 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we are playing Reigns. Which puts me in charge of the people. Ah, God, I shouldn't even be in charge of myself. So how this works is, it's essentially Tinder, except if you swipe wrong, people die. Or if you swipe right, people could die also. Basically, it's like Tinder, but everyone's dying. So are you the young king? Does this mean like, do I want to be king or does it mean do I want to be young? Because I do not want to be young. No. I only talk to the king. If you're not the king, I'm going back to sleep. Actually, I am the king. So you're the one who you serve my throne, send me this dungeon to rock. No, I'm not the king. That's not me. That's someone else. Just try to keep a balance between the four powers to keep your head on its shoulders. Okay, so I need to balance them all. I guess keep God happy, the people happy, the army happy, and the almighty dollar happy. Okay, so we're neutral across the whole thing. The Eastern Baranese are regrouping under the banner of a terrible warlord. I think you might have heard about me. I'm just gonna say, no, I'm not sending the army. A young woman claims their son is in fact your bastard. Should we make this problem disappear? Yes. This kid wants to sing me a song. That's an easy decision. Do you take requests at all? A poor fool was singing alone a sad, a very sad song. This is just depressing, dude. They're coordinating an attack. Ask for help. No, then we'll appear weak. Your people are famished and unrest is spreading. Both of them are just... What? I don't know what most of those words even mean. The castle is ransacked, your court disperses, and you're left with pigeons to rule over. I think I got to make like six decisions, and I destroyed a kingdom. The king is dead. Yeah, five years. Ooh, that's not very good. Oh, so I play as the new king now? Wait, what is this? I don't like Boone. He's a whimpering liar. You're right. I don't know what Boone is. We need to build a new church. What? Don't we have enough churches? What about like a temple to me instead? All right, I'm going full military this time. I'd like to conduct a mass to the memory of your father. No, he was an idiot. I know it was me. That was a lie, and you bought it with great satisfaction. What? I'm just going to say no, you were wrong. Or good people are gathering every Friday to sing songs. Well, that's just fantastic. Yes, cult of personality. They're afraid of you and your army. Oh, I thought they liked me. I don't want to rule out of fear. Just want to be liked. You know what? Just roll with it. They should be afraid. Oh my God, I just got a lot of new cards. Your people are famished and unrest is spreading. What? The castle is ransacked. Oh my God, I've lost the kingdom twice in about five minutes. All right, Harry, the third king. Winnie the Pooh will recruit the doctor and meet the devil. It's been a while coming. I'm gambling with the kingdom's money. Come on, I know you can do better. Yeah, just keep raising. You have to bet the treasure. I raise you. Oh my God, all the kingdom's money is gone. Oh, please let me win. You won. Oh, thank goodness. Oh, look at all that money for the kingdom. How did the gesture have that much money? Your country is so rich. We're throwing a party to celebrate with the most expensive food. Wait, hold on now. Hold on. Maybe don't spend all that money. We didn't get all this money by having like a thriving economy or anything. I wanted playing dice. Maybe we shouldn't spend it all. Wait, what? A huge cast of strong ale was brought into the castle. Too drunk, you fell in during the party. How is that my fault? He was ruling for a year. He's the only one who did something good granted by chance and he dies immediately. All right, maybe King William will meet the devil. Well, the other guy met the devil too, but in a different way. What? Large threatening gesture directed at you. What? I don't know what he's trying to say. He says that your country is beautiful. He would like to call it. Oh, I'll stop it. You sure looking sad and depressed. Oh, let's comfort him. He points at his face. What? He says that the mouse is orange. I'm beginning to believe you can't translate him. If you don't believe me, I will let you deal with him alone. Should I go? Yes, get out of here. Oh, no. Oh, the people didn't like that. You had a long and unintelligible chat with Pran the Fierce that ended up with good laughs. The following day, the Eastern Baranese tried to invade your country again. What? Why? I thought we had something. That cuddle meant a lot to me. I keep letting my people stare and I don't even mean to. I don't know how this is happening. King William was the worst king of our generation and there's been a lot of bad ones. There are too many people to execute. I need help from the army. Yeah, go for it. An explosion? 100 dead? Should we keep digging? Yeah, dude. You're going to need to build a big grave after all that. Unfortunately, the great fires destroying your castle. No, I destroy my castle. Save the treasury though. We need the money. I want to play dice again. Once again, we're dead. I died on the throne. Why do they keep putting me in charge? The mines are full of gold. This is great news. Look how happy everyone is. Oh my God. This is the best king yet. What's my name? James King James wise recruit the doctor. Oh, yes. Finally, I feel like I need someone who's anyway smart and surely a doctor would be smart. This is a coup. Surrender your power to me at once. What? The army locks you up in the tallest tower of the castle where you will decay to rights. But what did I make the army too strong? I did too good of a job. All right. Okay. Okay. That's fine. All right. Fine. That's grand. Do I get to be you now on a Harry's back? Wait, which was the Harry the first? Oh my God. Harry the first did not do good. But you know what? Harry, you've got a low bar now. You can do this on dice again. Keep raising just like the previous Harry. Oh, no. Oh, no. We lost all the kingdom's money on dice. Your country's ruined my lord. Merchant's nobility on everything. No, the jester. Fekin owns everything. He beat me at dice. Once again, the King Harry lasts for one year. Both lost to the tragic, tragic game of dice. Do you need credit? Yes. Give me a loan. Fantastic. My 20th birthday. God, it's amazing. I even live this long. Wait, the doctor just came in. He has done nothing for us. Now he wants to hang out with his friends. Yeah, go for it. Get lost. A dog. You can have whatever you want. I agree. Oh, they didn't like that. The church doesn't like that. I'm listening to a dog. Our soldiers were overzealous. Now we're both at war with the south and the west. Nice. Now I think bring back the army. The pilgrimage of Saint Armand draws thousands of people. We would like to monetize this event. You have a future in content creation, my friend. Could we dismember Guybrush? Oh, that's the guy who Fekin took my money from dice. Yeah, kill him. Rex Mullins in despair. Oh my God. I trust Rex's judgment over everyone. What's wrong, Rex? Is someone stuck in the well? Wait, what? Time has gone, space insane. Here it comes here again. You feel your mouth closing down as if you never had one. What? This will affect every year. What does this mean? Little king, little puppet. Wait, was Rex the devil all along? Oh no. Oh no, it went down a lot. The religion is gone. Oh my God, everything is emptying. Is this like a hallucination if I got mad? Centuries ago, you asked for eternal power in exchange for your soul. Did I? I don't remember that. Each of your deaths is enjoyable. Well, I'm glad someone's enjoying it. But even more so is the choice I will let you make now. Go a little puppet and see you again in 666 years. Okay. Well, that was interesting. Wait, new cards, devious curse. The next character you say yes to will die. Oh, fantastic. Oh, and I even want to do that one, the fencing. But like if I do it, then he'll die. Wait, that might be good. Then I might win the fencing. Yeah, let's do fencing. You look like a reckless worm trying to fight an eagle. Yeah, well, you're cursed to die now. Do I attack? I'm going to attack. Yes. Oh, um, I won. I thought I killed him there for a second. Beginner's luck. Do you want to know how to improve? Yes. God damn it. Come on. Die. You didn't even die. What is that about? Wait, I said yes to the next guy and I think he died. A body was found later that you're horrifyingly torn and bloated. Yeah, I killed him. I was trying to kill the other dude. We need to reform our religion. Can you worship me at this cake? No, I'm not eating that cake. That's going to be poison. 100%. Teach me a way to tempt fate. Yeah, go for it. This will have effect every year loaded dice. You will never lose again at the Red Dwarf. Oh my God, where's that jester? I want to play dice now. A bird. Who's in charge of this bird? Well, no one answered me. He just flew away. Maybe I am just a mad king. I just pointed at a random bird like, who owns this guy? Wait, I'm bleeding. Oh my God, get that doctor. Finally, you can do something. Cut off my arm. Not a very good doctor. Ari, where did you go to medical school? Don't believe the black bird. It's all fake news. But who owns this bird? Honestly, spreading propaganda. Oh no, the other bird is saying the other bird's evil. This is confusing. I'm not getting in the middle of this fight. Just fight on yourselves. Only one bird can remain. I don't know. How am I supposed to? The other one. I don't know. What am I doing? I'm a serial killer. Me too? Are you trying to relate to me? You're my executioner. This job sucks if I could. What do you want to do? What? No, finish your thought. God damn it. Islanders are preparing invasion of the kingdom. Send the army. The army was mobilized against an enemy. Damn it, I killed the wrong bird. Oh my God, he's saying it again. No, I'm not listening to you. The doctor wants to be the executioner. Well, you'd be a very bad doctor in that case. Don't you have like an oath or something? I'm looking for a simple way to test exotic new poisons. I can pay. I sure why not then? Oh, the people didn't like that at all. Oh, a terrible plague follows the doctor's experiments on convicts. You're among the first to rot. He had a long life. How long did he live? 38 years? Oh my God. Good job, everyone. Lose yourself in the dungeon. Try the blue one. Have an air. I want an air. Wait, am I fighting a dragon? Oh, I got burnt to death by a dragon. Some of them just don't live very long in a year. There's so many rulers that have just lasted a year. It's got a higher turnover than the defense against the dark arts teacher. Oh, he wants to turn lead into gold. All right. I know last time you got me killed after 38 years of prosperous king, but I'm going to say yes. The people are rebelling as the last vestiges of the church. You have to escape. What? A pagan mod murdered you. Why? I don't understand. Like, they hate the church, not me. The people liked me. The army liked me. We discovered the entrance of a crypt under the castle. I'm going in. I have so many, like, dead ancestors in there. Oh my God. It's like an adventure, like a text adventure. Use Aerosnake door. Aerosnake door. Use that one. The skill in cries or laughs, seriously. Cries or laughs? Do we just not know? What kind of laugh or cry does he have? Attack. Yes. He's destroyed. New move, tricky weasel. A treasure chest. I hope it's dice. Oh, it's just a key. But there could be a key to a box of dice. A trap is triggered. I just said what? I don't react. Take my hand. Oh, fix it. You need to grab his hand. Why is he even down here? I followed you. There's a whiff of luck around you that is quite irresistible. Okay, my luck saved me. Yes, just say yes to it. Wait, wait. I'm on the other side now. Hold on. Oh my God. This is a hell of a fight. I have apples. Why would you say that attack? Oh, no, I got killed by a skeleton. New move, cheating pig. Why couldn't I cheat there? Oh, I had so much cool stuff as well. I had dice. It'll find me and just be like, what the hell was he doing down here? Why was he wandering around in the dungeons finding skeletons? Victory. The Vikings are defeated. Let them go. No pity. Execute. I curse you for the massacre of my soldiers. You look funny. I like your hat. You're my slave now. Oh my God. Oh my God, the castle. Oh my God, people hate me. They hate me. No, they hate William. They don't hate me. They hate William. I'm fine. Now Edward on the other hand, they love Edward. Oh, what's going to happen here with all these people? Embassies in neighboring countries. I should go for it, lad. The hospital will limit the consequence of epidemics and catastrophes. There we go. I built the hospital. Don't say I never did anything. He wants a hug. Oh, I don't know. I don't really want the commitment to any. He doesn't seem very trustworthy. He's betrayed me in the past. Okay. He's also dead. How many kings have I lost? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 kings I've gone through. Well, luckily, 13 is a very lucky number. So this one should go well. I'm ignoring this bird. I do not care about him. He's, he's lied to me once and I just will not trust him ever again. A young prince is being held against her will in Dark Rock Castle. I'm coming. This is my opportunity to be shrek from the hip movie Shrek 1. Breathing fire. Are you the king? Are you here for the damsel? No. Why not? She's a pretty girl. Please don't burn me. Oh, wait, wait. What? It's just giving her to me. Okay. I mean, that's easy. Nobody's killing anyone. You're here for the girl. Here she is. End of story. Okay. Am I hero? Yeah. Am I hero now? I feel like a bit of a hero. A group of fanatics of ransacked the hospital pretending only God can heal them through your holy touch. That sounds right. Yeah. Sure. I can do that. Master Abraham Varagon is conducting a godly experience. I know. I gave him permission. A great fire is destroying my castle. I'll call the fire department. They're not me. You're governing like a loser? How do I kill him? No, I just hear me out for a while. Who's Ger- Oh, Gerrard. I was like, who is a Gerrard? Kill him. There we go. Borehead Loose Tongue was executed shortly afterwards. With a name like Loose Tongue, I guess I should have seen it coming. But he's dead now. I'm happy. I found blue and brown mushrooms in the forest. This blue one seems edible. Who even are you? But it does say try the blue one. So I'll go for it just to get one of the goals. You feel suddenly very happy and strange things start to happen? Oh no. What side of the road should Kerr just go? Oh, the left of course. Why is it gone so weird? Wait, why are you a rabbit? Why is the Pope a rabbit? I'm confused. Is this why Easter's all about rabbits? Is the mushroom still affecting me? What's going on? Your country's ruined, my lord. Merchant's nobility earn on everything. Please. I don't want to go. Everyone is animals. I'm tripping out. You're tortured and your body's thrown to the dogs. Your name becomes an insult. Great. What, so you're called someone a Robert? Oh my God, the dog is back. I'm just going to agree with you. All right, don't be a Robert this time. The people are looking for a scapegoat. They've killed the priest and the general. Well, they found it then. Close the gates, send the army. Oh, it's just send the army. Yeah, you'll be fine. I got a spy. New carrots, insane whispers. That's not good. Oh, I am a child. I hope it's mine. Yeah, an heir, finally. Who shall be the godfather? Oh, Marilyn Brando. He did a great job. I don't want the general or the priest. Is the gesture dead? Did we now replace him with anyone? I could use some fun whisperer. General Arnold Vadover is a salmon swimmer. Do you have to talk in riddles? Just tell me directly what you're trying to say. There we go. I tortured some monks and they confessed their werewolves. I didn't think they were, but I was just rolling with it. A giant is shaking the ground near Pavolai. I'm a bad king if I don't even know who I'm ruling. Send your priest to help you. Send the priest to deal with the giant. If I've learned anything from Skyrim, the priest is about to be sent into orbit. Oh my God, I have no money. Please don't anyone ask for any money. Not even pocket change. Oh wait, no, no, it's over. Effect 6, stop torturing your kings and throw them to the dogs every time you run out of pocket change. Jest, the 16th king. Oh, this will be my king. A jester. Finally, I'm the jester. Really though, I've been the clown all along. This werewolf guy opened a trendy tavern. Okay, will you give me some money? Yeah, you know what? A furry tavern might not be a bad idea. Things are looking really depressing here. A crypt. I'm going in. I need to get away from making decisions because I'm really bad at it. Yes. I don't even understand the combat, but all I know is I'm winning like most of the time. Kick the door. Oh, my foot hurts. Okay, bad idea. Kick it again. It hurts even more. Third time lucky. All right, my foot. You know what? I'm just going to keep kicking it. It's going to go eventually. Okay, after 40 hits, I'll just accept that my foot is now a mangled mess and that we're not getting in there. Turn around. What? I'm stuck in there. Oh, maybe I should have kept kicking. Well, it turns out King Jest was a bit of a joke after all. Luckily, we're at a big event here and we got a new fresh king ready to tackle it. My dear, I'm dying. I don't know why. It's probably my fault. Please let me rest on my parents' tomb. Kind of weird, but yeah, go take a nap. Oh, someone's tweeting. I'm not there. I'm a shadow. I want to be Batman over here, like I could see you. Wait, what's he built here? He's built me a vase. Knock, brilliant. Knock it over. How dare you? What? Not you, the doctor. He found me in Lamecus. He didn't create me. Who are you? Come back with the frozen blood and I may answer. Brilliant. Not sure what that means. Should I freeze some blood? Should I execute somebody? Rex invites you to follow him. Oh, so there is someone in the well. I'm following that doggy. He brings me to the forest. Somewhere secluded where no one can hear me scream. Stops in front of a bright orange mushroom. You know what? I have nothing to lose. Just eat the thing. Oh my God. I got clarity. I'll know precisely how my decisions affect the kingdom. Oh my God. Look at this. I have numbers now. I wish I knew what numbers meant. Okay, so this is awesome. Now I know if I try and save the victims, my kingdom will run out of money. So let's leave those victims rotten. I can get by with that. Too much sugar, my Lord. It will kill you. I started eating cake a while ago this time. I was like, F, it's poison. It's poison. It's a good way to die. Oh my God. You're a mighty leader. I bow to your greatness. If I say lower, it would literally cause a revolt. Okay, very kind to you. My king, I'm a child. I'll give you a son. An heir finally. This has unknown effects. If I say I'm not that bothered and only lowers it a bit, they'll go with that. You're dying of pneumonia. I haven't left the castle my whole life actually. I was gonna say since I was in that dungeon, but no, that was someone else. Oh no, wait. I went outside to eat that mushroom once. That was fun. You're dying, my young friend. Dying of the old age, wanting achievement. This is nice. Look, my kingdom actually doing okay. Oh, in the end, you die mourned by all your subjects. Your name is praised. Your tomb becomes a shrine. Finally, what I wanted to be worshipped like a God, or play dice. One or the other. I either want to be worshipped like a God or I want to play dice. But Robert, the mage, why was he the mage? Maybe he believed he was a mage after eating those mushrooms. He had the longest life by far. It was a shame he died of old age. Oh wait, James the decisive actually lived longer. He just lived long enough to see himself become the villain, unfortunately. All right, I want to get to that with James. James, you're up. Come on, buddy. If you could change a previous decision, would you do it? No, because I don't even remember what it was. Who's Boone? Yeah, he's a liar. I don't even know who he is. Is that the bird? Because the bird's been lying a lot. Oh, not this guy again. Will I just cuddle him and hope it works out? He's looking sad and depressed. I'll comfort him. He points to his face. What are you trying to say? He says that the mouse is orange. I don't think you know what he's saying. A way to learn happiness, please. No one in my family has ever been happy. Give it to me. I can't give you happiness, but maybe I can remove something that makes you unhappy. Oh my God, one can escape. The crown, take the crown from me. No one saw you again after that day. Only your crown remained. Oh my God, we actually saved someone. All right, I'm going to go with this as my last king. King Boudou, you know what? I want to re-roll. There we go. Okay, he's dead. William, that's easier. Oh my God, I gave one of my lords a bit of land and now he's starting his own little army. Oh my God, okay, he's surrendering. Good. Wait, let me live and I will tell you where the bandits treasure is. You're not like a random NPC in Red Dead Redemption. What are you talking about? But you know what? I do want to know where the treasure is. It's apparently a very small treasure. Can I kill him now? Can we dismember him? Yes. He died. Okay, that... Why do I keep getting tortured and thrown to the dogs when I'm trying my best? Okay, Gerald is the last king. Okay, we're going to get to that spot and we're going to see what it is. A fat guy with a fake beard and a red coat is giving gifts to random children in the streets. I mean, it sounds weird when you put it like that but that's just Santa Claus. Either way, executioner, I'm getting so much money from spices. It's just flying up. We should create a central bank. Yes, we've loads of money now. The central bank protects you from bankruptcy. You just have to create more money when you need it. Yes, just keep printing more money. What? I was doing so well for the kingdom and then during the party someone started an archery game and it didn't end well for you. I wasn't even playing. I'm starting to think I'm either the most unlucky person in the world 22 times in a row or I'm just not good at this. No, it must be the unlucky factor. The luck of the Irish is a sarcastic saying. We're just historically not very lucky. I think we're going to end it there. I hope you enjoyed my reign. Thank you very much for watching. I appreciate you and I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.