 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Dane, yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with corn out of corn. Some of the meals should be simple meals, ladies and gentlemen, and that's one reason why Jell-O is the ideal warm weather dessert, for Jell-O is one of the simplest and easiest treats to make. It dissolves instantly and sets as quick as a wink. No elaborate preparations are necessary. Your ice box or refrigerator does almost all of the work for you, and in practically no time at all you're ready to enjoy one of the grandest desserts you ever tasted. Jell-O's bright glowing colors are gay summer colors. Jell-O's flavor is richly reminiscent of summer, sunrise, and fruit. So get several packages of Jell-O tomorrow choosing any or all of Jell-O's six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime, and say be sure that your choice includes strawberry, raspberry, and cherry, because each has a new improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And the result is something mighty special, a flavor that's better than ever, a distinctive goodness that you find only in genuine Jell-O. Begin right now to add a note of cool delight and rich refreshment to summer meals with Jell-O America's favorite Jell-Oton dessert, burned played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, from the Naval training station here in San Diego, California, we bring you our master of ceremonies, that ex-sailor who doesn't know a porthole from a donut, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny, that old seahorse or seadog talking. And Don, you're a little off there on your introduction, because if there's anything I was familiar with when I was in the Navy, it's portholes. I saw plenty of them. No kidding, Don, my neck hung out of so many portholes, they used to call me lavalier Benny. Yes, sir. Well, Jack, I'll bet you're getting a big kick out of broadcasting down here, aren't you? I sure am, Don. And incidentally, how do you like this suit I'm wearing? Very apropos, Jack. Did you rent it for this occasion? Rent nothing. This is a uniform I wore back in 1917, when I was at the Great Lakes Naval Training Station. It still looks pretty good, doesn't it? Yes, it does. But judging from the uniform, Jack, I gather that you were not an officer in the Navy. Oh, no, no, Don. I was just a plain ordinary buck private. Now that's, uh, that's all. Well, but pardon me, Jack, but buck private is an army term. You must have been a seaman. Oh, yes, yes. That's what I mean. I was a buck seaman. And there's, uh, there's hardly a thing I don't know about nautical science. I can chart a course, try and not know that stuff. Oh, nice, good. Well, tell me, Saylor, can you box a compass? What has that done? I said, can you box a compass? Box the c- No, Don. Rastling is my racket. I, um, no, really, I, well, look who's here. Ahoy there, Mary, as we say in the Navy. Hello, Jack. Hello, Don. Hi, boys. You, you got a nice reception there, Mary. Why not? These boys know what trim crafts when they see one. Well, hey, that's pretty egotistical. My goodness, you think you were Anne Sheridan or somebody? Look, Chum, as long as Anne Sheridan is in Hollywood, I'm somebody here. Oh, oh, I see. Well, Mary, as long as you're so crazy about Saylor's, why didn't you notice the outfit I've got on? How do I look? You look like a ticket taker on the Coronado ferry. Now, wait a minute, this is a Saylor suit I'm wearing. Yes, Mary. Jack tells me that's the same uniform he had during the war. That's right. Uh, what chip are you on? The monitor or the Merrimack? I'm talking about the World War. And furthermore, I enlisted when I was only 14 years old. My gray hair fooled him. Oh, really? So I'm not so old. Why, Jack, you mean to say that you had gray hair when you were only 14 years old? Oh, even before that, my hair turned gray on my eighth birthday. I had a terrible shock. No kidding. What happened? She lost the nickel down a manhole. That wasn't it at all. I was frightened by a horse car. Anyway, I joined the Navy, served a year and a half, and I'm wearing that same uniform right now. Pardon me, is this the Jello program? Yes. Oh, hello, Dennis. Well, so, uh, you didn't recognize me, eh, Dennis? I sure didn't. Did you join the Navy, Mr. Benny? Uh, no, this is the outfit I wore at Great Lakes in 1917. It's a real Saylor suit. Oh, can I borrow it later? I want to get a date tonight. Now, I'm, uh, I'm sorry, Dennis, but I'm going over to the Paris Inn a little later myself. And if there are any dates to be had, I'll get them. Of course, if I meet a girl and she has a friend, I'll bear you in mind. Any girl that would go out with you has not a friend in the world. That's all. Don't worry, Dennis, you and I'll step out later and paint the town red. I don't want to paint. I want a neck. That's what I mean. We'll go out and... That's what I mean. We'll go out and have some fun. My, uh, no, really, my Saylor suit will do the trick. Of course, I'm sorry I haven't got my medals with me. That would sink it. Your medals? Well, how'd you get them, Jack, for bravery and action? Well, I did see a lot of action, Donna. What action? I heard you fell out of your hammock when you came to. The war was over. Now, wait a minute, Mary, if that's the case, how come I got this bullet hole in my uniform? Where? Right there between my shoulder blades at the bullet hole. And why is that moth taking out of it? Because it's hot in here. Well, let's forget it. Oh, frankly. Oh, manana, manana, bambina, manana. So, uh, let's forget it. Now, uh, Dennis? Yes, please? It's about time for a number, and I'm sure all the boys would like to hear you do a song, so let's have it. Okay. Gee whiz, a bullet hole. Were you wounded in the war, Mr. Benning? No. All I got was this bullet hole in the back of my blouse. Wait a minute. If a bullet went through your blouse, why didn't it hit your skin? I was moving, sister. I'd like to see the bullet that could catch me. Now, uh, let's have your song, Dennis. I, I, sir. Hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benning? Yes. You know, I used to have gray hair when I was in the Navy. Oh. Oh, then you did have hair at one time. Uh, how did you lose it? I didn't lose it. I have a regulation haircut. Every time, sing, Dennis. It was till revelry sung by Dennis Day, and it certainly fits here. Well, Dennis, that's the last number you'll sing on this program till October. But, Mr. Benning, what about the song I've got prepared for next week? Well, there won't be any next week, Dennis. Next Sunday, the Jell-O summer show regular fellas take over from New York. Say, Don... Why do I have to go to New York to sing? I'm happy here. You're much too happy or you get this through your head. There'll be an entirely different show next Sunday. This program is over. You're not going to get paid. That I'm used to, but I want to sing. Well, get on a bicycle and tour the country. Okay, Don, get on a bicycle and tour the country. Oh, Jack, this is the silliest one yet. Don, get on a bicycle and tour the country. Oh, all right. Ladies and gentlemen, why don't you get on a bicycle, ride down to your neighborhood grocer and ask him for a package of Jell-O. Very good. Now, remember, Don, you're on a bicycle, so don't forget the handle bar. Oh, very well. I'm sure you will find that Jell-O has handled bar every grocer in the country. So far, so good. And gives families from coast to coast a break. Don, you Jack, Billy, I'll never spoke to you again. It was very clever. Personally, I think it was one of the most brilliant. Jack, look who's here. Well, if it isn't the SS Ride Room. Hiya, Jackson. All right, fellas, let me have it. You had to ask for it, didn't you, Phil? Ask for nothing. These guys love me. They're my pals. Oh, sure. What are you made up for, Jackson? Why that sailor suit? Well, I was in the Navy during the World War, Phil, so I thought it'd be nice to wear it down here. Of course, it's rather tight a midship. Uh, isn't it, Mary? Yeah, and it's a little shiny around the stern. Oh, it's not so shiny. Then why is the officer wearing smoke glasses? Don't be silly. Well, Phil, you know, this is our last broadcast, and I'll be leaving for June Lake on that fishing trip tomorrow. You want to go with me? Well, I'd love to, Mac. I see. But I'll be busy this summer playing them one-night stands. Oh, out on the stick, they. No, we're strictly big time this year. We ain't playing no ballrooms. It's got cows sleeping at one end. Well, Phil, I'd like to see the cow that could sleep through one of your band numbers, you know. Oh, cut that out, will you? You're always running down my orchestra. Well, I'm not blaming the boys, Phil. It's you. You let them get away with murder. Oh, yeah, well, let me tell you something, Jackson. Alice thinks I'm the best band leader in the business. Phil, Alice is a dear, sweet girl, but she's giving you the business. Anyway, Phil, we're all glad that you and Alice are so happy. I'll say we're happy. You know, Jackson, we've been married almost a month, and we've only had one argument. Well, that's not a bad record, eh, Mary? No. What was the argument about, Phil? Oh, it was one of those things. We both wanted to use the curling iron at the same time. Oh, well, that's easily remedied, Phil. Why don't you buy a curling iron? She's working. Let her buy it. You ever see a guy so vain about his appearance, Mary? If I didn't have a natural wave in my hair, I'd let it go. You haven't even got natural hair. Mary, one more word out of you, and I won't take you on a tour of that battleship. You've got to take me along. I've got the path. What's this about a battleship, Jack? Well, we've got permission from Admiral Blakely to go aboard, and it'll be a real thrill for all of us. Oh, boy, a battleship. Some dialog. Oh, Archie, I wish I knew my lines for tomorrow. In fact, uh, in fact, we ought to get started right away, fellas. Say, Phil, while we're gone, have your arches to play a few numbers and entertain the boys here. OK, Jackson. Wait a minute. I'll take it. Hello? Oh, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Darn it, that's more applause than I got her. All right, Rochester, what is it? I'm getting things packed for our fishing trip. When are we leaving, boy? We're leaving tomorrow afternoon, arrive at June Lake by midnight, and then we'll get up the next morning at 4 a.m. and go fishing. 4 a.m., it'll still be dark. I don't care if it is dark. We're going fishing every morning at 4 a.m. What are we going to use for bait? Owls? Look, Rochester, any angler will tell you that fish bite best early in the morning. So we'll have to get up at 4 a.m. We do, eh? Yeah, you know, there's an old proverb, Rochester. The early bird catches the worm. I got the worm, waiting me up at 9. Rochester, you've got the wrong slant on this. This will be fun. Imagine getting up when it's pitch dark and then getting into a canoe and gliding over the peaceful waters of June Lake. Oh! And then as the mist rises, the sun comes peeping over the horizon. Uh-huh. And there we are on the lake, just the two of us. Yeah, you and the sun. You'll be there too. Now, have you got everything packed in the Maxwell? Everything but the canoe. I don't know where to put it. Well, it's very simple. Tie the canoe on top of the car and turn it upside down. I can't turn it upside down. There's a hand in it. That's our guide. Put him in the back seat. Now, Rochester, don't forget to pack that sack of potatoes. That's what we'll eat up at the lake, fish and chips. You mean fish and chops? I mean fish and chips. Fish and chops? I got a pig cooking in the radiator. That's all we need, another squeal in that car. Now, let me supervise the packing, Rochester. I'll be back at the hotel right after the program. So goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say bye. Now what? Are you going to visit that battleship like you told me? Yes, Rochester. We're leaving right away. Does that boat go all around the world? Yes, it does. We'll ask them to keep their eye open for the gas man. Oh, you and the gas man, goodbye. Goodbye. He'll get up at 4 AM or I'll know the reason why. Well, come on, fellas. Let's get over to that battleship. Close to me, fellas. There's a shoreboat at the end of this dock that'll take us out of the battleship. See it out there in the middle of the harbor? That sure is a beautiful sight. Yes, sir. Hey, Mr. Benny, what are those things hanging down from the mast? From the mast? Oh, those are underwear. Uh, scrivies, we call them, you know? It must be wash days. Those are flags. Can't you see they're all different colors? Oh, yes, flags. They're a fine sailor. Well, at this distance, anybody can make a mistake. Now, where do we get aboard? I'll explain everything. Hey, Jackson, are we going to have trouble? They're pretty strict, you know. Don't worry, Phil. We've got a pass from the Admiral, and I met Captain Gearing. And I'm wearing my sailor suit. What more do you want? Hey, buddy, will you take us out of that battleship? Have you got a pass? Here you are. Well, let's get in the shoreboat. Watch your step, Dennis. Careful now. Which side of the boat shall I sit on, Jack? Neither one, Don, get right in the middle. And don't lean either way. All right, buddy, we're all set now. Let's go. OK. Heave-ho. Come on! Anchors away! Sit down in a boat. What do you think you are, a marine? Boy, this is a life sailing over the bounding main. How would this boat would roll so much? Don't be a baby, Mary. You think this boat is rolling? Well, I was in a storm on Lake Michigan once when the waves were over 150 feet high. Not only that, I was washed overboard. Were you drowned? Never mind, just drive the boat. You mean steer the boat? All right, steer it, steer it. But no kidding, fellas, that was a real storm. I don't know how we ever came through it. Hey, how are you enjoying the ride, Phil? Well, to tell the truth, Jackson, it's a little rough. Oh, what are you talking about? Hey, these waves are getting pretty choppy, aren't they, Jack? Your call is choppy. Yeah, I don't feel so good. Oh, what a bunch of sissy. This is nothing. Why, in that storm on Lake Michigan, I thought for a while we'd never Oh! I thought. What's the matter, Jack? Change seats with me, Mary. I want to sit on the outside where I can enjoy the Oh! Views. Quick, move over. Quick. Hey, Jackson, you ain't seasick, are you? Of course not. How can I be seasick with a sailor suit on? You'll make it. No, I, I feel fine. Of course. I don't want to be seasick. I don't want to be seasick. I don't want to be seasick. Of course. Of course, the harbor is pretty rough today, isn't it, buddy? No, I feel, oh, fine. Oh, fine. But you know, this doesn't compare with that storm on Lake, oh, Michigan. You know, when we started out, Do you want to bite at this banana, Mr. Benny? Put that away or I'll slug you. Hey, buddy, on second thought, I don't think we want to look at the battleship today. I came here to visit a battleship, and I want to be one. We are, Jack, right up alongside us. You want to be a battleship? Okay, watch your step getting out. Ah, this is some battleship. Okay, give me your arm, Mary, bring along my camera, Dennis. I've got it. Be careful going up the, oh, gangway. Well, this is better. How do you feel now, Jackson? Fine, Phil. You know, to tell the truth, I haven't been on water in years. I only went on it after I got married. We know, Phil, the only time you've been in the gutter lately is to pick up your guitar player. Gee, look at all those sailors. They sure have a big crew. Just a moment, please, where you going? We've got a pass to visit this battleship. Yeah, we got permission. Salute when you speak to an officer. Aye-aye, sir. You see, fellas, he thinks I'm a real sailor. I look like one, too. Come on, kid. Well, we're certainly lucky that you're along with us, Jack. You said it. Anything you want to know about this battleship, just ask me. Where's the ladies' room? Don't be cute, Mary. It's a battleship. Now, kid, first I'll show you around this floor, and then I'll take you downstairs, and, uh, I'll take you downstairs and show you the crow's nest. Now, it's worth seeing. Jack, even I know that the crow's nest is up on the mast. Well, this one slipped. Come over here, fellas. Look at that sign. Ship's galley. What's the galley, Mr. Benny? Well, the galley, Dennis, is where they steer the ship. See? Now, come on, kids. I'm going to show you this whole boat from one stern to the other. Let's go. Lead the way, lavalier. Follow me. And here we are back to the gangway. It was a swell tour, wasn't it? Now, get in the shoreboat, fellas. Mary and I'll join you in a second. Come here, Mary. I want to take your picture. Stand alongside of those big guns. I want to get a nice background. OK. Back a little now. That's it. Now, don't look right in the camera. Be nonchalant. Go ahead. Smile. What are you doing there, sailor? I'm taking a picture. A smile, Mary. There. There, that's better. Give me that camera. You know taking pictures on a battleship is against regulations. Oh, I'm sorry. You're sorry, sir. That's right. Sir. Well, come on, Mary. Let's go. Wait a minute, sailor. Where do you think you're going? I'm going ashore. My gang's waiting for me. You're not going anyplace. You're staying right here on this ship. What? Oh, oh, I get it. You think I'm a sailor stationed on this ship. That's a good one. Come on, Mary. So long, buddy. Don't buddy me. I'm an officer. But look. And stand at attention. Aye, aye, sir. I mean, what's going on here? Mary. Mary, tell them who I am. Tell them what my name is. How do I know? I just met you at the Paris Inn last night. Mary, this is no time to joke. Tell them who I am. So long, sailor. Mary, come back here. You can't leave me like this. I know how you feel, sailor, but when Judy calls, we all have to leave our girls behind us. What, Judy? What are you talking about? We're shoving off right now. I'm not shoving off anywhere. I start my vacation next week. I'm going down a fishing trip. There'll be plenty of fish where we're going, sailor. Sailor, look. I'm trying to explain to you. Now put yourself together. And look at your uniform. There's a button missing. That button has been missing for 20 years. Now look, mister. What's that? Hey, we're moving. Stop the ship. You can't do this to me. Mary, John. Oh, we're moving. Gee. Now take it easy, sailor. We'll be back in a month or so. A month? Why don't I go away for a month? I tell you, I'm going on a fishing trip. My plans are all made. It's too late to change them. Now you've got to listen to me. You can't keep me here. I'll make trouble. That's what I'll do. I'll make trouble. How about a dessert for dinner tomorrow night that is really different and really delicious? Well, here it is. A swell new treat called Jello Cubes with Strawberries. It's a dessert that looks grand and tastes grand, too. And it's no trick at all to make. Just prepare one package of orange jello, as you usually do, and turn it into a shallow pan. Chill until firm and cut into cubes. Then arrange these cubes and sherbet glasses with sweetened sliced strawberries. And to serve plain or with cream. Attractive? I should say it is. A perfect picture of bright glowing beauty and one of the most luscious desserts you ever enjoyed. So try this delightful treat tomorrow. We're sure you'll agree that strawberries never tasted so good and never looked so tempting as when blended with tiny glistening cubes of rich golden-orange jello. This is the last number of the last program in the current Jello series, and we'll all be with you again on Sunday, October the 5th. In the meanwhile, what will happen to our heroes? Will it be back in time for the new season? Tune in October 5th and find out. Mary, Don, Phil, Dennis! Come after me. Tell this guy who I am. Come on, sailor. Swab that dick. I ight, sir. Terry Wood got me into this. Good night, folks. See you in October.