 Well, hello and welcome to Sorry, I got off track. Well, hello to understand men now. I'm Jonathan as they have job as a common I'm so excited to be doing this live stream view today our topic the five Sexy mindsets high-value men love and number three might surprise or shock you All right really quickly if you're new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if any time during this video you like the content it resonates with you, please do me a favor and hit that like button I know I shouldn't have to say this but it helps with the algorithm so more people get to see this So I'd really appreciate that like button All right Really quickly we're gonna get into the content But if you're watching the replay right now just know I do the content first then I go into q&a So I'm gonna do the content first I'm gonna go into q&a that way you don't have to stick around although I will tell you the q&a is the best part So I hope you do stick around so we're gonna jump into those five Sexy mindsets high-value men love and number three might shock you now really quickly. I want to be candid with you I actually saw this title Out on you the YouTube universe like it's just a slightly different version of it And I watched a couple of my contemporaries videos and and I found it very interesting and I thought I'm gonna do my own version of this. That's what I do when I see titles I like I do my own version, but I thought you know what I might share with some of my Contemporaries say are the sexy mindset so but this isn't the one I think that's most valuable So just want to help you understand where I'm coming from so a lot of people will tell you kindness is a great mindset and Sense a humor is a great mindset and being caring is a great mindset and being Flexible might be a great mindset and I don't mean flexible in your body, but your ability to adapt and To things in your environment and there was another one I wrote down Oh, yeah, and to be able to see the big picture. These are great Sexy mindsets to have certainly to have this before you begin a relationship with someone these are great things to have and Whether you're a man or woman, I just think these are healthy things to be in life These are incredibly healthy things to be to be come from a kind place to come from a caring place To see the bigger picture in relationships to have a sense of humor Sadly a lot of people have zero sense of humor when dating They're so rigid and tied up in everything and Of course being flexible, so those are great mindsets to have but I want to go deeper if you follow my channel It's because we go beyond the surface of what the the the rhetoric that's being taught the Attraction-based way of dating and I'm here to encourage a more conscious intentional Emotionally mature way to date so the following Mindsets I'm talking about is actually transposable for men and women this is for human beings and I think human beings that exhibit these this level of Consciousness are the most attractive people to choose to be in relationship Let me repeat that people that adopt what I'm about to share with right now are the ones And I think are the most attractive to be in relationship and it's not based on looks It's based on how they view their world So let's jump into those five sexy mindsets that Jonathan's gonna talk about today And number one is them is so ridiculously important I can't believe I have to say this out loud, but it's that your actions match your words your actions match your words and Sadly men and women alike their actions don't match their words And by the way, this is a directly from the book the four Agreements the four agreements if you're not familiar with the book the four agreements Literally what I'm about to share today is piggybacked on what this book talks about I want everyone to order this book if you don't have a copy check out the link in the Jonathan description of Jonathan Recommends this should be on your nightstand Because it talks about how to be a really emotionally mature healthy human being and it's Important that our actions match your words and I can tell you it was some months ago. I Was communicating with someone on a dating site and we were instant messaging each other and we had planned on talking I think it was on a Monday evening and There was a that we were she wanted to talk to me the night before I was busy I said how about Monday? She said great so Monday at around a half hour before we were supposed to connect on the phone I said hey, I just want to touch base with you I'm gonna call you know reach out to you in about 30 35 minutes. Is that work for you? And she goes oh, I'm out with my girlfriend and we're running a little bit late at happy hour And I was a little surprised because we had planned a phone date in her She had said 5 p.m. Works great and then I get the message saying I'm out with my girlfriend It's gonna be a little bit longer. I said look I'm free for an hour Does that work for you and I didn't hear back from her in fact? I didn't hear back from her for 24 hours, and then I got the oh, I was with my girlfriend I'm running late blah blah blah this or that I'm sorry. I didn't text well that sent a signal to me saying this person's Actions don't match their words now. We have all these kind of exceptions, and I want to share with you something but You know most you know I lost a child most you know I lost a child I lost my 19-year-old son Connor in fact today is his birthday and On the day of his death. I was supposed to have a date that night Now I think no one begrudge me if I blew that person off and didn't call them But you know what to me my actions match my words. I reached out and said hey look I've had a family tragedy. I can't make it tonight Now I didn't go into the particulars, but I had the courtesy to do that and whether it's a man or woman I think one of the sexiest things a human being could be is your actions Consistently match your words. It's not look it if I've blown off the date. I don't think she would have begrudge me You know for the reason look at I live just lost a child, and it's not some bullshit excuse But that's an understandable reason but to say you're out with your girlfriends and now I got tied up and everything Yeah, I get it, but that showed that you didn't value this enough and that's not to me That's not a sexy mindset. I'm attracted to so my invitation for everyone is your actions match your words By the way today, I'm drinking coffee and it is I make the world go around What do you do I make the world go around what do you do and that's it? That's all cup one of my all-time favorites All right number two and this is so sad in today's society, but we we have human beings that don't take personal Responsibility for their choices. They don't take personal responsibility for their choices. We is here in the United States I can't speak for the rest of the world, but we're suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness I mean it is nothing but victim consciousness in very few people taking ownership in their own lives And this is particularly true in the dating realm, especially when it comes to their past relationships I continually talk to women and I know by the way everything. I'm saying goes in reverse It goes for men too, but I talked to women Continually that all they do is throw their ex-husband under the bus or their ex-boyfriend under the bus and take no Ownership on why they even stayed in the relationship Because quite frankly if I called the ex-husband or the ex-boyfriend, I'm sure they would throw the bus at the other person So who's right? Quite frankly, nobody's right. You're only I don't even like the term right, but you're healthy when you say You know what? I made a poor choice I stay in a relationship that should have ended much sooner whatever the things behind it but you take ownership of why you do things in your life and Sadly most people don't and that's not a very sexy mindset when you are in victim consciousness This is and I say we are suckling on the nipple of victimhood At least here in the United States and in the dating realm. Oh my god It's nothing but victim victim victim victims and I don't mean that someone hasn't might have had abuse in their life or some But you know unless you have to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman unless you have to call one of those three things And you have a valid reason Then everything else is not you have to here's my invitation as you take ownership in your life Are you with me? Can I get an amen? All right, number three and this is the shocking one. I call it fighting fair fighting fair Here's the thing most humans when they're in an argument with someone They're trying to they're trying to prove that they're right and that you're wrong. So let me repeat that I'm right. You're wrong. I'm right. You're wrong. That's not fighting fair fighting fair means I'm gonna listen to your point of view I'm gonna accept your point of view as being true for you I'm gonna ask you to listen to my point of view I'm gonna ask you to accept my point of view as being true for you and maybe we can find some common ground But it's not I'm right and you're wrong As I shared in a previous podcast, there's this great show on showtime called couples therapy Couples therapy it just ended their season but what she what the couples therapist said is most couples go into therapy going to the therapist going change my partner change my partner change my partner instead of taking ownership of their part and This is where that righteous consciousness comes in that egoic. I'm better than you type of Consciousness which is not a very sexy mindset a sexy mindset is we're part of a team We want to work together. Is this sinking in please let me know okay number four and That's empathy and empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings empathy is I Care about your feelings and actually this starts from the very beginning When a man opens a car door that's certainly a nice gesture gesture When a man picks up the tab, that's a nice gesture Those are nice gestures, but I want us to go deeper than the nice gestures I want us to talk about really caring about someone from the get-go from a place of how can I be a giver? instead of a taker and Now I know a lot of women can claim that they have empathy I get that that they care But here's what happens for a lot of women. It's not that they care about the man's feelings It's that they've given their feelings over to a man They've given their feelings over to a man ladies I can see this happening time and time again. You're giving your power away to a man That's not his it's not caring about his feelings It's you've abandoned your own feelings because you're afraid that if you say one little thing It's gonna upset the apple cart in relationship, and I'm here to say Chapter one in my book by the way if you haven't if you're brand new to my channel This is my book called what the heck is self-love anyway There's a link below self-love the book chapter one speak your truth do it with kindness and later on in the book If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person So I'm here to say ladies Empathy isn't giving your power away and thinking that's empathy empathy is you and your partner Genuinely care about each other's feelings For one another you want to know about each other's feelings And you care about how each other feels and if you really want to go to a deeper level of love Is it not that you just care about your partner's feelings and you meet your partner's feelings? You actually their feelings start to become your feelings as well. Is this sinking in is this resonating? I hope it is and number five is Transparency transparency if it's material to the relationship you're going to be transparent with your partner It might be like being candid in the beginning of the dating process saying you have an STD It might be being candid saying that I'm going through a contentious divorce. It might be Say that I still have a relationship with my ex boyfriend or girlfriend or something be if it's material to the relationship Then be transparent now does this mean vomit your feelings? No, but if it's material to another human being then let's all start being transparent instead of secretive And this is one of the reasons why dating is such a big challenge today because most people aren't vulnerable Authentic and transparent and I want to encourage that for everybody I want to encourage that you read the book the four agreements I want to encourage you to read my book self what the heck a self-love which is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work because ultimately when you learn to love on yourself Then you can open and expand yourself to a relationship with someone else And that's my invitation for you is to get these sexy mindsets because this is a mindset of emotional maturity This is a sign my these are the mindsets of emotionally mature people their actions match your words You're in victor consciousness You know how to fight fair you have empathy which means not giving your power away but actually owning your power and caring about another person and then being transparent if it's material to the Relationship those are the five sexy mindsets that high value men like and when I talk about high value I'm talking about emotionally mature people and when two emotionally mature people meet and fall in love Those are the relationship that have the greatest chance of going to the distance to being a juicy delicious healthy happy Relationship and most everybody else's in mediocre Relationships because they don't adopt these five things that I am encouraging everybody to do Every Mona their life is this sinking in if it is please hit that like button All right We're gonna take questions in a moment the theme for today the theme of questions I want it to be is what's your greatest challenge with dating these days What's your greatest challenge with you dating you these days and if you write it post a question Write the word question and post it as a reminder if you purchase a super sticker or a super chat all the funds Go to a foundation. I'm gonna be starting for my son Connor right there who passed away and So again super sticker super chat if you want to ask a question that way There's a little dollar sign the chat box for those watching the replay. It's not there It's only for those that are in the live chat So two things I want to cover before we start taking questions today number one Last Friday, I wasn't able to make the live stream and I gave you five chances of what it might have been Did I have a hot date? Did I throw my back out? Was I just not feeling it? Oh? I can't remember the other three, but I want you to know Or was I overwhelmed and tired I actually threw my back out So I went to the chiropractor on Friday I was laid out all weekend and I'm still kind of hurting today But I felt and I felt a strong need to do today's live stream for a very special reason And that is today is Connor's birthday Connor's birthday. This is my son Connor He passed away Almost three years ago today would have been his 22nd birthday I don't know if you can tell but the shirt I'm wearing is actually the shirt the exact shirt He's wearing here. I'm wearing his shirt today and today. I want to honor him on his birthday So I pulled out a little cupcake And I want us to all sing happy birthday to Connor So And then we'll get started today. Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday my dear son Connor Happy birthday to you and my wishes I'm gonna say my wish out loud because this is for everybody what you taught me Connor what you taught me Connor Was how to break my heart open and my hope is by being an advocate of Love that I break everybody's heart open. So in honor of Connor I want us to all love ourselves and love others love ourselves others and that's my wish on behalf of Connor So let's all pray for that if you're with me Happy birthday Connor and I'm gonna take a big bite All right, I'm by the way, I found some of Connor's pot His pots three years old, I'm not gonna smoke it today, but in honor of Connor I'm gonna say he grew pot in this backyard. He had a whole thing going on He was he was actually learning hydroponics and everything he was learning how to become a farmer and So here's some leftover pot of his I'm actually an edible person. I really don't smoke much, but So anyways, thank you for allowing me to be in your lives today share a little bit of Connor with you all It means a lot to me. He was the impetus for me writing my book What the heck is self-love anyway? He is throughout the book We might talk about him today But I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share that with you And let's get started with questions. Let's get the theme about what's the biggest challenge with dating today? So let me put on my trusty glasses Your stone funny Someone says you are stone funny edibles are the way to go. I agree Tina Lee says I love this so much. Thank you Pat says your wish is granted. Thank you Let's let's set says happy birthday Connor. Let me tell you he must be very proud of his dad. Oh, thank you All right, let's start taking questions again. Our theme is and I want to thank everybody. Oh my god. There's so many here. Oh Kelly big hugs to you. Thank you so much. Oh Emily has a question. All right. Let's just jump into the Q&A All right question. It's important to ask the right questions, but what are those questions aside from what does? commitment or commute Commute relationships look like what else should we be asking in the beginning? Okay, Emily great question By the way for those listening This is actually part of my private coaching program called my private coaching working with me I actually teach you the roots to trust and how to actually get to know another human being and how to bet for Emotional maturity now I teach you all this technique in my private coaching So if you're not if you're really interested in coaching check out the link to a discovery call in the description to schedule a call With me to hear about my coaching, but for Emily, I'm going to give you something to ponder here. I Think it's important to ask a person about their past Relationships about their past relationships and the benefit of asking about past relationships It gives you insight into how they might navigate a future relationship So I now again in my private coaching I teach you the deeper meanings behind ask what questions to ask in a past relationship But that's another thing to get a sense of their to get a sense of someone's future It's always good to look a little bit backward and see how did they respond to? Questions about their past do they come at it from a victim consciousness or a victor consciousness? And those are some of the things I teach in my private coaching so Emily great question It's something I can certainly help you with If you want to go deeper than just the surface, so thank you so much Alright Look at this leaf here. Let me find this Leaf gave us a $20 super sticker. Thank you so much for Connor. We really appreciate that leave. Thank you from the bottom My heart. I really appreciate that Um Alright, so let's see what else we have if you have a question post the word question Post the word question and then write your question out. So oh by the way, well Really quickly Connor's nickname is salty. So whenever you see me post salty forever anything like that That's why I share that with everyone. Okay, Jennifer writes Jennifer writes been dating a man for a year. I've seen him making effort to grow But he still doesn't fight fair sometimes low emotional maturity. How long should I let this behavior continue? So I'm a big great question by the way, and it's not letting him the behavior continue I think what's important is to actually talk about your relationship at a much deeper level than the surface level So what you could simply say is I recognize that whenever we're in a disagreement with one another You seem to take the position that you're right and I'm wrong And I can certainly Understand that why you would do that because it's very natural for human beings to operate from the premise that they're right But isn't it possible that I might also be right as well? Isn't it possible that my point of view has value? So let's say your boyfriend's name is Tim say Tim Is it possible that we can listen to each other? When we have a disagreement and accept each other's point of view being true for each one of us Can you accept my point of view being true for me? I'm not saying I'm right I'm just saying can you accept that it feels true for me and can we maybe come out of a diff a challenge or a difference from a place of How can we both win? How can we both win instead of how can I win? How can we both win because there's an old saying I Would rather be Happy than right. I would rather be happy than right So my invitation for everybody is to start leaning into a deeper more authentic Conversation with your partner and simply say hey Just the way I laid out is it okay at the next time we have a disagreement that you hear my side and Acknowledge and validate that my side feels true for me. I'm not saying it's right, but I'm also not saying you're right I'm just saying I will accept it being true for you. Can we both agree to do this and See how he responds does he respond with with you know like like guards up is he guarded? Or does he respond from an open heart because if a person cannot respond from an open heart? How more how much deeper in intimacy can that person go if they're always not going to? Appreciate your point of view and accept your point of view as being true for you. Does that help Jennifer? I hope it does. All right big thumbs up great question. Thank you so much. All right. Oh Another super sticker, thank you so much. I really appreciate that Jenny Or Janine Janine Jenny. Oh god. I'm terrible with names. Please forgive me everyone I so screw this stuff up, but thank you so much big hugs to you Okay, question. Is it really about being right or okay? So let's go back to this idea of when we have disagreements often times when each person is Defending their point of view. There's this natural Inclination the ego wants to operate from the place. I'm right and you're wrong This is usually what happens not everyone an emotionally mature person doesn't operate from that place They express their point of view they ask their partner to accept their point of view is being true for them You listen to their point of view you accept their point of view is being true for them But most people operate from a very egoic place or a fear-based place either I'm right and you're wrong or I'm always wrong. That's the fear-based place So I think that's why I said it that way. Is it always that way not always? But typically when there's contention in relationship people go into their corners and they operate from a place of I'm right and you're wrong. Okay, and like I said, there's you know, it's better to be Happy than right. At least that's what someone taught me Okay Sandy asks, how do you ask a man where you stand with him? Do you just hang out and go on and on? When are you allowed to ask if you're exclusive? All right for those who know me know Here's the thing before the penis ever goes inside the vagina You better have a conversation about what this relationship is all about. So number one, that's your last chance Okay, well, let me reframe that before the penis goes into vagina the second time the first time look at you can have sex the first time and You know, and you don't have to worry about monogamy and exclusivity if you never see each other again It really only matters if you continually have sex then you better have the conversation about Monogamy and Exclusivity and I'm a big proponent first off I'm a big proponent of dating one person at a time if you're going to see someone on a regular basis I'm not a big proponent of dating multiple people at the same time I know a lot of coaches sell you on that, but that's stupid stupid rules based way of dating the book the rules This is so stupid because how ladies I get it. You're told date multiple men Well, here's what's happening is men are dating multiple women How are we ever gonna fall in love if everybody is dating a hundred people at the same time? That's an exaggeration I don't mean that but it's stupid You look at how long does it take to date someone three or four times in a row a Week or two or three. It's not that much time to invest in one person to see if you want to perpetuate something That's my philosophy and if you're going to be intimate with someone you better know where you stand You better know where you stand. I'd like to have some clarity that we're both Monogamous and exclusive with one another. This is why I teach my technique called cares cares C A R E S First don't have sex with someone unless you feel comfortable number two The a stands for be aware of the consequence in other words if you get attached to someone too quickly Then be aware of that number three The are learn his real intentions is this guy for real or is he just trying to get laid number e? exclusivity and s stands for safety whether that's condoms whether that's birth control whether that's std test be safe care C A R E S So going back to when to talk about this certainly before you become intimate with one another and not and again If you're gonna have sex twice, that's the at least beforehand and not after that's my invitation By the way ladies when I'm dating I simply say something like this right from if I'm gonna see someone more than three times if I feel that I say Hey, look just something you know about me when I'm dating someone I like to be Monogamous and exclusive. How do you operate now? I've had some women get really turned off by this What do you mean you're asking for a commitment right away? No, it's just I don't like to sleep with other people at the same time and when I like somebody I don't like being distracted by 15 other women and believe me ladies. I get tons of distraction So when I like someone I actually turn off my dating apps because I look at I'm blessed Thank you. That's my mom and dad mommy and daddy Thank you for giving me the two most important thing women want you gave me height and hair Thank you six foot two full head of hair. I'm grateful. It's the I'm in the top 1% So I'm grateful for that, but I don't want going back to the dating. I don't want to be if I like someone I don't want to be distracted by other people That's why dating is such a fucking challenge today because everybody is duty dating and circular dating and dating multiple people And they're trying to figure shit out and we're not giving one person a chance to just to get to know them That's why I'm encouraging a better way to date mate and relate to be more Intentional if you really want to read a great book read the book if the do Buddha dated if the Buddha dated I Highly recommend reading this book to understand it from a spiritual perspective and not the stupid rules based egoic You know fucking this is so stupid. I want to throw it in the trash It's like but I have to keep it just for an illustration, but it teaches you manipulation It doesn't if you really want to get a heart base book by this book making love all the time by Barbara DeAngelis This is a heart-centered book instead of this fucking piece of trash All right, I was yelling is this sinking in I hope so Thank You Sandy. I appreciate that. All right Let's see if you have a question Please says so true Jonathan and too many coaches encourage abundance. That's messy. Yeah abundance. Yeah Look at I'm by the way I'm a big proponent of abundance, but from a perspective of my heart is abundant and gigantic And I have I can attract my life mate, but not dating multiple people at the same time to get there It's gonna create a lot of confusion. Now by the way, I know a lot of you are going well Jonathan, I can't even get one date if you're having a problem getting one date. There's a good chance You're not putting a good representation of yourself out there So that's why I encourage you hire a coach like myself so you can have a better Representation of who you are out in the world so you can be seen by single eligible men or women Is this sinking in is this resonating? I hope so please hit that like button, too Hmm. All right, let's go through our questions Um bump bump bump. I'm gonna have to stand up in a minute. My back is hurting. Oh Pat. Okay What do you do when no matter what you want to talk about gets defensive? Why would he be so defensive when we've been together for decades? Hmm? So I'm gonna assume you're married or you said you've been together for decades. Why do people get to defensive? I Think one of the greatest challenges and relationships today is that we take people for granted And we stop being in a state of appreciation or gratitude Let me repeat that we take people for granted and we stop being in a state of appreciation or gratitude and people that get defensive Oftentimes are struggling deeply on the inside with childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that have gone unhealed This is why people like that Which is pretty much every human being on the planet because even I get defensive should read this book the Hoffman process The Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into childhood wounds and traumas as well as adult traumas to heal the past so we don't have to be in a state of needing to be defensive in Any relationship, but I can tell you that most likely it's really a lack of appreciation and gratitude For maybe one another in this particular case I know you probably care about him and I'm sure he cares about you but ultimately when people stop Look at nothing purifies life like death It took Connor actually having to leave for me to really learn the most valuable lesson in life And that is to love to first love on oneself to put the oxygen mask first on oneself and That's the most important thing Pat for yourself. It's so he gets defensive How about you working on yourself and I can tell you you might actually have the courage to end a Relationship that may not be healthy for you I think divorce is a good thing not a bad thing because two people who are not aligned with each other Should not be together just because they have to I'm not I don't know your circumstances, but let me just say this Focus on yourself Focus on loving on yourself because when you love on yourself You don't accept bad behavior from other human beings and as speaking as a man who lost a child I refuse to allow myself to ever be a victim to anyone else Because I learned the most important thing in life since Connor's passing and that is to appreciate myself not from an egoic place of righteousness, but from a place of loving myself and Loving everyone else and that's my invitation. That was the birthday invitation. I passed on to everybody. Remember that here I'm gonna take a bite Mmm. God, that's a lot of frosting. I hope that helps. So thank you so much Pat All right. Oh My god, that's so good. I got that whole foods All right Adelie says or what? Oh my butchered your name. I want to marry my best friend me too All right, a man. Let's see Um M Jenkins are you are you are you the one on Barbara DeAngelo's PhD? Great book actually what she's talking about is this book Are you the one for me by Barbara DeAngelo's? Who's right and avoiding who's wrong? I love this book Oh my god, I love this book. This is such a great book It should be in your repertoire Ladies if you really if you ladies and gentlemen if you really want to change your life get that book great suggestion Thank you. I'm Jenkins Jenkins and excuse me Alright Amanda writes by the way if you have a question post the word question or by a super stick or a super chat and post your Question as well. Okay, and by the way, thank you those who have already purchased the supers chat again That goes to the Connor fund. We're gonna build a foundation so I can support others by Providing scholarships to personal development growth. That's my goal with the foundation All right, Amanda writes Question, how do you know if a guy wants to sleep with you or wants an actual relationship guys? Usually tell women what they want to hear in the beginning to get what they want Love this question. How can you tell the difference? Okay ladies, let's just first understand this Every time you've heard the phrase men love the hunt men love the chase Do you think they're actually chasing? I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship Do you think that's what we're actually chasing or hunting for? No Biologically speaking, what do we hunt for? We hunt to get laid. We hunt to spread our seed. That's what we're hunting for And men love comp. We love the Competition. Yeah, we love that When we get laid once Okay So all those guys that come on strong and everything and you're just thinking. Oh my god. He's just so perfect. Guess what? When a man comes on ridiculously strong And he's also and this is the caveat for you, Amanda If it's also leaning towards a sexual nature Then chances are he's in it for the short run for the sex run. Okay the sex run Men who are actually high quality men high value men whatever you talk about that genuinely want A spouse a wife someone in their life long term. They still look at I am a horny son of a bitch I love to fuck and I want to fuck regularly and it really sucks not having a girlfriend for the last few years So let me just be clear about that. Okay And yes, I have done what most men I have done this in the past. I've done what I call Relationship talk to convince you that sex with me I've done that, but it's usually I'm pushing the sex first I say that I do the relationship talk It's to tee it up But I'm immediately pushing sex most guys will tee up with the relationship talk They'll push for sex and then as soon as they've had the sex they disappear because that's what they were chasing How do you know a man? Is genuinely serious first off If you go out, here's the thing most men who are just in it for the sex Barely will date you three times will barely date you three times So if you go out four five or six most of the time I'm seeing most women at least my clientele They're having sex somewhere between the sixth and tenth date Most men who are in it for the short run Barely make it past the third day. Now. Does that mean the relationship is going to work out? Absolutely not but you have a better chance of weeding them out by basically being a little bit You know, there's an old saying men are the gas women are the brakes Just be a little bit slow in the sex department But if someone is coming on way strong sexually that's usually the sign And again, I'm a horny guy. I like to talk about sex too, but I'm also patient I'm not pushing someone ultimately the right guy waits For when you're ready. That's the bottom line. The right guy waits for when you're ready Not when he's ready when you're ready. Is this sinking in is this resonating? I hope it is Great question, Amanda. Love. Love. Love that Alrighty Michael crying. You made me blush. I would not expect you to go. I'm sorry. I'm reading. Uh, I guess there's a communication going on so Uh kimberley writes How do you date with okay? Great. Okay. How do you date with younger children? I have waited to introduce my child for six months When is too soon for my son was hurt when it came to an end Okay When is the right time to introduce children to your relationship? I'm a believer when two people have agreed to be Monogamous and exclusive and they call each other boyfriend and girlfriend Usually somewhere between the three month and the six month mark would be a good time This is just an arbitrary number But would be a good time to introduce children to this potential partner because here's the bottom line What happens if you wait a year to introduce your children? You've gotten entrenched in the relationship the man meets the children goes. I want no part of this The reality is is if you want to be joined together at some point the children are a part of the process It doesn't take that long to get to know each other Look, it takes roughly 100 hours of face to face time to get to know someone at level one at level one to get to Know them at level one So once you've invested 100 hours of doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests Doing stuff with friends that sort of thing traveling That might be a good time when you feel like this is going and by the way It might be also important to ask is this a serious long-term relationship? Or is this a casual relationship because if something is serious and long term Someone wants to pursue a long term with you I would want to know that before I introduce my child and you could literally say that ladies look at I want to introduce my children to you, but I don't want to introduce them and if this is a short-lived relationship So dude fucking man up and say What man up and say do you are you willing to explore long term? Or is this casual for you because this is if this is casual for you Then and I'm not going to introduce my children quite frankly. I don't want to date you then I mean that's look at ladies. You can do casual relationships all you want I'm not here to suggest you can't do that But I'm here to say do you want a relationship that goes the distance or do you want it to be somebody you used to know? And maybe you can use your children as the backdrop for the conversation because a genuine guy Who knows he's not going to go the distance with you will avoid meeting your children and ultimately He'll probably back out so talk about it sooner rather than later. That's my invitation for you And I make the world go around what do you do? All right, great question kimberley. Thank you so much Genie in the bottle. I paid to have my question answered. It's under jenny. Oh god shoot jenny All right. I didn't see your here. Let me scroll um Do please do me a favor post your actual cut and paste and post your question again Let me find that because there's a lot of activity going on here um So Michelle says nicely said jonah open and honest respect your honesty. Thank you so much Uh, jenny jenny, please. I did ask one of your questions, but do me a favor post it again. I'm so sorry I did not see it Uh, you should never introduce your children unless you know it's going to be a serious relationship. That's I would tend to agree with that Okay, kimberley writes another kimberley. Why is my boyfriend so easy to be against me? Like instead of being supportive when I go back to a toxic friendship, he gets mad at me and puts me down and fights with me Okay, great question That sounds like a man who's deeply wounded and he focuses on Projecting his problems out onto the world. He's not focused. Here's the thing whenever there's That kind of energy it's people are deflecting from their actual own wounds and traumas And they're make they're basically in what I call victim consciousness like what I said before So why does he do that because he is most likely has not healed his deep child? And my bet you anything kimberley this guy has deep childhood wounds and traumas or an adult trauma That's literally to the level of PTSD that has gone untreated. So You should look into how he was raised by his parents is usually a good sign And how much personal development works self-help therapy work. He's done my guess is it's about zero And that's why he's reacting that way and you can't do anything about it You can't do anything about it. He has to work on that stuff for himself. Okay. I'm sorry That's a tough one Because that's a person that can't isn't loving on himself A person who can't love on himself or herself is going to project all their crap This is going back to the book the four agreements. They're projecting all their crap on someone else and that's not healthy I'm sorry. You're going through that kimberley um Let's see Karen writes if a man and woman have been dating for two years and someone who knows them both quite well Refers to the woman as his friend Do you find this odd red flag? Let me repeat this again If a man and woman have been dating for two years and someone you know Someone who knows them both quite well refers to The woman as his friend Do you find that odd? No, I don't why why would that okay? Why can't here's the thing ladies and gentlemen, we should have friends of the opposite sex I want to encourage everybody to have friends of the opposite sex. It's a good thing I'm friends with several women very close friends with them Look at if I'm in relationship with someone and she can't accept I have female friends Then I don't want to be with someone like that. So that's just my personal take on it I'm an if someone I don't see that as a red flag now It's a red flag if he wants to have sex with the friend if the friend wants to have sex with them That's a red flag but not being friends with one another. I see that as healthy. I hope that helps Karen Jody writes How do you keep a long distance relationship going when he's unable to travel due to genuine issues? I travel to him regularly and he pays for my fuel Okay, so those of you know, I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships for a variety of reasons. Okay ultimately Proximity creates continuity doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends That's what needs to happen to build the roots to trust in relationship So what I don't know is how often do you see each other? But ultimately the most important thing to be thinking about in a long distance relationship is how what's What's your plan to take distance to be not a factor? What's your plan to go from two people? Oops. Oh, my armpits aren't showing Oh, it's blocked by that thing two people that live over here How do you get to be in the same hood not living together that how to be in the same hood? If you don't have a plan on how to make that happen That's the demise of long distance relationships People don't make a plan early on on how to take the distance to not be a distance now It's one thing if it's an hour drive It's another if it's a one hour plane ride or a five hour drive or across the country or god forbid another country Okay, ultimately how are you going to take the distance and put it together? That's the most important questions to be talking to one another and not about paying for fuel Although that's a good thing to Talk about how are you going to take the distance to being close? Okay, rosy writes I broke up with my ex a month ago. He contacted me recently I want to break the cycle of on and off. How can the dynamic change for a healthy relationship if we choose to get back together Oh so, oh Then you know what before you the penis goes in the vagina again Both of you read this book eight dates by dr. John and julie gotman eight dates by dr Julie john and julie gotman this book is the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship Why not look at say hey look if we're going to do this if we're going to fucking go down this road again Then let's be intentional about this and this is a great book to learn if the two look at this book And this book are you the one for me? Two great books to decide if it even makes sense to being with one another ladies you ladies you've got to stop chasing The but I have so much chemistry with them and I'm not suggesting you said that But that's usually what's drawing you back together or it might be a cycle Of repeating a pattern rosy You might be you might want to read this book getting the love you want by harbell hendrix and helen hunt Read this book before you choose to get back together because you might just be repeating a pattern of choosing the Wrong person over and over and over again and accepting expecting different results What's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results If you want to do something different then be intentional. Oh, look at my hair. It's all fucked up be intentional about it Okay, why is my hair so goofy? Oh, wow. I really fucked it up right now All right, so did you get down it? Okay, did you get my point? Don't go back and having sex. I got to stand up because of my back Um until you've had a real conversation with one another. All right, let's go. Let's keep going. We got questions Let's keep going. By the way, genie the one I sorry. I couldn't find your question if you have it posted again I'll do my best all right darn it Oh wrote, uh, thank you for answering my question. You're very welcome Thank you. I love the way you answer my question. You're very welcome Leaf says We're diving diving into the Hoffman process next week. It'll be an eye over a deal breaker Also, totally agree with a happy versus right and divorce overstaying in a bad situation. Yes. Yes. Yes all right Carol says do you feel that investing time is the only way to prove to a man that you're not like the woman in his past No, it's not about time. In fact, it's more about the five sexy mindsets. We talk about you want to here's the thing Do your actions match your words? Do you take personal responsibility for your choices? Do you know how to fight fair? Do you have empathy? Are you transparent? Those are just some of the things. It's not time It's connectivity. Are you two connecting with one another? Ladies and gentlemen, I want to say something to you all I witness relationship after relationship after relationship where people are not really friends with one another That's why I highly recommend reading this book making love all the time This is how you develop a deep intimate friendship with a partner And if you're struggling with that then read this book Learn the communication skills Carol read this book non-violent communication by marshal Rosenberg It should have been called compassionate communication But here's the thing Communication is the only way you're going to actually build a healthy happy relationship with someone and it is through Social activities hobbies and mutual interests that we develop the roots the roots to trust It's by doing shit together. That's it's not a time It's the doing of together But sadly most people spend more fucking time on their here on their phones Texting all day long instead of really connecting with one another This is why long distance relationships rarely work because men don't bond over the telephone And so you've known a guy for five months and it's all been text text text text He he bonds this much and you're like you're all in I'm not saying you Carol. I'm just saying in general. So Do these things I suggest and that might help you? Okay Uh Brandy just purchased a super sticker. Thank you so much Do you have a question? Oh, that's so sweet of you for connor. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that um Okay All right. Do we have any more questions bear with me? Let's see. Oh Here, sorry wrong one Sadie writes johnton. What are your views on older women younger men? Well, I was in a relationship with a woman 10 years older than me. She would kill me for saying that publicly um, so And I was madly in love with her I mean That's by the way My madly in love with her is because I suffered from love attachment style If you're not familiar with the book love attachment attached I was reliving my attachment style and my amago which is in the book Getting the love you want by harbell hindricks and hillan hunt. I was reliving my past So I thought I was madly in love with her, but she was 10 years older than me I have friend. I have a couple. I know that there's a 17 year age difference. The woman is older than man I know lots of people that are older women younger men You know what? I don't like this idea age is just the number Because there is a relevance to it. Okay, there is a relevance to it Sometimes you might have cultural differences. Sometimes you might have You know differences in music and differences in activity differences in your values and such that can be a reflection Of when you grew up in society. So it's important to recognize this ultimately the bottom line of how to make it work Is are you intentionally building a relationship together? Are you just invest spending time with one another? Ultimately, I'm a big proponent. Now. Oh, I do want to say one thing If I was oh, where's my my oldest son is 20 he'll be 25 next week um Collin there's he's not today's we're in honor of connor. Okay Um, but collin if I was 25 years old, I would do nothing but be dating older women I would try to date women 10 or 15 years older than me and let me tell you why This is gonna sound Fucking mean, but I'm just gonna say it if I was 25 or 30. I'd be dating women 20 years older than me Why because women 20 years look at women 45 love to have sex love to have sex They probably are on birth control. So you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant They're actually more mature than women, you know in their 20s And you have a built-in exit clause when you want to break up with them You just simply say I want to start a family with someone So if I was 25 The egoic old jonathan would have done this not the jonathan of today, but the old jonathan I would have dated not but women 10 15 20 years older because you can get sex All the time with a level of immaturity without the headaches and baggage and then you have a built-in exit clause It's not very fair, but I'm just telling you that's what a lot of guys do And so be careful dating younger men for that reason But are there plenty of younger men and older women? Absolutely. What I shared wasn't nice, but it's what I've observed Ah great question All right jonathan, yes, where can we go to meet singles over 40 men? All right. So let's just deal with the reality of this question Where do we go to meet people? Well, look at when we're in our 20s Most of us have gone to college. So we're surrounded by single eligible people And then as we age we're in a workforce, but that's our next place to meet people Okay, because the reality is is unless you live in a small town or village You don't know everybody's a stranger and the problem is the older we get the more reclusive we become And we're not around single eligible people. So where are the places to meet? nightclubs not the best place, you know Um, you know, those are places that you can meet people at nightclubs But that's not always the healthiest place to meet someone But that's where ideally on a friday or saturday night you're thinking There's going to be more single people than married people certainly on a saturday night more so than a friday night That's just one place physical place. Okay now golf courses bowling alleys a couple other places You can meet people, but it's hard to meet people when people are doing activities So this is why 90 percent of all first dates are happening through this little device This is where most people are meeting today. I'm not saying it's right, but that especially because of the pandemic That's where most people are meeting today and so, um The reality is is unless you create a circle of friends, it's going to be hard This is the hardest thing about dating is how do you look at I live in a condo complex with 600 units Do you know I barely know any of my neighbors my soulmate could be living right across from me I might I might hook up with her here But only 10 of single eligible people or maybe 20 percent are actually using these devices to connect There's a whole world of people that are just not putting effort out there My invitation is put yourself on every dating site possible so you can be put together a stellar stellar profile So you can be seen by as many possible people and just hope that the right person swipes your way Because I don't know what the secret is out in the world, you know because the reality is this people I went to the grocery store today. I didn't say hi to anyone. Everybody had their masks on I mean that's going to change soon and let's hope that things open up But there's not one single place that people are congregating anymore And certainly the pandemic changed the way we network with people now So just you create a great create a killer create a stellar dating profile So you get lots more men swiping your way and then you can be selective and choosy. Does that help kc? I hope so Michelle says face-to-face communication is the best way to move forward Yes, men do not bond over the telephone Men do not bond over the telephone Oh, yeah, where's dug All right, grace says stop looking for someone someone will appear the law of attraction People appear all day long in our lives. It's it's important to be open and receptive to love So yes, grace that's certainly one way, but I'm also about being intentional Put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people that increases your chances all right Sarah writes What about a man I knew for four months long distance relationship, but the same country last week He blocked me without a reason the problem problem. We did a thing a can't we did Thing a with a cam and he was happy and planned to visit me Yeah, I don't know how to respond to that one. Um I don't know why he blocked you so that those things happen. Sometimes people change their mind. It's just called life The victim blames the other person the victor says hey, I'm gonna deal with it. I'm gonna move on I can't without knowing more detail. Sarah. I can't tell you what happened I can only guess and I have no guess whatsoever Uh Brandy writes in regards to a potential long-term relationship during busy professional season for him How long is too long to wait to meet for the first time? um, okay first off Look at if he has enough time to communicate with you on the phone He has enough time to meet you that's bullshit. Okay Um a lot now it's some people say tax season or whatever But you know what if they have time to communicate on the phone then do yourself a favor Get on FaceTime get on zoom have a zoom date and start connecting with them on zoom I guarantee you this guy is going to back off because here's the thing brandy A lot of humans are very lonely right now and they're desperate for attention Real humans that want a relationship don't fuck around on the they don't fuck around on these devices too long They meet right away. Okay people who don't I don't care the busy life is the bullshit response He likes you enough to stay connected with you But if he really liked you he'd want to meet you right away and I don't care how busy his life is. Okay I lost a child and I still wasn't afraid to meet people So and I I'd have an excuse is what I'm saying But look at no one's life is that busy and if they are then they're not They're not a good person to be in relationship with let's think about that if someone's life is so fucking busy That they can't meet the first time. Why do you want a relationship with someone who has a busy life like that? Sorry, I that's just my curt opinion on that one brandy. I hope that helped um question gt tab 2 If your values are aligned we like same things and our lives are blendable But chemistry is kind of weak what to do any hope and will there grow first off is does he have chemistry for you? Here's the thing I had a friend who was married for 12 years And they went to and they were going they were getting a divorce But they went to therapy and at the therapy session the therapy The the wife said to the therapist. I didn't have chemistry for my guy And then the therapist said to the wife, then you wonder why your relationship had so many problems Here's the thing if you don't feel an energetic connection with your partner Then it's simply a partner for a relationship and not a partner for love or passion And I don't I would prefer to be in a relationship that has love and passion And if it's not you're not feeling it after a while then you have to ask yourself Look at you can choose it for convenience, which is certainly fine We have a lot of relationships that are A mutual exchange But if you're seeking love and passion then you may want to consider an alternative Or you may want to start doing workshops together love workshops together Tantra together do comma sutra together read this book together And find a way to find that passion together But if you're unable if there's a block going on Possibly the block is with inside of you or maybe it's just never going to be there and that happens too But it's okay to be in a relationship of convenience. That's okay too, but you have to ask your heart What does your heart truly want? I prefer love and passion, but that's just me All right um Lily or lea writes i'm a very young almost 60 year old finding men my age or older are not young at heart for me And younger guys aren't emotionally intelligent enough any suggestions. Why is this so hard? Well, you've just actually described what it feels like for both men and women alike when they hit their midlife Is that the reality is is most people after about age 55 do a terrible job taking care of their physical health They have barely we they have weak emotional skills to begin with okay, and um And everybody's trying to find someone younger that they're more attracted to so this is the dilemma we're faced with And now here goes back to one of our problems with these devices. We think we have all these options ultimately the challenge is Look at the most important relationship you have is with yourself That's the most important relationship you have. This is why i'm such a big proponent of self I had to stand up because my back was hurting. This is why i'm such a big proponent of self love Is because that's the most important relationship you're ever going to have is with yourself and ultimately It's like what gray said when you're in a good place the right partner will show up You'll it comes out of the blue when you're in a good place when you're feeling desperate It doesn't happen So i'm not suggesting you're feeling desperate, but i will say this when we're feeling desperate. It won't happen Just enjoy your life put yourself out there Make some effort not a lot just a little bit of effort every day And you might be surprised that how it might just sometimes fall in your lap when you least expect it Because i don't believe in trying too hard But i don't believe in trying not trying at all But what i do believe is a daily practice of personal development self-help and spiritual work Because that relationship with yourself is going to magnify Into attracting the right relationship for you and even if it doesn't happen in this lifetime It'll happen in the next or the next thereafter this journey We're on here on this third rock from the sun we get a lot of chances to do this over again Everybody we may not get it this time. We might get it the next time or the time after and that's okay, too That's my perception anyway Ah Grace writes it's really fun flirting and asking subtle questions before you ever move forward with anyone. I agree Uh Length through your tail lengthen through your tailbone jonathan. Thank you my back Uh Bridge writes i don't mind if relationships break up But i don't like it when the other acts weird and can't break up as an adult and talk about it and stay friends So there's a great book by my friend katherine woodward thomas called conscious uncoupling conscious Uncoupling the five steps to living happily ever after or even after by the way i'm in this book on page 220 my ex-girlfriend. I are in this book Look at our breakup made a book I'm a big proponent of learning how to end a relationship in a kind loving way And if you're in a relationship that isn't going anywhere You may want to get this book to read how to shift out of a unhealthy relationship with a partner or a relationship That isn't going anywhere into a great relationship with yourself and that book helps make that happen Hey, um everyone first off. I want to repeat those five things We talked about for those that came in late first off the five sexy mindsets high value men love and in women Actions matching words takes personal responsibility for one's choices. They know how to fight fair. It's not about being right They have empathy and transparency As I shared about 45 minutes ago Today is my son conners right there 19 or 22nd birthday if he was well first off. He's 19. He passed away at 19 and um This would have been his 22nd birthday and I had a chance to share Little cake with you all little cake right here and take a little bite I want to thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart All the love and support so many of you give me I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate the kindness the care the super stickers the super chats the um Just to name a few the the loving comments as a parent There really is no terrible worst nightmare than having something happen to your child And there's no doubt. I've been suffering deeply But I chose in the honor of conner not to suffer when I say suffer deeply there are moments where I'm hit so hard And those triggers oftentimes are just opportunities to remind me that I had had such a blessed time with him And I'm grateful for every moment, but this is something I don't wish on amny parents And many of you ask how it was an accident. I don't want to go into details, but it was an accident Unexpected didn't get a chance to say goodbye Um, and that's hard. There's nothing harder than losing a child and many of you have lost people in your lives You've lost relationships. You've lost friends. You some of you have less children. You've lost parents We've all been down that road. This is part of life and my hope is as I did that birthday wish for everybody Is my wish from conner is that we all love on ourselves that we love on ourselves That we love on ourselves really quickly This book was dedicated to conner There's his picture in my book that we all love on ourselves and we love others It is be through the love that we will find our way to inner peace And my invitation is every one of you do a daily practice of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can find that love within so you can be prepared It's like a vaccination to emotional chaos and my hope is my channel shifts your perspective in doing more Work on yourself and reading all these books. I recommend because it is through the growth within It's not about finding a relationship as I said before it's about finding the relationship within yourself And I hope everybody does that I think this would be a great place to wrap up today For those five sexy mindsets first off. I want to thank you all first off I'm going to give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We can all use more love in our lives. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart I want to thank lily michelle bridge Kelly tina all those. Uh, let me just say everyone's name. I'm just so grateful for all of you um Kelly there you are leaf. Uh, mirah, uh, julie silvia. I'm amazing. Um, pat Uh, venessa barbara. Thank you michael cry or Going through fast susan jenny. Oh Oh You know what she asked this question before we're gonna we're gonna answer that I just found it Question why are you still single if you know so much about women and how to treat them? First off Okay, first off. I know nothing about women. Women are bat shit crazy from my eyes. Okay Let me just say that I think most women are bat shit crazy But I'm bum. I'm just being silly You know what the truth is is very few women meet this criteria being emotionally mature at number one Number two, um, it's look at I look at I went through a lot of tragedy in the last three years and that time has been spent Focusing on healing myself So it's you know, it's not about You know what it is Here's the thing I just haven't met my person yet That's a just haven't met her yet. She might show up tomorrow. She might show up tonight She might show up tomorrow She might show up a week from now a month from now a year from now or five years from now It doesn't matter when I know she'll find me and I'll find her I just haven't met her yet and for all of us. We just haven't met our person yet There's nothing wrong with being single because as I said before the best relationship you're gonna have is with yourself So I hope I answered that question All right time to wrap up today big hugs to you all have a wonderful evening. We'll talk to you soon Bye. Bye now