 Hi, she was seven, I know it's been a while and I've been busy, but I'm back. Okay, so today's video is probably gonna be a little bit controversial because there are so many people who feel a certain way about certain things, okay? So this is not, you know, to be offensive to anyone or it's not to hurt any feelings, but it's just something that needs to be talked about, okay? So, and I apologize in advance if anyone gets offended. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I'm just going to tell you how I see things, how guys are seeing things and the reality of the situation from the outside, okay? So ladies, a lot of guys are telling me they don't like dating women with children because, you know, if they were, you know, careful enough to not get any women pregnant and to not have their own children, they kind of want the same thing from their partner. They don't want to have to deal with kids from other guys or in the relationship period before, let's say if they choose to marry you, okay? They don't want to have to, you know, accept your child or your kids along with you, okay? They met you, they like you and they're going to spend time with you, but a lot of women say, well, I need you to like my kids, I need you to spend time with me and my kids, I need this, this, this and that, and that's perfectly understandable because I have two kids of my own and I would say, you know, if I was in the same situation, a single parent, if I was a single parent and trying to date, I would be highly upset too if a man did not want to get to know my kids but just wanted to see me only and never meet my kids. I would be a little offended, but I then have to realize that, you know, he didn't sign up for that, those aren't his kids and those shouldn't be his responsibility, you know? There are good men out there who will, you know, treat your kids good and who will also, you know, include them in stuff. They might have kids of their own, but there's also other good men out there who want their own children, want to wait for the perfect person to have children with, you know, they prioritize their life in a certain way in a certain order so that they can become successful and do things in a way as to which will build their success, you know? And part of that is waiting to have children with the woman you marry, okay? So you can't be mad at guys who won't date you because of your kids. Because that's their choice, okay? I know when I was single, I did not like dating guys with children because they were always, you know, drama with a baby mama. It was just, you know, sometimes plans would change at the last minute because of a child. And, you know, when I was single, I didn't have kids and I was like, you know what? I can't do that, you know? I need someone with no kids or kids that are grown, you know? When you, there's a different story. If you're dating kids that are grown or halfway grown or can take care of themselves and don't need attention, that's a different story, you know? But when you have young kids, chances are the father or, you know, whoever is still sort of in your life and in the kid's life. And if not, then, you know, the other guy has to kind of pick up the slack. And a lot of guys are saying that if you, you know, you should choose more carefully who you have children with. You can't change a man by putting a child on him, okay? A lot of women think this is gonna make the relationship go to the next level. When in reality, it kind of pushes the guy back because, first of all, you know, it's probably unplanned and he can leave any moment. You don't have any papers on him if you're married. So, you know, the best you could do is chase him down for child support. And if he doesn't have a really good job, you're not gonna get that much money anyway. So you kind of like destroying three lives at the same time when you choose to do something like, you know, not be responsible and get pregnant when you're in a relationship with someone you know it's not good father material or good husband material, don't have their stuff together and all that kind of stuff. So stop doing that because it's not getting, you know, people as a whole anywhere. Make a list of priorities, you know. If you sleep with someone who's not worthy of being a father or a husband, make sure you're on birth control. Make sure you have protection. Make sure that you got at least two methods of protection because, you know, when it comes down to it, and especially if they have a trail of kids that they leave behind, you're not gonna be any special. I mean, you're not gonna be any different, okay? So don't fall for the Okie Doke. I know I get lots of women who come to me saying, oh, I'm pregnant, he left me, now I want him back, but he won't come back, he's moved on. Yes, that's what they do. Don't think because you say I love you and that you get pregnant that that man's gonna commit to you if he hasn't even put a ring on your finger, okay? And a lot of guys, they feel like it's so easy to leave because y'all aren't gonna do anything. Like a lot of women don't file child support in hopes that the guy will come back. And they really never do unless they're homeless. But y'all need to stop, like women seriously need to stop sleeping with losers. If you're sleeping with somebody, make sure they have money if you're gonna sleep unprotected. At least if you get pregnant, you got a paycheck coming in and you don't have to work, okay? Don't sleep with guys unprotected who are broke and not about anything because that's how your life's gonna be. And I'm not saying to go out and do this, but if you're gonna do that, if you're gonna slip up and get pregnant, make sure it's by somebody who can do something for you in that child, okay? I'm just saying that. And guys, when you're trying to date, this is the other half of the story, when you're trying to date women and you got a trail of baby mamas and a trail of kids by different women, don't expect her to see you as a good man. And don't expect her to see you as someone who is upstanding. They're basically probably a lot dealing with you because they don't have good self-esteem, okay? And if you do the same thing to this woman, you're just adding a list behind you and it's very unattractive and it's just not something that you want to have as a status symbol, a trail of unwanted abandoned children, okay? That's not cool. And this is probably mostly a problem in the black community, y'all, because y'all know the stereotypical baby daddy and the stereotypical baby mama is because their priorities are out of order. You don't sleep with a man unprotected unless he has money or a ring on your finger and married, okay? That's the right order, okay? Don't do it just because you think you're gonna trap him. You can't trap someone and that doesn't want you. Okay, babies don't trap anymore. They trap you, not the man, okay? You're more trapped because now you can't move on to something better or if you do, it's gonna take you longer, you know? And you're gonna have to make lots of sacrifices, overlook many things that you wouldn't have to do without a child, okay? There are guys that actually target women with kids that are really pretty and have it going on because they know nobody else is gonna deal with them. So they say, oh, I can get her. She's like a 10, but she has kids, so I can normally never get a 10 because they want too much out of me. But if I accept her and all her kids, then I get to have a 10, blah, blah, blah, blah. A lot of men will look at women like that or they'll say, oh, she was a 10 until I found out she has kids. Now she's like more of an eight. So your rating goes down and this is the sad reality of it. So, you know, I would really reconsider if ladies, if you don't have any kids right now, go get on birth control. Go do something. Don't get caught up. I don't care what they say, okay? If they don't have a ring on your finger or they're not a millionaire or rich and like if you get child support, it's gonna be thousands of dollars, don't do it, okay? It's not worth it. If you're already there and it's too late, go get on birth control again because you don't need to be slipping out with nobody else in the future, okay? Unless you're married, okay? Don't do it. It's not worth it. I know all people will say, oh, all children are a blessing. That is true. All children are a blessing, but also they are a sacrifice, okay? They are a blessing, but they're also a sacrifice. And a lot of women and a lot of men are not willing to make the proper sacrifices when they bring children into the world. So then, you know, the kids turn out crazy, neglected, you know, mistreated because they weren't really wanted in the first place. They're the reason why daddy left. They're the reason why you're living and you're the lifestyle that you're living in. So a lot of times the mother will put their resentment on that child or men in general. And the same with guys, you know? A lot of men will treat women like they're second-class citizens if they're a single parent. So you gotta really think about stuff like this. And I know a lot of single ladies who have kids will go and buy a fake wedding ring on purpose just so they don't be, you know, judged. Especially if they live in a certain type of area or something like that, they have to be judged. Like you got three kids and you're standing in the grocery store line and people are looking at you and they look at your finger like, oh yeah, I know she's single black mother, typical. Someone will go and buy a fake wedding ring, put it on just so they don't have to feel judged and persecuted because they have kids by three different people, you know? And a lot of times, you know, you make one mistake, you should learn from that. You make another mistake, you should learn from that. But three mistakes, and I'm not saying children are mistakes, I'm saying three unplanned pregnancies with a man that you're not married to, that is a mistake. A lot of people start having children and they don't even consider marriage anymore, okay? That is the worst thing you can do is have a child without even considering marriage first, okay? And I know some people are like, well, what happens if you just have an accident and you just didn't plan it and you don't believe in abortion or the morning after pill or whatever, blah, blah, blah. Well, I'm not downing anyone who doesn't believe in any of that but we all do have free will and sometimes you have to make a selfish sacrifice for yourself and your life goals and how you want your life to be or sometimes you have to do what's best for your relationship at that time. And sometimes, the women will just choose to have the child hoping things will get better, hoping he will come back, hoping he will see this. But that rarely happens, you guys, it rarely happens, okay? Especially with black men because if you remember a long time ago, during slavery, black men were often, like black families were often ripped apart in slavery. Some were sold to this plantation, some were sold to that plantation. So it's in your DNA to not feel attached and easily abandon your offspring, especially with the men. So it's not something that is rampant in other races, it's just rampant in our race because we don't have standards. Women don't have standards, women will take anything. Women think, oh, well, he'll do the right thing but they are always so often wrong. So this is why you have to raise your standards, ladies. And the men will follow. You have to say no, no, no, no. You have to get on birth control. You have to be careful who you sleep with. So yes, if you want to marry up, if you want to be in high society, if you want to do better in life and start repeating the cycle of the people before you, the people around you, if you want to get out of that type of environment then choosing the right partner and choosing the right time to do things and choosing the right priorities, putting them in the right order, it's very important. You can't have all this, this, and that if you're steady messing up elsewhere, that doesn't work like that. You can't just wake up one morning and say, hey, I want to be like this. I want to marry a guy who has it going on and it's going to take care of me for the rest of my life and do this, this, and that, but I have five kids from five different men, you know? That's going to impede your chances of that type of lifestyle. It's going to make it 20 times harder to get something that easily given to the woman with no children, okay? So you have to think like that. When you sleep with a guy, ask yourself, where's he going to be in 10 years? If it's not making a bunch of money, your husband or the father of your kids, get up, okay? I'm not playing with y'all, okay? I really not. If I would have had kids by my ex-boyfriend, I would be broke, homeless on section eight, living in the projects, probably a crack whore, okay? Not that I would ever do that, but the type of guys that I dated a long time ago weren't about anything, you know? Especially when I was young. I could have gotten pregnant by them, but I stayed on birth control, y'all. My birth control was like my gum. I would just every morning, every morning, pop it, pop it no matter what. And I use condoms. So ladies, I did it for myself, okay? Because I knew where I wanted to be in 10 years and it didn't include being where they were going to be in 10 years. And I knew that. There are certain men you know it's not gonna make it in this world, not gonna change. And so you don't chance having no kids with them. Okay, sorry, I got cut off, but yeah, don't chance having kids with them, okay? Now, it's like all the women I know, all the black women I know, sorry, y'all, but all the black women I know, some of the Hispanic women I know, they all had kids before they got married, all of them. There's not one person that I personally know who didn't have a child after they were married, except for me, okay? I'm the only one. I don't know if this is a rare thing these days, but I made sure that I was married, waited at least a year after marriage to even get pregnant, okay? And I was an average person. I didn't have any like big ambitions or goals or dreams. I just wanted to do things in the correct order that would benefit me. That's all. And I was responsible. I started working when I was 15 years old. I had a car. I had a car note. In school, extracurricular activities, job, so I was very responsible. I was not gonna let anything determine from keeping my priorities in the right order so that in 10 years, I could have what I wanted. And a lot of people will even go get an education, will go to college, will graduate, but have kids in college and then they can't get the type of job that they could have gotten if they weren't a parent. They could actually do more travel. They could actually get deeper into their career. They wouldn't have to hit the glass ceiling that some single parents hit because they can't put in the extra work and hours because they have kids. And I'm not saying it can't be done. I'm just saying it's hard. I see a lot of single mothers out here struggling. My mom was a single mother and she had four kids, but she remarried and luckily she was one of those women who could get a husband quick and easy. I don't know how she did it. It was magical, I don't know. But not everyone has that look, you know? Not everyone can have that look. And the thing is, if you're already in this situation, all you can do now is focus on you and your children, getting them what they need, a better environment, love, support and education. And then, you know, when they're older and they can kind of take care of themselves and look out for themselves, then you should focus on trying to find a man. A lot of these women who are like new parents and just have a kid that's like three, four, five years old, they're out there looking for guys trying to hook up and I'm like, you're a mother, okay? You need to be focused on you and your child. You had a man, that got messed up. Now your priority should be you and that child until that child's old enough to take care of themselves. And then you can refocus on finding a man and it will be easier then. And you won't have to worry about, you know, is he gonna accept my child and this, this and that or is he a child molester or is he gonna hurt my child, is he an abuser? You don't have to worry about that because the child will be old, grown or almost grown. And then you can, you know, start your love life over. Now I'm not saying you should, you sacrifice, but don't get involved, you know, with someone who you barely know, just because you're a lonely, you don't think you'll ever get a man because you have a kid. A lot of women will lower their standards just because they have kids. And those are the ones who are always abused, taken advantage of, left with no warning. And they're just, you know, victims, you know? So don't even, don't even focus on finding a man if you have a young child. I say, if you can't make it work out with their father or if you can't find a really good, upstanding gentleman with good values, then don't even bother. Just wait until that child's old enough and then you go back and, you know, reclaim your romantic life because it's not really worth it. There's too many bad stories out there about kids being molested, raped by their stepfather, mother's boyfriend, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And y'all don't wanna take that chance and feel even worse, okay? So don't do it. The whole thing starts with being responsible, okay? Be responsible. If you don't have kids yet, please go get on birth control. I'm begging you. In your life, I swear, would be better than it probably would if you had kids out of wedlock at a young age, you know? Because we all make choices. We all have decisions to make. And that's just one easy one that can keep you from going backwards in life, you know? Or struggling in life, you know? Why struggle when you can just say, hey, I'm gonna be responsible. I'm going to make sure I don't have kids out of wedlock or with some guy I'm not gonna be within 10 years. Let me be responsible. Let me take action. Let me be responsible for myself, okay? So it's very easy to do y'all. And I suggest, you know, if anyone's upset about this, I'm sorry. It just had to be said, I've watched too many people's life go down the drain. Too many people's relationship fall apart because of a child. I've seen people come together because of a child, but that's very, very rare, you know? And sometimes, you know, the person that didn't want the child will always resent that, you know, sometimes. And they might, you know, treat you like, you know, the reason why they're not successful. Well, if you wouldn't have got pregnant, I couldn't have finished school. Or if you wouldn't have got pregnant, I could have gone, you know, do this, this, this, and that, you know? So you don't want to have to get that blame, lady. So the best thing to do is be responsible for your own body, yourself, okay? And men, y'all aren't getting off the hook. Don't lay down with women who you don't want to be your child's mother unprotected. I don't care if she tells you you're on birth control. Put a condom on, because she could be lying, okay? You need to say, look, this is not mother material, but I'm gonna sleep with her anyway, because I'm a man. Strap up, I know men do this all the time. They will have sex with anything, walk, and I got a story for y'all about that. I had this friend when I was young, and all the guys would be after her, and they, and she would give it to him too. I'm like, God, she's a whore. And I'm like, but she was cool. But she was just one of those girls who was loose. She was like, go home with anybody. And I was like, okay. And so one time I went over her apartment, and she had like all these pictures of models and super models on her wall, magazine cutouts and cool stuff like that. Her apartment looked like a typical single lady's apartment. I went into her bathroom. I'm nosy, I look under cabinets and stuff. And then I saw typical lady things. And so then I went to watch TV with her. But instead of putting it on television, she kept putting on these Jerry Springer reruns that she had recorded. I'm like, why watching Jerry Springer? And all of the recordings were about men dressed as women or transsexuals or something like that. And I did not know that she was a transsexual. She had the operation and everything. She had breasts. She had female genitalia. But she had a little bit of deep voice. And you couldn't tell. And I was like, now I know why you're a whore. Because you can get any man you want. And they don't know you're a man. And I don't know, but somehow it got out that she was a man. And people were like trying to find out where she lived because they wanted to, you know, I don't know what they wanted to do. But the point is, guys, don't sleep with anything that moves. You should have more respect for yourself than to just sleep with anybody, especially someone that you don't see yourself being with for a while. Someone that you don't want to be the mother of your child because condoms do break, y'all. So try to up your standards, too. I know it's hard. I know it's hard, guys. I know it's hard. I know it's hard, especially being a man, because men will sleep with anything moving, okay? And that's the scary thing, okay? I know a lot of gay guys out there who's claimed to have straight boyfriends who are married. So ladies y'all watch out. And I'm not saying anything against gay guys, transsexuals or anything because this is the world we live in, okay? This is the world we live in. And responsible people don't run into those type of problems, okay? People with their priorities in order do not run into these type of problems, okay? People that put pride and dignity before sex do not fall into these situations, okay? So if your priorities are screwed up, chances are your life is screwed up, okay? I just want to put this out there. Tough love video today. I know it's a little bit long, so I'm gonna cut it off right here, but y'all check yourselves, please, okay? Because my daughter has to grow up in this world. And I've already talked to her. I told her, don't even talk to guys. This is that way. I said, if he doesn't have what you have or more, bypass, okay? Because he can't do anything but bring you down. So, ladies, don't get in the bed with anybody who doesn't have what you have or more, who you can't see being a father to your child. If you don't have a ring on your finger, you shouldn't be having to protect the sex with him anyway, okay? So, get it together and your life will improve. Your life will get better. Focus on your children if you already, you know, have this situation happen to you. Focus on them, okay? Don't be ignoring them, trying to find another man to get you pregnant to start the cycle all over again. Just chill, okay? You're gonna have a life after the kids can take care of themselves, okay? I'll see y'all later, bye.