 Family Theater presents The Professor Was a Cheat. A second cooperation with Family Theater presents The Professor Was a Cheat, starring Jean Lockhart, Kathleen Lockhart, Susan Morrow, and Stephen Dunn. And now to our drama, The Professor Was a Cheat, starring Jean Lockhart as Professor Dunnbar, Kathleen Lockhart as Mrs. Worth, Stephen Dunn as Phil, and Susan Morrow as Carol. Professor Dunnbar, that statement is not true. I thought it was a real window. I'm obliged to agree with you, Mr. Wilson. Then, sir, you admit... I hardly think my statement, prior to interruption, calls for admission of anything on my part, nor was anything more than a minority opinion. I merely said that there's some doubt that William Shakespeare ever existed. And I was about to say it's believed in some circles that the name William Shakespeare is pseudonymous, non-dipluminous, or, Mr. Wilson, a pen name. Sorry, sir, I didn't understand. I'm not called non-intelligent. Now, we were discussing Act 5, Scene 3 of Macbeth, in which the Bard hints at psychoanalysis as... Yes, Ms. Henshaw, what is it? Professor, do you suppose there's any truth to the rumor that William Shakespeare was really the pen name used by Ben Johnson? That's an interesting point, Ms. Henshaw. Many hold to that opinion, but it seems hardly likely, since Shakespeare died in 1916-16, while Johnson lived till 1637. And, too, between those years, Johnson spent a great deal of his time as the Bard's eulogist. Now, Ms. Henshaw, would you put aside a successful pseudonym in favor of eulogizing a man who never existed? I thought so. Professor. Ah, now we hear from Mrs. Wilson. Sir, how could such a rumor get started if it had no basis of fact? Oh, perhaps started by Johnson himself on the correct theory that any lie told well enough will be believed. Oh, now, wait a minute, Professor. You mean to say that any lie told well enough will be believed? Almost any lie, yes. Professor, I defy you to prove it. Oh, yes. Fly it, please. Mr. Wilson, I do not like you. I have not liked you since the beginning of this term, and it's with the utmost revulsion that I contemplate having to spend more time and energy disliking you through the next two terms. Now, you've defied me to prove that what I say is true. Now, this puts a severe strain on our teacher-student relationship, but it gives me a long-sought opportunity to win. If I do prove this statement true, will you withdraw from this class? Professor. Fly it, please. Well, Mr. Wilson, in the vernacular of the gamers, put up or shut up? What's in it for me when I win? Now, the class will do well to remember the final grades are not yet in. Mr. Wilson, in regard to the unlikely occurrence of your winning, were I you, unwholesome thought, I shouldn't let it keep me awake nights. But since stakes must be put up, would you consider this an adequate stake? For the remainder of your stay at this university, an apartment at the Regal Arms rent-free, are you kidding me? Certainly would, Professor. How could you work a deal like that, Professor? Oh, it wouldn't be difficult for me to work a deal like that. You see, I own the Regal Arms. Now, Mr. Wilson, if you and your wife would call for me there this evening, we'll discuss the terms of the agreement. We'll be there, sir. Very good. Now, act five, scene three, Macbeth. Cancellal, not minister to a mind disease. Oh, good evening, Wilson, Mrs. Wilson. Professor. Good evening, Professor. Won't you come in? Thank you, thank you. You know, I've decided that it might be more advantageous if we postpone our little experiment till the start of summer vacation. In as much as it's only a week off. We wanted to talk to you about that, sir. Phil and I have decided to call it off, if it's all right with you. Call it off? Yes. Well, it certainly is not all right with me. Now, wait a minute, sir, just a minute. I think maybe you'll agree with us when we tell you what we mean. Sit down, please. Thank you. Professor, we can see that the only way for you to prove your theory about people believing any well-toed lie, the only way you can prove it successfully is to try it. Isn't that so, Carol? Yes. Well, it would be completely wrong ethically and morally for us to force you to lie just to prove your point. So it looks like there's nothing else to do but withdraw. Mrs. Wilson, you are, of course, correct. And you, Mr. Wilson, are, of course, and as usual, incorrect. Now, true, this circumstance presents a problem, but I don't see it as being without a solution. Do you follow me, Wilson? Well, I am not following you, Professor Dunbar. I am ahead of you. You see, this situation, what did you say, Wilson? But what solution could there be? Publicity, Mrs. Wilson. Publicity. Publicity. Exactly. Now, the summer vacation starts next week. Ergo, that means therefore, Wilson, Ergo, as soon as the vacation season begins, we shall go on a lying tour. When the tour is over, and I've proved my point, it will then be published that Professor Rufus Wells Dunbar has just finished a successful tour of prevarication which he carried out in the interests of scientific experimentation. I don't think so, Professor. And you and your wife will be free to tell everyone to whom I lie that I'm fibbing. I contend that they'll believe me anyway. Well, that sounds fair enough, Phil. We do need the apartment. Professor, did you say we'd go on this tour? Naturally, we. Why should I say I? It would have to be we. Phil, how could we afford to? I will pay all expenses. Now, I have some business with my publishers in Los Angeles. Ergo, that means therefore, therefore, the tour will be to Los Angeles and back, thus allowing me to kill two birds with one trip. Well, that sounds pretty good. I think he's got a deal, don't you, Carol? I think he has. Good. Then a week from today, we set out to, as the Bard said, in Act 4, Scene 1, Line 98 of Othello, we set out to beguile many. Phil, I'm a nervous wreck. What do you mean, what's happened? Do you know what he told us? So help me. I don't see how he had the time. Professor Dunbar has every kid on this whole train. Kid. The adults, too. He's got him all believing I'm the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger? Yeah. Phil, that's priceless. Yeah, you just keep laughing, baby. He told all the men on the train, you're the mystery-voiced siren on the radio, the lonesome gal. Oh, no. You see him, Carol? No. Oh, there he is. Huh? With the white-haired lady. Oh, yeah, yeah, come on. I'm right behind you. Uh, yeah, excuse me. Pardon me, ma'am. There's always some guys on that different train. Well, if it isn't Mr. and Mrs. Wilson. You don't mind if they join us, Mrs. Worth? Oh, my no. Mrs. Worth, I'd like to present Mr. and Mrs. Philip Wilson. How do you do? Mrs. Wilson, Mr. Wilson. Well, how do you do? Mrs. Worth, I feel it my duty to tell you that anything Professor Dunbar here has said to you has been a lie and nothing more. Really? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Wilson, I rather suspected it. For your information, Wilson, I was just telling Mrs. Worth how much I admired her hat. Hat? Oh, Mrs. Worth, I better explain. Ah, Wilson, mustn't explain the rules of the game. You said all you can. Have you two eaten yet? No, we haven't, and I'm famished. How about you, Phil? Well, you just write what you want on the check. The waiter will come along and pick it up. I've ridden on trains before, Professor. That's rather a novelty, isn't it? The waiter picking up the check, I mean. It would be an innovation. And I dare say it would be quite a stimulus to railroad passenger transportation. Have you a pencil, Professor? Yes, here you are, Mr. Wilson. Yes, railroading has made some tremendous strides since I was in the business. You were a railroader, Professor Dunbar? Oh, yes. Here it comes. What phase? I was a locomotive designer. Oh, my. Oh, no. Oh, yes. Perhaps you've heard of the Dunbar High Wheel Equalizer. Dunwheel High Bar Equalizer. No, I can't say that I have. One of my most successful, you know. Especially designed to pull heavy loads in mountainous terrain. You see, I put oversized rear driver wheels on it and incorporated hydraulic lifts, affixed in such a manner that the drive wheels might be raised or lowered to keep the locomotive itself forever on the same horizontal plane, no matter how steep the grade, thereby completely neutralizing the amount of the incline. Brother. Remarkably clever. It's a wonder someone hadn't thought of it before. Well, I was practically forced into the field, you see. I had to do something to save my holdings, tin mines in Peru. You know, I'd made a wonderfully rich strike in the remote section of the high Andes. How terribly exciting. Don't tell us about it, Professor. Well, there I was, faced with the prospect of losing my holdings for lack of transportation for the ore. So I had to find a way to get the tin out. To get the what out? The tin. And I had an associate, a chap named Albert Kahn. Later became famous for an invention which utilized great sums of the metal. One day, Albert said, water mix up my birth. Oh, sit down, Professor. You know, by and large, indications are that I've won the first round. Ergo. That means therefore, Professor. Too shame, Mrs. Wilson. Ergo nothing. One round doesn't make a fight. What's that you're doing? This professor is a list of your victims. Victims? Tomorrow morning, before the train gets into Los Anglos, Carol and I are going to talk to these people and see whether they believed you or. Or whether they were just being kind to an old man. You see, the first round isn't over, yes. Oh, I was believed. A good actor knows when he's doing his part well. But Wilson, I don't like to admit this. The idea is a good one. Must have been your wife's, huh? Listen, Professor, I. No, stop it. Now, both of you listen to me. We're all going to have to be together for a while, at least till the silly contest is over. Now, why don't you boys shake hands? And break clean. Come out, flag. Well, at least shake hands and try to get along. Well, Prof. Can't do any harm. Here's my hand on it, Wilson. Phil. Well, Phil. Now, that's the shake hands part. Now for the break clean. I think I'll be going to bed. I've got a hard day over a hot lie ahead of me tomorrow. By the way, is Mrs. Worth on that list of yours? Right at the top. Oh, charming woman. Lost her husband some years ago. You might get her address when you talk to her tomorrow. I might drop a note of apology. That's all I'd want it for. I'll be glad to. Seems like a very good idea. Yes, splendid. Good night. You know, I don't get it. I just don't get it. Don't get what? Well, I thought he hated me. And now he's- Oh, Phil. When you were in the army, we both found out what being lonely is like. You know, I think maybe college professors can get lonely, too. Where's Professor Dunbar? I thought he'd be with you. Oh, well, I haven't paced at the station master's office. Tell me, did you talk to many people? Yes, I did. How about you? And? Thought he was nuts. Oh, but one little old lady. And her? She was nuts. Mr. Wilson? You-ho! Mr. Wilson, wait! Oh, Mrs. Worth. Well, how are you this morning? Hello there. When I didn't see you this morning, I was afraid you'd gotten away. Oh, Professor Dunbar's with you. Yeah, we lost him somewhere, Mrs. Worth. We were just going to the station master's office and paced. Oh, isn't that a coincidence? So was I. I thought you might enjoy staying at my home while you were here. There's plenty of room and a nice swimming pool. And it would be so much nicer than staying in a stuffy old hotel. Well, that's very kind of you, Mrs. Worth. It sounds lovely. If you're sure it wouldn't be an inconvenience. Oh, my gracious, no. Just the other day, I was saying to myself. Your attention, please. Will Mr. and Mrs. Philip Wilson call at the station master's office? Mr. and Mrs. Philip Wilson call at the station master's office, please. Sounds like the professor beat us to the punch. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to be ahead of Professor Dunbar. Yeah, come along, ladies. Nightful woman, completely charming. Well, I'd take it you've been up for some time. Yes, and I tell you, the two of you should have been with us. A glorious sunrise, glorious, a symphony, a venerable angelic choir of pastels, slowly expanding food for the soul. Wow. What happened to you? I went for a short pre-breakfast canter with Mrs. Worth. She's quite an equestrian and very erudite. Did you know that she's an authority on Oriental glottology? Those Oriental languages better than I do. No. Well, almost better. And yet she believed those absurdities? I'll never understand women, never. Well, the good lady would like us to accompany her to some sort of club lunch in downtown. We'll be waiting for you downstairs. Now, hurry up. Dear one, the world is waiting for the surprise. Well, what do you suppose has happened to him? Too much sun, maybe. Or too much moon. Yes, I'd say all roofed Dunbar's been moon-struck. Excellent cuisine, Mrs. Worth. You know, I'm somewhat relieved at not getting the eternal cream peas and chicken ollie king. Cream peas and chicken ollie king? Yes, it's almost the standard bill affair at our office club affairs. Heaven preserve us newspaper man from that, Professor. Isn't there James McNamara connected with his organization? Do you know Mr. McNamara, Professor? Oh, indeed I do. He was a student of mine at one time. Small world, max in service now. Public relations officer with Adron Nimitz. Nimitz, just as a fine boy, fine boy. Oh, Professor. Yes, my boy. I think we better take it a little easy. Easy? I don't agree. This is a press club. Ah, yes. He'll do something. What can I do? He's quite a fellow, Nimitz. Yeah, too bad about Douglas. But I suppose Matt will handle things as well as anybody. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Did you know Ridgeway, Professor? Oh, yes, yes, indeed. He attended a few of my lectures. So old McNamara is in the Far East, eh? And from the look of things, he's level to be there for some time. No telling how long this thing will last. No one knows but the Russians, and they're not doing much talking. You know, I'd give a month's pay to take a trip through Russia, find out what's really going on behind the iron curtain. I took such a trip, Mr. Ames. I don't believe I heard you, Professor. I took an extensive trip through Russia about three years ago, dressed as a Soviet officer, made a complete written report to the State Department. What's the matter with Mr. Wilson? My husband seems to have fainted. I'm afraid you're going to wear a hole in my floor, Mr. Wilson. Sit down, Phil. Why did he do it? Why did the whole Los Angeles press club? Dear, relax. Relax. Carol, he's talked to reporters from every major newspaper in the country for three days out of one press conference into another. Where's the snowballing going to end? Well, he's proving his point, all right. What's all this fuss about, Mr. Wilson? The professor seems to be making a lot of sense. And he's having such a good time. Can't you talk to a Mrs. Worth? You and he have been taking those long walks in the evening. Couldn't you talk some sense into him? Mr. Wilson, I hardly think a walk in the moonlight conducive to political conversation. What do you talk about? Phil. Oh. Well, the night before last, I talked about him and he talked about me. And then last night, last night, he proposed to me. He what? He asked me to marry him. Why, is that so ridiculous? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not ridiculous at all. It just doesn't seem like the professor. What did you say? I didn't say anything. Oh, when he proposed? Oh, then. Oh, I'm afraid I said yes. You said yes. Howdy, everybody. Oh, Mr. Ains. Where's the boy? He's in the library. Yeah, he's been on there for hours with the reporters. With the news, I've got he won't be in there much longer. No, sir Ains. What do you mean? Come on in here for yourself. Oh. And then I observed unrest in the Russian people in the Indica, oh, Ames, uh, coming. Well, Professor Dunbar, you better pack your suitcases. We've had a call. You're wanted in Washington immediately. There's a special plane waiting at the airport. Oh, Washington? Splendid. No! Now, look, professor, you can still make a clean rest of it. Why don't you? It'll save so much trouble. Trouble? I don't think we'll have any trouble. How can you say a thing like that? How can you say that? Phil, the girl. Excuse me, young lady. I have an appointment. Professor Rufus Wells Dunbar. Oh, yes, Professor Dunbar. He's been waiting for you. Thank you. Right through this door, please. Thank you. I hope he's not upset. Professor Dunbar, you're here at last. Will you go in right in, please? Thank you, thank you. Now, Phil, you and Carol had better wait here for me. I won't belong. Here, I'll open the door for you. Speeches before Senate committees, lectures to the military. Newsreel and television appearances. There isn't any other way out, is there? You know, I wish that. Oh, that's him now. Ah, Philip, my boy. Come on in, Professor. Mrs. Worth, be seated, please. Is anything wrong? Here, Mrs. Worth, sit here. The Professor, look, it can't go on this way. It just can't. What can't go on? This is getting too big. Conspiracy to defraud. The government is a pretty big thing. But you and I know, both of us, that that isn't the only point. You've got to consider Mrs. Worth, Prof. Consider me? What are you trying to say? Prof, Mrs. Worth is too fine. A woman, you simply have to tell her. Phil, you placed me in an extremely awkward position. Well, there's no other way. Are you going to tell her or shall I? Tell me what? Now, see here, really, I... I'm afraid in all truth I can't. I really wish someone would tell me what's going on. Please, Professor. All right. Mrs. Worth, I'm sorry to have to say what I have to say. But, well, everything Professor Dunbar said has been untrue. He never has been through Russia. What? It was all nothing more than an academic experiment based on the theory that any lie told well enough would be believed. You see, he made a bet with my wife and I that his theory was correct. He's been telling this story to prove it. I never heard of such a thing. This is some strange kind of joke, Carol. It's true, Mrs. Worth. Did you make such a bet, Rufus? It was no lie when I told you I loved you. You did make a bet. I should have guessed. The story about the tin mine and the locomotive. You've been using me. Letting me think you are. I'm nothing but a silly old woman. No, but my dear. I'm so ashamed. And now let me explain. There's nothing to explain. Sorry, Professor. If you'd only waited just a little longer. Now, maybe if we explain the whole thing to Ames. He's a newsman. Maybe he can figure a way out of this. Square you with a nation. You'd better go with her, Professor. It might not be too late. You know, I think she really loves you. I think she really does. Come on, hon. We'll go see Ames. Yes, you do that. Now, I'm going to have a little talk with Lydia. I wish it weren't true, Mr. Ames, but that's the story. So it's all a big lie. Nothing else. I want you kids to see something. Now, where'd I put it? Oh, here it is. It's all right here in this file. I'm going to get a Pulitzer Prize out of my series on the professor, and here's why. Take a look at this, you two. Oh, what's this? I remembered Professor Dunbar saying he'd made a complete report to the State Department when he got back from his trip. So I just went to the State Department and asked for it. That's the whole file, almost three years old. Oh, Phil, if it wasn't a lie, then everything's all right. He was telling the truth while the old cheat. Oh, what about Mrs. Worth? Mr. Ames, can I take this file for a few minutes? Sure. Come on, baby, we've got to get to the station and stop losing our file. Don't worry, not a chance. And the proof's right here in black and white. Oh, thank goodness. No, Rufus, to think I doubted you. I'm sorry I had to go to such extremes to win that silly bet, my dear. Win? But you cheated. You didn't win because you were... Because I was telling the truth? Of course. I was trying to prove a theory to you, not to the nation. My lie was believed. Well, I don't get it. Well, that's why you're the student and I'm the professor. My lie was to you when I made you believe that I was lying. I had to live it. Now, since Lydia's staying, shall we all go to the hotel for some lunch? Oh, how nice. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and, Phil, you see, I win and you lose. And it looks like I won't be seeing you in class for the next two years. Yeah, I guess not. Because I won't be there myself. They've asked me to stay in Washington for a while. What? Well, I guess the best man won. I'm glad it turned out this way, though. Phil, Carol, since you'll be going back anyway, I wonder if you could do me a favor. I'll need someone to manage the regal arms for me. The pay is 150 a month and the choice of apartments. Professor Dunbar. You suppose you two could handle it? Prof, you just got yourself a boy. Good. Oh, dear, not a taxi in sight. Not much like when I was in the business. I used to have quite a fleet, you know. Had an associate. A fellow named Albert Yellow. Oh, no. Taxi! Here are Jean and Kathleen Lockhart. Thanks for a fine performance, Mr. and Mrs. Lockhart. Our thanks to Family Theatre, Tony. It isn't very often you know that a husband and wife both have the chance to act in the same show. It certainly isn't. Well, I think you both did a splendid job. Oh, that's very nice of you. Of course, Kathleen can always be depended on for a fine portrayal. Oh, no, dear. It's you who can always be depended upon, not thy. Well, really, I think that... But my sweet, next to you, I am nothing when it comes to drama. Well, I think that... Oh, but my love, how can you say that? Please, please. Will you keep out of this, Lafranco? Jean, you know you're the better actor. I don't see why you can't... Now, see here, Kathleen Lockhart, when I... When you say I'm better, you're wrong. Just plain wrong. Why don't you admit it? Wrong? I've never been wrong in 35 years! Well, dear friends, there's an illustration of a family quarrel. I suppose that was a little ridiculous. But there are quarrels in every household, and that's a very unfortunate thing. But there's a way to keep them from becoming too big or too frequent, and it's a very simple formula. For family difficulties, family prayer. It's an effective remedy that should be as much a part of family life as the evening meal. When we gather together to acknowledge our dependence on our Heavenly Father, to ask Him to help us to have more understanding and patience with each other, when we do that, we're calling on the author of family life to strengthen and unify our families. And that's as necessary to the family spirit as eating is to the bodies of those in it. I don't mean to preach, but it's always worked out in our home. For Kathleen, for June, and for myself, and I think it'll work in yours. For family troubles, family prayer. Try it and I think you'll understand what we mean when we say the family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. From Hollywood, Family Theater has brought you Gene Lockhart, Kathleen Lockhart, Stephen Dunn, and Susan Morrow in The Professor Was Achieve. Others in the cast were Paul Maxey, Martha Shaw, and Billy Buckham. The script was written by Robert Hugh O'Sullivan, with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman, and was directed for Family Theater by Joseph F. Mansfield. This series of Family Theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program, by the mutual network which responds to this need, and by the hundreds of stars of stage, screen, and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear in our Family Theater stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is Tony LaFranco expressing the wish of Family Theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to join us next week at the same time when Family Theater will present Marino Sullivan and James Gleason in The Kid from Scratch Gravel. Join us, won't you? Throughout the world and originates in the Hollywood studios of the world's largest network. This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.