 Asalaamu alaikum and welcome to Making a House a Home with myself, Sana Araji and our guest, Fahima Mohamed, a qualified life coach and an NLP practitioner. Asalaamu alaikum Fahima. Now today we're going to be discussing Mud'a and I know it's a bit of a taboo subject but we're just going to discuss a bit of a bit about the issue sometimes that arises with Mud'a. And maybe from a female perspective, how people see it and to divulge into it a bit. Could you start by discussing Mud'a? Well firstly we talk about Mud'a and its translation is temporary marriage. And yes it is a very controversial topic and a lot of the times it's not discussed the way it should be discussed because people find it difficult to digest its meaning and what it represents and how people practice it. So it's important for us to understand that the religion of Islam caters for every aspect of life. And this topic may not have been addressed in the past as much but it is opening up a lot more and for many reasons because now we're becoming more self-expressive and we are educating our children and ourselves with everything in life. And these are one of the areas that is quite important when people are mixing and we're living in today's day and age and societies and countries that are modern, western, whatever it may be. And our religion is quite modern, it's actually current and it's fast moving and people need to keep up to that actually and it's not about culture, our religion is current. So in chapter 4 verse 24 of the Quran in Surah Al-Nisa it is not just about women discussing marriages within Islam. It's basically many issues about who you are allowed to marry and if widows were left alone and divorced and the time set for them and things like even the dowry and basically all these circumstances, that inheritance and basically who you're allowed to marry and in that particular verse 24 it tells us that men can marry and Mut'a is very clear. In a sense that the Quran says as for those who give you pleasure for a certain time then give them their dowry as allocated. And the old word used for Mut'a is different. We say Mut'a now but the word was used is Timta. So basically when people say it's not permissible, it doesn't validate even in this day and age, it's not necessarily correct because it's clearly stated it is permissible. And the only time that it was forbidden was from the second Khalifa, Umar ibn Khattab and it wasn't our prophet peace be upon him and his family that actually eradicated this rule. So as the Shi'a we still continue with the belief and the understanding that Mut'a is even up till this day and age allowed. Thing is though there is disagreement as to how people use it and argue many times that it's actually it actually creates more issues. And to be fair to a certain extent it can be I come with I have been approached by a lot of people complaining about Mut'a has destroyed my life and or my marriage or whatever it may be. But remember there are very very strict rules and regulations to this act and if one was to perform it with good intention with good awareness of what it is that it entails then there isn't really an issue and it's not just from the male's perspective it's also from the women's perspective. The reason why I chose this topic is because it's not just the responsibility of the man I want women to also understand that when you're entering this and a man promises you that they're going to come to you with the temporary marriage and you're happy to do that it is temporary but a lot of the time there is a misconception that women feel that it actually is going to lead to something longer and when it doesn't then the whole idea of it is wrong. It's very common actually. It's very common and you've got to admit that and it's no one's fault that if it's set for a period of time if it doesn't work out it doesn't work and if you want to end you've got to end and you know be aware and if you think that that man or that you know has promised you that it is going to you know be permanent then bring someone involved to say you know okay maybe not discuss what the issues are particularly as to your act with Muta because people even just do it just to go out it doesn't have to be to the any extent physically that most people assume that it is it's basically halal so men and a man a man and a woman can actually you know meet together sit together talk together without having you know someone like a Maharon with them yeah so it could just only be for that but if you prefer if you want to do more whatever is that's your own discretion so if that man is promising you permanent marriage and you just go there blindly without even telling somebody that's going to actually hold him accountable because that's also going to test his intention so don't you know just be blindsided you put yourself in it exactly exactly and I'm not trying to blame even that because obviously someone's words should be you know they have to hold integrity and they they're a follower of the home salam you would expect them to have the clock and the mannerism of but in life even in a permanent marriage when there is permanent marriage and there's intention from both parties to be lifelong partners and stick by each other no matter what those things end up in separation and divorce okay yeah so let's just be real that things do not work out sometimes over time for whatever reason I'm not saying that you know these reasons shouldn't be accounted but I'm just saying you need to be aware nothing is really forever to be honest and we can disregard even marriage as an institution you know because you know these things now are more and more ending up in divorce but we're not doing that and from what I you know it is a period that he's been set for both of you for people that are if they are young and they still have a guardianship then yes the adults who's taking care of them need to be informed yeah they have to have permission consent but a lot of the girls nowadays unfortunately they're not doing it and following the right rules so they're getting themselves in these situations and they take it on a big responsibility of entering into something like this without understanding awareness and then it becomes an issue of that instead of you being knowledgeable about it and being smarter about making these decisions so that you can take on the responsibility whichever way it ends up and you have to know it's gonna come or if it doesn't come you are prepared for it don't just think that these things are you know you like someone it's halal and oh no they've you know disregarded my feelings now you promise me something it's not working out you left me and you know the whole idea of this is is horrible and at the same time there are men who will also use this to say well this is a good way of me experimenting and doing what I need to do like in the English or the Western world of you know dating and just seeing who I want to be with so that I can continuously you know live my life freely using Muta again that is not necessarily the right way to move forward they may have several you know interactions in that way because things haven't worked out that is normal so you can't just judge it too without knowing the reasons I don't ever see things on the surface someone comes to me with a complaint you got to go deeper you got to know okay they've been in many of these temporary marriages but what is the reason behind it maybe they generally didn't find the right spouse maybe they generally didn't find themselves in a position where they could settle with one temporarily for a long period of time it could be for many reasons so don't judge even and put a man down because that also you know is bad for their reputation to get married in the future because these women are not getting what they want and then they're talking bad about them in that way and at the same time women are being you know put in a vulnerable position because they're having bad experiences about it because they're not aware of the the situation that it might you know end and it will not end in permanent marriage these things need to be clear and there's a set dowry and if you are a woman who is maybe a little bit older who is looking after themselves a lot of the times when they are widow or divorced and there are cases where women there are much older and you know they find attractiveness with someone who's a lot younger and these things do and can work and there are cases where they've lasted for years with that person in Mata'a because they don't want it to involve their children or the rest of their family and it's just an easier way for them to live in a halal environment it's reducing the sin it's reducing the sin Allah makes it easy for us and they can live life because we cannot disregard that you know we are humans we we have desires and needs and we want to you know live in a way that is fulfilling ourselves with you know the permission that is you know brought upon us you know doing it in a lawful way and when you bring it down in a simple terms like that and yes you know people you know will have many relationships people have relationships you know widely and would love to be in a long-term permanent relationship but nowadays even society and even the parents are delaying their children to get married because it's not what they expect their child to choose so what do these you know young adults do as well over years where they you know from like I know the 25 even now 30 year old men and women are not getting married as being used in many beneficial ways one example is for example when two people want to get married and with the permission of of both parents they have a period where they can go out to get to know one another like a yes before they get engagement yeah or even before that yes what is so common what I'm seeing so common is people are getting engaged and within a month or two you're hearing that that's it the engagements off and it's an actual wedding that they've actually placed upon themselves as well and that's actual divorce and they're getting a proper divorce through the arcade because that's when they perform the actual marriage or Nica yeah and that is actually more detrimental to them so they become a divorcee they become exactly a labeling in that sense and also divorce is must most hated lawful act in Islam yes okay so it prevents that too so obviously it's safeguarding that but yes people can use and take advantage but that could be seen and done for anything very true we can't we can't kind of focus on the few and ruin it for the many no one to make it no one has to have a muta it's no it's by choice if it's convenient for you in your second life style it is not promoted in fact it is not something that is even recommended exactly yes but it's there it's there those who need it and will benefit if they follow it in the right way yes so I think people need to be clear that it's not there as a halal boyfriend girlfriend as people say yes and from other schools of thought who will attack us because of it but them themselves have their own form of temporary marriage which no one called differently it's just called a different name yes so we just need to be clear that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala makes it easy for us he doesn't wish hardship upon us yes and so the youth have such a difficult time and we're not promoting much I hear we're just discussing about you know absolutely and cons for some people yes and the challenges face if you are entering exactly so just be very very cautious and aware of what you're getting yourself into and at the end don't complain if you weren't too sure about the situation be hundred percent sure you have to be more more sure and more you know aware in what are then you would even in a permanent marriage because you know a lot of risk is in what are especially for the women with pregnancy and you know you having that yes the man is responsible but if that permanent marriage was only permanent and there wasn't anything in the future then you are left by yourself even with the responsibility they had that he has to take and the stigma attached around it that you are you know obviously someone who was not married because people not everyone recognizes this and you you know had that so these are the risks involved and of course in modern day yes we have whatever you know we have to protect ourselves but even think things do happen so you need to think a hundred times before you actually enter into something like this to be ready for it and to take the adverse effects of it because there are many there are many and I think it only suits the very very few and for married men it is allowed according to certain mirage but also some say you have to seek the permission of your wife but even in what are all in permanent marriage there is the agreement between the two where you can say well I don't want you to do and that could be agreed by the say it when you're entering what are between the two of you or between the say it when it's in permanent marriage even a discussion between spouses like if you if you as a wife or husband well as a wife are concerned that your husband wants to have a temporary marriage I'm sure that in the day and age if you have a good relationship if you were to express actually you know what I'm not too comfortable some men I'm not saying all I'm so sure some men will be like you know what I need to respect my wife she's not comfortable with that and maybe I will just listen to her this time sometimes that can happen but it's it's interesting you said that because actually you know a lot of the scholars do say if if mutah for a married man is going to affect and destroy your first marriage then you most definitely do not do it even if you met if you don't you know actually speak about it to your wife but you in that relationship you know how they feel you know these things are you know always discussed to a certain extent and you know how your wife feels and you know what they you know the slide comments maybe that will indicate that if you haven't had that actual deep conversation and if that was to actually you know damage your first marriage then it is wrong for you because your permanent marriage is the most important and that is your holding your stability half your religion and it's and there's reasons like if your wife cannot perform in a particular way if she's ill if you are away for a long long period of time and continuous and you know there's no way of it you know ever affecting your actual you know permanent marriage then which is also another risk we're saying this because we this is the rules it's not my rules this is the rules from the Quran but at the same time you know you as humans and in this day and age knowing how things can be spread knowing how people are so open and who you're gonna enter that with you know has to be of trustworthiness because it's discretionary most of the time it's no one knows about it it's only between the two people that are in that relationship and also when you're choosing someone to do what I would a lot of time when you are saying as well earlier that it's easy because men will think or women will think that you know it's an it's a way of dating but the women you choose still have to be women of faith not someone that you know is easily you know available for this sort of thing and how would you even gather that but if you're gonna enter the Mata if they don't question you about it if they're not interested in you actually performing the Mata then that is an indication is that woman is not necessarily off you know that sort of stature yeah for you to enter into that sort of relationship so you know these things has to be considered and you know your body your soul is is pure in most instances so whatever you decide to perform in order to continue with that in a halal way and who you're choosing is a vital essence it does you know affect our life like the foods we eat like the friends we choose and the actions we take so do not take it lightly it's not it's not a joke it's definitely not a joke those people who have suffered with negative you know instances with using the what I mean I would say leave it with Allah Allah can see all things Allah is the judge and if someone goes into something with the wrong intention Allah will judge them and Allah will have them accountable you just do what is right and in a God-fearing way and leave everything else to Allah because we are all going to be in our own grave we're gonna be judge alone alone our body parts will be speaking and saying exactly you know this is what you did this is what you did and so leave it like that if they want to be bad leave it yes just distance yourself don't allow it to affect your mental and you know wisdom wisdom about the whole idea of this exactly like I said yeah Islam addresses everything and has answers for everything and this is one of the answers to a lot of issues that you know young single or older you know single men and women are faced with yeah you know we are not from a different sect or background or you know religion that even takes away that element that we're not allowed to be in that sort of way you know we have our natural desires Allah has given us that and we can do it with strict rules and regulations and this is part of it so educate yourself and be aware don't just think oh you know this is like you know a new solution to modern-day you know being with somebody openly and have also high expectations and also you know judge people if they are entering it more than once because their own relationship is their own even if you see them in that particular way relationships are difficult I coach relationships for relationships and it's very complicated so you know people don't get along because they don't know what they're looking for they don't understand the meaning of it and not to say that's an excuse for them to keep going and jumping from one relationship to the other but at the same time people break up a lot so don't put yourself in a situation of what are we you also gonna deny yourself of meeting and finding that one right person yeah this can actually you know delay real marriage and also you will you know lose that essence of being with that one person and enjoying and building something which is special so there's a lot to consider there's a lot to consider this is not here again like you said to promote it or to not to say it's really bad it has its place that's it it has its place and you as an individual need to know if you are thinking about it does it actually you know validate you doing it it might be a right but not every right needs to be acted upon is it needed is it necessary just think we need to hold back as well yeah just have more constraint we need to have more patience because it's very easy to take on these things and say was my right and yeah it's halal and whatever and that attitude alone will get you into trouble exactly and you might be faced with something you're not prepared for that's the other thing because it is a very serious it's marriage temporary or not it is marriage it is commitment it is responsibility it's a promise thank you very much and again fantastic discussion that we've just had about this kind of very controversial subject and but inshallah hopefully we didn't touch on anything too touchy for our viewers and but like you said we just want to make a raise awareness and so everyone is understanding the difficulties and challenges some people do have and also the benefits that we can also have from such thing and unfortunately we do need to go on a break but we will come back answering some of the viewers questions and inshallah we'll see you soon as salamu alaykum as salam alaykum and welcome back to the second part of making a house a home where we've been discussing and what a temporary marriage and we're gonna take some questions from our viewers about this topic and if for him if you could answer for us sure thank you so the first viewer is Mohammed and his question is can you explain when is what are required and when should it be avoided we did touch up on this yes we did it's never really a requirement I would say because each individual should really you know wait for that permanent marriage but like I said there are circumstances which differ between individuals where they cannot consider you know basically wait for years because marriage is not coming to them or they've actually been divorced and it's hard to get married again and they don't want to you know have their kids just lives disrupted with somebody else there or their families and relatives do not approve of them getting married you know there's very many circumstances like that that they don't want especially the daughters to remarry it's okay for the man to be married again and start fresh but the woman should be you know looking out for their children and stay at home and you know just their whole life is like that and not to remarry or divorce you know I'm sorry widows so it's not necessarily when it is right because I would not promote this at all but if you feel you have the need for that and you really seriously want to go for that particular way of being then I would suggest you follow what the rules entail and you got to be a responsible adult to be able to take that upon your head knowing that even if you know there's dowry and you're careful and whatever it is what are the worst case scenarios and put yourself in that situation that you can actually handle it so I think when it's not necessary is also the other issue it's you can't say because it's something that's permissible and you got to weigh out each circumstances individually parents nowadays even you know advice their young children especially boys that they can actually you know enter what are then actually having to sin yeah because the mixing and mingling is so common and widespread that it that's actually acceptable more than them having to actually have a meaningful you know responsible relationship if that was to happen and I don't mean just like you know hanging out with each other I mean you know people are actually having relationships openly and no one's no one's actually discussing that and they think it's okay because and you know it's because you know and what's on the other hand is something that all people are just hate because it's being misused and abused or whatever people come up with as excuses but it's halal at least yeah it's better than your child going out there and mingling with other people and doing and committing sin yes it's ultimately like we said it's reducing sin it's making sure your child does not sin or that the person who wants to do it doesn't sin yeah so really if they are trying to go through the steps and they feel like they're going to sin it's actually a good thing to think of because they're considering Allah they're trying to find a way that they're able to manage themselves and make it halal and it's not even easy as people think to even enter into Mu'tah because you know you want to have that trust with somebody you want it to never be spoken about you want it to also be where you know it will end in a way where it's not gonna you know affect you and if you're having those relationships it can actually have an impact on your permanent relationship so you know if you put yourself in any situation especially something like this you got to really think about it deeply and outweigh the situation because a lot of young people generally they want permanent marriages and they think doing this will lead to it but not both parties think that way so you have to be aware of the other person's intentions too fully not just from their words but their actions we need to be very smart about entering into anything let alone something like this and actually to avoid it is actually a lot better exactly I mean what I would probably something that comes to mind for me is go and speak to your local Hussaini El center the lecturer that that they're someone that you listen to go and have a conversation with them maybe someplace some centers do Muslim not dating but they have certain meetings where you can meet other people and actually have a permanent marriage see if that's a better approach for you try harder for the permanent basically a lot of people are giving up just because it doesn't work or it's taking long or they feel it's too difficult and this again I said before is more like a distraction to delay the actual permanent marriage you know so have patience and you know and do seek much more attention to getting the permanent marriage and do it in that way is going to actually help you not even have this issue to address in the first place because there's so many avenues if you think that you've tried one way and it hasn't worked people give up but there's ten other ways that you can look at so try those ten other ways first for a permanent marriage then even having to consider the month exactly thank you so much for that that's a great way to explain that and our next viewer is Sara and the question is a lot of my friends hate the idea of as it is used as an easy option for young men to have many relationships however and whenever they want and actually hurt a lot of girls in the process so how can this act be permissible and shouldn't it be avoided so yes this is also a very common question that I've heard from a lot of I get a lot of complaints as well from young girls and women because they feel that they've been used or you know misinterpreting you know what their intentions were and they've come with you know intentions of what are for actual boys have been saying that it's gonna be permanent and it doesn't end up like that but you have to be knowing that if they want permanent they'll come for permanent if they want what are they want what are at is temporary simple as that even if they say something different so you are entering into temporary and it is temporary and that's just the way it is or question them and say well why don't we just do permanent now that's what I mean that's exactly what I mean yeah so you know you have to be you know much more aware and smart about what you're doing in life and your choices are important even if you feel the need for something really a lot by you being smarter you will protect yourself and you need to protect yourself but then at the other hand don't just have this perception of you know you hear a few stories and that's it that's everyone because we can do that for everything as well to say that you know we've heard a few stories and you know that sort of you know group of people are bad for doing certain things because that's what it is there's always the minority that gives a bad name just like even in our religion doesn't mean that we actually represent that doesn't mean what I actually represents that and like I said before you know those situations are spoken about badly when it ends badly but doesn't mean there wasn't a wonderful relationship to begin with and start off with and you know things just didn't work out so don't just be so blinded to just you know label somebody or the actual you know act of muta being so horrible because you hear maybe 10 cases but actually there are cases that are I know of personally that it really works it's really healthy and that's the only option they actually have we all happy yeah and we all would ideally love to be in a permanent long-term marriage because like I said permanent doesn't even mean long-term anymore nowadays okay exactly and you know it doesn't even last even through the honeymoon period most cases so there's a lot of young getting divorced you know after six months after even you know less than that literally two months after the car exactly and divorce so yeah so I would not scrutinize anything unless you yourself know that situation inside out and even if the girls crying even if she's really hurt that's for any relationship that's gonna happen doesn't mean that much as bad we don't know the real story behind it but it is temporary and it is gonna come to an end so take that into consideration and however it ends it's going to end don't enter it if you don't want it to end don't go into it and don't you know talk bad about something that you hear a few bad people or people that you're not sure even if they're bad or not that have so-called miss misused it doesn't work like that okay that that's really great for him and Shala that helps the viewer with that query and the next of you we have is unknown and the question is what safety measures and precautions that should be considered if one decides to perform would you have kind of mentioned this about a little bit there's the the mental the physical the the knowledge awareness it's so much it's so much it's and don't just think that just because you know the rules and that's what entails because in today's society there's a lot more that needs to be added upon those rules you know you got to consider the other person's feelings you got to consider the other person's intentions you got to consider even the physical you know aspect of it you know the medical whatever it may be that mental state of that person the impact of entering into something like this because attachment is going to be involved as much as you want it to be you know whether it's from one or the other men are more logical thinkers yes and they might have less emotion but regardless you're entering something which is actually quite special it is it can be physical it doesn't have to be but most of the time you know just knowing that you would spending so much time with that person there is a growing concern that if it's going to come to an end how are you going to deal with that and would you put yourself in that situation and if you do not very many humans can actually get themselves out of it healthily that's with anything that's normal let alone something like this so again you're putting yourself into a lot of risk to take into and the precautions I always say prevention is better than cure you know so the same time is but if you are going to enter it there's a lot you are taking on someone else someone else as your responsibility man or women you know for that mental and emotional attachment affection you know feeling or whatever it may be even if you hardly meet it was only one particular thing or whatever it may be it it's still something very very you know you know it's very attachment I would say is dangerous with something like what's our because you feel that also it's going to end and you might give more or you might give too little there's so many things so many things and who you entering into with because a lot of the times when you entering into a permanent marriage you do more research you know the person's family you know the background you have and you might not do all that necessary research when you entering into the mother so you don't know what you're getting into with that family's meet they get to know each other as well whatever it may be but you're not doing all of that research on that person you don't know them that well even and if you do that could also be adverse effects of that you know because you do know them that well so I just think that a lot of the times when you entering into something like this I think again try for permanent try as much as you can from permanent marriage and you know bring yourself into having the intentions and you know do the prayer and there's certain sura and eyes and you know things that you can read to do to get you that permanent marriage because that's your safety net that's you know protection that's long-term you know in essence and that's what's gonna actually build you to the next-stage and level that you really desire again temporary is because it is to fill in a space whereas you want to you know you want to fill the whole room exactly and I think if you have a different way of looking at it you might actually think twice into entering it thank you for him for that and shall all that really helps the viewer with the concerns they've raised the next view we have is Hussein and his question is as a man this is my right so how can I express this to my wife where she is willing to accept me having a temporary wife and be okay with it this is a bit of a sensitive question well firstly like we said before even if it's your right it doesn't necessarily mean that you need to go and you know perform that right and again you know anything that's gonna damage your first marriage you need to consider that first because that's the most important thing is your actual your priority absolutely and you know it's something temporary it's something that yes people have the desire they want to taste the candy that's different in the store but at the same time you know the main you know responsibility and commitment is your wife and if you want her to agree you cannot have you can have an influence to have her agree if whatever your reasons may be which are genuine but if she doesn't agree she doesn't agree and you have to accept that you know again don't look at what's as my right and I have to do this if there's genuine reasons for you wanting to do that while you're married then that needs to be expressed properly and sometimes sitting in front of someone who's of authority if it's when it's you know con you know it's contradiction with the result and seeking you know a knowledgeable person's advice you know because in case the situation is very you know something where he cannot control and you know the wife is not giving him what he desires or needs that he feels he has to then you know she needs to be made understood about that if that has to be done but at the same time when there's real love and affection and feeding for somebody you know would you really want to upset them and hurt them just for your right which you know is not even really necessary exactly and you have to think I know that the laws are different for women and men yes but a lot of women that I know probably including myself my mind would think well that's kind of selfish of a man to have that to have that unless it's there is an actual need like the reason or the reason for it but if it's just for the fact that you said because I would like to try something you can I don't think me personally and I know a lot of women else I don't think we would find that a okay kind of yeah you need to know how to approach these things and obviously there's something deeper into that relationship which I would like to get into to say well you know if there's something missing in that way then we can actually work at it where you can get what you need from your current wife you know if it is you know okay on the actual marriage and build on it yes over time people change and the desires and whatever they need do change but you know people change and they can grow together differently and have a different love and have a different relationship you know mentally physically whichever way it can be and foundation is your real marriage work and build on that and if you're gonna create rocks and you know cracks into it then nothing else even afterwards temporary is actually gonna work for you it might make the the woman feel like she's not that great she isn't that beautiful she's not special it might make her emotional mentality I don't know it might make her feel a bit vulnerable or a bit scared or like that he might she might lose him as well yes because you are again entering into something which is quite you know attachment emotional you know physical and you know having to share the time even with somebody else you know it takes away time from you know your own marriage exactly there's a lot of things to consider don't just think that I have to do something and it's halal and it's allowed that I should do it you always need to consider somebody else they're dependent on you you know you are responsible for your spouse and not just you know financially and taking care their mental state is also very vital and you both need to come to some sort of agreement or compromise or some sort of understanding and if it doesn't even come to where you both agree give it more time look at other options where you still can be together fulfilling each other in every way that that's needed where you don't need anything outside it your home is what you need to build strong first anything outside that comes in it will cause a little bit of destruction you know jealousy it's just human nature not everyone can handle this and put up with it normally let alone when you're with someone that you love and you know a permanent marriage is you only for them and them only for you that Institute is special and what you give to each other you know people want that because it is only between the two of you and you're taking that away so understand it even from that point of view because a lot of the time maybe men might not see it like that because for them it's maybe just physical or it may be just something that is of convenience but the impact on that for somebody else or even themselves if they don't recognize it it can actually need to something a lot more toxic exactly and and there are many things that you have the right to you have marry more than one wife but it doesn't mean that you need to or that you have to you can cope you can't necessarily it's not just because it's permissible for you to do so it do so it doesn't mean that you need to do it it's there if you need it if you require it but it's not wage upon you to do it absolutely not so I think people need to understand that that if they can't get to groups with the Islamic factor of it then I would always come back that's why the whole show is to bring the modern-day psychology with Islam because we are living in this day and age and even you know psychologically and mentally and you know whichever way you're looking at it it's not necessarily normal and healthy to be in those sort of relationships it's very rare that it works I'm not saying it doesn't work but it's very rare that it works so you taking a massive amount of risk when you're married to enter into something like that to not have it some sort of crack and damage to your actual original marriage whether they know it or not so you need to be very very careful and for people that are single and they want to do it again you know try more for the permanent marriage try and work harder do whatever you need to take and with that work and you know effort you will get what you really desire because that is what the real desire really is to be honest yeah and you know inshallah you know I hope that you know this message is there to just bring awareness not to say it's is or it shouldn't be or you know it's good or bad it is there it is halal there are certain you know times where it can be of use and there are examples of both but don't be so you know small minded about it or narrow minded or even tunnel vision about it because if for each individual it does and it can serve a purpose and for others it will cause damage so take that into consideration inshallah thank you so much for that and unfortunately we are going to come to an end of the show and I know it has been quite a sensitive topic inshallah we haven't offended any of our viewers but it is a reality this is what is going on on a day-to-day basis and we just want to highlight for the viewers so that they are aware of what's going on what the concerns are and inshallah hopefully you know voice your opinion if you're concerned about an issue speak up about it mention it don't conceal it because this is life we need it to be out there we need people to be aware of what is permissible what isn't permissible when it's needed when it's not needed so inshallah hopefully the discussion has benefited the viewers and unfortunately we're going to come to an end but inshallah we'll see you again for another episode of making a house a home Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh