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This Party Took a Turn for the Douche by Garfunkel and Oates

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Published on Aug 3, 2009

Riki "Garfunkel" Lindhome and Kate "Oates" Micucci perform a rap about douchebags. Here are the LYRICS:

We roll into the bar cause thats how we do
Garfunkel, Oates and the rest of the crew
Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that bitch go she
Hits up the juke box and puts on Jim Croce
Operator, can you help me make this call?

Were laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing
Im the liking the direction this night is going
But then I look up and something has changed
Everyone around us looks fucking deranged

I look to my left, I look to my right
Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight
With supertight abs and supertan skin
I swear this aint the club that I walked in

Then the techno music starts to play
And the room smells like Axe body spray
Im like Golda Mier with no gold in my ear
Please tell me what the hell happened here

Yo it aint pretty but you know its the truth
This party just took a turn for the douche

For the douche, for the douche
For the motherfuckin douche
Thought it was a perfect party
Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy
This party just took a turn for the douche

I guess I cant beat em so Im gonna join em
Need some douche phrases and Im gonna coin em
Put my Bluetooth in and Im on my way
Gonna be a mother fuckin douchebag today

Gonna groom my beard like a bonsai tree
Wax off my chest like Mr Miyagi
Get a Chinese tat, dont know what it means
But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens

Dont need sleeves on my shirt, just rip em off
And leave em exposed like Bernie Madoff
Fake tan so brown you can call me foxy
Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops oxy

Got more chains than Mr. T
I pity the fuckwad who messes with me
Cause Im doin roids til my balls get teeny
Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace, up inside the weenie

Gettin crunk on brewskis with my broskis
Im cooler than Ice cube wearing snow skis
Sweeter than the life of Zach and Cody
Higher than the voice of Truman Capote

Yeah Ill drop a G for a bottle of Goose
This party just took a turn for the douche

For the douche, for the douche
For the motherfuckin douche
Thought it was a perfect party
Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy
This party just took a turn for the douche

Were an army in the night like Norman Mailer
And its time to be a tool like my name is Tim Taylor
Im a VIP cause my table said so
Im a use some Rufees cause the skank said no

I like my hair like I like my girls drink
SPIKED as fuck!!!

Did my last keg stand like General Custer
And Im assessin the damage like a claims adjuster
I aint your Daddy but Ill call you son
Yeah I get metaphysical like fuckin John Donne

Im holdin up the beats like I was Lloyd Dobbler
Girls are on the dance floor shakin their cobbler
Im Cool like LL, fly like Jeff Goldblum
Im gonna find the biggest ho in this room

Girls wax is Brazilian, her manicures French
Jean Nate is her signature stench
She got rocks on her fingers and beneath her areolas
Her gardens more savage then ch ch cherry colas

Her heels are as clear as my intentions to bang her
Hope shes birth controlled like Margaret Sanger
Gonna Boner Stabbone her, Mike Seaver her Beaver
Take her gold for cash then mother fuckin leave her

I aint in love w you cousin I aint George Michael Bluth
This party just took a turn for the douche

For the douche, for the douche
For the motherfuckin douche
Thought it was a perfect party
Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy
This party just took a turn for the douche

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