 Five minutes, okay, and if anyone needs to go to the bathroom or you want Debbie's packing up now but if you need to go get something you may and Whatever else you need to do All right, I'm nearly 30 years old and my mom isn't improving my relationship with the young man I've been dating he is a Christian as I am she does everything out of a way to stop me from dating him And she has strong convictions That he's unsaved am I being disobedient to my mom by continuing dating this young man She doesn't give me valid reasons that he's unsaved. I think she may be holding on me too tightly am I wrong Well, there's a lot of information here. I don't have I don't know if there's a father in the picture And so that makes a big difference But I would listen to your father and your mother I Wished I had listened to my father and my mother when I was dating a man and my dad told me to stop dating him And I didn't and he ended up starting to physically abuse me and after my husband I got married he went to prison for 20 years and not for beating me but Anyway, and he claimed I thought he was a Christian too my dad kept saying He's you know Susie. I want you to stop dating him and so I would listen to your parents They have a lot of insight and wisdom. Maybe you don't have but I'd also appeal to them you're 30 years old I would ask why maybe sit down Maybe they just don't know him well enough If there's a father involved you and your mother and your father need to sit down with this young man and maybe ask some questions I know before my kids got married We had my son's fiance You know over for several weeks and we got to know her she stayed with us and same with him He went out to Washington and stayed there And so his her parents got to know him and before that my son was dating a gal at the master's college And I he asked me to spend some time with her and I did one day we were up there visiting and After spending a couple hours were through in the hotel room. I said Charles break up and break up fast I said this woman is and she was at the master's college and he did he honored me and About three or four months later. She was disciplined out of the school. So there were some serious issues there So parents a lot of times have wisdom that we don't see as children So if I could live my life over again, I would listen to my parents far more than I did But I am not saying your fiance or boyfriend's not saved. I don't know I had need a lot more information so whoever this is if you want to Email me when I get home text me if I'm delayed at Orlando come see me in the airport I Will have all kinds of time to answer your questions not that I have all the answers believe me Matthew 12 says you'll give an account for every careless word if the Okay, sometimes I can't believe if a believer is saved by grace alone will they also have it again account for their word well Paul says in not Hebrews 9 27 it's appointed unto me and once to die and after this the judgment We also are talked about told in 1st Corinthians 7 that our works are going to be burned as by fire So we're gonna stand before the Lord and there's some kind of accounting for our works It could be attitudes. It could be motives We are saved by faith alone through grace alone We are going to stand before the Lord Justified as if we have never sinned. That's how he looks at us now But that doesn't mean there's no accounting for our lives And so we're gonna give an account for everything we've done in our body whether it's good or bad So I can't just ignore those passages So I don't know how it all flesh is out. I'm not God and I'm not in charge of the great right throne judgment but We should live in holy fear right and we should fear the Lord without holiness. No one will see the Lord and so Yeah, we are saved by faith through grace alone and if you're saved you're saved You're not gonna get lost But that doesn't give you a king's ex for words that you shouldn't speak, right? So Yeah, and there's a lot more I could say on that And when it means an accounting here give an account for every careless word Again, we stand before the Lord and we give an account for everything done in our body whether it's good or bad That could include some words or things that we've done deeds in our body Okay, what do you do with someone who like and I really don't understand this question all because I guess I'm just not in the know I'm in not in the loop. So I don't know how I'm gonna answer this question So I'm not really sure what's asking here. What do you do with someone who like the blacksmith means you and your family harm? How do you forgive these kinds of serious and detrimental tax? I'm not sure what blacks me blacksmith means, but for anyone that does serious harm sexual abuse child abuse rape Murder How do we forgive these kinds of serious and detrimental attacks? I think we forgive in the sense that we have to look back to the cross We look at the one who's forgiven a lot. We look I always give the example of Joseph He was thrown in a pit that was certainly abuse He was falsely accused by Potiphar's wife. That certainly was wrong What his brothers did to him was wrong But still he forgave and we can forgive even the most horrific Things that go on in our life Because of the grace of God and because he has forgiven us. I I'm not trying to Minimize the situation. I don't even know what the situation is. I would encourage you to find a good friend Someone that can help you through the scriptures to work through the hurt very difficult times in our life And I can't explain things that have happened to me that I have been able to forgive others for I can't explain it apart from The grace of God. He just gives me that ability to forgive the most horrific things I was talking to a gal in Another state where I was speaking and she came up to me after the conference. She was just in tears and She was talking about before Christ. She was an alcoholic and She Was killed somebody when she was drinking and driving and of course she was put into prison and uh, she said but the parents of the Man she killed came to prison and shared the gospel with her and she became a christian And she's now serving in prison ministries and she said but I just can't It's hard for me to get over the fact that I killed somebody and I said but god But god who is rich and mercy brought his parents there They forgave you for killing their son And then they shared the gospel the son of jesus christ so or the son of god, so We're trying to i'm trying to help her with a little bit of that now But we can I don't know how you I can't explain it because it's not a it's not a natural thing to forgive It it's supernatural it comes from god And he he does give us that ability Okay, what if I don't want to reconcile? Avoidance is not forgiveness, but what if everything is fine as long as we avoid one another Am I the one with no desire to reconcile? Yeah, I would say that's a problem. I don't think You know jesus had three close friends peter james and john he had 12 disciples But he had three very close ones and john the disciple he loved I don't think we have to be best friends with everybody in our church or Our family or anything like that, but I do think that we're kind jesus was kind to the thankful and the and the evil We're to be kind to our enemies. We're to pray for our persecutors and so Avoidance is not forgiveness, but I don't think that you they have to be your chummy friends But I still think you treat them with kindness and grace my husband recently has been saying from the pulpit We don't endure people. We encourage people So I've been very convicted. There's some people, you know, quite frankly, I think I endure And but I need to encourage not endure and so I think we still keep trying to to love one another with a pure heart fervently And so ask god to give you the grace to love this person And again, it doesn't mean you have to be best buds But you do need to be kind and to behave as a believer What is the most gracious way to Approach a sister whom I love whose children are destructive and disobedient whenever they come to my house for a day She seems unconcerned about the damage and messes. They leave behind. Well, I've had that happen many times in my home We've had some interesting times through the years where we've had children that have climbed on the dining room table while we're eating thrown uh things at my grandfather clock And one specific time my husband said we're having so-and-so for dinner and I had never never never met so-and-so So so-and-so came over had two children and the one of them walked in my room She goes I want to eat and I want to eat now. I'm like, okay And I told my husband I said I don't ever want to have them over again So we've had things in fact one time we had some people over and I told the little boy to stop throwing things at my head I had a live Benjamin Ficus in my home and I said you need to stop stop throwing because the parents weren't doing anything And I said please stop throwing those things at my plant and he wouldn't so my husband went over grabbed him by his arm wept him a few times. I was like, oh boy That's the end I was like I was like that's going to be the end of that friendship but uh It wasn't it wasn't and they're still friends with us today and Our kids were the same age and we got together a lot, but he just they he wouldn't obey So to answer the question I don't spank their kids but But I would you need to admonish your friend you really do I would I whoever this is I would admonish her I would go through the principles and proverbs. I would ask her for she hates her children and if she says Uh, no, I would say yes you do You hate your son. That's what that's what proverbs says he who spares the rod hates his son You hate your son and I would go through all the passages lovingly but kindly and proverbs and Ephesians about parenting you might need to get her a good parenting book and um But I would just go through all that with her and and if they continue You might have to limit the amount of time they come over, you know If they're if the kids can't behave and and usually what I'll do I had a situation where I was babysitting somebody and it didn't go well and I told the mom what happened after she got there And uh, she said well you have permission to spank her and it wasn't good And I I told my kids when I start babysitting my grandkids There I want to I want to be a part but let to know in our home These are the rules and that might be a good thing when the kids come in say, you know This is our home as for me in my house We serve the lord and so these are the rules while you all are here And I wanted you to enjoy my home But you really can't jump on the furniture and throw things at my grandfather clock and you know Things like that. So That's that's challenging and you know, I will say I'm very concerned about what I'm seeing in the church today with parenting I I'm just appalled the things that I see in the church that would never have been allowed where I was growing up That the should the disrespect the disobedience and parents do not do anything They're ignoring it and not parenting their children and ladies are we're going to be accountable for that We are to to love bring up our children in the nurture. That's encouragement and admonition discipline So you encourage but you also discipline your children Okay, I need wisdom on reconciling quickly But building trust if it's broken example in marriage husband left but now open to possibly reconciling You can reconcile and I I think building trust takes time it doesn't come overnight Especially if there's been infidelity adultery something like that I I do think you can reconcile and marriages can be restored But I do think trust takes time. I don't think it happens overnight You know when gomer committed adultery hosea Brought her back, but he built some boundaries there So if your husband's got issues with pornography or adultery, I think there should be an accounting of his time He might need to ditch his cell phone or whatever it takes and so it takes time to build trust so don't Don't be too concerned about that But keep trying to build the trust that was broken But I think yet that'll be hard to do without accountability for him just making sure he's doing the right thing um How do we settle squabbles between non-believing family members for relationship where there's unhealthy treatment? How do we approach uh asking for forgiveness and loving them even when hurt versus repeatedly? They hurt us repeatedly Is it wrong to have no contact with them if we've tried to express our love for them and still receive hurtful treatment? Um, you know we my husband, I both had these situations happen in our family Um, there was a time his dad told him to divorce me because I wasn't a fan. I wasn't a blood relative Okay, that'd be weird if I was a blood relative but um And his dad was not a believer at that time and so my husband cut off we had to cut ties with him he was um, you know, he just basically said i'm not gonna support your Going to seminary. I'm not gonna fund it. He had already offered to fund Doug seminary education And he said i'm not gonna do that unless you divorce your wife and so Doug said i'm not divorcing my wife so anyway, um So we cut off there was a period of time Then with my own mother who's now gone Uh, there was a time my husband had me cut off my relationship with her for about a year because she was just not It was not wise which she was doing our phone call conversations were not going in a god-honoring way And he just asked me to hold off contact with her for a year and I did it was very difficult But I did result in good things afterwards Um Because she was it was just not good how it was going. So I do think there are situations in families Uh, where you might have a period of time where you have to just pull back Jesus did sometimes he was around his parents and his his family and other times he pulled back away from them And so I think it takes wisdom takes discernment might need some counseling in this talk to your pastor Um, but there are times I think when we might have to and lovingly do it Um, and I know it's hard. It's difficult But sometimes for a while a brief period of time I think it might be wise and it might be permanent depending on what kind of things have gone on That you might have to of course if anyone is Disciplined out of a church, you know, we're not to eat with such a one and not to fellowship That was really hard. My my my sister-in-law was once Disciplined out of our church and we had to sit down with my husband's mother and tell her why we couldn't come to Christmas and Thanksgiving and that was really hard. She wasn't a christian. She didn't understand it and so Um, anyway, we sat down with the bible and tried to explain that to her so Family relationships are hard, right? The man's enemies or they have his own household It's rough How do you resolve a squabble with an unbeliever who continually pushes your buttons to speak to spark confrontation? Yeah, that's hard some women are I don't know if it's a woman but some some and men can be like that too, but Continually wants to push your buttons. Yeah, I've been around people like that. I personally the way I handle that I do try to love them and try not to avoid them But I don't try to I don't share a lot of things with them I've learned and I try to be gracious and kind But I don't Cuddle up to them. If you know what I mean, I just I try to be You know kind to them, but I I think we We can like the bible says flee, you know, there's no temptation taking you But such as common demand but god is faithful who will not permit you to be tempted above that You're able and then it says flee so sometimes you just need to you know get avoid the situation If you know that she is just she or he Is just going to try to push your buttons or if they're oversensitive or they just like to be divisive It says a man who's divisive you get away from him So if that's what they're doing then I would limit my time with them But I also would lovingly I think you need to confront them too lovingly You know, why are you doing this seems like every time we get together you just want to argue You just want to why you're oversensitive we need to and maybe try to help them How do you deal with someone who's overly sensitive and easily offended? Well, there we go. I just answer that question Sit down and talk with them. I I do know people like that and those kind of people are very hard to be around And you just might ask him what how come have you ever wondered why you are so sensitive or Do you ever wonder why you're so easily offended? It seems like you know, we can't really talk without you being offended Have you ever wondered why Have you ever thought about looking in the word and see what god says about this? And so Maybe uh, you approach it that way Okay, and these are all kind of on the same thing what motivated you to memorize the new testament. How long did it take? How can we memorize books of the bible? How are you able to remember what you've memorized? While working on other passages of scripture What is your plan? How do you do it? Etc. Okay, so these are all on scripture memory. Uh, what motivated me. I don't really know my husband Like I said had most of the new testament memorized when I met him And so he asked me if I had anything memorized when we were dating and I said, yeah, john 316 man I can quote it to you too And I also knew the romans road so I knew that And uh, so anyway, he said no a book. Have you ever memorized a book? And I said no A book of what? A book of the bible so he encouraged me he shared me his with me his method and I did memorized colossians I was 18 And then I didn't pick it up again until god saved me at the age of 30 And I think what motivated me was I just I had a and I still do I have it's actually my favorite spiritual discipline I love memorizing scripture. I just I there's so much insight Into it meditating on it all the time. It's it's I've gotten to know god In a way that I never could imagine I'm able to help people Um, and I want to help women and so I'm able to recall things to be able to help them Um, so I guess the lord put that burning in my heart and I just want to keep memorizing I love it. Um, how long did it take you? I started seriously at 30 and I finished the new testament about a year and a half ago And since then I've memorized ecclesiastes and I'm in about to finish genesis chapter 7 So I'm working through genesis How can you memorize I would encourage you because a lot of these on how I do it Um, I have a youtube on it where I taught what's in the booklet that I think we sold out of it Um, but I do have a method that I use that my husband taught me Um, I use his method. I think it's very helpful I I put on just real quickly put on with my own voice On some type of recording system, whatever I'm memorizing I use my phone now To record I have a recording app and I just record as fast as I can In the beginning god created they have in the earth and earth without form and void And darkness on the face of the deep and spirit of god moved upon the face of the waters And god said let there be life and I so I put it on as fast as I can So I put on genesis one and then I'm listening to it and the reason I do it fast Is because they say your brain picks up things Quicker and easier if you listen to something on a fast speed then instead of a slow speed your brain's not about Not going to pick it up quite as as fast, but I also make a copy out of my bible So whatever I memorize I you know put on the copy machine and I take a I Have with me and my folder in there. I have genesis Six and seven and part of genesis eight because on the plane, you know as we circled for Almost 30 minutes coming here and I kept thinking why are we circling? We're not going anywhere And then he said we're going to Atlanta not Orlando. I was like, oh, okay So while we're sitting circling over some cloud I kept seeing that for the 30 minutes I thought well, I can be working on my memory work So I just always have it with me it folds nicely and I always have it with me and I do just like everybody else does Phrase by phrase, you know Paul and apostle Jesus Christ or in the beginning god created the heavens and the earth And your form of void and darkness is on the face of the deep So you have one done you go to verse two and verse three and you're always reviewing verse two one two and three And pretty soon you have the chapter done and the key to remembering it and this is what when somebody asks How do I remember all of it is review once I finish a book of the bible? I try to review it every day for 30 days Not the larger books like luke or matthew But the smaller books I try to review every day for 30 days the larger books I try to review when I finish one of the chapters For every day for 30 days and once you review it like that once you review it for 30 days Out loud you can't just read it. You have to review it out loud You pretty much have it and then I just have a review system where I try to review everything within a two-week period of time So that's how I and as I'm getting older. I find myself I'll be saying I'll be in one book and I end up in another book and I'm like, where is that passage? So I'm noticing as I age, you know that it's getting a little bit harder to retain everything But I'm going to keep doing it. I love it. And uh, it's been a joy It's been one of the greatest joys of my life actually Is memorizing. I think that was all how do we memorize? Yeah, and how long did it take me? Oh, I started 30 and I told you already. Okay, and I'm 65 that tells you anything That tells you a lot so for 30 35 years. Okay. That's the memory too. All right And if I don't answer your question sufficiently Um Email me. I always say this and nobody ever e-smails me about any questions. So but I'm happy to try to answer Okay outwardly we get along with everyone cause no divisions when another woman is controlling or contentious We respond calmly and with kindness and love But then we notice that immediately we can be resentful and have a critical spirit towards the other person So how do we deal with this? Well, you've got to take of the take care of the issue of your heart And again, I would encourage you memorize to find some passages that would deal with that the inner person of the heart I know when I am Dealing with thoughts in my mind either resentment bitterness Things like that all reign my mind in you know, peter says gird up the loins of your mind So you want to gird up the loins of your mind? You want to take every thought captive to the obedience of christ lord? I know that this is not a right thought. I'm thinking bitter thoughts towards this person I would like to kill this person right now And so would you help me help me and then renew your mind with scripture? That's what paul says in romans don't be conformed to this world But be transformed by renewing your mind And so you need to renew your mind with the scriptures And so what I I just make myself I I stop thinking that thought and I start thinking god's thoughts. What would god have me to be thinking right now? How can I be loving this person? How can I be? Stopping this resentful critical attitude. And so I would say that's the whole issue You don't want to work on the outward man. That's just legalism and Phariseeism You want to work on the heart and so the only thing that's going to transform your heart is how you think as a man thinks in his heart So is he it's not what you think you are. It's what you think You are so You want to put on the word of god How do you explain how do you explain what a christian is without getting in a dispute on how to get saved? Um, I just give them the gospel. I mean if they if they're angry about it Um Jesus says don't cast your pearls before swine or give holy things to dog least they turn and lacerate you So but you give the gospel, uh, you don't have to be You win them by your behavior, but also how you share with all humility and honesty And you share the gospel you you point out their need for a savior that they're a sinner they need a savior and uh, you give them the facts of the gospel repentance the lordship of christ and If they argue I would just stop I It's very difficult to share the gospel with someone who's argumentative And it's very difficult to share the gospel with someone who doesn't even believe that the bible is the word of god So you're kind of doing what jesus says don't do stop giving out truth to those kind of people But pray and ask god to soften their heart and open the opportunity if that would be his perfect will Is the doctrine of election a secondary issue? Um, I don't think so at all. I mean there's so many passages on that We're elected before the foundation of the world. Jesus says you didn't choose me, but I chose you and ordained you um, there's so many passages on Uh pax says something about as many as many as were ordained to eternal life believed Um, so there's a lot of passages on the doctrine of election. So no, I wouldn't consider it a secondary issue I think it's a primary doctrine The doctrine of election How do we create a women's ministry that's focused on learning about god? Well The word of god, I'm sorry when when Women's ministries. Oh my I get so many Calls and emails about that women are sick of it. They really are they're tired Of the fluff They're tired of going to these women's events and it's no different than going to the bar with your girlfriends there's nothing of substance and so You know the foundation for women's ministry certainly should be under the authority of the elders in your church But it should be the word of god That doesn't mean you can't do other books. We we do other books from time to time during the summer We've gone through several books, but they're always approved by the elder board But our elders have decided for our church that we will just teach the word of god Um, that's it. That's what's going to help the women in your church Um, I would really encourage you not to have a ministry focused on what I call fluff puff It's not going to help the women and the women that I talked to that that contact me They don't like it and they they've quit going They said I've stopped going to our ladies whatever it is Because I I come home. I go. What was that about? so Ladies you want your ministry without we also at our church. We have a very active Titus 2 ministry So we not only have the ladies coming for bible study each week But we also have women in the church that are discipling women And so those those kinds of things are going throughout all the week too And that's something that we're commanded to do is disciple others So the one-on-one is very beneficial And so we have the Titus 2 ministry and the women's bible study Philippians 4 who is yoke folk you mentioned this near clement. All he says is my companion. He doesn't say who it is Uh, somebody must have been in compa in Somebody who was a companion to paul in the ministry, but we don't have a name for that person Is forgiven us to be unconditional In all cases, you know that depends some people interpret luke 17 if your brother repents forgive him So some people hold j. Adams was one who held to this view that forgiveness was conditional The condition is if they repent if they don't repent you don't forgive them the problem I have with that view is What is what did jesus mean when he says when you stand pray forgive Our father who heaven forgive us our debts as we Forgive others and james says if you don't show mercy you won't be shown mercy So I have a little bit of problem with that Um, I do think that we if you don't forgive you risk the chance of bitterness and resentment and hatred and who knows what else So, um, but I know there are some that hold to that view that forgiveness is is conditional If my church has a female staff member who's occasionally giving a sermon Am I sinning by going to this church? Well Remember now we might disagree but um Paul says I permit not a woman to teach her usurp authority over a man So and it's talking about member first timothy is talking about how you behave yourself in the house of god So if a woman is standing up and preaching to a mixed audience, she is sinning. Are you sinning by going there? I don't know. Are you for me? It would be wrong. I would not be able to do that in clear conscience Um, so I would encourage you to perhaps find another church if they're compromising in that area More than likely there's other compromises. You might just not know about them yet So you might be wise and prudent to sit down and talk with your pastor to find out what else Is going on there What can I do as a wife if my husband is a believer but not a strong spiritual leader? I've been saved in church longer than him You know, we had the first peter three. I think you do those things you make sure those six Areas are in your life that you're not nagging him that you're behaving properly You're submitting treating them with respect and you went in by your conduct Um, and I would pray I'd fast and pray. Um, I have a we have a lady that Well, never mind. I'm trying not to do this. Okay, never mind. I have ladies in my church that are watching this So I had to be very careful What I say, I told debbie, please remind me not to use anybody in our church as an example because some of them are watching Uh, so but I do know cases where Where women have been married to unbelievers and had prayed and prayed and prayed and finally the lord has saved their husband So don't give up. Don't ever give up on somebody But keep living it in front of your husband and I would find someone to disciple you Someone that can meet with you and encourage you and help you Hold you accountable for how you treat your husband and things like that Okay, when speaking on the curses we've inherited you mentioned not only paying a child bearing but in conception Would you mind clarifying? Yeah, this was one of the things. I mean, I've read genesis I don't have many times but when I started memorizing genesis. I saw I was Memorized and I said what I never saw that Because you know when you have to think you meditate, you know, you're going over and over which is the Hebrew word for Meditate you murmur in a low tone of voice until it becomes implanted on your mind So I was I was memorizing that verse and sorrow in conception and child bearing. What? Sorrow in conception. That's the conceiving process But it made sense to me and I'm talking to women so But as a biblical counselor and as somebody that tries to help people I've counseled lots of them that have problem in that area of pain They have pain in conception And so I thought wow is that part of the curse? So I've been trying to do actually some study on it I've been trying to read commentaries and in Hebrew helps and So in my translation, that's what it says sorrow not just in the birthing process But also the conceiving process so something that I'm mulling over now I'm thinking about but it is in the translation. So I don't know So for some women it could be a problem and I've counseled women that have that problem So I don't know I that's about all I can elaborate because that's all I know right now, but You know if you know more than me, let me know because I think it's pretty fascinating to think about How do you counsel women who are? In domestic marriage where they are physically abused or in danger My ex-husband threatened me at gunpoint Was physically abusive and arrested? When I counsel women who are being physically Abuse when their husbands are being physically abusive. I encourage them to usually go to a shelter to get out of the home I usually the first thing I tell them do is call the police If your husband is physically abusing you even verbal abuse at least in Oklahoma I don't know what every state is different But if the laws of the land are that the husband even if he gets in your face and starts doing this And I know women that happens to I tell them to call the police. That's considered at least in Oklahoma I don't know what florida's laws are that is considered domestic violence So I encourage them to call police if he's physically abusing call the police The laws we are to obey the laws of the land. They are set there for us But if your husband is a Christian proclaiming to be a Christian acting like that I would not only get the governing authorities involved. I would get the you need to call the elders of the church and And if somebody in our church that was happening to I would definitely And a lady in my church would come and tell me that and it's a husband that comes to our church I would immediately I mean I tell my husband and he'd be at their front door So you need to get the elders involved as well. So That's what I would counsel happy saturday Well, happy saturday to you God bless you. God bless you too Is there a way to get a complete list of acronyms? I have trouble writing notes and being able to retain them. Yes, I can Send them to you if you'll email me. I will send you the acronyms. I'm assuming You're meaning from the conference. You didn't get to fill them in fast enough. So yes, I can send those to you Okay, and there was two questions on that this genesis passage where I said adam wasn't with her So there's two questions on this that your translation didn't say that It doesn't in the genesis three six passage. It said it just says If you'll read it carefully all it says is I'm not genesis three six. Sorry Um I'm gonna find it here Oh, and he said to the woman and he said to the woman And excuse me chapter three verse one now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the creature Which the lord got it made and he said to the woman you has Has god said you shall not eat any of every tree of the garden so When I was studying this and looking at some of the hebrew interpretations of it one of the The commentators brought out that it doesn't say that adam was there right there in verse one And the hebrew actually reads the woman being alone So but then you're right in verse six she ate and then she gave her husband But we don't know if there is space someone says was there space between that from the time she ate And then gave to her husband. Well, if you take that interpretation that she was alone as that one hebrew scholar said Then you know, yeah, she was alone then she found her husband. He gave she gave it to him So I wouldn't make an issue of it, but I do think that the principle is still the same Why didn't adam stop it if he was there? Why was why is there silent? Why didn't the serpent say To eve and to adam Why didn't he why doesn't the holy spirit let us know That the serpent said to the man and the woman he just says to the woman And then you have the passages that I brought out in first Corinthians and the other that it was the woman who was deceived And so I wouldn't die on that hill, but those are just the research the things I came up as I researched it out Can you give us an update on your sister? I I keep checking my phone You know as I said she was fine on father's day. She said she sometimes feels a little Nauseous. That's my phone. It's going off I don't I thought I turned it off. Sorry about that Um, you can just yeah Throw it in the water or I don't Thank you. I'm so sorry Um Anyway, she was fine. She just said sometimes she ate she got a little full and she's felt a little nauseous and Anyway, I got a call three days later and she was in the hospital had blood clots in her lungs She was bleeding internally. They had no idea what was going on and so now she is uh on a ventilator oxygen feeding tube and her lungs are keep filling up and um So they've diagnosed her stage four pancreatic cancer. Is she converted? Um I don't believe so my sister is um She said would say she is But I would say she's word of faith times 10 and um So through the years, I've talked to her on several issues. So I would probably say no But I am praying that while she's there in and out of consciousness. She's very heavily sedated Um that the lord would speak to her. So I don't know. I already have one brother in hell So there's seven of us kids and my brother died about I think four years ago and The last thing he said to me was don't pray for me because I said I'll pray for you Carl And he said don't pray for me Like oh good. So anyway, I hope she is but I'm not I would not be a hundred percent convinced of that Um, there have been many in our church who've recently lost family members who were unconverted Do you have any words of comfort in thinking through this big biblically? Uh trusting the lord through that sorrow Yeah, it was hard. I'll tell you the hardest one was my mother because I'm not sure if my mother's in glory I'm sure my dad is I'm not quite sure of my mom She unbiblically divorced my dad after 34 years of marriage and her life after that was not God honoring and so I did talk to her about her salvation and Gave her some tapes Or some that back then it was cassette tape. So that tells you how long ago On examine yourself and she threw him in the trash went listen to him. So I I did challenge her. I said mom You know, I don't even know if you're saying I say I see no fruit no evidence and And so I did lovingly talk to her And that was probably the hardest for me to deal with and finally After um, she's been gone now 14 years But it was very hard in the beginning when she passed because I even talking to her best friend Who was with her when she died in russia? Um I asked her I said you think my mom was a christian because I said you knew her probably more than anybody And she said I don't know she said you know all the years we were best friends We never once had a spiritual conversation And she said with tears I had never confronted your mom So I don't I don't I would say probably not so I had to deal with that because it's your mom, you know And so it took me a long time, but I finally worked through it and I thought if my mom's My mom being in hell is a way that god can glorify and be glorified, you know Some get mercy some get justice and I finally had to get past the fact that it's not about me It's not about my mom It's about god's glory and romans nine is clear He makes some vessels for the wrath for wrath and some for mercy Some are fitted to destruction some are fitted to glory. So who am I who can say to the potter? What are you doing? What are you doing? Right? So that it's a hard. It's not easy. I'm not saying it's easy and our earthly flesh It's hard, right? So but it is difficult. So no, I don't know about my sister. I pray and I even uh wanted to send her something but my niece said she doesn't want anything She doesn't want music. She doesn't want anything. She just wants quiet. So And she doesn't want visitors. So What does submission really look like for a single woman living alone in her late 30s? That's a challenge for sure. I would make sure you have some accountability with an older woman that can help you as a single woman, I would Make sure that if you have a decision to make you would run it by your father or a pastor or elder As a pastor's wife, I've seen single women through the years make some Unwise decisions and they never talk counsel from anyone. So I would really encourage you if you don't have a husband To talk to your father who's older? I when my husband had his stroke several years ago Um, and I thought we didn't we thought he was going to heaven But he didn't and God restored him But I thought who whom I'm gonna go to now, you know, and I thought well my son You know my son is a pastor and and I trust him and so if I needed some guidance or help I would uh talk to my son and get his guidance. So I'd always have somebody Wiser and older than you that can help you. Uh, can you share some of your testimony? Um, yeah, I was saving baptized four times the last time took That's the short version So when I was five, uh, my Sunday school teacher asked who doesn't want to go to hell My hand went up. I didn't want to go to hell My my dad taught on it and I believed in it and so I didn't want to go there. So I got saving baptized at 13 I Went off to youth camp had an emotional experience got saving baptized at 18 I was in a car wreck driving my youth director's car. We were going to new mexico for a mission trip Right before the accident. I took my seat belt off because it was uncomfortable Told the lady next to me. This is uncomfortable. I'm taking it off I was driving and the car rolled several times into a ravine We my brother was in front of us in a van and they held his head down because they didn't think I would live And indeed if I'd had my seat belt on I wouldn't have lived the highway patrol said I would have died So when the car landed upside down where I was sitting was completely flattened and I ended up in the second seat So after that experience It was a very emotional experience to thank you. I almost lost my life So I got saved and baptized again at 18 but again My that was my third time my life never changed I was living one life at church because I was a pastor's daughter. So I knew the lingo. I knew what I was supposed to do But at home it was a total totally different Um, that was when I was dating that boy that my husband that my dad said to stop dating and um, so anyway, um, I went off to moody bible institute where I met my husband the first day of school And um, year later we got married But he almost called off the wedding the night before we got married because he began to realize that There were some issues there. He's he thought that I was maybe not be a christian And I had temper and just a lot of things he began to notice in my life, but he married me anyway And the first 10 years of our marriage were pretty bad not because of him but because of me I went nobody was going to tell me what to do and you know as he used to say i'm going to put on your tombstone She did it her way So that was kind of the first 10 years of our marriage were a little bit rough And at the age of I was almost 30. I was inflicted with very severe pain And I ended up in hospital for two weeks flat on my back and then six more weeks at home And so while I was laying there in a hospital bed, there wasn't anything back in those days like a cell phone We didn't have cell phones. I don't even think I had a tv in my room. I was by myself Isolation couldn't see my children couldn't see my husband only my doctor who was an elder in our church And christian man who would always say is everything okay spiritually, you know So, uh, but anyway laying there I had to come I had a lot of thinking to do and I came to the acknowledgement and understanding that I I really had to think about my life and I was living a double life So what I was at home was not what I was at church and charles hatton spurgeon says what you are at home was what you are So at that time I began the process. I think of the regeneration The birthing process and I began to really begin to repent of my sin and I can remember time actually First time in my life. I saw myself as a sinner um I really Wept and mourned over my sin and it seemed like everything I'd ever done flooded in front of me and I repented I had to go to my husband had to go to many people and seek forgiveness And that's when my life changed and that's when the things I used to do because I had to it was duty that's just what Pastors wives do I started doing for delight and that's when god birthed me with a hunger for his word and And the rest is history. So I was 35 years ago and then my husband baptized me for the fourth and final time. So Anyway, but you know, it was kind of encouraging when when when my husband asked me one time he brought the subject of the rapture and we were dating and I started to cry and he said He said, why are you crying? That's the believer's blessed hope, you know, the lord's return And I said because I might saw my dad talks about his bible prophecy and I don't want to hear it anymore And uh little did I realize when I studied first john When john says, um, there is no fear and love because perfect love Cast out fear fear has punishment and he's talking about that time we stand before the lord And we will have no fear perfect love cast out fear. So it made sense I was always terrified when people talked about the end times I can remember as a little girl being terrified and even into my adult life until god saved me And then that fear went away and then I was studying first time. I was like, wow That's why I was scared all those years that I was going to hell I should have be fearful, right? But perfect love cast out fear fear has punishment. So that was really encouraging to me because that's the that's The gist of it, but I I'm very sensitive to women who are brought up in the church They know all the lingo, but they don't know the lord. So Um That's another reason I think I have a passion to help women before the law was given. How do people know they were saved? Oh, no before the law was given. How do people know they sinned? Well, we had that kind of uh with our seduced sister Remember as soon as they sinned they were they knew their eyes were opened and they knew they were naked So we were born with a conscience. We have a moral conscience. And so Uh, they might not have had the law yet. They didn't have the 10 commandments But god birthed them made them with a conscience. And so the guilt was there already. So they knew they had sinned How do you know what church to go to? I'm going to my church That's a good church. Um, you know, I I have a couple of websites that I send to people and how to find a good church But you want a church that at least practices the the sacraments baptism lord supper church discipline I would find a church that preaches the bible. I would not go to a church that didn't Preach the bible a lot of people they they preach and they might throw a verse in there, but they don't preach the bible That's elder run qualified elders Not just a warm body to put in the position They're qualified by timothy and titus for me If I was also looking for a church the first thing I would probably do is go to the women's ministry Uh site on the website and see what they're studying And if they're studying some wackadoodle, I ain't going to that church I'm not go. I'm not going so So I would check a lot of things and I would and you know what I would tell you to go for three months I these people that try a church one sunday You can't know what a church is like for one sunday go go sunday morning sunday night We have sunday morning sunday night tuesday night wednesday night Go to all the things and go for a good amount of times unless you see right away I can't go here for some reason, but really see what it's about. You can't know a church in one sunday So go for a while. How do we implement all this wisdom that we're that we're learning when we go home? Well, I don't know. It's up to you. No, I'm just kidding You know a lot of women I know they take extensive notes and they go home and go over them And so I would do that. I I wouldn't you know Don't be just a hearer of the word don't be auditing this weekend. I hope you're not auditing this women's conference That's what james says. Don't be a hearer. Don't be an otter to be a doer So you have to make the choice when you go out those doors here in 15 minutes That you're going to think about all these sisters and what what did you learn? Maybe get with another sister here and say hey, let's talk about the conference. What did you learn? What can I hold you accountable for? Where are your weaknesses? Where do you see you're tripping up? Are you being seduced by the evil one? Are you serving? Are you using your gifts? Are you submissive? Are you squabbling? Is there anybody you're fighting with? Um, are you steadfast? Are you going through a trial? Are you going through it right? And then you know Hold each other accountable pray for each other help each other That's the way to put into practice the things that you've learned And so that's what I would do. What habits and practices would you suggest a newlywed wife to learn that will now help her Prepare for challenges down the road a discipleship. Definitely. She needs to be discipled I would encourage her to read The Excellent Wife by Martha piece I would read Preparing for Marriage by Wayne Mack I would learn how to be If there's one thing if there's several things I could do would like to do over again Is learn how to be more respectful to my husband in the early years of marriage and more submissive because I just really I challenged him on everything. I was not a good wife at all. That's why he said I'm gonna put on your tombstone She did it her way so But I would I really wished I had um been better in those areas so My unconverted parents have told me not to come visit them till my husband and I get fully vaccinated My husband and I are not getting the covid vaccine. I feel hurt and sad for my children Who can't see their grandparents? How do I respond in this situation and still honor my parents? That's very difficult. Um Oh That's a hard one because you know, we all have very strong opinions about covid and about the vaccine Um, and I have some very strong opinions, which you probably don't want to hear my husband says you don't always have to express your opinion So, um Yeah, and I don't know what's gonna happen. I've wondered if deb and I are gonna be able to continue to travel without getting vaccinated We need the one have been vaccinated Um, and I don't criticize anyone who has I think that's uh conscious issue whatever you feel is right to do Um So I don't know what's gonna happen if I was in this situation. It would be very difficult for me personally because I don't know if I could personally Receive the vaccine just in order to see my family. Um, it's gonna be it would be very hard Um, I maybe give it a little more time. Maybe see what really fleshes out Um, you know now they're saying even if you've had the vaccine You're gonna need to get another one because of the new variant the delta variant coming around So I maybe give it a little more time a little more prayer give a godly gracious appeal Uh to your children Um, that that's heartbreaking to me. Um But I don't know you have to follow your conscience on what you're gonna do But I certainly I certainly hate to see that. I know people that have gotten it just so they could see their grandkids Um, but for me, thankfully my my kids haven't made that initial I don't I don't even think they I've never asked my children if they got vaccinated I don't think they have but but they would never make that an issue for us to see our grandkids. So That's hard pray fast Now wait be patient and just see how it fleshes out But I certainly would appeal How do you respect a husband when he's high on pot and drunk? I respect him when he isn't but I roll my eyes and I'm disgusted when he is He's not abusive You know, we're to respect our husband. We don't have to respect what they're doing Okay, we respect the position, but we don't respect sin So what I would do is Um, when he's high on pot and he's drunk I would find a way since especially since he's not abusive I would just ask him, you know, do you mind if I do something different while you're doing this? I'm you know, go to my room and maybe watch a sermon or Um, maybe go out with a friend But I I would just say you know, I really don't want to be around this. I let I love you But I it's really difficult for me To sit here and watch you do this and I know you're hurting your life and your body and hopefully not our marriage, but I would just I would just encourage him or ask him if it's okay if you just go do something else That you would rather not struggle with resentment and bitterness towards him while he's sinning So you don't respect the sin you hate the sin, right? But you still have to honor and respect him. So I'm you know, that's a good way to do it I really don't want to be here while you're getting drunk So could you know, I'd like to go out or go Into my room, watch a sermon or read or whatever you like to do And um, if he's a Christian, you haven't really said whether he's a Christian or not Uh, I would be confronting him if he's a Christian and And if he doesn't repent, I'd follow Matthew 18 because drunkenness is a sin be not drunk with wine Which is dissipation but be filled with the spirit, right? So, uh wine is a mocker and um So I would definitely uh begin I would appeal to him confront him and get somebody else involved if he's a believer My husband has spoken negatively about my appearance on a few occasions and then Other than plastic surgery, there's not much I can do to improve my situation How do I balance between very attractive to him and not be too consumed with my outward appearance? That's a hard one Yeah I if it was me Um, and again, I don't oh he is converted your husband is converted. Okay, and he's talking Well, since he's converted, um, I would if it was my husband I would lovingly talk to him about it. I would say dug I think this is a wrong attitude that you have I can't this is the body God has given to me And it's getting bigger every year in the middle And it's sagging and I'm wrinkled and I'm turning gray I know I'm not the bride you married, you know 46 years ago, but That this is a wrong attitude that you should love me regardless of what my body looks like or my face looks like or Anything like that and I would lovingly talk to him and lovingly confront him that that's a wrong attitude as a Christian husband He should not be looking at you like that in that way Um, and on the other hand, I would say, you know, I would I would as much as you can Dress in a way that pleases him but Again, I I would question The motive of the husband. I'm not trying to be unkind or anything but I would question the motive of why He should love you the way that you are and versa vice versa Um, you know, we should love our husbands the way they are. That's the body that God has given him and us So, um, but I certainly think if you can dress in a way that's attractive to your husband and try to honor him in that way I know there was a long time when I used to have those because you know, I've been coming to this church Seems like forever and ever I'm in But there was a time I had a very short haircut. It was like a Dorothy Hamill haircut And every time I'd come home my husband would say Um, man, your hair sure is short and I say, well, find a style and I'll change it You pick out one in the magazine and I'll change it Didn't next time I got my haircut man, your hair sure is short and I said So finally I went through this for a long time and I'd say the same thing Well, honey, find a style that you like in a magazine. I'll I'll have the hairdresser do it like that So finally I said to him very lovingly and respectfully. I said, uh, we've been going through this now for I don't know how many years And it's really getting hurtful and hard to listen to this every time I come home from getting my haircut So could you either find me a hairstyle or stop saying that and you know what he hasn't said it since There's nothing wrong with that being very respectful and kind, but You don't like my hair. Well then find a hairstyle. I'll change it. I don't care. It's just hair, you know, but So I think we you know, sometimes women are fearful, but we're not to give way to hysterical fear You can be kind and loving but respectful and still lovingly admonish them What is the difference between christian fellowship and socializing focus on women's ministry? Well fellowship is something we have because of christ It's a bond we have we have fellowship with one another because of the blood of jesus christ socializing is just getting together and You know talking about whatever talking about chocolate talking about i didn't win any of those prizes uh Talking about our kids our grandkids the weather covid the vaccine, you know, that's just getting together to socialize Uh, but fellowship is because of the bond we have in christ and I would make your women's ministry focused on Fellowship not socializing even though there is a time for socializing. I you know, I like to I love to be outside. I like to do a lot of fun things, but um, it's very different than fellowship okay, uh, my husband has a disabling Disabling illness that is affecting his cognitive abilities ability to make sound judgment physically declining It's progressive. No cure. How does a wife follow god's plan designed for marriage parenting? and life in this Case reality. Well, I think most of us are going to face this when my husband had his stroke uh, he couldn't cognitively think through issues And uh, so I he would forget things. He's getting much much much better So the lord has blessed him and some of that is coming back but um And I have friends whose husbands are getting all I have a friend whose husband has Alzheimer's another one who's has Parkinson's who's losing his cognitive ability and the roles may reverse you may have to start making some decisions um And that's just the way it's going to be you can't let him continue to drive If he can't doesn't know how to drive he could kill somebody and so you just have to lovingly talk to him honey You know in god's providence. He's taking away your cognitive skills And i'm gonna have to start making some of these decisions You can't drive if it's dangerous and and you you've got to be careful. So again lovingly Respectfully talk with him. Maybe you need to have a doctor talk to him. Maybe the pastor talked to him Um, and it is hard. It's hard to reverse the roles And I've like uh, my husband can't open it like this anymore. So before I leave home and by the way So you don't criticize me later I'm traveling and speaking because this is what my husband wants me to do I've offered many times to stop and he says no the work of the lord goes on And he can take care of himself. He's not an invalid. He's still preaching every sunday But one of the things the stroke is done. He can't open bottles very well So before I leave home, I make sure everything I know that he's going to need while i'm gone I've already it's had that first open and I pretty much know what he does and so everything is set up For him. So he's very capable. He drives. He does everything and uh, but there are just a few things that affect a little bit of his hands And so I do all that for him But um, and I'm not taking over the headship. I'm just trying to be kind to my husband try to serve him and help him Um, because he still wants me to be doing this Okay From time to time I feel great guilt of past sins when I pray I look to christ and I read scriptures I'm comforted I've confessed my sins to god and I ask him to rid me of this guilt as necessary to confess to man Uh as it's too shameful to bear Well, you know the bible says that Um, well psalm 51 says when david wrote psalm after his adultery with basheba He said against thee and the only have I sinned and done this evil in thy sight And so he's confessing it to god. Did he sinned against basheba? Yes. Did he sinned against hara yariah? Yes, but yariah was dead So he couldn't go to him But I think if you know that you've sinned against somebody, you know, if you've done something evil against them Um Then you need to ask their forgiveness, but you don't need to certainly there's some things I think we should be guarded about talking about Uh, especially in the uh sexual area I think we need to be very careful how much we give out what how much information we give out could be polluting to another person We certainly need to confess our sins to the lord and it would depend on the what you've done Whether you need to confess to someone if you've sinned against someone As the bible says if you know if you're you have ought against your brother Your brother has something against you you go take care of it So it would just depend if you get angry at your husband, uh, you need to probably ask for forgiveness I'm sorry. I lost my temper. Uh, will you forgive me? So it depends on the nature of the sin But I don't think we confess all of our sins to all people I don't think the bible ever says For us to do that some things are just best left unsaid so Um, could you please clarify your comment? I believe you made last night about women taking leadership positions in government From a biblical perspective, do you believe women should not hold those positions? What about churches and corporations? Thanks for clarifying. Yeah, all I was trying to the point I was trying to make is it is natural for a woman to want to take over whether it's government church The workforce women just want to take over that was my point Deborah was a judge so obviously and there was a leadership vacuum when Deborah became a judge in judges So, I mean, I don't think it's the best thing for a woman to take a leadership position in government But I would not take that up. But biblically I would think I think the best is to have men in leadership Whether it's in the church or in the church for sure And in the home for sure And government it would be I think the best I think that's what we're seeing more and more women senators women congressmen women running for president I'm not saying it's a sin. I just don't think it's the wisest thing Um, and what was the other one? I said, I don't remember the other one Workplace. Yeah. Well, I think women are vacating their responsibilities at home going to work And so do I think it's wrong? I think that's another question here on women working but Anyway, hopefully that answers your question. How do you truly forgive when it hurts so much? Well, we've talked about that a little bit already You have to change the way you think and you have to go back to the how much you've been forgiven In the same measure measure that christ has forgiven you you forgive others How long did it take you to stop wanting to express every opinion you have? And then she says yikes, my husband must be so tired of listening to my opinion Not very long because I really thought about what he said and I thought he's exactly right Why do I think I have to always express my opinion on every issue? I think and I had to realize it was prideful. So I stopped doing it Okay, it's 3 30. I have a few more. What do you want me to do? Where are you leader? Oh leader You may stop if I haven't answered their question they can Uh, okay. Well, let me answer this one. This is the kind of fun one What difficult theology doctrine or viewpoint do you look forward to having clarified or fully explained in heaven? eschatology And the doctrine of election so on that we'll end And if these I didn't answer you can email me and I will endeavor to answer your question. Thank you ladies so much for your time