 Hello, it's me, Crystal, on Clock Talk, welcome. So today we're gonna be talking about something a little meaty, a little juicy, a little, well, some people might find it shameful or embarrassing to discuss something like this, but matter of fact, we're speaking, they say 99% of the people do it and 1% lie about it. So what's the big deal? We're gonna talk about masturbation, but specifically masturbation and relation to women and what it is for the fantasies and how do we approach and own this aspect of our very personal bodies and feelings. So join us now for this juicy topic, yeah? Claire, welcome. Again, our wonderful Dr. Claire Rountree from the Hawaii Psychology Collective, again. Great to be here, happy new year. Happy new year. And this opening of the new year, we're gonna bless it with something that's really for us women, right? We are, it's such an important topic and one that still in 2017 is so under-spoken about. Yeah, I mean, masturbation is a topic that people shun on anyway, and most people assume it's usually a guy issue and people don't even wanna go close to the women in masturbation. Why is that? Well, I agree. We can start off today's show by just taking a peek at a statistic or two. Oh, great. So we know that the majority of women, thankfully, over the age of 18 report having masturbated at least once. But what might be a little less known and to me rather shocking is that a wonderful study out of the famous Kinsey Institute at Indiana University suggests that in women ages 25 to 29, there's really juice ears, right? Only 7.9% of those women reported masturbating weekly, whereas about 30% of men reported masturbating several times a week. So while most of us have, quote, tried it, many of us don't sustain it. We don't practice it. We don't incorporate it into a part of our lives in the same way that men do. And in not doing that, we are missing out on so many benefits from self-stimulation. There are so many. We can just, if you'd like, start talking about some of them. But I think it's really important to educate. Before we talk about that one, though, but I wanna balance it with the male side again because people tend to always distinguish or generalize that men can separate sex with feelings and therefore they can masturbate regularly without any reference to anything. Just a little stimulation. Visual or fantasy. Right, right. But women usually are attached to feelings and emotions and when it comes to masturbation, why is it? Why is it such a shush thing and you don't come back? I think there are many reasons for that. So I think in general, historically, we as women have not and in some ways continue to not be conditioned to have open sexual conversations about our bodies, about topics such as self-stimulation and it's just simply not as normalized as it is for men. Then we could really go further and say, well, I know in my private practice, psychology practice, I have a lot of women who come in, who are in their 30s and have never had an orgasm. Who are far too ashamed to even touch themselves. Who because of familial value systems or spiritual value systems or cultural value systems, that's off limits and that has remained off limits and often by the time they come in to see me, they're so displeased with that part of their lives that they want some help to try to turn the corner and that's a really wonderful thing. But it's interesting that they're searching for help when they realize that there is something maybe culturally or societal pressures that kept them from pursuing it, but yet they know their body's telling them that, hey, there's something missing in my life that I need. Absolutely. And of course, not all women necessarily who have those feelings of shame and judgment get to the place where they're able to overcome them unfortunately, but fortunately, many women decide, you know what? I want to take control of my pleasure. I want to know how to pleasure myself. I want to know how to be a better partner, a better lover, and so it's really nice when those women show up in my office. I think so too. And also this conversation right now is very healthy. And I have to bring it back to porn because we talked about this several times on my show. Pornography is a huge kind of a misleading, informative or stimulating platform for the wrong reasons and men tend to educate themselves from this and there's nothing about the pleasuring of women and if they do pleasure the women, it's also because it's catered to the man's gaze. So there's really nothing in education or media or even porn sites to help women to charge, no? I'm pretty excited because I knew that I was doing the show and believe it or not, just yesterday, I came across such a remarkable resource I wanted to share with your audience on here that is completely catered to women's self-pleasure, the teaching of, the education of, even tutorials, specifically about women's self-pleasure, it's really remarkable. And that resource is called, Oh My Guys, that's called OMG, E-Y-E-S. And to me when I found that yesterday, it really broke a barrier for me because it really was for me and I do quite a bit of work in this area. The first resource that had purely been dedicated to the normalization, celebration of women's self-pleasure. But to go back to the education aspect of it or information aspect of it, do you think we need to be educated on masturbation? Like boys, they just naturally do it, it's just something innate. Then when he teaches them, it's not necessarily because they watch porn. So women too, right? You learn, some girls when they're like three, they're like rocking in their chairs and their mother's like, Oh my God, what's she doing? Yeah, right? That's true. And I think though we could compare that with many other things. So what type of exposure we have or don't have, how into self-discovery we are or aren't, many, many women benefit truly from education about their bodies. And it may sound surprising, but it really is a fact that the more women know about where to put your fingers, how to use the sex toy, how to use other objects. I don't care if it's a shower head and electric toothbrush, all of these things can bring a woman to orgasm. And so the more education a woman allows herself to have, the more empowered ultimately she will be in terms of her own sexual health and that's worth everything. Yeah, so let's talk about this empowerment because people don't really associate masturbation with empowerment per se, but if you think about it, it truly, truly is that simple. I mean, you're owning your body. You are entitling yourself to a pleasure that nobody's taken away from you. It's so true. There are so many wonderful benefits of self-stimulation for women. We can begin by just looking at the simple physiology. When we self-stimulate, we are increasing blood flow. So these wonderful happy neurochemicals, especially dopamine and oxydocin start coursing through and boy, does it feel good. Even if we don't reach orgasm, the generation of blood flow will help those feel good chemicals really start to arise. And that is in and of itself an amazing positive for self-stimulation. It's also fun. Once you start masturbating as a woman and you know how to bring yourself to orgasm, which with the toys today is not a hard thing to do, is my opinion, it's a very, very empowering feeling, as you said. I'm taking ownership of my body and I'm taking ownership of my pleasure. It helps us sleep better. After we have an orgasm, that's attention release. So we tend to get a little physically exhausted sometimes. So studies have even shown that regular masturbation in women helps women sleep better. Which especially if you're stressed or just kind of tied up with a lot of things in life. That was my next comment. It's also a really wonderful stress reliever. And even if you do have a partner, sometimes a partner can't satisfy you. Many times a kid cannot. And there's that lack of communication. You just don't want to bother and then sometimes you resort to masturbation. But I don't want to say resort actually. It's actually a choice, isn't it? Oh, it's a wonderful choice. Especially if it ends up in an orgasm, right? So when you're partnered, masturbation is a wonderful thing because the freer you are with your body, the freer perhaps you'll be in your relationship. And ultimately the more sexual reciprocity in that relationship. So masturbation really does also teach us hopefully to feel empowered to speak about what does feel good, what doesn't. And when we're in a relationship, having that open dialogue is just tantamount to having a really healthy sex life. Yes. And again, going back to criticizing porn for the lack of that is because there is that lack of sensitivity of communication. It's all in your face and using props in just such a vulgar way that you don't realize that just that simple little communication to be a partner of where, like you said, to move a position or what you want. Lighter, faster, harder. Put your finger there. It's so true. I think porn fulfills other things. I think that it can be useful in many cases or fun, sexual aid in a relationship, but porn is not intimacy. And also distorts fantasy. And where does that take us? Because a lot of times masturbation uses fantasy to carry us through to whatever pleasure we want to seek. Well, and I would say there's nothing wrong with fantasy. Right, of course not. I would say fantasy is very healthy whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, whatever the case may be, using our imagination is a wonderful thing. So first and foremost, though, again, the more we know about ourselves, the more in control that we are likely to feel about do I or do I not want to incorporate pornography? What's the relationship sexually I want to have with my partner? Even if we're not partnered, one of the great benefits of regular masturbation is that it kind of keeps us in the game, if you will. So if we go long periods of time without sex, there are ramifications of that. The drought and the shrinking of the tunnel or the mist. The shrinking of the tissue, the lack of blood flow, the lack of lubrication. These are very real outcomes of not having sex. So regular masturbation can keep us healthy, can keep us vaginally healthy, can keep our blood flow going, et cetera. It also keeps us psychologically, though, in touch with ourselves. So most of us don't go through the entirety of our lives with a partner. Right. Most of us just don't. Or even if you have a partner, you're not doing anything with them. You may not be having a lot of sex. So knowing, again, that you're not beholden to, it's just a wonderful thing. So you're thinking throughout the years for women, it doesn't matter how old you are or what stage in life you are in, that's masturbation is a healthy thing that you should actively and proactively continue in your life, be a part of your life. Absolutely, because women's sexual health is a very important piece of overall health. And I think that that's the message, if no other, that I really wanna get out today, is that if a woman has a healthy relationship with her sexuality and the expression of it and pleasuring herself, that goes a long way toward overall confidence, self-esteem. You're right. But it's just so funny because a lot of older women, they think, okay, after menopause, literally dried up, don't care, don't think it's necessary in their life to have anything sexual. And then again, like you said, it's so important in terms of your psychological well-being too that you need to continue that. And of course, ultimately it is what it is. It's a personal choice. So, but talking about the benefits of maintaining a sexual relationship with yourself throughout the lifespan, I think it's an important conversation. And then obviously individuals will do whatever they feel is best for them. But it certainly does have multiple proven benefits. Right, well, we're gonna recap those benefits when we come back from a quick break. So again, there's conversation, there's healthy conversation about masturbation for women. Don't go away, we'll be back continuing this talk. So all this hacking has become a major topic. I'm Andrew, the security guy. Join me on Hibachi Talk and learn a little bit more about it. I have my friend Gordo and my puppet buddy Angus. Check us out on Fridays at one o'clock on Think Tech Hawaii. Hi, I'm Marianne Sasaki and I'm speaking to all engaged citizens. I think everybody should know that there's gonna be a big women's march on Washington on January 21st and there will also be independent marches in each city around the country. And the purpose is for our voices to be heard and to take a stand on reproductive rights and other rights which may be eroded under this presidency. It's not a protest march, however. It's a positive march. So look for your local march and join in. Every hand counts. Looking to energize your Friday afternoon? Tune in to stay on The Energy Man at 12 noon. Aloha Friday here on Think Tech Hawaii. Back here on Quack Talk, I'm Crystal talking about masturbation for women. But before we get into the whole use the women's issues with masturbation, I just wanna say with Claire here that when I had a show in Hong Kong when we talked about masturbation, we talked, first of all, I didn't know the proper term for masturbation in Chinese. I only learned the slang, which equivalent to jerking off in Chinese, literally means to hit the airplane. Da fei gei, it's a hit the airplane. Which if you think about the visual of that, it's like you're slapping, right? Yeah, yeah. So it's a very masculine image. So it's interesting that the vocabulary for the Chinese masturbation is something that's masculine. Peer toward men. Right, yeah. I mean, there is obviously there that the technical terms is actually more feminine, if you will, and it's more internalized. But masturbation for men and women are so different. One is so, it could be internal, it could be multifaceted as women are. And then it's just so simple. It's just jerking off, really. I think mechanically it's simpler as well. Yes. Right, so I can just speak about the mechanics of it. You know, there's a penis, I can see it, and I know what to do with it. So for us as women, our physiology, our genitalia is a bit more complicated. There are more moving parts. There's several parts. Several parts. There's inside, outside. Right, and so we really typically as women, and not that men don't do experimentation because they do in terms of positioning and what feels better and what doesn't. But as women, we really owe it to ourselves to allow ourselves to do that experimentation. To explore, right. Because it isn't only, for instance, stimulating the clitoris. Right. Which of course, we know, can bring us to orgasm, but stimulating other parts of our genitalia can feel good as well. And you just don't know until you start experimenting and allow yourself. To explore. To explore your own body, it's your body. Yeah, yeah, it's nobody else's. Whether it's your partner or yourself exploring, there's so much, it's so creative. So I want to bring in a Zuri from the panel. Zuri, we haven't had your voice for a while on our show. So what are your thoughts on masturbation? Do it, it's healthy for you. Do it. Do it, it's healthy for you. What are you all, you know, Nike should take on a masturbation toy. Right, just do it. Just do it, right? I love it, I love it. Well, speaking of toys, I mean that's a good segue because, you know, a lot of women have never, never even used a sex toy. They've never used a vibrator. They've never used a dildo. There are so many great products out there. You know, in fact, that's one of the reasons we wanted this conversation is because I approached this sex shop and I wanted them to come in to just kind of show what's out there. But they unfortunately just turned it down maybe because of, again, shyness or whatever you want to bring it out. Who knows, yeah. Yeah, but I would encourage, I would really encourage women and have encouraged women to take a trip to their local sex shop. For some women that may be a little intimidating. Right, right. But it can be a super wonderful educational experience. If that's too intimidating, it's okay because these days it's so easy to just go on the internet and begin educating ourselves about the difference between a vibrator and a dildo, which many women don't know. Right, and then there are these ones that kind of satisfy the inside and outside. They look like just strange creatures. We've got toys that really hit the G-spot. Right. That's a whole different thing. That's a whole other thing. That's like a secret thing. It's a whole different ball of wax, right? And so that's another part of self exploration for women is finding their G-spot. Not just their clitoris, but their G-spot. So there really truly is a lot of education that is available to us if we just open ourselves to, you know, just really bring that in so that we can empower ourselves as sexual beings. So that's healthy beings. Yes, absolutely. But do you think there's any time too young, too early for young adults to be educated on this, or? You know, that's a very personal parental call. I think that for a lot of parents, and right now I'm thinking of a very dear friend of mine, who has a four-year-old, you know, who happens to be a male, you know, she started educating him when he was about two and a half because she saw him beginning to continually self-stimulate. So I think that can be just an obvious marker, right? If you happen to have a young child and you see them to, you know, engage in conversation, a little self-stimulation, just age-appropriate. And I think that's the key. Would you encourage it personally? You know, I'm very heavy on education. So I usually will lean on the side of yes, open education and open dialogue. And it depends on the kid, too. If they're curious about life and they are exploring, you might want to encourage that conversation. And the parent will know, certainly better than I. But in general, I do believe information is power, yeah. But culture is a real stigma for a lot of people. And you know, especially like Chinese culture, I have a friend in Taiwan and her daughter, she's a very precocious 10-year-old, would actually tell her mother that she feels she wants to pleasure herself. And Taiwanese mother is like, oh my God, I can't believe what I'm gonna do yet. Yeah, yeah. So some people are more sexual than others, too. Some people are more, and for a host of reasons. Right, okay. And for a host of reasons. So I think that for instance, when somebody comes in, when a woman comes in to see me for sexual related issues, as a clinician, I do my very best to make sure I'm taking into consideration the cultural lens, the value system, the spiritual lens, the physical applicable past traumatic experiences that can play a very big factor. So for example, abuse from a previous? Sure, abuse early exposure to pornography, it could be a myriad of things. So as a clinician, you know, I think that's really our expertise is in looking at each person as an individual and working with them where they are. But cultural shame is real. Religious shame is real. So outside of the cultural and religious aspects of it, when is masturbation unhealthy? Masturbation becomes unhealthy when it's interfering with an individual's ability to carry out normal daily functions. And I treat this as well. So now we're really talking about truly a form of sex addiction. And it's a very serious thing. So I see this a lot in conjunction with the use of internet porn. Right, going back to that. A lot of it, not always, but mostly. And I think that anytime you're engaging in a behavior where you're doing so much of it that it begins feeling like an obsession. And really what that means is you're thinking about it all the time. Then you have compulsive action. I have to do it, I have to do it, I have to do it. And you're shirking other important aspects of your life. Then we have a real clinical issue on our hand. But going back to the male aspect, again, don't, you know, they all think about it all the time. So when is it unhealthy for them to not to overdo it? Oh, I've had many men in my practice over the years treating them for sex addiction related to masturbation. So it's okay to think about it, but it's just your consequential. Are they not going to work because of it? Or going back in every two minutes to? Absolutely, yeah. Then we really can look at it in the way that we would look at another addiction. But physically I'm sure there's that harm too of any overstimulation of anything. That's a really good point. And there's so much less research in the area of women's sexuality than men's. Right. No shocker there. Yeah. But what we do know is that actually erectile dysfunction can be caused in men who are excessively masturbating. Right, right. But can women over masturbate? You know, that's a great question. Because we can multi-orgasmic, right? Oh, over and over and over. I really want to, from a scientific point of view, refrain from answering that because I just haven't seen any good research about that. So what I can say to you is in 20 years of practice, I have yet to have a woman in my office whose life is being detrimentally affected by over masturbation. That's really all I can say. Okay. So it's more the psychological aspect of it. Yeah, and it's really men that I've treated for addiction to masturbation, not women. Yeah. Zery, did you say you had a question? I do have a question. Yeah, please, please. You know, we're talking about the fact that women, you know, haven't come forward and said that they've had a problem with masturbation. But what about all the women who are having a problem with using sex toys and becoming desensitized? You know, how would we navigate that problem? Okay, so being desensitized from sex toys that women use specifically, how does that kind of come into play? Yeah, there's more conversation around the table now about that. And I have seen in a lot of instances, men feel at times, some men, I should say, feel somewhat intimidated or insecure being with the woman who enjoys and uses sex toys. This really isn't an uncommon thing for me to see. So as far as women's ability to stimulate becoming nil because of the use of sex toys, honestly, I don't see a lot of that. Ideally, if you have a partner, it would be wonderful to bring in the sex toys into the sexual relationship so that you can just normalize it. And hopefully, if you have a partner, you're not solely relying on the use of sex toys because you're in relation with another human who also has needs. Which is kind of a more important aspect of life, you think. Right, so I think that with everything, we sort of, as human beings, are called upon to regulate ourselves. I certainly don't want to just ignore my partner's wants, needs, desires. But it's not as interesting as that new technology out there that can do all these multi-functions with a press of a button and a battery. Choices, right? Right. Zary had a good point. I mean, because sex toys, there is that whole variety, like you said. There's such a range of exciting choices. But at the same time, what does that do to your desires? Does that put it up a notch? And does that, do you rely more on the luxury of those props? And then you can't take it down the level to the whole natural way of pleasuring. I think that is going to really have to be looked at, though, in context of an individual's, the health of their relationship. So if I'm single, I'm going to be using my toys all I want, when I want and not think a thing about it. When I am in a partnership, I'm still going to use my sex toys. But I think for me, part of that healthy relationship means that I am aware enough to want my partner also to have a good sexual experience. I want to have a good sexual experience. So for me, nothing really takes the place of a live human being. Yeah, no, of course not. For some people it can, and then I think it works. For guys can, they can do that inflatable doll thing, right? They can do many things. They can do many things. They can do many things. Bag over their head. They can do many things. But it still does not equate to intimacy. Right, right. And we are women, and we need intimacy. How do men? Men do too. And so it goes back down to that conversation that men and women, and men and men, and women and women should have over the intimacies in what you need and what you would like for your partner, right? That's right. What's the takeaway for today? The takeaway for today, I'd say, is women don't be afraid to educate yourselves about self-pleasure. It will be an empowering tool, not something that will minimize you. We have to reduce the shame and stigma around self-pleasure. And if you're in a relationship, it will only really truly be an additive to that relationship. Pleasurable empowerment. There we got that from Dr. Claire Roundtree. And you know what? Take it in yourself. You know your body better than anyone else. So don't listen to all that crazy stuff out there. Thank you so much, Dr. Roundtree. My pleasure. And no pun intended. Have a great day.