 On today's show, the unpredictable, uninhibited comedian Todd Glass. Welcome to the broadcast, I'm David Feldman, DavidFeldmanshow.com. On today's show, Todd Glass, you've seen him on Kimmel, Conan, Seth, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central. Just a terrific comedian, an absolute original. And one of the first people ever to do a podcast, and you can listen to the Todd Glass show, on iTunes, I highly recommend it. He also has a book out, published by Simon & Schuster, called The Todd Glass Situation. A bunch of lies about my personal life and a bunch of true stories about my 30-year career in stand-up comedy. Again, it's published by Simon & Schuster. Why not go to DavidFeldmanshow.com and buy it on Amazon VR website. We'll get a small percentage of that. I want to welcome some new members to Team Feldo, Tom Chapman, Russell Martucci, Mark Rossback. Kevin Kosterer, I hope I'm pronouncing that right. And Derek Bolland, you too can join Team Feldo. By the way, thank you guys for joining Team Feldo. You too can join Team Feldo by becoming a subscriber, $5 a month. You can gain access to all our premium content. This week we have two old episodes featuring Eddie Pepitone and Frank Conniff. They're written by me and Steve Rosenfield. They're funny little sketches from Pepitone Tonight. We had that fake talk show that Eddie Pepitone hosted with Frank as his sidekick. We're locking up The Vault, 1,000 episodes dating back to 2009. We've got to take them down off the server. It's just too expensive. But we're going to be releasing new premium episodes from The Vault. And you can have access to that for $5 a month. We're going to start releasing new premium content and then older episodes. It's definitely worth $5 a month and you'll be supporting this show. It costs money to produce this show. What else? Yeah, you know, I always talk about Amazon. We get a small percentage if you shop on Amazon via the David Feldman show website. It adds up and we would like you to become a subscriber. Smiltrain.org. A lot of my listeners asked me how to contact Smiltrain. They heard the Jimmy Pardo show last week. That's Jimmy's charity. So if you enjoyed last week's conversation with Jimmy Pardo, throw a little cash over at Smiltrain. Smiltrain.org. And not for nothing. I keep getting emails from my listeners telling me how much they enjoyed the Judy Gold episode. So that's on the, that's still available for download. I highly recommend the Judy Gold episode. All our episodes. Hey, this is exciting and it won't cost you any money. We're doing a live taping of the David Feldman show November 10, 2014, 2014, 2015. We're doing a live taping of the David Feldman show November 10, 2015 at 7pm at QED in Astoria with Jackie the Jokeman Martling, Frank Conniff, who you all know, and Esther Koo, she's an hysterical comedian who starred on the Jack and Trime show on Adult Swim this year. We're giving away free tickets to all our listeners. I'm giving away free tickets to my listeners to see a live taping of the David Feldman show starring Jackie the Jokeman Martling, Frank Conniff, Esther Koo. Go to DavidFeldmanshow.com, hit the contact button. By the way, it's working. Our contact button was down. I don't know why, but now it's working so you can contact me and I'll get back to you. If you would like to see a live taping of the David Feldman show November 10, 2015 at 7pm at QED in Astoria, Queens with Jackie the Jokeman Martling, Esther Koo and Frank Conniff, go to DavidFeldmanshow.com, hit the contact button and say, please put me on the guest list for your live taping. It's just that easy. Make sure you give us your email address so we can get back to you and confirm the dates. If you don't live in Astoria, Queens and you know somebody who does, tell them about it and contact me via the contact button and we'll put those people on the list. We're going to start doing more and more live tapings of this show. We used to do it. We used to do live tapings a couple of years back at the Fake Gallery in Los Angeles. We're going to start doing them again and my listeners can attend these tapings for free November 10, 2015 at QED. We're going to do a live taping in Boston, one in Washington, D.C. We're going to do one in Ithaca, New York. We're going to do one in Los Angeles. We're planning a lot of live tapings of this show with special guests. So come out, please. I want to meet you. There were a couple of listeners who came to see me perform at QED two weeks ago. I don't know their names. I forgot their names, but thank you for coming and we had a nice conversation. Actually, they all had PhDs, which was kind of interesting, in nanotechnology. No, two of them had PhDs. One of them only had a master's, only. I gave them some free downloads, which we'll probably do at the November 10th show at QED. We'll probably give out some free downloads of premium content if you come out and support us. Okay, Todd Glass, via FaceTime. Not Skype, not on phone, via FaceTime. Let me know what you think. I think the sound quality is okay. This is a fun one. Todd Glass. Todd Glass is the host of Never Not Funny. His podcast, The Fun, raises money for the Smile Train, which is a great cause. It is a good cause. I know you joke about that, and he's just a quick wit, and I love him. Never Not Funny. Hey, David, can I tell you something? And I'm no disrespect. I think you have the, this is Todd Glass. I know. Yeah, that's, I, okay. And that's the end of that bit, boom, boom. Todd Glass is, well, I wouldn't be doing a podcast if it weren't for Todd Glass. And I say that just to piss off Jimmy Dore. Thank you. Because I used to do your podcast with Jimmy, comedy and everything else. Back in 2009, and I thought, what the hell are you doing? This is like playtime. Yeah, it does. Do you edit it a little? Like this part here, will you edit this out? Oh, no, this is gold. Oh, that's what I thought, but I didn't want to say anything. Are you there? How about some goddamn laps? How about some goddamn laps? Are you there? Yeah, I am here. You're not breaking up. I just feel you're not present. Oh, I'm present, all right. I'm so present. I'm sitting here with a hard on and a bucket of tuna fish, which was coincidentally the name of my first country album. But that's another story. I got a lot of trouble back then. Well, those were different times. Yeah. Country's an interesting word, isn't it? Because the word country, because it's... Yeah, what about it? Well, it's two syllables. Together, they're fine. But when you break them up, it's offensive, like tree. The word tree... That's true. Tree is very offensive to me because it evokes dog urine. What do you want to ask me? Let's get to the meat of this interview. By the way, I only have three hours. Okay, I'm just making an observation about life because I'm changing my... Thank you for the background laughing at my joke. It's the guy who tries to act like he's in a hurry to have up her hand, but the truth is he has nothing to do. I got three hours and then I got to go. So the word country is kind of funny because it's like together those two syllables work, but separately the word tree is offensive. Kind of like, you know what? Hang on, hang on. Madam Secretary, right? I can call Hillary Madam Secretary. But if I call her a Madam or a Secretary, I'm George Carlin. What do you want me to say here? I want you to say, David, that's so funny. Well, I love you too much to throw you in the wrong direction. All right. Where are you performing? I mean, it's cute. It's cute. Do you like cute? I like cute. No, I'm serious. It's adorable. If you were my son and you were doing jokes, I'd say, God damn it, I think you got something. Todd Glass. And by the way, I'm not lying. I think you're the funniest person in the world. I do think you're very, very funny. Not the funniest in the world. No, James Adomian is the funniest person in the world. Well, Eddie Pepitone, James Adomian, but no, I do think you're very funny and I love hanging out with you. So I'm not trying to be like, if something's funny, I'll let, but I thought you were doing that I was. I was. Of course I was. Of course I was. Because you know what, one time you got me, David, it was like four years into cell phones or five or whatever it was, it was way past. Everybody had a cell phone when you did this. It might have been 10 years ago. And you looked at me when I pulled myself and I go, oh, excuse me. And I was like, what? And you go, I'm kidding. I go, oh, Jesus. I was like, how far behind is this guy? I still do that. You were doing a bit. Yeah, I still do it a bit. By the way, it gets funnier the more the years roll around. Somebody pulls out a cell phone. Whoa, someone's having a good year. Is that Hollywood calling? No. I do that now. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I have to. This is my cell phone. I know, I know, but I do have to take this call. Oh yeah. By the way, I do it too and I never give you credit. And one time somebody said, doesn't David Feldman do that? And I punched him in the dick. And it was Sarah Silverman. Hey, you know, I sent jokes out and I like to give jokes away. And I gave this, SNL didn't do this joke. Tracy Morgan was on this week. Which I loved. Right. And they didn't do this joke. I thought this would have been funny because the week before they had Amy Schumer, right? So last week we had the Star of Train wreck and this week we have the Star of Car wreck. Car wreck? Yeah. That would have, you would think he would have done that joke, right? Yeah, yeah. No, seriously. When would that have been? No, no, that's a funny joke. Maybe, how do you know they got it? You mean not get the joke? Yeah, how do you know they got the joke? Like received it? Where do you send these jokes? Oh, I don't know. But, how's Sarah? I can't talk about it. Now I'm on a legal binder. Something happened. Okay. Can I tell you the truth? I slept at her house because I was too, you know, I've been drinking a little. I want to drive home. And I woke up and she had her hand down my pants. So, and that's all I'm allowed to say. That's all I'm allowed to say because of her lawyers and my lawyers and everything. It's a fucking mess. I hate it. It's weird sleeping over at Sarah's and saying because I can't drive home because she has a mobile home. So she could have just driven you home. No, that is true too. Is that cute? No, that's adorable. I don't want my bit to be that I'm making fun of you because that's not what I do. I don't want it to be like, oh, I'm, you know, me. I don't like when people come on my podcast and want to roast me. So I don't want to roast you. I don't like being roasted. By the way, I've never done your podcast. I did it with a guest host. Oh, right. You did it with Daniel Kino. I'm the only podcast, by the way, secure enough. You know, when Johnny Carson used to take vacations, he'd have guest hosts. Leno never did it. And no podcast never do it. Sometimes when I can't do my podcast, someone fills in for me. And you know what? Because I'm not scared. You know why they're not going to do a good job like me? Because you know how? I tell Aristotle to make sure of it. Aristotle? He's the producer of the show. Is that really his name? I know it is his name. It's a great name, and I love having him on my show because Aristotle. And he has a dog, and his name is, I think, David. And his name is Aristotle. You've got to love it. This is not interesting. It is. I had guest hosts on my show. What if my niece and nephew find this podcast in 30 years, and they go, hey, what was your uncle Todd like? And they go, well, let's play this podcast. Yeah. And not because of you, because of me. I just want to get to some good, needy. What do you want to ask me? I'm so ready. Okay. First of all, we asked... Take your time. It's your show. Don't let me lead. Okay. We asked our Twitter and Facebook followers and people who go to my website to ask questions for Todd Glass. We solve people's problems. Thank you. We do. So we have about 10 questions. And before we get to them, I want to plug your podcast and where you're going to be performing next. Oh. Well, my podcast is the Todd Glass show. People might have seen me on Tosh Poignot, The Daily Show, Louie. I tour with people like Sarah Silverman, Daniel Tosh, David Cross, Louis CK. And when I'm not touring with other people, I do my own club dates where I headline around the country. In fact, I'm going to be soon coming up to the DC improv Halloween weekend, I'll be at the Washington DC improv getting ready for my Netflix special that I'll be shooting in December. Then I'm off with some Jim Gaffigan. I'll be doing all Jim Gaffigan dates in Boston. Then I'll go to DC and do that date we just talked about. And then I'll meet up with Jim Gaffigan again in Minneapolis and do all those Minneapolis dates. Check me out. I'll be at the Austin Velvita Room, the 20th and 21st of November. It's always a lot of fun and that's a great room with a good energy and just a great vibe in that room. And that's it for now. And then I will be the day after Christmas. I'll be at the Comedy Cabaret in beautiful Bucks County. Two shows, the 26th of December. Bucks County. Is that in Pennsylvania? Yes. Wow. And the Velvita Room, is that where Kenison and Hick started? Yep. How big is that room? That room holds about 100 people. I'll be doing five shows, so don't get any ideas. Okay. Our first question for Todd Glass comes from Howard Greenberg, who listens to us in New Jersey. Hi, Howie. He says, my girlfriend can never admit she's wrong. Is that a trait that women solely possess? That's a good question. Well, first of all, let me stop and save this. I do honestly try to figure out people's, help people with what I call tangible advice, like not the type of advice that you can implement right away, like a clean, do I do it all the time? No, but I try to. And it's not because I think I'm perfect. I have my problems, but I go to other people that I trust. And to get feedback from your friends that's honest, every friend, if you're hanging around a good group of people, will give you honest feedback. But the more you turn it down, not every time, sometimes someone gives you feedback and you don't like it. But if 100% of the time people come to you and go, you know what, Todd, your friend was right, or you were wrong here, and you put it off and you deny it every time, they're going to stop giving you feedback. So the way to get honest feedback is when you get it, accept it. Because if you don't, they'll stop giving it. And then you'll get friends. Everyone has their own problems. So if you're going to fight correction, people aren't going to give it to you. They're going to come to you, they're going to say it, and then you're going to go, yeah, but blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But do people sometimes criticize you because they want to hurt you? Because they want to what? Hurt you. In other words, have you ever been, has anybody ever given you constructive criticism and after a while you realize, you know what, this person is just effing with me? No, no. Never. You don't think people do that? Well, I'm sure everything happens, but if my friends do that at my age I think it's saying more about me and that's the people I surround myself with. Do you think it's possible that, hang on for one second, do you think it's possible that somebody can be criticizing you and at one point you have to finally say, you know what, I just don't think you like me? Yeah, or couldn't you just slowly move away without having that conversation? If somebody criticizes you every day, if they have one criticism for you every day and they're either your girlfriend, your wife, your boyfriend, your friend, they always have a criticism for you. Is that a problem? I'm adding on to this question, by the way, sorry. Yeah, we'll go back to your question in New Jersey. Well, I'm trying to answer this simply. Yeah, that could happen, but why would you... You know what, here's what I say. I take criticism from people that love me, so yeah, if somebody... I don't know, criticism, it sounds like such a hard word that sometimes it's just going, oh, don't do that, or you know what, let that go. No, I don't think if people constantly are giving you advice or a little... Advice doesn't have to be to sit someone down for three hours. Advice can be like, you know what, I'm going to tweet back at that person and tell them blah, blah, blah, and you have a friend go, Todd, don't tweet back, just don't. Little things like that? No, that's called honest friendships. As long as there's equal amount of love and admiration, I don't care. So let's go back to that person. Okay, is this a trait that my girlfriend can never... What? The question is, my girlfriend can never admit she's wrong. Is this a trait that women solely possess? So he's asking, because this is a cliche that women have a problem. First of all, I don't think so and I can answer that actually from an honest perspective. The question should be to anybody in a relationship or a friend. No, I don't think women, because all the things that over the years I heard comedians say like, oh, women, women are like this, women are like that. As a guy who was in a relationship, keep this, don't tell anybody this, with another guy because I was living that lifestyle. We have all the same problems. That's interesting. By the way, does your wife Carol know? What do you say on stage? Hold on, I just talked about this. But let me go a little long here. So it's not, it's anybody in a relationship, that old joke was, oh, you know, gay people have it great because it's just two guys hanging out. Yeah, but when you're in a relationship with that other person, whether it's guy, guy, guy, girl, there's more of an investment. So it isn't any different. All the things that people say, oh, women do this and men do that. It's just, don't you think women in two women in a relationship deal with the same thing that a man and a woman deal with or a woman and a man or a man and a man. It's all, it's relationships. It's not, and I'm not saying women are different, but it's not as overdramatic as people say. People tend to be, there's secure people and there's insecure people. There's evolved people and there's un-evolved people. There's depressed people. I don't think there's lots of men and women. All right, let me, okay, Todd, we're talking with Todd Glass and we're getting your questions on the internet. Hold on one second. Shut the fuck up. No, I'm doing a podcast, Carol. This marriage is doomed. It's always something with you. It's always something, Carol. Jesus Christ. Sorry, I had to deal with something. Your marriage is just... Okay. I don't want to do too many, but you go, you go. The stereotypes of men who I hang out with and that I want to move on. But I have a question. Is that women cannot admit they're wrong, that for them it's like just total defeat? Have you heard that? Because I hear that a lot. No, I just... Coming out of my mouth. I hear that a lot. By the way... I just seem to hear that a lot. I'm affectionately telling you this, David. I just told you I don't think that's right. Okay, now... And by the way, if you want to hang around people that are fun to be around and evolved and caring, don't say shit that attracts women. Don't say shit that attracts people that have misconceived thoughts. And that feeds that type of thing. Oh, women do this, men do this. It's like at best it's a bad premise for a comedy bit. Men do this and women do that. That's why whenever you're a comedian, say guys, can you do me a favor? I know the bit's gonna suck. It's like all guys, hey ladies, can you... Oh, why do I know brilliance isn't going to ensue after the setup. And you're right about the laws of attraction. About if you keep... I always say if you keep making dirty jokes, all you're gonna write are dirty jokes and if you keep writing clean jokes in conversation, you make cleaner jokes. Well, you do. You gotta say, you know, who does your comedy feed? That's what I always say. And not that I haven't made mistakes and go back and look at my old work. I'm like, oh, fuck, I wish I could take that off the internet. But you gotta ask yourself, are you a comedian or regular people? Who does your... What does your conversation... Who does it draw? And you either feed... Look, I'm saying this sloppily because if I'm so above, why would I call people stupid? But I'm gonna lazily say it. Whatever you put out there... We call them retard Americans. That's the most above way you can say that. Who are you feeding? Who are you feeding? What comes out of your mouth? Do you feed intelligent people or do you feed stupid people? Because that's... You can't lie. If you're a comedian and your audience is dumb, you can't not take responsibility for that. Or if you're just a regular person and all your friends, you're always going, all my friends are annoying and stupid. You don't think that has anything to do with you? Okay, next... Oh, New Jersey. So my question to you is... If I would answer that as just... Can some people admit they're wrong? Some people don't. There you go. It's that simple. Now, you're a comic who everybody loves, Todd Glass. Thank you. I appreciate that. Because a lot of times, you're right and the audience is wrong. And you give me the courage to do the things that I think are funny but the audience may not enjoy. Say, you know, Jimmy Pardo was on last week and same thing with Jimmy. Would you say that you're willing to admit you're wrong comedically? When do you... Because if the audience isn't laughing, sometimes you'll still do the bit. So when do you admit you're wrong comedically? You know what? I will say this. I don't know why I started it that way. I don't think it's cute to bomb. And I don't want to bomb. I like doing well. And I think that will mean that when it happens it's because I really think it's funny. I would never purposely do a bit because, oh, get it, only the comedians are laughing in the back of the room. No, I don't like doing bad on stage and you shouldn't. And you might think, well, who the fuck wouldn't? I mean, there's some people like, no, I want to do well. But I've learned over the years that and my podcast has certainly helped this because it's only you trusting your instincts to when it's not to plow through it and do it for the people that are enjoying it. But I don't think it's cute. I don't think it's like, oh, yeah, I'm bombing. No, I want to fucking... I want to kill. I want to do great. And I don't want to blame the audience all the time. So I take responsibility a lot on stage, even in front of the audience. I'll even say it jokingly. I'll be, see that last thing I just did? I take responsibility for that. I'm not going to turn and go, oh, this crowd sucks. Then two minutes later, when I'm mad at them, I go, nah, this one you got to fucking eat. Right, right. I don't enjoy bombing. I've just gotten used to it. Chet Melnick, that can't be a real name, writes in... Chet Melnick, that's a fake name. Todd, my wife is always afraid that somebody is ripping her off. She fights with cab drivers, bank tellers, et cetera, et cetera. How do I tell my wife to dial it back without her taking it as criticism? Geez, all your audience, all they do is, all they do, your whole audience just complains about their wives. Well, I do notice, I know, I notice this, there are people if you're in a... It doesn't have to be a bad old wife, but you ever see people who give directions to cab drivers, and they know the best route. Like Holly Hunter in broadcast news, and they're just, they're so... Yeah, well, you know... Most, but isn't that the old like five and dime therapy figuring that out? Most people who think that everyone's ripping them off, isn't it probably a little true that it's because they're ripping everybody else off, so they think, why wouldn't anybody else act like them? Yes! Projection. You're projecting your evilness on others. Right? Yes. 365-4100 will take your calls as Todd, he'll be right back with us. Hey, have you been to the new Cheesecake Factory at the Grove? I'll tell you what. They make all their own sauces, and they get there early in the morning to do it. The Grove and the Cheesecake Factory opt to... Say what? Anything you eat at that Cheesecake Factory, you're gonna eat it, and you're gonna go, how do they do it? The Cheesecake Factory, good for Christmas or any... Okay, that's it. I'll try to do like an in-house read. But yes, so I think I answered the New Jersey guy's question maybe and this guy about his wife, she thinks everybody's ripping her off. By the way, that five and dime reference I love going to the five and dime because everything is either a nickel or a dime. It's so much cheaper than the 99 cent store, right? Yeah, you gotta update that term. By the way, I don't think five and dimes were open when I was a kid. Well, they probably were. They were probably on their way out at that time. But I should call it 99 cent store therapy. Yes. By the way, I shop at the 98 cent store. Now, the service isn't as good as the 99 cent store. But, you know, it's really worth the savings. It really is. I hate my laugh. Let's go with another question. I'm very excited to get one. Bob Hoffman. I want to get one. I really want to sink my teeth in. This is interesting. I think this is a gay question because it reads like this. It's a what question? A gay question because it reads like this. My boyfriend is constant. It's funny. Funny shit. Thank you. My boyfriend is constantly talking to his boyfriends about his relationship with me. I feel that it is an invasion of our privacy because we go to parties and I have to see his friends. But he says we're only as sick as our secrets. Who's right? Who's wrong? You know, I think I'm going to go out on a limb here and answer all these questions. Clean them all up. Are you ready? Yes. By the way, I don't give advice because it's perfect. I've done a lot of mistakes in my life but maybe in this area I've done a good thing. No, no, no. Look, I know you're kidding but I... You are. You're a good friend. You know what's important. You're a good friend. You are. But like everybody else, I have my shit. I have my bad cycles I get into. I have bad habits. I'm not saying this but in one area I think I've done a good thing. The people you murder, we're going to die anyway. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Play your jingle. We call that a podcast. Listen, so... I think this is... This is an interesting question. I'm going to answer it. I'm going to answer it. This is mostly all about communication and listen, I know some people like sort of shit on therapy and you don't...I'll get to your answer just be patient with me here because I think they answer all of it. The relationship go to couples counseling. And it really helped. And I'm going to even echo the words of Dr. Phil. You might think, why, it muddies this up but I actually respect him. I go to him, by the way, by the way, Dr. Phil I go to for all my weight loss and hair loss advice. You're done. Don't get in the way. But when you go to counseling it's not fake. It's all about communication. Now there's different counseling for different people but I'm talking about couples counseling. If you go and you don't fight it if you go wanting to change you can make miraculous changes very quickly. Keep in mind, a lot of people go there fighting and once you read the benefits of getting on the other side it's just like anything. Once you quit smoking it does get easier because you see the other side of it. It's hard getting off drugs because you're not reaping the benefits of having a clean head but everyone that gets off drugs usually will tell you, oh, it does get easier once you reap the benefits of getting off the drug. And it's the same thing with couples counseling. Once you learn and you listen you don't fight it and you learn communication skills and you learn it really does fucking make a difference. So all these questions are about communication. I guarantee you we're not hearing we don't know if they're telling the right version of it. If the other person was in the room they'd go, well, that's not what he does. He's saying in his question all my wife does is this we have the other person in the room they might go, well, that's not what happens. So if you're having trouble in your relationship you don't be a good skier by wanting really fucking bad to be a good skier. It's the same thing you're not answering the question. Yes, I am. The boyfriend says this and then what was it? It was all like in this but I guarantee it's all communication like they're not they're telling they're asking a question but I don't even know what but repeat the question again and I want to make sure I answered correct. You know I don't repeat the question again you talk about communications but you're not listening to me and I feel well because there's times not to listen. That's my next poll. It seems to me that in a relationship there's one person who doesn't talk to his or her friends about the relationship and there's another person in that relationship who's constantly going back to his or her friends and saying this is where we are in our relationship and we do this and we did that but he or she didn't do this is that fair to say that in a till... I can answer that. My mom does that sometimes. Hang on for one second. Hang on let me ask my question. I'm asking this guy's question. Is it fair to say that in most relationships there's one person who keeps everything bottled up inside doesn't share what's going on in that relationship and that there's the other person in the relationship is off talking to close friends about the relationship and getting advice and the person who keeps everything bottled up inside doesn't appreciate that the partner going off and talking about the relationship. Is that typical of a relationship? I think it is. I think it depends in the relationship where somebody is doing that and by the way I'm sure this person is not saying if it was done once in a while they probably wouldn't be playing. So I'm going to guess that the other person is constantly doing it and of course that's dangerous because my mom does that. When she's having trouble with her husband she tells everybody and then when they make up and they work it out they go to every place knowing every little detail and sometimes it is okay to share something with a friend but other times you don't have to, I mean that's sort of a no-brainer you don't have to tell everybody every goddamn time there's an argument because some things are then they don't need to know it. Does that make sense? Yes. Are we as sick as our secrets? Everybody's perception is the reality and I know by talking to you on the phone Dave that you your perception is major your reality because when you ask these questions you don't realize that even if it's 25% of couples that are in healthy relationships you know what I mean by healthy, you still argue but you can be in a surprisingly good relationship but when you ask the questions you're like isn't it true that all couples you don't realize oh there's not all, not all. Just the ones that are, you know. Oh my god it's Avi Lieberman Is that true? Yeah, yeah, hang on how do I merge these? No please. I know, alright. He talks about Jewish things I know. I'm trying, I want him to book Gilbert Gottfried in Israel Gilbert's never, I think has Gilbert played on? Can I tell you something about Avi Lieberman who obviously like everybody I love? We love Avi. When I went to, I'm not a political comedian but when I went to Israel and I saw that the women are on one side, can you hear me? Yeah. On the wailing, is it the wall? What's the wailing wall? Yeah and I saw women on one side and men are on the other and I went oh no wonder they have fucking problems they can't get along with other countries, they can't even respect each other. Women go on this side and men go on the other. If a little kid did that you go stop it but they get the women are over there and the men are over there so I told Avi about that and I said also like in the synagogue how the women in certain I guess not modern but in the Orthodox synagogues the women sit in the back or they wear the wigs and he goes oh that's not because it's not equal it's because the women will distract the the rabbi because if they're beautiful and I said I have an idea tell the rabbi to put his dick in his pants and grow the fuck up and let the women sit wherever they want. Exactly and there's a very great comedian who we may or may not have mentioned in the show today whose sister is a brilliant rabbi who I believe was stoned. Sarah Silverman. I'm not going to but but somebody's sister I think had is a rabbi and had rocks thrown at her for trying to pray on the wrong side of the wall right? I didn't know that but you know what good for them it proves that my instincts were right that's so oh we can't get along with these people you can't even respect yourself stop it already it's not even that complicated you know some social issues you gotta go stop it stop it already with this men and the women shit stop it you made it up you made it up everybody's born equal end of story anything after that you've created so grow up if I spanked which I don't believe in spanking I'd go over and I'd spank you and go stop it stop it already you fucking idiots. Okay women sit over there and men sit there fucking grow up and cut the shit am I right ladies? am I right hello? um but here's something in Hoffman's question here he says let me ask you because I want to do a follow up because I agree with him he says, Bob Hoffman says we're only as sick as our secrets I agree with that that we're only as sick as our secrets because I remember when Franklin Roosevelt finally leveled with everybody and said I've got polio folks I've been keeping it secret but I've got polio and the minute he revealed that secret he stood up and started walking hey by the way who wouldn't agree with that first of all how embarrassing that the president of the united states they didn't want everyone to know that he was in a wheelchair because it would make him look weak as opposed to making him look like a superhero for every kid that maybe had that same uh you know that had polio or whatever their situation was to put them in a chair to go fuck you could be the president of the united states and be in a wheelchair that's that's that's the society we lived in bunch of morons right so do you think we're only as sick as our secrets of course that's why sometimes when I'm on a podcast where they want you to talk about things that you might have kept a secret or you don't talk about I always think it's healthy and I always remind myself why am I talking about this Todd just because you like to hear yourself talk or is it important and then I now sometimes I just like to hear myself talk but other times I think of course you know people say oh back in the day people didn't have all the problems they have now yes they did they just kept it bottled up and guilt guilt guilt can drank all their problems away yeah everything was a secret then I have a joke in mind about they wouldn't even say underwear they called it unmentionables what could have come good from a bunch of buffoons that were embarrassed to say underwear but meanwhile black people couldn't sit on the front of the bus you think you really were fighting for the right cause you dumb fucks in defense I'm not saying Rosa Parks was wrong but I'm saying it is a much smoother ride at the back of the bus I'm just saying it's a much have you ever sat in the front of a bus it's much more comfortable in the back again thank you she should be able to sit anywhere she wants but the back is a smoother ride well speaking of alcohol is an AM writes in I'm an alcoholic my 15 year old son is starting to drink a little should I tell him that I'm an alcoholic and then I'm worried that he carries my gene or this is funny or should I check with my wife to make sure he's really my son I have funny listeners you know what I like I have smart listeners you don't have people try to be funny and you go stop it but I have it like there's a guy named Nick name who tweets me I've actually there's a joke he gave me that I actually use in my act I don't know who Nick name is I have very smart clever listeners that's a funny question right that is of well it is at the end of all that or should I not even bother yeah um should you tell your should you tell what do you tell a 15 year old child who's starting to like my answer okay I there proves that I will sometimes shut up I I think that's a really good question and I think if you went to the right person you could answer that and and implement a plan that would be crystal clear and and the best way to deal with it and I don't know what that is I don't know what that is usually honesty leads to the best thing and I'm sure it's based in being honest with your child but I don't know the details of that whenever I have a question like that I have a friend Kevin I call him almost doctor Kevin because he's not he doesn't have his license yet but he I've been loving him he's a friend I've known since I was 18 he just recently became he's going for his degree whenever I have a problem it's amazing how quick he can untangle it for me doesn't mean I have to come into therapy every week but I'll call him I'll give him a call and I'll be like hey I'm dealing with this situation and will give me tangible advice that I can implement right away and I think that's one of those questions I don't I have a friend who has a degree to who helps a black belt and he just beats the shit out of people but what's he getting a degree in child therapy okay helping therapy but my point is that it's amazing how like it could be something bigger little I could be going home and maybe something's happening Thanksgiving at my house my mom wants to do this my brothers want to do that it's amazing when I call him and if I shut up and listen he'll do some things and majority of the time I hang up going wow I would have never thought about that I didn't think to start with my brother and not deal with my mom or call I was like wow or pull back and not deal with it all it's not my responsibility but man Kevin is a major help in my life what do you say to a 15 year old kid who is having a drink or smoking a joint I don't know the answer to that is it wrong you do deal in black and white you are one of the things I love no there's a lot of gray areas in life I don't know the answer to that I I I don't know I don't think they'd be smoking in front of you isn't the question if you found out they were smoking well Shakespeare says all all life is the all the world's a stage right right you know I think it's from Macbeth but the thing is we have roles to play in this world so if you're an adult and you see a 15 year old drinking alcohol or smoking dope is your role aren't you supposed to say hey you're too young to be drinking what do you mean oh well yeah I guess in front of you yes but I thought you meant the child's drinking in front of him or did he find out why would the kid smoke pot in front of his dad that doesn't even make any sense let me ask you a personal question did you hear me did you hear me say it suggests to me that the parents probably drink and smoke dope right most likely I mean even kids that aren't the brightest in the world usually inherently know to not drink and smoke in front of their parents now if it's like in certain cultures where they do let the kids have some wine at a young age I would implement the same rule by the way my mom did with pot like you know she let us smoke pot in front of her once when we were very young and I admire for it because some people have found that with drinking to let kids have a little bit of wine I think pot is the same thing but again I'm not sure so I love giving advice but I'm sure I'd be a little off without a deal with it I'll get to the next question but I have a question for you I was at a party and a 21 year old friend it was like family friends and a 21 year old friend of my daughters walks up to me and he's got a beer in his hand and he's obviously just smoked a joint and he's got a cigarette in his hand and he's going hey how's it going man what are you up to dude and he's talking to me like that and I made small talk with him for you know five minutes and then I went off into the corner and said to my wife does he get off talking to me that way and she goes what I go how dare a 21 year old walk up to me with you know obviously stone from pot holding a beer and a cigarette and talk and so that became like you're wrong I was told you're wrong he's 21 he can talk to and I felt like saying to him I didn't but like F you how dare you talk to me did this really happen yes swear to God yeah I gotta be honest like hey by the way except for this I mean look you know smoking obviously is not good for you so let's move past that so I would be happy that a 20 year old wanted to come up and talk to me I like having all and by the way 70 year olds can be fucking stupid too so we're talking about but I'm supposed to be talking to you'd like to be interesting articulate aware of you know the surrounding so let's just say it's advice for anybody so he went to elementary school he went to elementary school with one of my kids I've known him since he was a kid and I'm supposed to be cool with him being stone drunk and smoking is he interesting did he say anything interesting was he enjoyable to talk to I couldn't get past the fact that he was stone drunk and smoking a cigarette no I think by the way you should do whatever works for you this is not and believe me if I didn't I'm not just saying that to be passive aggressive but if it was me if somebody's interesting hey I hang out with comedians that are sometimes 18 years old newer comedians granted that not all but some are 18 some are 19 a lot of 21 22 when you go on the road and if they're interesting they might not be where I'm at on stage yet but offstage comedians a comedian you're hanging out with a three-year comedian or so all right I like being around all ages I don't want to get to the point in my life where I'm not hanging out with every age so I'm all right with that I think your wife was right okay but the other thing and this is true he called me David instead of Dr. Felden because he's I've always told him I was seriously he's always thought I was an ophthalmologist I lie to a lot of my kids friends because I didn't want them to know he was a comedian you know seriously so I was always Dr. Feldman around him and I think I deserve the respect that I should receive had I gone to eight years of medical school and done the internship and to call me David instead of Dr. Feldman the fact that I'm not really an ophthalmologist he doesn't know that I'm not an ophthalmologist okay can I tell you I got an email here from somebody it says dear Todd my friend's parents lie says that he's an ophthalmologist do I need to fucking go to my death with this or can I just walk up to him at the next party even if it takes me getting drunk lighting a cigarette and smoking pot and call him by his real fucking name like I know he is so this I think might be the person in your email only hitting me from another angle actually yes but okay there's an old episode but that's that's I was making a joke but people who listen to this show know of my history David I'm really I gotta interject I'm really surprised at you I'm being totally genuine that like and again if an if a 90 if an 80 year old came up and had a cigarette and it was blowing in my face and no of course but it's not age related no I guess it is yes it is it when an 80 year excuse me for one second time if an 80 year old walks up to me blowing smoke in my face it kills the stench of the shit in their pants because 80 year olds every 80 year old shits themselves and they all stink hello I rather smell I rather smell cigarette smoke than 80 year old poo hey let me tell you something I stopped saying an age that was 30 years past mine when I was 20 I thought 50 year old did shit when you're 80 you know what's gonna happen when you're 80 you're gonna go wow I still feel like I'm just in your head and your heart so does it bother does it bother you because it really bothers me that I'm not even like one 100th as funny as James Adomian does it do you ever I mean you're very funny but is James Adomian the funniest man in the world well I mean I think there's a slew of those guys that are like that for me like I said but you know Eddie Pepitone Brian Regan James Adomian that just Andy yeah it certainly makes me when I see them work harder it it makes me because it all comes into I think they tap into their core of what makes them funny I don't think they thought it out obviously but if you're going to be analytical about it so it makes you go just whatever your makes you funny tap into it you're not going to be do you get jealous do you get jealous oh of course I do I get fucking get jealous but like I said just you know it just reminds me to again it doesn't remind me oh you should write more you should no no no no it reminds me make sure you're tapping in because that's what those guys have done they tap into their to their guts kindler Pepitone you know all those guys okay and Kirkman I feel does that um you know do you love watching comedy I was watching Jessel Nick special the the other night you know Jessel Nick is absolutely hysterical for some reason I just avoided watching him I don't know why just because I think we look alike I love Anthony but I haven't seen the special but the funny thing is I'm watching it tonight with some friends because they're like I want to watch that special too I love watching comedy I do I still love it whenever I meet a comedian sometimes on the road I don't like watching comedy anymore maybe you're watching the wrong comedy because like I was just in Atlanta and I went around a few of the one-nighter shows you know I got in town two nights early it's wow it's amazing like there's a lot of funny new comedians yeah I I love watching hey there's times when I you know I love about Jessel Nick he does nothing to make you like him it's just it's like you have to accept him completely on his terms and he's not asking to be liked it's great it's uh of course he wants to be liked but I know you mean like you're not you're not on stage uh Anthony just did my podcast a few weeks ago and you know what I like about Anthony he also has a very silly side like he has that other side of him but also on the podcast if you listen to it he was he totally did like silly bits and went along with bits and you know took him took him down the same path I like to take him and did great at it you know maybe one day I'll do your podcast anyway here's a question yes Todd glass no something man I can't even read the name here my boyfriend is always late he makes all the money in the relationship and says that's the cause for his I can't read this and says that's the cause for his lateness is from being tied up at work let me my boyfriend is always late he makes all the money in the relationship and says he's apparently he's late because he's working should I be more sympathetic to his being late or is it a power trip so I guess the question is the boyfriend makes all the money so when he's late he says hey I'm working I'm entitled to be late is that a can I can I tell you I'm gonna answer this question and look we'll never run out of stuff to talk about I'm being totally honest with you it's it's echoing something I said a second ago and it's not the premise of your whole show so if I don't answer these questions we can go down another path we'll have enough to talk about I hate these questions and I'll tell you why because you're giving shit advice sometimes a question can be good over the you get an email you can really but all these questions have to do with tone and and and and how late this person is say I feel like I don't want to give half-baked shitty advice it's your chickening out here and you do give good advice yes you are your chickening out I'm not if I say to you okay you and I are in a relationship don't back away from this because this was by the way a television show that we pitched that never got sold so let's let's commit because I would hold on because there's too many look David you have people that listen to your show there's going to be people now and I like to say this and then we'll move forward that are going to go Todd's right and there's going to be people that like go David's right no answer the question that's what you're doing you're doing a little thing and you're answering some questions but it's there's too many there's too many levels and things all right I think this is a good quote my listeners took the time to write these questions and they deserve I'm not making fun of your listener for writing the question I'm hold on let me make that really clear I'm not I'm not giving them I'm not making fun of them for writing the question knowing all the specifics of it and be able to ask five questions to her and five questions to him and how often this happens and because there's going to be legitimate times without being sexist because it could be two guys in a relationship and one's the breadwinner but so you don't know if it's a power trip unless you ask 15 questions I'm going to ask you this question I see what this person is asking is lateness a power thing is that is that fair to say to some there are hang on for one second Todd glass before you interrupt me you and I are in a relationship okay you make all the money I'm at your mercy financially okay you're always late and you use the fact that you're working and making all this money as an excuse for your lateness and I'm asking you as the person who doesn't make as much money as you to be a little more empathetic to me and not say that because okay I think I think it's wrong first I'm going to give you an answer I think it's wrong go ahead I'm going to answer and this is why they didn't buy our show because you you're not I'm kidding but this would have been a good show that's not true at all I would do it right if I had a show I would I don't like to send people that have problems back to their relationship causing more but I will answer your question but I'm going to answer it indirectly so let me just you know my I talk long but if you had this person and both people in the room you could establish some things like are they late when it comes to going out to dinner on the weekend when it has nothing to do with work obviously in isolated situations if work is the type of work where they call you last minute and they ask you to do things and you're running late you would hope the person would be sympathetic to that but if you had both parties in the room you could instantly establish how are they when they're going out to dinner on the weekend how are they when they're planning on meeting up friends for movies so if the person said yeah they're late always well then you find that instantly it doesn't always have to do with their work and then you can address it properly so let's do with their work most people that are late I used to be late all the time I got out of that habit you have to get something out of it now I don't know what it is but no one is late all the time people don't tend to do things that don't service them well and it isn't considerate and it's I have I have this game for it member John Keesack in broadcast news when she's like dodging drawers and trying to get that tape delivered to playback in broadcast news I don't but go ahead I'm late because I get off on the thrill of not being late you know what I'm saying I've talked about this with my shrink so what I'm trying to correct being late and one of the reasons I'm late it's not a power thing I like to squeeze as much into the day as I possibly can but I also that's why I'm late but I also get off on the thrill of not being late you know what I'm saying do you want me to answer that honestly if you saw the direct like if you hit your hand with a hammer you instantly see the pain that that causes but if you hit your hand with a hammer and that pain sometimes happen a day later a week later you might keep hitting your hand with a hammer but because you instantly see the pain that causes you stop that behavior and if you saw the ramifications that happened because of that stupid fucking thing you like to do by showing up late you'd cut it out because it's not servicing you well in the big picture what if I like to establish dominance by being late you wait for me I don't wait for you well if it services you right then it seems to be liking your life keep doing it you know anything I'm gonna argue with you on the phone like a fucking idiot do it if it treats you right and you're meeting the people you like and you're getting into relationships and they seem to you seem to be happy and you're getting along with your kids or you're getting along with everybody and it seems to service you right I wouldn't fucking stop it in a heartbeat just keep doing it if it's treating you right we're talking with Tigles and I want to ask you about rooming with Michael Coman and Mr. Rosenthal but because people wrote these questions I want to get to this so give me quick answers to this on the street the other day I noticed a female walking by blatantly checking me out when I caught her eye I panicked and looked away what is the proper etiquette when someone of the opposite sex or same sex makes eye contact with me I'm in New York City and that's interesting when people make eye contact with you on the street what is the etiquette? I pull my pants down and jerk off okay no that's a good one because I'm really bad at that because I get so nervous I don't do it I'm always nervous I thought about writing something on a card that says hey I'm really shitty at this but you know and then you can just hand it to them and leave and go I don't like to make people uncomfortable but would you mind if I jerked off to you I don't even want to masturbate to you unless I have you that's actually that's Michael Coman that is actually a Michael Coman we'll get to Michael Coman in a second so I don't know if that was a good but you could do that write something down and then you just you give it to the person hand write it don't print it out in masses it looks scary yeah hand write it ahead of time go hey I just made eye contact with you and you walk over hey I'm going to give you this and get out of your way that way I don't make you uncomfortable be married I don't know here and walk away I don't know something like that might be a good idea we're going to get to Michael Coman in a second Michael Coman had an idea of where somebody was asking for permission the guy is such a rube that he has to ask women for permission to masturbate to them he's such a what he's a prude Coman had an idea where a character who is a rube thinks proper etiquette is to ask a woman for permission do you mind if I that's a good way of telling someone you're attracted to them and you're not even asking to date them just act like you're so you have such high etiquette that you're just saying oh I don't want to date you I don't want to make you uncomfortable but you know the way I am is I don't want to even masturbate to you unless I would have your permission so is that okay with you if it's not I won't do it okay so I have two more questions and then I want to ask you about your roommate's situation because I do believe okay let me get because I believe that people living together shape one another like there's a famous apartment in San Francisco where all these comics lived and I think you Rosenthal and Coman living together kind of was as Alex would say a movement my ex-wife is about to get married she's invited me to the wedding I don't have a date how do I show up stacked to the wedding any acting tips on how to pretend to be happy for them well you can obviously they have some amicability if that's the right word if they're she's inviting him so who can't get someone to go to a wedding it would make it it would make it a lot more comfortable who wants to go to a wedding really you think it's easy to get a date to go to a wedding to go if you have a friend that's going as a friend that you go look I want to go to my ex's wedding maybe for the kids who knows what the intricacies of are of this why it would be okay to show up they're obviously not hating each other we know that for a fact or they wouldn't he wouldn't be invited to the wedding can you be happy for can you be happy for an ex yeah I was in a relationship for 13 years and I it's funny you ask that because I just talked to him the other day and said listen this is going to be really hard to talk about but eventually we're going to meet somebody that we care about and if we are not comfortable enough to introduce them to each other we can't go on to be as close as we are so we decided when that comes time when we meet somebody that we care enough about where you know that we'll even go to a couples counseling or two just to figure out the best way to do this well yeah matter of fact I said I think he'll he has it easier because but by the way I do know people in my life that we're in relationships and they don't hardly talk at all to they get along pretty good to get along crazy good my friend Jordan and he he doesn't hate his ex-wife you know there's certain situations where you might someone might have had a drinking problem and you have to distance yourself but in this case it just ran its course he's friends with his ex-wife's new husband and it's not one in a million it's not the norm but it does happen and yeah I want people to meet here's how I would be happy if people met the three of us and they went wait you and Todd used to go out how do you get how's your new I think it can be that it take a little work but I'm willing to make it the bet here's the most people don't work hard unless they have a reward and to me the reward is are you there yeah I'm listening hanging on if I work if I if he meets somebody and I get along with them that I get to be have him in my life forever and that's a great reward for me so I'm willing to work at it I might have a stomach when I see him with somebody else but I'll get over it I'll do whatever it takes is life easier now that gay marriage is legal I think it is don't you well it sounds funny to answer that question I mean it directly it hasn't really affected me but it affects me the same as whenever any group of people is given the rights they deserve you just happy that you're the planet is moving forward in a positive direction so whether it's women's rights or social issues or or racial issues you know yeah it's life's easier when people are all treated fairly yeah are you a little happier because the supreme court ruled I think people are not just gay couples I just think people are happier well I think anybody that you know has a clear head yeah you're happier when people are being treated we still have a shit ton to do but I think most what I call evolved people fair evolved kind decent are always happier when we watch a group of people that had to fight to get rights get them and like I said I don't think it's just gay rights it's any person on the planet's rights that's why I try not to turn around and do it to the next group you know those people that say I'm alright with gay marriage but now I gotta be alright with the transgender yeah what the fuck do you give a shit what are you done evolving why are you so worried hey I grew in this area should I just keep growing every year yeah well what's next I will say those people I will say this when they legalize gay marriage my marriage fell apart so maybe that's good I'm joking I know you are before we go I'm fascinated by your roommate situation you lived with Michael Coman created Nathan for you which is the funniest show on television right now have you seen Nathan for you I went to the premiere but I have not seen it since funny show on television watch Nathan for you it's the funny show on television Michael Coman brilliant guy he's married and if all I said was that he's the husband of Kimmy Schmidt he'd be proud that he's married to the star of Kimmy Schmidt and he's very proud of her that's a Tracy Hepburn movie waiting to be destroyed by Hollywood his marriage right so you and Rosenfall who is just a genius and we had him on the show actually he's an editor and musician so what was your living situation with Coman and Rosenfall and there was somebody else involved right yeah there was when I I was probably 32 at the time and I met Mike at a comedy club and we started talking you know you know how it is we just got along great Mike was probably 19 at the time Michael Coman and I thought yeah I thought he was like 23 or 24 like he just seemed a lot older and we got along and we started you know getting along and he had a friend Steve Rosenfall and Steve was friends with Avi Lieberman and so Mike had another college friend Mike went to USC at the time he had a friend James Milton who wasn't even in the business and about three months after that when we met I needed a place to live I was I wanted to move and we found this really cool house up in canyon it was like a six bedroom four baths we all had our own little areas and we ended up moving in together me, Mike James and then eventually Steve Rosenfall four of us lived in this house and it was really nice house like we made it so cool and we got a lot done those guys like I knew right away like that that Mike was talented Michael Coman, Michael Coman and Steve too and I knew that they were going to be successful like I knew it I don't say that about everybody some people are successful that I didn't predict it happy for them but I didn't predict it and with those guys I knew it I knew and we that's the first time I came home from an audition and I told Mike and Steve that I hated auditions they made me nervous I wish I could just have a show where I was in a coma and Mike or Mike said it he goes oh no I said it sarcastically but Mike the one who said we should do that and about a week later we started putting the show together and we sent out emails to people and we set up an account and we shot on our own all because of Steve and Mike they edited they wrote we audition people we put it up as a play sort of in the comedy central workspace Todd's coma yeah Todd's coma where the basic premise was for your listeners that I'm in a coma people come by to visit me and they tell stories about me so if it's the Rolling Stones they're like oh yeah Todd used to be our drummer but he had a real bad temper or if it's Sarah Silverman oh I went on a date with Todd so it's the show was life in the hospital obviously because there's always a lot of people hanging out and visiting and and then it's life when you meet you find out about my past only through people telling stories about me that was 15 years ago this was 15 years ago and so Michael Coman was still at USC or UCLA he was or right afterwards right afterwards so maybe he had graduated and we put it together and we got like amazing people to be in it because of you know really their follow-throughness like we got Ben Stiller to be in it we got Sarah Silverman was in it Ray Romano was in it Herb Albert was in it Ariana Huffington was in it so there were just a great cast of people Jimmy Pardo played my best friend in the hospital and you know we put it all together it was originally so we're talking about the year 2000 you know what this might have been when did you could do a search on it I remember Ben Stiller had just done something about Mary was that the name of that movie or truth about Mary that would be like 99 98 97 so so this was probably a year after that okay and it was mostly a stage show that then you know we wanted to have it as a week a sitcom or whatever you would call it but you started it as a you started it as a stage show well we did we just did a one time a one time viewing we did we actually did three shows in one day at the comedy central workspace we did three showings of it in one day and that was it and then we thought from that we'll try to sell it and did Rosenthal edit it was he playing was he playing the piano at the comedy store at the time yeah Rosenthal was playing the piano he was a stand up comedian but he also was editing back when people first started editing on their computer so he edited the entire pilot which is available online but there's that funny story about Rosenthal I love it and it's sort of making fun of bad premises so he was at the piano I love this story Rosenthal and there was a comedian on stage he wasn't aware that his mic was hot so the comedian's on stage gone why every time there's a a cat stuck in a tree why do they call the fire department what are they gonna afraid the cat's gonna self combust and Steve Rosenthal just says to himself which ends up going through the whole house he goes for the fucking ladders or the ladders he just goes the ladders just picture hearing that right after the comedian says that joke and you hear someone go the ladders this is a bit that they this is a bit that he used to do at the comedy store no it wasn't a bit it was the bit the comedian did Steve Rosenthal was just on the piano because he would play on and off the comedians so the mic was for some reason hot or whatever the details were he did not mean it to be heard through the whole house but he just goes for the ladders sort of making fun of the comedian for the shitty premise picked up well what happened was we couldn't sell it and I said you know what I'm done I want to move on unless somebody I used to say Jim Carrey saw it and wanted to produce it but I'm done pitching it so we let it lie for about a year and a half and when people ask me whatever happened what's going on I would tell them the same thing I go you know unless someone came along that was big enough to have to put it through you know I'm sort of I'm sort of gonna move on to other things and then Adam Sandler called me one day and I knew Adam but we hadn't talked in a while and he goes hey I'm in here with Nick Schwartzson and what happened was they saw the DVD in there of the show and Nick goes oh you should watch this Adam watched it called me and said let's do this and we did it we shot a pilot we didn't end up selling it but still we did a big budget pilot and Ben did it again he redid a scene for me which was I mean I don't know Ben Stiller that well but it might have been one of the kindest things that anybody ever did for me that didn't know me that well just to help me bring something that I had in my head to fruition and did Coleman run the show? Coleman did not run it at that point because he was already too busy but Tom Martin came in and was the show runner and Steve worked on the show in all fairness like Happy Madison hired every single person that did the original you know Mike was Mike was on board Steve was on board they let everybody that did the original pilot be part of the new show how long did you live with Coleman and Rosenthal for four years really and we got along great okay it was it because there's a I want to mention because there are famous apartments and famous living situations you know Conan and Smigel and Jeff Garland all live together in Chicago there's a famous apartment in San Francisco you know apparently Garland and Conan used to do this talk show in their living room and Garland would be George Takai and all Conan would do would ask them about the residuals from Star Trek you know about this? I love it and they would do a talk show for themselves you know just to kill time so it was four years with you Coleman and Rosenthal so that's like a movement that's a comedy movement that's that's being hatched right you're you're living your lives but you're moving in and out but you're talking comedy right that was coming we had we did we had the best time and we had a really cool house and we had a backyard and like I'm pretty good at that stuff I made it really nice and those guys did it and we you know not that this is important but it was such a big house we literally all had our own areas we all had our own bathroom we all had a bedroom and a second room but we one thing you were saying before we started the podcast like did that rub off on me and it did you know when you when I see most successful people you know you can be you can know the business of comedy but not be funny but those guys did both and they worked they fucking worked you know Mike Coman he had funny in his bones I thought so did Steve but they also worked at it and we used to say this on a scale from one to ten let's say there's two scales one how funny you are just in your bones let's say you have a ten at that you're funny in your bones you're just you know I'm saying it about them and then there's the business end of it one to ten ten being the best you know how to work you know how to write you know how to put aside let's say even if you're a five at it you'll probably do pretty good and those guys were way past five like they taught me like I never work as hard as they do still but it set the standard higher for me like they woke up they did shit when we were going to work they showed up on time they got their stuff done and they were amazing and they were like nineteen and maybe twenty twenty three no no they were like Mike was twenty two yeah yeah at that point or twenty one yeah yeah I don't want to I just can't did you keep up with common I do yeah you know you go a little while without talking but yeah we keep up and you know how that is with old friends like me Mike and Steve just went out in New York and you know it takes a half of a second and you're doing the same bits and you're giggling yeah I can't we have to wrap it up I cannot imagine you and Michael Coman being friends we were great I would love to go out to dinner because I would love to see the dynamics because you're complete opposite I mean it just to me it's I cannot and with Rosenthal in the mix it would just be really funny and fun to watch the dynamic because I can't imagine it yeah maybe I take it for granted but like our dynamic is really is like magical like I just thoroughly enjoy hanging out with those guys they're just you know it's just it feeds you know why I like now the first part doesn't seem so great but I do like crass and I do like vulgarity you know like that comedy like that but I also like sensitivity and guys that are comfortable and their skin and I like that they feed all parts of my soul the crassness and then they're silly and they're sensitive and they're caring they're kind and they're gentle and they're harsh so for me it's the whole package and I think that's why I really adore well them or anybody like them we're going to wrap it up I have one personal question to ask about Michael Coman yeah he doesn't trim his toenails but I yelled at him and he started okay that's all I needed to know and I don't care so this is what I've noticed because I worked with him and Smigal and Smigal is a great impressionist right just you know so I would never do an impression around Robert Smigal I cram up I just cannot do an impression around Smigal I just don't I've tried and I freeze and I just know better Coman does impressions around Smigal and he works on impressions but he does it very quietly around Smigal and my question to you Todd Glass is when you're living with Michael Coman does he do loud impression have you seen him be boisterous in his impressions I don't think I ever saw Mike Coman do one impersonation really no like who does he do well he does this great imitation of a young college kid pretending to love his roommate named Todd Glass that was a good no seriously what oh he does everybody he does everybody and I was but he does I've only seen him do it around Smigal and he does it kind of he whispers the impressions and I was wondering you know when you're in a living room with him at his home is he louder and you know no it's funny I feel bad I feel like I'm giving a shitty answer but he'll never remember doing impersonations you know all we would really do back then I just started smoking pot so we would wherever we were at we all know that if we went home we would be able to hang out with each other and we would get high and just do bits until we couldn't breathe anymore okay well Todd Glass is just a great friend and I love you and I'm proud of you and the name of your book that you wrote two years ago is the Todd Glass situation right and can I tell you the name give one more second yeah yeah I wish we could go longer the name I wanted the book to be Simon and Schuster honestly were awesome but I loved why do I tell this story I've told it a few other times before and I guess because to this day I still wonder if I should have named the book what I wanted to name it so I'm going to tell you what the name of the book was and honestly tell me if you could I think the reader of it would have figured out what it was about because of the subtitle because of the subtitle so here was the name of the book which is a true story all I ever wanted to meet was a nice girl with a terminal disease and other stupid things I said to keep the closet door shut wow because do you get what you guess if not I'll tell but either way if people can either guess oh maybe so I had a plan when I was maybe 21 I met my the first person I could ever talk about you know being gay and um our plan was now look it wasn't thought out we were you know young kids that we would meet a girl with cancer and then when she died we would just tell everybody forever I never got over you know I never got over Karen so they were afraid to name it that so even I thought dumbed it down a little instead of all I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with cancer stupid things I said and did to keep the closet door shut to all I ever wanted to do was meet a nice girl with a terminal disease we thought maybe they'd go you know what it's the same thing but we're okay with it and they weren't they didn't say no but they were so kind about everything else let me tell my story 100% they didn't edit a word out of that thing they were amazing that I thought maybe I owed them that they knew something that I didn't but I'll never know what about pitching that as a movie though well yeah but you know I'm not good at that but that is a pretty funny idea for a movie the guy who thinks he can solve his oh right that element of it you're right I didn't even think about that the specificness of it first of all one of the people said well what would you do when she died where would you meet her I go I didn't think this through I was 21 yeah you know well you know I mentioned this on the Jimmy Pardo show we do have to wrap it up because comedy and everything else is up next coming up next do you do that on your podcast I do I say I always say that our we got a new time slot we're following Marin now oh that's genius too bad I'm not on your show sometimes I'll take a break coming up on Mark Marin the President of the United States so my wife and I at Disneyland I mentioned this we see an epidemic of morbidly obese women with effeminate men and is that a fair statement do you think that kind of like how you were thinking of marrying a terminally ill woman that there are closeted gay men from the Midwest who gravitate to morbidly obese women or try to fatten up their wives so they have an excuse for not having sex with them look the only way I can answer that question intelligently because I think what happens maybe is you go after a woman especially when the guy is very good looking maybe that you're comfortable with and you think I think there might be something there why that was a safe haven at least they felt that way but I don't know exactly why and I don't want to answer that ignorantly but I think there might have been something there I think it's just anybody out of your you know look you people can fall in love and look past looks we get that so you don't want to sound so vain to go oh if you ever see a drop dead gorgeous guy and then the woman isn't that that has to be a cover up because there are situations where it's apps of fucking literally not you just fell in love with somebody and because you are maybe you know in touch with yourself you you you look past looks but yes there probably is other situations where that does exist great I answer you yes you did Todd glass thank you so much for joining us God bless you God bless your family and I say that's the good the God bless party say sarcastically but I but I do love you I love you too Todd glass thank you so much for joining us okay are we done by the way can I say something did you stop recording yeah we're stopped recording you stopped recording yeah we're done it went okay it wasn't great what the fuck was that David what do you mean what the fuck why don't you fucking why don't you fucking stop acting like you're doing me a goddamn fucking favor you cunt David David David David David I did that interview tried to do the best I can are you fucking shit oh if I were fuck yeah yeah if I were Adam you would have you would have brought your A game fuck you fuck you what if that was the minute we get off the minute we're done the fuck yes that's what our friendship turns into go fuck yourself those shit questions you end the interview why would a morbidly obese woman have a morbidly obese guy you sexist pile of shit alright David alright I'll talk to you later I'll talk to you later that's our show thank you for listening our executive producer is Alex Brazil just want to remind you that we have premium content as always each week we're putting up premium content premium episodes go to David Feldman show dot com it's two dollars and fifty cents for each episode of premium content or for five dollars a month you can get the whole shebang for free five dollars a month and you're helping to pay the bills here don't forget to shop on Amazon via the David Feldman show website please friend me on facebook follow me on twitter join our mailing list and I love meeting my listeners I really do we're doing a live taping of the David Feldman show November 10th at seven p.m. at QED in Astoria Queens it's going to start Jackie the joke man martling Esther Coo she's an hysterical comedian who starred on the jack and triumph show and adult swim plus the brilliantly funny frank con if we're going to do our we're going to do a live taping of this show conversations and performances I don't know what we're going to do but it's going to be great and if you hit the contact button at David Feldman show dot com and say hey please put me on the guest list for your live taping just that easy you will be on the guest list you got to give us your name and your email address so we can confirm that you're coming if you live in Astoria if you live in Manhattan if you live in the tri-state area or you know somebody who lives near Astoria Queens and you think they might enjoy a live taping of the show hit the contact button put them on the guest list I want to meet my listeners we're going to be doing a lot of live shows coming up in Boston and Ithaca New York and Washington DC and Los Angeles even if you don't want to attend the show hit the contact button anyway it's working it hasn't been working we didn't know this but our contact button is working now so if you just want to contact me email me and go back and forth I answer all my emails I didn't understand why I wasn't getting my emails and then I found out the contact button wasn't working but now it's working okay from the show Briss studios in downtown Manhattan that'll do it for us