 Maybe you're considering leaving your job. Maybe you fantasize about quitting your job But of course, there's this kind of fear that's in place around this. I would say this is one of the questions I get asked Well, it comes up Incredibly frequently in therapy So let's dive into this and see well what would it be like to quit my job and Is there a good way to do it? Is there a safe way to do it? Is there a way to do it that's not going to make me feel terrified and It's a very interesting topic. So stay with me as we do a bit of a deep dive into this So anyone that's going through this dilemma about look, this is not working for me. I really want to quit my job I want to do something else with my life We have to realize first of all that You're conflicted there is a conflict and We have to know first of all, well, what is this conflict between? One part probably once it could be emotional health. It wants a sense of freedom. It wants to go and have Maybe be around more supportive people could be anything Go and pursue a passion in life But this other part is saying well, you know what typically the other part is going to be saying something about security needs about safety It's like that's not safe. You're not ready to do that and we tend to look at this conflict within ourselves and Our problem with it isn't that there's a conflict. It's that we pick sides in that conflict So a person who really desperately wants to quit their job Will really dislike this part of them that is reminding them constantly about the need for security So typically we see this as the the unhelpful one or that we resent this one Now if we're going to do this what we're trying to do is Navigate this whatever's going to happen for you personally stay leave whatever it is We're going to try and navigate this with as little conflict and as little fear as we possibly can That's our goal here from the outset a goal isn't necessarily to quit your job or to stay in your job We're not going to pick sides in that we're just going to validate both of those sides Because that's a way that we're going to minimize conflict in this So what we this is really going to involve listening to both sides of the argument without picking sides without saying this one's right This one's right. This one is wrong. This need for security is wrong This is that this is the way we bulldoze our emotions. You see they're both very valid this need for security or need for maybe more more passion or purpose or More support or it could be this this need for security. They're both completely valid There's not a problem with either side So no emotional bulldozing Validating both sides both sides of that conflict. That's how we really withdraw any favoritism or stop picking sides in this thing That's creating all this conflict. We validate both sides at the same time see them both is completely okay So one question we can ask ourselves is Okay We're going to play it out. We're going to listen to both sides here Okay, this is not going to be me picking this idea a lot of a lot of things I've seen online of people saying follow your passion follow your passion follow your passion follow your passion follow your passion Bulldozing away this need for security Okay, and a lot of people, you know, maybe it's a little bit more more old-school But people say stay in your job stay in your job stay in your job stay in your job pick inside That's not doing anything for this conflict that you're experiencing So let's first of all Take the perspective here of this security need and really maybe there's some validity to it so First thing I would say is well, do you really need to quit your job? now What I'm saying around that is We tend to have this let's say it's a more passionate life that you want Does it have to necessarily be true that if you stay in your job that you can't find a sense of passion or purpose outside of it We we tend to think that my job Should be the thing that gives me all my sense of purpose and passion in life And quite often that's not true, and it doesn't need to be true Quite often it's okay to have a job where there's no real sense of meaning or purpose or creativity or a passion You know the job is providing security now if that's if that means I can't It's imposing itself in my life to degree that I can't follow any kind of passion outside of my work life There could be issues around boundaries with work that we could look at but if you're Did the idea that your job is the only way that you can find purpose meaning or creativity in life is Not very helpful because sometimes the job is just okay for security reasons. There's nothing wrong with that and we can find the meaning purpose and creativity elsewhere and That need can be fully met elsewhere If we take that kind of dual approach it, it's okay that I have this job that doesn't give me that much meaning and purpose I'm finding it outside of this if we're having that kind of dual approach This thing can often take over eventually and become the thing that we wanted to that that is We want to give more time to So the first question is do you really need to quit your job? And we can ask ourselves that question and you may come to the point where you realize well you know, maybe I can work on my boundaries with work a little bit more and Find meaning and purpose creativity outside of my job. And that's a way to resolve that issue now You may come to the realization that Actually My job is so overbearing in my life and it's taken my life over to such a degree Or you may even say it's incredibly incredibly toxic for me And I can't even disengage from it psychologically at all You may say to yourself. I actually do think I need to quit my job If you really really do come to terms with the fact that you need to quit your job We we come to acceptance of this is unsustainable for me This is having such a negative impact in my life this job. I mean that Okay, it's not working and it's never gonna work. So something has to change So before you even think about quitting your job, there's going to be a stage you get to where you say This isn't working for me. This is unsustainable now I don't know when exactly but I know something has to change That's a very big step and an important step if you're in that situation. It's like, okay Let me just stop trying to bulldoze through this and stop trying to be resilient all the time. It isn't working I've tried for a long time. A lot of people will say, you know, they're so responsible That they will try to stay in a situation that is unsustainable for too long so Finding out, okay, is the is the job taken away too much of your time? Is it too toxic that environment? Is it making me do things that that lead to me not liking myself? Maybe this is unsustainable for me. So an acceptance. Okay. This is unsustainable So if you're at that position, this is the the approach I get people to do There's still going to be that voice that's saying security security you need to stay here You need to stay here. There's financial problems Again, we listen to both of them. But because you've accepted it's unsustainable and something has to change What I want you to do is listen to both of those sides and Get them to come to terms or get them to agree on Okay, it's unsustainable. How long am I going to stay in this unsustainable situation and Get them to pick a date that they can both agree on now the part of you that feels like it's unsupportive very feel it feels It's meaningless or it's it's toxic in your life. That's going to want to say I want to leave tomorrow I don't want to even go into work tomorrow. Maybe But this is going to say the security need is going to say hold your horses there a second That's not going to happen. Who's right and who's wrong? They're both right Okay, there is no good. Do you have to validate both of those? But when they come together They may be able to say well look is Three months, okay, and the security need might say no, that's not enough is Ten years, okay security need can't justify ten years in a job So you may come to terms with I'm going to give myself 18 months in this job I may give myself six months whatever the figure is that they can both say fair enough. It is unsustainable Let's have that as the date now that date you said you have to Commit to it now. It's not a quick date necessarily It's a date when you can say okay if by this date on the calendar that I'm going to commit to now Nothing has changed and I still feel that this job is completely unsustainable and it is not doing me good emotionally At that point you will leave the job, okay now The joy of having that date out there somewhere in the future, maybe six months could be even a year away whenever it is It'll give you eat that that part of you that needs a security It doesn't feel like it's been bulldozed away. It feels like okay now I can do something to prepare for that outcome Should it happen and what you start to do is you start to you start to look for alternatives you start to Feel more justified in having much more healthy boundaries and saying no to a few things at work Because you have this sense that well look I am probably going to leave anyway unless something changes you start to become a little bit bolder in your job You start to do things like you speak more authentically now not negatively or Aggressively, but you start to stand up and assert yourself a little bit more you stop saying yes to everything impulsively You stop being that person who at 5 p.m. Is looking around to see if other people are leaving Before you can give yourself permission to leave the date that your job You do it because you want to do it because now you feel more open to taking risks because I'm I'm Assessed that something has to change here and I feel I'm probably gonna leave anyway So now I'm gonna start acting more authentically You act more authentically you start to take a few more healthy Calculated risks in your job because you realize okay. I'm leaving anyway I may as well just try a few things differently around here myself and Through this period of time you're looking for alternative work. You're looking for Ways to be more authentic in your job you may find that Your experience of the job changes anyway You start to feel less attached to it psychologically and come that day which you had committed to you realize things have changed here and This isn't as bad as I thought it was and maybe I'm feeling more authentic in myself Maybe everything's okay. I can stay but that has to be a genuine Assessment of yes things are very different now to when I said this time for myself initially But if they're not different and you still feel exactly the same way as you did back when you said that date for yourself really You've probably been looking for alternatives. Maybe you've got some jobs lined up or Interviews lined up or you're feeling optimistic about it because you've been doing that work in preparation for this inevitability They feel yes, the time is gone. I promise myself nothing changed And it wasn't an impulsive choice that I would leave my job, right? It was a job that really took into calculation the need for security in my life and to take responsibility Now I feel at the time has come. There's no point in me push pushing through this Especially if it's kind of a toxic environment that you're in there's no point in me staying here any longer now at this point It's time for me to move forward and move on from this and just move on to the next thing and So those will be ways that I would say you could approach this whole idea of quitting your job It's not going to be this reckless impulsive. That's it. I'm gone. I'm finished I'm out of here nor is it going to be this idea that I need no matter what to stay in this position Even though it's completely meaningless to me and it's not making me feel good And I I think it's a toxic environment and I feel anxiety all the time That is not an option either. It shouldn't be an option for us. The answer is very unique to every individual and But it is possible as the moment you really accept the situation is Unsustainable for me something has to change That's when you start to put into place these steps to Transition away from that if nothing changes and if nothing does change then we move on so guys I hope that's useful information and I hope that if you're in that position, which many of us are, you know We're we're thinking about making a change that that will be some food for thought and will maybe give you a little bit of hope and Guidance in it that you know the way you feel is completely completely completely normal and so many of us go through So thanks for joining me and I'll see you again in the next video Bye for now