 وَأَقُولُوا فِي القُرْآنِ مَا جَاءَتْ بِهِ اَيَاتُوهُ فَهُوَ الْكَارِيمُ الْمُنزَالُوَ وَأَقُولُوا قَالَ اللَّهُ جَلَّ جَلَالُوهُ وَالْمُصْطَافَ الْهَاديِ وَلَا أَتْ أَوَّالُوَ الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نحن نتحدث عن الموضوع والموضوع ونحن نقول أنه مهم لتحدث عنه because there are so many actions which are haram that take place at the time of divorce, at the time of marital discord which ruin families and cause serious problems for people and if people knew the etiquettes of divorce according to the Qur'an and the Sunnah then many times they would be able to save their marriages by the permission of Allah as Zawajan to give an example عبد الله ابن عمر رضي الله عنهما is reported أنه طلق امرأته وهي حائط على اهتي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم that he divorced his wife when she was on her menses during the time of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم فسأل عمر ابن الخطاب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم عن ذلك فقار رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم مره فل يراجعها عمر عمر ابن عمر عمر رضي الله عنه he asked the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم about his son Abdullah had done that the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم said command him to take her back ثم يمسكها حتى تطور then let him keep her as a wife until she becomes pure from the menses ثم تحيط and then she has her menses again ثم تطور and then she becomes pure again ثم انشاء امسك بعد then if you want you can keep her again after that وانشاء قلق قبل أن يمس and if he wishes فتلك العدة التي امر الله أن تطلق لها النساء this is the عدة that Allah commanded for women to be divorced in this way so this is an example of something that happened to Abdullah ibn Umar and it's an example of exactly the principle that we said in the sense that the woman she can only be divorced in a time of purity when there has not been as the Prophet ﷺ said قبل أن يمس before he is intimate with her before he goes to her in that way before he touches her in that way so there's no intimacy the menses is finished at that time he can issue the divorce and the divorce it lasts for the three menstrual periods at that time if he wants to take her back he can take her back if he wants to let her go he can let her go and if he lets her go and the three menstrual periods finishes that means the marriage is over but they can get back together with a new marriage contract without her needing to marry anybody else because here it's just one divorce and that one divorce is not counted once it's finished and it's gone the marriage is dissolved a new marriage contract can be done but obviously it has to be with her consent his consent and the consent of the welly as well so it's not an easy thing but it could potentially happen after that and it's not counted under the three divorce rule that people speak about so frequently in the religion of Islam الله عز وجل said طلاق is two times meaning the process of divorcing and bringing back can happen twice when it happens the third time that's it so this again we said the man divorces his wife brings her back inside of the إده then he divorces her another time it could be after a year, two years, three years, four years divorce another time and brings her back again so two divorces and two times he brought her back before the إده finished now when it comes to the third time he has a choice فأمساكم بمعروف either keep her in good or just let her go in the best possible way but he's not allowed to bring her back again the third time if he lets her go the third time he can't bring her back the third time and after that she's not allowed to marry anyone as الله عز وجل said that if he divorces her after that one time he brought her back another time he brought her back the third time then he cannot marry her again until she has married and been intimate with another husband with another husband and that kind of summarizes the rules of divorce as we said I don't really want to get into lots of detail about things like the divorce before the marriage is completed or the divorce of the one that she hasn't been alone with her husband or the divorce with the مهارة without the مهارة and things like that we just want to talk about divorce as a general concept so people understand the basic etiquettes of it and we want to avoid people getting into these habits that we've spoken about like these habits that we've seen of people divorcing and then looking for the quick way out which scholar will give me a فتوة that my divorce didn't count someone says I divorce my wife 20 times but the first time I was angry the second time I was insane the third time I didn't know what I was doing and all of this kind of running around and escaping trying to get their way out of the problems they got themselves into let divorce be the absolute last resort look at all the steps Allah said all of the steps that we spoke about والصلح خير let them make peace between let them send someone from his family someone from her family their admonishment their leaving all the things that Allah has spoken about let طلاق be something that is the back last last option and let it be an option that the man takes his time to think about he doesn't rush to give it he doesn't give it anger he doesn't give it and then run around trying to find a فتوة how we can get himself out of the situation that he got himself into but instead he takes it seriously and he takes it slowly and he doesn't issue those words and say those words until he's truly given it thought and if he decides to bring his wife back he brings her in good and he treats her as a wife معلقان not leaving her neither married nor divorced and if he lets her go he lets her go with إحسان in the best possible way so now we come to the issue of the خلع and the خلع is the right of a woman to break up the marriage and since the marriage was entered into by the man and it was entered into by the woman then it can be broken on the side of the man it can also be broken on the side of the woman from the side of the woman but it's in a different it's in a different a different way so the process of the خلع is different from the process of the طلاق the word خلع لنوستيكلي it means الإزالة it means to get rid of something to remove something and to have it cancelled out and when it's mentioned with the when it's mentioned with the ضمة الخلع then it refers to particularly the cancelling of the marriage contract from the point of view of the wife the wife cancelling the marriage contract so it is a parting between the husband and wife in a specific way على عيوالدين يود فعول الرجل in return for something which is given back to the man and this is the important thing that we have here that in the خلع one of the major differences between the خلع is what they call خلع is they sometimes refer it as طلاق بيعوالد it is a divorce in return for something a divorce in return for something which is given back to the man some sort of wealth that is given back to the man sometimes they call it a female instigated divorce and sometimes they just refer to it but what it is is it is a divorce that takes place in return for something that is given to the man and typically that is to give back the مهر or some of the مهر back to the man this is alluded to in the statement of الله عز وجل اطلاق مرة فامساكم بمعروف يخاف أن لا يقيم حدود الله فإن خفتم أن لا يقيم حدود الله فلا جناح عليه ما في مفتدت به تلك حدود الله فلا تعتدوها ومن يتعد حدود الله فأولائك هم الظالمون الله عز وجل alludes to this process in this particular that it's not permissible for you to take anything that you have given them I've given your wife back unless the two of you fear you will not stick to the limits of Allah so if you fear you will not stick to the limits of Allah there is no harm between the two of you in what you agree to be paid back what you agree to be paid back to the man the man agrees to be paid back to him and this is what they call طلاق بيعوض it is a divorce where the man is paid back something and that is what they call the divorce from the side of from the point of view of the woman or from the side or the angle of the woman and this is reported in the Sunnah of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم from the hadith of Abdullah ibn Abbas رضي الله عنهما that he said امرأة ثابت ابني قيس ابني شماس رضي الله عنهما إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقالت the wife of Thabit ibn Qais ابن شماس may Allah be pleased with them both she came to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and she said يا رسول الله home messenger of Allah ما انقموا على ثابت في دين ولا خلق إلا أني أخاف الكفر she said I'm not blaming Thabit in his religion and I'm not blaming his character but I fear in gratitude I'm scared that I'm in other words this is look at her the excellence of her behavior because she said I'm not she was so honest she said I'm not blaming him for his religion I'm not saying he's a irreligious man or an unreligious man I'm not saying that he's got bad character but I don't feel that I can continue to uphold the responsibilities the obligations of a wife and I'm frightened that I'm going to start to be ungrateful towards him she came to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم so this tells us that it has to be conducted and it has to be overseen by the judge or the one who is in the position of the judge when she came to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم she said I'm not blaming him in his religion I'm not blaming him in his manners but I'm scared of in gratitude فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم he said فتردين عليه حديقته are you willing to give him back his garden either he had given to you فقالت نعم فردت عليه she said yes I am willing so it was given back to him وأمره فثارقها and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم commanded him and the marriage it was broken up between them the marriage between them it was dissolved and that's according to the راجح the correct opinion among the scholars that's what actually happens in the خلق it's not actually a طلاق it is a it is more of a فسخ the marriage is actually dissolved the marriage is dissolved and it's not it's not the case that the marriage is it's not the rules of the divorce don't apply rather the woman she gives back to her husband something from what he gave she gives back the مهارة she gives back something what the judge commands her to give and the man in return for that he breaks up the marriage in a different way to the طلاق one month so it's not like the طلاق and it doesn't have the same rules of the man can't return back when the خلق has been issued the man can't return it back he doesn't have the right of الرجع the right to bring his wife back again because that خلق once it has been issued the marriage is over and the marriage is finished but she waits for one month ادر period and that's to make the transition easy because if she's to leave on the day that presents difficulty for her and for him rather she has that one month of ادر but he doesn't have the right to bring her back during that ادر period now there's this issue of the خلق the next question comes then well what will happen if the خلق takes place what will happen if they want to marry again yes they can marry again with a new marriage contract but once again when we said about the new marriage contract it requires a number of things and it requires obviously consent from the husband consent from the wife consent from the welly of the wife so the matter is not an easy one and it's one in which it may not be easy for them to get back together but the option does exist and it's not counted if there's a new خلق contract then the numbers start again from zero the count starts again from zero so briefly we have covered the rulings relating to طلاق and the rulings relating to the خلق the divorce from the side of the man the divorce from the side of the woman there is a third kind which is sometimes mentioned which is الفسخ which is and in a way خلق is a kind of an example of it but it's where the judge dissolves the marriage maybe for example the husband has disappeared or something like that and the judge dissolves the marriage but really that doesn't really come under our discussion in this مسلم family series because the reason we mention this is as we said so this whole course I mean we've spoken so far about the concept of the family then we spoke about marriage and the concept of marriage we spoke about the rights of the husband the rights of the wife we spoke about the shared rights the individual rights and we spoke about what happens when the marriage breaks down and some basic principles for dealing with that and finally we spoke about divorce and from the point of view of the man and the point of view of the woman and as we said it's not a matter of encouraging people to get divorced that's not at all what we want to do and divorce is something which is disliked by Allah if it isn't for a good reason but for people to be aware of what divorce is from the man side and the woman side is very important because it protects them from things that might ruin their family in a permanent way like we've seen some men who give the divorce three times in one go and then they go looking for fatah to get themselves out of the situation they're in and maybe they don't see their kids again and everything gets broken up because they just got angry one day and they ruin things for themselves and then the situation becomes difficult because some of the scholars tell them it's countered some tells them it's not and they put themselves into trouble as for the woman side as it relates to the khula then the woman her responsibility is not to seek the khula just like that for no reason and the judge has every right on the topic of the khula to ask the couple to go through counseling before giving the khula he has every right to say to the woman I'm not going to give you the khula until I look at the issue and whether you need counseling and so on and until he might say if there is a judge or a judge or a judge I'll send a person to negotiate for her and a person to negotiate for him we've seen all the safeguards that exist within marriage so ultimately this kind of brings us to the end of the topic of marriage but not the end of the topic of the Muslim family we're now going to go on to look at the or one of the the major fruits of marriage which is children having children we're going to look at the relationship of children with parents and the relationship of parents with children the issues of the rights of the parents the rights of the child and how those dynamics work together but in this short course we've hoped we've tried to bring you Insha'Allah as much information as possible about the husband and wife because as we said that's how the Muslim family started started with Adam and Hawwah and then Allah sent out from them رجال كثير and many men and many women came out from them the entire of many Adam came out from Adam and Hawwah which is the start of the Muslim family after that Adam and Hawwah had children and that is where we're going to go to next the issue of the children the issue of the parents the rights of the parents the rights of the children how to educate your children the responsibilities in terms of Islamic education in terms of worldly education all of these issues Insha'Allah we're going to cover in this kind of if you like second part or second segment of this short course brought to you by after that we're then going to go on to look at some of the other issues in a shorter part Insha'Allah at the relatives things like maybe siblings and the wider relatives and what their rights and obligations are but definitely a big chunk of the course now coming up is going to be on the topic of parents and children and we're just taking that like in the same chronological order that the beginning of the Muslim family was Adam Hawwah then they had children so we talked about husband and wife and now we're going to talk about children and we're going to talk from both angles and the rights of the parents together so we're going to look at what responsibilities do parents have towards children and what responsibilities do children have towards parents and we'll still look at that in terms of marriage as well like when marriage gets involved what are the children's responsibilities towards the parents the wife's responsibilities towards her parents after she gets married all of this Insha'Allah we're going to cover on the topic Insha'Allah now one thing I would like to do before we conclude and I think this is important is to recommend on the topic of marriage if I were to recommend some books in English on the topic of marriage what would I recommend and I usually recommend this series of four books because they are absolutely amazing and indeed I was careful to read through these books or at least to read at least one of them before we did this course because of the benefit that these books contain and that is the marriage series by Sheikh Mohammed Al-Jibali and this is a beautiful series of four books on the qualities of the spouses on marital intimacy on the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife and then the issue of children it's a series of four books and I often give it as a gift to people who get married I think it's a must read for everyone who is married or is thinking of getting married that they should read these four books because really they have in them every or a large number of the Ahadith and the ayat that relate to marriage and the benefits that can be taken from them so that's something I would definitely recommend people to go to to get more information about the rights of the husband and some of the etiquettes of the husband and the wife living together that maybe we didn't cover in as much detail in this course but it's only a short course and we've tried to cover as much as we can but there's still going to be things that we left out that's all we have time for in this episode Insha'Allah and in the next episode as we said we're starting a whole new segment on the topic of parents and children children and parents and then later on to go on to the members and their rights as well that's what Allah made easy for me to mention and Allah is the best والصلاة والسلام على نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبيه بجمعي السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com