 All right, let's do this. Now, I've gotten this message a bunch of times from various people and I just got it again from someone, so I'm not singling you out, dude. But the message goes something like this. Hey, Jamie, I wish I could do something like what you're doing, but every time I start to make progress, saving money or working toward the thing, someone pulls the rod out from under me or stabs me in the back or somehow betrays me and takes away all my success. Well, there's a lesson. There's a rule, a general rule that I've learned in my life and actually I've relearned it several times because I've slipped at times. And the rule goes like this. Never leave your success or failure up to someone else. Let me repeat that. Never leave your success or failure up to someone else. That means don't leave yourself open to someone else screwing up what you're trying to do. Now, that's super easy to say. It's a lot harder to actually put into practice. And sometimes you can't put it into practice. All you can do is minimize the risk that that can happen. But whatever you have to do, do it. Now, I've got a few stories to tell you to kind of illustrate how this plays out in real life. And let's start with the earliest time I really remember getting this message into my head and may not have been the first time. It's just the one I remember. It was in grade six and at the end of the year there was a one kilometer fun run. It was called a fun run, but it was a race. So the day of the big race comes and they marked out this big square out in a field, this 500 meter square with traffic cones. And so you had to run around the square twice to run a kilometer. So the race starts and I start running with a bunch of other guys and then there are a few people struggling behind. But pretty early in the race, still easily in the first lap, beginning of the first lap, you were running and up ahead I see this kid sitting right in the middle of the course. And I'm like, well, that's weird. And most of the people ran around him this way. And I and a few other people ran around him this way. And as I got past this kid, I got a glimpse of orange and I look, oh, there's a traffic cone. This kid sitting right in front of one of the traffic cones and I've just gone around and hit the wrong way. So now if I happen to win the race, someone might say, oh, Jamie's disqualified because he went around the cone the wrong way. But then I'm also thinking, this is on a straight part of the course. It doesn't actually matter. I'm not saving any distance, but I'm like, all right, I just need to make a split second decision because I don't have time to waste. So I hit the brakes, ran back, ran around the cone in the right direction, told the kid, get off the cone, no one can see it. And then I'm way behind. So I start running and I catch up. By the time I caught up, I was getting pretty winded. And I was feeling pretty uncomfortable, quite unconfident that I'm gonna be able to finish the race at this pace. But I'm like, well, let's see what I can do. And I'm like, I'm already feeling terrible. Let me just pick up the pace. So I started going faster, no one I'm probably gonna lose it. What I held on, and with a hundred meters left, it was me and Craig. Craig was right here. And we were running a hundred meters left. I'm giving it everything I've got. And I'm just thinking, oh, great. I've got no finishing sprint because I blew that in the great cone disaster of lap one. There's no way I have any finishing kick. I'm giving it everything I've got. And I'm just waiting for this guy behind me to do, or beside me to do his finishing kick and take off. But we get to like 50 meters from the finish line and he's not taken off. And I'm like, maybe he's just as tired as I am. Just keep going, just keep going. So I keep running with 20 meters left. I can't see him there anymore. And he's not in front of me. So I figured he must be behind me. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna win. So I crossed the finish line first and I splattered on the grass, just feeling amazing. I was like, wow, man, I worked hard for that. I earned that. Man, I feel great right now. I just had this, I was basking in my own pride. I was like, this is excellent. I can't believe I won, that was great. It wasn't like, it was just some silly sixth grade race, but it felt pretty good to me because I worked hard and I achieved something. And then maybe 10 minutes later, I'd caught my breath and I hear these two kids talking to the gym teacher, the gym teacher who organized this race. And they say to her, hey, Jamie's disqualified because he went around one of the cones the wrong way. He's disqualified, he didn't win the race. And she's like, oh, and I'm like, oh, seriously? So then another kid, luckily it was standing there. And he's like, oh no, no, no, I was there. I saw what happened. He went around the cone the wrong way and then he ran back and ran around the cone the right direction. And the cone was on a straightaway anyway, so it doesn't even matter, but he went around the right way anyway so there's nothing you guys can say. So those two guys were like, all right, fine. And what I learned in that moment was that when I hit the brakes and went back around the cone and put the extra effort in to make sure no one could disqualify me, it was worth it. And I made a mental note, anytime I'm in that situation, if there's some extra effort I can do to protect myself from someone else messing up my success, make sure I do it. Now that lesson didn't always stick. At this point, I've gotten the lesson enough times that I've got it pretty good. But let me give you a story, another running story when I slipped. Now this was when I was going to university. I'd been recruited to run middle distance, 400 meters, 800 meters, 1500. And first year, long story short, I got in this fight with the coach who was coaching middle distance. He was also the head coach, which made it even more difficult to deal with. So I got in a fight with this guy basically because all of his athletes were injured and I was like starting to get injured and I was like, whoa, this is not cool. Anyway, I was off the team, but I managed to negotiate that if I ran a certain number of more races with him, then I could train with a different coach. He was like, then you can do whatever the hell you want, I don't care. I was like, okay, I can switch events, train with a different coach, fine. So the second year, I switched to Decathlon. Despite everyone saying you can't go from middle distance to Decathlon, that's like middle distance to like sprints and power. You can't do that. But anyway, I always felt like I could do good in this. So I go up to the coach who's doing this stuff and I'm like, hey, can I train with you now? And she's like, what? So I basically gave the rough explanation and she's like, all right, well, let's see what you got. That second year, the first year I was training for Decathlon. Oh, and anyone who doesn't know what Decathlon is, it's 10 events over two days. Basically you do every event at the track meet and then you get score based on that. And whoever got the highest score wins. And they don't have a Decathlon at every meet. They don't have it at like the world championships and the Olympics, but you have to have at least a two day track meet to do it because it takes two days to do it. But then there's also the indoor version, which is the pentathlon, which you can do in one day. So there were a lot more pentathlons that I could do. There's only one big Decathlon at the end of the year at the New England Championships. But anyway, that first year that I was training, I come up to the first pentathlon I'm doing and I won it. I did not win my first middle distance race and I did not even have that much fun running my first middle distance race. But here I am. This is the first time I've been training for less than a year. I won the first competition and I loved it. It was so fun. And I won a whole bunch of other stuff. And then it got to the end of the year and then there's the big Decathlon. And I have to tell you this whole story of this sometime, but basically I won it pretty comfortably. And then after the Decathlon, after doing all 10 events, I did the four by four, the four by 400 meters. And I ran the 400 meters in 47 seconds, which is pretty fast for anyone who doesn't know. It's faster than I'd ever run it even when I was only training for running. So like, I was in the zone. I was on fire. This multi-coach and I, multi-event coach and I, we were working together. We were just like yelling. Just, I mean, everything was going great. If anyone, anyone who does sports, who's ever been in the zone, you'll know that the amazing feeling, like when you're in the zone, just everything is going right. The problem with the zone is it's super easy to get knocked out of the zone. Cause if you, if you change a habit or you think about the wrong thing, like you can get knocked out of the zone like that. But I was so excited about what I was doing. I was in the zone. I was, I was just killing it. So then third year comes along and this coach that I'd been in the fight with, he starts getting involved with my training because he sees that I'm doing really well running and he wants me to run and at nationals on his relay team, blah, blah, blah. So I start getting these injuries again. So one day, and I didn't quite get an injury yet, but one day I show up to practice and I'm like, coach, if I run today, I'm going to pull a muscle. I'm like right on the verge. And when you're, when you're training for these kinds of performance events where you're trying to max out a performance, you're basically training right up to the point where you're about to in get injured or burnout or collapse, like right up to that point. But then you got to stop right before that. That's like when you're in the zone. So I'm like, Hey, I'm right there. I'm, I can't run today. You know, I'm going to blow something out. So I need to take today off, maybe tomorrow and then I should be good. And then we'll just, we'll just carry on. And I'm thinking this is a no brainer. Like this, this, this lady and I, my coach, we've, we're tight. You know, I'm in the zone with her. We're like, we're like bosom buddies. And she says, okay, well, let's see what you can do. I was like, what do you mean? Well, we'll get your shoes on. Let's, let's do the workout. And I was like, no, no, no, you don't understand. If I run today, I'm going to be hurt. Like I am right on the edge of like pulling a muscle. I just need to warm up, stretch, you know, get loosened up and then go home today. I can't do a workout. She's like, well, I mean, you know, hold back a little bit. And I'm like, no, you don't understand. You don't understand. I'm in the zone right now. I've, I've got a habit right now. I've trained myself. If I am on the track, I am going a hundred percent. If I, if I break that, then I'm not going to automatically go a hundred percent is getting, it's going to mess the whole thing up. You're not listening to me. So an hour and a half later after this, this coach I'd been in a fight with, gets involved. And then the trainers get involved. The trainers are like the physical therapists. And they're like, oh, this is just muscle soreness. And I'm like, what are you talking about? How many years have I been training? I know what muscle soreness is. I don't, I don't skip a workout because of muscle soreness. Anyway, finally got to the point where I was like, oh my gosh, I'm about to get knocked out of the zone. Cause in my zone, I need to have this tight relationship with my coach. Cause we've come into this zone together. That's part of the thing. And if she's not, if we're not tight anymore, that changes it and I'm out of the zone. I got to restart it. So I'm like, what do I need to do to maintain the zone? What's my only chance to stay in the zone and keep this thing going? So I go up to her and say, okay, look, coach, you know, I can't be in this conflict with you. I got to be together with you. So I'm going to trust you and please trust me. When I tell you, I should not run today, but I'm going to do whatever you think. So she's like, okay, let's go. And when I said all that, I had to mean it to have any chance of staying in the zone. So I ran and I pulled a hip flexor. Hip flexor is like the muscle that lifts up your knees. Kind of important for running and jumping and like a lot of the events I was doing. Not a good thing to pull. So I should have stopped right there. I mean, I should have stopped many points along this downward spiral, but I didn't want to miss nationals. I had all this stuff coming up. So I kept competing and I was basically limping because one leg, I couldn't lift my knee. So I was just kind of like dragging it behind me almost. And I saw, I got one of my friends to video when I was running at one of the track meets just to confirm that it was as bad as I felt. And yeah, I was running all weird and limping, but I was still running pretty fast because I was in amazing shape. I just wasn't improving anymore. So after nationals, well, before nationals, I was like, coach, after nationals, I'm going to need two weeks of just recovery. Cause like I'm getting in pretty rough shape here. And at that point I'd like pulled the other hip flexor and I was just kind of like, I was still running decent times because I was in great shape, but I was just slowly falling apart. So she's like, okay, after nationals, two weeks, rest, no problem. So I run nationals the day after she's like, okay, let's do sprints. Well, this went on until one day I came to practice at the beginning of the outdoor season and I said, hey, coach, I can't run. And she said, okay, well, we'll get your shoes. Let's go. And I was like, no, you don't understand. I cannot run a single step. I didn't even run to the track today. And the track is like miles away from where we start. And she's like, what are you talking about? Just get your stuff. And I'm like, you don't understand. I've got this injury, this one, I pulled a hamstring. I cannot run. It's actually difficult to walk right now. I can't run today or tomorrow. I'm like done for the season. And she's like, why, why are you saying this? I'm like, you haven't been listening. I've been telling you this for months. And it's just been getting worse and worse. And she's like, oh, you're not going on about that again, are you? And at that point I was like, oh. And she's like, okay, I guess I'm gonna walk home now. And she's like yelling at the back of my head as I walked out on practice. And from that point, I didn't run a step for seven months and I was counting because I was used to running every day. Not a step for seven months. It was hard to even walk. And then I started running a little bit again. It took about three or four years before I was back to healthy and then strong because all this stuff had atrophied while I was not running and couldn't exercise. It was terrible. So years, I suffered for years because of this stupid situation because I left my successor failure up to this woman. Now, let's back up. Let's say during that amazing year, that amazing second year at university, at college, when everything was going so well, I was getting in the zone, I was on fire. What if I had maintained distance between me and this coach mentally? Like I just kind of kept up a little barrier and said, okay, coach, you are an accessory. Everything that's important and necessary is right here. And you are expendable if I kept that mentality. Then on the day when I came to her and said, hey, I shouldn't run today because I'm gonna pull a muscle, she would have said, okay, let's go. And I would have been like, oh, no. You're not important enough to make that decision. I am going home and not running today. I'll see you in a few days. And then I would have gone and just done whatever I need to do to recover, to loosen up and get whatever. And then she would be angry and frustrated. She would be so angry with me. But a week later, I'd win some competition and she'd get over it. And that would be it. Now, what if it turns out she was trustworthy? What if I came in that day and said, hey, I shouldn't run today because I'm about to pull a muscle and she said, hey, you know your body, you know what's going on. Okay. If I trusted her, fine. If I'd not trusted her, fine. It doesn't change either way. The only time there's a problem is if I trust her and she betrays me. Not trusting her, not putting too much trust in her has no serious ill effect. And by not trusting her, I mean not trusting her with anything beyond what I need to trust her with. So that was the time that I really slipped and I let it go way too far. Now, let me give you another time. This is a business example when I was on top of it because this had happened after the thing I just told you about a couple of years after that. I had this situation where I had a business with this woman and she'd started the business before me and then I came on board and then we combined our powers and made this business to get really successful and we're doing very well. And in this business, it doesn't matter what we're doing, but we spent a lot of time traveling, driving around the country in a van or sometimes a truck we rented. So we spent a lot of time together just driving. So we talked. So pretty soon I learned that she was a serious hardcore feminist. And she had some things to say about men that were not the greatest. And I was like, okay, well, that's a bit of a concern. So let me just make sure I do what I need to protect myself from this woman because eventually this is probably gonna blow up. But right now the business is going well, we're enjoying ourselves, we're making good money, it's going well, so I don't wanna pack it in. Let's just go. But I did a whole bunch of things to make sure I protected myself, which I'll get into in a second. So a year goes by, things are going great. And I'd been saving money and I bought some land. And on the trip after I bought this land, we're in the van and one of the first things we talk about is, hey, what have you been doing the last few days? And I'm thinking, well, I just bought some land. I'm not sure if I should tell you that or not. But obviously you're gonna find out. And I might as well find out if you're gonna be jealous and weird about it now because right now I'm paid up to date. Now, the way the money worked is she started the business so the bank accounts were originally in her name. And I was like, just keep it that way. Keep them in your name and then just pay me out of it every few weeks. And I made sure I never got more than two weeks behind. So sometimes I was paid a little bit ahead. Sometimes I was paid a little bit behind. I never let myself get paid too far behind though. So if two weeks went by and I hadn't been paid for that two weeks, I made sure I was paid for that. And then I'd usually get paid for like another week or two. So at that point in time, I was like, okay, I'm paid up to the end of this job. So I've got low financial risk at this point. So I was like, okay, well, I just bought 25 acres of land. And she just turned red. Like it was almost like steam was coming out of her ears. And she started breathing. Like the exorcist. Like I'm not exaggerating. She turned beat red and like totally lost it. But she was trying so hard to hold it together. And I was like, I see what's going on here. So after like a minute, she calmed herself down and I said, so where'd you get the money for that? And I said, oh, well, you know, I've been saving money over the last year from what we've been making. And I was like, well, what do you, you know, what are you, are you planning to do anything with the money you've saved over the last year? And she's like, just getting redder and redder. She had not saved any of the money that she made. And we were equal partnership. She'd made the same amount of money that I did. You know, everything was after business expenses. She made the same money as me. She hadn't saved anything. Now in her angry feminist mind, this was a man getting ahead while she was being victimized or some insane thing that made no sense. Had nothing to do with the fact that I saved money and she just spent it all, which is what actually happened. So the rest of that job was a little bit weird. It was like a week long job of kind of like increasing tension. But we got back from the job and I seriously considered at the end of that job just cutting, you know, trying to make a clean break from the business. Cause I was like, this isn't gonna last. But I was thinking about it and I was like, no, I'm paid up to the end of this job. So that's not a lot of, that doesn't leave me a lot of buffer. What if she looks in the records and it turns out I'm paid for an extra few hours or something, then I'm gonna owe her. I'm gonna be entangled in this woman's life. And I'm like, okay, let me think of what I need to do to make a clean break using everything I've kind of like taken care of throughout the year. So we had another job coming up that was like a three day job, two or three day job. I think it was a three day job. So I was like, all right, I'm just gonna do that next job. And I know there's no way I'm getting paid for it unless I take her to court or something, but whatever. So I went and did that job. That was the most uncomfortable, socially uncomfortable, awkward three days of my life. But I was mentally prepared for it because I knew what was coming. So we're sitting in the van and she kept trying to start arguments with me. And I just kept steering us back onto business. So she'd say something that's meant to some rude thing that's supposed to get more rude and like get me worked up so that I would say something rude and then the whole conversation would be that I've said something rude. I know how this goes. So I just, every time she said something, I was just like, oh, so do you know what exit we're pulling off up here? You know how far it is? Oh, okay. Oh, when we get there, do we need key cards? What's the, what's the entrance situation? You know, is there a code or anything? You know, every time she said something, I would just bring it back to some business related topic. And at the end of the first day, she just gave up and for like two days, we didn't say a word to each other. It was uncomfortable. But I was like, fine. I made sure I didn't eat anything on business expenses or anything. I was just like, let's just get the job done. So we got back with the van, parked the van, and then one of us usually drove out. So we got in one of our cars and then drove home, dropped the other one off, whatever. Now, as soon as she was gone, I was apart from her. I got in my car, drove back to the van, opened the van with my key and grabbed my tool bag. Now my tool bag was where all of my stuff was and none of her stuff. Now at times she tried to mix our stuff up and I made it clear right at the beginning that everything of mine would stay in this tool bag and nothing of hers would be in there. So all our stuff would be separate. And I just made the excuse that, you know, well, if one day I need to grab my tools for something, then I won't accidentally like take your phone with me or something. So just, you know, all my stuff will be in this bag, everything I own in the van, and all your stuff is separate. That was one of the things I made sure of the whole year. So I opened the van, grabbed my tool bag, and I knew I didn't have to look in the rest of the van because nothing else of mine is in there. It's all in the bag. Closed the door, locked the door, drove back home, had a nice, nice sleep. The next morning, first thing in the morning, she shows up, did you go to the van last night? How does she even know that unless she went to the van too? I was like, yeah, I went to get my tools, you know, I needed them for something. Perfectly reasonable thing for my tools. I gave them, you broke into the van. I was like, well, what do you know? I used the key that I have, that you know I have. That you stole things. I was like, well, I went and took my tools, which are mine, so I can't steal them. But no one gave you permission. I was like, no, you don't understand. These are my things. I don't need permission to have my things. Was anything else missing from the van? No, nothing else was missing from the van, but I didn't say you could take your tools, which was never part of the deal. You gave me that key right now. Oh, look, it's already off my key chain. Here you go. And then she realizes that's not going anywhere. So she starts in with, well, now I'm in a difficult position because I've overpaid you. I've paid you for weeks ahead of time. What am I gonna do? Because you owe me money. And I was like, oh, look at this paper I've got right here because the entire year I had kept records of every job we did. And I made sure I had emails back and forth every time we had a job and every time we were paid. I made sure I emailed her just some mention of it so there was a record of it. So I opened this paper. I'm like, okay, look, here's the jobs you've done. Here's where I've been paid up. Oh, look, the last job we just did, you haven't paid me for that yet. So you owe me, let's see, $1,200. So if you'd like to pursue this, you can pay me $1,200 and then we can talk about it more. Or I'm willing to cut my losses right now and we can just go our separate ways. And she starts with, and I'm like, $1,200. And apparently that was sufficient incentive for her to turn around, walk away. I never heard from her again. And I felt great about, okay, fine, I lost $1,200. I did two, two and a half days of work for free. But that whole year I made a lot more money than that and got away without any problems. Now, if I hadn't taken all those steps to protect myself, she could have gone and taken my tools, which is probably what she did, which was the only reason she could be upset that my tools were not in the van. Why would she even know they weren't in the van unless she was looking for them, right? She, if there was any question about money, she could have come after me. I could have spent $12,000 in lawyers trying to defend myself if I hadn't kept records of everything and emailed and just had this record of everything that we'd done. So that was a time when I really did a good job of covering my own butt in what turned out to be a really disastrous situation. And the funny thing is, in that case and in the case before when I was, when I had the track coach, when everything was going great, everything was great. It wasn't until something went wrong where someone got upset that it all went bad and it went bad, bad. So I have another stupid story. And this one is just to illustrate that when things go wrong, is when you really find out who your friends are. So a lot of people rely on friends. They say, oh, well, my friend would never, would never betray me, I can trust them. And then they get betrayed and they're like, it's not my fault, how does this happen? You don't know who your friends really are until you've tested them with something that, when something went the way they didn't want it to go, then you find out who your real friends are. So one day I was going on a trip and I had to drive to an airport and then get an airplane and fly somewhere. Now from where I lived to the airport, it was like a 45 minute drive. But I had a morning flight and rush hour traffic turns it into like a three hour minimum drive. Which is horrible and it was winter so the roads were bad, it was snow out. So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna drive. I'm gonna get up at like 4 a.m. and drive with no traffic. I'll get there before the traffic and then I'll just take a nap in the airport or whatever. And I was talking to one of my very good friends. This girl that I knew, we'd been through a lot of stuff together. I mean, we were tight, we were good friends up to this point. And I was telling her, yeah, I'm just gonna go to the airport early in the morning, you know, like 4 a.m. or whatever. And she's like, oh no, just come here because she lived like 10 minutes from the airport. No, just come here, stay here, you know, you can sleep on the couch and I'm like, it's Friday night, you're gonna be busy, you get your stuff you're gonna wanna do, it's fine. And she's like, no, no, no, come, come, we'll order a pizza, we'll watch a movie, it'll be great. And I'm like, all right, that sounds pretty good. Okay, I'll be there in an hour or maybe an hour and a half if it's snowy, I don't know, I'll be there soon. So I get in my car and drive, get to her house, she's not there. I call her, no answer. Just to give a spoiler, she was fine, she just went and did something else and felt guilty so she didn't answer my calls. So this was a town where I'd gone to school, I knew hundreds of people in this town. So I called a bunch of our mutual friends to try to track this girl down, make sure she's okay, because I don't know what was going on at this point. And then I had a secondary objective which was to find a backup couch to sleep on just in case I can't find this girl. And after calling a dozen people and I can't find her, not a single one of the, and I started with my closest friends supposedly. After going through a dozen people, not a single person was like, hey, if you don't find her, just stay on my couch, it's no problem, like a friend would do. And at that point, I was like, this is depressing. It was like, this person's not my friend, this person's not my friend, this person's not my friend. I mean, like maybe one or two of them just didn't think about it and spaced out. But I guarantee out of a dozen people, a bunch of them were like, ah, I don't want them to sleep on my house, ah. Okay, good luck with that, you know, whatever. So at that point, I was just like, oh, forget it. I'm not gonna call anyone else. Probably if I kept calling people, I would have found something. But I was like, no, I'm just gonna sleep in my car in the negative 20 degree weather. Sorry, I didn't really sleep. But I'm just gonna suffer. I'm just gonna suffer and I'm gonna let that suffering burn it into my head this lesson that I don't know who my friends are until something goes wrong. And if you do have someone in your life who comes through for you when you need them and it's inconvenient for them, that is the most important person in the world. That is your best friend. That is the person you marry. Now, how to find that person don't even ask me now. I don't know, it's hard to find those people. But I guess the point of what I'm saying here is you can't use other people betraying you as your excuse to not succeed. Yeah, there are a ton of terrible people who will stab you in the back. Even people you think are your friends, they will betray you usually because of jealousy, sometimes because it's just convenient, sometimes because some weird social reason where it's like it's cool to betray you but not cool to help you or whatever. Most people, if they get a chance to screw up your dream, they will do it out of jealousy or spite or something. And often they'll just kind of pretend they didn't do it. Like stick their foot out and trip you and they'll just be like, oh, well, I didn't really do that, but they will do it. So it's up to you to protect yourself as much as you can. Do whatever you need to do. If you have to do extra effort, if you have to work overtime, instead of relying on someone else to take care of something, if you have to get a, if you're starting a business with someone and you're getting a loan, maybe you need to get a loan for yourself and you need to get a loan for them so you have separate loans, you pay off yours, they pay off theirs. I mean, there are all kinds of things you can do to just protect yourself. So never leave your success or failure up to someone else. I can't believe I just talked for half an hour. Sheesh.