 Well, today we're going to talk about the five signs. He loves you and he wants to become serious about you So I recently got a message On my YouTube comments, and I just want to quickly read it to you I have to put on my trusty glasses. I should have just memorized it But it said I wish I could find a man that will put in as much effort as I do I wish I could find a man who would put in as much effort as I do and I recognize that a lot of women feel Like they put way more effort into the relationship than men. I think that's predominantly because throughout history I mean literally since Neanderthal days women on some level have been dependence upon men In other words for survival for protection for just even you know to be fed and whatnot So I and that really goes up until about 50 to 60 years ago for the most part women have always been in a Codependent relationship with men So I can understand why and I'm not saying this is an absolute This is just an observation I have but I can understand why Many women feel like they put in more effort because in some ways literally it's biological for them or its Instinctual excuse me that they nurture the relationship more so than men because men were out there hunting and providing and protecting and that sort of thing and Women were the nurturers. So they oftentimes nurtured the relationship more than the men did And I know most women would prefer that to not exist And so I think it's important for women in particular to understand the three types of men Who are in the active dating pool the three types of men who are in the active dating pool today Now again my channel is for those in midlife which is after baby making years and before retirement So most of my audience is between 42 and 69 although a lot of 20 and 30 year olds watch my content I just want to differentiate really quickly with the the chart. I'm about to show you The three types of men in the dating pool. I think it's important to recognize that men in their 20s and early 30s often times When they genuinely are on the hunt for a mother for the mother of their children They operate a little bit differently than those in the midlife category because roughly about 75% of singles over 40 five years old are divorced So it's just you have to recognize that there is a big difference for those who have gone through divorce Versus those that are are just in the beginning stage of their life They're basically like a blank sheet of paper and yet as we age, you know, we accumulate we call it baggage But we accumulate a lot of luggage in our lives and because of this luggage because of these experiences Oftentimes men fall into these three categories. So I wanted to show you my newest chart I tried to print this out, but my printer isn't working. So I want you to see here It says three types of men three types of men in the dating pool and you can see in the first category It says users. Oh, by the way really quickly. This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion And the next category are spenders and the next category are growers and I roughly say that users represent about 20% of this this scale Spenders spend 60% and growers spend about or excuse me not spend are about 60% of the male population And the growers are 20% and I'm probably being a little bit generous with the growers So let's talk about the users for a second. The users are men They oftentimes come on strong their love bombers their players They really are only in the dating process for their own needs being met I repeat that they're in the dating process for their own needs being met which quite frankly Everybody dates from their own perspective first men do this women do this It's just natural to want to get your needs met the users are mostly in the need of of feeling a bit of superiority and control And that's why they come on strong so they can be in control their players They're very suave and charming. They can be in control and it's usually a short lived dopamine hit for them I repeat that a short lived dopamine hit for them In fact to some degrees, it's very much like the hunting process You go out and hunt you catch your food and then once you've caught the food the dopamine is over You went to war you fought the enemy and you survived the dopamine as soon as that's over And even the seduction of a woman back in caveman days because there's this fantasy that men were these You know totally chivalrous beings at caveman days. I mean like where is that? I mean not that I've heard that per se, but I I feel like ladies have this fantasy about men being Ridiculously chivalrous. Look at the Darcy's of the world in pride and prejudice That was a fucking movie and those were noble people And by the way noble people could be big time fucking jackasses Noble people could be big time fucking jackasses So and you know common people oftentimes could have been had more class than noble people Okay, so that's the users Now I'm going to talk about the growers for a second These are men who and I think I'm being generous when I say it's about 20 of the population But these are the men who genuinely want commitment with someone they genuinely want commitment And they've come to terms that they're ready to take care of someone I repeat that they're ready to take care of someone Now Much like the man in their 20s and 30s They're seeking a wife when a man makes that decision to actually say I'm ready to at least take care of someone or commingle with someone else and build from there hence why they're called growers and builders Okay When they reach that mental mindset before they ever date they operate from a completely different premise They operate from a place of intentionality They actually are willing to do the work to actually build the roots for trust They act and they're not driven by their penis They're driven by their heart. Those are the growers and I know you all women covet that The reality is is you have an 80 chance or greater of meeting the spender or the user the spenders are men who are seeking connection And companionship and coupling or sex. Okay commit Connection companionship coupling or and or sex without any direction without any intentionality without any Clear desire of commitment and while they might say they want a relationship Well a relationship can be connection companionship and sex But it doesn't necessarily mean commitment In fact, a lot of men will say I don't know what I want. Well And now here's the thing in this in this illustration. I have we have the spectrum Okay So in the spender category, which is probably the highest percentage the Where you're probably picking from they could either be closer to the spectrum of users or they could be closer to the spectrum of Growers, okay Now this is why I created a private coaching program By the way, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My whole coaching program has helped you to this to ask the right questions to determine Is he the user the spender or the grower? So check out the link for a free discovery call with me I help you formulate the questions based on your personality based on your personality And and your genuine desires in relationship because not every woman wants the same thing So now you've been doing your work. You're starting to date someone How can you determine if he's if he genuinely loves you and wants to become serious? Because it's going to either be the growers that are going to want to become serious Or those spenders that are right on the edge of becoming a grower those spenders that are and and really it's It's you that takes them into that next category And we've talked about that in other videos as well so The five signs i'm going to put on my trusty glasses my printer broke right beforehand, so I couldn't pull out my notes But I have it here. Uh, I got on my phone So how you can tell if he wants to become serious is after you've had sex with a man and by the way if you're not familiar with my um Uh Now i'm i'm going to go off on a tangent like you all hate when I do because some people say Jonathan get to the point Get to the point. I fucking offer incredibly rich content in the beginning before I actually give the actual clue Or the the list I have. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape um But um, it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust with a human being So just remember that it's important to build the friendship With a lot of kissing going on. Okay the friendship with a lot of kissing going on and invest a good 50 60 100 hours of face to face time just to build a layer of trust now trust doesn't necessarily always mean fidelity I mean it's part of it We're talking about can you trust this person cares about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings? That's more critically important Okay, so coming back to this you've been dating a guy for a while You know, you've been having regular sex. How can you tell if he really wants to become serious with you? Well, number one He makes effort to spend more time with you the men who actually make effort to spend more time are Genuinely like you they enjoy your company. They they they want to interact with you That's a great sign when they're making like, you know, you in the beginning you see each other twice a week And he goes I want to see you three times a week. I want to see you four times a week I want to take you on a trip. I want to spend more time with you That's a great sign that he loves you and he wants to become more serious with you. Okay number two He introduces you to family and friends. He introduces you to family and friends now. Here's the tricky part of this Some men who are users will actually use that as a tool to demonstrate a level of Of seriousness So remember I said these are signs that you see after you've been in this, you know, you've begun begun the The more serious or you begin to spend more time with each other and again If you've invested by the way, the users are usually gone in a short period of time They're not going to make it to a hundred hours most of them now Spenders will spenders will the people and by the way, the reason why I call it spenders There's they're just you're spending time with each other. You're not growing and building something together so So I just want you to know that if a guy wants to introduce you to his family and friends really quickly And he's coming on strong that is not a sign that he wants to become serious That could merely just be a fake out. Okay um And what I mean by fake out and that didn't that shouldn't have warranted a laugh there But um, he's pulling the wool over your eyes or at least be cautious of that Remember ladies men are the gas. You're the brakes. Okay Number three He wants to hear about hear about your feelings. He wants to hear how you feel and he's considerate of your feelings Okay, ladies I know you feel you feel a great amount a considerable amount of fear sharing your feelings if you haven't read my book already What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of person By the way, there's a link below to jonathan recommends book This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work chapter one speak your truth Do it with kindness chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person So if a man genuinely wants to hear about your feelings and he's consider of your feelings, that's a great sign That's a great sign. Don't be afraid to speak up. It's that fear that oftentimes is the block Because that fear of speaking your truth is the wall between the two of you ladies I encourage you to lean into your feelings now. You don't vomit your feelings You don't vomit insecurities and fears, but you express how you feel about each other But jonathan i'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let him claim me folks, I do that joke because That is such nonsense. I'm here about recommending empowered energy Not masculine and feminine energy if you're not familiar with the book if the buddha dated if the buddha dated I highly recommend checking this out This book It throws out the bullshit gender rhetorics that you've heard for you know throughout history Throw out the bullshit gender rhetoric and start connecting at a heart center level You will actually by doing so you're actually creating the neurons Of deeper love with a man when you can approach it from a heart centered space instead of a fear based centered space number four He apologizes if there's any misunderstanding or conflict. He doesn't get defensive He apologizes if there's any in other words if there's conflict He doesn't he doesn't get defensive. That's the main thing if there's friction between the two of you He doesn't get defensive Okay, men who get defensive women who get it's natural to want to defend oneself but If there is some issue between the two of you he's working. He wants to solve the problem Okay, he knows how to fight fair Fighting fair means he listens to your point of view and he accepts your point of view as being true for you And you do the same for him Okay, by the way ladies You're just as bad at this process the emotional maturity level and relationship skills level for men and women And women and women can be equally as bad and by the way, I finally did create a new chart Okay, my emotional maturity relationship skills chart Okay, you can see I roughly say about 20 of the population is clinical issues These are people that sadly could be sociopaths could be narcissist. Uh, they might have borderline personality People that bipolar are actually can with medication work on that but they have clinical issues Doesn't mean that by the way, this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion And while I say 20 of the population has healthy relationships goes in emotional maturity I'm being ridiculously generous with that percentage because the vast majority if are dysfunctional Hence why the users the spenders and the growers Okay, and this is women as well There are user women. There are spender women and there are grower women all of you ladies think you're growers That's this is why folks sometimes when I yell at women I I get some complaints from many of you or for some of you I should say that I'm being abusive to women when I yell It's because I'm yelling at delusional thinking hypocrisy And victim consciousness. Let me repeat that delusional thinking hypocrisy and victim consciousness and quite frankly when I'm yelling I'm yelling at myself because I can be delusional I can be hypocritical and I can be in victim consciousness This is this is the dysfunctionality of us human beings the dysfunctional relationship skills are people that get defensive Those people that stonewall in relationship those that are critical and those that have contempt Just to name a few and then let's not even get into the abandonment and fear and trust issues people have That's where the dysfunctionality comes from. How does it happen? Childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that have gone unhealed Childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that have gone unhealed if you're not familiar with the book The hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing those wounds because the reality is is I I don't care if you've had the most amazing parents in the in your life and believe me those don't exist okay Even people that had relatively happy childhood can have significant dysfunction that happened in their childhood So this is the delusional piece that everybody thinks they're better this by the way We operate from a specialness here in the united states Especially here in the united states that each person thinks that they're not That they're better than someone else on in other words that they don't need the work I'm already perfect just the way I am and I know you have all these fears That's in there as well But there's this delusion that oh the men need the work the men need the work the men need the work Well, they don't see those three fingers pointing back at them That's why I yell and I scream and it's just to be the wake-up call It's kind of reaching your primal place in your life that primal place in your life where you go Fuck it. Snap out of it. Just like share said to nicolas cage and moonstruck snap out of it And that's why I yell okay, um number five He progresses the relationship forward meaning you're not feeling doubt The truth is when you're with a man who loves you and wants to become serious You're not feeling doubt You don't even need to watch this video when you're with that guy Because you're already experiencing a level of trust and trust again Is he care you care about each other's feelings as much as you care about your own feelings? That is deep trust so What's the solution for all of this folks? Stop being naive to some fantasy way of dating this Lean back in your feminine and let the man be chivalrous We are dealing with so much dysfunctionality and at the same time There are growers out there and there are those men who are spenders that just need a little bit of a push And if you need some help with that reach out to me because that's my area of expertise So just to remind you those five Signs he loves you and wants to become serious. He makes effort to spend more time with you He introduces you to family and friends. He wants to hear how you feel and he's considered to your feelings He apologizes if there's misunderstandings or conflicts and he progresses the relationship forward Meaning you're not feeling doubt By the way, this is my teddy bear and it actually was a gift from a client of mine and it has a crystal heart sewn inside Inside of here. So what a very special gift. Oh, by the way, this is not my bedroom. This is actually my couch Many of you might notice that I'm in a new setting today. So I thought I'd mix it up today My coffee mug says I don't want to work anymore. I just want to be cherished put up on a pedestal and taken care of So before we take questions today By the way, did this make sense that this resonate with you if it did write the words amen that lets me know that this this the Topic portion of this video Has just or even say this made a difference in my life. You're making a difference. Amen. Please let me know in the comments And um, certainly i'm going to do my best now. This is the q&a portion of it During the q&a portion. I'd like you to write the word question And oh by the way before I go any further If this content resonates, please hit that like button. Please subscribe. Please hit that bell Please post a comment. I'd really be grateful. Please share this with friends Okay, if you have a question post the word question write the word question write the question there after or you can purchase a super stick or super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box for those that are listening to the live stream of this If you're listening to that Uh replay or listening to the audio you won't be able to see that in that dollar sign All the monies from the super stick or super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of connor right there. Oh That's connor right there He's my son who passed away I can't believe it's coming on four years four years ago. He passed away And in his honor, I donate to charities like the hoffman process And insight seminars I'd be truly grateful if you would support That scholarship fund in his name. So thank you so much. So let's start looking at questions Oh, I see a lot of amens and resonating amen resonating Apologizing is huge. Don't we all uh coffee cup? By the way, this might sound narcissistic. This was a gift to me. So I Love these that's all mugs. You can go on amazon and find them, but they're they don't have too many left I'm I think I bought them all if anyone wants to buy me a new one. I'd be so grateful. Send it to my office I do appreciate all the gifts. So let's see if we have any questions Oh liz says The yelling is genuine and like you say you can't say the wrong thing to the right person I also say you can't say yell for emphasis wrongly to a crowd. Oh, that's really interesting. Thank you so much Gray is one of my favorite colors. I don't know what that means You've made a difference in my life. You've helped me understand what a healthy relationship. Amen. All right, we have our first question Question do you think you have to be in love with each other before having sex? No, you don't have to do anything. So no, you don't I don't believe you have to where's my other pillow Um, hold on a second I don't think you have to be in love with each other, but I certainly think before having sex I think it's important to define what it is you're both looking for be radically honest with each other And the hard part is when a man says I'm looking for a relationship Well, what the fuck does that mean? So let me tell you what a relationship looks like for me to illustrate this I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life Did I say traveling? Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married. That's what I want Crystal clear So let's just assume you say I want a relationship and it means that and a man says I want a relationship But he hasn't stated what it means. So in his mind, he's like, well, I want to see her at my beck and call I want to have sex when we get together and you know, I might You know, I'm just those are the main two things I want. That's a relationship If you don't define what a relationship is then how do you know you're right for each other? How do you know you're right for each other? So this is why you guys are so fucking clueless. This is why I say before the I'm sorry to judge cluelessness, but you are Before the penis goes inside the vagina read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman That's what you do before you have sex you read this fucking book and I got to tell you I have women writing me over and over again telling me how this is making a difference in their life So don't be naive to this because the reality is is these days We're meeting Strangers check out this book talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. We're meeting strangers. We don't know about their values We don't know about their lifestyle. We don't know their emotional maturity So don't focus on love Focus on getting to know each other So I'm going to change gears for a second here And I'm going to share something personal with y'all y'all I'm not southern, but I just felt like saying that So about three months ago. I met a woman through instagram and And then I saw her on a dating app and we exchanged phone numbers And so she'd been following me on instagram. We exchanged phone numbers. She lived like 12 13 miles from me here in los angeles And we got on the phone and she had mentioned right up front that she was moving to utah So she was actually going to be doing searching in utah But we had this mutual interest we were she's really into spirituality. So she turned me on to two podcasts mark groves podcast can someone write down mark groves right now in the comments in the chat box mark groves groves Also another podcast called spiritually hungry Michael and matthew burg or monica burg Michael and monica burg spiritually hungry I love these podcasts. Oh my god. These are brilliant human beings so much wealth so much You really want to change your life start listening to them along with me check out the links below Don't forget to subscribe So she turned me on to these podcasts and then we had these interesting conversations about them So this was about three months ago and one night I called her up and said, hey Do you want to go out to dinner this weekend just to hang out? I just want some really good company. So we hung out And she's very attractive and we went out to a nice restaurant my treat. I just wanted I was in the I was in a generous spoiling mode and We went out to dinner in Santa Monica or West Hollywood, excuse me off of Santa Monica Boulevard And and then afterwards we didn't talk much and then she reached out to me a week later To tell me that about a man. She'd been dating and she wanted some dating advice So I gave it to her because I you know, we put each other in the friend zone And she was going through a love bomber. This guy loved bombed and daddy pulled away love bombed and pulled away and so We started talking on a regular basis sometimes a couple times a day and this has been going on for three months I'm sharing all this with you is and we've talked about being a romantic relationship first off she now lives in utah And um, I don't think we're a fit for each other, but we really have developed a really good rich friendship with each other We talked to each other in the morning sometimes in the afternoon sometimes in the evening She turned me on to an app called trip t r i p p. It's a meditation app. I can use with my oculus Okay, why am I telling all of this? I realized that what my soul yearns for is that person I can talk to to have those rich Conversations that person that I just enjoy talking with Now, you know, I don't believe we can build a relationship over the phone A romantic relationship because it requires doing social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends Traveling together. That's how you build a romantic relationship But what I realize in this friendship is what the missing piece I've been looking for my entire life I don't think I've ever been in a relationship with someone where the The the friendship is so rich and but from from a sapio sexual perspective In other words, it's her intellect. She's she's um, she's got a brilliant mind. She's got wisdom She's a cabalist. I mean, she's got a breath of of uniqueness to her And so I feel like the universe brought her into my life So I can feel what that feels like without all the pressure and the emotional responsibility of a relationship So why am I sharing this with you? How do you know what an amazing relationship looks like if you've never had an amazing relationship? I don't think I've ever had an amazing relationship. I've had relationships. I was married But in retrospect compared to what my heart yearns for it doesn't even come close to what I'm experiencing with this person right now Oh and our little kids play with each other. I mean she has a little kid personality I have a little kid personality. We we bump heads with each other. It's actually what I love about her is our little kids get together so My point in sharing this many of you ask why am I still single? It's because I feel like I needed to rewire myself these in past decade and a half Been going through some herculean work um Tons of you know the hoffman process insight seminars This was after losing after losing my quarter million dollar your job after being hooked on drugs and alcohol I had to dig myself out of the tunnel and rebuild my life And I feel like I've been re-parenting myself this whole time and why I share this with you It doesn't matter Whether or not you find the man of your dreams because the most important thing is the finding the love within yourself And when connor passed away It gave me the opportunity to rewire loving on myself And now I feel like the universe is just bringing more clues more clues more not clues But evidence that it's it's literally right around the corner So I invite you all to keep your eyes wide open and open your heart be open and receptive to love And it starts by opening your individual heart and maybe Many of you need to heal those childhood wounds and adult traumas To make actually make it happen. So thank you for allowing me to share there. I really appreciate it By the way, I want to thank ermah for the 20 dollar super sticker. Thank you so much I want to thank uh, I saw j.m. Cole for the $2.99 super sticker. Thank you so much I really appreciate it. Let's see what you have to say about what oh here really quickly I'm going to point out mark groves mark groves podcast check it out And then also for those watching the spiritually hungry podcast. I love this. This is cabala cabala Is mystic judieism. I mean it is so fucking cool I mean, I'd love to do mushrooms with these guys By the way, the friend I'm speaking of we actually have hung out a couple times and we did a mushroom journey And boy or psilocybin journey. I should say and boy our little kids got to play together It was so much fun to connect at that little Do you know what here's the thing when you see a boy and girl playing Or boys playing and girls playing there's just nothing more magical in my mind Are those folks that that play that play together? I feel like that's what's missing in most relationships to the game That's just that honest place of play That's why I love my friend. She's just we play together in the sandbox Just in the way we banter with each other and we fuck with each other It's like I realize now that's been the missing piece for me And I don't know if that resonates with you, but if it feels like it does I invite you to attract in Dear god universe and spirit god universe spirit Gus I invite in Romantic love in my life. I open my heart to romantic love I do the work to heal each and every day to forgive myself for my foibles my judgments my Resentments my guilt my shame And I work on it every day as an invitation to invite in a partner who is also Doing the inner work that wants to play in the sandbox together Where our little kids and our adult at the same time can play together? And especially that juicy delicious part where we get to fuck each other's brains out on a regular basis I invite that in and god I ask for that invitation. I invite that in my life and I ask you to make that happen Ah That's a short prayer I have for all of you. Will you do will you say jonathan? I'm gonna write a prayer tonight in the chat box. I'd really appreciate it All right Let's keep going Kimberley says Have you bought brought your request for for a partner in front of the lord to manifest right partner freeze? Oh, well, you just heard it By the way, I am a believer of god universe and spirit and I've got an amazing relationship with god universe and spirit I'm so grateful for that. So thank you kimberley Oh Let's go swim in All right All right, so if you have a question don't forget to post a question or purchase a super stick or super chat All right, or we're gonna be running. We're gonna be wrapping this up quickly I see an oh my amen jonathan amen And a heart. Thank you so much Folks Listen, there's nothing easy about this We have to remove layers upon layers upon layers of shit that's been built up in our life And I invite everyone to do the individual work so you can actually know what it feels like because when you actually love on yourself You actually invite in great love in your life You do That's at least you'll be able to recognize it much quicker than the old way of doing things All right, doesn't look like we have any questions If you have a question for me post the word question or and write the question thereafter I'm gonna wait a minute if you have a personal question of me write the personal question And then write the question thereafter. I'm gonna give it about one more minute or we're gonna be wrapping up Oh, here we go. Heather Heather my dear Question I'm starting to feel that a lot of men feel undervalued and unappreciated because women can be Financially stapled on their own should we help them find their other values? So I don't believe that women's financial stability I think it's a it's a plus in a relationship because as we age especially for the men who've gone through divorce They're paying alimony child support visitation rights Um, we're not visitation rights alimony and support and whatnot So and by the way 80 of the u.s. Population makes less than a hundred thousand dollars a year So financial stable woman is an asset to a man It's a controlling woman that is not very attractive to a man Women because of their financial success they feel like they can control just like men have controlled throughout history I think money creates, you know control freaks So rather by the way, so you have to decide Rather than the values is where do they play together? Where do they play together? Where do they play together? My friend I was telling you about the one who lives in utah. She went on a date Um, she's gone on four dates with a man their first two dates were bowling The third date was ping pong actually the fourth date is tomorrow night So bowling twice and ping pong she said she had a great time with this guy I'm really happy for do I think it's really going to be the one I don't know yet She doesn't even know yet. She's coming off of a love bomber that kind of scarred her a little bit But my point is she's playing with the guy That's you know the values look at values is do you share the same political point of view? Do you share the same religious point of view? Do you share the same view on vaccines and masks? If you have those three you probably got 80 percent of your values covered All right, Heather. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Heather says as a follow-up, I guess I've been watching too many incel and feminist videos It seems like there are a lot of controlling women who don't give men the respect they should now Here's the thing you're talking about a younger generation incel stands for involuntarily celibate And yes, there are the younger generation of women can be incredibly controlling And and the midlife women the thing is as women age, they tend to become more desperate. I'm sorry It just happened. That's not that's my my perception. I'm not saying it's a fact But they become tend to be more desperate. They tend to be more agreeable and more accommodating This is why a lot of women in midlife are more like doormats than they are You know the the the bitch and I don't mean the men love bitches like in the in the good sense I mean that in the pain in the ass kind of sense. So And feminists Okay, there's the there's two types of feminists the woman who believes in genuine genuine genuine equality of outcome And then there's the feminists that just hate men. Okay. I'm attracted to the feminist who believes in a quality of outcome a quality of outcome not The hatred of men. I'm not saying all feminists. It's just my observation of them. All right. Thank you so much for that question I saw that Teresa said Question why do men prefer men than women? Uh, are you asking why do men prefer? Are you talking about uh gay men? I I don't understand the question Lee Hong says why do men reject rejection harshly Listen, if you're a man, if you've asked a woman out and you've been rejected and you haven't asked another woman out and get rejected After a while that wears on yourself esteem Let's have some compassion For that feel by the way ladies when you if you've ever been rejected Doesn't that feel horrible? Doesn't that feel horrible to get rejected? Isn't it natural to feel a sense of anger when you've been rejected? So let's have compassion for men and women instead of you know What do you say? Let's have compassion for what they've experienced is all okay Lee says question Do you think a man's online dating profile is a good indication of his emotional maturity? So many of them are scant and minimal at best great question. So As a man, I'm on the dating sites and I look at women's profiles every day And I think to myself Is this the fucking best you women can do? I'm sorry. I'm saying women that sounds like a judgment Is this the best you can fucking do? I'm going to tell you women's profiles are just as fucking shitty as men 97 of profiles are crap. Let me tell you why ambivalence indifference and incompetence ambivalence indifference incompetence these the people who put shitty profiles in my mind Aren't worthy. They're not worthy of a relationship with me. Let's put it that way. That's now that might be a judgment I'm not saying these aren't good people Okay, the men and women who have shitty profiles. They can be good people But if you're that fucking unconscious that the the presentation you put out of yourself and ladies You were just as fucking bad at this as men. Okay, but if that presentation is so fucking mediocre then how fucking How Competent are you going to be in a relationship? Just because you want a relationship if you're if you it's like it's like Going to work and as you know, and you don't even know how to you know Spell, I mean, I'm sorry You you work as a typist and you don't know how to you go as a job is of a typist and you don't even know how to spell You don't know how to use a keyboard and you're expecting to get paid. That's the way a lot of men and women operate You're so fucking Delusional and I'm yelling because I can't stand delusional thinking hypocrisy and victim consciousness. So there I said it So why or what is it the question? Yes, I do think women and men's profiles that are crappy are a great indication of how fucking Disillusioned incompetent and uh, what was the other word I said um ambivalent they are. Okay. Thank you so much All right, let's keep going um Here dawn says That is so wrong. Men should not have to always pay. I'm just gonna jump in this conversation Listen When I shared the story of taking that female friend out for dinner I said right up front before we went out I said i'm gonna pay because I wanted to come from a place of generosity. It was just a friend I believe that the idea of men should pay Is an old outdated idea Especially now that women can make as much or in depth more than any individual man that they go out with Forgetting the collective if you're a woman who makes $150,000 a year and you're with a man who makes $120,000 a year You can make more than a man number one Paying for a date is not a man's responsibility there. I said it Now if he was raised the way I was raised it's an expectation for us to do it But I don't like that. It's an expectation. I don't I don't like that Because it's not coming from a place of generosity. It's not coming from a place of my heart It's coming from any and any woman who expects it in my mind is a taker if she expects it Now I we can all say well Jonathan manner do with the asking out Well, when you're meeting someone online for the first time and the guy takes the initiative That's not really asking you out on the date. That's basically saying I want to meet you Let's get together. So I would prefer That human beings in the beginning stages take turns man picks up the tab the first time Woman picks up the tab the next time he picks up the tab the next time She picks up the tab and after you've gone on three or four or five dates Depending on who makes the most money the person who makes the most should contribute the most to the entertainment It is now some of you women will say Jonathan we women spend all this money getting dressed up for a date ladies When you're meeting a guy for the first time are you dropping a couple hundred bucks on your outfit your hair and everything and if you are That's on you. That's not on him What about the $80,000 education he had to pay for what about the $80,000 car he had to pay for? I'm just throwing in shit like that But and when you go out with your girlfriends all dressed up Do you make your girlfriend pay when you'd go out at night down in the town? No So why should that be a man's responsibility? That narrative fucking drives me nuts Okay, and for the woman who might not like what i'm saying or any of the women You don't have to follow my channel. These are just my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means Do I suggest this is the truth? You have to decide the truth for yourself I'm a bit of a contrarian. My advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations I would prefer women and men take turns in the beginning stages and then having a serious conversation about it By the way in the book eight dates by doctors john and jolly gotman talking about money is a really fucking important Conversation, but you guys are so fucking naive to this shit It's important to talk about this stuff Because here's the bottom line Do you know the number one cause for divorce is money and to go in there cavilarly and naively is ridiculous And by the way, I'm speaking to the men here too any men watching this so I'm not talking about splitting the bill on the first date for anyone who might say that Although I think it's very generous when a woman says hey, I can like to pick up the valet. I'd like to pick up the tip I'd like to pick up the ice cream afterwards Demonstrate that you're actually a contributor instead of a taker because there are a lot of women out there that are takers and a lot of women who don't By the way, there's takers And then there are women who don't show appreciation a lot of men like myself included I I can't tell you how many countless dates I've been on Where I didn't feel appreciated that I picked up the tab You know, I did that out of generosity I mean well quite frankly I did it out of expectation A man should never do you should by the way should should a man expect sex from you Would you if a man said well, I paid for a date. I expect you to suck my cock How would you feel if that was the expectation? You'd say fuck off, dude Well, that's how it might feel to us if you expect it from us All right, I went off Probably lose some subscribers right as I speak But I think it was an important conversation I have does anyone agree with me say jonathan. I agree with what you said about paying for dates I agree with what you said about paying for dates. Please let me know Okay All right, you know what? Kit Kat says most men do expect sex regardless of paying for dates and that's by the way That's that's asinine to expect sex just like expecting sex or expecting men to pay am says I agree with jonathan Janet says I agree with jonathan. Thank you. You didn't say jonathan Jennifer says I love your rants. It made me lol. Thank you so much Jennifer says I agree. Oh, you said that. Thank you um All right, Kit Kat says I agree with you. Thank you so much folks Oh arlene says I believe in contributing only when I see there is effort on their part again That's an expectation arlene. What about the where's the effort on your part? What effort are you showing a man? by the way That's the key piece because there's a bit of there's a bit of Of entitlement with that comment You know, there's a bit of entitlement. I I I need to see effort. Well, what effort are you giving? folks I got to tell you People are takers in the early stages. Women are just as bad as men So I want to call you out on that one by the way I say this with a lot of love a lot of reverence a lot of care But i'm just letting you know what effort do you demonstrate and then okay? And I'm all in favor of investment and effort and see if it's matched I'm all but what are you doing in the first date to demonstrate effort? You just showed up. Is that effort? He shows up Okay Wve says I agree Watch me pun pole dance true feminine is a good for both men and women What hurts women what hurts women hurts men and vice versa. I agree Deborah says I agree with what you say about paying for dates Mary says I agree with you said for paying for dates. Thank you Joan says I love it when you go off. I agree with what you said about paying for dates needed to be said Thank you so much. Kimberly says I agree. I've been taken before and it feels terrible to be used exactly Kit Kat says Jonathan says it how it is amen. Oh, I love it Linda says I'm old school and I don't agree. Well, I hope it's working. By the way folks, you can do whatever you want You can do whatever you want Just remember the number one cause for breakups or divorces is money Um, daniella says I agree with what you said about paying for dates. I really do. I want to tell you I perceive your genuine advice. Thank you so much Um, Janet says I'm retired and I always pay or pay I always pay or pay Thank you All right, this is me. I think our last question today from Pamela Questions sometimes women do not have careers and means to make money Following a divorce. What is your advice in those cases? Well Are you saying that they can't take care of themselves and they need someone to support them or they just You know because then you're just you might as well take whatever man's willing to pay your bills Okay, but if you can support yourself, that's the most important thing if you can support yourself and take care of You know small little by the way If a man makes 150 grand a year and you make 50 grand a year you're barely covering your expenses That guy's gonna want it if he genuinely likes you and cares about you then it's not about listen I'm saying the early stages. This is the first three or four or five dates. It's not a man's Responsibility because here's the problem when a man always pays it gives him permission to be a fucking dickhead to you Just remember that okay. He can be a fucking controlling asshole because that's what it generally is Or not generally is it can be so just remember that if you can take care of yourself. That's all that matters All right, this got into an interesting discussion Uh Heather says it. Oh my god. It takes 50 grand to cover expenses. I must be living way cheap Well, what I meant was if you make 50 grand a year after taxes It's 38 and then you've got your mortgage, you know, that or your rent That's 24 000 a year, you know, it leaves you 12 000 a year for food and entertainment car and gas You know, maybe taxes isn't that much. I'm sorry. I was thinking of my bracket But you know, I mean it could you know 50 grand doesn't go a long way here in the united states Folks, I went on a big time rant here. I thought you found value even on that last rent about About them who pays for dates because it's a sore subject for me. I I have felt so unappreciated by women That I feel that parity is a better way to approach it. That's just my two cents By the way, how do you feel about my location here today to do this? It's a little bit Struggling on my back a little bit. So I just I'll say a little wearing on my back So I'm going to go back to my old location. But what did you think of this? Okay I'd like to hear your thoughts on that. All right before we wrap up today I'd love a super sticker super chat for the connor asley scholarship fund We'd like to give away some money. I hope you found value in this if you'd like to schedule a discovery call with me please Please uh hit the button below check out the books. I recommend check out my podcast my new podcast called Relationships are underrated with tripp kramer. I'll post a link there below All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today with my teddy bear First off i'm going to give myself a big gigantic joth and bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give inner them a hug of love this teddy bear Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank kitkat and pamela couch therapy. He thanks lovely, uh arlene and renee and jamie and uh rose and janet and heather and uh Danielle watch me pole dance f l i'm uh, uh rena rihanna Pamela, thank you all so much wishing you a fabulous evening Bye-bye now Couch therapy with jonathan. I love it. Love it. Love it