 Hey, we've got Deb in the house. We got some more fun. Hey, Deb. I'm delighted. Actually, get on. I'm going to get right to the question so that I don't get too. Jonathan, I want to know if I'm moving too fast. OK. I'm living in Zimbabwe. I met a man on OK Cupid two months ago. OK. I had two chats on OK Cupid. And then we had two emails, followed your advice. And then we had 70 hours of video chat. OK. I'm getting on a plane and I'm coming to meet you. So I was in a state of shock. Within a few days he arrived, 10,000 miles. He traveled to meet me. Where did he, by the way, where does he live again? He lives in Greenville, South Carolina. And you live in Zimbabwe. That's 10,000 miles, everybody. He came to meet me. So I took your advice and didn't go for the tall dark handsome. He is short. He's a little bit extra. Only he was married once. He married his, he's with one woman in his whole life. So I went for either. So he came up. We went to Victoria Falls, which is one of the seven wonders of the world. I took him there. We had a fabulous time. He met all of my family and all of my friends. That was his mission. Went back to America. He's contacted my family in America and is spending Christmas with them. And I'm in a little bit of a state of shock because I've been single for 15 years. And I've been preparing now, I know, all this time because I've been following you all that time and seeing all metamorphosis. And I know that I'm ready. And I'm excited. Well, I got a couple of questions for you, Deb. Yeah. First off, earlier when you said I followed your advice, I didn't go for the tall dark and handsome person. Folks, that's not my advice, by the way, to not do something. I just want to be clear about that. And my advice is to go where your heart is and not your ego is. Okay, so they just want to clarify that. So why don't you tell me, how do you feel? Okay, did you guys have sex? Yes. Okay. If I caused a fence by saying I didn't go for the tall dark. Oh no, no, you didn't cause a fence. I just want everyone to be clear of what my advice is. So. What told them? Well, let's go back to, you guys had sex. How was the sex? It was good. But I wanted you to know that I actually, he had very bad profile pictures. And I couldn't tell which one he was on the profile picture on Okay, Cupid. So I read his very, very long profile and I decided to reach out to him because of his profile. I didn't know what he looked like, but he sounded emotionally mature and he just ticked all my boxes. And I was not disappointed to find out that he was. Okay, so when did he return home? He was only here for 10 days. And since he's been home, we had to. Hey, by the way, I want to give you an example of what women do. I asked your question, you answered something completely different. I said, when did he go home? He went home three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. Okay, so just I want to give everyone an example of communication, okay? I asked a specific question and you started to tell me a story. Okay, so he left three weeks ago. In the past three weeks, how has your communication been? We check for between one and three hours every evening. Okay, so what is the game plan for the two of you going forward? We are applying for my visa and I'm planning to go for my birthday in April. And he has already asked me to marry him. Okay. So, well, first off, Deb, I know you from my group called Midlife Love Mastery, everybody, if you want to. Deb is someone I know, this is new information to me because you haven't shared this in the group. So, I don't have, to the extent, I don't have a lot of significant advice to share with you. I would invite you to watch a TV show called 90 Day Fiancé. 90 Day Fiancé the other way, 90 Day Fiancé. Why, here's the thing, relationships with people from other countries, now there's always exception to the rule, is you don't really know a person until you actually spend a significant amount of time with them in each other's respective environments, okay? Now it sounds like you're considering moving to North you said North Carolina, correct? I'm going for between six and 12 weeks to live with them at home. Yeah, I own my own business. So, a lot of people in the 90 Day Fiancé show do that. Okay, they spend a significant time. Here's the challenge, when you move to another location. Okay, so let's just say you're there. A, you don't have your circle of friends with you, number one. You're not in your regular routine, especially if you go to the gym, if you go to a certain place to go for a walk, a certain, you know, all of the things in your current environment aren't going to be at this environment, number one, okay? So, what oftentimes happens, by the way, I'm not taking this from a pessimistic point of view, a realistic point of view, okay? What oftentimes happens is it puts a hundred percent of the, is he retired? No, no, he's a soft-weight. Okay, so he's going to work and then you're going to be in his home by yourself for a significant amount of time throughout the day while he's doing his professional life. What often, huh? He works from home. Okay, works from home, okay. So, and that could be a benefit. Well, that could be a benefit or it could be a curse too, because then there's no autonomy for each one of you to have your own space, okay? So, the real question is doing, here's the thing, you can't really get to know a person until you've seen them in a multitude and a variety of circumstances or situations. This is how you get to know someone. All of that time on the telephone or video chatting is partially getting to know someone. You're partially, and quite frankly, you're getting to know someone in a cerebral perspective and not the physical perspective. And I don't mean sex, okay? How a person operates. Do they put the toilet seat down? Do they treat you with courtesy? Are you showing appreciation for one another? All the little micro things that happen with your day to day, okay? If you guys survive the 12 weeks that you're together, and I use the word survive almost as a defeatist point of view, certainly you can give it a go of it. I mean, nothing ventured, nothing gained. The question is, so long as you don't give up your sovereignty because if it doesn't work out, what is your plan? Like I really, a lot of people don't go in with the plan of what to do when it doesn't work out. They're always focused on what does, like the hope versus the real preparation. So, hey, you know, I've known you for months now. I mean, this is new news. Thank you for sharing this. You must share this with the group. So we all know. Billwind, it's all happened so very fast. And that's why I'm saying to you, does this sound all too quick for you? He's doing eight dates with me. We're doing that together. He's Rachel Book, so he's rated the four agreements. He's in about 10 of your books. I mean, this guy- I want to address something. Let me interrupt. You said, are we going too fast? Well, I mean, from a spiritual perspective, time is an illusion. But I don't subscribe to fast or slow, okay? What I subscribe to is being in your own lane, okay? Being in your own sovereignty, your own power. And look at, many of you know, Marie and I moved in together rather quickly. It was five months after we met. Was that too fast? I don't know. All I know is I had an amazing experience. We weren't meant to go the distance and we left in a very conscious uncoupling. I mean, and I don't regret every second we were together because we were in appreciation with one another. We showed each other respect. And each person is on their own individual journey. I'm okay. And my point in bringing this up is, fast or slow, it's a personal thing. What my most concern is, is don't give your power away. Maybe do that. Or the fantasy. That's the real issue. Don't give your power away to the idealic, the fantasy of what might happen and be really mindful if you're taking red flags and painting them green, okay? Which I talk about incessantly. So, I'm single, one single server, Ava. And one thing I do want to say is that you have just taught me not to hold out any attachment to the outcome. And that helps hugely. If it doesn't work out, well, I'll be okay. I'll be fine. I love myself. And I know that I don't need man. And he doesn't need me. We're both financially stable. As I said, I have my own business. Even though he's met my kids and they really like him and all my family and all of my friends, I really believe that we will be friends if he meets someone else or it doesn't work for some reason or the other. But I do have family in the States and he's with my family. Can I respond to that for a second? Yeah. So I'm gonna say this tongue in cheek, but I love how we rationalize things will be friends, okay? Now let me be tongue in cheek here for a second, okay? So me a friend drives me to the airport. To me a friend is people I get to break bread with. To me a friend is someone I'm gonna share emotional things with, okay? I think it's okay. But by the way, if you're saying, well, at least be a friend. The truth is if you met the love of your life, the day after you broke up, are you really gonna be friends with this person? Okay, number one. Now it's okay to say I'll be friendly to this person, but I don't believe it's healthy to share, to talk about your future dating experiences with a past lover. I think that's just an unhealthy thing to do to talk about your current dating situations with a past lover. I just think that's, it's fraught with, and then by the way, it's not clean, okay? That's just my perception. Take that for what it's worth, okay? So I think what's most important is if you recognize that if the two of you don't work out that you do it consciously, a conscious uncoupling like what Catherine Woodward Thomas talks about in her book, Conscious Uncoupling. Okay? Of course I've made all of you. Yeah, so I just rather than creating a story to kind of justify it, just simply say, you know what? My goal is to go into this passionate and open. And what I mean is open to the experience, detached to the outcome. Now here's the problem. We can still get rather attached to another human being. It's difficult not to get attached. And it's difficult not to get attached to the outcome. If you have a propensity in your past experience to be devastated, to be, you know, to feel heartbroken when something doesn't work out, then you probably are going too fast, okay? If you haven't healed from something like that, okay? You know, but hey, listen, you know what? You're a grown woman, you know, we only live, well, in this lifetime, we only live once. So do what feels right for you, but maintain your sovereignty. Absolutely. And I appreciate your advice. I really do. I mean, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here at all. Well, you know what? Into the one time that we did have a perspective coaching call. I'm here to say I'm happy for you. I'm excited. I wish you all the best. Let me give you a prayer as I take on some more questions before we wrap up. Dear God, universe spirit, we invite in for Deb Locke a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship that starts with individual sovereignty and neither one of you giving your power away to the other person. And the communication and connection between the two of you is rather easy and the banter can go on for hours at a time. And if the two of you do experience a conflict, you're able to resolve the conflicts with ease and that your lifestyles are blendable with one another and you share the same passions doing things together and you also share the same values that builds the deep roots of trust because when two people trust one another, they have the makings for a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship. And I hope you guys have great sex together for many, many, many, many, many, many, many years to come because guess what? What's the point of being with someone if you don't get to fuck them on a regular basis? At least that's my opinion anyway. God, universe, spirit, I invite that in for Deb right now. Amen. Thank you. I appreciate you. And I'm gonna let you know how that goes. Okay, big, gigantic shot and bear hugs. Thanks, Deb.