 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Assey of JonathanAssey.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, Why Men Ignore You Even when there's great chemistry. I don't know how ignore would look. Really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell. And if you like this video, please hit the like button after you've watched it or at any time while you're watching it. Alright, we're going to talk about why men ignore women even when there's great chemistry. I'm trying to put my button on here. So really quickly, recently in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery, one of our members asked a question and we had a great dialogue in the group. I love the group because we had these great dialogues and it was on the weekend so it was kind of fun to be able to exchange with my members. And what she asked, now I'm going off on tangent, what she asked centered around, she had a great first date with a guy, she had a great first date with a guy, lots of connection, affection towards each other, appreciation and everything. A little bit of PDA was going on and then the next morning or the next day, I believe later in the afternoon, he wrote a message saying, I don't think we're a fit with one another. And she's like, totally confused. She's like, what just happened here? I thought we had this great chemistry and all of a sudden he's ignoring me. He's not really ignoring, he's basically not pursuing someone. And why I'm using the term ignore is he's basically ignoring the opportunity to pursue a relationship with her because he wasn't feeling it. So what happened on a Friday night at eight o'clock, nine o'clock, 10 o'clock at night, whatever, to the next day him changing his mind? And that's what I want to lean into today. So one of the things we have to recognize is this term called chemistry. What is chemistry? Chemistry is brain chemicals being released in our body that makes us feel good when we feel a connection for another human being. Chemicals include testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin. All of these chemicals are released in our brain. And the stronger those chemicals, the more crack cocaine that it feels, especially dopamine, the more we feel like we're with somebody who is the one or that we're really, really, really into. Now, we might be experiencing lust or we might be experiencing limerence, which is extreme infatuation. It's predicated, though, on all those chemicals being released in our body. Now, if you're not familiar with the work of Esther Perrell, I highly recommend reading her book called Mating Incaptivity. Mating Incaptivity, because she talks about erotic desires. And what's happening is, initially, when there's great chemistry, feeling an erotic connection with another human being. But now, I want to share with you what happened to this man the next day, because I've been that guy. I've come on strong. I've been really into someone. And I thought, wow, we just have this great chemistry on the first day. I mean, I've had situations where we spent the entire night talking about how great the chemistry was. And the next morning, God, what happened? Well, what happened? And at the time, before I studied this work, before I studied this, I had no idea. All I knew is I didn't have feelings for her anymore. Like, all of a sudden, the feelings were gone. And then I was a deer in the headlights. And sometimes I would just ghost. I wouldn't follow up with a phone call. Sometimes I would do what's called the dysfunctional moonwalk. And I would come up with excuses because I was too embarrassed to say, I don't know why I don't like you anymore. And it wasn't intentional. It was simply, all of a sudden my feelings changed. And as I leaned into more emotional maturity, if I experienced this, well, now I don't experience anymore because I don't allow my emotions to get ahead of me. I don't allow myself to get caught up. I do my best to pace myself. But what I appreciated about the God who sent the message to my, to my member is that at least he was being honorable. Something shifted. And what happened is the chemicals were no longer in his body. And what we were left with was the balance of the date. And for that guy, what happened was he just was in a state of confusion. He actually should have given her two or three more chances. But he was so confused, most likely, I'm generalizing here, most likely he was so confused that the chemistry wasn't there anymore that he thought something was wrong with her. When there was nothing wrong with her. And there was nothing wrong with him. This is a natural byproduct of the dating process. This is why dating should be done at a fairly good pace of a couple dates per week for the first few weeks, maybe one or two dates per week for the first three or four weeks. So you can build time getting to know one another and start building serotonin instead of dopamine. And this has the greater chance for success in relationship. Now, many of you know, and I do this in every video, I talk about the importance of loving on oneself because here's what happens. We could judge the man for being wrong for what happened in this particular case or we could just look it and say, you know what? Hey, I really appreciated that he reached out. You know what? This happens. But what's most important is I'm loving on myself. This is why I highly recommend ordering my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. There's a link below to my book and all the books I recommend. Why this is so important is that if it doesn't work out with a guy, that's okay. He didn't do anything wrong. He wasn't doing anything intentional. This is just a byproduct of what happens in the dating process. And this is why it's so important that we actually begin to build the friendship versus the romance in the early stages that we actually build the friendship instead of the romance. So I'm here as a proponent that romance actually masks and confuses us and when we can build a heart centered connection we have a greater chance for success and that's my invitation for you and everyone else because what happened with these guys that ignore you or disappear or ghost even when you think there's great chemistry? It's just they don't know any better. They just haven't learned that this is just a cycle. This is a byproduct of what happens in the mating process. And biologically we were designed to spread our seed but not necessarily. Most humans haven't really learned how to be in a healthy happy relationship and that's why my videos are more centered on helping you understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. I hope this is syncing in. Alright, I'm going to wrap up this video today as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic shot at the baroque of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to a friend or a pet or a teddy bear like the one I have here and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.