 Hello everyone and welcome to Inside Leather History, a fireside chat. I'm Doug O'Keefe. I am the host and the producer of the chats, along with Mistress Joanne Gattie. The fireside chats are a program of the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago. Today, I'm sitting down for an interview with Paul Feitler. Paul is the Mr. Bear Luxembourg 2020 through 2021. Thank you Paul. Thank you. Thank you for asking me. So tell me a little bit about your growing up in Luxembourg. I've never been there. Tell me a bit about it. Growing up, first, what you have to know Luxembourg is a very, very small country sitting between Germany, France and Belgium. The whole country has about 645,000 inhabitants. So only to give you an idea of what Luxembourg is. Growing up, so I grew up in a small village, not so far away from Luxembourg City, the capital. I would say I grew up in a modern family, but more or less conservative family, Catholic family. I got a real Catholic education. Well, yes, so as I tried to feel fine, this was more or less okay. Yes, so I was looking bit around and at first looking inside of myself. And I remember so well when I was 10, 11, at primary school during the history lessons, there had been an image of a caveman. And I remember so well, I always looked at this caveman full of hair on the body. And so, whoa. And at this time, of course, I didn't ask me any questions, but remembering on it later, I thought, of course, it was clear. I would say coming to high school, it had been a bit more difficult for me, difficult in a way. I was more or less introverted. And I was always a bit, not like the others. Yeah. How were you different? Told you coming, so really from conservative family, themes like sexuality have never been spoken on. So when I came to high school, at first, never understood all the jokes concerning sexuality. I thought, what the fuck are they talking about? And of course, at one point, they have also been a bit of mobbing. And well, yes, so I was different from other students, pupils, kids at school. So also, okay, try to have a girlfriend. And well, she was very sympathetic. She was really kind. But she was not what I, in fact, I was looking for or what I should have looked for. And I remember very well the first kiss was her. She gave me, it was a real shocking experience for me. I said, oh, my God, what's going on? What's wrong with me? So every, every science were so loud. Paul, you are not like them. And so I was on my way and said, okay, I think at about 16, 17, I was really sure about what happens. But I had a real dilemma. So because I knew no one around me, my friends, who was gay, or who talked about it, I felt all alone. And my dilemma was, hmm, are you really gay? Can you say you're a homosexual guy if you don't have any boyfriend, if you don't know any persons? And on the other way, the same thing I told myself, well, it's not possible to get any boyfriend if you cannot admit that you are gay. When you were a little older is when you began to discover this. How did you explore then? I was very insecure. But at one time, there had been this moment, as I told before, where inside myself, I was really like a volcano, really nearly exploding and so on. Paul, no one can help me, you must do it yourself. So but when you were finally coming out around, I think you said around 21, is that right? Yes, we are. When you were doing that, were you finding magazines then? Were you finding the gay scene somewhere? I began going out in the gay scene. And I very soon, so a very, very fast found also my first boyfriend at this time. And this was for me very good start. How did you meet your first boyfriend? My first boyfriend, I met at the Music Conservatory of Luxembourg. I remember so well. I came in, I think he was, staying there, looking at me. I looked at him. And so we got into the conversation. We talked together and well, that's it. And it came that it would be my first love. Yeah. What did you learn about gay, about being gay at that time? At this time. So first of all, being gay, what liberation? The best thing it could happen, really. For me, it was always this, oh my God, finally. Best thing ever about gay sex. Oh, yeah. I remember also with my first boyfriend. I talked about the experience of the kiss of this girlfriend I tried to have, which was more or less a shocking experience. And I was so afraid of this first kiss from men. I was so nervous. And then we kissed and whoosh, fireworks, the best thing ever. So and gay sex was a really great experiment for me. Everything was new. And as I always said and always says, I'm a very curious person. So, yeah, let's try. Let's have fun. What experience did you take from that? Emotionally, physically, how did that help you grow? For sure. It gave me so much self-confidence. I was no more the introverted person I had been before. Well, of course, I grew up for a long time also in my gay life. It came not from one moment to the other. But it changed everything. It changed everything in my life for my life. But did you spend more time in your life in a relationship versus being single? Yes. I don't know how it happened, but I came very fast from one relationship and another relationship. But when you were younger in the community and you were seeing these bars for the first time, which bars in Luxembourg were your favorites? Which ones did you really like? I think an important thing also to understand. Ten, no, 15 years and more, more before we had six, seven or even more gay bars, which is really a lot for a city. So the capital of Luxembourg City has now 125,000 inhabitants. So at this time it was even not 100,000 and this had been really, really a large number of gay bars, which we don't have anymore. I must admit, the gay scene changed a lot, at least for considering the gay bars. So I would say the one, the bar I had been, I really liked was the Bar Rouge and I must say was the Bar Rouge because it doesn't exist anymore. It didn't survive Covid. Why did you like it? The bar man, the former bar man had been a very funny guy, spoke a lot with his clients. It was a very nice atmosphere, good music. Then a few years ago he died and last year there came another new bar man I really liked too, with whom I did lots, or at least because of Covid, several events. I think even great events with a lot of people coming and this was really fun. Were there any leather bars, any air bars, anything like this? So no, no, there have never been bars like this. As I told you, a very small country, a very, very small city, there had been gay bars. There had been several bars with drag shows. This was okay, but there have never been a bar specialized for bears or neither leather. And this is in my point of view something I personally missed and still misses, there should be because there is a small scene, but it's very difficult in Luxembourg because also to give you an explanation for being in Luxembourg, it's so fast going out to the other country. So if you want to go to Brussels, if you want to go to Cologne, or if you want to go to Paris, it's the same time, Paris with the TGV, with the high speed train, so it's one hour, 45 in 90 minutes you are in Brussels or in Cologne. So if you want to go really to a bear or a leather scene, you go up. And this makes it so difficult for a small community in Luxembourg. Let's explore that more. How did you even learn about the kinky community, the leather community, the bear community? I learned it in Cologne and there I went out and it's at this time, for me, I could even say it had been my second coming out when I went to the bars and to the cruising bars and when I first met leather guys and I thought, oh my god, this is so hot. And I think this was my first real when I met those men physically and the same more or less also for the bear scene. Yes, there is, of course, there's a bear scene in Luxembourg and I met them first for the bear pride. So the first bear pride has been or where I had been was also five years ago. And well, I'm also bear Mr. Bear number one, two, three, four, yeah, four, well, five, there had been five. So I'm number five. So even this is something more or less new. And but my experiences with leather and bears have definitely been in Cologne. You told me that the the bars and the gay scene in Luxembourg is very small. There aren't so many people. How did you know that you could go to another city to explore it more? Well, for Luxembourg, it's evident that in major large cities around, there is the real gay scene. And for myself, I was always interested in Cologne and Germany. And I knew there is the scene where people go out. And I really wanted also to be part of the scene. And I went out through the bars, gay bars, cruising bars, and there I finally met guys in leather or also the bears. And for me, this had been a very important point in the way that I say, oh, my God, this is so hard. This is really what I want to do. Did someone tell you about this? How did you know where to go? I meet them in the bars, drinking a colch. So that's the beer from Cologne. And I love to talk to people saying, hello, I'm Paul. And up you are in the conversation. And so does it happen. And there are many of guys I met, which I can say now, okay, they are getting good friends of mine. And yes, what did you learn about the kinky life? I met once a puppy couple at the bar. First time I met puppies. And first I looked to them and I observed them. And they were so kind, one with the other. So they take so much attention one to the other. And I said, oh, my God, this is so lovely. After this, I talked to them and I always made and make the same experience, nevertheless, the fetish they wear. These are persons, so open-minded, warm-hearted persons. And to listen to their stories, it's for me always a wow effect that the first image you could have from a kinky person, a fetish person, very often doesn't go together with their own personality. And for me, this was really something new. And to say wow, wow. Everyone has his personal story, so interesting. You can be this way, you can be that way, but you are all together and you must have the possibility to know them better and to say, oh, wow, I never thought about this. You have talked a lot about Cologne, but this is where you came out in the leather kinky community. You had your first kinky experience. What other impressions, what other thoughts do you have about the Cologne scene? For myself, I think the way that how this possible to get in contact with guys, to talk to them, this makes it interesting for me. And sympathetic. I really love to go there. So how did you begin to learn about the bare sea? First contact I had was not in Cologne, but it was really in Luxembourg during the bear pride. We had been for an election, so I have been in the public. And I thought, oh, wow, that's great. Okay. There are men talking to themselves as being a bear. And for me, it was also knew what as a bear. And I thought, okay, this is very interesting. Then in Luxembourg, we don't have any bear bars. We talked already about this, but in Cologne, there are bear bars. I went out to those bars and I met only lovely, open-hearted men. And again, I said, wow, they are so kind and well. So yes, drinking beers together, talking together, knowing each other. And that's what made it for me very interesting. What about it? What about the bear scene was the most attractive to you? It's, of course, the physical attraction of chest hair and being muscle bear. That's, for me, something really attractive. But not everybody is like this. For me, it's a whole something that gets together. So not everyone is a muscle bear, but the way the community lives together, this open-hearted way that's made it for myself, I say, whoa. Yes. I really want to be part of this. How did you begin to do that? Well, yes, going out to the bear bars, of course. But also the person who marked my way was the Michel, the Mr. Bear, before me, so two years ago, who, which I followed on Facebook and Instagram. And I thought, wow, what he does is really cool. For Luxembourg, be presented everywhere. And that was for myself where I said, this kind of stuff I want to do too. For example, representing Luxembourg in other countries, showing the presence, hey, here we are too, was for me something so important. And then also the role model as being bear. So you are how you are and it's really good the way you are. Be proud of it and show it. This was a philosophy where I found myself totally inside and where I told me, okay, Paul, yes, do this. Try it, go to an election and try your chance. Tell me about the contest for your title. My contest had been in October 2019. There had been four contestants. And it had been during two days, the first day was presentation at this bar Rouge where I told you where everyone had been presented and everyone had to talk to the public and so on, something I really love too. They talked, they asked some questions everyone had to do to answer and everyone has to show something special. And yes, so for myself, I sang a song. I think this was impressed the public. And well, yes. And it had been a big party already during the contest and after the contest, a wolf party. And it was really a great event. So there were four contestants. Why do you win? So yes, being there with the public and for the public, I think this was a major thing. There had been a jury who gave points and also the public who gave their votes. How is the scene in Luxembourg now? Are the bars are open? All the bars are open, but we don't have any more gay bars. And this is really, really, I can't explain it. It's for me, a world felt together. I remember when in Haber, the bar Rouge, which was not the bar man, told me, you know, in fact, last year in October, when you organized the events, we really did a lot of money, much more money than all the months before. But I don't think it's a good idea to reopen. And he wanted to do a little restaurant inside, which is still in work. And so, well, gay scene in Luxembourg, the gay bars in Luxembourg, till now has finished. I really hope that very soon a new bar will reopen. But we have other gay activities, which remain to restart, luckily. We have some gay parties. Now in October is a new gay party event. Gay nightlife is possible, even also gay bare life with the wolf parties. Yes. Tell me more about the wolf parties. The wolf parties are organized by, in fact, by the first Mr. Bear Luxembourg, Josie Sanchez, who always go, go, dance as Berg, dance as to come, especially coming from Spain to Luxembourg. And so they are men only parties with cool music. And there you really can see there is interest and people come. How do you want your community to remember you? For myself, it is important showing other people that you can be yourself. And it's that you should show it. You are as you are, and it's good as you are. And for me, it was important bringing together the Luxembourg bear scene and also fetish scene, which exists. In my imagination, I wanted to lead the bear and fetish community during the Pride walk. This year for the Pride, there is no walk again. There had been a Pride show, which was really great, but there had been no walk. And because of all those lockdowns we had, this was really, really difficult. And I can say, well, okay, this part of job I wanted to do, I didn't realize. And yeah, it hurts me a bit that this goal I wanted to do, I didn't reach this goal. What advice do you have for future title holders? Be open-minded. Go to the people. Get in contact with them. Speak with them. Show them the way you live. And be honest with yourself and with all those to whom you are talking or to whom you are in contact. Very well. I would like to thank you very much for participating in the interview or inside another History of Fireside chat. I hope I will meet you in Europe someday soon.