 On today's show it doesn't get any better than this Bob Saget. It's 3 a.m. Tuesday February 28th 2017. Welcome to the broadcast. I'm David Feldman, DavidFeldmanShow.com. On today's program we got a another great one. Bob Saget is with us. Also comedy writer Andrew Goldstein and comedians Kristen Buckles and Julia Rossi. We got a lot of show. Let's get right to it. Joining us from Los Angeles is Bob Saget. You can see him on Fuller House on Netflix. They're taping a brand new season in March. He's on tour getting his next special ready and he's directing a movie in May called Jake. Hello David Feldman, my friend, my hero, my brother, my sister, my wife, my concubine. I just miss you. I miss you bad. I'm sorry. I'm not in the studio with you. And yet I'm in your house and we have to do this over the phone. And it's hard to see you because you're under the desk, which is why I love you. And yeah. So yeah, they got it. I'm out to and stand up with my new hour and so I'm going to do like two hour sets, which is more than, you know, you want to give people their money's worth because they really deserve to be entertained, especially nowadays. But I mean, that's just too long. So that's something I've never heard from. Even in Thailand, you've heard you've heard too long and that's true, right? Yeah, that in Bangkok. Yeah. How long did you date too long? Well, I dated her sister three long. She was she was actually too long. So then I dated too long. And too long, starting to look a little long on the tooth. So I'm going to date one long. Your grandmother is six long. And that's just crazy. The woman can't walk without tripping. Yeah. Yeah. And her great-great-grandfather was Huey Long. Yeah. And then there was her, she had a white trash uncle get off my long. I think so long. So long the last thing too long said to me. And then let's see what else. What else we got there? You have to get something out there. Oh, sure. She had another sister that would refuse to get electrolysis. She was furlong. That's what I was just gonna, I was going to say that. I swear to God. Well, because you're a genius and I cut you off because you're smarter and funnier than me. I just, I just say it first. Didn't she have a mother named love you long time now? Okay. Yes. Yes. She had no sense of time. So now you want an Oscar. Tell me everything. You want an Oscar. No, I want a student Oscar. Like when, when Jimmy Kimmel, who was eloquent and I thought just freaking amazing, you know, just, I just thought he was, I mean, he's a friend, but the hell with that. He was just fantastic. I mean, I mean, not the hell with that friendship is more important than how good he wasn't hosting. But I just thought everything he did pretty much hit with his tone, you know. Yeah. I want a student Oscar. So they had student Oscar student Academy Award, winners handing out trophies. I just hope they're not the ones that handed out the double extra envelope that they had of Emma Stone's second envelope because they had one on either side of the wings apparently is what happened. That's the big travesty today. The only thing I loved about the Oscars and the travesty of the wrong envelope and wrong announcement of the wrong winner was it wasn't a political story. It was more of a Hollywood story going wrong and no one's really fact-checking. I don't know. Is your show real news or fake news or I can't as a fake boobs or real boobs? I can't decide. God, I want you to milk me. That's probably a bad aside. It probably is not something I should have just shared up on my head. Oh, God. I have others. You have others? Remember when Dana Carvey did that show for ABC was so great and he did a bit. We had a ton of other squirting milk. He made this whole big prosthetic suit. It was just so good. He was Bill Clinton. That's what it was. Bill Clinton milking being milked. Squirting milk. How many nipples do you have? 12. One for all the days of Christmas because there's six mates of milking and all that. That's two nipples are made. They can handle that. You won a student Oscar. Was it a documentary about your nephew? Yes. Yeah, my nephew had his face. This sounds like a joke because of everything that's led up to this moment. My nephew had a disorder called treat your Collins syndrome, which is his bones were not formed properly, hereditary thing. They operated on him and took ribs out of his chest and rebuilt his cheekbones and his ears. The movie was called through Adam's Eyes and that was 11 minutes long and I was fortunate enough to win. I got up to Temple University. That was my school. I went off to the Academy Award, a merit award. There was another guy, John Block, very brilliant guys that a lot of ABC pieces producing. Used to be Tom Brokaw's major segment investigative reporter, Real News. He won the award ahead of me about a gambler. It was quite fascinating but that was my first indoctrination to filmmaking and I came to LA when I was like 21 and was going to be a filmmaker. Went to USC for three days. They're grad school and then decided, Mitzi at the comedy store said, you're going to work here for free. And I said, okay, good. I'll drop out of college. So I stopped being a filmmaker. I probably would have made 20 films by now. Instead I've made some movies. I'm going to direct the N.A. a movie called Jake that I'm passionate about. And that's that movie you'll like. It's about a kid who's 15 who the family believes is on crystal meth. So my girlfriend calls an intervention on Facebook and that's not where you call an intervention. That's not a good idea. So it's a dark comedy and I'm excited about it. So that made you so you get to get out of the director jail again for a little bit. So it's been a while since then. Well, the last thing I directed, trying to remember where it was, gave me something after my penguin movie. Don't you do, don't you do martyr videos for ISIS? Yeah, all of it, all of it. And the last one was called quill at your head. And it's very, very strong. And it's all but using the overhead compartment, you know, you and it's, you know, that Joe Pesci movie was eight heads in a tuffle bag or something. Kind of get that philosophy to see if TSA stops you if you got eight heads in a tuffle bag. Because according to our regime presently, we're going to get every single ISIS member, which is obviously realistic. There's no way that's not realistic because they're spread all over the world and they're already infiltrated, already here and already everywhere. So there's, of course, they're all at one beer hall. We can get them all. I'm a member. So I get the screeners for the Jihad martyr videos because I vote on the jihad. The screeners is what they, after they put, they put the screener over the bucket after they cut your head off. But I actually, I came up with merch for ISIS and I'm pretty excited about it. Came up with what? Merch. Oh, merchandise for ISIS. Yeah. It's merchandise. Merch and Dices. So if they have events where they have terrible things that they do, because we're not fans, but merch is merch. And one of the main things I came up with was a t-shirt that there's no hole for the head. And I think that I'm telling you, I think you're going to catch on. It's just two arms and a little bit of an abdomen. I'm incredibly upset at where the world's at. Have you been having trouble sleeping because I've been texting you late at night and you have not, you have been up. You'll come up with three words to go back to bed, but I, you're a sensitive guy. You're a political guy. You always have been. Have you been upset? I've been having trouble sleeping. Have you been? I'm worried that our leader will not be able to get his plans implemented. Right to be able to get the right clothes for the apprentice. Because he's not happy with Arnold and he's got to make sure, because you know he's somebody's got a preparation. It's rolling in the dough. So I can't figure out if it's me or him because I've lived through. I'm going, is this, am I looking for an excuse to have an anxiety attack? Well, we're all having it. So it can't just be you. All of us are having it except for the people, you know, the people that support them. And it's understandable. People go, that's my president and I want to support him. And then there's other people that go, that's not my president. And you know, I support America. I love America, but that's not my president. The behavior is disappointing, you know. Let's focus on the positive. Let's do that. I agree with you. I agree with you. I think it's wonderful that he's attracted to his daughter because that shows that he, you know, he really loves her more than just mentally. There you go. He's a great father. He's a great father. And we're, can you say that again? I think I went through the cat. We could use, we could use a great father right now. That's true. And, you know, to be a great father, it's often that you had one, you know, I had a great father. I have three daughters. The reason I think I'm a, a really good father, I would say great because I haven't done everything perfect because I'm so many with is that they're so amazing. They're so beautiful and so smart. And, you know, and you didn't shield them. You didn't, you didn't, you weren't overly protective. I was. I said, that's not true. That's, I was, where would you come up with a policy like that? I met some of your daughters and they seemed very smart and educated. Some of them had a harem, but some of my daughters, well, I don't want to get into specifics, but they're very worldly and sophisticated and they've seen the world. They've seen some of the world and they haven't seen a lot. They got back from Cuba. They brought me cigars. So they're good daughters. But you weren't overly protective of them. I was sometimes and I needed to be because that's the case. They don't, how do they know how to do things? You know, I mean, people are 16. They're making mistakes. We all know nothing good happens after midnight at my house anyway. That's the, I remember you said that to me. I was having a sit down with my ex-wife at DuPars at the farmers market at one in the morning. And you said to me, nothing good happens at DuPars at one in the morning. No, that's true. You want to be at DuPars at 11 in the morning when everybody has a script and they're all reading it and they could, he could even just be like anything. He could be the surprego, you know? I mean, it could be a 40 year old spit of a movie gone with the wind, but they want to look like they're working today. They have the script right there. It's really nice. The people at DuPars, it's the best restaurant in Los Angeles. Yes, it is. I didn't mean to cut you off. I cut you off. I'm sorry. Said my moil. My moil. My moil, so I didn't mean to cut you off. Oh, wow. Yeah. So when you were. My baloney has a first name. Yeah, what's its name? A Harold. Have you ever had a gay, have you ever had gay sex? Because we've joked about it. Well, I was, no, let me, let me, let me be honest with you. I've been, I had gay sex in the old school terms of the word. I've had very happy sex. As far as the modern day terms where you can also say that gay means homosexual, I am not, but I feel left out to be honest with you. As a man ever thrown himself at you? Because I've been out with you. Yes. Yes. A man has thrown himself at me one time. I was walking through a warehouse and a guy jumped off of a ladder and he threw himself right at me. And his zipper was down and I was able to catch him when he has a testicle pointed to my mouth, which prevented his fall and actually saved his life. As a guy ever come on to you? I would assume. No, because I wear, I wear ranger, so it's going to be hard for them to, it's not going to be on me because I take off the rain gear and that's that. You're very polite. You're very kind to your fans. I think of all the people I know, you are the most grateful to your fans. Well, it took a long time for people not to go, you know, to hear that Milk Toast Full House or the video show who writes your jokes and, you know, it was commercial television and so there was not a hip quotient, you know, it was family television I was doing. So I didn't disagree with them. But also there's a purpose for it and cynical people don't see that purpose. But I think it's the hardest thing to do. I think the hardest thing to do. The hardest thing for me to do was to do stuff that wasn't my exact comedic voice, which, which would have been more sarcastic, more, more hip, more whatever hip. When you say more hip, you want to be more hip. You are more hip means just you're not, you couldn't be, you're a pentagram. But I, I do love when people are entertained by my work and now people are more entertained. I'm out doing stand-up and I'm loving the hell out more than ever because it's the first brand new hour. So the tour that I'm doing is strictly to get myself in order for a new special that I'll be really proud of. So I'm hoping that works. And what is the mood of the crowd right now? Because I've noticed that the crowds have changed. They, they're all saying, what's up with Feldman's facelift? Have you noticed that? No, I didn't get a face. Yeah, they say that to me. But I have noticed the crowd. There is palpable energy out there. They're butt cheeks clench when you mention certain names. Well, my audience is, I talk a lot about stuff below my waist, because I don't do much politics because people suffer enough. And there's enough eloquent people doing it. I mean, John Oliver, Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, people are really attacking this beautifully. It's so topical and changes moment to moment. I'm working literally on a special. So I wanted the common to be more evergreen so that it could be, you could watch it in five years and you're not watching. Oh, wait a second. He got impeached. He's not our president. Right. Or, oh my God, he's the king of the earth. Everything changed. There could go either way. He could be king of the earth. How do you fight the temptation to speak out on transitory issues like this? Well, I think a transitory issue, I think everyone should use the same bathroom. I think so. I believe this is what I believe. If you are a transgender and if you are a man and if you are a woman, and if you are any of the categories that can exist in a human being, everyone should use the same exact toilet at the same time like the totem pole. They should sit on top of each other and between each other's legs to get the work done. And the only thing is the guy on the bottom, his duty is to just keep flushing because there's a lot of shit. You said his duty is to keep on flushing? I did. I did a redundant. And then I went, I did a, you know, I mean, it was, it was a pun, but I've been hashtagging on most of my sites that puns matter. And I really do believe that. If you will put down puns, you know, you'll do a joke, especially on a kid. You're doing a tweet. Let's get back to the important stuff. And I know we only have a few more minutes left, but I'm going to bring up a subject. Well, no, I'm okay. I'm on life support. I know, but I'm going to bring up a subject. And I think you're going to cancel the rest of the day. And we're going to go six hours on this. No, I know, I know, but I'm going to, I'm going to bring something up and you're going to just show more. We could continue this also at a later date. Okay, let me pitch an idea to you because you already bought. Love it. You like it? I love it. This is a money making idea. Okay. No, does anybody enjoy a public restroom? Nobody. Nobody wants to use a public. I think the people that work there, because they've been standing behind the counter. If you work it in and out, and you get to go into the bathroom, you want to get it out and then go back in. You and I have spent a lot of time in men's rooms, you know, hanging out and nobody's happy. Nobody wants to talk to us. Well, the one thing you and I do that we can't help, it's almost our own little performance artist. We like to hand out paper towels and spray people with cologne and so they're in a fancy restaurant. And so we do it at a Denny's. We'll do it at 7-Eleven. And we just stand right outside. Sometimes we just sit there and go, Hey, excuse me, I've got to make number two. With the word fine, we'll just stand here. And it's just you and me just next to each other. And you've got, you've got that towel folded over your arm like a really fine waiter when you're about to select your steak. So I mean, I think that we make a little money because you always have a Polaroid camera and before you always knock on the door and say before you before you before you before you before you flush, would you like a picture with it? Would you like a picture with it? You had that. Oh, you're saying a duty soppy. Yeah, we'll take a picture of you. It's $5 by the time when you're back at your table. You're saying I extend my arm. Let me get this clear. You're saying what we do is that there's a gentleman sitting on the toilet in a rest stop off the side of the three way. And he is sitting in that toilet. You and I are both in the bathroom with him. He has made number two. And I after we tell him not to flush. And I hope no one's eating right now. And I reach out my selfie arm. I'm very strong on the selfie on selfie. And you're saying I kind of lift the camera up at a high vantage. And I take a picture of myself and you and the guy. And then I ask him to please don't block the actual the bottle. No, it's floating by itself. And we take a picture with the five of us in it. I know it's four of us. Sometimes it's five because he takes him a couple. I'm going to throw up. I swear to God, I'm going to throw up. But you're saying we take those pictures. That's what you're saying. Yeah, like they do at the store. If the store club, you'd go out and there would be a lady who'd come by and take a picture of you and there'd be a flash bulb that goes off. And in five minutes, you'd get a framed copy of that photo. And that's what we do. Yes, this is a velvet framed. Yes, it's an oval velvet frame like you just saw Elvis in Vegas. It is a gorgeous framed memento. And I sign it as well because you know, they're fans of Full House Fuller House because that's Fuller House start shooting this month, 18 episodes, third season. And I went right from taking a Polaroid of duty with a man in a 711 bathroom to plugging Fuller House a family show meant for everyone before you go before you go. Let me pitch you this idea because you have access to people with capital. You were at the I do. You do. And this is a great investment. Nobody wants to use a public restroom. You know those like Johnny Sands at a construction site? Andy Gump. Yes, right? Andy Gump. Andy. I didn't come up with Gump when it rhymes with Dump. When I see a port authority, I just think of Jackass. I can't think of anything else. I don't know why because they went and overturned one. I always think of a punch bowl. I think where's a ladle when you need one? Now that's actually upsetting because there's chemicals in those things. So people would die. The only way to do it is to tell ISIS that's where the party is. And give them the ladle. So here's the idea. When you have to when you have to do number two, there's an app. There's an app and you and I, we could do this. It would be like Uber. We would have a car that would tow an Andy Gump and we'd pull up outside the restaurant or the sporting event. You'd go in to our Andy Gump that's parked outside, do your business and then you're done. And you don't have to share a restroom with anybody. And then you and I would drive off and then I know that you learned as a child how to predict the future by reading these things, by, you know, examining. Yeah, it's like like tea leaves. Yeah. You read people's number two and then we can we can figure out how the stock market is going to do basic. Well, you know, you know the invention that retrieves that I invented. It's a part strainer and tong unit. And it's all one, one unit because you can't does anybody, a lot of people don't like this kind of humor, you know, a lot of people do not. Women I know really are offended by poor humor. I know, I know, I know. But you've always enjoyed it. You and I remember immature. This is immature. This is us being silly because we're dealing with the realities of the world. And, and sifting through your poo is something that can take your, it can take your mind off stuff. Is that the name of your special sifting through your poo? Pretty much. Where do you see it? You damn right it is. I'm probably going to clean it up so so many can eat a pizza while they're watching. I don't want people to say, I can't eat Bob's specials on what is getting a laugh right now, but you just can't do it. You you say to yourself, this is funny. It's hysterical, but it's a bad. It's just I don't want to be known for that. It's funny. Sometimes I'll come up with something thoughtful or more observational and people don't want to hear it from me. They're expecting something else. You know, they want to hear a combination of irreverence with a piece of truth. As we would say back in the world of poo, a kernel of truth. You're such a corny comedian. You know, I am. I have always, sometimes I get a little flush when I say like that, you know, but I just don't remember eating corn. I mean, I have no recollection whatsoever. I don't remember peas, but I don't remember why. I don't know why there's peas in my anyway. Yeah, there are things that I can't get into a battle as I do at night when I think of the injustices that are going on and the profiling and the racism and then the pain that comes from it. And I think the whole problem is when you incite anger in people and fear, you're creating the problem. So I think those are things that I would like to talk about that I will leave to people that can't help but do it because they're, I want to entertain people. I'm going to take them out of, I was talking to the great Norman Lear the other night and not to name her up, but what the hell else am I going to do? And we were talking and I said, you know, it's so amazing to be able to take people out of their lives for that 90 minutes or whatever it is when I do my stand up and he, and he goes, you're actually not taking them out. You're putting them into their lives. You're getting them to enjoy an experience as one together. And that is what comedians job is, whether you're being socially relevant or whether you're just entertaining, not just entertaining, it's a pretty significant thing. Or maybe you're shining the light on things. Maybe you're doing some observation that is, you know, you're thinking of what George Collin would say. A lot of it has become almost prophetic. It's become things that are true and just true for all of us. And what, where are we with religion? Where are we with, where have we gotten ourselves to as a culture at this moment in time with this craziness in our world right now? So my thing is to try to have a new song at the end of my show, which is about bringing people together. It's kind of like a, we are the world, but of course it turns off that little alleys would deal with all kinds of things that you wouldn't want to hear on the radio. I'm going to let you go. I thought the subject matter might keep you for another five hours, but I want to be respectful. It might have. It's my number two favorite. I love you. I love you. Hey, but I love you. No, I love man loves another man in a Turkish prison. You know, I love you like a man loves another man when ISIS captures us both because we're journalists, but because we're fake journalists, they let us live and they actually put us in a hotel and treat us really good at the palace. And we decided we're disappointed that we didn't get to be in prison and have sex with each other. So we do it in freedom. That's what I wish for us by the end of 2017. If we were in a cell and ISIS lopped off my head and then they were going to let me get, oh, we have to give me one set. Let me just get these pants off. So they lop off my head and they're about to lop off your head, but suddenly there's an airstrike and they got to run for cover and you're alone in the cell with me decapitated. You would honor my head, right? I would. I would hold it. I would caress it. I'd shake it and see if at the top of it it said try again. No, I would. I would be in horror to be honest. I can be I can be I can be rational right now. I'd be pretty damn upset. Bob Saget. Thank you so much. We'll talk to you. You're an amazing interviewer. You end on a note of what would I do with your severed head after after an airstrike and you would try and you would use it. You would use it as an eight ball. You would shake it. I might and it says try again. You that's my suggestion. Yes. So I could read the future and I would think the future for you at that point is not very good. Would you ever consider if this happens to flip my head right side up, cut the insides and use it as a pencil holder? Like put all your pens and clips and I thought about it. But the first thing that came to mind would be to hook a strap onto it and use it as a head handbag. Farmed out. It'd be I'd imagine what what candles used to do. You know, they would, you know, use every part of the cow. You know, you use fur or you use the meat. And I think that's what I would do with your carved out head, David. When you said you would use a strap on, I thought you were going into- No, no, no, no, no. I get like a like a purse strap. Okay. Another purse strap. That sounds normal pocket book. That sounds creepy to me. The other kind of strap on. I thought that makes sense. I won't do it. Okay, I'll get that one. I'll put that in your mouth and then that way I won't feel bad. I love you. Goodbye. I love you much more. You keep adding on worse notes. I'll see you in New York. I'll be there. I'm actually playing Westbury in a couple weeks and I'm playing the Count Basie Theater in Jersey and I'm playing Silly and I'll be doing Madison Square Garden for a wonderful show of charity for for children in need and I'm very excited to be doing that and that will be all in the next month or so. So you can see it on my website, which is DavidFelman.com. No, it's BobSagget.com and that will tell you where you can see the benefits that are coming up and if you want to see if I stand up. That was my plug after talking about things that would get people to not want to see me live ever. That's not true. That's not true. And only you can bring that. There's two things you can draw out in me and one of them is is sick comedy and the other is the thing that I have, you know, that I use for procreation. Those are the two things you can pull out of me. Does Westbury still have the sister theater? Which one is that? That was the Valley Forge Music Fair in Philadelphia area. I played Dingo. That was a really good place. I was hanging out. Their business was hanging on. Their business was hanging on by a hair. They really had a problem. Goodbye. I love you. Goodbye. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. Andrew Goldstein joins us. He's the co-host of Sorry I've Been So Busy. It's a podcast he does here at the show Briz Studios with Matt Goldich, who is a comedian and a writer for Seth Meyers and Andrew Goldstein is show running video. It's a new series on MTV International. Yes. So if you don't live, if you live in any of the 16 markets outside of the U.S. that get MTV starting in March, MTV video will be resurrecting the music video. It's basically human beavis and butthead. Do you enjoy running a show? Yeah. I like being the boss. Interesting. You know, it took me a really long time to realize that I have a producer's brain more than I have a writer's brain. I spent 10 years just being a writer and then that, as you know, leads to producing. And once that started, and I go back and forth, but I really do have a producer's brain like when I tried improv in my tool. Well, hang on for one second, because I didn't know producers actually had brains. So most don't. No. Did you stick your head in a microwave? I did. I just mean in terms of like, I see order. I see that belongs there. This belongs there. He belongs there. She belongs there. This is how this should go. As opposed to like, let it organically happen and be fine with it. That's why I sucked at improv, because I would come off the wall and I'd want to produce the scene. And it took me like 10, 11 years to realize that's what I was doing. How hard is it really to be a producer? You can fake it real. I mean, look, a lot of people do a shitty job and end up very successful, but... What is the talent of a producer? Aren't you just a glorified viewer? Yes. You are the... I don't know. You're the... You're the eyes and ears and nose of the audience. And you're the captain of the ship. You're managing your staff, which I love. I know a lot of people don't like that. Let's go back to being the eyes, ears and nose of your audience. How hard is that? That means you just sit around, watch TV and say, I don't like that. I have a lot of experience. TV did raise me. I was the youngest of three, single mom. So I have a lot of experience watching TV and being like, I like that. By single mom, you mean you only had one mom. Your parents were married. You just didn't have multiple moms like I did. Yes. No, my dad was a very big part of my life. It was just in the house, there was a mother and there was the father lived somewhere else. So single mom in quotes. But single mom could really be heterosexual marriage now. Yeah. You can say I was raised by... I was raised by a single mom because I didn't have two mothers. I had a heterosexual... You have to qualify it now because two mothers is very normal. Two fathers is very normal. So you can't just say single mom. I like that. I like that. It's a whole new way to think about it. And I can gain sympathy when I commit a crime. I can go before a judge and say, you have to have pity on me, your honor. I was raised by a single mom. Give me a break. That's not lying, under oath. Yeah. What I meant is, I had one mother. I didn't have two mothers. I wasn't lucky enough to be a lesbian. These lucky people with two moms, I only had one. Oh, I'm sorry. I only had one mother. Put me in jail. All right. So back to antagonizing you. No, I'm into it. Listen. I just want to... The two examples. Being a producer versus being a writer. In the back of your mind, every day that you go to work, you're thinking, I should be writing. Yeah. I mean, every writer thinks they're better than the performer they're writing for. And every producer thinks they're better than the writers and the talent that they have, that they're employing. You're a funny guy. Yes, sir. You really are. You're the real deal. Thank you. I wasn't sure until recently, because I haven't seen you. Well, I just got married, so... Right. So now you want to be out and about, and that's why I'm seeing you. No, it's hard to, you know, I have mine. I knew you when you were a sweet page at NBC. Yes, sir. And you were kind and excited. Wide-eyed. Yeah. But I don't know if you were funny. One mom. Yeah. I don't know if you were funny or not. Yeah. I kind of knew... I knew you were interested in comedy, but you're really funny. Then I met you at Race Wars again. And I thought, well, if you're working on Race Wars, you're funny. And then just hanging out with you. You're a funny guy. I mean, you are a genuinely funny guy. Thank you. And by my saying, you're a funny guy, what I'm really doing is establishing dominance over you. Yeah. Because... It's like I'm at the dog park. Yeah. And because if I say you're funny, that means I'm an alpha male who determines who's funny. You're also implying that you are an expert in funny, which I agree with. Exactly. You're a mentor. Exactly. But let me tell you... So really what I'm doing by saying you're a funny guy is I'm telling my audience I'm important. I'll say this. I am a supreme asshole. Being... Doing... Being in all forms of entertainment since 2000, the year 2000, that's when I moved to New York and was a page and everything since then. I've... You know, as being a producer now, I look at... I always try to sell myself as... I'm a producer with a writer's pedigree because I spent a decade employing myself as a television writer. I've always had trouble working with producers and respecting those producers that don't have a writer's background and try to, you know, give notes and... Do you worry your pedigree is being tainted that you're going to end up being a mutt? Is your DNA being diluted? Do you worry that by becoming a producer, there's going to be a little pit bull in you? I look at it the other way. I look at it as a strength, whereas like I can do both. I can jump in the writer's room and run that room if I need to. And I can have the respect of the people in that room because I could... I've been... I've done it as opposed to producer X who hasn't done it and jumps in the writer's room and starts giving the notes. This is really interesting. I'm going to stop teasing you and... I'm not even teasing you, but you just touched on something that I was talking to somebody about last week. This is really important and thank you for doing the show. Of course. David, when you call, I go through all the other things I have to do first and then I try to fit you in, especially in Chabis. What I love about you is you have to do this. Not comedy, this show, because you owe me money. I do. Yeah. No, you have to do this. You were a page because you had to be in show business. As you know, I consider anybody who worked as a page at NBC or CBS to be show business royalty because if you work as a page, you know the plumbing. You know the infrastructure of show business. You know what it's all about. It's a good way to put it. Yep. And you have to be funny. I've noticed that about you. So I have tremendous respect for you and I was just teasing you. Here's what you said that's so important and I want my listeners who are young. And when I say my young listeners, I mean, you know, 55, 60, 65. Yeah. Most of my most of my listeners are in Del Mar, Florida. Going, what? Is that my son? They're at a diner with a plate of eggs. This is what the podcast does for most of my listeners tell their parents in a nursing home to listen to this show and they think it's their son calling them. And they think they're listening to it on the transistor radio. Uh-huh. Wait, what were you going to say? Okay. So I have a lot of young listeners. I don't know why, but I do. And I was talking to a young person who was working for somebody and couldn't get a measure on what the job was, what his role was, and what his responsibility is. And I said, well, what do you do? And he said, well, I'm his partner. Really? Does he pick, you know, well, I guess I'm his partner. Maybe, maybe I work for him. Well, does he sign your check? Yes. Oh, then you're not his partner. You work for him. You're in his employee. You're in his employee, which means it's a very simple, because we don't talk about money in our culture. But if somebody's writing your check, signing your check, he's the boss. And he's the alpha dog, or she's the alpha dog, the bitch, and you obey the alpha bitch, because that's where the money comes from. And there's a militaristic approach to this. When you're in the military, unless you're being asked to do something that is against the law, you follow orders or quit. A few good men. Or quit. And that's how people should go to work. The other thing to understand is that when you show up at work, if you're the CEO of a corporation, you should hang yourself. No, if you're the CEO of a corporation, you're the boss, but you still work for people. Yes. There's no such thing as an alpha dog in this world. As Bob Dylan says, you got to serve somebody. Everybody has a boss. Everybody. No matter who you think is at the top of that mountain, they're answering to somebody else. So that when you go in and out of meetings, as you describe, when you're producing and then suddenly you go back into the writing room, you have to flow seamlessly between alpha and beta. There are times in the day when you're the top dog. But that's momentary. And then 30 minutes later, you're in a meeting with the chairman of the board. And you're not the top dog. Or you're selling something to another company and you're not the top dog. Nobody's the top dog. To be able to have that perspective, which I'm lucky enough to have, look, I never set out to be a producer and a showrunner. All I wanted to do was be in a windowless writer's room, hopefully getting free lunch. That's all I ever set out to do. And so just the fact that I'm in the position I'm in now, I love to go in the writer's room. I fully understand that my ideas are not the best ideas. My jokes are not the best ideas. I'm just part of the team. And then obviously when I leave that room and I have to make a decision or to be on a boring conference call or hire somebody, all of that, you have to be able to, like you said, go back and forth and have that perspective. I think a lot of people, CEOs, might not have that perspective because they have been on a rocket ship since college. I've seen it with a couple of bosses that I've had, Chris Maguire or Ray James. These were guys who are journeyman showrunners. They go from show to show. I've worked with them where they're not showrunners, where Chris will hire Ray and Ray will hire Chris. And it's really fascinating. It taught me a lot to watch how they lock in to the role of subordinate, that if Ray hires Chris, Chris just shows up, does his job, doesn't question him, waits till Ray says, hey, can you, but just falls in line. And then when Chris hires Ray, Ray falls in line. There's something very militaristic. And it's taught me a lot that when you go to work for somebody, you work for them. I would bet there's a ton of mutual respect between the two of them. I'm in a similar situation. I hired all my friends. That's a mistake. It is a mistake. But they are very talented people. It's a mistake. And one of them is a showrunner in his own right. But on this particular job, he is just directing. He is just directing the talent. And it's really fascinating to be like, well, technically, by the letter of the law, I'm in charge of you, but you're way more experienced as a showrunner than I am. So I'm leaning on you a lot more than you're leaning on me. But the next gig, you might be my showrunner. And that's just how it is. And we all accept that and respect that about each other. Then he's not a friend. No, he's a very close friend. But I think it's a type of friend. I think... Well, we were pages together. It's an occupational friend. Right, which is different from a real friend. Because an occupational friend won't stab you in the back. Won't complain. Won't sit by craft services and say he's doing it wrong. If I was a Dick producer, but I'm a very... Again, I'm new at it. So right now, perhaps there's a grace period, but... No, I think what happens is friend friends, really close friends, who you get drunk with, you hang out with. You've told them everything about yourself. You've... They've seen you at your worst. Before you ever worked together, just friend friends. When you ring them on board, they are the ones who... The minute there's a problem with the show, will complain to your higher-ups. Right. Well, yeah, I mean... Let's say I can do this a lot better. An occupational friend, somebody who you were a page with, would never do that. Yeah, there's a foxhole mentality with those guys. And they know that there's going to be another foxhole. Yeah, exactly. I mean, my best friend got... They all work in not entertainment, and if I hired them because of just cronyism, yeah, it would be a disaster. But in terms of my little inner circle of occupational friends, TV friends, they're the first, second, third, fourth, fifth phone calls I would make. Let's... Before I hire a stranger. Let's talk about ageism. Sure. Ageism. I have a little ageism in my pants right now. I think, God, my son sent me. Oh my God, one of my sons. I make a jizz joke. You bring up your son. This is wonderful. Well, he was my jism once. Exactly. Seamless transition. Seamless. I don't know. I have... My kids are fantastic. I have a kid. I don't want to violate their privacy, but I have a son who's an intellectual, who's now fluent in German, conversational German, reading Heidegger and Marx in the... Wow. I mean, the guy... But when... You're doing a podcast at the Sobrist Studios. I know, I know. I'm kidding. It's kidding, Alex. And he's living the life that he should be. Yeah. I'm very proud of him. When we text back and forth, he is constantly making jism jokes. I mean, it's just... But they're very intellectual jizz jokes. I was gonna... I texted him last night and he made me laugh out loud and it was... That's gotta be great as a dad. He said... And I'm telling you, this guy is as progressive and liberal as Ralph Nader. He's just a miracle. Right. And on the right side of history, he said something about being... He no longer... I know... Yes, I read that article and now when I see a homeless guy on the street, I no longer blow my wad in my pants. Here's what he did. He said I was very moved by that. It changed how I see this group of people. And now when I see a homeless guy on the street, I no longer blow my wad in my pants. And I don't go ha. And then he types back, now I blow my wad in his face. I love that that's the relationship you have with your son. So I write back... You know, he grew up, I gave my kids notes. I noted my kids to death on their jokes. That's great. And I said, yes. That is... I laughed. That was mathematically correct. Very good. I'm proud of you. But really, is that the best use of your spear to do a joke about blowing your wad in a... He heightened? Yeah. You know, he created a very visceral image in his father's head. Well, it was two laughs. One was just the shock of his blowing his wad in his pants from seeing a homeless guy. The profanity was shocking enough. But then the tag with... He blows it in the guy's face. He clearly understands comedy having, you know, being raised by you. He made it even worse. Yeah. Which... But it's a waste of his time. Ageism is the problem. Ageism. Ageism. Ageism. Ageism. Is a singular gism. You're young. You're just starting out. Yes. You're just starting out. Do you think ageism is caused by old people? I'm gonna hypothesize that ageism is the fault of old people because they become victims of their own expertise. They can't sit around a table with young people without saying, ah, we did that already. That's been... Who the... Yeah. Right? Yeah. Do you have trouble? Would you have trouble? I wasn't on the... I wasn't with you on the premise until you gave that example. And I'm like, yeah, that's probably right. That's probably why there's the... There's the... ...hesitants to bring an older person into a room of younger people. Mm-hmm. It's the get off my lawn, you know, we did it better. Look, I'm old, however old I am, 38, and I'm obsessed with the fact... I can't believe certain pop culture things aren't in the frame of... ...aren't in some people's purview. The kids dancing the Lindy. Yeah. I mean, the Lindy and the flappers, they're making fools out of themselves. Yeah. And when I write jokes about that, nobody gets it. My wife, it's weird to say that, we just got married. My wife, we are eight and a half years apart. And I'm a funny... I am a pop culture person, so everything is a pop culture person. Everything is a pop culture reference. And it blows my mind that if she doesn't understand a Princess Bride reference or a... But you can rework those references. I mean, if you're... Yes, and I've gotten better at not being like a maid, you know, like making her feel dumb. Mm-hmm. When she's like, I don't get what that means when you say master your domain. She doesn't watch Seinfeld. She has, but now I'm... But she shouldn't be quoting Seinfeld. You shouldn't be getting laughs off Seinfeld. Shame on you. But I wish I had a better... Even like now, I've gotten her into politics because of everything that's going on. And so certain things will come up during the screaming shows. Certain references will be made. And I'll be like, that is such an interesting point. And then she might not know the reference point. Mm-hmm. Well, while you're trying to think, old man... Yeah. No, but let's go back to your main point. I want to get back to one thing about politics. And I'm not going to talk about politics with you today. I need a breather from politics. That being said, we have a very diffused culture. It's been segmented and it's going to continue to get segmented. But I think one unifying element is politics. There are only 530 politicians. So if everybody pays attention to politics, comedy will be much easier. Because we'll know who the fat guy is, who the old guy is, who the moron is. All those... Anyway, go ahead. Well, we're going to say about the... The example when everything went down with Mike Flynn, Mike Flynn, General Flynn, somebody was likening it to Oliver North. And so I was like, oh, that's such a good point. And she asked me who Oliver North was. And because I've learned through the pop culture sphere conversations that we've had, I was able to be like, well, okay, so here's what happened. As opposed to be like, you don't know who Oliver North is. You don't remember the Iran Contra affair? Meaning, you know, that's how I used to be. So I've gotten to a better place of being very accepting of the fact that there is a gap there. And so if you take that into the workplace, in my role, I have to be very accepting of my staff, which is mostly millennial. Yeah, I don't want to attack the millennials. I read an interview with a professor, Snyder from Yale, has a new book, and I'm going to try to get him on the show. And he was talking about this. It's a problem. And it could be the end, he says, of the Republic. The inability for millennials and everybody to have any context, any historical perspective, to remember anything that came before us. What it allows is somebody like Stephen Bannon to use the authoritarian playbook. And people don't know that they're doing what Goebbels did. Point, for example, on the cab ride down here, I busted out laughing. I swear to God, this is true. There was a commercial on WINS, the news station, for Budafuco and Associates. I immediately left. Alex, how old are you? 28. 28. I heard a commercial today for Budafuco and Associates. It's a law firm. Does that make you laugh? Who is that again? Yeah. So that would be a perfect example of something that would probably happen with me and my wife or me and one of my millennial office staff. And then you kind of, but what's so interesting, by the way, Joey Budafuco and Amy Fisher, he cheated on his wife with a girl named Amy Fisher. And then that girl, Amy Fisher, came, rang the doorbell and shot his wife in the face. And she survived. And she survived. And that wife was Greta Van Susteren, who now is on MSNBC every night at six o'clock. What people don't know. It's a hilarious joke if you Google image both names. Greta Van Susteren covered the OJ trial and her face was crooked. Yeah. And I used to write jokes. Just like her beliefs. And I used to write jokes. Why is Greta's face out of joint over this? Don't get your face out of joint. Or that's almost as crooked as Greta Van Susteren's face. I mean so many. Yeah. And then one day she got it fixed. But did she? Yes. She did kind of. And it was cruel and it was wrong. Yeah. But this was the 90s when. You were allowed. You were allowed. There was no bullying in the 90s. Huh? There was no bullying in the 90s that what that label didn't exist. That was comedy writing. That was comedy writing. You were one. Nobody, nobody tried to get you off a Twitter because of that in the 90s. And it was wrong. Yeah. You are the Milo Yiannopoulos of the 90s, David. We'll get to him in a second. So the fact that nobody knows who Joey Butifuco is, that was a hack premise. Joey Butifuco. Yeah. It got destroyed. It was beyond hack. I remember some, oh, Sinead O'Connor went on SNL and ripped up a picture of the Pope. Yes, yes. And the next week Madonna came on and ripped up a picture of Joey Butifuco. Yeah. Which was pretty funny. That was SNL's answer to the controversy. Yeah. And I remember thinking, wow, Madonna's actually funny. That was really funny. Yeah. Nobody knows who Sinead O'Connor is anymore, including Sinead O'Connor. People, look, dude, Michael Jordan, best basketball player to ever live, iconic, you know, branded person, the whole thing. Now, if you're like 18, you only know him as the crying guy in the meme. Right, Alex? Some kids don't know that he's the greatest basketball player of all time, but if they see his picture, they know that he cried once and he gets destroyed about it on the internet. I'm going to defend the millennials now for not knowing this stuff. They have bad parents who didn't tell them who Michael Jordan is. No. And the effect. They're victims. They're victims. Think about what's going on right now, how you're unable to keep up with all this stuff because of the internet, because everybody's a journalist. Everybody has a podcast. Everyone's an expert, yes. Everybody has a podcast. Everybody has everything. How do you find out what's going on? There's no way. So, if I'm a millennial and millennials are the ones who buy everything and are into fashion and pop culture, pop culture exists because of millennials. Right? Always. They follow what's going on. In order for them to keep up with all this stuff, they have to say, okay, what came before me? There's just no time in the day to learn about what came before me. Yeah, because there's so much else. And that serves our corporate overlords because you can be tricked. You can be tricked if you don't know what happened in the past. Yeah, a whole new reality can be built and you just accept it. And you can, if you want to exploit the millennials, you can use old tricks that they don't know about. But the other side to that is because there are so many mediums that so many that everyone is on, there are these watchdogs all over Twitter that will say, Bannon is basically doing what Gerbils is doing. Here is the proof. Now people ignore it, but that information is out there. There are those voices. There are those. There are many people on Twitter who are watchdogs like that. Yeah, but there's nothing you can tell. But you can't force somebody to follow those people and to see the content, the counter content that they are producing and putting out there. What do you think is going to happen? Just in general. Yeah, tonight. Are we going to have sex? You can play your cards, right? Yeah, I'm a big conspiracy. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I love conspiracy theories. And I think there has to be a shoe that will drop. Every day I wake up being like which journalist is going to get him. And I'm going to go ahead. I'm going to tell you why you're wrong. Really, honestly, not a premise. That goes through my head every morning. I scroll through Twitter and I say which of these guys, which of these watchdogs is going to get him. And honestly, you know what I think is the answer is going to be some regular person on Reddit or some regular person who somehow gets access to something. Why am I wrong? I'm going to tell you why you're wrong. I want you to think of a prostitute's vagina. Why do you think I wasn't thinking of that? Think of a male prostitute's anus. Seriously, think of a prostitute who has five or six partners every day for sex. And how numb my eyes are closed. Think of how numb their vagina anus and mouth becomes. Think of a comedy writer whose son texts him a joke about blowing his wad in his pants and how we laugh and think, oh, that's a normal conversation between a father and a son. Yeah. Think how we... There are no rules. Think how we have accepted that it's okay for a father and his adult son to text back and forth jokes about jizzing on a homeless man's face. And you go, oh, that's harmless, right? Yeah. Okay. At the ages that you're at now, Donald Trump is not going away because there is no shoe that's going to drop. We are numb to the affronts to our sensibilities. He cannot say or do anything that will shock us, that will be illegal or unconstitutional. It's like he said during the election, I could run out in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and people would still vote for me and show up to my rallies. People need to stop with the wishful thinking. Right. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing is going to happen. This is football now, and I hate to use a sports analogy. No, I'm about to make one. But this is a ground game. This is inch by inch. You have to fight him. It's a ground game. Right. There are no Hail Mary passes coming. This is every- If you're right. If there was a shoe to drop, it would have happened during the election. They're not going to get them. They're not going to get them. They're not going to get them. On top of that, we've talked about this the last time I was on your show, but I have a background in it. But let me just point out that the American people are like a prostitute's vagina, mouth, or anus. We're stretched beyond- That's what- But anyway- So when you listen to the news, I'm just going to keep interrupting you. So when you listen to the news, the point I'm making, because I'm doing insightful political commentary right here, when you listen to the news, remember that your ears, America, are like the mouth, vagina, and anus. It's a great hot take, and I like it. Your ears right now are like the mouth, vagina, and anus of a prostitute with a work ethic. Yeah. You have- Good old American hardworking prostitute. You have heard everything, and nothing makes you aroused. You don't feel it anymore. The other side of- The point I'm making is if the listeners, your ears, eyes, and mouth are like the- Ear. Go ahead. Last time I was on your show- Yes. We talked about how I wrote for the WWE. Yes. Wrote professional wrestling. There is a practice, a time-honored practice, basically the fundamental practice of professional wrestling is selling what is being done to you, whether you're being punched, kicked, suplexed. You have to sell the pain. You have to sell the- You have to- It has to register, and you have to sell that that is happening to you, even though the force of what is happening to you is not legitimate, correct? That is calling selling. It's the fundamental cog of professional wrestling. Wow. There is something in wrestling called the no-sell, which is if I throw a quote-unquote punch at you, and you just stand there and smile when it hits you, that's a no-sell, and it's like a big faux pas in wrestling. He no-sold it, right? So a lot of people have been interviewing me or asking me about like, Trump, WWE, he's been in the ring. Like, what does he take from professional wrestling? Because he's such an orator and he's such an antagonist on the microphone. And I would say it goes way beyond just what he does on the microphone. Slow down, slow down, slow down. I'm about to make- I know, I want to- Slow down, I'm not going to interrupt you. I just want to make sure my eyes stay- I know, I want to make sure that you can relax. This is really important to me. And I just interrupted you to tell you that I'm not going to interrupt you. Great. So the number one, what I say to them, it goes way deeper, what he took from the world of professional wrestling, not just being able to antagonize an audience and draw people into the room with what he's saying on the microphone, whether true or untrue or boastful, whatever, is the no-sell. He took that from wrestling and used it to get where he is. But it's a faux pas. Look at everything he's no-sold, everything that's been thrown his way. He's Teflon. But that's considered a faux pas in wrestling. Yeah. But, and he's using it, he's weaponized it. He's weaponized the no-sell. So- Are there any wrestlers? Gold star, parent, no-sold it. Taxes, no-sold it. Not mentioning the Holocaust on Holocaust Remembrance Day, no-sold it. Brush it off his shoulder. There are- McCain. McCain, no-sold it. Wow. It's literally, it's clear as day to me because I'm a wrestling fan, but like that is what he's, that's exactly his core philosophy is dust off, you know, brush off, it just brushes off my shoulder. When did you work for the WWF? 2006. And you did storylines and you- Storylines, characters, the whole thing. But I've been a wrestling fan for over 30 years. And Donald Trump wrestled Vince McMahon? Yes, in a tag, in a, with other people involved and it was their hair versus their hair. Is it- Trump won and he shaved Vince McMahon's head. Is it fair to say that Donald Trump sometimes takes a break from pouring over his intelligence briefings to turn on the TV? I know it's hard to believe, but is it possible that the President of the United States would take a break from reading all the reports that are put on his desk that he would watch wrestling? He would cray on. Yeah. You think he watches wrestling? I think on Monday night he retires alone to the, to the quarters and he puts on Monday Night Raw because Vince is his best, one of his best friends and that's, and he's got three TVs, he's got Raw on one TV, he's got CNN on the other TV and he's got Fox News on the third TV. And he loses himself. And then he tweets. I don't know if any of that's true, but what I do know- Oh, no, no. Rachel Maddow the other night talked about the invasion of Yemen that went poorly. Yeah. And he was tweeting while that was going on instead of being in the situation. Yeah. She tracked the tweets versus the timeline of the Navy SEALs going in and attacking. He was like in the quarters tweeting. Tweeting about the show that he was going to be on, promoting a show about Fox News and then correcting it. Yeah. So he watches wrestling. I don't know if he's currently watching wrestling, but he has been around it. So, I mean, look, the relationship with Trump and Vince goes back to WrestleMania five and six when they, they took place in his properties. So he's been around the business enough and he's so close with Vince McMahon who's the architect of all of that world that I'm, that's where he picked it up. He's like, you, anything you say to me or anything that I say, I'm just being a calm, just being my character. So the media, the New York Times, the Washington Post, they've been banned from some of the press briefings. Lawyers, the elite. Don't know anything about wrestling. Exactly. And they don't understand that they're dealing with a wrestling heel. All he said, when judges are saying, no, you did that, you did that wrong. That's illegal. He's a wrestling heel saying, you're illegal. And I'm going to show you why you're, and I'm going to show you why you're legal April 25th in the Coliseum. I'll show you why you're fake news. That's all he's doing. He's cutting wrestling promos and he's no selling the baby faces comeback. And it's fixed. Well, apparently by Russia, who is Vince McMahon, we just figured it out. Anyway, I don't want to go a deep dive into wrestling, but I had to bring that up because that's how I, that's the prism through which I see everything, is that he's just standing up there, he's just not, none of it registers with him. Is there a wrestler you can cite who he's not really because his career after it, when you step in, there's the, you have to respect your opponent because they're putting their life in each other's hands because of the physicality. And so the no sell happens, but it doesn't happen at the rate that, you know, he, like I said, he's weaponized it. Nobody's ever really done that because it, because the no sell in wrestling undermines the whole thing, which it kind of does also in politics, but he right now, he's succeeding because of it. How frightened should we be pretty frightened? If you mix that with what you're saying with, there is no shoe to drop. There is no shoe big enough to make him sell the only time I've seen him. The only time I've seen him, it's really like, I can't even think of a time where something actually was thrown at him and it registered with him and he honestly reacted to it. The only time I, in the debate when they, when stupid Ted Cruz made fun of New Yorkers and Trump had that genuine moment where he was like, wait a second, I was here, I was in New York on 9-11 with the great firefighters and That wasn't a genuine moment. No, I know he was using it for politics, but that was the only time I was like, well, there's kind of empathy there. No, I don't think so. There's that interview with him on 9-11 saying, now I have the tallest building in New York. This is true. I don't know. Like I said, it's all just, I just have to, for me to be mentally healthy, I have to wake up every morning thinking there's a young Woodward and Bernstein out there that is feverishly going through meeting with sources in parking garages and finding his taxes. There's something that Trump and his surrounding, something his people understand that Americans I think don't understand about Woodward and Bernstein. It was the deep state that brought Nixon down. Mark Felt, I don't know if I mentioned this on the show or not. I know we had a, we were running long and I cut, I may have cut this element, but I wanted the audience to know this. What brought down Nixon was what's going on right now. Rogue elements of the FBI and the CIA leaking things to the New York Times and the Washington Post. Right. Deep throat was a guy named Mark Felt. Yes. He was second in command at the FBI. I think he had Clyde Tolson's job. Clyde Tolson was J. Edgar Hoover's lover. They shared a life together and they had a really twisted, romantic relationship. Clyde Tolson was number two. By that I mean he was a bottom. Yeah. Relate the number two. And when J. Edgar Hoover died, Mark Felt became second in command and did not like Nixon and had an axe to grind and began leaking stuff to Woodward. Right. This is all the backstory. This is fascinating. And was confirming a lot of information. The FBI is a spy agency. They tap phones. Yeah. They leak. They wiretap. They wiretapped Martin Luther King. J. Edgar Hoover had tapes of Martin Luther King having sex. He didn't need to prosecute Martin Luther King. He just sent those tapes to Blackmail. To, yes he was a Blackmail. Back then they weren't called African American. Yes. Those tapes and photographs of Martin Luther King having sex were sent to Coretta, his wife. There's no need for a trial. Right. They literally told, the FBI literally told Martin Luther King to kill himself. Could you survive that? I couldn't. That's the deep dark state. Mark Felt, who we consider to be a hero in America because he leaked to Bob Woodward. Mark Felt had to be pardoned by Ronald Reagan because Mark Felt, when he was at the FBI, got caught breaking into anti-war protesters' homes and doing illegal wiretapping. They were paid protesters. Yeah, of course, paid protesters. Mark Felt, deep throat, was convicted of violating the constitutional rights of anti-war protesters. So it's a fastian bargain when you say, okay, we're going to have the FBI take out Trump. It's a fact because they're not on the side of the American people. These are spy agencies with access to crime that we don't understand. Yeah. So the reason I'm optimistic is this. Trump is ruining lives, that's why I'm optimistic. Now, he is ruining the lives of people. He's ruining, if you're Arab, if you are a Muslim. If you even look Arab, look at that story that's in the news now with the Indian kid that got beat up because they thought he was a Muslim. This is how I'm optimistic, as long as I'm not affected by Trump's policies. Yeah, as white guys. But I'm a Jew. True. True. Oh, I got something to tell you. So the only optimism I have right now at this moment, and I don't mean to scare the listeners, but I had an anxiety attack last night. I tried to do a digital detox and I just got anxious. So I had to go back and start. See what you missed. And I had a genuine anxiety attack because I felt weak and vulnerable about what's going on with Trump. So where does the optimism come in? And I had to work this out. Germany and Japan are pretty good right now. And the reason they're pretty good right now is they were completely leveled. They were horrible countries. America leveled them. And they had to start over. They started over and they learned from their past and they don't seem to be repeating a lot of those mistakes. My hope is Donald Trump is a wrecking ball. What he's doing right now, going after every institute, I mean the guy. Well, that's Bannon said it at CPAC. He said he wants to take all the agencies he wants to just deconstruct. There is some value to somebody coming in. Maybe I have a feeling a lot of lives are going to be destroyed. And this is what making me very anxious. But 20 years from now, the best case scenario is it's post-Trump. The same way we look at World War II, what came after Trump. And what he is doing, the balls on this guy to attack the FBI, to attack the CIA, to make statements that the war in Iraq was a mistake and that the CIA cherry-picked intelligence, that is as bold a statement as you and I can make for a president to say that. We'll learn some lessons as a country. If he can do this in a way where Mexicans, and it's not happening, they have ice now on the subways rounding up people, it's bad. It's really bad. And it makes me really angry at Jews because 80% of us in America know it's bad. But there's this element, this 20% that says, well, it's okay because Jared Kushner is Jewish. That's where I really get so angry. And that's the thing that popped into my head. I've been doing this thing on Twitter whenever I see any story about the Trump White House not recognizing the Jewish part of the Holocaust or the vandalism, not recognizing the vandalism that's going on and being part of the alt-right. Any of these stories, I will quote, tweet it, and then with the tweet, I will write, cool tribute to your grandparents at Jared Kushner. I've done it about 10, 11 times already. And I will continue to do it. Well, instruct my listeners to do it. The Jewish listeners tell the story. So anytime you see any story about the alt-right and their connection and their being allowed in the political process because of the Trump White House or Trump or the Trump, his surrogates not recognizing the anti-Semitism that has grown because of his being elected to the presidency. Any of these articles that get posted, quote, tweet it, and just write, cool tribute to your grandparents at Jared Kushner and at him. And we follow each other on Twitter. You and I. Yes, at Anggold, A-N-G-E-G-O-O-D. And say that again clearly. A, at Anggold, A-N-G-E-G-O-L-D. I am trying to learn Twitter. I'm better on Facebook and I get more responses on Facebook than I do with you. Yeah. But here's one of the things I want to say to the listeners. Some of you have been tweeting at Bill Crystal and you include me in the tweet. So I retreat it, I retreat. I retweet it, not retreat. So, for example, I ask people to follow Sleeping Giants on Twitter, which exposes people who advertise on Breitbart News. Oh, I didn't know that. And they are shamed into pulling their ads from Breitbart News. It's called Sleeping Giants. Oh, I got to do that. So, if you see a tweet on Sleeping Giants that's shaming an advertiser on Breitbart, include my name in that and I will retweet it. So I know a lot of you have been going after Bill Crystal. I don't want to talk about Bill Crystal, but when you... Loved him in City Slickers? Uh-huh. When you, if you include my name as some of you have been doing, I will retweet it. And what are you saying now? I say... I just take anything that has to do with, like I said, the alt-right or anti-Semitism as it relates to Trump. And I quote tweet it, which is a function. If you press the retweet button, it will say quote tweet. That means that story will appear in your tweet and there will be a line above it with your message in relation to that. And I write cool tribute to your grandparents and then I at Jared Kushner. So I hope, if I do this enough, at some point he's at late at night scrolling through his ad messages and sees this and it just gives him a little rumble in whatever soul he has left that he, and he feels, maybe he feels bad. I would hope that he would feel bad because his grandparents were Holocaust survivors. He went to Yeshiva. He's a religious Jew. He raises his kids Jewish and I just... He obeys the Sabbath. He obeys the Sabbath. I just don't understand where the disconnect is, where he's able to be a open party to everything that's happening in his family. Not just his government in his country, but in his family. Well, he, just because you're the child of a Holocaust survivor doesn't mean you have instant nobility. Sure. Doesn't mean you have instant grace. You don't have grace. And many, I grew up around Holocaust survivors. They didn't start out as Holocaust survivors, but when my parents moved in it was pretty bad. It became a Holocaust. No, I grew up around Holocaust survivors and they are victims. The children and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors have deep psychological problems that are traced back to the Holocaust. I kind of feel bad that I've made jokes about the Holocaust on this show. I have a Gallows humor about the Holocaust. I have on this podcast. Yeah. And it's how... Like Milo, Gallows humor. Yeah. Kidding. So, and this is, and Jared Kushner comes from Dreck. Yeah. He's Dreck. His father did time. Super criminal. His father did time because he wrote checks. He pretty much wrote checks in his son's name to jersey politicians like McGreevy. The genius Jared Kushner was off at Harvard. Being a genius, right? He's a... Meanwhile, his trust fund was being diluted by his father because his father decided to make illegal contributions to democratic politicians. And then his brother-in-law, Jared's father's brother-in-law decided to turn state's evidence. So Jared's father hired a prostitute, paid a hooker $10,000 to videotape him having sex so that he could blackmail his sister or whatever. It's very... Yeah. And he ended up doing time. So Jared Kushner comes from crap. But I would think at some human basic level. But you're projecting your humanity onto a disgraceful human being. 100%. That he would marry into the Trump family? But then how... I don't know. But I just... If he's a Shabbos observant and went to his chief... Like I just know what value system he comes from. First of all, the Sabbath is sacred, but it's a gift to yourself, not to the universe. It's you turning... It's less about that. It's just that I know the value system, regardless of his family, but the value system that he was... His formidable years where I just... I can't wrap my head around him being a scumbag. He's a scumbag. That much of a scumbag. Oh, he's a scumbag. To let his... To be in meetings where somebody is suggesting to Trump and his surrogates not to mention Jews in this message about Holocaust Remembrance Day. And he doesn't raise his hand. In the immortal words of Maxine Waters, my old congressperson from LA, he's a scumbag. Thank you, Maxine, for calling these people scumbags. They are... She was on television. They called them scumbags. He is arrogant to think that he can control Bannon. He's arrogant to think he can control it. The Jews who have said to me, it's going to be okay for the Jews, because Jared did that. I know, but I don't even think it's 20%. I think 20% of American Jews voted for Trump because of Israel. I doubt it's 20% who think this anti-Semitism is limited and that the anti-Muslim stuff is cool. I know that the Orthodox Jews who tend to vote for Trump are really pissed off about the Muslim ban. For what I have said to the few Jews I talk to who support Trump and say to me, it'll be okay for the Jews because of Jared Kushner, I say, who cares? If it... Yeah, exactly, just because it might be okay for your little sliver of your life, it's not okay for a million other people. And Jewish values should direct you towards empathy for everybody. That's the conflict for me. This guy grew up with all of that and still purports to observe all of that. Well, the reason I take pride, no, the reason I'm not a self-hating Jew is I look at the numbers as a Jew. We love numbers. We love numbers. And I say 80% of a religion that voted for Barack Obama, that's pretty good. I'll belong to any religion where 80% voted for Barack Obama. Can I make a transition now that you brought up Obama to an amazing episode of my podcast that we just had that I think you will be very interested in? Yes, I want to talk about your podcast in a second. I just want to stay on one topic for one second. The people who are listening right now, your ears are like the vagina and anus of a well-experienced prostitute. Yeah. A hooker with a workout. A grizzled veteran. A journeyman. We're going to sell, we're going to sell Eustacean tube rejuvenation on the show. You know how they have vaginal rejuvenation? That would be a good sponsor for you. Eustacean tube, is the Eustacean tube the ear hole? Larry Eustacean? Isn't the ear hole Eustacean? Quite possibly could be. We're going to find a doctor who can do Eustacean tube rejuvenation so that you can still feel the garbage coming at you on the show. It's a public service you're providing. It is. I have divided Americans into three categories right now. What do you think they are? Obese? No, you let me know. Okay, I think there are three types of Americans right now and we all fall into one of these categories. We are either criminally insane, immoral, or stupid. If you're an American, you are either criminally insane, immoral, or stupid. And I will accept you if you exhibit one of those categories. So if you're crazy, you can be my friend. If you're immoral, you can be my friend. If you're stupid, you can be my friend. But if you're two of those categories, you need to self-harm. Right. I would add the fourth one as morbidly obese. I think one of the reasons we have an obesity problem is- Because of a few of those. Because of stupidity, the craziness, and immorality. I think all problems stem from either being crazy, immoral, or stupid. Well, that's different than saying all Americans are one of them. No, no, all Americans are. You really think so. Okay, I think- What about- I'm crazy. I'm crazy. You're stupid. Yeah, completely. What about like super woke people like John Stewart? Immoral. He's an immoral guy. Yes. With his animal charity farm upstate. The way he fought the Riders Guild was immoral. Okay. Crazy. Bernie Sanders. Hang on for one second. Crazy, immoral, stupid is a new game. Fuck Mary Kiln. Yeah, crazy, immoral, stupid. Okay. But Bernie Sanders. I would say crazy. For thinking you had a chance to win. Yes. Yeah, interesting. This is not a plug of my pocket. Okay, one more. Give me another example. Let me think. Who else is super? Elizabeth Warren. Did I- She's not stupid. She seems to not be immoral. Busted. You found the chink. What is she? You found, I- But we never know because there could be some dark side to her that we don't know about. I'm busted. She's probably a freak in the sheets, woman on the street. Probably. I hear Avanka. And yet she persisted. Avanka. In the bedroom. Avanka is a freak in the sheets. Oh, of course. When she goes to those rallies that the KKK holds, she's a freak in the sheets. It's because I'm making a KKK joke. Right. She should add two more Ks to her first name. That's funny. Yeah. Instead of taking Kushner's last name, she's just adding two more Ks to her first name. Did your wife take your name? She's in the process of trying it. Goldstein. Stein, yeah. I asked my wife to take my name so I could no longer have it. Feldman. I don't want it anymore. My father told me to take her name. He said, your life will be a lot easier if you get rid of the Feldman. And I said, I don't want to live in a country where I have to change my name. She has, yeah, I get emails from Jamie Goldstein and I'm like, who is that? And then I have to remember that. Is your wife Jewish? Yes. Do you get tired of having a last name, Goldstein? I walk into your room. No, it's super Jewish. I walk, I am tired that you have a name, Goldstein. You're tired of me having that name. Wouldn't your life be easier if your Judaism didn't precede you? Maybe, but I like that people know right away that I'm going to come in and be... Chew up the place. Chew it up. You do. I lean in. I lean into all of that. I do. You get some perks because of it. What are the perks? I lean in. People will put up with a lot more neuroses from you if you have the name Goldstein than if your name was Johnson. Doesn't that foster the stereotype that we're insane? But I don't think it's that terrible of a stereotype. To be neurotic? Well, I will pass off some things that might not be a habit that I just happened to have done and people are like, that's weird. And I'm like, I'm a neurotic Jew. And you kind of get away. It's like a get out of jail free card. But that's lazy. That's wrong. It's immoral. Well, I'm not saying I'm not. That is, that's immoral. And I think it's stupid and crazy. That's all I'm all three. You're all three. So during the course of this podcast, you've learned to hate me. Well, no, I believe me before the podcast started. I knew that to encourage that stereotype that all Jews are neurotic. I don't think it's a deeply harmful stereotype. I think stereotypes. I'm not picking up pennies. And, you know, like that, those kind, like to me, those are, but I lean into the neurotic thing to sort of get out of explaining why I do some weird things. Are all stereotypes dangerous? I think they probably are. I think it's lazy to... Our whole medium is built on stereotypes. Because without stereotypes, there is no comedy. Because we're... So how can you not lean into stereotypes and, and appreciate them? But ethnic stereotypes are dangerous. I'll give you an example. Hypersensitivity to ethnic stereotypes is far more dangerous than ethnic stereotypes. Okay, I, because we're living in... A material world. Yes. Because we're living in dangerous times, we should all be a little paranoid. And last week, I was at the Writers Guild Awards. We were going to have Bonnie Depp here, but she canceled. I have an anecdote. So I was sitting at the Writers Guild Awards, which is very political. And just reading the names of who is nominated, counting the Jewish names. It read like a who's who of synagogue men's clubs. It's not a Jews who. Yeah. It's not a Jews who. And this is why I think the stereotype of the Jewish comedy writer is dangerous. Because I've lived with the stereotype that Jews are funny and that Hollywood is run by Jews and the comedy writing business is run by Jews. And I have fostered that on triumph. When we were nominated for an Emmy, we went to the Emmys and we had this bit where triumph was getting out of the limousine with his 20 writers. And they were all bald Jews. And we made up Jewish names. Great. And we laughed hysterically. It was really funny. We ended up pulling it from the show. We cast 20 bald Jewish men, put them in tuxedos, and with trick photography, we had 20 bald Jews coming out of the limousine. And it was, I mean, we laughed so hard and we made up all these names. I love it. You know, you know, Andrew Goldstein, and then we had the self-hating Jews. Visitor Schwartz. But right. And then we had the guys who were like Milton Roosevelt, Ziff. Yeah. Yeah, just looks. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. So I'm at the Writers Guild Awards. And the subtext of this is. You were nominated for a Writers Guild Award. Yes. And you won. Yes. This is the anecdote I have. So I have to get this out. I know that there, I know that there needs to be diversity in Hollywood. Yeah. But I also know that one of the cliches is it's run by Jews. And what that does is it makes it harder for people who are Jewish to find work in Hollywood. And when people say that to me, when I say that to people, they go, what are you talking about? It's run by Jews. And I've heard Jews say that. And I say, you want to crunch the numbers? Right. The I'm all for diversity. And I think there's a problem with a serious problem with diversity in Hollywood. But all stereotypes are dangerous. And I went through all the names. There are a lot of, most of the names are not Jewish. Is Weisberg a Jewish name? No. Is Wiener a Jewish name? No. It's an embarrassing one. But it's. Is Mechelburg a Jewish name? Mechelburg. No. Can I tell you something? But seriously, I mean, if you look. It's an interesting point. If you look at original screenplay, Heller Highwater written by Taylor Sheridan. La La Land written by Damien Chazelle. Loving written by Jeff Nichols. Manchester by the Sea written by Kenneth Lonergan. Moonlight Barry Jenkins. These are not a rival. But these aren't comedies. Well, hang on. Deadpool written by Rhett Reese and. He could be Jewish. Shlumi Shlomach. He could be Jewish. See the only movie with any. Nocturnal Animals written by Tom Ford. Hidden Figures. Alice and Schroeder. The only. Fences written by August Wilson. Was August Wilson. I always forget. Was he Jewish? The only movie there with any personality was written by the Jewish people. Well, it's dangerous to spread this. Okay. Comedy. Let's look at comedy. Can I just tell you? Really? Hang on for one second. Matt Goldich. Hang on. My podcast partner. Daily Show with Trevor Noah. Dana Mira. David Angelo. Steve Bodo. Devin Delacuante. That's my buddy. We used to share an office. Who? Devin Delacuante. Is he Jewish? No, he is not. Zach DeLonzo. Trayvon Free. Hallie Haglund. David Kabuka. Matt Koff. Adam Lowe. And I think Adam is Jewish. Well, it's Jewish. Alex Maria. He plays the Jew on The Daily Show. Dan McCoy. Lauren Sarver Means. Trevor Noah. Joe Arpaio. Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Yeah. writes for The Daily Show. He does. They hired him. Daniel Radish. Sounds like a Jewish name. Michelle Wolfe sounds like a Jewish name. Delaney Yeager. I mean, the idea that Jewish comedy writers, it's... We're very oppressed now. Even in our own thing. Well, that's why they're dangerous. All those things are dangerous because it affects your ability to earn a living. I haven't experienced that yet. Well, you will after this show. I'm sure I will. Wait, I need to tell you. At the WGA Awards, I was not there, but Mac Olich was. He's my podcast partner, writer for Seth Meyers. And he came back and told me that when the Triumph Special won the award, Robert Smigel in his accepted speech threw you a very, very generous compliment that happened to be super hilarious and backhanded. Robert Smigel apparently said, you know, he shouted you out. He said, David Feldman, he's the best comedian nobody likes. Yes. And it's true. Goldich, he thought that was such a fantastic joke and we talked about it on our podcast. Sorry, I've been so busy. But I thought it was a very fun joke for somebody you spend a lot of time with. Yeah, he said, you know, Andy Breckman, the creator of Monk, Michael Komen, creator of Nathan For You, and Josh Comers, a brilliant commenter, and David Feldman, the greatest comic nobody likes. And I heard greatest comic. I thought, oh, this is going to be good. Right, and you didn't even hear the other part. It's fantastic. But speaking of our podcast, I really do. This is really why one of the reasons I came and this is not a me coming on to plug our podcast, but we this week. Is it done out of the show Briss Studios? Yes. So it's part of the show. It's part of the family. I think we've worked with you here. We've we've we've plugged your show on this part. And this is an episode I would like you to plug because I think it's special. We had a girl named a very talented woman, I should say, who I used to work with at MTV. Her name is Sierra Lindsay Koss. She was she was on our show. She left entertainment. What is the name of your show? Sorry, I've been so busy. No, I want to know the name of your show. Sorry, I've been so busy podcast. Oh, okay. So the real quick story, eight years ago, we were sharing an office at MTV. And I say, Sierra, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go from here? And she said, I'd like to do what I'm doing, like docu producing TV, producing content, but in politics. And I said, OK, good luck with that. I'm going to go work for wrestling. Next thing I know, I look on Facebook and she is producing and directing for the Obama Obama 2012 campaign. And then she moves on from that to Hillary's 2016 campaign, becomes director of video for Hillary 2016. So for eight years, she was knocking on doors then in a video and directing capacity for Obama and then in leadership video capacity for the Hillary Clinton campaign. And so everything that has happened since she came on the podcast and man, did she tell some amazing stories about flying on Air Force One, being in the motorcade, having a day like a daily personal relationship with President Obama, working with him on a daily basis, being in his company, and then the same with Hillary Clinton. I heard he hits. He hits, right? Yeah. Completely. Very abusive. Wonderful, wonderful perspective. And one of the great, this is a spoiler alert, but one of the really eye-opening things that she says at the end of the podcast, she said the things she feels most regret about the whole thing, everything that has happened, is that America quite possibly missed out on an excellent, possibly all-time greatest president. But getting... Bernie Sanders? Yes. But getting there... She's talking about Hillary. It was just a wonderful hour of discussion of here. Yes, she was talking about Hillary. And she had these stories and the anecdotes and the personal experience with her to back that up. It's not just some pundit on TV saying that as a talking point. And it was just wonderful, wonderful perspective in these times to hear about these people that have been in office and have shaped policy. And she was right there along for the ride for all of it. It was really... Obviously, we interview comedians and writers and producers and really entertainment people, but we had her on. And it was really excellent. And I'm very proud of it, and I'm proud of her. And I would love people to listen to it. It sounds like a plug, but it's... But it's only because you're the king of plugs. Joe, not bring up my hair transplants. I only say it because I was just sitting here. I mean, Alex can attest, we were just like, I wish this could go two more hours because I have a million more questions. And she was... You know, obviously election night was not something we really got into because she's still sort of despondent about it. And but hearing about what she did after the election to sort of get away and detox. Like you were talking about. It's all... It was just... The only word... It was just fascinating. What a fascinating turn she took in her life. And imagine eight years with no days off. In it. She was in it. And I was super... I just admire her so much because I look at it like if I took anything really seriously, like if I could do it all over again and really took things seriously and didn't watch as much TV, I would love to have been a speechwriter. I really feel like I could have been... I could excel at that. And so like watch... Look, I have training program. I would love it. I worked with a writer named Eli Bauman. Do you know Eli? He's a musician writer. And he was off... He was a young kid and he was off at the DNC this past summer. Really? Being trained to write speeches. It's a skill. I mean, you just don't do it overnight. No, of course. But anyway, it's just one of those things. I just wanted to get the word out about it. What is she doing now? She is consulting for a number of people that are involved in policy. She's going to be rich. We don't know. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of... I'll tell you what. She could write a book and it'd be phenomenal. Yeah. You know, I've been crunching numbers I had Mike Murphy on the show. I love Mike. I got to tell you, he is one of those... If I hear he's going to be on one of the shows, I perk up. Yeah, he's brilliant. Republican strategist, but part of the left-right alliance. Yeah. You should let... It's last... He reminds me of a West Friday show. Of a character on the West Wing. He reminds... Yeah. His heart's in the right place. His politics are in the wrong place. He should come to our side. He ran right to rise. It was the Jeb Bush. Super PAC. They had $100 million. By the end of Bush's campaign, they had $14 million left. All that money gets spent. And when you crunch the numbers, if you want to make money, go into politics. Right. That's where the money is. It really is. Well... That's... That is what's wrong with Washington... Of course. Of course. Citizens United. There's a lot of money. Yeah. And people need money. Well, there's also a lot of money in outrage. There's also a lot of money in being offended now. There's also a lot of money in being contrarian. And we're seeing that all over cable news. There's all kinds of money now, not being an important person, being a commenter on important people. Keep the argument going. Yeah. Keep the argument going so that journalists don't have to do real reporting. Yeah. And look, I spend hours watching MSNBC. Why? It is... Here's what happened with me. I don't... I take pride in not watching CNN or MSNBC. I listened to Rachel Maddow as a podcast. I will occasionally listen to Anderson Cooper as a podcast. Coop? The Coop. I'll do it audio. Interesting. To plop down and sit in front of a TV and watch that is a waste of time. Well, I like the Chris Matthews. I like Chris Matthews, but to sit and watch that... If I'm doing something, if I'm doing the dishes... I like the spittle in the sides of his mouth. So we don't get that on the podcast. If I'm going for a walk or going for a drive, a podcast version of these shows is fine. I'll even enjoy Morning Joe as long as I don't have to watch. He's an interesting character. He's an interesting character. But to sit and watch that stuff is just a complete waste of time. I have... You like the Mika Brzezinski? I have a tape of her... I do on my website of her talking about how you should beat your children. Oh, goodness. Because it's a big new Brzezinski, the National Security Advisor under Jimmy Carter. He and his wife used to beat the kids. And I have a tape of her talking about this on Morning Joe. She's the victim of child abuse. And she, on that show, is a willing victim of abuse. If you see the way Joe treats her, he really manipulates her. He has an audience with Donald Trump. He's a very interesting character. It's a perverse show. There's a perversity to it. The dynamic between Joe and Mika is really salacious. He's much smarter than she is. She is an abuse victim. And if you go to my website, I have the tape of her talking about how she was beaten as a kid. And sometimes it's important to give your kid a good smack. And they're all laughing. And then when you watch how she falls in and out of favor around that panel, how she's lifted up and then taken down by Joe, who is a Republican. Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, he was a politician. He's pretty smart and emotionally manipulative. And supposedly, they're an item. So watching it, I have to confess that there is something interesting. Is she a conservative? No, I think she's an abuse victim. I know she's an abuse. But her parents abused her. They're not like, if they're an item, they're not like James Carville and Marley Matlin, right? From what I've read and from what I've heard, they're in a relationship now. Interesting. I don't know if it's, you know, who's on deck. In the minor leagues that we can be excited about. In terms of democratic politicians. And it doesn't have to be a politician. It could be somebody who, like the Mark Cuban rumors. Like who, well, who's the guy, like if you had to put all your chips on somebody. Right now, I don't even know if we have any chips left. Yeah. I read this interview. Well, today's the DNC chairman vote. I read this interview with this professor, Snyder from Yale, talking about our republic. He says might have nine months left. Full, not the, just the party, but the whole. Where we just acknowledge pretty much what's already happened. This is what he says. That this country is not a republic. It's not a democracy. Obama put a nice face to a bureaucracy that was run by the military industrial complex and corporations. I would be happy that he was putting a happy face to some really dark. I would love for you to have Jesse Ventura on your podcast. I don't know. Navy seal. Navy seal. Patriot. Governor of Minnesota. He does work for RT, I will say that. Russian television. Yeah. Well, should we take a break? Have we done a half hour yet? This, this one, we have, is Buckles here? This is the podcast, the David Feldman show. And my podcast, sorry I've been so busy. And check out the Sierra Lindsay Kos episode. I can't promote it. I can't explain enough how wonderful it was. Can you stick around? All right. Let me check my check the text messages from the wife and we'll see. Before you were married, we were out every night. We were with these train grizzled professional prostitutes just loosely having sex with them. It was amazing. Multiple fallacies could fit in any, we'll be back hopefully with Buckles and Andrew Goldstein after this. Are we rolling? Alex, how are you rolling? Are we rolling? Are we rolling? Is this live? Are we rolling? We're not rolling yet. That's our question. So. I've noticed that I've been here like four times now and two times I've been sick. So it's a sign. Who are you? Jesus Christ. Hello Jesus. Hi. Andrew Goldstein, you have any apologies for Jesus? No. None. No apologies. Kristen Buckles is here. We love Kristen Buckles. She's so funny. She's a comedian and a writer and a producer. True. And what is Jax? Jax is a production company that produces everything that's awesome right now. She's not even kidding. I'm not even exaggerating. Like what? Inside Amy Schumer, Broad City, Younger, Search Party. Yeah, to name a few. Wow. Good for you. So you're working for them? Yeah. I start March 13th. Can I pitch an idea for a show? Please don't. It's two bald Jews living together, trying to make it in New York, sharing one toupee. Sharing one toupee. Yeah, they can only afford one toupee and they, it's like the odd couple, but I was going to say is this one of them gets to be bald and one of them gets to have a full head of hair. It's called two-pay-and-a-half men. There you go. There you go. Is Charlie Sheen in it? Is he making overpriced? I'm serious. Why don't they make a great sitcom? Two guys, they're both bald. They're trying to make it in show business. Two-pay broke girls. And they can only afford one toupee. Yeah, that's funny. I have a date tonight. No, I've got it. You don't have a date tonight. I have an audition. I need the two-pay for my audition for the death of a salesman. They're bringing it. So it's all the complications. And hilarity ensues. Well, yeah. Okay, here's the deal. Okay. You take it a sardis. Thank you so much, Mr. Feldman, for your idea. You can have the two-pay. You were the two-pay at dinner. Let me walk you out. I'll walk you out. You're going to have, then while you're having sex with her, you turn the lights out. I come and get the two-pay and I go and do the audition for... It's good to know that Feldman's ideas will die with him. A lot of marketing possibilities with that show. Sure. Little kids running around with two-pay, NBC logo two-pays on. Or is the logo like underneath the two-pay, like on the inside? You hang the tag like a... Oh, like a visor or something. Kristen Buckles, you're a producer now. You've been a producer with Colin Quinn. Did you see Colin's special? Yeah, wonderful. Yeah, why even do stand-up after watching that? That's how I feel. That was a hostile gesture to me. He did that. The nerve of him. Purely to make you feel less about yourself. Kristen Buckles, you're a producer now over Jax. Jax? Jack? Jax. Jack. Jax. And Andrew Goldstein, you're a producer now. Yes. So I'm the only creative one here. Wow. I'm the only gentle flower. And we're out. Kristen Buckles, what are you... great at and why? In your deepest, most private moment when you look at your career, what do you take pride in? What do I take pride in? What do you know that you do really well? I'm very good at talking to people. And why are you good at it? I'm good at talking to people. I'm good at convincing people to do insane shit they wouldn't normally do. Why? I don't know because I make people feel comfortable, except this situation right now. Where did you learn that? I would say dealing with rich people growing up. People pleaser. I'm a people pleaser. You had to deal with rich people. I grew up riding horses. I was not wealthy. I dealt with a lot of extremely wealthy people. And I learned how to manipulate them and doing what I wanted them to do as a kid. For example? I don't know convincing them to give me horses and stuff to ride. Let the poor kid ride the horse. Yeah, that's right. How'd you do that? Did you play the sympathy card? No. Look at me. I'm adorable. Yes, you are. Yeah. No, I'm joking. Did you zero in? I was joking too. Did you zero in? Also kidding. Fake news. Fake news. Alt fact. Did you zero in on wealthy people? Do you have like, are you like the Terminator where you can go, you can the wealth pops up on your eyelid? No, I don't think I'm like a bullshit artist. I think I'm good at talking to people and actually finding out who they are and genuinely finding an interest and they therefore want to help me. Will you waste time with somebody like me who has no money? Well, I'm here, aren't I? Andrew Goldstein, what are you most proud of that when you say, this is what I can do. This is a skill I have that can't be taken away from me. And why are you good at that? Well, I have two separate questions. Most proud of, I always say that I survived, let's say, what is it, 16, 17 years in New York, no assistance, made it on my own. That is impressive. Neve always had an apartment in Manhattan, figured that out, roommates, whatever. So that would be prideful. That's probably my most prideful thing. And then what was the other question? The thing I'm really good at? Well, that's what you're really good at. So you're a survivor. Yeah, I work. I'm a worker, I always, yeah, I work. What's the longest period of time you've been out of work? Well, after the NBC Page program, I was unemployed for a really long time until I figured it out. But then once that happened, it's never more than a few weeks unless I want it to be. And how do you find work? Uh, being adorable. How do you? We just high-five. I'm very curious. No, I just have, you know, I'm very lucky. I've developed. You're not lucky. How do you find? I've developed a network of people who that I have good standing with. And there are all super talented people who are doing really, really fun stuff. And I've been in really great situations where I've continually been hired by the same group of people. And is there something nagging in the back of your head when you're working that you should be doing something else? Yeah, there's a movie inside me and there's scripted things inside me. And I have definitely fallen in this whole of alternative television and being really good at making that. But I see people that are writing sitcoms and writing movies and selling movies. And I'm like, if I could just have like three months off, right. But I'm not really interested in what you're saying. I'm just trying to ignore Kristen Buckles. Yeah, that's it. That's the thing. I feel like those are his specialty. I didn't even hear what he was saying. That's not interesting. I'm trying to keep him here as long as possible because he's got a dog. I do have to leave. Waiting for him in the apartment. I do need to leave. And I want to see how long I can keep him on the show. I'm just waiting until you stop talking so I can get iced coffee. So he can go home and the dog will have crapped in the apartment. That's my goal. I will have been successful if you come home. And to a hot steaming duty. I'll say this, he has duties in the same spot all of the time. If he goes in the apartment and luckily it's not on the rug. It's always on the floor, which works out. That's good. I don't know how dogs do that, but they like the same spot. Me too. Sure. Yeah. A prostitute's mouth. Wow. I was going to say bed. Chest. I was going to say bed. A prostitute's chest. I was going to say bed. Your colostomy bed. I was going to say bed. I was going to be polite and say I always take a dump in the same spot, my bed. You went right for a prostitute's mouth. That's pretty amazing, Kristen. I laughed. Yes. So there's a little tension between us. There is. Yeah. I understand that I failed you. Tremendously. I was supposed to do something and I let you down because I'm self-serving and I don't care about the community. Sure. Yeah, that's up. To be fair, I think that the joke is ultimately on you because I will say, I think I should probably preface by saying that I was applying, I'll tell you, Andrew, I was applying to do the late night writer's workshop. So Lacey and I wrote, we pulled Lacey Jekka, who's been on the show before, we put a packet together and we're like, and you know, Colin helps us with everything. Colin Quinn. Colin Quinn. We love Colin so much. And so we're like, that'd be fun. Well, a Feldman write us a recommendation letter. So we texted Alex and he's like, yeah, absolutely no problem. Gotta go through Alex. So anyway, so I think it was like, I text, I'm like, I want to say like a Thursday or something. And I'll say, Alex, we need this recommendation letter by no later than midnight on Sunday. No problem. By like Saturday at 4 p.m. I'm like, you know what? I've got a really strong feeling that Feldman's going to flake on this. So I called Colin and I was like, Colin, can you write us? I love you so much, Colin. I know that we ask you for so much. Can you? And he was like, of course, I love you girls. I would do anything. Of course, I'll write this for you. Colin writes this glowing recommendation letter and then I get a text from Feldman at like Sunday, like the next day that it was past due being like, so sorry, I ran out of time and I was like, you know what? I'm going to make him write this. I'm going to drag this out. You still have to write it. Absolutely. And I was like, yeah, no worries. No problem. But you already had Colin. I already had it. And how many recommendations did you need? One. So I led you on to make you feel guilty for weeks. I knew you were going to flake. Had I written the letter, would it have been included? No, I had to turn it in on Saturday. I would have kept it in my pile of things I made Feldman. But she only turned to Colin because it got to the zero hour and she needed. So you would have been included. And to say, ultimately, Colin is much more familiar with my writing than Feldman is, to be fair. Before I get to the meat of it, let me first say, I feel immensely guilty. I do. I felt really bad. I would have given anything to write a letter of recommendation. Had I felt you were worthy. No, I felt really bad. And I know there's an excuse. I can't remember which lie to tell you, but there's something. There was something. Well, her rate she was offering you wasn't high enough. This is for the late night. What is this? Oh, it's the late night writers. They do late night writers workshop. What is that? It's like they NBC does it. It's in March. They do it every year. You like they have a bunch of these. You're supposed to be like diverse. So you have to be like, you know, the LGBTQ community or you have to be a woman or that's why I didn't write it. Yeah, there you go. That adds up. So they give these opportunities. Actually, I think you can just submit if you're a white male as well, but I don't think you have a shot in hell. No, but and then they select like a couple of people and you do the workshop and you kind of get in front of these like NBC people and get your writing scene and stuff like that. Well, you know, Andrew would qualify. He comes from a very, you know, that he grew up with a single mom as did I. I grew up with a single mom. Did you know that? Yeah, we only had one mom. Wow. That's crazy. Our parents weren't lesbians. Yeah. And I think that should qualify me for something. Sure. Yeah, we're oppressed. That's our new joke. I think we have a good new joke. We came up with that. You did. Before you were here. Okay. Pre-buckles. Pre-buckles. The two are oppressed. Well, I have a single. I'm from a single. Anybody with a single mother. Just like the end of an era, like the white man is on its way out. Oh, no. I don't know if you saw the election returns, baby. Yeah, we're back. We're back. In a big way. I have to admit. Bigly. We're back bigly. I have to admit, on a raw level, there is... Well, I'm not going to say it. Say it. So it's... And how long would the program have lasted? I think it's just a week or two weeks or something. I honestly don't know. And what do you learn? I don't know. That's why I would love to find out. How to take your job. Is how to write late night. Yeah. I mean, I do a lot of my own, just like working on monologue and desk jokes and bits and all that stuff. But I mean, yeah. But I, you know, when it's obviously ultimately to get hired. So you would hang out at the Tonight Show? I guess. I don't know. I mean, I think it's ultimately like, I just would like to... I mean, like getting into that, like, you know, whatever writing for like Jimmy Fallon or Seth Meyers or SNL or any of those like late night shows. It's like the ultimate goal for a lot of people. But I don't know. And did you get in? I don't know. I haven't found out yet. I feel really bad. I feel bad. No, you don't. I do. I really do. I feel horrible. You should. I don't know if my writing a letter means anything. Yeah. That's fair. That's, that's probably why I didn't write it. No. Oh my God. I don't know that they, I mean, I don't know. Like they, I don't even, the recommendation letter is like optional. I honestly don't, I mean, I don't know how that stuff works because I feel like it takes, I feel, you know, like, I feel like Lacey and I put a really solid packet together, but who knows? You never know. All right. Here's the truth. What? This is why I didn't write the letter. Jesus Christ. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. And Goldstein, I want you to back, back me up on this. Please don't. I was kind enough to put you on this show. Hang on, come back, come back. Hang on. It is, it is so typical of the people in my life and the people in this business. I give you the greatest gift possible. An appearance on the David Feldman program program. Is that what it's called? That's what I call it. Where you, you can reach tens of people. Tens of people. Tens of people. I will say when the first time I got offered to come on the show, I was worried. I was like, is this a joke? Am I being brought on as a joke? I, and I gave you an opportunity to, to spread your wings and fly. And it wasn't good enough. Then I, then I get, can you recommend me for later? I'm thinking what I, it's, it's never enough for your generation. You're just like Sean Spicer. It's never enough. It's never enough. It's never enough. It's never enough. It's never enough for you. That was my immediate, that was my immediate. That was your immediate thought. My immediate thought is, what are you going to do for me? You know, my immediate thought was. Yeah. How that you can be a prestigious writer of some shows and your shirt is literally falling apart. I find that puzzling. This is a nice shirt. That is not a nice shirt. It's not. Look at the top. There's a thread situation. It's threadbare. Look. Jesus. Alex hasn't ironed his shirt yet today. And so. Alex, Alex has bigger fish to fry. I've had, I think I had one of the most infuriating phone calls of my life with Alex. What? The fourth. What? So obnoxious. So I feel like, you know, just like coming up in this industry, you do, you know, you're, which this is just kind of like a strange industry to be in in the first place. Excuse me for one second. Sorry. What is the name of your dog? Dusty. Dusty. I want to keep him here. He's squatting right now. Go ahead. Poor Dusty. On my hardwood floors. Dusty. I hope he has the runs. That's the meanest thing in the world. You're doing a filament impersonation. Save your, save your piece. Okay. So you had an infuriating. Yes. Okay. So, I mean, so basically I think that anybody, you sort of like get advice from in this industry. No one really just, we've had this conversation before. No one really knows what's going on. Right. There are no rules. Right. No one understands. It's thunderdome. It's, it's thunderdome. It's chaos. We're all faking it. It's thunderdome as opposed to the thunderdome. Resumes are pointless. As opposed to the thunderdome that Dusty's taking right now. Absolutely. Right now. My little boy. Poor Dusty. No one gives a flying rat's fuck where you went to college. They just want to know that you're going to show up. They can't give a shit. And that you're going to keep your mouth shut. And you're going to be alright in the writer's room. Yes. You're going to keep your mouth shut in the writer's room. And you're going to do your job and just shut up. And how you get that job is because Bob in line producing knows Jim over in finance. Who knows some dude's cousin. And he's going to bring him in who used to work at the Y. But now they're going to bring him in over this other kid who worked their ass off because they just need somebody right now. And that's the cold art on his truth of this industry. And so I'm talking to Alex on the phone. And he goes, you know what? It's just about people. It's just about working hard and getting your work out there. And I wanted to say, fuck you. Because it's not the truth. I know plenty of people out there who work their asses off. Who do shows every single week who write more than anybody I've ever met in my entire life. And they're not recognized for it. So I do not believe that the harder you work, the more you get. I think being in the right place at the right time and being prepared for that opportunity. And really committing to what you do is. But I don't believe that the harder you work, the more you get. Well, I think in order to be prepared, you have to work very hard if they're a white male. Yeah. Work on that. Booking me white. Okay. Yeah. Try that. So I kind of disagree with you. Go ahead. I think working very hard. I think it's necessary. I don't think it's why you get a job. I do. I don't. Because I don't think that there is, because I've seen too many scenarios where I've had the same people in a group and they all got hired. All of them work equally as hard. But they got selected because they were in that opportunity and that position at that point in time. But that just gets them in the door. Sure. That's it. I just want to use the term confirmation bias. Confirm. Okay. Go ahead. I don't know what it means. Well used. Thank you. I think you're looking at one situation and coming up with an explanation that confirms what you think. Okay. But. I don't have any samples. All that matters in I think in work is a work ethic. I think in the end all that anybody truly respects is how hard you work. I've even noticed it with this podcast. Alex and I have been crunching numbers. He hates me. What? Why? I can't. We see. Did I say really? Oh my God. Okay. All right. It's the Jewish accountant in you. All right. Alex and I have been cooking the books. We've been going over the, and the harder we work on the show the more popular. Work begets work. Work begets work and people respect a work ethic, especially in comedy, especially in stand-up. Sure. I mean you watch Colin special. No one works harder than Colin. So you're wrong. But I'm saying, but then you're using your same thing against me. That's a confirmation bias. I'm just saying that you're saying what you're saying is that what people say to like people like me, millennials or whatever is that. You're not a millennial. I am a millennial. You're not. You're different. She's a millennial. Thank you. But that he's saying with the context that they're lazy and stupid. I know. But I'm saying, but so then why does the same? I think there's nothing more frustrating when I'm trying to get advice from somebody when they're like, you're just, you just have to work harder. Yeah, that's shit advice. It's shit advice. It is shit advice to a woman. I'm serious. What are you talking about? I do think from what I've been reading, I didn't, I wasn't aware of this, but apparently in corporate America, women traditionally have not been given a fair shake. I've never heard this. This is what I've read. This is news. This is news to me. The headlines, it fell though. And that, that they're paid 70 cents on the dollar, which I think is wrong. They should be paid 72 cents on the dollar. If that were true, it'd be really big news. Yeah. But so clearly. No, in all seriousness, I do know that women are told when they lean in and speak up, be patient, you'll get there, just keep working hard. And that is a, that is oppression. For women, that's a form of oppression. I agree with you. It's frustrating. Well, it's more than frustrating. It's oppression. It's illegal. And the number, I mean, Michelle Obama's speech when she went after Donald Trump, rewatch it, because that's exactly what she was saying, that women in their professional careers are constantly told, work harder, hang in there, your turn will come and it doesn't. So as a white male, who gives a shit? No. One's lunch, am I right? No, I mean, I agree with you. I agree and I apologize because at the beginning of this conversation, I really wasn't listening to you. Because sure, yeah, I know that makes sense. When you said that, because yeah, but the answer, I guess, because I do like to tell women how to think. Man's mansplain, some mansplain. I don't know what the answer. I think the answer is one of my daughters is. Alex just sighed so loudly. He just sighed. Well, he was the victim verbally. He saw. I gotta go. No, no, no, that that that shit has sailed. You're going home. You'll be all right, buckles. No, no, no, I'm doing great. I'm not trying to like bitch here. I'm just saying like. If you really love me, Andrew Goldstein, I do. You'll stay here and go home to a stinky house. If you if you respect me as a comedy writer. But you Dusty is sitting by the door right now. He's got the shit sweats. All he's thinking is daddy will be home soon and I'm not going to disappoint him. So this is more about this is about mental warfare. Did we come up with a great joke today? We did single mothers. Right. Can Dusty come up with a joke like that? I'm sure I know, but he's ridiculously adorable. Have I ever as anything ever come out of me that you had to pick up with a tissue paper? No, give it five to six more years. So you're going to go home. This is what's going to happen because I'm going to literally go home and expect a duty. You've evacuated for an evacuation is what you're doing. You're leaving. You're you're going home to shit literally. Well, and when you're stooped over picking up that dog shit, I will think of David Feldman. You're going to say, you know, I could have stayed here. No, when I when I am I die with that steaming pile of horseshit, I will think David Feldman. How old is Dusty? Two years old. Oh, so on behalf of him and I, I say I bid you adieu. Thank you for letting us do. I do. I do do. I bid you adieu. Thank you for having me buckles. You'll be fine. Thank you so much. I'm going to sit. I'm going to take his seat. OK. Well, we have a guest. Oh, we have somebody else is coming in. Oh, are we are we pausing and waiting until 345 going? Oh, I'm so glad he's gone. Christ. I'm so glad he's gone. I really need ice coffee, Alex. You need ice coffee? Ice coffee. Do we have ice coffee for our guest? Yes. He hates me. He hates me. I plugged his his podcast. Whose podcast? Andrew has a podcast here. Sorry, I've been so busy. It's part of the show. Briss family. It's with with Matthew Goldich. And he's a great comedy writer. Oh, really? Who you should have gotten to recommend you for the late night program because. Sure, he. But why but Colin? Colin Quinn is the best. When do you find out? I think I find out pretty soon. I think it's they said in February, late February, and it is currently late February. All right. So we're going to go over a couple of things I want to ask you. Sure. You are a successful millennial. You have a work ethic. Yes. You're out there. You're starting a brand new job. You keep relationships going. Yes. You put up with. And surmountables amount of minutiae and bullshit. Why doesn't it get under your skin? What? Just the garbage. Why don't you take your ball and go home? I think so. I think stuff does get to me. But I also feel like I've I'm getting to a place where I'm realizing that me getting frustrated about other people's bullshit is just poisoning me. It's not help. It's not. No one feels bad about giving me bullshit. So you don't take it personally. No, you can't. You just can't. I need advice from you. Yes. Because I tend to take things. Do you have any milk? Yeah, I'll give him no. God, sugar. What is this? He gave you ice. And coffee. Ice. Speaking of ice, if you work for ice, shame on you. Right. You know that they're like checking for ID on the sixth train? No, they're not. Yeah, they are. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah, that's terrifying. It's pretty bad. Yeah. So I take things. I try not to take things personally. Hard not to. But sometimes I do. Sure. Especially when very successful people. Uh-huh. You're the best. You're the best. Thank you so much. Ah, there you go. Is that good? It's great. Who taught you not to take it personally? I don't know. I had, well, let's see. I had like a career slash coach when I first moved to New York named Dallas Travers. I'm going to plug her because she's the best. And she helped me with a lot of that stuff. And then there's a book out right now. Wait, can I look at the title? Because I don't want to mess it up. Well, sure. We're talking with Kristen Buckles. Sorry. And this is the self-help part of the show. This is self-help that I will definitely plug. I find it interesting while you're looking. I find it interesting that Goldstein is always working. And you're always working. I'm not always working. I will be, but let's see. The book is called You're a Bad Ass, How to Stop Downing Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero. It's the number one New York Times bestseller. Go ahead and get it today. And you know where you should buy it? Where? Go to the David Feldman Show website. Do you have it? Hang on. Oh, through Amazon. I know what you're doing. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. So I get a little piece. I can dip my beak. You know, Amazon's a Trump supporter. He, Bezos, first of all, owns The Washington Post. He does? Yes. Okay. He bought The Washington Post for $250 million, and he's reinventing newspapers. The Washington Post is a great newspaper. Washington Post and New York Times are the only two papers I have on my phone. Well, he saved The Washington Post, and he's creating a business model for future journalists. Youslaven taught me how to read The New York Times, which I'm frustrated about. Well, I will in a second. So, but Jeff Bezos did destroy Main Street. Yes. And he met with Trump, but is he on the Council of Economic Advisers? I don't think so. No. So, how did he support Trump? I thought that I was just on the list of things we're supposed to hate. Well, I happen to have, I was going to have her on the show. There's a good cultur. There's a bad cultur and a good cultur, and cultur is the bad cultur. But there's a cultur out of San Francisco, and they profiled her in The New York Times. She runs Grab Your Wallet. And she... Oh, yeah. What is Grab Your Wallet? I'm looking for the list here. I mean, Grab Your Wallet... I mean, I'm going to get this wrong, so I don't want to, I don't want to mess this up. But I will say that Grab Your Wallet, if I'm remembering correctly, is a blog or article or something that I've definitely seen on Facebook of things, of the outlines, different companies that support different things, and where, how, which companies you can go to instead that support the correct things. Right. And it's grabyourwallet.com, as opposed to Steve Bannon's website, grabyourwallet.org, which is what Steve Bannon does. That's Steve Bannon's website? Yeah. He grabs his wallet whenever he sees a black man enter a room. Is that good, Alex? Did I make it funny? That was good, right? That was great. You're doing great, Feldman. Okay, I'm doing good. You're doing great. Mommy, I made a duty. Mommy, I made that was... When I drive Alex crazy. Yeah. When I have a night... When you just drive him nuts? When I'm, when I do something well, I'll go, Mommy, I made a duty. Jesus Christ. Mommy. It's all about toilet training. Yeah, it really is. Yeah. It's how your toilet trained. Is it? Yes. That's interesting. If you are, according to Freud. Yeah, what is it? If you're shamed by your duty. Oh my gosh, you should never be shamed by your duty. Then you're greedy. Really? Yeah, and you, and you have, because your duty is the first thing you've offered to the world. So when you, it's, you're making an offering to the world. And if your parents go, ew, that's disgusting, then you're not going to be creative. And you're going to be tight with money, according to Freud. The fact that my stepson pooped and I cheered for him is a good thing. Do you know why I never have writer's block? Why? Because every time I pooped, my parents would eat it. Oh Jesus, he ruins everything. That's how much they encourage my... How much longer until someone else gets here? Do you want me to write that letter for you? Yeah. When do I get to go? This is, and I did that with all my kids. What? You ate their feces? I would eat their poop because I wanted, it was their offering to the universe. And I felt that... That kind of backfired for you, didn't it? And I said, you're so creative and I would eat their poop. Because I'm a strict Freudian. Okay, let's get back to whatever else we're talking about. Back to saving the country. These are some companies that you should boycott. We'll tear it. Well here, we'll go back and forth. This is from Grab Your Wallets. You should boycott World Wrestling Entertainment. Linda McMahon is now the head of Small Business Administration under Trump. She donated, is this six million dollars? She donated six million dollars to Donald Trump and his allies. So you should stop watching World Wrestling Entertainment according to Grab Your Wallets. You're kidding. It's fascinating that people watch it anyways. Am I just going off of right here? How do you say this last name, Steve? Oh, Mnuchin. Mnuchin, okay. Steve Mnuchin at Goldman Sachs. Looks like he donated $5,400 to Trump and allies. And now the Department of Treasury Secretary, Goldman Sachs. So I'm boycotting Goldman Sachs. Alex, when is our IPO? This podcast was going to go public, right? And they were going to underwrite the public offering. Well, this is going to be a stock that was going to be traded. But because of Steve Mnuchin, we're not going to do business with Goldman Sachs. And what's his new title? He's the Cabinet Secretary, head of Treasury? Department of Treasury Secretary. I am boycotting money. Me, too. Because this pig is in the Trump Administration. Also because it's stocked. I'm going to use my credit card. I'm not going to use cash. Okay. From now on, I use only my credit card. Okay. Uh, David Friedman. I don't know who he is or what he's done, but I'm boycotting Judaism. Oh, I like that. Okay. Your turn. Wilbur Ross, W. L. Ross and Co. donated $5,400 to Trump and allies plus on 956K to conservatives from 1990 to 2016. And he's now the Department of Commerce Secretary. He's the Secretary of Commerce. I don't even know what W. L. Ross or W. L. Ross and Co. is. So boycott commerce. Boycotting commerce. Peter Thiel, head of Planetier Technologies. He spoke at the Republican Convention. Okay. He put Gawker out of business. He did. He sued Denton, the publisher of Gawker because he bankrolled. He had all this money that he made from PayPal. So he bankrolled the lawsuit. What's his name? The wrestler. Who what's his name? It's Hotten here. It is Hotten here. Huh? Hulk Hogan's lawsuit. Oh, he did? Against Gawker was bankrolled by Peter Thiel because Peter Thiel wanted to put Gawker out of business and he was mad at Gawker for outing him. Peter Thiel is gay. So he wanted to get even with Denton for outing him. So he bankrolled the lawsuit that put Mr. Denton out of business. So I am boycotting gay sex. I am no longer having gay sex because of Peter Thiel. Your turn. Rex Spillerson. You know where I got that joke? No, it's horrible. You did it. What? I don't get it. You get it. His name is Rex Tillerson. Spillerson because of Exxon Mobil. You know that he's, you know, he is a closeted Muslim? He's a closeted Muslim? There's one human being listening who's going to get this joke. Okay. I just made it up. Go ahead. His real name is Rex T for the Tillerson. Okay. You don't get that, do you? I don't get it. Kat Stevens, who converted to Islam. Oh, really? And he had an album called T for the Tiller. I didn't know that. So the joke is Rex T for the Tillerson. Okay. I hate myself. Anyways. I'm going to self-harm today. Yes. Rex Tillerson, Exxon Mobil, donated too much money and is a large piece of poop. And he is the Department State Secretary now. Cherna Moskowitz. I'm boycotting Jewish women. You're boycotting Jewish women, right? I don't know who Cherna Moskowitz is. If you're, let me just say something. Let me, let me just say something. This is David Feldman speaking. If your name is Cherna Moskowitz. Mm-hmm. You have to be on your best behavior. Yes. Otherwise, change your name to Cherna Mosk. Yes. And let the Muslims get the blame. Yeah, there you go. But if your last name is Moskowitz, you have to be on your best behavior. Sure. All right. All right. I think we've done enough damage, right? Yeah, I feel good about that. Oh, Linda Bean. And also Betsy DeVos, because she's terrifying. Although she was trying to keep the transgender bathroom. Oh, she was? Yeah, she got overruled by Jeff Sessions. So in her defense, she stood up for transgender people. Okay. L.L. Bean, this is interesting. Linda Bean, by the way, do you know who Orson Bean is? No. He is Andrew Breitbart's father-in-law. Really? Yeah. Andrew Breitbart died in 2012, but Andrew Breitbart married Orson Bean's daughter. I didn't know that. And you don't know who Orson Bean is? No. Unfortunately, most of my listeners do. So sorry you guys let you down. As I mentioned earlier, we're heard in every nursing home. Every nursing home in the Tristate area. What, the way this podcast works is most sons don't want to visit their aging parents. So they just play the podcast in nursing homes. Yeah. And most old Jews think their son is visiting them. That's good. Yeah. Doing something right. So Linda Bean, one of the owners of L.L. Bean, gave $60,000 to Donald Trump. And she also gave an illegal donation to Making America Great Again, which violated laws given to us by the Federal Elections Commission. So do you shop at L.L. Bean? No. I'm not a square. As I said earlier in the show, that it's not good enough to boycott a company. Yeah. You have to let them know you're boycotting it. You have to voice it. Yeah. Tweet, Facebook, Snapchat. Like I've called Bloomingdale's and said I'm not going to wear Ivanka's shoes. Right. And they're like, should we stop all those orders for your heels, Feldman? This is David Feldman. At nine o'clock every evening, I become Star. And Star, S-T-A-R-R. Star. Sure. I go to sex and I get a makeover. Every day. Every day I change into a gown. And I get on the A train. Sure. And I ride the A train all night as Star. All night? As with a wig, I wear it when that train's not going to express. That's a long ride. And I have a Chanel number five knockoff that I reek of. And I used to wear Ivanka's red shoes. But not anymore. Because. Well, actually, I never did. Star did. Star did. Okay. Star. Have you ever met Star? No, I've never met Star. She's actually very kind. Yeah. Unless you say something hurtful. Yeah. Then Star can lash out. Sure. Especially on the A train. This bit is really old. When she's ignored. Okay. Star does not like to be ignored on the A train. All right. That's why she wears. When Julia getting here? That's why Star wears so much. Of the Chanel number five knockoff. What is your discipline? What time do you are? Are you a morning person? I wish I was. I'm kind of not. What time do you normally get up? And do you stick to a schedule? Do you have that kind of discipline? When I'm working like consistently at a job, where I have to be there at a certain time. Yes. But if I'm left to my own devices, I get up around nine. You get up at night. Suppose you suppose you've had a late night. I would say late night, or like I'm letting myself sleep, and I can sleep until like 11 30. What's the latest you go to bed? The latest? Yeah. Probably three, two or three. Do you ever find it six in the morning? No. And the A train is stuck and. I think I would be just in tears in a puddle at that point. That's how Star usually answers. Are there ever days where you can't sleep? Yes. And what do you do? Usually I get up and I read or I meditate. Meditation is very important. Yes. I'm trying to be much better about it. I've been told that's the secret to survival in the age of Trump. Yes, I think it is. To meditate. To meditate. To tap into something bigger than all of us. Yes. I think so. I've been doing. I think of Chris Christie. Chris Christie. That's instead of meditating. That's what you do. That's your that's your mantra. Well, he's bigger than all of us. He is bigger than all of us. God, Alex, I'm trying to be funny here. If you keep put, hang on, put the news down. There's no need to kill yourself. Alex is going crazy. How long do you meditate for? My goal is to meditate twice a day for 20 minutes. And do you have a mantra? Yes. What is it? I can't tell you. Why? It's Vedic meditation. I was given my mantra through a seven week course that I took five years ago and I was told that I could not tell anybody my mantra. So I'm not. Nope. You know what my mantra is? What? It's very spiritual. What is it? I never should have let my ex-wife keep the car. It really. I feel like that might not be serving you. That's spiritual, right? Sure. I repeat it over and over and over again. And I just focus on her driving my car and having fun. That makes more sense for where you are personally in life. But that's your mantra. Is that spiritual? Yeah, absolutely. And 20 minutes, does your mind go blank? No, I think it's my, I just spend the entire time trying to like saying, doing my mantra and just, it's, it's very, I think that the reason meditate, and I really don't know. I'm not like a professional or anything. But the interesting thing about meditating is just you become aware of like sort of the chatter in your brain and like what's the thing you're focusing on and then actively letting it go and letting your mind go blank. And you can meditate professionally. You said you're not a professional. No, I don't think anybody's a professional. You just said you're not a professional. No, I think some people are. Can I hire you to meditate for me? No. You're doing it yourself. Wouldn't that be great? Why don't you do a service? Were you, people like me are way too busy. Uh-huh. Can't we hire somebody to meditate for us? Something tells me you don't understand meditation. I do. No. Yes. You have to do it yourself. Well, I, I don't have time. I'm a power broker. That's such a bad excuse. I don't have time. Well, maybe if you had meditated for me, I could have written the letter to the late night program. Another excuse. I had to meditate. Your excuses are exhausting. You don't think there's a way to, to start a business? I, I would imagine that you were just in some sort of like YouTube hole and that's your, that's why you don't have time. I'm pretty good with my time. Okay. What's your, what's your discipline? My discipline, in all honesty. Yeah, no, I'm serious. What's your routine? Walk me through your morning routine. Well, Star comes home at six. Then she showers. Sure. She dips her hair into the sink. Woolite to get all, I use woolite to get. When's Julia getting here? Do you have a to-do list? My secret is a not to-do list. Is a not to-do list? I just learned that from Tim Ferriss. And not to-do list. Oh, no, I have a to-do list. I have an urgent list and a not so urgent list. What is the not so urgent list? Like stuff that I would like to do, but it's not urgent. And then another stuff that just like needs to be done. And do you make it every day? Yes. What time? I would say wake up. I do coffee, social media, a little bit of emails. And then I round like, I would say 1030. I go through and I make my lists. And how long does it take you to make a list? I don't know, 15 minutes. So I think the secret to life is lists. Lists. I feel like people are very disorganized in general. Lists help. And you want to get it off your brain and onto a piece of paper so you can see your turmoil. You got to be able to look at your turmoil. Physically look at it. Because our brains are not designed to hold nuisance tasks inside. We're designed to stave off the attack of a gazelle. Yes. Not to pick up our dry cleaning. No. So when that's swimming in our head, dry cleaning, coffee filters, make sure you fed the child tied to the radiator in the basement. All those little, that's just nuisance. Do you find that you can be busy but not productive? Yes, absolutely. Isn't that the secret to a not to do list? I think so. Where you say I could answer all these emails that'll keep me busy, but I have nothing to really show for my day. Right. Yeah, I feel like when I'm feeling like desperate or just not great about myself, I do lots of emails. When you're in love, have you ever been in love? I am in love. Well, I'm sorry, but you're my daughter's age and this has to be, are you in love? Mm-hmm. Good for you. Thank you. And when you're in love, everything feels good. Yeah. You're where you need to be. The universe makes sense. In love, maybe not in everything else. When you have a to-do list. Yeah. There's really one thing you need to do. What? Well, everybody has a different thing that they need to do, but in the, don't clear your throat on my show. I'll do whatever I want. When you filter your life through being in love, everything's great. Right? Yeah. When you're in love, anything that happens, good or bad, you can't wait to tell the priest that you're in love with or the, I had to go there. Yeah, you did. I had to, I panicked. You bailed. I panicked. That's why you'll never be Colin Quinn. No, I never will be. You bailed. And I know that that special, that was an affront to me. He did that special, the most recent special, just to show me what a bad comic I am. Yeah. When you're in love, everything is about, oh, I can't wait, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. When you have tasks, it's the same thing as being in love. There's one person you love and there's one task that you know you need to be doing. What's the task? Well, it's up to you to decide. Where are you going with this? What I'm saying is that my troubles start when I start the day and finish the day doing everything, but the one thing I'm supposed to be doing. And I think most of us fail because we have a to-do list of 200 things and there's really one important thing that we should be doing. And that is the thing we're not doing. Yeah, that's fair. And then all of a sudden, those 199 things that you're supposed to do to take care of themselves. If you do the one thing you're supposed to do, then the 199 things that you're supposed to be doing. That's actually fairly insightful. Take care of themselves. Yeah. And it's the same thing with love because if you're in love and all the other nuisances in life tend to- Isn't that just a lesson on perception? Because it's not the love, it's just how you feel. It's how you feel. Right, it's how you're viewing it. Right. And when you're in love, you generally feel pretty good. So everything else feels pretty good because it is pretty good. But when you're not feeling great and things aren't great, it's not that the things aren't great, it's that's how you feel about it. So if hypothetically speaking, if I were in love with somebody, the- Very hypothetically speaking. The sun rises and sets with this human being and I filter all of life's experience through this love that I feel for this other person. Yeah. If in the morning I have forgotten to get coffee filters and I'm caught taking yesterday's coffee filter and rinsing it in the sink and it's still perfectly good. I didn't turn the tap water on so powerfully that it blew a hole in the coffee filter. Right. And I'm able to then- This is like a summer blockbuster, just like an enormous budget with a plot that goes nowhere. I'm just saying that if I then take the coffee filter and reuse it. Yes. Because I'm so in love that I forgot to get new coffee filters. Right. So what's the problem here? Exactly what's the problem? Why should somebody criticize me for not getting coffee filters? I feel like you're leaving out details here. Who criticized you for forgetting coffee filters? It doesn't matter. It does matter. I'm just saying that if you're in love it should solve all problems. I don't think it solves all problems. And remove all criticism. No. If you're- Do you criticize somebody you're in love with? I don't think you criticize them but I think you naturally are just around that person so much that you start to try to help them and being able to- I think when you're around somebody enough, you start to see where they are self-sabotaging themselves in certain ways. So you can sort of say, hey I've noticed that you do this and you say this. I would just like to bring that to your attention. Right. And do you think that might be a trait of a certain type of human being? And by certain type of human being I mean who? Type A personalities? Women? Do you think women? I'm just asking for a friend. Does it really matter if a coffee filter is being reused the next day because you forgot to go get- I don't know what type of person would be upset about that kind of thing but personally I if for some reason my boyfriend said he was going to get coffee filters and then he didn't get coffee filters I personally wouldn't care because I'll just go down the street and get coffee and I like going out down the street and getting coffee so it's not a big deal. But the problem for me and there would lie that somebody said they were going to do something and didn't do it. Ah yes. It's the follow-through. It's the follow-through. Sure. Somebody forgot to get coffee filters. And what does the lack of the follow-through say for other things? Right but in the scheme of things of all the horrible things I'm capable of doing as a human being monstrous monstrous right you choose to fixate on the fact that I forgot coffee but don't you understand it's not the coffee filter yeah it's not the coffee filter what is it it's your lack of follow-through but you wouldn't know about the follow-through if you weren't coiled in the grass like a snake watching me waiting for me to make a mistake why are you watching me make coffee why do you have to spy on me uh-huh to see that oh he didn't get coffee filters well there you go this sounds like this sounds like something this sounds like the tip of the iceberg of something that was a long build up to the snake coiling in the grass well do you think in certain relationships uh there's usually one person yeah who is waiting for the other person to mess up to mess up yes but I don't think I think that they're waiting for the other person to mess up because there's something there's something bigger going on there's something like they're not happy in a certain thing so they want them to mess up in a way do you believe in unconditional love yes do you believe that you can love something unconditionally uh-huh like dusty the dog like dusty the dog who will sometimes have an accident uh-huh but we love dusty anyways but we love dusty and you and you clean up the poop and do you say bad dusty no because well that's for different reasons you don't punish a dog later you if you if you want to punish somebody or something you punish them while they're doing it you can't punish them weeks hours later especially for dogs because they don't understand is it asking too much for me to be treated the same way you would treat a dog when is he getting here not you no hang on for one second what what's worse what because i'm winning this discussion you're not winning this discussion yes i am okay what what's worse what my reusing a coffee filter yeah and not telling you i just think that's the stupidest thing in the world or taking a dump in the corner of the apartment taking a dump in the corner of the apartment but you're not a dog so i but i win you're not a dog so i'm alan i so what so you you you do you that do you think that is a let me ask you what do you think that's fair i can you find justice in a relationship your honor can there be justice in a relationship between two people between between the snake in the grass and the coffee filter man is that what you're asking can you find justice can two people live together and find justice no it's about compromise and it's about being able i feel like the snake should be able to let go of the stupid coffee filter things because there's just like so many battles you can there's only so many battles you can pick and the coffee filter feels like a very weird battle to pick but do you think maybe the snake is just looking for a fight yeah that's what i said you think maybe the snake is feeling miserable the snake is unhappy and the snake wants to find a mistake so the snake can fight so that the snake can blame the unhappiness on something other than the snake yes which is a very natural thing for a snake to do what did i just solve i don't know but this was good you can stick around right yeah i'm i'm very confused okay we'll be right back welcome back julia rossi joins us i pronounced rossi right yeah okay she's a writer comedian actress oh my god look at these credits where do i begin oh my god please veldman spare us i mean it's amazing you've seen our seen her in chelsea lately comedy essentials this is not happening the jim gaffigan show vh1 true tv lifetime playboy tv her album true love was released on comedy records last winter and was recently named one of serious xm comedies top albums of 2016 and one of the comedy bureau's 100 best things in comedy in 2016 please welcome julia rossi wow hi i saw you do stand up i remember thinking she's funny but apparently you don't need me to tell you you're funny oh i need everybody to tell me i'm funny you were born in you were born in most people don't need your affirmation for the record veldman oh is that your dynamic good night thank you wow is that what i'm here for that was great that was perfect you're a uh you do solo shows stupid foreigners and bad bride yeah i did well i did they're they're done god this is really interesting why i could just keep going on here god jesus i know this is uh this is a self-esteem workshop for me you've performed at the boston comedy festival bridge town hell yes fast women in comedy festival how long you've been doing comedy um it's like 12 years that sounds about right and you've written for esquire play girl bust magazine i mean i've never had anyone be so kind it's not one of his strongest seats so this is really uncomfortable it's the whole park it's the whole park as the whole park as is us reading your bio yeah well bust magazine yeah that's a magazine i i have a few copies i write for mail bust oh nice for um moob is that what is called man boobs gino come bestia yeah is it really gynecomastia uh so is bust mag is that is that a is that a gentleman's magazine no it's a woman's magazine it's a great man do you read it yeah it's a great magazine wow okay i'm intimidated helpings especially out of his element so you grew up in boston your parents are italian italian immigrants i have a theory and then i'll shut up thank god denis larry's parents were irish uh-huh uh-huh that he's the child of immigrants okay do you have an advantage to having immigrants for parents in what sense that you understand america better than a third generation american huh um i don't know if i understand america better i mean i grew up not quite fitting like i grew up in belmont massachusetts mit romney is probably the the famous belmontian also there's a huge Mormon church there so it's very cool you know it's like a white upper white middle class town so i grew up not feeling white totally but also didn't fit in with like the english as the second language kids so i don't know if i have a better perspective on america but i definitely uh work ethic i i opportunity sure well oh god there's a lot of words being thrown at me um i think i'm having a stroke there's nothing yeah oh god it's fairly normal i think that what i noticed growing up perhaps maybe that some people didn't was differences more but not in like a negative way in like uh like i've always been really interested in like sociology and culture so i'd be like oh the this kind of kids do this and this kind of kids do this and i mean you know i sort of teeter tottered between american culture and european culture and then i also definitely noticed like european italians versus like the third fourth generation like italian american you know that kind of italian but uh yeah it's work ethic because obviously you really work at your stand-up you work at your writing and i think one of the advantages to having parents who are immigrants what the advantage is that they came to america i would suspect for work and yeah i mean my dad you know he he came here when he was 15 my mom came later when she was almost 30 they met here but my dad your your mother married your father when he was 15 yes exactly no no no no no no no no no no no no no she came she came later they met when they're in the same age but uh he you know he wanted to go to college but you know he was he had to start school like two years he was two years older than everyone because the schooling was different and his guidance counselor told him that he probably should learn a trade instead so that has motivated him for his entire life he still talks about this guidance counselor and the guy i mean my dad is unbelievably self-made and worked so hard i almost feel like i had the opposite so it's it's interesting to me that you think i work really hard because i i guess i do but because there hasn't always been money attached to the work uh it's sometimes hard for me to appreciate it because my dad's work ethic is all financially based i know you know so there's this weird thing where i'm sometimes like man i'm such a piece of shit and then i know my friends are like you literally never stop and i'm like yeah but i'm so glad you brought that up because the thing that's been nagging at me is i love doing this podcast but you know doesn't make any money and it does make a that's unfair to the people who donate so i apologize we're breaking even but i i was in america if it doesn't make money it has no value if you're not getting rich or something it has no value the things that bring me the most joy stand up writing for myself doing this podcast six state killing spree it just doesn't sure doesn't bring you the money and so you so you struggle with that not is not really in the past year or two i feel like it's less and maybe it's just getting older and having better mental health coping skills and all that stuff and uh boundaries but i mean it really bought it was yeah my 20s i mean i didn't commit like you asked how long i've been doing comedy like i mean i could say 10 years i could say 18 like i really had one foot in one foot out for a good portion of the beginning of it because i was afraid to commit to it because there's no guarantee that any money would come and when you're not making money you're pretty much worthless and and how i grew up you know it's all about money but now you know i guess i'm an adult so sure uh and i've gotten calmer about trusting like i do okay you know like i get by um but i probably also have the advantage that's you know i was raised privileged even though i come from immigrant parents you know my dad paid for college i didn't you know i didn't have student loan like i was i was my parents aren't frivolous by any means they only go to eat if they have a coupon um which is probably why they have money but you know it's probably a little explain this so i feel the disappointment of not being rich but i also have a little bit of a safety net of like especially i think in like italian at least all the italians i know like my cousins like you're never i'm never going to be homeless you know what i mean like the whole family takes you in they take care of you i could have lived at home until i was 40 if if i wanted to how many brothers and sisters i have one older sister so it's not a big no italian family no i mean they're my mom has six brothers so like the extended family is big but the and are they all back in italy they all live within five miles of each other in massachusetts i'm the only one that lives on a state all her brothers everybody cousins brothers ties on friends and what about your dad what about your dad same thing are they all everybody left italy everybody left italy yeah they all left together what part of italy my mom is from spurlonga which is a beach town near rome and my dad is a brutzi region so both from like the middle of italy hmm do you go back there uh i went i did a semester abroad in college so i went to italy for a little bit my parents have never been back really never ever are they allowed back they're totally allowed back it is it is i've accepted so many things about them that i don't necessarily agree with that is the one that like still it kills me like i'm so sad won't are they like they just they're you know they're like it's stuck kind of it's not i feel like it's are they afraid they're gonna want to move back no god no no they just they don't you know i don't know they're they make a lot of excuses they're like oh now's not the right time oh we're getting oh oh we can't because your sister oh we can't like there's there those kinds of people they their favorite day of the week is someday like i always make that joke about them because they yeah it's always like oh someday someday and you know i maybe i think maybe they don't really want to travel together for that many weeks i mean it's just they you know they just get very overwhelmed by big plants are there are there relatives they want to see back when do they stay in touch um my mom uh she we just got her an iPad last year so she started to FaceTime with some old you know like cousins and old friends but i mean the immediate family all came so it's not really so much that but i mean who doesn't want to go home but they've never gone and they can afford it it's just it's a weird they're they're just kind of my dad i mean the last time my dad left the state was probably to visit me at college in upstate new york and that was like you know 10 years ago or whatever more than that i think it's built into the american dna to cut yourself off from the past you come to america to reinvent yourself and if you're born in america you move to another part it's big enough that you can go someplace else reinvent yourself and forget your past and i think we're a lonely people americans i think we're alone i think americans are lonely because we were built by people who left their families and and their country and there's something our grandparents or your parents were willing to cut themselves off they said goodbye and they made peace with the fact that they may not see their mother and father ever again well their parents came with them okay okay this is a very touching story felon it doesn't apply yeah but they said they gave the middle finger to their past yeah i i can see that i mean and i think it's built into the country i think your parents bake it into you and then you don't see your parents that often i i see them pretty often i see them like once a month okay my kids thank you so much good night and i talk to my mom every day it's weird because we actually have a very deeper dive into how felon doesn't understand women no i hear what you're saying i mean i you know i can't speak for all italian immigrant families but we're a very you know codependent everyone's in each other's business there's no way that i couldn't go home if i go more than six weeks without seeing my family i get a little anxious like we're very well i let me christin buckles would you say in america when somebody says you're dead to me they mean it this feels like a personal experience you're asking for a friend i think in america thank you alex people say you're dead to me and you remain dead to them i'm gonna need some context on this i mean i don't think you can be dead to anyone with social media yeah that's true that's the thing but i think you can ghost i i think in this country ghost people i think in this country it's very easy to sever a relationship i have a hard time making such a firm statement about everyone because i think everyone's a little different i find that i have no show if i follow that role i know it's like the opposite of what a community is supposed to do you have to make sweeping generals they aren't true i don't know because i don't i don't feel that way i have a hard time having people be dead to me i sort of always leave a tiny yeah window for people to be be different and prove that they're better i have i just think i've definitely cut people out of my life but that's not to say that like you know i check their facebook like once every three months or like if i saw them again in the future i wouldn't i wouldn't speak to them or something but i do i think i get a sense of or especially like when i like left new mexico like i have a few friends that like actually flew out here to like visit me afterwards and i remember them like leaving and like giving them a hug and thinking like oh wow i'm never gonna see you again not because i don't like them or like anything but just there's just the likelihood of us ever like getting together ever again is just so slim that it's like this sort of i get this like weird like gut feeling of like oh man this is it i'm never you're gonna go lead a whole big life without me and that's crazy like best of luck and yet technology is bringing us back together in limited ways yeah there are now friendships i have on facebook and it's just implicit that this is as far as it's gonna go i've left facebook a month ago i just you did that was a big move yeah that just i just have you know about that did i know about it i had to go and like her page and i had to like make sure it fall on twitter but yeah no you know facebook yeah i just have a page yeah why did you leave because i didn't like those friendships it didn't like i didn't like that there was people that liked everything that i posted this is really interesting but i've never met them i didn't like running into people that i actually care about to a certain degree you know quaintance wise and then being like hey you know you heard about my son right and i'm like no and they're like oh but i posted about it it's like but i'm just assuming you're following yeah like i just didn't um wow i i try to and try is the keyword i'm not saying i've mastered social media i really social media is a new drug we're all trying to figure out the right dose like i get it but for me i just felt like i was having you know seeing sides of people at it like i was seeing like what like you know uh family members that had very different political views than me and and i was bummed because i just maybe reconnected with them and that and i and i also don't want to get into debates in the comment section right um and i want to i i only want to i try to only use social media to promote myself or promote positive things or like action things if i'm going to get political i wanted to be like here's a link to you know like try try that not i don't always and i just didn't want to see the rants and i feel like a huge problem with the country right now um is or whenever this comes out is because this could be evergreen is that i think social media for as much as it's brought people together to mobilize and it's made us aware and all the wonderful stuff that it does i also think it's created a false sense of uh accomplishment uh in in general even activism if we're going to talk about that but like you know people will post a rant but then now they're learning they actually have to go out and volunteer like for comedy for example there were days where i would like get 250 likes on a joke and then i'd be like well i guess i guess i guess i did guess i did something today and then i'm like wait i haven't done any actual it to me for me personally it was a false sense of action and facebook was sort of the first one that i felt like was the most um i don't know it's like two i want to hear about like people's date they had last night i don't know it's just like it's too personal to me the other thing with likes is it's great to get the likes it's not the same thing as getting a laugh it's not i mean i i use twitter sort of as an open mic definitely you know i think i'll throw something out there and be like cool because a lot of my material has in the past been more storytelling ish and so twitter's helped me write better like one-liners so that's been good um but even like i was talking about this this morning with my boyfriend i was like i was i was kind of in a bummed mood this week and when i in a bummed mood i feel like you know it's you feel lonely and then i was on like instagram and i saw photos of people that i'm not even close with hanging out and i started feeling guilty i was like what's wrong with me that i didn't hang out with all my friends this week and i was like oh i didn't because i was busy and i also don't need to photograph every time i hang out with but it it causes this uh at at times depending on your mental state for me an anxiety of like i'm doing something wrong by not being like hey hey hey does that make any sense yeah absolutely because people post their narrative of their life as they want to present it to you you you don't post a picture of yourself lying in bed paralyzed unable to well it's interesting but people do but people do and that's i have a huge problem really absolutely oh god friend me friend me but wherever you are friend me i need you as a friend but that's also a weird narrative thing because there's also like i'm sorry but if you're in the middle i don't know about you but when i've been having like a depressed moment or panic attack or whatever and i'm really crying hard the last thing i'm thinking about is my phone so when some asshole poses like a video of themselves crying they're like i'm so sad oh yeah absolutely absolutely it to me and i and i as i can't stand it and i can't stand the people that like it because i feel like they're enabling it but at the same time there's this new drug and nobody knows what to take and they're all like experimenting with it and it's just i've never seen that i struggle between these things of like i i really try not i don't take selfies i don't post selfies and every time i see somebody posting a selfie i have this like conflicted reaction of just like oh jesus like this obsession with yourself but then it's like why am i so like self-conscious that i'm like you know i would never do that it's like what does that say about me of like you know am i not do you know what i mean i think it just goes back to being genuine you know right because i think the same thing applies to comedy and applies to everything in life like if you want to take a picture yourself one day and post it fine right if you don't post anything for a week fine if you you know like if you really are going if you're really doing it from a place of like i want to share this you know but if you're doing it from that like place of like i need likes right now i need attention i feel like it sort of blows and usually blows up in my face where like i get ignored this is interesting right because we're gonna say something um yes no but i no i was just gonna say that i want to interrupt yeah no absolutely something that you're very natural at thank you um i feel that there you know there is this degree of like you know you do see people who post these just extremely overly personal overly things about things going on in their life and there's a part of me that's like yeah so it's almost this open forum for us all to be like hey like we all have a hard time but at the same time it is is it like are you posting this to like help other people and to let people not feel so alone or are you posting this because you want people to call you and feel sorry for you and to like victimize yourself i think it's sometimes one or the other because i think yeah but i also think it depends on your i think a lot of people i want to tell people with how they should or shouldn't use the internet but it is an online portfolio in a sense even if you're not a professional performer or writer like this is a portfolio when you are as a human yeah so curate it if you have like a really you know if you want to share something personal because you think it might help other people awesome i totally am a huge fan of that but maybe make sure that your next post is like a little lighter you know like yeah it's i don't know there's just a it's a consciousness thing and so what i actually think has been i hope a good result of all the shit that's happening in politics in the country is i i hope at least for me it made me step back and re-examine like what i can do to protect myself right now and take care of my own mental health and take care of jensen you know what jensen zero yes yeah oh yeah that fuck you are what is this read again plug the book i have to pick this up i have to read it because i keep i keep um have you read it yeah i read it did you not read it yet i'm i'm like 10 pages away from me tell me you tell me about the book it's called you are a badass and it's just it's just like a good book about i feel like the main this is what it looks like okay yeah it's just like the best i mean at its core i feel like it's about being yourself and believing in yourself and not needing it's it's very i will say i remember when i picked up reading it i went oh i i'm wondering like what new ideas i was gonna get from it and to be fair it's nothing that i haven't heard before but it was put into a context into a language that i could definitely relate to and especially like you know i i just turned 29 oh you know i've like like the last year of my 20s or whatever and it is i remember doing those same exercises when i was in my early 20s and and i now understand why those might not have worked because at my core i was a different person and now that i'm like almost 30 i'm like oh like i understand why those didn't work i'm a totally different human being now and i can apply these same things and it feels different for example what for example yeah okay so uh for one of those things is you know that she talks about you know that like you can kind of have the the right intentions and like believe in yourself and write all the appropriate mantras down but if you at deep down have a core belief that it's not going to work and it just won't because you truly yourself at your core believe it and it's also just a reminder of like becoming like i said earlier like in meditation just becoming aware of like the chatter in your brain of just like the things you tell yourself but that's what i think the internet kind of is neck because it adds more chatter and there's already enough chatter and so i'm not saying at all like these are the rules on how to use the internet or the internet's bad or it's the reason for everything but i think with all things there just needs to be more consciousness yeah and unfortunately our phones are something that like pull you out can really pull you so you have to use it with consciousness right i'm not making a point i just want to share this with you i rarely have anxiety attacks you are white and male so right and and anxiety attacks come from the feeling of lack of power i know a lot of white guys like that attacks so i've dealt i mean i used to get anxiety attacks now i give them Trump Trump's president it's my country again no so in all seriousness i've done a couple of digital detoxes lately i know that sounds all goopy and it's not a wonderful i love it Gwyneth Paltrow ish but i did i love that you know that i've done a couple of by the way speaking of goopy i wonder how dusty is i know dusty we there's a dog that's messing up andrew goldstein's apartment we're hoping he pooped on the floor yes okay so last night i wanted to do a digital detox because i had done one the week before at the same time and it was the night before this taping so i could read and prep myself for the show and be really clearheaded and i announced my digital detox not on facebook but i texted people who i am in contact with and i said you won't be able to hear from me i'm doing a digital detox for the next five minutes so no i'm gonna you know in the morning what time do we have to stay till alex is it i'm gonna you know i like to do a 12 hour and i was expecting to have that Sabbath of reflection and blah blah and i couldn't do it felt anxious i i i for some reason i felt alone anxious i started reading about trump dangerous and couldn't find something and i just had and i had to go back on and i kept i literally said to myself i went on facebook twitter check my text i call it bar hopping and my yeah and my email that's funny come on something make me happy light up my brain light up my brain well maybe it's a little but maybe that's kind of that's almost okay so detox it's you know when they when you're dieting for example they say you shouldn't diet you should just be a more conscious eater as somebody as a girl was dieted many times in my past diets never worked what worked was like finding balance so maybe it's the same i think it's the same thing with technology so for me what i started doing about a year ago uh per the advice of my friend kelly was in the morning first hour that i'm awake i don't use technology so i wake up i go to the bathroom brush my teeth i meditate i try to meditate do sort of like a meditation while making my coffee my breakfast maybe put on a today show you know i sort of do all the things and then an hour after i've had a chance to wake up and like be alive for an hour you let yourself check your social media i do a quick check and then i start my day and it it has changed my life save it again about because somebody else told me to do that yeah i think i talked about the one i did another podcast i recorded here that not not because we we tend to wake up my alarm clock is my phone so i turn my alarm off i'm holding my phone put it down yeah what do you need to what unless unless you a car service is picking you up at 7 a.m because you're or whatever it is right or flight i can understand that but there is nothing if something's that in urgent it can wait an hour because if you don't want to have the extra hour to sleep or whatever it is but you you deserve an hour to set your brain because if you wake up and do the roll and scroll which my boyfriend does and i give him such a hard time about it but it's his business if he doesn't want to be as enlightened as me but um no i'm just how is he with remembering to get coffee filters oh man drop it we do a uh french press but um not an issue that yeah it's not an issue but uh but no to have that hour because if you roll and scroll you're starting your because what you do in the first five minutes that you're awake is going to set your day off so like i just read uh that i always say his name wrong with thick non han uh who thick thick non han he's a buddhist meditation teacher it's thick non han thick thick non i think i'm saying it wrong have you not heard of him it sounds like a porn star i used to know oh come on has everybody done that joke your jokes are really lazy they felt and i'm just gonna be honest with you i know it's uh the it's called a miracle of mindfulness that's what it is he says try to in the first five minutes you wake up smile smile because it's supposed to like change your mood for the day but i feel like the same thing for me is true with the no technology and meditating hang on as long as i'm being a lazy i let me see she's like saying real i'm sorry i don't know i mean i was gonna do it i was gonna do a joke about go ahead do it the floor is yours i wake up with a smile okay yeah because i that's can i soil the bed okay whatever it whatever it takes that's wonderful well i just i excuse me for the did you know i was gonna say that i did i did unfortunately comedy is surprise you figured he couldn't possibly do the soiling the sheets joke sure so i surprised you by just what a horrible comic i've seen you sit down for an hour and write jokes and they were either masturbating or poop jokes have those are like two really funny things did i really i think i still have the doc oh because it was a google doc yeah you were watching me why were you watching him i had to it was my job it wasn't your job to watch me i was organizing so inadvertently reading them everything i wrote was a masturbation poop joke mm-hmm to be fair you were writing about chris christie all right okay so he wasn't masturbated that's there you were you were you were saying i mean i think i was done but about waking up with a smile on your face i mean that's what the books that i haven't tried it yet but the other stuff i just finished reading the book last week but uh the book also well it's it's an older book and it really relates i really recommend everyone read it because it relates to today it was talking a lot about like you know people get overwhelmed with i'm paraphrasing but you know people get overwhelmed with i get very overwhelmed with trying to change the world and especially you're talking about like the going online and reading all the trump news i definitely went through those anxiety phases of like well activism fatigue i have to know what's going on and i have to do something and what am i going to do and how am i going to do it and like that then you forget that like in your day to day that's where you're going to make a big difference so like right by being a good person and a calm person and having that hour in the morning where you meditate and whatever whatever and then you go through the world i'm going to be less likely to roll my eyes when someone bumps in front of me or call someone an asshole like i'm very easily agitated especially in the city i know i'm coming across like i mean i carry a yoga mat but it's really a prop and i just be like oh look at me you know but uh and i use it to hit people to get out of my way but i that to me being a nice person in the world is just as important in your day to day with the people around you spending time with the people you love asking them how they're doing rather than just tweeting at them is just as much if not more important and useful activism than knowing what every headline is so social media is the myth of spirituality the idea that you can be connected to everybody all at once is spiritual but it's also hell i think with most things it's balance it's like saying that you know food is bad it's like well you have to eat food is also going to be really enjoyable but isn't the height of enlightenment feeling a sense of connection to everybody i don't know what the height of enlightenment is i mean i for me i think it's being walking through life this is just i guess with a calmness and like radiating outward that calmness onto other people calmness or a sense yeah there's a connectedness but that that's where empathy and compassion and all that good stuff comes from and i don't i think that the internet can be really useful at times too i mean i've heard podcasts that have like moved me i've read articles that have moved me i've had twitter interactions with people who've been like hey i read this thing you wrote and it really helped like i i love those connections i'm just talking about the connections where you're when you're tweeting at an avatar of a frog and you're just like like it's that's not conscious do you do that no i have you ever done it uh i have and i've almost always immediately deleted it um like i made a gun joke the day uh god it was the day that what happened like a month or two i can't even keep up anymore because i remember that joke that was like a month or two ago wasn't it i don't know it was like i don't know if we're talking about the same thing but it was two months ago i said something on twitter about guns and it happened to be the day that there was a shooting shooting really what are the odds it was uh but it was a shooting by a it wasn't an islamic related do you guys know what i'm talking about it was i remember you did something not that long ago and it got like a fair amount of attention and for i got a lot of threats yeah i remember that i got i had a lot of people so basically let me hear the joke i honestly don't remember i i bet you i was gonna say i bet you i could find it but i know i've deleted it i was gonna say it wasn't even really a joke it was just a statement about guns i can't remember what it was anti anti-guns i mean anti-non-gun control i'm not gonna i think i think i said yes i am trying to take away your guns just something smart silly not smart intelligent just dumb right and and then an hour later there was some kind of ices related got like something that it was that guy at the college campus i think wasn't a couple months ago there was a guy at the college campus and so i didn't i tweeted before while that was happening but i didn't know the news story so people gun owners or gun enthusiasts thought that i was directly directly relating it to that and that's the problem with the internet too is like sorry i didn't read all the headlines yet so i i went offline for a couple hours not realizing that i tweeted something so controversial so relevant that day and i come back and i have like i don't know like 50 people just being like you want it i have a gun i'll show you my gun oh really you want to tell me that to my face and my gun just like that's you can't argue with a gun owner because they own a gun you know and i and when i start i started to respond back and then what i started to do is i started to respond back hey i'm really sorry you feel that way i really i hope you have a great day like that's what that's how i'll try to respond and then i just deleted the whole thing and went online again that day because i was like this isn't even important to me and it's not real it's not even real because i didn't even i wasn't even if i knew how to fix everything i no offense wouldn't be i would be you know the president and mark marinshire i know but i mean i'm just saying if i knew if i i i don't tend to look i'm not very good at arguing policies and solutions because i don't really know them i i go from feelings and that's not always the best way to argue so that's my i'm just trying well actually it is i'll get to that in a second i have an article that i want to talk about but i as i understand it i've been paying attention to leslie jones uh and melo yapanapolis the who i literally just figured out who he was like a week ago oh that guy's so dead he gets a boner every time someone says his name yeah and he's a provocateur so he tortured leslie jones yeah you know about that he set his army of twitter followers on to for no reason yes racism right misogyny from what i can tell women experience twitter far differently than a guy does the internet i mean life in general yeah and i mean i can't even she has on top of it being a black woman's i can't even can't relate yeah like but i could relate to the when i can relate to all of it because i understand pain so have you received horrible comments and tweets that yes and per in private messages i just got a message last week that was like i'm not that popular i i i wrote a joke that was like uh divas is my birth control and i mean you want to talk about original jokes the amount of people that tweeted your face is your birth control and i was like i don't even understand how easy it is somebody really did that somebody multiple guys guys mostly i think a couple women too which is also like what you're any what are you even talking about and then this and then someone also wrote that on my facebook page and i just deleted it because i and clearly they noticed that i deleted it because they probably kept checking to see if there's a response but then what was really nice is he sent me a message that said oh you posted this in yeah he said uh just kidding sweetie yeah yeah you're beautiful you're beautiful uh but but you're so misguided misguided yeah yeah that's what i wrote yeah and uh thank you for remembering and uh and his his photo was uh because i checked his profile his photo was a shirtless photo of him from like 40 years ago sure um so thank god he didn't really mean that i was ugly but i but i am misguided though misguided i am misguided yeah but beautiful but in my politics that's what she is yeah that's her next album beautiful disaster yes uh all right that's not well i yeah that's that's one of the most mild ones but it's that like hey kiddo let me tell you how it is and i'm like i know no thank you no thank you um no but i've had guys uh you know i've had i've had women do similar things but like to my face like what like uh for instance uh but last night i had um i i bartend right now a few days a week and i had a woman who was extremely unhappy with her just her experience in general and she grabbed my arm pulled me down to her level and she goes i'm gonna explain to you what hard work means like to my face and i had to sit there and listen to her because that's my job but i feel like that's a little that's just someone being an asshole i mean i think i'm not not to minimize it i think what you're asking about is being on the internet as a woman well no i want to but i think that let me to be fair i will say to be fair that i was behind the the bar with my the my counterpart who is a columbian male who he was the person who actually extended the service to her it wasn't even me she said nothing to him and it was my problem so it was and i was the one who took all the heat from the manager the columbian male didn't do anything he he pulled the manager aside later and was like i'm not sure why she's getting in trouble for something i did but i found it because if i had if i had to deal with the columbian male i would have said what's the balloon of cocaine up your ass yeah sebastian's the best but no but it was in i found it interesting you're really funny on stage swing and miss me right stage but i'm so desperate i'm so desperate you're gonna take a crying video later my mind my mind is just so warm he's in another video we hate but i will say i was and i and i genuinely didn't i don't care what this woman thinks of me or whatever but i did find it interesting that for that i was somehow to blame for all of it even though i had done nothing there's an animal instinct at play there i think when people perceive weakness they kind of go for it i think that woman i don't think she was doing because you were a woman i just think she felt sure tread lightly i think she just felt that she that she wasn't let me ask you about a guilty pleasure i have with certain women um good night i have a visceral hatred for kelly and conway uh-huh sure like most people and avanka yeah and i know that it taps into my lizard brain the misogyny i think men have a all men have a certain degree of misogyny inside of them the same way women have a certain degree of misogyny in them i was gonna that's a joke because yeah like we said that i was gonna say that women hate men okay she's got it yeah okay how much of my hatred how much of our hatred for kelly and conway is misogyny if a guy was doing this because i when i'm being honest with myself if a guy were doing this would would it be would as much vitriol be directed at him okay so this is just a quite obviously i don't know the answer but i wonder if it's because women tend to be a little bit you know i don't know ten women smarter uh women aren't assholes as much as guys and so when you see a woman like kelly and conway just trying so hard it feels like not because to me that's not powerful what she's doing isn't powerful to me what she's doing is she's reading a post-it note that a guy handed her and that's why she enrages me because she seems like vapid and empty and based on that stand-up video of hers that's circulated you know just like i mean so many these people are just want attention they want to be right they want something i don't know what is wrong with everyone and where but for me when i see someone like her you're just like but what do you actually think because i don't know that i believe her no do you hate her i'm gonna say yeah i'm gonna say something that you're gonna probably be like oh roll your eyes to but when i was in sixth grade my friend's mom i said oh i hate that ugly girl and my friend's mom was like don't say hate and don't say ugly because we're very final and those are very like the the most evil thing and i have a really hard time using either of those words ever since she's been really no i just because i this is gonna sound i mean my heart i i i hate calling it hate because i mean yeah if i see kelly and conway i feel a lot of rage but i can't i don't hate her because i don't hate i mean i i don't know i don't know i feel i'm just like i just don't fucking understand these people like right okay but she's it's it's you hate do i well i mean like i will did julia again no yeah no i mean i i think it's i i don't think that i hate but yes i would i would definitely if i saw kelly and conway i would feel just like extreme i would just like see red like i don't i feel rage when i feel injustice yeah that's when i get mad like when someone like the reason why i get mad at someone's subway is because they're not getting up to give an elderly person their seat you know what i mean like that shit or like you just were rude to my friend like that's when i start or like kelly and conway and all these people like they're just being so unfair but but it's not hatred she just confuses the shitter she confuses the shit out of me because i just genuinely don't understand i just don't understand what she wants i don't understand what she's saying i don't think she understands what she's saying just that sort of like when when like a reporter will comment her and just continue to question her and she just goes i don't know yeah it's just like you're right you don't know and maybe this is sexist of me or what i don't know i'm sure somebody will get mad at what i'm about to say but i guess i expect differently from women because i you know i think what my parents relationship right and my mom has always been the one to say to my father like okay now calm down you're being like because you know there's women i feel like are often the voice of reason yeah my i grew up my mother the same way calm down you're choking me calm down you know but there's and and i and it's you know it goes back to how we're raised like women are raised to be more in tune with their feeling it's you know it's it goes that way it's not across the board none of these are hard fast rules obviously so i don't know you're just like i don't know i don't know you expect men to like or especially like men in politics for me i expect them to be full of shit and to lie like Sean Spicer doesn't surprise me it doesn't make me mad he's just like a dude but kelly and conaway it's like you're you're like you got to be kidding me like how could you not stand up for like how do you not stand for anything like i just don't understand you know trump we're coming up on five weeks only one person so far has been brought before an ethics board kelly and for that little slip go out and buy oh for her promotion of yeah all the other stuff that's going on totally fine but they went after kelly and i can't help but do a stutter step because i hate her and my mother hates her and my sister hates her and other people i know hate her and we get on the phone and it's have a hatefest and have a hatefest and avanka and i can't help but wonder what that's about like there's a huge part of me that wonders what why my mother and sister hate kelly and so much and i wonder if it comes from the same place where certain people have this blind rage for hillary yeah maybe i mean but it's not like but i feel like it with hillary people were literally digging into weird obscure bullshit from her past that was completely irrelevant to the election not even in the same world like stuff that bill stuff that her husband did kelly and conway we are pulling from actual visceral real things that are happening right now that are relevant right has anybody done a sketch of kelly and conway fighting with her husband like an argument between the two i don't know but that's a great idea yeah that would be such a nightmare i mean i true i just think with you know even with hillary too like yeah there are definitely people who don't like hillary don't like kelly and conway avanka because they're misogynist sure that's that's why they don't like whoever but then there's people that don't like them because i don't like them and i think i think something over the test of time that is always you know we're talking about sweeping generalizations i mean that is a problem with a lot of stuff like as as annoyed as i get with super alt right conservative people saying horrible things i also get annoyed with some people on the other side of it who you know you can't say anything and there's all these terms and all these right suddenly you're the bad guy even you know like there's everyone i feel like right is so full of feelings and a lot of me feeling so many feelings so much misinformation this disconnect because a lot of it is happening online i mean the fact that almost every news story now refers back to twitter trump said this on twitter a celebrity died people reacting on twitter is everything is the news source and i don't know what the resolution is but i just know that any significant change i've seen in people so an example that i can give is so my italian immigrant parents you know dating outside my race absent absolutely not i mean that was like a hell no growing up i didn't even what is your race i mean i guess white a carnation italian i don't know but just like you know a category i guess basically a black person that was that's they're very black and white my parents so um you know and that i never did and my boyfriend currently is black and now that i'm older i sort of just trusted that it'll work itself out and they were very scared and share no not scared like he's gonna like no i understand you know like this is new i'm doing something you know it i don't and they accept the it's everything's fine but i don't think they would have understood that it's okay to be in an interracial relationship and go outside the norm unless the experience happened in our family do you get what i mean yeah like that's a republican viewpoint by the way what that unless it happens to them it's not important but that's what i'm saying but i think that's the problem with a lot of people like until you i wish that there was a program i don't know that it would work where you could like have like a muslim and uh you know at this part like put people on like double dates or or meetups and have them just have a conversation because if you put a human to it it it just becomes more real like my dad who voted for trump which is like a whole other episode um you know we've had some conversations about it and i don't i think he's a little brain washed to be quite honest which is upsetting to see but he was you know his whole thing is money and he's like why do other people get a free ride and i had to work so hard to bring it back nothing more dangerous than a self-made man yeah genuinely self-made he is genuinely something more dangerous yeah he i mean i'm so impressed with i'm so proud of him but i don't know that he's proud of himself yet and that so he gets very protective of that and then he was like oh you know these people that get a free ride and da da da my dad's a landlord and i was like yeah but what about you've over the years have let so many people skip their rent here in there because he's had people who had a hard time he goes yeah but i know them oh that's interesting you know what i mean and so right right there's that and then so when i brought that up when we were talking about politics you saw him soften up and be like oh it's a good point that's a good point like that's so it has to be personal sometimes for you to change it i don't know that the personal if things will happen on twitter maybe they will i don't know is a lot there's a lot to unpack there's a article that i cut out and i don't know who the author is it's how to win an argument it was written may 14th 2014 i should hold off on this until i know the name of the author this was sent to me and what they they it's they say that the guy says that facts by the way i apologize to the author of this article i think it was in salon but our next week show i'll give you credit so i apologize he said that in a political discussion with your father or anybody you don't bring up facts forget facts that's not how you win an argument that tom hanks no it's bill o'relly he says give your opponent enough rope to hang himself there's a phenomenon called the illusion of explanatory depth that when you continue to question somebody as to why he believes that eventually they will run out of steam and begin to see the fault in their reasoning or their mind will open up i've had this experience with conservatives where i just don't argue with them i just keep questioning them and then they get violent because eventually they run out of they run out of explanations when you say to them okay i agree with you clinton was a horrible president brock is a horrible president but what are we going to do about this then they get violent once they cannot tell me what they're against once they have to tell me what they're for they get violent and then you realize well that's what they're for violence this is also interesting don't be a dick he says diffuse disgust and change the frame and this is really interesting he said there are five foundations to moral beliefs there's you question you make a decision politically based on five foundations of moral beliefs one whether somebody is being hurt two whether people are treating others fairly three whether people are exhibiting loyalty to their group four whether people are playing by the rules and five whether people are selling physical or spiritual things that are sacred according to this theory liberals only focus on care and harm whether you're being hurtful and whether or not people are treating others fairly and that with conservatives they're more concerned with whether people are playing by the rules and whether or not people are selling physical or spiritual things and that's that so when you argue a point you have to address what conservatives care about they care about whether people are exhibiting loyalty to their group like america or a religion and whether people are selling physical or spiritual things that are sacred so if you want to appeal to a conservative you have to throw out the facts and address those issues and argue based on that i'll link to the article did that make any sense yeah it does yeah i just in general i'm just a sick of hearing the words liberal and conservative i'm like is there anything is there another category that you can be part of it i see one more occupied democrats yeah you don't hate you pick a team you don't hate doesn't hate feel good i mean i i don't mean to sound so whatever i mean maybe i'm sure maybe someone can prove me wrong what about after spending 45 minutes with david feldman no no hate no where you're performing next uh when does this come out this will be out tuesday oh tuesday night yes i have a show called first set at union hall it's actually be great if you ever wanted to do it it's a comedians perform and then afterwards we watch footage from one of the first times they ever performed while i interviewed them they didn't have video the first time i performed yeah but that's once a month it's called first set it's at union hall in brooklyn and then april 14th uh i'm doing uh my podcast hopefully we don't break up we're doing a live version of it tell me very quickly let's plug your podcast okay and you do everything is producing the live show oh do you know christin i do locals yeah oh good i'm glad i got you two together oh let's see what i didn't write the recommendation but i got you a job producing her podcast okay that's good night thank you i was supposed i was supposed to do oh wait a second so what is the name of your podcast it's called hopefully we don't break up and it's uh my boyfriend comedian will miles and i we interview other couples and just talk about you know how you met why why do you stay together all that good stuff did you ever watch a couple break up on the podcast yeah no no that's the point i'm trying to break people up but that would be more entertaining wouldn't you know i think we have a different feeling you forgot the coffee filters let it go don't you think it would be more entertaining to bring a couple i mean do i mean to give you notes on your podcast yes sure i mean my better jokes get your author names that's a good you know don't be so hateful right better jokes yeah okay christin buckles plug some gigs uh no gigs to plug no gigs to plug in what night is that huh no that's the show you missed thank you so much for reminding me uh no i do have a brunch show coming up at baby's all right in march uh i don't have the date yet so great and how do people follow you on twitter uh at christin buck okay and it's christin with a k yep and an e and julia rossi how do people follow you on twitter it's julia rossi but it's of the g so g i u l a r o z z i and stay away from you on facebook no you can be you can like my page okay just don't don't try to teach me a lesson all right not open to it that'll do it for us hey i have a question to the listeners should we do a live periscope would people be interested in doing this show periscope exists yeah well people do people all right uh they're out there all right let me let me ask the listeners go to david feldman show dot com there's a contact button if we announced a time would you tune in on facebook or periscope to watch me go down in flames would love with love let me know thank you from the show brist studios in downtown manhattan that'll do it for us thanks for listening to the show remember we're not running ads if you'd like to support this program for five dollars a month you can gain access to our premium content by going to david feldman show dot com don't forget to do all your amazon shopping via the david feldman show website there's a contact button hit me hit my contact button i answer all my emails thank you for listening this friday louis black pretty sure we have louis black on our next show