 All right. Hello everyone and welcome to the late night edition of Commitment Connection late night Valentine's Day. I'm actually in Europe right now. So this is not late night for me. It's The morning. It's like 7 30 in the morning So if you're awake and you're watching this in the United States or wherever you are welcome welcome My name is Matthew coast and I am the founder of Commitment Connection here and Today I wanted to talk about a few Different things. I've been seeing some different messages in our community we have a lot of women in our community that chat every day about different things and one of the questions that has recently come up over and over again is this question about whether doing nothing Works with a man. So does doing nothing work when you're dating a man and I'm actually gonna answer a few different questions here. One is about doing nothing or this concept that we talk about in our community about leaning back the second one is about Not showing any interest and whether that works or not and whether that's a part of leaning back as well and then the last one is about men and sex and So if you're if you're here watching us right now, make sure that you say hi watching us I'm the only person here. You're here with me right now. Make sure you say hi in the chat. I know it's a late night in the United States, so I Don't know how many people are gonna be joining us today So anyway, so we have this concept. It's called leaning back Right and one of the things that we found in our community and with a lot of the women that we work with and our clients Is that a lot of women are doing everything right there in these Relationships where they feel like they are the only person in the relationship like they're doing everything Like they're Moving everything forward. They're planning the dates. They're you know, making sure that they're feeling connected They're making sure that the man's feeling okay. They're putting in all the effort and they're doing everything and because a lot of times what ends up happening in situations like this is That the women that are in that situation will feel like they're being taken for granted, right? They'll feel like that they're not really being valued by the man Which a lot of times is true and and there's there's a lot of different reasons for that and so we Give this advice that we call leaning back right leaning back. You can see kind of the metaphor the idea of doing everything in the relationship is leaning forward and the idea of Like doing nothing, which is what a lot of people think leaning back is means, you know, it's this physical like metaphor of leaning like actually leaning back and letting Another example of that is kind of the rowing boat the rowing the boat metaphor which I got from Rory Ray originally she talks about like, you know If you're the one in if you're you have two people in a boat, right? You're in a rowboat, you know, are you rowing the boat or are you letting the man row the boat and You know, you could both be rowing boat, I guess Which is kind of an ideal situation sometimes and sometimes it's not depending on You know, what kind of a relationship you're in and what kind of a relationship you want? And so does is doing nothing good, right? I think that there are certain situations where doing nothing can be really good, right? It can be an indicator of What like if you if you are doing everything in a relationship or let's say you go on a date with a man Let's say you just met a man and you go on a date, you know, should you lean back? Right sometimes You know what or if you're in a relationship with a man should you do nothing, right? If you go on a date with a man, should you do nothing? What I think you'll determine what the the reason why you might want to do nothing is Because if you don't do anything, it'll tell you a lot about What's going on with the man, right? Is he interested? Is he trying to push things forward? Is he going to if you're in a relationship with a man, does he take the mantle does he take the the oars and start rowing? you know and so You know if you want to find out if How interested a man is in you? You might want to just try doing nothing for a minute and seeing what happens But doing nothing isn't a good long-term strategy, and it's also not a good strategy if You know for for any like extended period of time because if you do nothing there's a lot of other things that You know one one thing we're gonna be talking about here in a little bit I you know what I guess I'll just throw it in there I was going to kind of save this until the end But I might as well just throw it in there anyway, and it's this idea of showing interest, right? So there's I we've had some women in our community mention that They they've heard other other like experts or coaches say don't show interest like just don't do anything at all Right, and I think that's a a bad plan, right? I think you need to show some interest if you want a guy to Continue pursuing you because one of the biggest Challenge one of the biggest fears that men have in terms of relationships is getting put into the friends I right. I know it happens to a lot of women as well But it's like one of the biggest things that happened to men right like so like think about the nice guy Right, you've got the nice guy and the nice guys this guy that you know He meets a woman and he talks to her and he says these sweet things and she's like oh, he's so nice right and He's thinking in his mind. Maybe I'm getting somewhere with this and she's thinking in his in her mind He's not going anywhere right and so You know what ends up happening a lot of times is these guys get put into the friend zone and it happens over and over and over and over again in his life and Almost every guy that I've ever met unless you're a guy who looks like Brad Pitt or something You know you've probably been put into the friend zone before and so All right, so hey everybody So I don't know for some reason in my control here. I'm not getting anybody's I'm not seeing anybody's chat, but I can see it on the watch page now So hey Jessica Hey Christy hey pray from Thailand Yep, do nothing wrong hi from Mexico hi Blanca So if you're here with us say hi I love it when you guys say hi and so right now we're talking about Doing nothing whether it works and when it works and when it doesn't work, right? And so one of the things I was saying is that With most guys they need some kind of they they need some kind of indication that you're interested in right? Most guys will only Pursue you and chase you and try to go for this relationship for a certain period of time before they They stop right this they kind of give up on that whole idea of doing that not because Not because they don't want a relationship with you But they're scared of scared to death of getting put into the friend zone of of making a move A lot of guys are so scared of getting put into the friend zone that they won't even make a move, right? They won't go for the kiss they won't do things to try to push the relationship forward or show more like Concrete evidence that they're actually interested in you because they're scared that you're gonna say You know what? Let's just be friends, right? So doing nothing You know, it's good if you're in a situation where you're doing everything and you need to you know Revaluate what you're doing in the relationship where the relationships going is this guy interested in me You know, um, you know is this guy investing himself into the relationship? So If if if that's your situation then yes You might want to completely do nothing for a minute and just see kind of get a gauge for You know, what kind of effort the man that you're dating is doing in the relationship or maybe, you know You go out on a date and a lot of times women will you know They'll try to kind of take charge of the conversation and they'll get so kind of Boddled up and how they're doing and whether they're doing it right and all these things and it's so much better just to like Just to it's better to do nothing than to do too much, right? But at the same time like I said, you also want to be showing interest you also, you know It's not a bad thing to do stuff, right? That was another question that we got in the community was like, you know, is it is it bad that I sent him a text message? Is it bad that I Initiated a call with him. Is it bad that you know, I I sent him a gift or I gave him something or you know I scheduled this event It's not a bad thing if it's once in a while if there's you know Investment that the guy is making in the relationship as well, you know, one of the things we talked about in the In the community was this idea of investment, right? There's a question that came up where Somebody was asking You know, well, I was talking to this guy and he said that he likes it when women chase him Right and then I talked to this other guy and he said that he liked it when women chase him as well You know, should I be chasing men and the answer is not if you want a committed relationship, right? So I used to be a men's dating coach and I taught men and I worked with men for a long long time And guess what we taught men the same thing that we teach women in terms of investment Right if you want a girlfriend as a guy if you're dating you're out there dating and you're meeting girls And you want a girlfriend you want a girl to invest in you Why because it makes her feel like she's really in the relationship It makes her feel like she's committed and she's more likely to become your girlfriend If you're in that situation, I know a lot of women come to our community and they're like oh guys Just want sex guys don't want anything real and the reality is is that it's both ways right now in especially in American culture is that a Lot of women They just want sex. They don't want anything real. They want to hook up with a whole bunch of guys I went and talked to a bunch of guys about this stuff not too long ago And that was one of the biggest complaints that they had You know and it's funny to hear that because a lot of women so many women in our community are like Oh guys, you know don't want anything. Well, it's it's really it's going both ways right now You know, we're in the age of the hookup culture and guys aren't just hooking up with other guys, right? They're hooking up with women and so there's a huge Portion of women out there that are just hooking up with guys that aren't looking for anything serious because let's be real here You know having a serious relationship. It takes work. You know and if you've got a lot of pain from your past If you've been broken up with which a lot of women have a lot of men and women have You know, most people are running around with baggage. You know, we all have relationships that we've That that we've gone through where we've gotten hurt at least most of us almost everybody I've talked to there's very few rare people that haven't and so you know getting into a real relationship and You know having something that lasts a long time. There's work that's required there You know and a lot of people don't want to do that work because It's so much easier just to be in this kind of superficial You know, like let's not get deep. Let's just hook up and have fun kind of culture So if you're new here, if you're just joining our Livestream right now make sure that you say hi in the chat. I really appreciate that. Hola Diana Valentine's Day he So pray says Valentine's Day. He texts to me. We just good friends Okay I stand alone. Hi new here. Thanks for being here. Thanks for being here on our chat in the middle of the night in America, I know it's it's early This is a weird. This is a weird time for me to do a livestream But I just felt kind of compelled to do one right now And so I just wanted to jump on here and do a livestream real quick So we've been talking about two things so far. I'm going to wrap this up not too long from now and You know, one of the things that we've been talking about is leaning back Is that you know, it's doing nothing. Okay, and it you know, it depends on the situation Leaning back does not necessarily mean doing nothing It there's this concept that I talk about in some of my programs That's called the invitation right and The invitation is this idea where You invite a man To pursue you you invite a man to come chase you, you know And and that is the best because men men want to you know, they want to please you they want to Provide for you they want to protect you It's a part of our biological nature that we want to Take care of things, you know, and there's a lot of men these days, especially in America who are They they've they haven't really grown up, you know There's a lot of men and women In in our culture these days who haven't really grown up and they're still kind of in this, you know, childhood thing where they haven't kind of come into their masculinity and started you know Taking the role of being a man in our culture, right like taking care of things providing for themselves and other people you know, um, you know going after what they want in life and that kind of thing and But you know, if you give a man room to do that if you kind of lean back and you Put yourself in kind of this Feminine receiving position and you allow a man to take on that masculine position And then you invite him and encourage him to do things that makes him Take on that role and start moving forward and becoming the Pursuer in the relationship Most men will actually take that on I can't tell you how many women that have come through our community where We've taught them some of these principles like leaning back and you know getting into their feminine energy and You know getting into their emotions and inviting men to come and pursue them and then watching how The men in their lives go from possibly being even a little bit more on the Feminine or kind of middle ground side to Taking the masculine role in the relationship and feeling a lot more comfortable a lot of the women There was actually just a post the other day in our community from this woman who said that She's been practicing the leaning back principle and all of a sudden she said she went to her It was like her chiropractor or her doctor or something And that person was telling her that you know, she's so much more relaxed. This is the most relaxed. She's ever been Coming to their their office and it's It's true. It's it's a powerful It's a powerful way to Your shock that i'm that i'm live right now. It's a powerful way to Allow a man to kind of step up and take the role Of the masculine figure in your relationship and so Those are the first two things that we're talking about so Doing doing nothing Um can be a good is a good indication you can use it as a good indication Of where the relationship is right now how invested the man is in you in the relationship right now Um and the myth about not showing interest, right? You don't want to be overbearing With showing interest, but you want to do an invitation. You want to invite him You want to show him that you're sexually interested in him, especially if it's brand new in the relationship, right? You're you're on a date and you like this guy Um, you don't want to make it all about sex, right? You want to do other things talk about other Topics have conversations that have more depth and breath to them but um If he doesn't feel like he's going to be getting into a romantic relationship with you There's a good chance that he's just going to disappear completely And so uh, you do want to show interest you want to show different types of interest and you want to What you what I call leading him on right you want to lead him on? Um I actually have a whole uh text message um Report that I created not too long ago that you can get inside of our inner circle program If you're interested in it all, uh, there's a link in the description You can get a 30 day free trial to our inner circle program where you can get this document that talks about How to lead a guy on through text messages and um, there's a whole bunch of other text messages in that document as well it's called um It's uh, I can't even remember the name of it right now. It's like feminine texting secrets men create Um, and it's a great document if you haven't joined our inner circle program you should it's pretty awesome um and so, uh You love my advice. I appreciate that Nisi sorry if I put your your name Sometimes I butcher the names on here Um, how do we know if a guy is still interested if you rejected him a while back? And he is dating someone now That's a good question. I'll talk about that in a minute and um Yes, you are good. Thank you. Thank you um, so The next one that I wanted to talk about is this thing that has been going around in our community Where women have been asking Do men just want sex? Right? So There's a lot of women who get online or they get on to tinder or bumble or one of those kind of online dating app things and They find that they're getting bombarded with men who Just want sex. So do men just want sex and the answer is absolutely not in fact sex To a man isn't even just about sex. It's not just for most men It's not just about kind of the physical pleasure of having sex It's there's also a deeper kind of emotional thing that goes on And if you talk to some of the women in our community Because I've run into this situation over and over and over again Is that some women? Um Run into men that don't even try to have sex with them, right? I was actually talking to someone About a couple weeks ago where she had a situation where this guy Kept driving down about an hour away to go on dates with her and she was like You know, is this guy even actually interested in me? and You know, you know, he keeps going on these dates But he's never tried to make a move at all with me And the answer is absolutely He's still interested in you, right? He's attempt. He's making these huge. He's investing, right? He's driving an hour to come and visit you. He's going on these long dates You know, he's probably a nice guy, which is why he hasn't made a move on you But absolutely he's he's interested in you and why why would a man do this? Why would a man drive an hour to come see a woman? Not even try to kiss her not not try to make any move on her and just spend some time with her because Men want things because there's a lot of things that men want other than sex, right? Um, there's this thing called the uh There's this thing called the um Oh, I just lost my train of thought. Okay, men Men don't want so yeah, so so um Men don't just want sex, right? They they want lots of different. Oh the love languages. That's what I was going to be talking about So there's a thing called the the five love languages, right? And and um You know men want things emotionally and you know the different like, you know If a guy hangs out with you and he feels good He feels like he's getting some of his love languages fulfilled Right, he might hang out with you just for that Right guys hang out with other guys for friendship. They some guys hang out with women just for friendship and uh guys, you know, I know guys that um, you know, they don't even try to hook up with women They just want to sleep in the same bed with a woman or they just want to cuddle with a woman Right because it fulfills a whole bunch of different emotional needs You know, if if a guy in our culture or at least in american culture, there's a thing where um You know a lot of people aren't we're one of the most individualistic nations in the world, right? And so a lot of people don't touch each other, right? I grew up In my family without a whole bunch of touch and my primary love language is physical touch, you know And so um growing out without have getting hugs and not without getting that type of love Can be really kind of detrimental to a person's health And if you come into adulthood and you're in this situation and maybe you don't even know That your primary love language is physical touch But you don't get physical touch from that many people in your life You know some guys will go out just to you know get that physical touch or or if your love language is words of affirmation You know, maybe you go out and you hang out with somebody and they say nice things to you and you just love to have um You know be around that kind of a thing or sometimes deep conversations, right? So um A guy might go and hang out with a woman and let's say that you love deep conversations too And you guys get into these amazing wonderful deep conversations And maybe he's a really nice guy, um, which there's a lot of a lot of these really nice guys out there who don't Who try not to you know, rock the boat or make too many moves because they don't want to be put into the friend zone And maybe he doesn't want to be taught, you know, doesn't want you to disappear on them Believe it or not women are Much more likely to ghost men than men are to ghost women It's a fact there is a study that was done about this and so a men He might be hanging out with you because he just wants to get these deep conversations And maybe he does want something more with you But he's afraid that you're going to disappear on him And so he just hangs out and gets kind of this emotional refill from you Every time you guys hang out, you know, whether it's from deep emotional conversations Whether it's from words of affirmation some kind of physical touch or um, you know, maybe Being in service with another person maybe having quality time with another person because when you go out on a date, right? You're like you just hang out with another person And if that person isn't like sitting on their phone or something you're getting your quality time Uh piece filled here. So um all right, so I'm gonna answer a couple questions here. Can you define feminine energy? Uh, sure. So there's a couple different types of things that happen Where okay, so so let's talk about the polarities, right? So there's masculine and feminine polarities and I actually did a whole live stream on this you can get um You can find that on our channel. I think it's one of the bigger live streams Um, also, I just wanted to mention again If you guys want personal one-on-one help if you want somebody to talk to you about your situation in a completely anonymous setting so if you want to have um Questions answered in an anonymous setting where nobody will know who you are You should sign up for our inner circle program. There's a free trial 30 days free trial um, and there's a link in the description so you can Click on that and uh get a get our free trial for our goddess club or our inner circle program Which has a whole bunch of different things in it as well. We created this thing called the uh devotion The keys to his devotion master class you get that for free in that program as well. There's um Selene talks about some different sexual and intimacy related topics in there and I I give you some text messages that are really really powerful some Feminine text messages that you can use in that inner circle program. There's a link in the description. So, um Feminine and masculine polarities, right? So if you want a guide to be really attracted to you uh, one of the ways that you can do that and you can do it forever without Straining yourself without putting yourself into without, you know, getting a whole bunch of anxiety around it without having to play games all the time Um, without having to manipulate a man or trying to make a man Trying to be someone that you're not right is to step into your feminine energy and I hear a lot of women Talk about how you know, oh, I'm not I don't have any feminine energy And I don't have a feminine part of myself. We all have a masculine and feminine part of ourselves, right? We we can all kind of Get into those different sides, right the masculine side is very hard It's the directed it's the side that a lot of people get into a lot of women are getting into these days for work, right? It's the analytical Kind of numbers the moving forward the you know going after what you want kind of side It's it's hard. It's rigid. It's forward moving The feminine side is the soft side. It's the It's the light side. It's the chaotic side. It's the It's the creative side, right whenever you're in your creative mind and you're doing things whenever you're Connecting with people or connecting with nature or connecting with animals You're connecting with your feminine side, right and we all have that I don't care who you are you've got that and um for men, it's more difficult generally to really dive deep into that feminine side and uh for women generally it unless they've been kind of Put into this ritualistic habit of getting into a masculine side. It can Be really empowering for women Even if they have had experiences like that because a lot of women find that We we've had a lot of women tell us that they feel So empowered by getting into their feminine side because a lot of society right now kind of shames In attacks femininity it shames and attacks women for being feminine But kind of promotes men for to be feminine. It's a weird. We're in a weird time right now in america um and a lot of women are telling us that you know taking on some of these principles of just leaning back and kind of getting into these feminine Kind of traits and just getting into their body and feeling themselves and you know letting go and just You know allowing themselves to be and to flow and to be soft and to you know connect with nature and people and you know just being connected um has been really has uh help them Loosen the amount of stress that they have it's helped them kind of Feel a lot better about themselves and their lives and they found that they've been a lot more attractive to men And not only are they a lot more attractive to men, but when a man Comes into your space and you're in your feminine energy He's more likely to invest in you from a emotional mental spiritual financial An energy standpoint and the more invested he is in you the more likely he is to commit to you It's also incredible. I mean it's beautiful like for a man men kind of like when women are in this role sometimes men just Especially in this day and age where it's much more rare to see a woman and her feminine energy A lot of men will just sit there and just kind of watch they'll be in this kind of a watcher role and they're they're just um What they're doing is they're just uh Admiring right they're admiring and they're cherishing this beauty That this beautiful feminine energy that they get to witness right they go into this kind of witness role And they get to experience this thing that they don't Have quite the same connection to as women do as most women do And they just witness it and they experience it and they they you know, they they're mystified by it, right? It's this mysterious thing to most men and they're just like wow This is amazing and beautiful and it's just you know, like you want to just grab it and hold it and hug it You know and kiss it because it's just this beautiful amazing thing that um, you know Makes the world a better place and makes the world happier and beautiful and and it kind of polls or distracts a man from his purpose and allows him to enjoy and and um Kind of experience this wonder and glow of life that he doesn't normally get to experience Um, I hope that uh, I hope that Explanation, um is good. I kind of went off on a tangent there Okay, so What else do we have here? Um I just wanted to mention again if uh, if you guys want to have your questions answered in a um in a Anonymous private way You should join our inner circle program Like I said, there's a whole bunch of content in the new inner circle program and there's a 30 day free trial So there's really nothing to lose you can go and check it out and why are we doing the three the uh You need a cigarette right now um And why are we doing the 30 day free trial because we we think that if you join our program and Get to experience a lot of the stuff that we have in there You'll really like it and you'll want to stay in the program and become a member and You know join our community and be part of what we've got going on here and if if you're um If you're If you go and check it out and you like it, you know, we want to grow our community here We're we're on a mission right now to uh to heal the war between the sexes to bring men and women together in partnership because Partnership is one of the most empowering ways that you can have a relationship right now There's a huge divide between men and women. There's a lot of pain out there. There's a lot of anger There's a lot of frustration. There's a lot of sadness And we want to heal that stuff. We want to create a better world For relationships. We believe that there's a better way to have relationships between men and women and it's through partnership and so We want as many people to join our community as possible and be a part of this mission to heal ourselves and Create better relationships with each other I'm black. Am I allowed to be in this chat room? Of course you are Uh What other questions do we have here? So how do we know if a guy is still interested? If you rejected him a while back and he is dating someone else now well So nida Uh, let's just talk about this for a second, right? So there's a situation where it's okay to kind of find out and learn about whether a guy's still interested And there's a situation where it's not okay, right? We don't want to be Home home records here In uh in our community what we do want to do is if he's still interested What I would do if I were you is I would um, I would do the invitation thing that I was talking about before where you you kind of give him a reason to Um to continue the chat with you you give him an indication that you want him To pursue you or chase you or invest in you in some way and when you do that you just That's when you lean back, right? You it's like there's a methodology for this, right? And what it is is you um, give an invitation And then you see what he does and that's a gauge for understanding where he is in Uh this whole scheme of things So if he's interested and you send him an invitation, right? You give him some kind of indication that you want him To pursue you or chase you or invest in you or whatever And he does then he's still interested if he doesn't then Um, he's probably lost interest or maybe his interest has gone somewhere else You know if there's somebody else that he's dating, but you know, let's be honest here Let's just be real here. Um, you know, we we live in a very strange time Where people are dating lots of other people and sometimes people date people because They just want to be with somebody not because uh, that's the person that they want to be with But because the person they wanted to be with isn't really interested in them or ghosted them or You know, uh, stop showing interest or stopped responding or whatever And so they ended up with somebody else and so, um Yeah, that's it. How long have we gone here? So we've gone 38 minutes um, so yeah So we need more great secure men like oh, thank you. I appreciate that. I appreciate that um So he said that he needs your presence Uh, it depends on what so cactus jane says because you tell me what that means He said he just needs my presence Um, it depends on what he I it depends. So It depends on the context, right? So the your presence What he could be talking about Is there's two there's two different meanings for the word presence, right? So the first word meaning for the word presence Is your actual physical body, right? So if he said I need your presence And what he was talking about was in context to you know, some kind of event Or wanting to go on a date or something like that what he means is that he Enjoys or connects with you being there with him and he wants to be there with you there's a second type of context for the word presence and the second type of meaning that it has Is this meaning of like being mentally present, right? So it's like um having a conversation it's like when you have a conversation with somebody and You know when you're having a conversation and the person's not even listening to you They're like in their own mind or they're just waiting to say something That is the lack of presence, right? And so the It's the absence of presence so being present in that kind of scenario is Paying attention to what somebody's saying and listening to them and you know repeating back and you know Being there with them in that moment and experiencing that moment with them Um, so that's the second type of presence And so it really depends on what the context of the conversation was For why he'd say I need your presence But either one of them is a good thing Right, uh, if if he's saying that he liked your presence and he wants more of it Um It might not be a good thing if you're like on a date and he's like hey, I want your presence Right because you're like, you know on your phone or like, you know not paying attention or whatever that could be It could be a bad thing um and so, uh Okay, after a 17 year relationship and four children. Why was it so easy for him to walk away? You know, it's it's interesting. There's a lot of there's a lot of people that just walk away from things Um, if it's if it's just men tend to be less likely to just walk away From a relationship like that women are actually statistically speaking about three times more likely to walk away than a man is um Which is kind of interesting, but why would a man walk away? Why would it be so easy? It probably wasn't easy um, but he probably did it anyway Uh, I mean unless he's a sociopath or something Um, but if he walked away from a relationship where he has four children and he's been in it for 17 years It probably wasn't an easy decision and it probably wasn't easy for him And he probably had a lot of pain and he probably Had been experiencing that pain for a long long time And it wasn't brought to attention and it wasn't dealt with and so what ended up happening was The pain became so great and he saw some Some way to relieve that pain and something that what he felt would Give him a better life and give him more experience now I'm sorry to hear that uh, you have a situation where you were in a relationship for 17 years With four children and that he walked away. That's uh, that sucks and and I'm sorry to hear that um So my ex and I have not spoken in a couple months as I have been leaning back Uh, should I reach out or continue leaning back and let him reach out to me? I still love him Um, so my ex and I have not spoken in a couple months. Um, you know, you can you can do that, um Depending on The situation that you're in, uh, you can you can reach out feelers there if you've you know, I'm not sure Why you haven't spoken in several months, you know, if you're going through a system. We have a system on our website about Working with x's and so if you're working through a system right now, you should work through that system Whatever that system is I know that it's easy to get kind of distracted and look for other answers If you're not going through a system Then uh, you can always just you know throw some feelers out there Like I was talking about earlier with kind of the invitation the invitation to invest Right and just find out if he's uh interested in talking or not You know a lot of guys are you know sometimes it depends on the situation. It depends on why you guys broke up Right if there is some kind of deal breaker there Uh, what that means is that uh, did you work on the problem that you had that broke you guys up? Right. Have you worked on that problem or have you not worked on that problem? If you haven't worked on that problem and it's a deal breaker and it's why you guys broke up Then you need to work on that problem before you do anything else. Uh, you know, just let's be frank about this Um, and then once you have worked on that problem, then it's easier to Come back to that situation when you're in a place of kind of empowered of feeling better of you know, uh What whatever it is. I don't know what your situation is. So it's hard to kind of talk about that Uh, you're welcome. You're welcome for answering your question And like I said, if you want to have your questions answered, but anonymously by one of our coaches Um, Anya specifically is doing the question and answer right now We have a free 30 day trial where you can get your Questions answered for free and a bunch of our best content By joining our inner circle free trial right now. It's a 30 day free trial. Nothing to lose There's a link in the description. Go check it out My suggestion is that you join it and just check it out and see if you like it and if you don't like it You know, you can always leave it. Um And uh, but you can get your questions answered in an anonymous setting. So whatever your questions are You can ask them there and it's a great Uh, a great place. We've got tons and tons of questions that have been answered by Um, Helena and Anya about many many different situations in there You can go and check out some of the other situations that might be similar to yours if you're afraid of asking a question Okay, I feel my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable Is there a way to address this not that I want to challenge him but Not that I want to challenge him, but yes, I do. Can he ever become emotionally available? um Yeah, he can become emotionally available and Um, it depends on you know, why he's not emotionally available, you know, is he not emotionally available because of uh, some kind of emotional pain that he's dealt with in the past right if That's the situation what he needs is um to get through that and to reassociate Being in a relationship or being in a relationship with a woman or being in a relationship, uh, uh, a romantic relationship As something that he can emotionally connect with If it's deep enough, he might need like therapy or something. Um, it just really depends on the situation It depends on him. Um, it could be something really simple Right, like if he's in a situation where he's not emotionally available because he has to Because he's working all the time and He puts so much energy into his work that he comes into a situation with you and he's just exhausted Uh, that's actually, you know, believe it or not That's actually an easier thing to work with because what he needs is rejuvenation not Like emotional healing, which is a much deeper more painful And many times something that a lot of people don't want to go through and deal with So it kind of depends on the situation, but uh, yeah, you can um You know, it's not that you you uh You know, you need to change him or anything Um, but there are some reassociations that he can make like reframings I talk about this idea of reframing in one of my programs Um, where you kind of frame different ideas the way that you want them to be Um, if he has a frame right now that you know, if I get emotional Or I get too invested or I get connected too much with a woman that I'm going to get hurt then he might um He might disassociate his emotions with a woman So he might not try to get emotionally involved with you because he doesn't want to get hurt Um, it is possible to reframe that I don't have a program that discusses that type of level of reframing if that is what it is I I don't know since um, it's hard to know what your situation is Uh past hurt divorce. Yeah, um, you know, so it's it's one of those things where he either needs to Do some healing work or there needs to be a strong reframing of The relationship and so a strong reframing what that looks like usually is Reassociating you uh distancing the um the frame that maybe all women or women in general might hurt me To this new frame of you know, that woman Hurt me or that relationship hurt me or that situation hurt me or um My actions in that situation hurt me because of whatever and A new association with you where he's experiencing Uh, you know powerful emotions that make him overcome his fears of Uh being hurt and so I know that probably that might have been complicated. I don't know if that was Too complicated of an answer. You're probably like just give me something to say to him You know, that's what I want. Um So Okay, let's see here. So, uh, we're going pretty long here Um, I just want to say one more time inner circle free trial if you want to go and Get your questions answered in an anonymous setting. You should join our inner circle free trial programs 30 days free Um, so you can go and check that out and get A free help from one of our coaches who is brilliant. She's brilliant at what she does and It's absolutely amazing. There's a whole bunch of extra content in there that you can read. There's articles. There's videos. There's um text messages, you know text messages that really connect with men there's a whole program about Getting devotion from a man and keeping a guy that's in there. Um, there's uh videos saline did a bunch of videos for the program about um About emotions about uh intimacy about sex about reconnecting with a man that you've um That's maybe grown distant from you. Uh, she's really good at that stuff So if you want to check that out, there's a link in the description. It's the inner circle program So that's all the time that I have for today. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you Being in our chat. Uh, you are the best part of our community. So thank you so much for being being here with me and uh, thank you for trusting us and giving you information and um, you know, I wish you all uh great success in your love lives And I will speak with you again soon