 What's wrong you pathetic sad procrastinating dungeon master can't come up with a worthwhile and interesting combat encounter And you only have half an hour before the session because you spent the last week fascinating about a totally different campaign You wish to run one day But ultimately know you never will because you're in a constant state of prep work and insecurity. That's okay Everybody knows no matter how basic the combat is it's going to take forever Anyway, thanks to any spellcasters and people on their phones and is mostly just a chance for the DM to stall for time While they figure out the next story beats that and an excuse to show off whatever art of the thing The players are fighting that the DM paid three grand and commissions or miniatures to make for them Or you could just grab whatever the nearest thing on your shelf is and say fuck it We're fighting this little bastard today. Welcome to a crap guy to D&D Goblins are one of the most iconic creatures in Dungeons and Dragons famous for being low and mid-level cannon fodder Having the respawn rate of a seahorse playing Call of Duty and being overall superior to cobalts in every way Goblins are what you default to when you have no idea what the party should be fighting because they're just so Splattered all over the realm that everyone just accepts that they can show up anywhere All right got myself some milk and cookies for some hunts God Jesus what the fuck goblins were originally created by the hobgoblins who one day got really lazy and decided to make a Generation of poor saps that they could shove all their baggage onto and then blame for when the economy They don't have a say and gets destroyed This is sort of evolved into how goblins mostly live in tribes where the biggest asshole is the leader and everybody else is Just sort of used to being treated as poorly as a retail worker That's not to say all goblins are meek little green muppets given enough size and numbers and time to prepare an ambush and even the Most basic goblin squads can turn an 8th level party into the aftermath of eating at white castle This is because goblins are a culture constantly rating like they're trying to get world first and have a knack for throwing themselves at the First thing they see that looks like they could potentially bite its ear off They're also somewhat smart leaders of goblin tribes consistently placing first in tournaments of connect 4 and the race as a Whole frequently mounting and fighting alongside creatures such as wargs which are oversized wolves that are perpetually angry as people keep Stealing their art off Instagram if you ever decide to play as a goblin you'll receive a little bit of decks and con from being agile and resilient Little gremlins and the ability to quickly push the out of combat like you're at a friend's house and the parents started arguing and fury of the Small where you get to punch below the belt and make the enemy's voice go up as many octaves as your player level now That's the general idea of what goblins are supposed to be in the forgotten realms But this is dnd which means everybody breaks the rules more than an episode of Yu-Gi-Oh and the fact that goblins are so Adaptable to so many situations and environments means that there's no limit to how they can be portrayed or what they can be used for You can make them mindless monsters that fill the last few empty rooms of a dungeon or adorable little scamps that the party will adopt The instant they see them or design them so unexpectedly attractive that it'll make people question if they discovered a new fetish Or if it was there all along and this was just as awakening you too can throw an endless supply of XP at your party while giving them Conflicting feelings on stomping on an innocent little cutie pie that was just minding his own business and just wanted to widow video you Of isn't that right you sweetie petite? How son of a bitch and now you know how to use goblins booyah