 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information, or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky Part 4, Chapter 4 Raskolnikov went straight to the house on the canal bank where Sonya lived. It was an old greenhouse of three stories. He found the porter and obtained from him vague directions as to the whereabouts of Kopernimov, the tailor. Having found in the corner of the courtyard the entrance to the dark and narrow staircase, he mounted to the second floor and came out into a gallery that ran round the whole second story over the yard. While he was wandering in the darkness, uncertain where to turn from Kopernimov's door, a door opened three paces from him. He mechanically took hold of it. Who is there? A woman's voice asked uneasily. It's I, come to see you, answered Raskolnikov, and he walked into the tiny entry. On a broken chair stood a candle in a battered copper candlestick. It's you, good heavens! cried Sonya weakly, and she stood rooted to the spot. Which is your room, this way? And Raskolnikov, trying not to look at her, hastened in. A minute later, Sonya, too, came in with the candle, set down the candlestick, and, completely disconcerted, stood before him inexpressibly agitated and apparently frightened by his unexpected visit. The color rushed suddenly to her pale face, and tears came into her eyes. She felt sick and ashamed and happy, too. Raskolnikov turned away quickly and sat on a chair by the table. He scanned the room in a rapid glance. It was a large but exceedingly low-pitched room, the only one let by the Kapernimovs to whose room a closed door led in the wall on the left. In the opposite side on the right-hand wall was another door, always kept locked. That led to the next flat, which formed a separate lodging. Sonya's room looked like a barn. It was a very irregular quadrangle, and this gave it a grotesque appearance. A wall with three windows looking out onto the canal ran a slant so that one corner formed a very acute angle, and it was difficult to see in it without very strong light. The other corner was disproportionately obtuse. There was scarcely any furniture in the big room. In the corner on the right was a bedstead, beside it, nearest the door, a chair. A plain deal table covered by a blue cloth stood against the same wall, close to the door into the other flat. Two rush-bottom chairs stood by the table. On the opposite wall near the acute angle stood a small plain wooden chest of drawers looking, as it were, lost in a desert. That was all there was in the room. The yellow, scratched and shabby wallpaper was black in the corners. It must have been damp and full of fumes in the winter. There was every sign of poverty, even the bedstead had no curtain. Sonja looked in silence at her visitor, who was so attentively and unceremoniously scrutinizing her room, and even began at last to tremble with terror as though she were standing before her judge in the arbiter of her destinies. I am late. Eleven, isn't it? he asked, still not lifting his eyes. Yes, muttered Sonja. Oh, oh, yes it is. She added hastily as though in that lay her means of escape. My landlady's clock has just struck. I heard it myself. I've come to you for the last time, was Kalmykhov went on gloomily, although this was the first time. I may perhaps not see you again. Are you going away? I don't know. Tomorrow. Then you are not coming to Katarina Ivanovna tomorrow, Sonja's voice shook. I don't know. I shall know tomorrow morning. Never mind that. I've come to say one word. He raised his brooding eyes to her and suddenly noticed that he was sitting down while she was all the while standing before him. Why are you standing? Sit down, he said in a changed voice, gentle and friendly. She sat down. He looked kindly and almost compassionately at her. How thin you are! What a hand! Quite transparent, like a dead hand. He took her hand. Sonja smiled faintly. I have always been like that, she said. Even when you lived at home? Yes. Of course you were. He added abruptly and the expression of his face and the sound of his voice changed again suddenly. He looked around him once more. You rent this room from the Caperna mobs? Yes. They lived there, through that door? Yes, they have another room like this. All in one room? Yes. I should be afraid in your room at night. He observed gloomily. They are very good people, very kind, answered Sonja, who still seemed bewildered. And all the furniture, everything. Everything is theirs. And they are very kind, and the children too often come to see me. They all stammer, don't they? Yes, he stammers and he's lame. And his wife too. It's not exactly that she stammers, but she can't speak plainly. She's a very kind woman, and he used to be a house-surf. And there are seven children. And it's only the eldest one that stammers, and the others are simply ill, but they don't stammer. But where did you hear about them? She added with some surprise. Your father told me then. He told me all about you. And how you went out at six o'clock and came back at nine, and how Katarina Ivanovna knelt down by your bed. Sonja was confused. I fancied I saw him today, she whispered hesitatingly. Whom? Father, I was walking in the street, out there at the corner, about ten o'clock, and he seemed to be walking in front. It looked just like him. I wanted to go to Katarina Ivanovna. You were walking in the streets? Yes, Sonja whispered abruptly, again overcome with confusion and looking down. Katarina Ivanovna used to beat you, I daresay. Oh, no, what are you saying? No! Sonja looked at him almost with dismay. You love her then? Love her, of course! said Sonja with plaintive emphasis, and she clasped her hands in distress. Ah, you don't—if only you knew. You see, she is quite like a child, her mind is quite unhinged, you see, from sorrow. And how clever she used to be, how generous, how kind. Ah, you don't understand, you don't understand. Sonja said this as though in despair, ringing her hands in excitement and distress. Her pale cheeks flushed, there was a look of anguish in her eyes. It was clear that she was stirred to the very depths, that she was longing to speak, to champion, to express something. A sort of insatiable compassion, if one may so express it, was reflected in every feature of her face. Beat me, how can you? Good heavens, beat me. And if she did beat me, what then? What of it? You know nothing, nothing about it. She is so unhappy, ah, how unhappy! And ill, she is seeking righteousness, she is pure. She has such faith that there must be righteousness everywhere and she expects it. And if you were to torture her, she wouldn't do wrong. She doesn't see that it's impossible for people to be righteous and she is angry at it, like a child, like a child. She is good. And what will happen to you? Sonja looked at him inquiringly. They are left on your hands, you see. They were all on your hands before, though, and your father came to you to beg for drink. Well, how will it be now? I don't know, Sonja articulated mournfully. Will they stay there? I don't know, they are in debt for the lodging, but the landlady I hear said today that she wanted to get rid of them, and Katarina Ivanovna says that she won't stay another minute. How is it that she is so bold? She relies upon you? Oh, no, don't talk like that. We are one. We live like one. Sonja was agitated again and even angry, as though a canary or some other little bird were to be angry. And what could she do? What could she do? She persisted, getting hot and excited. And how she cried today. Her mind is unhinged, haven't you noticed it? At one minute she is worrying like a child that everything should be right tomorrow, the lunch and all that. Then she is wringing her hands, spitting blood, weeping, and all at once she will begin knocking her head against the wall in despair. Then she will be comforted again. She builds all her hopes on you. She says that you will help her now and that she will borrow little money somewhere and go to her native town with me and set up a boarding school for the daughters of gentlemen and take me to superintendent. And we will begin new splendid life. And she kisses and hugs me, comforts me, and you know she has such faith, such faith in her fancies. One can't contradict her. And all the day long she has been washing, cleaning, mending. She dragged the wash tub into the room with her feeble hands and sank on the bed, grasping for breath. We went this morning to the shops to buy shoes for Polenka and Lida, for theirs are quite worn out. Only the money we'd reckoned wasn't enough, not nearly enough. And she picked out such dear little boots, for she has taste, you don't know. And there in the shop she burst out crying before the shopmen because she hadn't enough. Ah, it was sad to see her. Well, after that I can understand your living like this," Raskolnikov said with a bitter smile. And aren't you sorry yet for them? Aren't you sorry? Sanya flew at him again. Why, I know you gave your last penny yourself, though you'd seen nothing of it. And if you'd seen everything, oh dear. And how often, how often I've brought her to tears? Only last week. Yes, I. Only a week before his death. I was cruel, and how often I've done it. I have been wretched at the thought of it all day. Sanya wrung her hands as she spoke at the pain of remembering it. You were cruel? Yes, I. I. I went to see them. She went on weeping. And father said, Read me something, Sanya. My headaches. Read to me. Here's a book. He had a book that he had gotten from Andrei Semyonovich, Lebeziat Makov. He lives there. He always used to get hold of such funny books. And I said, I can't stay as I didn't want to read. I'd gone in chiefly to show Katarina Ivanovna some collars. Liza Vita, the peddler, sold me some collars and cuffs cheap. Pretty, new, embroidered ones. Katarina Ivanovna liked them very much. She put them on and looked at herself in the glass and was delighted with them. Make me a present of them, Sanya. She said, Please do. Please do, she said. She wanted them so much. And when could she wear them? They just reminded her of her old happy days. She looked at herself in the glass, admired herself, and she has no clothes at all. No things of her own. Hasn't had all these years. And she never asks anyone for anything. She is proud. She'd sooner give away everything. And these she asked for. She liked them so much. And I was sorry to give them. What use are they to you, Katarina Ivanovna? I said, I spoke like that to her. I ought not to have said that. She gave me such a look, and she was so grieved, so grieved at my refusing her. And it was so sad to see. And she was not grieved for the collars, but for my refusing. I saw that. Ah, if only I could bring it all back. Change it. Take back those words. Ah, if I... But it's nothing to you. Did you know, Lizaveta the Peddler? Yes, did you know her? Sanya asked with some surprise. Katarina Ivanovna is in consumption. Rapid consumption. She will soon die, said Raskolnikov after a pause, without answering her question. Oh, no, no, no! And Sanya unconsciously clutched both his hands, as though imploring that she should not. But it will be better if she does die. No, not better, not at all better! Sanya unconsciously repeated in dismay. And the children. What can you do except take them to live with you? Oh, I don't know, cried Sanya, almost in despair, and she put her hands to her head. It was evident that that idea had very often occurred to her before, and he had only roused it again. And what, if even now, while Katarina Ivanovna is alive, you get ill and are taken to the hospital? What will happen then, he persisted pitilessly? How can you, that cannot be? And Sanya's face worked with awful terror. Cannot be, Raskolnikov went on with a harsh smile. You are not insured against it, are you? What will happen to them then? They will be in the street, all of them. She will cough and beg and knock her head against some wall as she did today, and the children will cry. Then she will fall down, be taken to the police station and to the hospital. She will die, and the children. Oh, no, God will not let it be, broke at last from Sanya's overburdened bosom. She listened, looking imploringly at him, clasping her hands in dumb and treaty, as though it all depended upon him. Raskolnikov got up and began to walk about the room. A minute passed. Sanya was standing with her hands in her head, hanging in terrible dejection. And can't you save? Put by for a rainy day, he asked, stopping suddenly before her. No, whispered Sanya. Of course not. Have you tried? He added almost ironically. Yes. And it didn't come off. Of course not. No need to ask. And again he paced the room. Another minute passed. You don't get money every day? Sanya was more confused than ever, and color rushed into her face again. No, she whispered with a painful effort. It will be the same with Polenka, no doubt, he said suddenly. No, no, it can't be, no. Sanya cried aloud in desperation, as though she had been stabbed. God would not allow anything so awful. He lets others come to it. No, no, God will protect her God, she repeated beside herself. But perhaps there is no God at all, Raskolnikov answered with a sort of malignance, laughed and looked at her. Sanya's face suddenly changed. A tremor passed over it. She looked at him with unutterable reproach, tried to say something, but could not speak and broke into bitter, bitter sobs, hiding her face in her hands. You say Katarina Ivanovna's mind is unhinged. Your own mind is unhinged, he said, after a brief silence. Five minutes passed. He still paced up and down the room in silence, not looking at her. At last he went up to her, his eyes glittered. He put his two hands on her shoulders and looked straight into her tearful face. His eyes were hard, feverish and piercing, his lips were twitching. All at once he bent down quickly and, dropping to the ground, kissed her foot. Sanya drew back from him as from a madman, and certainly he looked like a madman. What are you doing to me, she muttered, turning pale, and a sudden anguish clutched at her heart. He stood up at once. I did not bow down to you, I bowed down to all the suffering of humanity, he said wildly and walked away to the window. Listen, he added, turning to her a minute later. I said just now to an insolent man that he was not worth your little finger, and that I did my sister honor making her sit beside you. Ah, you said that to them, and in her presence cried Sanya, frightened. Sit down with me, an honor? Why, I'm dishonorable. Ah, why did you say that? It was not because of your dishonor and your sin, I said that of you, but because of your great suffering. But you are a great sinner, that's true, he added almost solemnly. And your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing. Isn't that fearful? Isn't it fearful that you are living in this filth which you loathe so, and at the same time you know yourself, you've only to open your eyes, that you are not helping anyone by it, not saving anyone from anything? Tell me, he went on almost in a frenzy, how this shame and degradation can exist in you side by side with other, opposite holy feelings. It would be better, a thousand times better and wiser, to leap into the water and end it all. But what would become of them, Sanya asked faintly, gazing at him with eyes of anguish, but not seeming surprised at his suggestion? Raskolnikov looked strangely at her. He read it all in her face, so she must have had that thought already, perhaps many times, and earnestly she had thought out in her despair how to end it, and so earnestly, that now she scarcely wondered at his suggestion. She had not even noticed the cruelty of his words, the significance of his reproaches and his peculiar attitude to her shame she had, of course, not noticed either, and that too was clear to him. But he saw how monstrously the thought of her disgraceful, shameful position was torturing her and had long tortured her. What, what, he thought, could hitherto have hindered her from putting an end to it? Only then he realized what those poor little orphan children and that pitiful, half-crazy Katarina Ivanovna, knocking her head against the wall in her consumption, meant for Sanya. But nevertheless it was clear to him again that with her character and the amount of education she had after all received, she could not in any case remain so. He was still confronted by the question how could she have remained so long in that position without going out of her mind, since she could not bring herself to jump into the water. Of course he knew that Sanya's position was an exceptional case, though unhappily not unique and not infrequent, indeed. But that very exceptionalness, her tinge of education, her previous life might, one would have thought, have killed her at the first step on that revolting path. What held her up? Surely not depravity. All that infamy had obviously only touched her mechanically. Not one drop of real depravity had penetrated to her heart, he saw that. He saw through her as she stood before him. There are three ways before her, he thought. The canal, the madhouse, or at last to sink into depravity, which obscures the mind and turns the heart to stone. The last idea was the most revolting, but he was a skeptic. He was young, abstract, and therefore cruel, and so he could not help believing that the last end was the most likely. But can that be true? he cried to himself. Can that creature who has still preserved the purity of her spirit be consciously drawn at last into that sink of filth and iniquity? Can the process already have begun? Can it be that she has only been able to bear it till now because vice has begun to be less loathsome to her? No, no, that cannot be, he cried as Sonia had just before. No, what has kept her from the canal till now is the idea of sin, and they, the children. And if she has not gone out of her mind, but who says she has not gone out of her mind? Is she in her senses? Can one talk? Can one reason as she does? How can she sit on the edge of the abyss of loathsomeness into which she is slipping and refuse to listen when she is told of danger? Does she expect a miracle? No doubt she does. Doesn't that all mean madness? He stayed obstinately at that thought. He liked that explanation indeed better than any other. He began looking more intently at her. So you prayed to God a great deal, Sonia, he asked her. Sonia did not speak. He stood beside her waiting for an answer. What should I be without God? She whispered rapidly, forcibly, glancing at him with suddenly flashing eyes and squeezing his hand. Ah, so that is it, he thought. And what does God do for you? He asked, probing her further. Sonia was silent a long while, as though she could not answer. Her weak chest kept heaving with emotion. Be silent. Don't ask. You don't deserve, she cried suddenly, looking sternly and wrathfully at him. That's it. That's it, he repeated to himself. He does everything, she whispered quickly, looking down again. That's the way out. That's the explanation he decided, scrutinizing her with eager curiosity, with a new, strange, almost morbid feeling. He gazed at that pale, thin, irregular, angular little face, those soft blue eyes which could flash with such fire, such stern energy, that little body still shaking with indignation and anger. And it all seemed to him more and more strange, almost impossible. She is a religious maniac, he repeated to himself. There was a book lying on the chest of drawers. He had noticed it every time he paced up and down the room. Now he took it up and looked at it. It was the New Testament in the Russian translation. It was bound in leather, old and worn. Where did you get that, he called to her across the room. She was still standing in the same place, three steps from the table. It was brought me, she answered, as it were unwillingly, not looking at him. Who brought it? Lizavita, I asked her for it. Lizavita, strange, he thought. Everything about Sanya seemed to him stranger and more wonderful every moment. He carried the book to the candle and began to turn over the pages. Where is the story of Lazarus, he asked suddenly. Sanya looked obstinately at the ground and would not answer. She was standing sideways to the table. Where is the raising of Lazarus? Find it for me, Sanya. She stole a glance at him. You're not looking in the right place. It's in the fourth gospel, she whispered sternly, without looking at him. Find it and read it to me, he said. He sat down with his elbow on the table, leaned his head on his hand, and looked away sullenly, prepared to listen. In three weeks' time they'll welcome me in the madhouse. I shall be there if I am not in a worse place, he muttered to himself. Sanya heard Raskolnikov's request distrustfully and moved hesitatingly to the table. She took the book, however. Haven't you read it, she asked, looking up at him across the table. Her voice became sterner and sterner. Long ago, when I was at school, read, and haven't you heard it in church? I haven't been. Do you often go? No, whispered Sanya. Raskolnikov smiled. I understand. And you won't go to your father's funeral tomorrow. Yes, I shall. I was at church last week, too. I had a requiem service. For whom? For Lizavita. She was killed with an axe. His nerves were more and more strained. His head began to go round. Were you friends with Lizavita? Yes, she was good. She used to come. Not often, she couldn't. We used to read together and talk. She will see God. The last phrase sounded strange in his ears. And here was something new again. The mysterious meetings with Lizavita and both of them. Religious maniacs. I shall be a religious maniac myself soon. It's infectious. Read, he cried irritably and insistently. Sanya still hesitated. Her heart was throbbing. She hardly dared to read to him. He looked almost with exasperation at the unhappy lunatic. What for? You don't believe? She whispered softly and as it were breathlessly. Read, I want you to, he persisted. You used to read to Lizavita. Sanya opened the book and found the place. Her hands were shaking. Her voice failed her. Twice she tried to begin and could not bring out the first syllable. Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus of Bethany. She forced herself at last to read. But at the third word her voice broke like an overstrained string. There was a catch in her breath. Raskolnikov saw in part why Sanya could not bring herself to read to him. And the more he saw this, the more roughly and irritably he insisted on her doing so. He understood only too well how painful it was for her to betray and unveil all that was her own. He understood that these feelings really were her secret treasure which she had kept perhaps for years, perhaps from childhood while she lived with an unhappy father and a distracted stepmother crazed by grief in the midst of starving children and unseemly abuse and reproaches. But at the same time he knew now and knew for certain that although it filled her with dread and suffering yet she had a tormenting desire to read and to read to him that he might hear it and to read now whatever might come of it. He read this in her eyes. He could see it in her intense emotion. She mastered herself, controlled the spasm in her throat and went on reading the eleventh chapter of St. John. She went on to the nineteenth verse. And many of the Jews came to Martha and Mary to comfort them concerning their brother. Then Martha as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming went and met him but Mary sat still in the house. Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord if thou hadst been here my brother had not died but I know that even now whatsoever thou wilt ask of God God will give it thee. Then she stopped again with a shame faced feeling that her voice would quiver and break again. Jesus said unto her thy brother shall rise again. Martha saith unto him I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection at the last day. Jesus said unto her I am the resurrection and the life. He that believeth in me though he were dead yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believous thou this? She saith unto him. And drawing a painful breath Sonia read distinctly and forcibly as though she were making a public confession of faith. Ye Lord I believe that thou art the Christ the Son of God which should come into the world. She stopped and looked up quickly at him but controlling herself went on reading. Raskolnikov sat without moving his elbows on the table and his eyes turned away. She read to the thirty second verse. Then when Mary was coming where Jesus was and saw him he fell down at his feet saying unto him Lord if thou hadst been here my brother had not died. When Jesus therefore saw her weeping and the Jews also weeping which came with her he groaned in the spirit and was troubled and said where have you laid him? They said unto him Lord come and see. Jesus wept. Then said the Jews behold how he loved him. Some of them said could not this man which opened the eyes of the blind have caused that even this man should not have died? Raskolnikov turned and looked at her with emotion. Yes he had known it. She was trembling in a real physical fever. He had expected it. She was getting near the story of the greatest miracle and a feeling of immense triumph came over her. Her voice rang out like a bell. Triumph and joy gave it power. The lines danced before her eyes but she knew what she was reading by heart. At the last verse could not this man which opened the eyes of the blind dropping her voice she passionately reproduced the doubt the reproach and censure of the blind disbelieving Jews who in another moment would fall at his feet as though struck by thunder sobbing and believing. And he, he too is blinded and unbelieving. He too will hear. He too will believe. Yes, yes at once now was what she was dreaming and she was quivering with happy anticipation. Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave and a stone lay upon it. Jesus said take ye away the stone Martha the sister of him that was dead sayeth unto him Lord by this time he stinketh for he hath been dead four days. She laid emphasis on the word four. Jesus sayeth unto her said I not unto thee that if thou wouldst believe thou shouldst see the glory of God then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid and Jesus lifted up his eyes and said Father I thank thee that thou hast heard me and I knew that thou hearst me always but because of the people which stand by I said it that they may believe that thou hast sent me and when he had thus spoken he cried with a loud voice Lazarus come forth and he that was dead came forth she read loudly cold and trembling with ecstasy as though she were seeing it before her eyes bound hand and foot with grave clothes and his face was bound about with a napkin Jesus sayeth unto them loose him and let him go then many of the Jews which came to marry and had seen the things which Jesus did believed on him she could read no more closed the book and got up from her chair quickly that is all about the raising of Lazarus she whispered severely and abruptly and turning away she stood motionless not daring to raise her eyes to him she still trembled feverishly the candle-end was flickering out in the battered candlestick dimly lighting up in the poverty-stricken room the murderer and the harlot who had so strangely been reading together the eternal book five minutes or more passed I came to speak of something Raskolnikov said aloud frowning he got up and went to Sonia she lifted her eyes to him in silence his face was particularly stern and there was a sort of savage determination in it I have abandoned my family today, he said my mother and sister I am not going to see them I've broken with them completely what for? asked Sonia, amazed her recent meeting with his mother and sister had left a great impression which she could not analyze she heard his news almost with horror I have only you now, he added let us go together I've come to you, we are both accursed let us go our way together his eyes glittered as though he were mad Sonia thought in her turn go where? she asked an alarm and she involuntarily stepped back how do I know? I only know it's the same road I know that and nothing more it's the same goal she looked at him and understood nothing she knew only that he was terribly infinitely unhappy no one of them will understand if you tell them, but I have understood I need you, that is why I have come to you I don't understand, whispered Sonia you'll understand later haven't you done the same? you too have transgressed have had the strength to transgress you have laid hands on yourself you have destroyed a life your own, it's all the same you might have lived in spirit and understanding but you'll end in the hay market but you won't be able to stand it and if you remain alone you'll go out of your mind like me you are like a mad creature already so we must go together on the same road let us go what for? what's all this for? said Sonia, strangely and violently agitated by his words what for? because you can't remain like this, that's why you must look things straight in the face at last and not weep like a child and cry that God won't allow it what will happen if you should really be taken to the hospital tomorrow she is mad and in consumption she'll soon die and the children do you mean to tell me Polenka won't come to grief? haven't you seen children here at the street corners send out by their mothers to beg? I've found out where those mothers live and in what surroundings children can't remain children there at seven the child is vicious and a thief yet children you know are in the image of Christ theirs is the kingdom of heaven he bade us honor and love them they are the humanity of the future what's to be done? what's to be done? repeated Sonia weeping hysterically and wringing her hands what's to be done? break what must be broken once and for all that's all and take the suffering on oneself what you don't understand? you'll understand later freedom and power and above all power overall trembling creation and all of the antique that's the goal remember that that's my farewell message perhaps it's the last time I shall speak to you if I don't come tomorrow you'll hear of it all and then remember these words and someday later on in years to come you'll understand perhaps what they meant if I come tomorrow I'll tell you who killed Lizavita goodbye Sonia started with terror why do you know who killed her? she asked chilled with horror looking wildly at him I know and will tell you only you I have chosen you out I'm not coming to you to ask forgiveness but simply to tell you I chose you out long ago to hear this when your father talked of you and when Lizavita was alive I thought of it goodbye don't shake hands tomorrow he went out Sonia gazed at him as out of madman but she herself was like one insane and felt it her head was going round good heavens how does he know who killed Lizavita? what did those words mean? it's awful but at the same time the idea did not enter her head not for a moment oh, he must be terribly unhappy he has abandoned his mother and sister what for? what has happened? and what had he in his mind? what did he say to her? he had kissed her foot and said said yes, he had said it clearly that he could not live without her oh, merciful heavens Sonia spent the whole night feverish and delirious she jumped up from time to time wept and rung her hands then sank again into feverish sleep and dreamt of Polenka, Katarina Ivanovna and Lizavita of reading the gospel and him him with pale face, with burning eyes kissing her feet, weeping on the other side of the door on the right which divided Sonia's room from Madame Restlich flat was a room which long stood empty a card was fixed on the gate and a notice stuck in the windows over the canal advertising it to let Sonia had long been accustomed to the rooms being uninhabited but all that time Mr. Shfidr Gailov had been standing listening at the door of the empty room when Raskolnikov went out he stood still thought a moment went on tiptoe to his own room which had joined the empty one brought a chair and noiselessly carried it to the door that led to Sonia's room the conversation had struck him as interesting and remarkable and he had greatly enjoyed it so much so that he brought a chair that he might not in the future tomorrow for instance have to endure the inconvenience of standing a whole hour but might listen in comfort End of Part 4 Chapter 4 Crime and Punishment Part 4 Chapter 5 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information with the volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Anna Simon Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky translated by Konstantz Garnet Part 4 Chapter 5 When next morning at eleven o'clock punctually Raskolnikov went into the department of the investigation of criminal causes and sent his name in to Parvri Petrovich he was surprised at being kept waiting so long it was at least ten minutes before he was summoned he had expected that they would pounce upon him but he stood in the waiting room and people who apparently had nothing to do with him were continually passing to and fro before him in the next room which looked like an office several clerks were sitting writing and obviously they had no notion who or what Raskolnikov might be he looked uneasily and suspiciously about him to see whether there was not some guard some mysterious watch being kept on him to prevent his escape but there was nothing of the sort he saw only the faces of clerks absorbed in petty details then other people no one seemed to have any concern with him he might go where he liked for them the conviction grew stronger in him but if that enigmatic man of yesterday that phantom sprung out of the earth had seen everything they would not have let him stand and wait like that and would they have waited till he elected to appear at eleven either the man had not yet given information or simply he knew nothing had seen nothing and how could he have seen anything and so all that had happened to him the day before was again a phantom exaggerated by his sick and overstrained imagination this conjecture had begun to grow strong the day before in the midst of all his alarm and despair thinking it all over now and preparing for a fresh conflict he was suddenly aware that he was trembling and he felt a rush of indignation at the thought that he was trembling with fear at facing that hateful porphyry Petrovich what he dreaded above all was meeting that man again he hated him with an intense, unmitigated hatred and was afraid his hatred might betray him his indignation was such that he seized trembling at once he made ready to go in with a cold and arrogant bearing and vowed to himself to keep as silent as possible to watch and listen and for once at least to control his overstrained nerves at that moment he was summoned to Porphyry Petrovich he found Porphyry Petrovich alone in his study his study was a room neither large nor small furnished with a large writing table that stood before a sofa upholstered in checked material a bureau, a bouquet in the corner and several chairs all government furniture of polished yellow wood in the further wall there was a closed door beyond it there were no doubt other rooms on Raskolnikov's entrance Porphyry Petrovich had at once closed the door by which he had come in and they remained alone he met his visitor with an apparently genial and good tempered air and it was only after a few minutes of awkwardness in him as though he'd been thrown out of his reckoning or caught in something very secret ah my dear fellow here you are in our domain began Porphyry holding out both hands to him come sit down old man or perhaps you don't like to be called my dear fellow and old man tutkour? please don't think it too familiar here on the sofa Raskolnikov sat down keeping his eyes fixed on him in our domain apologies for familiarity the French phrase tutkour were all characteristic signs he held out both hands to me but he did not give me one he drew it back in time struck him suspiciously both were watching each other but when their eyes met quickest lightning they looked away I brought you this paper about the watch here it is is it alright or shall I copy it again the paper? yes yes don't be uneasy it's alright Porphyry Petrovich sat as though in haste and after he'd said it he took the paper and looked at it yes it's alright nothing more is needed he declared with the same rapidity and he laid the paper on the table a minute later when he was talking of something else he took it from the table and put it on his bureau I believe you said yesterday you would like to question me formally about my acquaintance with a murdered woman Gondikov was beginning again why did I put in I believe passed through his mind in a flash why am I so uneasy and having put in that I believe came in a second flash and he suddenly felt that his uneasiness at the mere contact with Porphyry at the first words at the first looks had grown in an instant to monstrous proportions and that this was fearfully dangerous his nerves were quivering his emotion was increasing it's bad it's bad I shall say it too much again yes yes yes there's no hurry there's no hurry moving to and fro about the table without any apparent aim as it were making dashes towards the window the bureau and the table at one moment avoiding Raskolnikov's suspicious glance then again standing still and looking him straight in the face his fat round little figure looked very strange like a ball rolling from one side to the other with plenty of time do you smoke? have you your own? here a cigarette he went on offering his visitor a cigarette you know I'm receiving you here but my own quarters are through there you know my government quarters but I'm living outside for the time I had to have some repairs done here it's almost finished now government quarters you know are a capital thing what do you think yes a capital thing answered Raskolnikov looking at him almost ironically a capital thing a capital thing repeated Poivre Petrovich as though he had just thought of something quite different yes a capital thing he almost shouted at last suddenly staring at Raskolnikov and stopping short two steps from him this stupid repetition was too incongruous in its inaptitude with a series brooding and enigmatic glance he turned upon his visitor but this stirred Raskolnikov's spleen more than ever and he could not resist an ironical and rather incautious challenge tell me please he asked suddenly looking almost instantly at him and taking a kind of pleasure in his own insolence I believe it's a sort of legal rule a sort of legal tradition for all investigating lawyers to begin their attack from afar with a trivial or at least an irrelevant subject so as to encourage or rather to divert the man there to cross-examining to disarm his caution and then all at once to give him an unexpected knockdown blow with some fatal question isn't that so it's a sacred tradition mentioned I fancy in all the manuals of the art yes yes why do you imagine that was why I spoke about government quarters eh and as he said this Poivre Petrovich screwed up his eyes and winked a good young man craftily looked past over his face the wrinkles on his forehead were smoothed out his eyes contracted his features broadened and he suddenly went off into a nervous prolonged laugh shaking all over and looking at Skolnikov straight in the face the latter forced himself to laugh too but when Poivre seeing that he was laughing broken to such a gulfer that he turned almost crimson Raskolnikov's repulsion overcame all precaution he left off laughing scowled and stared with hatred at Poivre keeping his eyes fixed on him while his intentionally prolonged laughter lasted there was lack of precaution on both sides however for Poivre Petrovich seemed to be laughing in his visitor's face and to be very little disturbed at the annoyance with which the visitor received it the latter fact was very significant in Raskolnikov's eyes he saw that Poivre Petrovich had not been embarrassed just before either but that he Raskolnikov had perhaps fallen into a trap there must be something some motive here unknown to him that perhaps everything was in readiness and in another moment would break upon him he went straight to the pointed ones rose from his seat and took his cap Poivre Petrovich he began resolutely though with considerable irritation yesterday you expressed a desire that I should come to you for some inquiries he laid special stress on the word inquiries I have come and if you have anything to ask me ask it and if not allow me to withdraw I have no time to spare I have to be at the funeral of that man who was run over of whom you know also he added feeling angry at once at having made this addition and more irritated at his anger I'm sick of it all do you hear and have long been it's partly what made me ill in short he shouted he was still more out of place in short kindly examine me or let me go at once and if you must examine me do so in the proper form I will not allow you to do so otherwise and so meanwhile goodbye as we have evidently nothing to keep us now good heavens what do you mean what shall I question you about cackled Poivre Petrovich with a change of tone instantly leaving off laughing please don't disturb yourself he began fidgeting from place to place and fussily making Raskolnikov sit down there's no hurry there's no hurry it's all nonsense oh no I'm very glad you've come to see me at last I look upon you simply as a visitor and as for my confounded laughter please excuse it Rodin Romanovich Rodin Romanovich that is your name hits my nerves you tickled me so with your witty observation I assure you sometimes I shake with laughter in an Indian rubber ball for half an hour at a time I'm often afraid of an attack of paralysis do sit down please do or I shall think you're angry Raskolnikov did not speak he listened watching him still frowning angrily he did sit down but still held his cap I must tell you one thing about myself my dear Rodin Romanovich Poivre Petrovich continued moving about the room and again avoiding his visitors eyes you see I'm a bachelor a man of no consequence and not used to society besides I have nothing before me I'm sad I'm running to seed and and have you noticed Rodin Romanovich that in our Petersburg circles if two clever men meet who are not intimate but respect each other like you and me it takes them half an hour before they can find a subject for conversation they're dumb they sit opposite each other and feel awkward everyone has subjects of conversation ladies for instance people in high society always have their subject of conversation but people of the middle sort like us thinking people that is are always tongue tied and awkward what's the reason of it whether it's the lack of public interest or whether it is we are so honest we don't want to deceive one another I don't know what do you think do put down your cap it looks as if you were just going it makes me uncomfortable I'm so delighted Raskolnikov put down his cap and continued listening in silence with a serious frowning face to the vague and empty chatter of Porfrey Petrovich does he really want to distract my attention with a silly babble I can't offer you coffee here but why not spend five minutes with a friend Porfrey Petrovich and you know all these official duties please don't mind my running up and down excuse it my dear fellow I'm very much afraid of offending you but exercise is absolutely indispensable for me I'm always sitting and so glad to be moving about for five minutes I suffer from my sedentary life I always intend to join a gymnasium they say that officials of all ranks even privy counsellors may be seen skipping Gaely there there you have it, modern science yes yes but as for my duties here inquiries and all such formalities you mentioned inquiries yourself just now I assure you these interrogations are sometimes more embarrassing for the interrogator than for the interrogated you made the observation yourself just now very aptly and wittily as Golnikov had made no observation of the kind one gets into a muddle a regular muddle one keeps harping on the same note like a drum there is to be reform and we shall be called by a different name at least and as for our legal tradition as you so wittily called it I thoroughly agree with you every prisoner on trial even the rudest peasant know that they begin by disarming him with irrelevant questions as you so happily put it and then deal him a knock down blow your felicitous comparison so you really imagined that I meant by government quarters you're an ironical person come I won't go on by the way yes one word leads to another you spoke of formality just now apopo of the inquiry you know but what's the use of formality in many cases it's nonsense sometimes one has a friendly chat and gets a good deal more out of it one can always fall back on formality allow me to assure you and after all what does it amount to an examining lawyer cannot be bounded by formality at every step the work of investigation is so to speak a free art in its own way haha Barfri Petrovic took breath a moment he had simply babbled on uttering empty phrases letting slip a few enigmatic words and again reverting to incoherence he was almost running about the room moving his fat little legs quicker and quicker looking at the ground with his right hand behind his back while with his left making gesticulations that were extraordinarily incongruous with his words Raskolnikov suddenly noticed at the room he seemed twice to stop for a moment near the door as though he were listening is he expecting anything? you're certainly quite right about it Barfri began gaily looking with extraordinary simplicity at Raskolnikov which startled him and instantly put him on his guard certainly quite right in laughing so wittily at our legal forms some of these elaborate psychological methods are exceedingly ridiculous and perhaps useless if one adheres too closely to the forms yes, I'm talking of forms again well, if I recognise or more strictly speaking, if I suspect someone or other to be a criminal in any case and trust it to me you're reading for the law, of course, Rodin Ormarovic yes I was well then, it is a precedent for you for the future though don't suppose I should venture to instruct you after the articles you publish about crime no, I simply made bold to state it in fact, if I took this man or that for a criminal why, I ask should I worry him prematurely even though I had evidence against him in one case, I may be bound for instance to arrest a man at once but another may be in quite a different position you know so why shouldn't I let him walk about the town a bit but I see you don't quite understand so I'll give you a clearer example if I put him in prison too soon I may very likely give him so to speak, moral support moral support you're laughing Raskolnikov had no idea of laughing he was sitting with compressed lips his feverish eyes fixed on porphyry petroviches yet that is the case, but sometimes especially for men are so different you say evidence well, there may be evidence but evidence, you know, can generally be taken two ways I am an examining lawyer and a weak man, I confess it I should like to make a proof so to say, mathematically clear I should like to make a chain of evidence such as twice, two or four it ought to be a direct irrefutable proof and if I shut him up too soon even though I might be convinced he was the man I should very likely be depriving myself of the means of getting further evidence against him and how? by giving him so to speak a definite position I shall put him out of suspense and set his mind at rest so that he will retreat into his shell they say that at Sevastopol soon after Alma the clever people were in a terrible fright that the enemy would attack openly and take Sevastopol at once but when they saw that the enemy preferred a regular siege they were delighted I am told and reassured for the thing would drag on for two months at least you're laughing you don't believe me again? of course, you're right too you're right, you're right these are special cases I admit I observe this my dear Rodion Romanovich the general case the case for which all legal forms and rules are intended for which they are calculated and laid down in books does not exist at all for the reason that every case, every crime for instance so soon as it actually occurs at once becomes a thoroughly special case and sometimes a case unlike any that's gone before very common cases of that sort sometimes occur if I leave one man quite alone if I don't touch him and don't worry him but let him know or at least suspect every moment that I know all about it and I'm watching him day and night and if he is in continual suspicion and terror he'll be bound to lose his head he'll come of himself or maybe do something which will make it as plain as twice to our fore it's delightful it may be so with a simple present but with one of our sort an intelligent man cultivated on a certain side for my dear fellow it's a very important matter to know on what side a man is cultivated and then there are nerves there are nerves you've overlooked them why, they're all sick nervous and irritable and then how they all suffer from spleen that I assure you is a regular goldmine for us and it's no anxiety to me he's running about the town free let him, let him walk about for a bit I know well enough that I've caught him and that he won't escape me where would he escape to abroad perhaps a pole will escape abroad but not here especially as I am watching and have taken measures will he escape into the deaths of the country perhaps but you know peasants live there real rude Russian peasants a modern cultivated man would prefer prison to living with such strangers as our peasants but that's all nonsense and on the surface it's not merely that he has nowhere to run to he is psychologically unable to escape me what an expression through a law of nature he can't escape me if he had anywhere to go have you seen a butterfly round a candle that's how he will keep circling and circling round me freedom will lose its attractions he'll begin to brood he'll weave a tangle round himself he'll worry himself to death once more he'll provide me with a mathematical proof if I only give him long enough interval and he'll keep circling round me getting nearer and nearer and then he'll fly straight into my mouth and I'll swallow him and that will be very amusing you don't believe me as Golnikov made no reply he set pale and motionless still gazing with the same intensity into Porphy's face it's a lesson he thought turning cold this is beyond the cat playing with a mouse like yesterday he can't be showing off his power with no motive prompting me he is far too clever for that he must have another object what is it it's all nonsense my friend you're pretending to scare me you've no proofs and the man I saw had no real existence you simply want to make me lose my head to work me up beforehand and crush me but you're wrong, you won't do it but why give me such a hint is he reckoning on my shattered nerves no my friend you're wrong, you won't do it even though you have some trap for me let us see what you have in store for me and he braced himself to face a terrible and unknown ordeal at times he longed to fall on Porphy and strangle him this anger was what he dreaded from the beginning he felt that his parched lips were flecked with foam his heart was throbbing but he was still determined not to speak till the right moment he realized that this was the best policy in his position because instead of saying too much he would be irritating his enemy by his silence and provoking him into speaking too freely anyhow this was what he hoped for no, I see you don't believe me you think I'm playing a harmless joke on you Porphy began again getting more and more lively chuckling at every instant and again pacing around the room and to be sure you're right God has given me a figure that can awaken none but comic ideas in other people a buffoon, but let me tell you and I repeat it, excuse an old man my dear Rodion Romanovich you're a man still young so to say in your first youth and so you put intellect above everything, like all young people playful wit and abstract arguments fascinate you and that's for all the world in the Austrian Hofkriegsrat as far as I can judge of military matters that is, on paper they'd beaten Napoleon and taken him prisoner and there in their study they worked it all out in the cleverest fashion but look you, General Max surrendered with all his army I see you Rodion Romanovich you're laughing at a civilian like me taking examples out of military history but I can't help it it's my weakness, I'm fond of military science and I'm ever so fond of reading all military histories I've certainly missed my proper career I ought to have been in the army upon my word I ought I shouldn't have been Napoleon but I might have been a major well I'll tell you the whole truth my dear fellow about this special case I mean actual fact and a man's temperament my dear sir are weighty matters and it's astonishing how they sometimes deceive the sharpest calculation I listen to an old man Rodion Romanovich as he said this who was scarcely 5 and 30 actually seemed to have grown old even his voice changed and he seemed to shrink together moreover I'm a candid man am I a candid man or not what do you say my fancy I really am I tell you these things for nothing and don't even expect a reward for it well to proceed wit in my opinion is a splendid thing it is so to say an adornment of nature and a consolation of life how what tricks it can play so that it sometimes is hard for a poor examining lawyer to know where he is especially when he's liable to be carried away by his own fancy too for you know he's a man after all but the poor fellow is saved by the criminal's temperament who has luck for him but young people carried away by their own wit don't think of that when they overstep all obstacles as you wistily and cleverly expressed it yesterday he will lie that is the man who is a special case the incognito and he will lie well in a cleverest fashion you might think he would triumph and enjoy the fruits of his wit but at the most interesting the most flagrant moment he will faint of course there may be illness and a stuffy room as well but anyway anyway he's given us the idea he lied incomparably but he didn't reckon on his temperament that's what betrays him another time he will be carried away by his playful wit into making fun of the man who suspects him he will turn pale as it were on purpose to mislead but his illness will be too natural too much like the real thing again he has given us an idea though his questioner may be deceived at first he will think differently next day if he's not a fool and of course it is like that at every step he puts himself forward where he's not wanted when he ought to keep silent brings in all sorts of allegorical illusions comes and asks why didn't you take me long ago and that can happen you know with a cleverest man the temperament reflects everything like a mirror gaze into it and admire what you see but why are you so pale is the room stuffy shall I open the window oh don't trouble please Raskolnikov and he suddenly broke into a laugh please don't trouble Parfry stood facing him paused a moment and suddenly he too laughed Raskolnikov got up from the sofa abruptly checking his hysterical laughter Parfry Petrovich he began speaking loudly and distinctly though his legs trembled and he could scarcely stand I see clearly at last that you actually suspect me considering that old woman and her sister Lisa Veta let me tell you for my part that I am sick of this if you find that you have a right to prosecute me legally to arrest me then prosecute me, arrest me but I will not let myself be jerked out to my face and worried his lips trembled his eyes glowed with fury and he could not restrain his voice I won't allow it he shouted bringing his fist down on the table Parfry Petrovich I won't allow it good heavens what does it mean cried Parfry Petrovich apparently quite frightened Rodin Romanovich my dear fellow what's the matter with you I won't allow it Raskolnikov shouted again hush my dear man they'll hear and come in just think what could we say to them Parfry Petrovich whispered in horror bringing his face closer to Raskolnikov's I won't allow it I won't allow it Raskolnikov repeated mechanically but he too spoke in a sudden whisper Parfry turned quickly and ran to open the window some fresh air and you must have some water my dear fellow you're ill and he was running to the door to call for some when he found a decanter of water in the corner come drink a little he whispered rushing up to him with the decanter it will be sure to do you good Parfry Petrovich's alarm and sympathy were so natural that Raskolnikov was silent and began looking at him with wild curiosity he did not take the water over Rodin Romanovich my dear fellow you'll drive yourself out of your mind are you sure you ah ah have some water do drink a little he forced him to take the glass Raskolnikov raised it mechanically to his lips but set it on the table again with disgust yes you've had a little attack you'll bring back your illness again my dear fellow Parfry Petrovich cackled with friendly sympathy though he still looked rather disconcerted good heavens you must take more care of yourself Dmitry Pokovich was here came to see me yesterday I know I know I have a nasty ironical temper but what they made of it good heavens he came yesterday after you'd been we dined and he talked and talked away and I could only throw up my hands in despair did he come from you but do sit down for mercy's sake sit down no not from me but I knew he went to you and why he went Raskolnikov answered sharply you knew I knew what of it why this Rodin Romanovich that I know more than that about you I know about everything how you went to take a flat at night when it was dark and how you rang the bell and asked about the blood so that the workmen in the porter did not know what to make of it yes I understand your state of mind at that time but you'll drive yourself mad like that upon my word you'll lose your head you're full of generous indignation at the wrongs you've received first from destiny and then from the police officers and so you rush from one thing to another to force them to speak out and make an end of it all because you're sick of all this suspicion and foolishness that's so isn't it I've guessed how you feel haven't I only in that way you'll lose your head and Razumans too he's too good a man for such a position you must know that you are ill and he is good and your illness is infectious for him I'll tell you about it when you're more yourself but do sit down for goodness' sake please rest you look shocking Raskolnikov sat down he no longer shivered he was hot all over in amazement he listened with strained attention to Porfrey Petrovich who still seemed frightened as he looked after him with friendly solitude but he did not believe a word he said and we felt a strange inclination to believe Porfrey's unexpected words about the flat had utterly overwhelmed him how can it be he knows about the flat then he thought suddenly and he tells it me himself yes in our legal practice there was a case almost exactly similar a case of morbid psychology Porfrey went on quickly a man confessed to murder and how he kept it up it was a regular hallucination he brought forward facts he imposed upon everyone and why he had been partly but only partly unintentionally the cause of a murder and when he knew that he had given the murder as the opportunity he sank into dejection it got on his mind and turned his brain he began imagining things and he persuaded himself that he was the murderer but at last the High Court of Appeal went into it and the poor fellow was acquitted and put on the proper care thanks to the Court of Appeal my dear fellow you may drive yourself into the Illyrium if you have the impulse to work upon your nerves to go ringing bells at night I've studied blood I've studied all this morbid psychology in my practice a man is sometimes tempted to jump out of a window or from a bell free just the same with bell ringing it's all illness, Rodin Romanovich you have begun to neglect your illness you should consult an experienced doctor what's the good of that fat fellow you are light-headed you were delirious when you did all this for a moment Gaskolnikov felt everything going round is it possible? is it possible? flashed through his mind that he is still lying he can't be, he can't be he rejected that idea feeling to what a degree of fury it might drive him feeling that that fury might drive him mad I was not delirious I knew what I was doing he cried, straining every faculty to penetrate poor for his game I was quite myself do you hear? yes, I hear and understand you said yesterday you were not delirious you were particularly emphatic about it I understand all you can tell me ah listen, Rodin Romanovich, my dear fellow if you were actually a criminal or were somehow mixed up in this damnable business would you insist that you were not delirious but in full possession of your faculties and so emphatically and persistently would it be possible? quite impossible to my thinking if you had anything on your conscience you certainly ought to insist that you were delirious that's so, isn't it? there was a note of slowness in this inquiry Raskolnikov drew back on the sofa as perfectly bent over him and stared in silent perplexity at him another thing about Razumihin you certainly ought to have said that he came of his own accord to have concealed your part in it you lay stress on his coming at your instigation Raskolnikov had not done so a chill went down his back you keep telling lies he said slowly and weakly twisting his lips into a sickly smile you're trying again to show that you know all my game that you know all I shall say beforehand he said conscious himself that he was not weighing his words you want to frighten me or you are simply laughing at me he still stared at him as he said this and again there was a light of intense hatred in his eyes you keep lying he said you know perfectly well that the best policy for the criminal is to tell the truth as nearly as possible to conceal as little as possible I don't believe you what a wily person you are Porfri did it there's no catching you you have a perfect monomania so you don't believe me but still you do believe me you believe a quarter how soon make you believe the whole because I have a sincere liking for you and generally wish you good Raskolnikov's lips trembled yes I do went on Porfri touching Raskolnikov's arm genuinely besides your mother and sister are here now you must think of them you must soothe and comfort them and you do nothing but frighten them what has that to do with you how do you know it what concern is it of yours you're keeping watch on me and want to let me know it good heavens why I learned it all from you yourself you don't notice that in your excitement you tell me and others everything from Mazume and too of interesting details yesterday no you interrupted me but I must tell you that for all your wit your suspiciousness makes you lose the common sense view of things to return to bell ringing for instance I an examining lawyer have betrayed a precious thing like that a real fact for it is a fact worth having and you see nothing in it why if I had the slightest suspicion of you should I have acted like that no I should first have disarmed your suspicions and not let you see I knew of that fact should have diverted your attention and suddenly have dealt you a knock down blow your expression saying and what were you doing sir pray at ten or nearly eleven at the murdered woman's flat and why did you ring the bell and why did you ask about blood and why did you invite the porters to go with you to the police station to the lieutenant that's how I ought to have acted if I had a grain of suspicion of you I ought to have taken your evidence in due form searched your lodgings and perhaps have arrested you too so I have no suspicion of you since I've not done that but you can't look at it normally and you see nothing I say again Raskolnikov started so that Porphyry Petrovich could not fail to perceive it you're lying all the while he cried I don't know your object but you're lying you did not speak like that just now and I cannot be mistaken I am lying Porphyry repeated apparently incensed but preserving a good yomert an ironical face as though he were not in the least concerned Raskolnikov's opinion of him I am lying but how did I treat you just now hi you examining lawyer prompting you and giving you every means for your defence illness I said delirium injury melancholy and the police officers and all the rest of it though indeed all those psychological means of defence are not very reliable and cut both ways illness delirium I don't remember that's alright but why my goods are in your illness and in your delirium were you haunted by just those delusions and not by any others there may have been others Raskolnikov looked heartily and contentiously at him briefly he said loudly and imperiously rising to his feet and in so doing pushing Parfry back a little briefly I want to know do you acknowledge me perfectly free from suspicion or not tell me Parfry Petrovich tell me once for all and make haste what a business I'm having with you cried Parfry with a perfectly good yomert sly and composed face and why do you want to know why do you want to know so much since they haven't begun to worry you you're like a child asking for matches and why are you so uneasy why do you force yourself upon us I repeat Raskolnikov cried furiously that I can't put up with it what was uncertainty interrupted Parfry don't jerk at me I won't have it I tell you I won't have it I can't and I won't do you hear do you hear he shouted bringing his fist down on the table again hush hush they're over here I warn you seriously take care of yourself I'm not joking Parfry whispered but this time there was not the look of old womanish good nature and alarm in his face now he was peremptory stern frowning and for once laying aside all mystification but this was only for an instant Raskolnikov bewildered suddenly fell into actual frenzy but strange to say he again obeyed the command to speak quietly though he was in a perfect praxism of fury I will not allow myself to be tortured he whispered instantly recognising with hatred that he could not help obeying the command and driven to even greater fury by the thought arrest me search me but kindly act in due form and don't play with me don't dare don't worry about the form Parfry interrupted with the same sly smile as it were gloating with enjoyment over Raskolnikov I invited you to see me quite in a friendly way I don't want your friendship and I spit on it do you hear? and here I take my cap and go what will you say now if you mean to arrest me he took up his cap and went to the door and won't you see my little surprise chocolate Parfry again taking him by the arm and stopping him at the door he seemed to become more playful and good-humoured which maddened Raskolnikov what surprise he asked standing still and looking at Parfry in alarm my little surprise it's sitting there behind the door there he pointed to the locked door I locked him in that he should not escape what is it where what Raskolnikov walked to the door and would have opened it but it was locked hey it's locked here's the key and he brought a key out of his pocket you're lying Raskolnikov without restraint you lie you damn punchinello and he rushed at Parfry who retreated to the other door not at all alarmed I understand it all you're lying and mocking so that I may betray myself to you why you could not betray yourself any further my dear Rodin Romanovich you're in a passion don't shout I shall call the clerks you're lying call the clerks you knew I was ill and tried to work me into a frenzy to make me betray myself that was your object produce your facts I understand it all you have no evidence you have only retched rubbishly suspicions like zamatovs you knew my character you wanted to drive me to fury and then to knock me down with priests and deputies are you waiting for them ah what are you waiting for where are they produce them why deputies my good man what things people will imagine and to do so would not be acting in form as you say you don't know the business my dear fellow and there's no escaping form as you see Parfry met it listening at the door through which the noise could be heard ah they're coming cried Raskolnikov you sent for them you expected them well produce them all your deputies your witnesses what you like I am ready but at this moment a strange incident occurred something so unexpected that neither Raskolnikov nor Parfry Petrovich could have looked for such a conclusion to their interview end of part 4 chapter 5 crime and punishment part 4 chapter 6 this is a Libervox recording all Libervox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit Libervox.org crime and punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky translated by Constance Garnett part 4 chapter 6 when he remembered the scene afterwards this is how Raskolnikov saw it the noise behind the door increased and suddenly the door was opened a little what is it cried Porfry Petrovich annoyed why I gave orders for an instant there was no answer but it was evident that there were several persons at the door and that they were apparently pushing somebody back what is it Porfry Petrovich repeated uneasily the prisoner Nikolai has been brought someone answered he is not wanted take him away let him wait what's he doing here how irregular cried Porfry rushing to the door but he began the same voice and suddenly ceased two seconds not more were spent in actual struggle then someone gave a violet shove and then a man very pale strode into the room this man's appearance was at first sight very strange he stared straight before him seeing nothing there was a determined gleam in his eyes at the same time there was a deathly pallor in his face as though he were being led to the scaffold his white lips were faintly twitching he was dressed like a workman and was of medium height very young, slim his hair cut in a round crop with thin spare features the man whom he had thrust back followed him into the room he was treated in seizing by the shoulder he was a water but Nikolai pulled his arm away several persons crowded inquisitively into the doorway some of them tried to get in all this took place almost instantaneously go away, it's too soon wait till you are sent for why have you brought him so soon Porfry Petrovich muttered extremely annoyed he was thrown out of his reckoning but Nikolai suddenly knelt down what's the matter cried Porfry, surprised I am guilty, mine is the sin I am the murderer Nikolai articulated suddenly rather breathless but speaking fairly loudly for ten seconds there was silence as though all had been struck dumb even the water stepped back mechanically retreated to the door and stood immovable what is it? cried Porfry Petrovich recovering from his momentary stupefication I am the murderer repeated Nikolai after a brief pause what? you what? whom did you kill? Porfry Petrovich was obviously bewildered Nikolai again was silent for a moment Aliana Avanovna and her sister Lisaveta Avanovna were killed with an axe darkness came over me suddenly and was again silent he still remained on his knees Porfry Petrovich stood for some moments as though meditating but suddenly roused himself and waved back the uninvited spectators they instantly vanished and closed the door then he looked towards Raskolnikov who was standing staring wildly at Nikolai and moving towards him but stopped short looked from Nikolai to Raskolnikov and then again at Nikolai and seeming unable to restrain himself darted at the ladder you're in too great a hurry he shouted at him almost angrily I didn't ask you what came over you speak did you kill them? I am the murderer I want to give evidence Nikolai pronounced what did you kill them with? an axe I had it ready he is in a hurry alone? Nikolai did not understand the question did you do it alone? yes, alone and Mitka is not guilty and had no share in it don't be in a hurry about Mitka ah how was it you ran downstairs like that at the time? the porters met you both it was to put them off the scent I ran after Mitka Nikolai replied hurrily as though he had prepared the answer I knew it cried porphyry with vexation it's not his own tale he is telling he muttered as though to himself and suddenly his eyes rested on Raskolnikov again he was apparently so taken up with Nikolai that for a moment he had forgotten Raskolnikov he was a little taken aback my dear Rodion Ramanovich excuse me he flew up to him this won't do I'm afraid you must go it's no good you're staying I will you see what a surprise goodbye and taking him by the arm he showed him to the door I suppose you didn't expect it Raskolnikov who though he had not yet fully grasped the situation had regained his courage you did not expect it either my friend see how your hand is trembling you're trembling to Porphyry Prechevich yes I am I didn't expect it they were already at the door Porphyry was impatient for Raskolnikov to be gone and your little surprise aren't you going to show it to me Raskolnikov said sarcastically why his teeth are chattering as he asks you are an ironical person come till we meet I believe we can say goodbye that's in God's hands mother Porphyry with an unnatural smile as he walked through the office Raskolnikov noticed that many people were looking at him among them he saw the two porters from the house whom he had invited that night to the police station they stood there waiting but he was no sooner on the stairs than he heard the voice of Porphyry Prechevich behind him turning around he saw the ladder running after him out of breath one word Rodjan Muromanovich as to all the rest it's in God's hands but as a matter of form there are some questions I shall have to ask you so we shall meet again shant we and Porphyry stood still facing him with a smile shant we he added again he seemed to want to say something more but could not speak out you must forgive me Porphyry Prechevich for what has just passed I lost my temper began Raskolnikov who had so far regained his courage that he felt irresistibly inclined to display his coolness don't mention it don't mention it Porphyry replied almost gleefully I myself too I have a wicked temper I admit it but we shall meet again if it's God's will we may see a great deal of one another and we'll get to know each other through and through added Raskolnikov yes know each other through and through assented Porphyry Prechevich and he screwed up his eyes looking earnestly at Raskolnikov now you're going to a birthday party to a funeral of course the funeral take care of yourself and get well I don't know what to wish you said Raskolnikov who had begun to descend the stairs but looked back again I should like to wish you success but your office is such a comical one why comical Porphyry Prechevich had turned to go but he seemed to prick up his ears at this why how you must have been torturing and harassing that poor Nikolai psychologically after your fashion till he confessed you must have been at him day and night proving to him that he was the murderer and now that he has confessed you'll begin vivisecting him again you are lying you'll say you are not the murderer you can't be it's not your own tale you are telling you must admit it's a comical business you notice then that I said to Nikolai just now that it was not his own tale he was telling how could I help noticing it you are quick-witted you notice everything you've really a playful mind and you always fasten on the comic side hehehe they say that was the marked characteristic of Gogol among the writers yes of Gogol yes of Gogol I shall look forward to meeting you so shall I Raskolnikov walked straight home he was so muddled and bewildered that on getting home he sat for a quarter of an hour on the sofa trying to collect his thoughts he did not attempt to think about Nikolai he was stupefied he felt that his confession was something inexplicable amazing something beyond his understanding but Nikolai's confession was an actual fact the consequences of this fact were clear to him at once its falsehood could not fail to be discovered and then they would be after him again till then at least he was free and must do something for himself for the danger was imminent but how imminent his position gradually became clear to him remembering sketchily the main outlines of his recent scene with porphyry he could not help shuddering again with horror of course he did not yet know all porphyry's aims he could not see into all his calculations but he had already partly shown his hand and no one knew better than Raskolnikov how terrible porphyry's lead had been for him a little more and he might have given himself away completely circumstantially knowing his nervous temperament and from the first glance seeing through him porphyry though playing a bold game was bound to win there's no denying that Raskolnikov had compromised himself seriously but no facts had come to light as yet there was nothing positive but was he taking a true view of the position wasn't he mistaken what had porphyry been trying to get at had he really some surprise prepared for him and what was it had he really been expecting something or not how would they have parted if it had not been for the unexpected appearance of Nikolai porphyry had shown almost all his cards of course he had risked something in showing them and if he had really had anything up his sleeve Raskolnikov reflected he would have shown that too what was that surprise was it a joke had it meant anything could it have concealed anything like a fact a piece of positive evidence his yesterday's visitor what had become of him where was he today if porphyry really had any evidence it must be connected with him he sat on the sofa with his elbows on his knees hidden in his hands he was still shivering nervously at last he got up took his cap thought a minute and went to the door he had a sort of presentiment that for today at least he might consider himself out of danger he had a sudden sense almost of joy he wanted to make haste to Katerina Ivanovna's he would be too late for the funeral of course but he would be in time for the memorial dinner and there at once he would see Sonya he stood still thought a moment and a suffering smile came for a moment onto his lips today today he repeated to himself yes today so it must be the moment to open the door it began opening of itself he started and moved back the door opened gently and slowly and there suddenly appeared a figure yesterday's visitor from underground the man stood in the doorway looked at Raskolnikov without speaking and took a step forward into the room he was exactly the same as yesterday the same figure the same dress but there was a great change in his face he looked dejected inside deeply if he had only put his hand up to his cheek and leaned his head on one side he would have looked exactly like a peasant woman what do you want asked Raskolnikov numb with terror the man was still silent but suddenly he bowed down almost to the ground touching it with his finger what is it cried Raskolnikov I have sinned the man articulated softly how by evil thoughts they looked at one another I was vexed when you came perhaps in drink and bade the porters go to the police station and ask about the blood I was vexed that they let you go and took you for drunken I was so vexed that I lost my sleep and remembering the address we came here yesterday and asked for you who came Raskolnikov interrupted instantly beginning to recollect I did, I've wronged you then you came from that house I was standing at the gate with them don't you remember we have carried on our trade in that house for years past we cure and prepare hides we take work home most of all I was vexed and the whole scene of the day before yesterday in the gateway came clearly before Raskolnikov's mind he recollected that there had been several people there besides the porters women among them he remembered one voice had suggested taking him straight to the police station he could not recall the face of the speaker and even now he did not recognize it but he remembered that he had turned round and made him some answer so this was the solution of yesterday's horror the most awful thought was that he had been actually almost lost had almost done for himself on account of such a trivial circumstance so this man could tell nothing except his asking about the flat and the blood stains so porphyry too had nothing but that delirium no facts but this psychology which cuts both ways nothing positive so if no more facts come to light and they must not they must not then then what can they do to him how can they convict him even if they arrest him and porphyry then had only just heard about the flat and had not known about it before was it you who told porphyry that I had been there he cried struck by a sudden idea what porphyry the head of the detective department yes the porters did not go there but I went today I got there two minutes before you and I heard I heard it all how he worried you where what when why in the next room I was sitting there all the time what what why then you were the surprise but how could it happen upon my word I saw that the porters did not want to do what I said began the man for it's too late said they and maybe he'll be angry that we did not come at the time I was vexed and I lost my sleep and I began making inquiries and finding out yesterday where to go I went today the first time I went he wasn't there when I came an hour later he couldn't see me I went the third time and they showed me in I informed him of everything just as it happened and he began skipping about the room and punching himself on the chest what do you scoundrels mean by it if I'd known about it I should have arrested him then he ran out called somebody and began talking to him in the corner then he turned to me scolding and questioning me he scolded me a great deal and I told him everything and I told him that you didn't dare to say a word and answer to me yesterday and that you didn't recognize me and he fell to running about again and kept hitting himself on the chest and getting angry and running about and when you were announced he told me to go into the next room sit there a bit he said don't move whatever you may hear and he said a chair there for me and locked me in perhaps he said I may call you and when Nikolai had been brought he let me out as soon as you were gone I shall send for you again and question you he said and did he question Nikolai while you were there he got rid of me as he did of you before he spoke to Nikolai the man stood still and again suddenly bowed down touching the ground with his finger forgive me for my evil thoughts and my slander may God forgive you answered Raskolnikov and as he said this the man bowed down again but not to the ground and turned slowly and went out of the room it all cuts both ways now it all cuts both ways repeated Raskolnikov and he went out more confident than ever now we'll make a fight for it he said with a malicious smile as he went down the stairs his malice was aimed at himself with shame and contempt he recollected his cowardice end of part 4 chapter 6