 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic proof He's emotionally interested in you the five signs We're gonna share that in a moment really quickly if you're brand new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I could be seen in the youtube algorithms really quickly my coach is what I call heart centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart and occasionally I use Explosives to enhance a sentence so if an f-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea I suggest logging off right now Lastly these are my thoughts my perceptions my opinions by no means do I suggest this is the truth You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a contrarian So I oftentimes go against the grain of the advice you might be hearing out there So you have to decide if this feels true for you. All right, let's talk about the proof It'd be is emotionally interested in you emotionally intimate with you all that good stuff All right ladies I am quite aware that from a woman's perspective it can feel very Confusing to understand male behavior. I'm repeat that can be very confusing to understand male behavior In fact oftentimes men give mixed signals a lot of times they they operate one way and they do something else and while that's true For men, I'll say it's true for women as well human beings can oftentimes be incredibly Dysfunctional in the way they operate in the world. So this is this is the reality We're dealing with here today And so I'm gonna lean into a conversation today to help you gain some clarity because I Recognize that many of you get confused because men often because men were taught to be the hunters to be the chasers in the Relationship process and since they're oftentimes hunting and chasing sex. They're leading very demonstrably very effusively very much, you know coming on strong that it might give the impression that they want a serious relationship I'm repeat that might give the Impression that they want to serious relationship. In fact, even their own words might say that they want a serious Relationship how many of you have been in the dating process you talk to a guy and you say I'm looking for a relationship And he says I'm looking for a relationship, too And you date him for a few weeks a few months whatever it is and all of a sudden it seems like he Switches he turns around and says I'm not looking for anything serious Well, this often is a result of Miscommunication between men and women because what you might perceive a relationship Let's just say you perceive a relationship here He perceives the relationship here that mismatch that space in between that's called drama Drama drama because you have set your standard of your expectation here and in his mind his Expect let me reframe that it's not an expectation Your reality of a relationship is here His reality of a relationship here and that space in between Oftentimes is drama because whenever we have an expect an unmet Expectation and especially when we're in a romantic relationship We oftentimes point the finger at our partner for not filling that void Repeat that we point the finger at our partner not filling the void instead of really recognizing that the Perception of what you think a relationship is might be quite different than the way he thinks a relationship is So we've just set the stage on why men are confusing and why this can be very Challenging so I'm gonna lean into the conversation of how to determine If he's you know to give you some proof that he is capable of emotional maturity that he's Emotional intimacy and give me one second to explain. I just have to do something really quickly Intimacy what is intimacy? intimacy means into me you see For a healthy relationship to thrive It's very important for two people to be able to be Vulnerable authentic and transparent with one another let me repeat that vulnerable and authentic and transparent with one another and True intimacy is that capacity to be able to share Your deepest darkest fears Insecurities what keeps you up at night knowing that it's a safe place to speak to this person And I want to give you some context here. I want you to think about Your own individual best friend, I'm gonna assume that we you have a best friend out there I have a best friend I have several very dear close friends in my life and Many of these close friends in my life are people that I can share my deepest darkest Truths with them knowing that I won't be judged Oftentimes I reach out to them to get feedback to help me in my life So I don't feel fear in speaking my truth and one of the fundamentals of what love does in Relationship or what I say what love would do is be able to speak your truth in Relationship from a kind perspective and if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway There's a link below to get all my recommended books chapter 1 speak your truth with kindness Here's what I've witnessed with from so many women is that you feel fear to speak your truth in relationship and men Equally fear-speaking truth because what's missing in many of the relationships is a real deep Routed friendship What I mean by friendship. I mean that that ability to share your your your your fears your doubts your insecurities with someone knowing it feels safe and so many Relationships are missing this fundamental piece. It's not about communication. It's about genuine friendship. That's missing in the relationship Here's the thing if you're in relationship with an emotionally immature person Maybe they're selfish. Maybe they're impetuous. Maybe they're quick to judge Maybe they're in victim consciousness, whatever it is. Maybe their actions don't consistently match their words It's going to be very difficult to know if he's capable of emotional intimacy and Today, I'm going to give you the five signs to determine Giving you the proof that he's capable of that emotional intimacy that he's capable of leaning into Into me you see into me you see I Have a podcast called the what would love to podcast and it's all centered around the idea of what would love do and how Would love respond and that's how I invite you all to lean into this conversation today and to recognize that when I'm about to Share with you is what people who genuinely love each other operate from this premise. So this so I'm going to put on my trusty glasses And I'm going to share my notes here with you Proof he feels emotional intimacy when he's with you those five signs and let me just say this This is true for women as well as men I repeat that this is true for women as well as men So one of the signs that you know He's capable of emotional intimacy is that his actions Consistently match his words his actions consistently match his words in other words when when you're You know when he says he's going to do something He follows through with it when he says hey, let's get together next weekend He doesn't at the last minute flake out on you saying I'm going to go play golf with my buddies He's consistent with his words and while that listen We all there's going to be things that come up in life often times our children take priority often times our work priority It's the consistently That the actions match words and when you're with a man who who base who does Live up to his word on a regular basis, especially when it comes to making plans with you spending time with you You know following through with that commitment that you you know, you should go to vacation together That's a great sign and prove that he's emotionally Intimate with you and invested in you Okay, number two he operates from a place of victor consciousness and not victim consciousness, okay Unfortunately here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness We are a rather dysfunctional band of human beings here in the United States In fact, if you haven't seen my most recent emotional maturity relationship skills chart I'm going to show this to you by the way I just want to point out at the bottom. This is not a fact. This is merely my opinion But I I roughly believe that 20% of the plot population have clinical clinical emotional issues going on in their life I mean, they are absolutely clinical and then roughly about 20% of the population This is true of men and white are rather healthy with their emotional maturity and relationship skills and most everybody in between That's 60% is dysfunctional is dysfunctional because the vast majority of people have Didn't done little to heal their childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life With often time leads to victim consciousness and not victor consciousness And as I said before we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness here in the United States Okay, so he operates from a place of victor He's not pointing the finger and he's taking personal responsibility for his choices And by the way when I say he I mean men and women take personal responsibility for their choices when two people Can take personal responsibility for those choices. That's a great sign of emotional maturity and a good example of this Would be when someone talks about their past relationship and they throw their previous partner under the bus as they're being the problem in Relationship I know as a single man dating. I've talked to women and almost every woman. I've ever dated It's always the man's fault why the relationship ended and I've spoken to men and every single one says it's the woman's fault a True healthy person takes ownership and says I was partially Responsible for the ending a relationship and that's a great sign of victor consciousness and not a victim I'm a victim. I'm a victim and listen unless you have to call a doctor a policeman or an attorney Everything else is consciousness in my book anyway all right number three an Emotionally mature person who seeks that proof of intimacy. He knows how to fight fair fight fair and fighting fair simply means You listen to the other when you're gonna have a disagreement and everybody folks We're all gonna have disagreements in relationship. It's natural to have disagreements in relationship Here's the thing fighting fair means you listen Listen to the other person's point of view You accept that person's point of view as being true for them you listen to their point of view and They do the same for you because when two rational people have a disagreement It's about sharing point of view and accepting the other person's point of view is being true for them Unfortunately, I'm most emotionally unhealthy people operate from a place of I've got to be right. I've got to be right So when there's a different disagreement, it's you're wrong. I'm right that is a sign That's not the proof you need when you want to be genuinely intimate with someone you want to be with someone Who's going to listen to your point of view and accept it for being true for you now? That doesn't mean you can't agree to disagree It merely states that they accept your point of view is being true for you That's what a grown-up person does in a relationship That if you really want to lean into a grown-up being a relationship I highly suggest reading the book how to be an adult in relationship how to be an adult in relationship sadly most Most human beings men and women like are operating like children. They're operating from that impetuous It's about me me me me and ladies just because you give more in relationship Doesn't make you any more healthier to be in a relationship giving more than somebody else does that drama is on you Not on them You know, I'm a believer of a relationship being a two-lane street You equally invest in each other throughout the entire relationship and sure there's going to be times when you're Investing more because of maybe someone is look at someone sick and they're in their bed You're going to take care of them. That means you're giving more and hopefully they do the same for you It's a balanced relationship in effort So number three learning how to fight fair number four Empathy empathy now empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy means You care about the other person's feelings and to take it at a level step further It's you care about your own feelings as I said before in a month in my book What the heck is self-love anyway look at one of the fundamental principles of loving yourself and being in a healthy happy Relationship is to be able to put the oxygen mask on yourself first Just like when the flight attendant says in the case of cavern pressure change If if you're traveling with small children put the mask on first empathy starts with oneself It's not that you can just feel the other person's feelings It starts by caring about your own feelings and then caring about the other person's feelings and maybe even being able to feel Their feelings that is genuine empathy and when a man or woman operates from empathy They're in a much better position to be intimate with their partner And I don't mean intimate the penis in the vagina intimate. I'm talking about into me you see Into me you see intimacy and Lastly number five is transparency as I said earlier vulnerable authentic and transparent if it's material to the relationship Then it's highly important that two people discuss the material things that are material to the relationship and to be transparent So when you've been with men who have been very stoic and unable to share what's going on Especially if it's it can affect you That's not a healthy human being. That's a dysfunctional human being. That's a selfish human being That's a myopic human being if it's material to the relationship now We all need time to process information So I don't mean you have to say it right away when it happens But when you've had time to process something if it's going to affect the relationship then genuine intimacy means you're going to be Transparent with your partner because it's important to them as much as it is important to you And I'm here to advocate deeper transparency and relationship because if people were more transparent it wouldn't be as dysfunctional out there as it is And as I've said before it is a fucking clusterfuck out there in the dating realm and look I'm your big brother I wish I could be out there with the shotgun on the first date pointing the You know pointing at the guy saying look, what are your intentions with my little sister folks? I have to encourage you to be your own Protector because I can't always be there for you and it starts by learning how to ask better questions Right from the very first date and if you need some support with that check out the link to a free discovery Call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you That's my area of expertise teaching you how to determine true compatibility How to ask the right questions based on your personality and how to vet for emotional maturity So you don't spend time with the wrong guys and again You're listen look at 20% clinical issues 80% dysfunctional If you want to have a chance at that 20% healthy What's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? I'm here to offer an alternate way for you to approach the relationship process Does that make sense? It does give me a thumbs up right now. I'd really appreciate it. All right, this would be a great place to move to our Q&A portion of this live stream and if you're listening to the audio recording I am shooting this live right now There's a chat box in the YouTube channel if you want to post a question write the word question then post the question there After that way I can find it or you can purchase a super sticker super chat This the funds from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund that I created a name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him right there and right there That's my son who passed away a few years ago in his name I've started a fund to help defray the cost of Personal development. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box So if you purchase a super sticker super chat write your question I'll get to you quickly and by the way last time we did a live stream nobody Invested in the Connor fund So I really hope some of you jump in and make an investment in the collar Connor Asley Scholarship fund because I'm going to be donating some more money To a few Extending charities and I really would appreciate your support. All right time to jump into our Q&A So I'm going to scroll through the board really quickly to see if there's anything there Actually before I do really quickly. I want to share something personal with you all y'all and That is a couple days ago. I shot a video. I shared it on just the other day Called he says he's not ready for a relationship. He says he's not ready for a relationship I did this little sign and I shared something very personal and very vulnerable about myself And I shared how I feel as though I'm experiencing what's called dating fatigue dating fatigue and what that means is It can be very exhausting Spending time trying to get to know another human being and then it not go anywhere I repeat that the dating process can be very exhausting and very fatiguing Fatiguing fatigue. Well, you know what I mean Um when you invest time and it doesn't go anywhere and when you've done this one two three or four times It can be or dozens and dozens of times It can be rather exhausting and I noticed a lot of human beings are experiencing dating fatigue I shared with you my own personal experience now a couple people said well if you're feeling dating fatigue don't date You know, I'm genuinely like to be in a fully committed relationship. I mean to the with the right person I'm gonna repeat that I want to be in a relationship with the right person And yes, I'm a little bit burnt out in the process But let me tell you something I go to the gym five days a week. I can't stand going to the gym I sometimes begrudgingly go to the gym and sometimes I start my workouts begrudgingly And yet once I get started and once I get a good sweat going once I'm into it I'm happy that I did it. Here's the thing a lot of people wrote back saying you shouldn't date if you're burnt out I'm just said I'm I'm not saying I'm burnt out. Although there is a heaviness in the world right now I'm merely here to say that it is very Frustrating it could be very fatiguing and at the same time I still want the result of a great partner in my life. So that means I have to make effort Now does that mean I'm making effort with every single person? Absolutely not No, not at all I make effort with people. I think aligned with my values whose lifestyle is blendable with mine And hopefully they have a level of emotional maturity and ladies I know how you all think men are emotionally immature Let me just tell you women are equally emotionally immature or have weak relationship skills Just because you want relationship more than men doesn't make you any better qualified at being in a relationship In fact, many women oftentimes turn into martyrs You know and not necessarily because they were great to be in relationship with and that's just a Biast I have from a you know a man here, but I can tell you it's equally dysfunctional on both genders Okay And as my coffee mug says let that shit go Let that shit go. All right. I just wanted to share that with everybody All right time to take questions from the group if you have a question post the word question and write the word Write the question there after all right And by the way for the record, I've only gone in the last six months I think I've only gone on three or four first dates So it's not like I'm doing it every day of the week a lot of talking a lot of Prequalifying via the phone, but a lot a lot of pre qualifying and a lot of no dates because I've pre qualified my prospect And that's what I teach you and that can be a little exhausting Christina says now I want some coffee I get it. All right. Are there any questions for me? Okay, go girl go go to girl says question Should I start all communication as texting calling when I when I do through they answer right back? Um, I don't understand your question. Go to girl Should I start should I start all the communication as in texting calling etc when they when I do though They answer right back. I'm a believer. I think what I think what you're asking is should you initiate conversations? I'm a big believer that men initiate conversations and women initiate conversations I like to think of it like a good ping pong game. You make effort. They make effort. They make effort You say you make effort you make effort. They make effort. Do you get it? It's like a ping pong game If you're constantly making all the effort That's not a good sign If they're constantly making the effort, that's not a good sign Human beings should mutually make effort in the initiation of communication. That's the way I view it and that's the way I suggest it for you. So great question there. Thank you so much All right, let's go swimming. Oh, alexandra. Thank you so much for the two dollar super sticker big hugs to you alexandra I really appreciate it lianna says Anything worth having is worth putting in the effort. I agree way to go Marie says question How many chances should you give your partner whose actions don't match their words sending you a big hug and kiss? So, thank you so much. Um You know, that's a tough one because it's not based on a number It's based on consistency and it depends on you know, look at we all have lives that may cause us to be You know, not consistent with our words. Okay But I'm thinking the ratio should be no more, you know For every eight times you're consistent, you know, maybe two times you're not consistent out of 10 Okay, but if it's two times out of 10, you're consistent. That's a time to say go fuck off, buddy I'm sorry. I'm being blunt, but I cannot stand inconsistent people my my younger brother is one of those guys who are always late and finally I just go look If you if you're going to be late coming to my home I'm not going to be here when you get here and I love my brother with all my heart But he has a he used to be very late now because I set a boundary He's not late anymore. I have another friend. That's the same way And I set a boundary and they're not late anymore Setting boundaries simply says what's okay and what's not okay for you so set a boundary and if they're not able to Meet you with that boundary then maybe they're just not aligned to who you are and what you want Because you're not aligned to who they are and what they want and what they want is inconsistency and what I think you want Is consistency so I'm here to say set a boundary Again, if it's if it's two out of ten times It's not a big deal if it's eight out of ten times They're inconsistent set a boundary or tell them, you know, take this job and shove it motherfucker I'm sorry. Sometimes you have to tell people to fuck off You know, I once had a woman tell them she told me to fuck off And that was the greatest gift she ever gave me because it was a wake-up call That I needed a a big kick in the head I'm here to say Ladies, it's time to tell men to fuck off when their behavior is erratic and not from a listen They might think by the way, they're gonna think you're crazy They're gonna think you're psycho. They're gonna think you're bipolar. They're gonna think you're borderline But sometimes you just got to tell people to fuck off and I know that might not sound like what love would do or how love would respond Yes, it is Sometimes people need a kick in the ass. You know when I was look at here in the united states We are a Snowflake society here when I was grown up There was corporal punishment when you did things wrong nowadays Children can walk all over their parents because the parents are afraid that they you know, we'll call the police on them You know what we need a little bit more tough love Instead of this Let's just be protective of everybody's feelings because we don't want to shame them You know and listen, I'm not a big proponent of shaming someone and at the same time Some people need a kick in the ass. It's like the book. I continually recommend Shut up stop whining and get a life. Let me repeat that shut up stop whining and get a life Sometimes people need a big fucking kick in the head And so please forgive my languaging on this one. This one. I'm very passionate about Because it's time to stop screwing around Set your boundary set your standard Express your boundary Sometimes give them a kick in the balls not literally figuratively. I mean and you know Then take your chances on what's you know, if they're really somebody you want in your life or not Is that okay with you? I hope that answers your question Who was that that answered that question? Thank marie. Thank you so much for that question I really appreciate can I give you a big gigantic jotham bear hug of appreciation. Thank you so much All right Question from susan. What do you do when a guy always wants you to apologize? What do you want to do? So why are you? I don't even understand What kind of man asks a question like that? I really don't I don't understand why a man would even Want you to continually apologize. Now if you're Listen healthy communication. I really want to recommend this book right now Nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg nonviolent communication by marshal rozenberg You know if couples would read this book together Read this book together. They'd have a greater chance of relationship success along with and i'm going to do my little disclaimer Ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina Read the book eight dates to determine if you're on the same page if you want a relationship together Listen, I just got the phone with the woman who's in a six month relationship I go and she's not even sure if they're in a committed relationship because she went in casual And now she's left with the aftermath because he he's his standard. Listen ladies I'm going to shoot a video on this Men will rise to your lowest standard. So let me just say that this is your standard Men will rise to your lowest standard if your standards are low. That's as far as they'll go Let me repeat that men will only rise to your lowest standard So set your standard high now you have to be careful setting expectations to how I might get you in trouble But set your standards. What's your standard? Let me share with you my standard I'm looking for a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life Uh intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married That's my standard Know your standard if you need some help schedule a discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise by the way There's a link below in the description Stop setting your standards so low Especially when it comes to are we in a committed relationship? Ladies before the penis goes in the vagina talk about this shit That's my invitation for you. All right. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Elaine says I love the playing ping-pong Exactly. Thank you so much Declan's world question I've been having a great relationship with a man for over a year But I'm so scared to have a talk with him for fear. I'll mess things up. How can I approach it without pressure? Great question. Declan now coming back to my book. What the heck is self love anyway chapter nine? Let's go to chapter nine read it If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing Speak from your heart speak from your heart What is it you want to say? sweetheart I recognize that I in this relationship. I want something more substantial in this relationship To you know before I continue to invest anymore And I'd like us to have a serious discussion on where we both see this relationship going to see if we're on the same page I'd like to have a conversation It can be as simple as that Declan's world Just come from your heart because you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy Great question. Thank you so much All right Folks, I want to be candid with you. My back is acting up again a little bit And I'm probably going to wrap up this live stream a little bit early Um So I'm just going to be on for another minute or two just as a reminder If you want to invest in the Collins or Connor scholarship fund purchase a super stick or super chat I'd really appreciate that. I'm going to take a few more questions right now. Jen says question What did you learn from the course of miracles and would you consider doing a video on that? What did you learn from the course of miracles? Great question. So what I think I learned most Was the understanding about the unhealthy ego And how it has to rationalize and try to create meaning out of everything Let me repeat that the unhealthy ego rationalizes and tries to create meaning out of everything. Okay I'm going to stand up here for today um, and now here's the thing folks Sometimes we don't feel Something like well, let me use a dating example Okay, I was communicating with a woman and for whatever reason I didn't want to go on a second date with her I couldn't I didn't have a reason behind it. I just didn't feel like doing it The ego will have to sometimes come up with a reason So some of the reasons are she lives too far away. Some of the reasons are she was too tall Some of the reasons she's too short. Some of the reasons is she had this going on in her face or something I don't know. I'm making up shit right now The unhealthy ego has to create meaning in your life You don't need to have meaning for everything. Sometimes it's simply I just don't feel it and that's one of the fundamental things I learned from the course of miracles Chapter one of course of miracles Everything has no meaning The ego creates meaning out of things So it helps rationalize rationalize Our choices let me repeat that rationalize our choices and that's one of the fundamental things I learned from the course of miracles I did it every day for three solid years In a study group and I recommend doing it with a study group But i'm not going to shoot a video on it because that's way too complicated to even remotely touch on it Marianne listen read the book if you want to get a course of miracles in a condensed version Read the book return to love by Marianne Williamson return to love by Marianne Williamson This is the course of miracles condensed. I have the cd version, but I suggest getting the book All right. Great question there, uh, jen. Thank you so much all right Cas says how important do you think is sexual chemistry in a relationship? um, okay, so let's go to jonathan's relationship iceberg Ha ha ha Okay above the waterline attraction you can see the word chemistry Below the waterline Compatibility shared values blendable lifestyle and emotional maturity should it be blendable lifestyles or lifestyle? Okay, it should be life. You know, we got to add an s there We've got to add the s there. It's actually lifestyles so Blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Can you see how much bigger it is? Chemistry is important, but you're not going to be fucking every day of the week But you better make sure you have the same values A lifestyles are blendable and especially that emotional maturity because that's what fucks up a relationship More often than not it's not the sexual chemistry and at the same time Uh, what a bonus it is to have to be able to fuck and really have great sex with someone I know you all want to say making love and believe me. I say making love too. I don't say fuck to a woman But the bottom line is we're fucking So I say it the way I call it, okay And yes, it's very important to have good sexual chemistry with one another at least I believe While I still can get a heart on in my life And there's still blue pills out there. I'm gonna want that sexual chemistry along with everything else All right, this is going to be the last question of the day Christine Would you list all the books and authors not all the links show up in the link? Thank you. I appreciate the information I will update the jonathan recommends Um shortly and then you jonathan recommends books is in the description below. I'll uh upgrade. I'll um Update that shortly to add many of the new books that I talk about All right, everybody, you know what I'm gonna wrap up today. I didn't want to do a very long Livestream today. I just want to say to you. I hope you found value in the proof He feels emotional intimacy with you Well, when he's with you these five signs just a reminder his actions consistently match his words He has victor not victim consciousness. He knows how to fight fair He is has empathy both for himself and for you and lastly there's transparency if it's material to the relationship He'll be transparent Folks, I want to thank you so much If you enjoyed this livestream hit that like button really quickly If you found value in this, please share it with your friends if you'd like to schedule a discovery call schedule it here And if you'd like to join my group called midlife love mastery There's a link below this group allows you to have direct access to me on a regular basis Where you can ask me questions and I shoot personalized videos just for you So if you'd like to connect with me and for me to shoot videos for you go to my group called midlife love mastery in the description below I want to thank you so much for allowing me into your life today Please share my youtube channel with your friends We're going to wrap up today as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic shot the mark of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye now. Bye. Bye linda. Bye elaine. Bye yasmin. Bye kitty cat. Bye y'all Thanks everyone purchase a super sticker before you wrap up Thank you