 Knuts Flakes Program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, yours truly, Don Wilson, and our special guest this evening, Deanna Durbin. By any chance, ice box raiders in your home, or don't I have to ask, because aren't we all? Well, fellow ice box raiders, just remember this. Hands off any in-between meal snacks of meat or cheese these ration days. Instead, help yourself to a tempting bowl full of grape nuts, flakes, and milk. Grape nuts flakes are not rationed, and they're always one swell treat to eat. It's the distinctive, moldy-rich grape nuts flavor turned out in crisp, toasty brown flake form. And you'll find grape nuts flakes just as grand-tasting at mid-afternoon or midnight as they offer breakfast. So now, a wise word to you homemakers. If you'd saved on ration foods all around the clock, always plan to have on hand several of those big 12-ounce economy-sized packages of thrifty, appetizing, grape nuts flakes. In time this season, we bring you a man who, for the past 35 weeks, has either entertained or bored you with his comedy. A man who many of you will have to hate, will hate to see leave the air, and an equal number will jump for joy. I don't know why you should be nervous on the last program. I can imagine the first one, yes. Go ahead, Don. Well, so here he is, folks. Around the whole world is anxious to hear, but on the other hand... Never mind Jack Benny, applause! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny, who thrills or nauseates you as the case may be talking. And just think, Don, this is the last time this season you'll be putting your sweet, lovable boss on the pan. Oh, that's right, Jack. Time certainly flies. It sure does. What a season we've had. 27,000 miles of travel, playing camps from San Diego to Bangor, Maine. Guys, Don, I'm so exhausted I can hardly stand up. You look fine, Jack. You seem to be standing there very firm and upright. That's the microphone, Don. I'm the wreck that's hanging onto it. I tell you, Don, if I didn't have starch in my underwear, I'd fall right over. What a season. Well, Jack, we younger members of the cast feel the strain too. Wait a minute, Don, what do you mean you younger members of the cast? I'm not much older than you are. Oh, you must be, Jack, because I remember when I was just a child in Denver. My mother used to take me to the Arkham Theater to see you. Well, Don, that doesn't prove anything. When I started out in vaudeville, I was just a baby. I was a child prodigy. But you walked out on the stage wearing a tuxedo. I don't care. There were diapers underneath. And that flask on my hip had a nipple on it. But getting back to our programs this year, Don, we sure have covered a lot of territory. Chicago, Baltimore, New York, Montreal. Well, speaking of Montreal, Jack, didn't you borrow $5 from me during our visit there? Then Ottawa, Toronto, and back to Chicago. I said, didn't you borrow $5 from me during our visit to Montreal? Then Camp Custer, Michigan, and finally, home again. What a trip. I said, didn't you borrow $5 from me in Canada? Yes, and as soon as I get some Canadian money, I'll pay you back. Oh, hello, Mary. Am I glad to see you. Hello. Say, Jack, what are you yelling at Don for? Well, in the first place, I didn't like the introduction he gave me. Let me ask you something, Mary. Do I bore people? Certainly. Who said you didn't? Nobody said I didn't. He said I did. Oh. Say, Jack, I bet you're glad we're going off the air tonight. You really look worn out. I am tired, Mary. Radio is a pretty tough grind. Well, it's tough for all of us. That is tougher on me. You don't have to come in until noon on Sundays, but I got to be here at 8 a.m. when the orchestra boys rehearse. Well, it's your own fault. Why don't you let somebody else sell them coffee and donuts? Because it's my concession, and I can't get a guy to run us. By the way, Mary, after the show, I'll tell you a dozen donuts that have sacrificed. A lot of Phil's boys had hangovers this morning, and all they wanted was coffee. Thank goodness, next Sunday I can sleep. By the way, Jack, what are you planning on doing this summer? Well down, my doctor advised me to go away for a while, where it's quiet and peaceful. Say, Jack, why don't you go to my uncle's sanitarium? Oh, has your uncle got a sanitarium? Yes, it's called Dr. Livingston's Rest Home for Jitterbugs who can't quit dancing after the music stops. I must tell my cousin Boo-Boo about that. But I have other plans for the summer, Mary. I'm going to the low Sierras. Pardon me, Jack, you mean high Sierras. I'm going to the low Sierras. For heaven's sake, Jack, high means altitude, not price. Oh. Then I'll go to the high Sierras, a price. I mean the altitude will be good for me, you know. Say, Mr. Benny, is this being our last program? Oh, hello, Dennis. Say, Mr. Benny, is this being our last program? Oh, how do you feel, kid? Oh, I'm doing as well as can be expected. What do you mean? Well, who expects anything of me? Oh, that's right. Now, what did you want, Dennis? Well, this being our last program, I thought I'd ask you for the $10 you owe me. What $10? The $10 you borrowed from me in Boston. Do you want to pay it? Well... You'll have to wait until you get some Massachusetts money. You'll have to wait until I remember I borrowed it. Now, Dennis, when did I ask you for that $10? Don't you remember you wanted to buy a wallet to keep your money in? Yes. I gave you $2 for a wallet and $8 to put in it. Oh, that's right. I'll give you the $10 later, kid. And now, Dennis, this being the last program of the season. Gee, the last program. Next week, I'll just be walking past the bank. Oh, well... You can still wait until the president. He's always sitting out in front of the bank in a rocking chair. Yeah, he used to own a store in Brooklyn. No kidding. It doesn't seem possible if this is our last show. It is, though. Yes, sir. It's Aloha and Goodbye. All right, Don. Aloha and Goodbye. Oh, Jack, not on our last broadcast. Don, Aloha and Goodbye. But this one is so obvious a child could figure it out. Don, read what I wrote. Now, go ahead. First, Aloha. Oh, all right. Ladies and gentlemen, the next time you're at your grocers, why not buy a package of toasty brown sweet as in that grape nut flakes? You'll find the price is not a hi-ha or even a medium a-ha. In fact, it is very Aloha. Okay, that's Aloha. Now, Goodbye. Oh, Jack. Don, Goodbye. Oh, very well. Very, very well. Grape nut flakes in the big 12-ounce economy-sized package is an excellent value. Don, it's a Goodbye. It's a marvelous investment. Don, it's a Goodbye. It's an intelligent purchase. Don, Goodbye. All right. So long. Now, come back here. We had a walk out on our listeners and never know what I was driving yet. Oh, well, sing, Dennis. Everything that's beautiful It's summer with that fat glow There's much I know Angels and moon, heaven and star I'm with Everything That's Beautiful sung by Dennis Day, who rhymes with work, shirt, and clerk. And now, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, Mr. Benny, I just thought of something. What is it? How come we're going off the air tonight, and Fred Allen is staying on the radio for four more weeks? Well, I think I can explain that to you, kid. You see, Fred Allen's sponsor figures that Allen ought to stay on the air until he gets a laugh. And he's got four more weeks to prove that he's a comedian. And I've got a hunch that on the last show, his pants will come down. There'll be a sign on his underwear saying, Smile, darn you, smile. I hope that answers your question, kid. Now, wait a minute, Jackson. Quit panning, Fred Allen. If you ask me, I think he's the funniest guy on the air. Do I hear a voice from the cornfield? What was that you just said, Phil? I said that Fred Allen's the funniest guy on the air. Oh, yeah? And he's a great ad-libber. Many a time I've seen him stand up on the stage and reel off gags without no script. Without no script, huh? Phil, let me ask you something. When you noticed Allen standing there without any script, did you also notice that he kept his right hand in his coat pocket? So what? He's got a joke book there that's printed in braille. You ever put heavy gloves on that guy who couldn't open his mouth? Ad-lib comedian. Let me tell you something. There are very few of us left. Oh, I suppose... I suppose you're an ad-lib comedian. Yes, I am. Go on. You stuck your toe yesterday and your writers had a cue you to say ouch. Ouch has been overdone. I said gosh, dingus. So much for Allen with his baggy eyes. Allen's face looks like a baby kangaroo peeking out of a side pocket. Now, where were we? Don't forget the special poem I wrote for our last broadcast. Oh, yes, let's get that over with too. What's the title of your poem, Mary? Aloha and Goodbye. You stole that from me. Go ahead and read it. Ahem, ahem. Go ahead. Don't be nervous. Just read the poem. Go ahead. Go ahead, kid. Read it, kid. I say... Oh. All right, oh-ho. I say aloha and goodbye. I feel so sad that I could cry. We surely hate our show to close, but when you got to go, you got to go. Nice rhyming there. We have traveled near and far. We've traveled by plane. We've traveled by car. And I guess if you have heard, we have even traveled by bird. By bird? We took the lock to San Francisco. That's a train. Go ahead, that's a train. Go ahead. We've been in the desert where the heat was so great that it melted the teeth out of Jack's upper plate. That I don't remember. We've been in Toronto where it was 20 below and Jack lost his lowers in a street full of snow. So much for my mouth. Is that all? No, there's one more verse. Oh, one more. Go ahead. We'll be back again next fall when the frost is on the pumpkin. We hope that we will please you all and our program won't be stunk in the air. Thank you very much. Well, Deanna, I'm awfully glad you dropped in on us tonight. Gosh, I haven't seen you since you were a little girl working on Eddie Candor's program. That was quite a while ago. Yes, it was. Do you remember how I used to drop in a rehearsal once in a while and hold you on my knee? Uh, don't try it now. Oh, I won't. I won't. And here you are on my program. Deanna, do you like working with me as well as you did with Eddie Candor? Oh, yes, yes. Of course, you're much younger than I expected. I just love this girl. What, uh, what was that? What was that you said, Deanna? I said you're much younger than I expected. Wow. You must have expected Trader Horne. Oh, be quiet. Oh, by the way, Deanna, you know the members of our cast, don't you? Mary, Phil. Sure, hello, Mary. Hello. Hiya, Deanna. That's Deanna. He never gets the name right. Look at that. And this is Deanna's, say our singer. Say hello to Miss Durbin. Dennis. Hello. Hello, Dennis. Hello. Hello, Dennis. Hello. Dennis, say something, get going. Will you marry me, Miss Durbin? Don't mind him, Deanna. Well, Dennis, that was awfully sweet of you, and I appreciate it very much, but I'm already married. Gosh, I meet the only girl in the world for me, and she's already the only girl in the world for her husband. Don't worry about things like that. Oh, Dennis, for heaven's sake, you'll get another girl. Not me. I'm going to take poison. All right. You may not be aware of this, but I nearly played opposite you in your latest picture, hers to hold. They were thinking of using me for your leading man. Well, that's Hollywood for you. Oh, kidding, Deanna. I really was going to be in the picture, but they picked Joseph Cotton for the part. Well, someone's got to pick that Cotton. Marry. Well, Deanna, we're all anxious to hear you, well, salty pants is back. Jack, say, how about introducing me to Miss Durbin? Not until you say what I told you to. All right. Grinch nut flaker, goodbye. Glad to know you, Miss Durbin. There. That's that. Now, Don, stop howling. Pull in those liver lifts. They're hanging way out over the audience. Now, Deanna. Well, liver is hard to get nowadays. Now, Deanna, we're all ready and anxious to hear your song, so, oh, John, that's probably Rockets are calling about the party. What party? You know what party? I'm giving a farewell dinner for my whole gang and several big movie stars. Gary Cooper, Robert Taylor, Barbara Stanley, Claudette Colbert, Rodney Dangerfield, and Stella, and Stella Bugginhaven. Who are those last two? You never heard of Rodney Dangerfield and Stella Bugginhaven? Didn't you see Pangs of Passion for Adults Only? Movies once in a while, sister. They're coming. I'm coming. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rod. How's the arrangement for the party coming along? I and Boss have just delivered the meeting. We've got Lucky Hamburger. What do you mean, Lucky Hamburger? I found a horseshoe in it. Meet for Carmichael for the party tonight. I want you to fry that chicken that's in the refrigerator. It looks very tender. Oh, it was. It was. Did you eat that whole chicken? All but one wing. That got away from it. Well, we'll have to serve the hamburger. By the way, Rochester, what about our guests tonight? Have any of the movie stars arrived yet? Well, Mr. Taylor and Miss Stanley called and said they wouldn't be able to come on a town of a headache. They have one headache between them? Uh-huh. And Mr. and Mrs. Gary Cooper called and they were very anxious to find out who you were. I see. So none of the movie stars are coming, eh? Oh, yes. Mr. Dangerfield and Miss Buckingham have been in this room. What? That's country folks, boss. To them, dinner is 12 o'clock. Well, tell them to make themselves at home. See you in a little while, Rochester. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? Heart of those donuts I made go over with the Augusta boys today. Not very good, Rochester. The holes were a little too big. In fact, Frankie, Phil's guitar player, is wearing one around his head to keep his derby from flipping down. I see. Well, it's the last show, boss. You can have the last gig. Goodbye. Goodbye. The Universal Picture Hurts the Hole will present for the first time on the air, say a prayer for the boys over there, written by Jimmy McHugh and Herb Magnuson. Go ahead, Ian. On this occasion, not long ago, folks, we looked upon Memorial Day as a day of painful memories from which time had removed the pain and left only beauty. But this Memorial Day is different. Today, Valley Forge and Bull Run and Gettysburg and Datto Theory come marching out of the past so we see them clearly again. Because marching at their side are the men of Baton and Pearl Harbor and Corrigidor and Waist. Someday, time will erase the pain of the memory of Baton and Pearl Harbor as it once erased the pain of Burdon. But tonight, the gold stars are too new and bright. The wounds in our hearts too fresh and the pain too sharp to forget. And thus, Memorial Day becomes more than a roll call of our honor dead and a roll call more of the living. And the living must step forth to answer and they must say, all these men from 1776 to 1943, they died for me. So let me work and let me buy the bond and let me, with the helping hand of God, make the sacrifice that tells the soul of each one of these men, you did not die in vain. They are government's nutrition program. The basic seven is our springboard to good health. For the basic seven, the seven different groups of foods our government urges us to eat every day was created to ensure a better fed and hence more efficient America. And the basic seven is a program that's as simple and workable as it is wise. For instance, one basic seven food that's plentiful, thrifty, and not rationed is whole grain cereal. And that sells crisp toasty brown grape nut flakes for whole grain basic seven cereal. Now, milk and fruit are also basic seven foods. So when you serve malty rich grape nut flakes with milk and luscious fruit, you're getting free food from your daily basic seven in one nourishing grand tasting dish. So help yourself to better health. Do as Uncle Sam asked. Live by the basic seven. And so we come to the end of the last program in this great nut flakes series and we'll be with you again next fall. I want to thank Deanna Durbin for her gracious appearance here tonight. Also my appreciation to our listeners for the many years of sharing our program with us. Thanks to my cast and my writers, Bill Maro and Ed Beloin. Happy summer to everybody. Good night, folks. The half-hour drama of those we love moves into the jack-o'-lantern time for the summer. You'll enjoy those we love, but it's an exciting and romantic story about the sort of folks who might be your next-door neighbor. Make a note on your calendar and don't miss those we love. Next Sunday night at the same time. Have a good night.