 Hi, it's Bridget. Welcome to Sunday Morning Coffee with Bridget. Today, I'm going to share with you about the topic of need. Need. I recently started working with a new counselor. She's actually a licensed clinical social worker and I one of the assignments that I had from my first session with her was to begin to become aware of my needs and to articulate them and I spent quite a bit of my conversation kind of giving her my back story and things like that and we talked about what I wanted to focus on for you know goals and stuff like that for our time together, but I I spent a lot of time saying that I didn't Know what my needs are like what I need. I don't know what I need I've been going through a dramatic change that changes in my life there's been a lot going on as as have many of us right and I'm like I need to know what my needs are and She said I think you do know what they are and I'm like wait What do you mean? And she's like well you've mentioned a couple of times some things that are very obvious needs that you have and I'm like Wow and So she suggested that When I have feelings about what I need to acknowledge it and actually say it out loud So that I can see what my needs are what it feels like to say or articulate what I might need When I'm noticing it to say it out loud and I thought she said something super profound here. Okay, I want to share it with you because it's so filled with wisdom My thought was well if I say what my needs are if I know if I know what I need Don't I then need to accept responsibility to fulfill my needs? Like if I know what my needs are then why aren't I living a better life? That's more fulfilling or more in alignment with who I am right and I felt like this pressure about it and then I said well if I know what I need Then I have to take action and to me action is like behavior change like actual outward expression of change like massive change right and she said that knowing what you need is your awareness and that Saying it Articulating it is enough of an action in itself Just Articulating it acknowledging it Saying it is enough of an action itself that movement and action Movement inward is the action Like that's the accomplishment I Have never thought this because I go by the Maya Angelo phrase of when you know better You do better and to me the key thing was the do part Express change do implement It's like what good are you if you just talk talk talk you're all talking no action like that is burned in my freaking brain Is it burned in yours all talk no action? They have Been really really wrestling with this idea of my personal need and I think you can understand this because as an empath You are also probably finding yourself in the same position where you may be in a place where you're constantly meeting other people's needs your whole life revolves around Meeting other people's needs you might work in customer service. You might be a teacher You might be a nurse a doctor. You might be a lawyer. You might be a An accountant you might be whatever you do for your job or career. It might very well be in service Where you're helping to meet a need that someone else has Nine times out of ten. That's true Okay, so you actually have a career. You've made a career out of meeting people's needs and if you're a parent Kids and if you got kids you got lots of needs. You got needy needers, right? And so you're not just good at meeting the needs. You're good at anticipating Participating you're good at trying to predict what those needs are. You are good at planning ahead You are good at being prepared to address the needs if that they arise even needs They have not articulated or even said they had but they might remotely need something So you are ready on the ready and prepared Does this sound familiar anybody anybody? Come on, you know, you have that little tubby that slides underneath in between the seats in the front with the sanitary wipes in there and the the The little wipey towel things the The extra spoons and forks the napkins the paper towels the the whisk broom to kind of sweep up messes If they happen an extra baggy in case somebody has an accident or vomit in the car, you know, I'm saying right You got that why because you're anticipating the needs Perhaps past experience of relationships have given us This need to anticipate needs or to serve other people's needs or have we have been along the line probably Rewarded for meeting other people's needs for anticipating them. Oh my gosh, you not only it's not good enough just to meet the customer's needs Hello concierge but you got to anticipate them and meet them before they're an issue and that's Exemplary customer service and that's what gets you promoted. That's what gets you to be the boss's favorite That's what gets you that that that that bonus check, right? or that big account Or the corner office, right? You're rewarded by this. So it is ingrained within us To constantly be scanning for the needs of others to try to interpret that to intuit that And sometimes we're wrong Sometimes you're wrong about what other people need from you and Just because there's a need doesn't mean you're the one that has to fix it to meet it address it Sometimes somebody else's need and your awareness of their need is just To be an observer to be part as a witness to be a listener to be part of the The the expression that they are articulating and their own awareness They're saying it out loud and you're just watching that happen. You're not you're not you don't have a role You don't have to help take action. You can just be there in the audience So when it comes to your own needs it would make total sense that you would have no concept of where to even begin But you do know I'm betting I am betting you money That you know that your needs are not being met that you have some needs that are not being met Right here right now Are you hungry? When's the last time you ate? What did you eat? Did you does your body have a need for you to eat Something a little more healthy than perhaps what you ate or to eat of a bit more frequently Than you have because your feast or famine type, you know because you're just so busy and you just That everybody else but didn't have time to feed yourself or maybe you didn't make a smoothie and you never made a smoothie in Your life, but your body might want a smoothie instead of you know another cup of coffee or something Do you know what I'm saying? So there are needs That you have that you are not paying attention to and That if you do just sit for a moment in awareness and answer that question about what did you eat? When's the last time you ate? You might it might give you just a little sample of the fact that you certainly can be very aware of what you need And but it doesn't mean you're going to take action to fulfill that need Because you need to eat better you need a healthier diet because you know you have more energy or sleep better You won't be so stressed out or anxious Etc. Etc. Doesn't this is what I mean? You're gonna flip that switch and change everything right now today or tomorrow, right? But the first step is to be aware of your needs and I'm gonna tell you right now don't be scared don't be afraid You Consider it information gathering data gathering research consider it research get curious about what you might need So I know some things about myself that I need and it was pretty easy right away to sit down and kind of think about a couple of things That I need once I let myself kind of relax some of the resistance about this whole concept of need You know and having to then deal with it address it right away just being an awareness state of it It was it was a little bit easier. So I know that I need sunshine. I Need the sun I am one of those people that is affected by seasonal effective disorder stuff and and when it's too cold and Too dark it is hard for me It's hard for everyone a lot of people are affected by that but for me in particular So that means I need sunshine and therefore some of the actions I can take to address that if I want to go into that space which I already do because I know that I need that It's like vitamin D and a sunlight and vacations Where I could just be in warm weather and sunny weather. I Know that my need for the Sun isn't just to see light, but it's also the warmth It's also weather related. It's not just light related. It's weather related. It's warmth My body needs to feel warm. I need to be warm. I love to be warm I have blankets soft fluffy cozy blankets all over the place. I have slippers and cozy socks I I dress in layers. I have two heaters in my greenhouse space room space heaters that I sit with a blanket cozy that by I Love to be warm and I know that about myself. I know it. I need that That's a part of me that I know that I will thrive when I have that so I need sunshine and warm weather Okay, so I know that those are just kind of needs that I have okay I also know that I need a lot of water every day. I know that when I drink more water I feel better and when I don't I get Ornery I actually get moody or crabby if I haven't had enough water I don't just feel like headachey or what have you but I feel tired and I feel crabby I really do feel crabby when I don't have enough water so I did already take action on that because I kind of got out of the habit of drinking water by drinking water in the morning before I have my coffee and Drinking hot water because why I love being warm and even when it's summer and I bought a tea kettle. I actually bought like a Hot water warmer just for hot water. That's it and I have it here in my office space and my greenhouse space my green room And I've been using it for a couple days and I love it. It just makes me so very happy and It has been just wonderful, but I know that I need to drink more water and this is one way that I'm I am doing that So those are just kind of two simple examples There's other needs that I haven't in as far as relationships and you too Have needs as far as interpersonal needs like in relationships with other people so You might need quiet time And that might look like reading a book doing a journal going on a walk Having time by yourself totally by yourself It might help you recharge your batteries. Maybe it's daily. Maybe it's three times in a week Maybe it's once a week once a month. I'm not sure what it looks like for you, but maybe it's that or maybe like one of the common one of the needs I see for myself in relationship and and it could be like in regards to like a class that I'm taking or a life coach I'm working with or a Client working with the client or in actual relationship like with my spouse or significant other or my kids Or my friendships. I need consistency. I need people to say what they're say what they mean and mean what they say and Follow through like I need people that are consistent people that show up and are consistent And if they can't that they communicate that so I need consistency and communication Because that's what I do That's where you build trust and that's where loyalty over time comes from that's where deeper Relationships come from because you can have deeper meaning more meaningful conversations when you know someone's going to be consistent for you And that you offer that energy and return as well, of course So consistency and then communication, you know sharing being being articulate as much as you can and and just Having that kind of a respectful interaction or engagement to me. That's a basic need that I have so Those are some things just some examples So I want to share with you that I found it Extremely helpful to think about the fact that identifying my needs was a way less scary and I was less resistant to it When I recognized that movement inward inside was progress That giving myself permission to be aware of and then articulate my needs Didn't mean that I had to fulfill them fix them figure out a plan to change everything and have massive overhaul in order to be in alignment That knowing was enough that Trying to put words and communicate that to receive that information for myself to understand myself better that alone was monumental movement and That feels really good that movement inward was absolutely a hundred percent action step number one so I Find it crazy and and the fact that I didn't realize I mean I know I'm kind of action oriented But I didn't realize how much I literally tied to myself of well when I know I can't not know Which means I can't not do anything about it. Well, if that's not true when you know something You don't necessarily have to take action on it people Don't take action on stuff all the damn time and it's not just a procrastination thing. It's a legitimate Just because you know something that you just because I know that I have this need doesn't mean I have to change my life In order to achieve that need because guess what there's a bigger picture context, too There's multiple needs going on here and when you're in relationship in different relationships There's a lot of dynamics in the family up in the workplace in your life Where you have to prioritize and where you have to be flexible and fluid about How You are able to live a fulfilling life by having your needs met But also before that can even happen you have to know what your needs are and then you have to get good at Articulating what those are especially in relationship So like if you think about this, this is interesting If you think about this in terms of a career or a job But because I think a lot of people are changing jobs right now or open to career changes are going back to college or Or being just being open to promotions and different kinds of jobs Then maybe two years ago. We were If you think about this in terms of job like what do you need in a job? Like what do you need? Do you need flexibility? Do you need an adjustable schedule so that you can you know pick your kids up? At the end of the day at the bus stop or be at home when the kids get home. Do you need to live in a certain location? Because it's closer to extended family Maybe you have older parents that you kind of care for or that you want to be around Maybe maybe that's a factor for you. Do you need a work environment? That's really super focused on Learning like enhancing your skills like maybe you're working computer programming and and that's always a Field that's constantly changing and always opportunity to learn new things learn new things or things and and needing to do that in order to keep I had of things and keep Relative and relevant and marketable and so maybe you need an environment that that is really supportive super pro Keeping learning on the cutting edge new things new things new things. Maybe that's something that you need to have So there's a whole host of things and in areas that you can kind of identify needs and work with needs and and maybe something like that a little more Less charged like the work a worker career scenario might be less charged than like say Your marriage that's that's a little more charged right or a personal relationship like a romantic relationship versus a friendship like in a friendship. What do you need? What are your needs as far as friendship goes, you know, and so like for me, it's like that responsiveness that consistency that communication That kind of mutual understanding to be able to articulate needs and understand that you're not always going to be available, but You're still there like your heart is connected kind of a thing that level of support and so I think the needs thing is is still it's daunting to me and Because I think it's because I feel like needs are your basics. I'm not even talking about your wants or desires I'm talking about like your this is what I need. I need to have this Like I have to have this I know because if I don't have this I'm gonna be miserable and if I'm miserable everything else in my life sucks My relationships my kids suffer whatever, you know what I mean? So if I don't have this then it's a problem So for me to like alone time is a big need like that's a non-negotiable. I need alone time I need to have time to reflect. I need to have time to reboot I need to have time to be totally away and separate from everybody and be like solo And I like I love that you probably know if you watch my fairy grasshopper YouTube channel You know that I do travel on my own a lot probably four times a year or so I'll go different places and things and and I love to travel so low and sometimes I travel like with my sister That kind of thing now that my sister moved I probably go travel to see my sister and then just chill by myself at her place and Opportunity to like reflect and journal and go on walks and be in nature and just have different experiences different kinds of foods Be in different environments. Maybe listen to music go to different venues and places not a slight big nightlife kind of person but maybe like a open mic night somewhere listening to some You know great piano like piano music while you know having drinks or whatever it might be I'm just kind of taking in the atmosphere of things and having different kinds of experiences. I really enjoy that, you know, so Like these are some things that are just basic needs However, when you are in a relationship with someone else then and you've identified your needs You have to be willing to allow that other person to share their identified needs with you and Then to have conversation about how best to meet your needs But not that somebody else has to here's my list of needs. It's like a menu give this to me I here's my order and I give it to you and you have to fulfill those no But it's a good opportunity for conversation and recognition about how you are personally accountable to be your own voice to speak up and to make plans to do those little trips or to To make plans to make sure you get that sunlight however that is or have those warm cozy slippers You know to have that those blankets on hand to make sure things are warm and cozy Etc. Etc. For example, right to a simple simply put a simple example. So Yeah, so I have to see how this goes. I'm just starting to work on this I think it's a work in progress a lifelong work, but it's something that I thought Hey, I should share this with you guys because need is a big deal It is a big big deal and it seems like The concept of need can be something that seems like a detriment or a flaw like if you have a need What's wrong with you? Why aren't you enough just on your own and why aren't you taking care of yourself and wait a minute? You have a need. Yeah, well, we need each other to fulfill our needs But but then at the same time we can't expect someone else just to magically know what those are and to magically meet them Because it's on us to make sure that we put ourselves in positions in order to be able to get our needs met And that's on us. We have to choreograph that and part of that is articulating and communicating To ourselves through our first awareness about it What those needs even are What what what those even are and what that looks like for us So interesting good conversation today you guys good conversation about need and I know you empaths I know you'll appreciate this. So this is Bridget. Thanks so much for listening to sunday morning coffee with Bridget I look forward to continuing to connect with you. Check me out on Bridget inspired on Instagram Check me out at fairy grass hopper on youtube and above life channel on youtube as well Yes, I am accepting new intuitive coaching clients. Yes. I'm an intuitive life coach I'm also a psychic and a medium and you can enjoy my psychic mediumship work On above life channel on youtube for free because that's where I share my weekly channeling videos on mondays So make sure you check things out there if you're interested in intuitive topics Tips things like that about energy work card readings other psychic tools that I use or my psychic blog or I talk about my psychic life Check that out at fairy grass hopper on youtube I hope I've inspired your spirit today and filled you with some hope and encouraged you to live your life It's your life after all And you gotta live it So just live it. Thanks for listening