I've been doing this for a decade before I really got into the core shame And I do this for a living imagine the average guy that barely does any personal development self-help and spiritual work This is why I'm a big advocate for my book What the heck is self-love anyway because it's an introduction to personal development self-help and spiritual work In fact, I talk about the Hoffman process in my book Because I had to learn to love on myself. In fact at the Hoffman process They did this great exercise where I left feeling like I was wrapped in a blanket of self-love It felt so wonderful to feel this blanket of self-love Instead of this shame I was feeling this emotion of shame And sadly a lot of men feel this emotion on shame on a subconscious level They may not think of it on a conscious level, but on a subconscious level. So just recognize that while most men Most men are good guys And most men are bad daters because they have unresolved childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that haven't been addressed And that makes them flaky wishy-washy ghosts disappear pull away pull back They're not doing it to hurt you and they're doing it because they're afraid to lean into love I'm all about leaning and you don't lean back into love you lean into love and that's my invitation So this video is only about understanding and compassion. Look it. I get it. You're with a guy whose Actions are inconsistent Then don't be with that guy And don't pander to him hoping that something will change If you watch any of my videos, I'm all about empowering yourself step into your empowerment. It's not divine feminine power It's your power just like it's my power. It's not labeled masculine feminine. It's labeled empowerment And I'm flexing my muscles, you know, however you wish to demonstrate how by the way, do me a favor post a comment below How do you demonstrate your own empowerment? Me? I do this. I'm empowered. I'm a victor in life Not a victim in life We don't have to label it masculine feminine. We're just talking about personhood your individual power because look it You most likely have your own shame going on in your life And it takes a lot of courage to step into it. It's not masculine. It's not feminine. It's just you That's all that matters step into your power And if you need help with that then read my book or schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you That's my whole gift in life is helping you vet those men who are stuck And also helping you get unstuck so you can attract those guys that are ready for a relationship and to help you become ready For a juicy delicious relationship leading to partnership And that's my invitation for everyone to choose that kind of relationship that leads to partnership All right, if you got a question, please post it below if you have a comment Please post it below and I'm going to wrap up this video today as I always do first off giving myself a big Gigantic Jonathan bear hug. I'm going to give you a hug of love I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye. Bye now