 Craft presents the Great Gilder Sleeves. Yes! The ones who also bring you big cross every Thursday night present each week at this time Harold Perry is the Great Gilder Sleeve. Written by Leonard L. Evans. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. But first, since all of you homemakers are extra busy these days, with your Victory Gardens, First Aid classes and so on, I want to tell you about the speedy way to make a favorite American main dish. With a thrifty product called Kraft Dinner, you can make delicious macaroni and cheese in just 7 minutes cooking time. In every package of Kraft Dinner, you get a quick cooking macaroni that needs no baking at all. Also, there's some Kraft grated that puts the cheese goodness through and through the tender macaroni. You'll find Kraft Dinner a real lifesaver these busy days, so tomorrow, get several packages of it. Meet the mealtime emergencies at your house with Kraft Dinner's grand macaroni and cheese. Did you ever lend an organization your living room for a meeting and then find that you weren't invited to attend? Well, that's what's happening to Throckmorton P. Gilder Sleeve. The Summerfield Little Theater Group is meeting to discuss plans for their summer barn season, and the Great Gilder Sleeve is out in the hall complaining to Bertie the Cook, who had nothing to do with the matter. It isn't as if they were anybody important, Bertie. After all, they're just going to put on a couple of stale dramas and somebody's barn. But what's that? They're giving the plays in a barn, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. Bertie, did you ever smell one of their plays? Oh, I guess they're all through. Well, good Lord, it's all arranged. We're going to have our summer theater in Mrs. Guernsey Stable. Oh, well, but really, Mrs. Guernsey, don't you think this is the wrong time to go out of the livery stable business? Mr. Gilder Sleeve, we are referring to an old carriage house on my estate. Oh. Livery stable, indeed. Now, Mrs. Guernsey, mustn't turn up your nose at livery stables these days. And this is Mr. Bruce Burdock, our director. A charm, simply a charm. Bruce was with Orson Well. Oh, yes, one of the men from Mars, no doubt. And this is Charlie Robertson. Mr. Robertson, the pleasure is all mine. No doubt. And now, we must start the ticket sale. That means we must order oodles and oodles of tickets. Now, where does one get them? Tickets? Oh, the best place I know is the World Ticket Printers of Chicago. Just mention my name. Well, thank you, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. You seem quite familiar with these details. Oh, yes. I've sent those people a lot of business. That was when I was a director of a well-known stage company. You were? Well, in that case, I simply insist that you attend our first rehearsals and lend your professional touch. Oh, no, no, no. I won't take no for an answer. We'll hold our next meeting here again on Tuesday. Come, boys. Time to go. Goodbye, boys. Goodbye, folks. Well, I always knew I'd have a chance to monkey with the stage. My drama done told me. Were you really a director of a well-known stage company once? Well, of course, my dear. When I was out West, I was on the board of directors of one of the biggest bus lines in Arizona. Our first place would be something down to earth. Some shows so simple that the most stupid person will understand. Oh, yes, of course. I thought they would. Now, I just happened to dig up a beautifully written play that was a magnificent success at Princeton when I went there. In fact, the author had to take 22 curtain calls. My goodness, I couldn't straighten up for a week. What was the name of your play, uncle? Deep in the heart of Maryland. Would anyone like to hear the plot you would? Well, okay. Now, I'll play all the parts myself. The first act opens in the drawing room of ex-Governor Sillsby's mansion, The Shingles. We discover an old Southern mammy, Auntie Freezier, as she speaks. Well, here he is in the drawing room of ex-Governor Sillsby's mansion, The Shingles. Things look mighty poorly for the old governor. She's interrupted by her husband, Uncle Rufus. The two of them do a very comical song, and then Uncle Rufus speaks. Yeah, Auntie Freezier. Things do look mighty bad. And it's all on account of that no-account neighbor, Dalton Jackson, who holds the mortgage. Then Auntie Freezier says, Ain't it the truth? She all looks like he's going to finally wind up with the shingles. Then Dalton enters, a very mean character, lower than Bunions on a snake. Dalton says, I brought these flowers for Miss Levinia. Please inform her of my presence. Then he comes down to the footlights and whispers, Little does the fair Levinia suspect that I am a married man with a wife and seven children now tuna PA. Levinia, thinking that the visitor is another, trips into the room. Oh, excuse me, she says. I didn't know it was you, Mr. Jackson. Ah, me proud duty. You thought I was that young welp-crandle berrier? Oh, no, I didn't. You did. I didn't. You did. You didn't. I did. You did. Did I? If I could go on like this for hours, folks, it's simply chuck-full of sparkling dialogue. Oh, but really, old fellow, this isn't our type of play. You're right, Brucey Boy. Oh, I forgot to tell you, Brucey, oh boy, you play Crandle Berry, the hero. Oh, is that so? Uh-huh. You're shot right smack in the middle of act second. And really, you had no idea how I'm looking forward to your death scene. Yeah. You know, Jolly, on second thought, maybe it isn't such a bad choice after all. Uh, just, uh, what was, uh... Yes, and there's a fine part for you, Charlie. Will you wake up, please? You'll be ideal as Lavinia's weak brother. Don't go to sleep during the rehearsal. I didn't even hear you. You'll be ideal as Lavinia's weak will's finalist brother. Uh, Sibley Sillsby. Oh, do you rarely think on the type rarely? Yes, uh, rarely. But definitely, Charlie Boy. Now, Marjorie, you can play Lavinia. Oh, that should be fun. Uh-huh. Dolly Dobson from Next Door can play the ingenue, and I think we'll try Judge Hooker as ex-governor Sibley. And, uh, the rest of the parts will be easy to catch. Uh, all except the Southern Manny. Are you going to play that role yourself? Oh, no, I've got somebody. Uh, Bertie? Oh, yes, sir? Uh, Bertie, have you ever had any ambition to go on the stage? Oh, I'll do it, please. Oh. And we've got a nice fat part for you in our new show. A fat part? Hmm, on me, that'll look good. All right, Bruce, give him his cue again. Oh, all right. But Governor Sillsby, you don't understand. I do understand. But the trouble is, you don't let me get a word in, edgewise. You better try to get it right, or else an opening night Hooker will get the hook. Go on. Can you remember when this plantation stretched? See? That's right, corn-fed hickory hams. You take the lime of beans, Judge. Well, how would you read that one? Something like this. I can remember when this year, plantation stretched as far as your eye could see. You see? Well, that gives me an idea. Yes, and it gives me an idea, too, Judge. What's that, Gildy? I think I'll play the part myself. But what about me? I've bought tickets for all my friends already. Good. Now you'll be able to keep them. What, the tickets? No, your friends. Well, in that case, I'm going to take all of my furniture out of Act 1 and go home. I forgot to tell you, Judge, that you've just been appointed stage manager. Stage manager? What are my duties? To get some decent-looking furniture for Act 1. How's my makeup? Oh, fine. Only don't blink those big eyelashes so fast, my dear. It sends a draft to the theater. Where's Charlie Robinson? Where's what's his name? The fellow who plays the villain. Oh, you mean Mr. Uptdike? Haven't you heard what's happening to him? No, Mrs. Jersey. What's happening to Mr. Uptdike? Oh, his wife's having a baby. He had to rush her to the hospital. A baby? He can't do this to me. What does he mean having a baby at a time like this? I tell you, I simply won't have him. But Uncle Morton, who's going to read his lines? Of course I know him, but I'm doing the governor already. But I could do two parts for the dress rehearsal. However, Mr. Uptdike better cut out these monkey shines and be here for the opening tomorrow night. Ready, Uncle Morton? Yes. Get braces, please. Oh, there you are, Charlie. Yes, here I am, but I can't stay long. Why not? I've just been drafted. Oh, my goodness. I was sure the Army would skip you. Well, the only thing we'll be able to do is open tomorrow night is the box office for re-farm. I have a wonderful idea. Charlie played your younger brother, didn't he, Marjorie? Yes. Then why not have your younger brother take Charlie's place? I can. I've got the candy concession out in the audience between acts. But Lee Rotty, you'll sell twice as much candy if the people can buy it from somebody in the cast. I know. When I was with Maxwell's comedians, I caused more broken hearts and decayed teeth than any other leading man in the ten-show business. Well, jeepers, I never thought of that. Okay, I'll do it. Fine, now we're all set. Let's get started. Where's Birdie? Where's a fellow to play Uncle Rufus? What fellow to play Uncle Rufus? Mr. Gildersley, do you never assign that part to anyone? Great jumping jeeps. Do I have to do all the thinking around here? Do I have to do all the work myself? No, but it looks like you'll have to play all the parts yourself. You mean portray Uncle Rufus as well as Dott and Jackson the Menace and Governor Sal'sby, the grandfather? You can try, Uncle Mort. You're a big enough man to play all three. Marjorie, but how am I going to keep from bumping into myself coming in and going out? I'll be in a daze before the evening's over. Yeah, punk, it looks like this is going to be one of your bad days. Mr. Gildersley will be with us again in just a moment. Meanwhile, let's give a thought to that chicken or roast out there in the icebox. There isn't quite enough leftover from today's dinner for tomorrow's meal. Well, let me tell you how to stretch and glamorize what is left into a thrifty main dish. Cream the leftover meat and serve it in a delicious ring of macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese that you cook in just seven minutes. You do it for the product called Kraft Dinner. In every box of Kraft Dinner, there's a special quick cooking macaroni. Also, some Kraft grated that lets you put the cheese flavor through and through in a jiffy. Just seven minutes at the stove and you have fluffy tender macaroni drenched in cheese goodness. For a smart macaroni ring, press the macaroni and cheese into a ring mold. Let it stand a few minutes, unmold on a platter and pour your cream meat into the center. Delicious. Of course, you can serve Kraft Dinner just in a serving dish. The family will love the macaroni and cheese made this thrifty seven-minute way, so have some tomorrow. Ask your dealer for Kraft Dinner. And now back to the Great Gilder Slave. It's the opening night of Deep in the Heart of Maryland and Uncle Mort is still stuck with three parts. The audience is in their seats, the actors are in their places to say nothing of a dither. The stage manager, Judge Hooker, is ready to pull up the curtain. The overture begins. Old Governor Silver's home dish shingles. And things look mighty bad for the old Governor. I wonder where my husband, Uncle Rufus, the butler is. Now, who can that be? Won't you let me in? Has you been again? You mumblin'. I just lost my shirt. Rufus, you've gone again? Oh, now I sugarpussed. Wait a minute now. Can Mr. Gilder sleep up against the stone wall? Yeah, but she loves cranberry. A poor but honest aristocrat. All this wouldn't have happened if suddenly, slibly, Miss Vinnie's near-to-well brother hadn't lost the mortgage money, playing AC Ducey with Dalton Jackson. Yes, and this is what caused all... Shh, here comes Mrs. LaVinia, the prettiest gal in two-up-sit township. Mama, I'm in for a spell, but it's cleared up now. With rich money when she runs in the Freakness. Next. Faster go by, faster shaster, out of go jump. You'll have to pay the bill, and after all... But why, Mrs. Holstein? Where is Mr. Uptight? Oh, he couldn't come tonight, either. Last night, he couldn't come because his wife was having a baby. What's it tonight? Twins! Boy, and is it dirty. Did I ever get this burnt cork off, Leroy? Oh, I know. Hooker, lend me a clean handkerchief, will you? Surely, here you are, Gildy. Thanks very much. Quiet, Judge. There's a show going on. Not for another hour, Dottie. How many lines have you got? Have I got all the black off my face, Leroy? Yeah, but... Give me the plug hat. Last, Miss Viney. Kindly excuse my hands. I've just been greasing my end horse. Mr. Viney, are we alone? I feel a vague apprehension that the reddish glint in his eye bodes no good for me. Yes. Last, Miss Sinister Plans will bear for root. I've been waiting for this moment. Now I have you in my clutches. No. This is foiled again. Be gone, blackguard, and remember... Your head must answer to Crandall Berry. Oh, thanks. He who harms one head of your... I'll return on Saturday to foreclose the mortgage. Now give me the goatee and the white mustache and some glue, will you? Oh, thanks. Now, Mr. Gildy. Not now, Dottie. All right, but... See, now the wiggly, Roy. Hold that mirror up. There. I've got to go now. My public wiggly... You're crying. Come and sit down. Signed your grandpappy. And he'll all tell you a story to cheer you up. Yeah. Yeah. This story took place when I was a young man. That was when the plantation was dressed as far as your eye could. See? The stable hands must be enjoying themselves. Well, anyway, this is a story of Bessie. Bessie and me, we roamed the hills together. She adored me. And I guess I kind of loved her, too. For years, we were constant companions until one day, to Ragitay, struck. Bessie stumbled in a gopher hole and broke her leg. There was nothing else to do but shoot poor Bessie. She's dead now. But there'll always be a warm spot in my heart for her. Was Bessie your favorite horse, grandpapa? No, ma child. Bessie was my first wife. Quite amusing. Some of the actors are excellent. I like the old man, Governor Sillsby, and also the Uncle Rufus character. They're both fine actors. But that guy who's playing the villain, he's terrible. One of the big freakness handicaps. And if that's Shasta Go, don't go... Has Mr. Crandall ever been a jihaki before? No. No, Dottie, not now. I was waiting for you on stage. Okay, give me the blank pistol, quick. Here you are. No, Uncle, wait! I haven't got time to wait, P. Roy. Cheapers, that wasn't a blank pistol. That was my... Meet again. Yes, and do your sorrow, Dalton Jackson. For today, I am writing Shasta Go in the freakness. Is what? Yes. You cringe at the thought of me winning not only the race, but also the fair Levinia and her old homestead from your vile clutches. Little does he know that I have a revolver in my pocket. And ere I let him thwart me evil plans, I wait till his back is turned and send a bullet through his manly bosom. Ah, now's my chance. Take that, Crandall Berry! Ah, I am shocked. Oh, I will win the divine Levinia. Hell! I can't make any more of these quick changes. Speed it up, Gillie. Do you realize it's 12.30 already? 12.30, great balls of fire. Is the drawing room set back in place? Yes, everything's ready to go. All set out there, Bertie? I think so, Miss Gillie. Okay, then. Flash the orchestra. Third act on your toes, everybody. Hey, she isn't supposed to say that. Bertie is starting the whole play all over again at half past 12. Four o'clock in the morning. No, no, I won't. This is Mr. Whalen, a talent scout from RKO Pictures. Oh, a talent scout. Yes, I want to sign up a member of the cast. Oh, no. Not me. That's right, not you. I've got a contract for your horse. He has to go. The studio is running short of trucks. Good night, folks. Good music right on this program was composed and conducted by William Randall. This is Jim Bannon speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company. And inviting you to tune in again next week at this same time for the further adventures of The Great Yielders League. We Americans are mighty lucky. We have the right foods in abundance, the good nourishing foods that help make us strong. And here in America, the right foods need not be expensive. Take Parquet Margarine, for example, the delicious bread for bread made by Kraft. Parquet Margarine is one of the right foods that help make America strong. Yet Parquet is so downright economical, you'll feel free to use all you need. You see, Parquet Margarine is a highly nutritious food, one of the best energy food you can serve. And every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. What's more, Parquet is the margarine that tastes so deliciously good as a spread used in cooking, too. So note it down. Order delicious, economical Parquet Margarine tomorrow. Just ask for Parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet Margarine, made by Kraft. This program has reached you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.