 ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثاناء الجميل وأشد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول الحق وهو يهد السبيل وأشد أن سيدنا ونبينا محمد صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد نحن نأخذ 40 حديث في how to gain a successful marriage ونحن نتحدث about a couple of things نتحدث about 40 حديث of the Prophet ﷺ about each one who has a headings a group of them, they have headings نتحدث about 2 حديث نتحدث about تلغيب في الزواج أرجع the youngsters and the youths and whoever is not married to get married نتحدث about the second chapter where we spoke about الحديث الواليدة في حسن الاختيار حديث pertaining to choosing the right spouse the right person for you and there we mentioned also 2 حديث so we finished 4 حديث like that and then we went to the third chapter which was the one we finished last session which we spoke about 5 حديث and that was الحديث الواليدة في الأمور التي تسبقوا عقد النكة a hadith pertaining to things that happen before marriage 5 حديث so 5 plus 4 is 9 right so we've already dealt with 9 narrations of the Prophet ﷺ which we got benefits from so إن شاء الله تعالى now we're going to go to a new chapter this chapter إن شاء الله تعالى is called الحديث الواليدة في ما بعد عقد النكة a hadith pertaining to things that happen after marriage so the person is actually he wants to get married which was the first chapter and then the second chapter is that he's now chosen the right person and then the third chapter is preparations that he had to come with now we're talking about after he's got married or more like this chapter is not only just going to deal with things that are going to happen after marriage but also at the time when the marriage is actually happening so this actually falls under فيما بعد عقد النكة such as the ceremony and the wedding and whatnot we'll be speaking about that إن شاء الله تعالى so 4 حديث will be taken in this إن شاء الله تعالى the first hadith which will be the 10th hadith but it will be the first hadith for this chapter is the حديث أبو داود ابن ماجه التنميذي narrated on the authority of أبو هريرا رضي الله تعالى عنه that he said أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم كان إذا رفع الإنسان the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم was one that if he congratulated okay the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم was one that if he congratulated الإنسان إذا تزوج when a person wants to get married if he congratulated them عليه وسلم he would say بارك الله لك و بارك عليك و جمع بينكما في خير the messenger would say بارك الله لك may Allah bless you و بارك عليك and may Allah place blessings onto you و جمع بينكما and may Allah bring you both together في خير in good this is what the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم would say when he congratulated a person for their marriage for their wedding so when we go to weddings and you know the sheikh or the wali if the aq is finished the girl is married off the sunnah is to say this dua the people they stand up and they greet the brother okay and they say to the brother بارك الله لك may Allah place blessings in this for you و بارك عليك and may Allah place blessings on it for you و جمع بينكما في خير and may Allah place between the two of you good the sisters also say the same to the sister you see this hadith ابلماج انترمي and this is the wedding of Imam Ahmed in his musnad is on the authority of Hassan is that عقيل ابن أبي طالب ربي الله عنه تزوجه he married امراءة من بني جوشمن عقيل ابن أبي طالب wanted to get married to but he married sorry he married a woman from the people of جوشمن فدخل عليه القوم the people entered onto him when he got married to her the people came and they all started to congratulate him and the regret with him was what فقالوا يساتهم بالريفاء والبنينة they said harmony may Allah bless you with harmony and may Allah bless you with boys sons basically and as you can see this concept of boys being the thing is a concept that is سلام dealt with سلام dealt with this concept which is that which one is better a boy or a girl for a parent which one brings more reward the prophet told us and I'm a father I'm a father of three girls and I have three sons personally and my three daughters three of my daughters I seem to get along with them more than I get along with my sons it's just a compassion it's just a love that the girls have they want to know how you're doing they want to ask you how are you randomly your daughters would kiss you hug you your son wants to see what's in your hand he wants to know if you've got chocolate for him if you've got sweets for him whereas the girl it's just that compassion and love that she has within her they made this dua they said to the messenger he said to them excuse me they said to him what should we say إذا كانت لنا معرفة أننا نقول هذا ، ما يجب أن نقوله؟ ونقل لهم ، قولوا بارك الله لكم ، أقول هذا و بارك عليكم أقول بارك الله لكم بارك الله لكم و بارك عليكم و جمع بينكم في خير أقول هذا إن كذلك كنا نقمر كنا نكون قادمنا هذا فهي رأيهم ، أقول هذا الدعاة بالرفائي والبنينة لكنه قد توقفهم منها و قلت لهم ليس أن نقول ذلك أننا لدينا لدينا قادمنا هذا وهذا هو when the woman and the man get married الشرنة يجب أن نقول هذا الدعاة لكن أيضاً هذا لا يعني أنه يجب أن تكون قادمنا أخبار جيدة أو أخبار جيدة التي يفعلها و أيضاً قادمنا وهذا هو الهديه للعروس قادمات التي يفعلها و لا يفعلها كل من يعرفه و كما يفعله إن صحيح مسلم كما يفعله إن صحيح مسلم أن أم السلين ، المدفنة of أنا سبن مالك رضي الله تعالى عنه أنا سبن مالك is gonna narrate his hadith for us it's only في سنة طريقة أوف الجعدة بأثمان أن أنا سبن مالك رضي الله تعالى عنه و قالت تزوج رسول الله و أنه صحيح مسلم يجعله و إذا كانت مدفنة جحش رضي الله تعالى عنها و جميعها فتحفظ أن أم السلين المدفنة of أنا سبن مالك رضي الله تعالى عنه و يجعله مدفنة أم السلين و نعم من المدفنة و أم السلين فجعلته في طور و نعم في طور إنه مصعب مصعب إنه مصعب مصعب يسمى الله ويحاولي المصحب يقول أنس يذهب بهذا إلى رسول الله يقول يجب أن تخبر هذا إلى المسجر فقولوا بعثت بهذا إليك أمي أن أمي أعطي هذا وهي تقرئك السلام ويخبرك السلام ويقول أنه يقول لك إن هذا لك مننا قليلون هذا لنا little is insignificant from what you deserve from us this is a prophetic nurturing the tarbiyah that the Prophet gave the companions how he nurtured them to respect him and not only that the way that they knew that they were not able to what they were not able to fulfill his rights and that which he done for them she said this is very little that for us to do for you we haven't fulfilled your rights so she said to him when you go to him she said as my mother told me and I took it to the Prophet she said she's giving you her greetings and she's also saying to you إن هذا مننا قليلون and she's also saying to you إن هذا لك مننا قليلون that this is very little from us like it's nothing it's worth it's really worth nothing the Messenger said the Prophet said then she said after that the Prophet said إذ have go the Messenger said فدع إلى فلانا call so and so وفلانا and so and so call those people call them وملقيته and anyone you meet as well don't just stop at those people there whoever else you meet call them وسمع رجال and the Prophet named a group of men and those who I met فدعوه لمن سما I called those people the Prophet I called them وملقيته and whoever I met on the way قال قلت لأنسر وملقيته الجعد أبو عثمان he said I asked him he said I asked him قلت لأنسر كم عدد عدد كم هؤلاء how much were they عدد كم كانوا how much were they in number and then he said 300 ملقيته وقال لي رسول الله the Messenger قلت لهم يا أنس هاتي تورا bring the earthen vessel فدخلوا they entered onto the Prophet حتى انتلأت صفة و الحدرة until the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the Prophet is qu'yad and his apartment they got full up they got full فقال رسول الله the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he said ليتحلق عشرة عشرة ولياكل كل إنسان من ما يلي every one of you eat from the closest to him the place is closest to him فأكلوا they ate حتى شبعوا until they became full فخرجت لايفة a group left ودخلت لايفة then another group came in 300 but they were leaving another group would come حتى أكلوا كلهم until everybody ate فقال لي يا أنس the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم ارفع lift the tower the earthen vessel فرافعتوا he said I lifted it فما أدري حين وضعتوا كان أكثر أم حين رفعتوا I don't know was it more when I brought it to the Prophet or was it more now that I'm taking it to him after they ate from it I don't know which one of it I couldn't assess the amount or the weight of which one was more before when I first brought it when I initially brought it or now that it has been eaten from I don't know which one and this of course is من دلائلين نوبوتي this was from the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم evidences of his prophecy but what we're taking from this hadith is what what is it that we take from we take from this hadith the hadiyah the gift that is given also to gift the person and it's very important when you're gifting a person who got married a lot of the times what happens is people tend to gift what generally a lot of people are already going to give does that make sense when you're giving a gift try to be made try to make sure that you bring other things that you think probably other people may not bring for example a lot of the times people bring they bring bedsheets they bring vessels just like when the child is born as well people all bring you clothes of the baby so you end up with what extra too much clothing does that make sense so if you could try to get things other than that which is brought for the person especially it's good to know the weather and the situation of the person and the things that so that's the hadith we've taken for this chapter the first hadith for this chapter so now inshallah the 11th hadith is women playing the duff on the wedding day عن عايشة رضي الله و تعالى عنها أنها زفت امرأة إلى رجل من الأنصار فقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يا عايشة ما كان معكم له فإن الأنصار يعجبهم له the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said أو عايشة because أنها زفت عايشة prepared امرأة a woman إلى رجل من الأنصار for a man of the people of أنصار عايشة رضي الله و تعالى عنها she prepared the groom right for the bride the bride for the groom عايشة رضي الله عنها she prepared the bride for the groom فقال النبي رضي الله the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said يا عايشة أو عايشة ما كان معكم له there was no amusement there was no له we done which is what a duff an enjoyment was it not done فإن الأنصار يعجبهم له because the people of أنصار it amazes them له they like it ألمام البخاري who brought it in his صحيح so this hadith is an evidence بجواز الضرب النساء that the women are allowed to play the sorry the duff they're allowed to play the duff or the wedding and they also allow to sing with their mouths with words that are good but it has to be في معزن عن الرجالي there can't be no men around amongst themselves there's no problem if they play their duff and they sing words that don't have منكر or فحشة or evil stuff then there's a نصن evidence for it there's evidence for it they play their duff you see and they sing there the people I'm from the Somali people I'm from among the Somalis what we do is we have a a thing that we do we call it we call it and what the women do is they they boast and they brag the tribes that the girls from and the boys from and it's mentioning of the tribes and what not there's no problem in that as long as there's no slandering of each other's tribes as long as there's no منكر evil being mentioned there's no problem you see this is provisible Arabs used to do it this is an Arab practice by the way فالأمر فيه سعوة الحمد لله there's no problem and there's no rights for an individual to prevent the women from doing this لكن they're not allowed to say things that are filthy things that are vulgar they are not allowed to bring musicians and rappers and artists they are not also allowed to bring instrumental musical instruments they can't bring beats and basses violins and pianos what is permissible is textual anything outside that requires an evidence and they're also allowed to sing as for taking this ruling of the specification and tried to generalize it is actually ignorance of the sharia the sharia has the rights the sharia الله تبارك و التعالى has the rights to prohibit things in other places and he's got the rights to what? permit it somewhere صحيح الله is the one who permitted it سبحانه وتعالى the women to pray the death when the the wedding day but he is the one who prohibited it from the men صحيح and the fact that الله permitted it for them here is not an evidence for elsewhere is it a permissible elsewhere no it's not permissible و لذلك the one who listens to music or likes music or needs to remember the hadith of the professor صلى الله عليه وسلم صوتاني ملعوناني two voices are cast the professor صلى الله عليه وسلم the cast صوتان a voice when the person is going through hardship the wailing the noise that the person makes and shouting and screaming and whatnot and the sound that the person makes when he is enjoying himself listening to music yeah الله says in the Quran و استفز من استطعت منهم بسوتك و أجلب عليهم بخيلك و رجلك و شاركهم في الأموال والأولادي و عيدهم و ما يعيدهم الشيطان و استفز من استطعت منهم بصوتك صوت هي صوت الشيطان و صلى الله عليه وسلم صلى الله عليه وسلم يصححونه وقفن يقولون صحيح موقوفا ولا يصحهم رفوعا صلى الله عليه وسلم يقولون ذلك يستطيع أن يقول عبد الله من مسؤول إن الغينا يومبت في القلب النفخ أن موسيقا في مكان في القلب انتظر لو أنتم look at the people today who fall off their religion لو أنتم look at them ask them those people who have hello iman those people who have depression those people who have anxieties those those those go on this is where it comes from و لي دلك ابن القيم علي رحمة الله اللّه has mercy upon him He mentions that ذينة لوّط home sexuality all of that إذا كانت ترى قوة لها موسيقية إذا كنت ترى قوة إغاطة للحفان في مصاعد الشيطان فهي قوة موسيقية هل تسمعون للموسيقية؟ الآن سأخبركم بخير سأعودكم بأسئلة إبن القييم ولموسيقية من هذه الموسيقية كيف تقلق مع هذه الموسيقية؟ صحيح؟ مختلف even now if you look at the Arab world and you look at the western world the music is سبحان الله the Arab world is still the Arab world is still better than that doesn't mean that it's just permissible this is haram what I mean is at that time عبد الله المسعود is saying الغينا يومبط النفاقة في القلبي it places hypocrisy in the heart and it also what? now why I pointed here I thought about this pay attention that it places hypocrisy in the heart right? people who sing today look at them they pretend to be what they're not isn't hypocrisy hypocrisy they become they show their flashy cars they don't have it it's not theirs they rented the car صحيح؟ yeah they boast that I'm tough I'm rough a lot of them they cry and interviews like they get scared they're not as strong as they portray themselves to be صحيح؟ some of them get pranked and he was a big man yeah and there he is crying a big big strong rapper you see so it's mefaak it's hypocrisy they live in that they live that life that double life because the paparazzi is running after them and whatnot على كل حال القول of this صحابي الجليل عبد الامن عباث shows you the quwa right? also the process of statement ولا ينزلن أقوام إلى جنبي عالم يروح عليهم بساريحة لهم فيقول اقتنا غدل فيوبيتوا من الله ويجعلوا قيرادات والخنازير that Allah turns and deforms them into monkeys and pigs isn't that something if you look at them today look at the way they move their hands do you see the way they jump around Allah turns their form you see into pigs and monkeys they make noises like animals when they are drawn but what we're trying to point out here and that was just a lot of me going off topic is that women are permitted and they are allowed ضرب الدفع they are allowed to use deaf as for anything outside that there's no permissibility for them لأن الشرع الشريعة when it permitted we permit when it doesn't permit we don't أصلي that it's haram and this time it's an استثناء an exception and they're allowed to and they're also even allowed to sing they're allowed to sing with wordings that don't consist in it فيما عزيل عن الرجال words that don't have ethme in it and it has to be فيما عزيل عن الرجال no man have to be there now what I was talking is that a lot of the times you see weddings that are freemix freemixing صحيح freemixing men and women and this man is getting married to this sister he is doing this you see he starts his life off he starts his life off his marriage he starts off with منكر and then when the people make the dua for him بارك الله لك و بارك الله عليك في خير كيف عصيت الله you disobeyed Allah in the beginning stage of your life you see so it's very dangerous and then what's even more sad is those who fight for it who champion for it I'm going to make sure this wedding is actually a freemixing freemix the girl saying no the brother saying no because they're practicing but then somehow his sisters and brothers they basically overtake and they do it على كل حال فتقوا الله فيه الله تباركه تعالى bringing men and women together bringing musicians and rappers and singers to stage this is from the منكرات that has spread إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِنَّا إِلَا رَجْعُونَ and you know what's sad really truly to be said is that when the people disobey الله تباركه تعالى and they say that the religion that is being said it's made it's made too hard and it's and that these people are being tough on them and they disobey الله تباركه تعالى the effects hits their marriage and this person you thought was being harsh on you and was being too tough on you and rough wasn't he better for you now to save your marriage wouldn't it is it not better to save your marriage to at least listen to this tough person you call this Haram police that you call this person he's the one who truly is caring about you because he's going to save your marriage by giving you this sincere advice but to say I just want to enjoy myself what's the benefit of a joy comes after it a problem headache hardship now so sins have an effect they have a direct effect in our lifestyle they have a direct effect in the things about our life may Allah forgive us فيما ظهر that which is apparent and may Allah forgive us for that which is hidden that's not known إنه هو ليذالك و القادر عليك