 I describe this person as being someone who was very charismatic, incredibly charming. They were very charming. He's very charming. They could be nice, but then I would switch with a snath. He would just always say one thing and do another. He throws stuff in my face to distract me, to switch the spotlight onto myself, and then everything that he did wrong is out the window. They would make me sick and get my own judgment. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you're saying. I never said that they're crazy. You're crazy. I started to think, you know, maybe I am causing problems because every time I express this, he gets upset. It's always, it always seems like I'm the one causing the problem. The hardest part was having friends telling me that I was being gaslit and I didn't see it. We are continuing our exploration into manipulative mind games that are played in romantic relationships. Now, we began this series talking about love bombing. Then we went into dentistry and today it's all about gaslighting. Now, gaslighting refers to the act of undermining another person's reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings. Targets of gaslighting are manipulated into turning against their own memory, emotions, and possibly their own core identity. People use gaslighting in relationships for two primary reasons. Number one, so they don't have to fix and work on their own shit. And number two, so they can create insecurities in others and use that as a form of control. I think it is massively important that we deconstruct manipulative mind games so that people are able to spot them, avoid them, and if you've been through one, to heal from one. Now, yes, you can listen to this video and get the recipe and try to use this on others, but I truly want to stress nobody wins when mind manipulation is used. Because yes, you can get someone to technically fall for you, but they will despise the experience of being close to you and thus you lose out on the entire point and the joy of intimacy. And that is why it is so crucial that we practice self-care and above all else that we arm ourselves with knowledge so that we can see people with bad intentions miles away. And that is the entire point of this series, to give you awareness so that you can make better informed decisions so that you can choose healthier relationships. And if you want more research on how to do that, may I suggest my audiobook, The Game of Desire, read by me. And it is a story of how I worked with six amazing women through my five phase strategy to helping them become the best versions themselves so they could attract the best people for them. If you also want to do more research than that on mind manipulation, I strongly suggest any audiobook on dark psychology. And speaking of audiobooks, this video is sponsored by my homies, my partners Audible. And Audible has the largest selection of audiobooks on the planet. They have audio fitness programs and Audible originals. Now what's really great about this partnership is I was already a subscriber of Audible for like four years at this point and I only partnered with them after my audiobook, The Game of Desire, got added to their library and then made their top 100. But what I do strongly want to emphasize is y'all, the deal I'm about to tell you was not around when I signed up for Audible. It is a goodie and I want you to take advantage of it. So I want you to go to audible.com slash shambudi or if you're in the U.S. just text shambudi to the number 500500 and then you are going to get Audible for just 6.95 for three months plus you're going to get an audiobook and two Audible originals to put this into context for you. If you were to go and order my audiobook from the publishing company directly, you would spend over $20. But with this offer from Audible, you're spending 6.95 to get my audiobook or any audiobook of your choosing and you're also going to get two Audible originals. So yes, this is definitely a deal and once again, if you want to capitalize off of that, please go to audible.com slash shambudi or text the word shambudi to the number 500500. To further break this down, I'm going to give you the blueprint to how gaslighting shows up in romantic relationships. Step one, a gaslighter will pick their poison. They are going to select the reality they want to enforce and I have noticed that a lot of gaslighters try to create an insecurity based on their own insecurity. So they will project their issues onto you. If they have anger issues, they'll accuse you of having an anger issue. If they are often unfaithful, they will often accuse you of being the one to step out. Once they pick their poison, that's when you get into step two. And step two is repetitions. This person will constantly reinforce whatever again that reality is that they are trying to get you to accept. They will bring it up in joking manners. They'll bring it up in public and they'll often accuse you of it even again when it doesn't actually match up with reality. Step three, a gaslighter will collect co-signers. Now either through using confirmation bias or confirmation fabrication to enforce the reality and oftentimes they'll flat out lie about this and say things like everyone else thinks you're like this. Everyone talks about this behind your back. You're known for being this way. Step four is the good old switcheroo. The gaslighter will use whatever their enforced reality is as a scapegoat whenever they are in the wrong. So if you call them out on something, they will quickly try to switch the narrative to pinning back to that insecurity that they have created in you. And the final most toxic step is console. Step number five is when they will pretend they are the only ones who accept you and who will deal with you and work with you and after they've made you feel the lowest of the lows, they'll swoop in and say, but you know what, we'll get through this together and I'll stand by you even though you've got this really, really toxic problem because I'm the only one who can possibly love you because well, look at you. Now some common phrases you might hear from gaslighters are you're being crazy or you are crazy. I never said that. You're being overly sensitive. You are so paranoid. You love drama. You have the worst memory. Everyone else thinks that you're crazy slash paranoid, sensitive, miserable, insecure, a liar, manipulative, insert awful adjective here. Now for the important part of this video. What do you do if you recognize that there might be a gaslighter in your life? One, I think it's important just to call a spade a spade. You got to sit someone down during a calm time and say, look, I've noticed this pattern that we tend to do in our relationship and this is what it's looking like. I don't want to get into that kind of toxic cycle. So how can we work together to fix it? But ultimately the other person that has to come to you and say, I am a part of this system of change and I want to be accountable for myself so that we have a better connection because if they don't, there's nothing you can do about it. If you try to propose a solution and they just escalate and get angry, I would say that is good cause to try to sever the relationships and self insight truly is a solo sport and you can't change somebody else and it's up to them to change if they want and they value what you share. And if they don't, slide them to the left or put them in a compartmentalized box where they're not going to negatively affect you the way that a gaslighter truly can if completely unleashed. And if you are listening to this and you're thinking, damn, I think I may have gaslit somebody in the past. First and foremost, self insight is the cure to gaslighting and if you recognize that, you are already well on your way to doing better in the future. I also think it's a matter of just affirming to yourself that it's okay to be imperfect. You don't have to try to have a perfect record and have said the right things or did the right things or responded the right way. It's all right to admit your flaws. It's definitely not all right to project them on to other people. It is crucial that none of us fall victim to the idea that we won't have to work on our own faults if we invest our time and energy in highlighting other peoples. And honestly, who wants to be perfect anyways? It's through recognizing our faults and working on them that we achieve our potential in becoming our best self. And if you're never in the wrong at the end of any relationship, then you didn't grow from that relationship. At best, you just got by. That's it. I hope you enjoyed this video and if you did, I want to remind you there's more ways you can gain insight just like this. For example, you can listen to my audiobook, The Game of Desire on Audible and you can use my Audible offer to get a crazy discounted price. You can get Audible for just $6.95 a month for three months and with that offer, you're also going to get one audiobook and two Audible originals. And if you want to capitalize off this deal, please go to Audible.com slash Shambudi or if you're in the US, text Shambudi to the phone number 500-500. You can find full details about the offer in the info box below and if you go down just a little bit lower, you'll find the comment section where I want to hear from you. Gaslighting, have you experienced it? Have you done it? And what have you learned about it?