 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm I'm so excited to be for doing this live stream with you today our topic the three reasons why men lose interest But three reasons why men lose interest, and it's not you. Let me repeat that. It is not you Already really quickly before we get started if you're new to my content or if you're new to my channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content And if at any point during this video you like it please you like something I say, please hit that like button So more people get notified of this because the more likes the more times YouTube shares this All right, we're gonna jump into this topic the three reasons why men lose interest So really quickly because this is a live stream. I want you know I do the content first and I leave plenty of time for the Q&A I leave plenty of time for the Q&A so in the live chat You can ask questions, but let me go through this first so all right Let's talk about those three reasons why men lose interest ladies It's interesting. I was watching a video from a contemporary And I don't want to say the person's name and the video was centered around men are simple and women don't Get this men are simple and women don't get this and I was thinking to myself That's really kind of horse crap Because men aren't simple men are rather complicated. In fact, they're ridiculously complicated They might think they're single simple, you know, men when they're giving advice to women about men They try to make it out that men are just so simple. They're just so easy to understand It's just so simple just feed them have sex with them and that's all they really need right And that that might be true for some men, but we're going to do a deeper dive into Understanding male behavior. We're going to do a deeper dive in understanding why a man might come on strong and be so Totally into you and then out of the blue lose interest and then you might be thinking to yourself What did I do wrong? What could be what what can I do to get them back? What can I do to get them back and I know so many of you do this And I want to encourage you to begin Rewriting your story of trying to get someone back who doesn't want to be with you now when you Understand why this happens you can actually predict human behavior When you understand human behavior you can understand how to predict behavior and when you can predict behavior You can make better choices. Let me repeat that when you can predict behavior You can make better choices. Doesn't that deserve a thumbs up? I mean come on. That's it seems so I Say this because so often many of you are making your choices Based on an attachment to a man and not because he's a good candidate to be in relationship with them I'm repeat that a lot of times you're attached to a guy not because he's a good candidate for relationship It's because you're you're addicted to him for some reason but first off before you ever get there We're gonna talk about what you might want to consider before you give your heart to a man Because you don't want to find yourself in this situation Where you've given your heart to someone you really attached to them only to find that they're gonna leave you at some point So I'm gonna give you three reasons why that might happen now the first is Rather obvious and yet so few women pay attention to this. Let me repeat that the first one is obvious And yet so few women pay attention to this and the first one happens to be if a man has Chaos in his life chaos chaos chaos chaos now. What does chaos look like? He's in the middle of a divorce He's in the middle of a contentious divorce he is divorced and has a Salacious ex-spouse by the way this goes both ways men and women alike. Okay, so the salacious I mean it just a nasty ex-spouse, okay there is just a lot of drama and a lot of trauma Associated in his life and there's a tremendous amount of chaos because of a past relationship That doesn't seem to go away Now I understand if you're in your 20s and 30s you might not be Involved with someone who's divorced but since my demographic tends to be what I call midlife Which is after maybe after baby making years and before retirement roughly 75% of singles who are out there actively dating our divorce So you you're this is most likely going to happen if you're in that age demographic now one thing We can talk about if they're not married to a pre not previously married They might have been deeply in love with someone and because of that They might still be hung up on someone and that's causing chaos in their life, and we're going to talk about that a Little bit deeper in a moment, but one of their types of chaos can be going on in a guy's life job loss Or struggles at work or feeling underpaid or undervalued at work might be one reason Another reason might be health issues. It might be family issues with You know his direct family not his spouse or children at that or maybe his children There's some drama or trauma or chaos going on in his life, and again. This is true of women as well So when someone's life is chaotic The ground underneath them doesn't feel very solid when the ground underneath the person doesn't feel very solid It's difficult to fully commit to another person So what happens here is memory said before how men come on strong and they chase You know they chase chase you But there's this belief that the chase is really he wants a fully committed relationship with you and that chase is not that That chase is typically driven from biology Hey, look when we men are horny We'll do or say it almost about anything to get laid Okay, and so and but we might do it in a very Charming kind of way. So this is where it can kind of be a little bit You know fuzzy for some of you because it might seem so sincere This is why I'm such a big proponent of asking really good questions Before you ever give your heart or you ask some really good questions before you ever really get intimate with a man One of the things I do in my private coaching when I work with a client is I teach them how to vet for emotional maturity I repeat that I teach clients how to vet for emotional maturity And if you'd like some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call with me It's in the description so you can learn more about that So when a man's life is in chaos again We we come on because we're driven by Biology biologically for sex, but really what we're mostly desiring men and women alike are desiring Connection we're desiring companionship. We're desiring that sex But that doesn't mean we're capable of fully going into commitment. So if one's life is in chaos It makes it difficult to actually invest in another human being and when someone's life is in so much chaos That they feel it will impinge upon the relationship. They'll pull away and lose interest This is why I said it's not you. It could be him Okay, the second reason and I'm gonna piggyback on something I said before but the second reason why a man might lose interest Is he fears getting too close to someone? He fears getting too close to someone if a man has been burned Maybe in his marriage a past relationship. Maybe he's been burned one or two or three times It makes it difficult for them to want to get close to someone So here's the rub and by the way ladies experience this too We have this biological need to connect We have this human desire to want companionship and we have this physical desire to want to be intimate sexually intimate with someone So we have these forces going on but from an emotional that's a biological thing From an emotional level It might be very difficult for someone to be genuinely intimate with another person to be vulnerable to be authentic to be Transparent so what happens is the minute we get a little too close to the emotional side We might run away for fear of getting too close I'm gonna repeat that we might run away. So this is why you want to ask questions about their past relationship I am so tired of this bullshit rhetoric that you're not supposed to interview a guy on a date you are Absolutely supposed to be interviewing him you're interviewing him for the job of your potential life partner Now when I say interview I don't mean Interrogation what I mean is a Conversation not a confrontation interviewing should be very Conversational however, you should absolutely be interviewing someone Let's forget this crap that you're not supposed to but Jonathan. We're just supposed to have fun when we're dating It's just about having fun. Are you having a good time? It's all about fun being the moment just have fun Well, let me tell you what happens when you have too much fun and then the relationship doesn't work out And then you have too much fun again and the relationship doesn't work out You have too much fun again and the relationship doesn't work out and what happens is dating can trigger the number one Emotional health issue most every one of us are facing on a core level. We fear I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable and Repeated dating and going out with people and having it end over and over and over again And sometimes it could just be a one date. It could be three dates. You could add ten dates You could have a short-lived relationship when we've had enough of this it absolutely wears on our self Confidence our self-worth and our self-esteem. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? Have you gotten this book? You have to check it out It's a dive into personal development self-help and spiritual work having a daily basis of loving on yourself Because when we've had too many bad experiences or endings what might feel like failures We might be less likely to lean into a new relationship, especially with someone who might be great for us I can't tell you how many times a Man might ignore a great woman. I might lose interest because he's afraid of getting close This is why I teach you techniques to ask the right questions. And yes, you should be Interviewing each other. It's a job interview. I don't care if anyone says otherwise I know everybody focuses on just being in your fun just being in your fun But let me just tell you what fun can lead to fun can lead to a lot of hurt. This is why be intentional Be intentional be purposeful about your dating And I want to lean into the third reason and this is a very uncomfortable one because as a man I've experienced this But I want to piggyback on the chaos piece and I said something to the effect of health issues now health issues might be Physical health issues high blood pressure over way Maybe even some drinking problems or drug problems. I know I had that back in the day when my life was in chaos But a man might be experiencing something different and this has to do in the area of performance performance and a man might Look at we biologically want sex. Okay, and we're certainly Stimulated when it's new sex what happens is for men that have performance issues They might have the drive for sex But what happens is shortly after they've had the for lack of better word the conquest around sex their performance issues might start to truly rear its ugly head and If he has a psychological issue that's blocking his sexual performance He might start to crawl inside of himself and withdraw and pull away Not because of you but because of himself And this is a very tricky one to look, you know, this is a hard one to spot This is a bit now the reality is is most men over 40 5 or 50 are on the blue pill or the white pill if you're taking the generic version And I know this because I'm in that space. Okay, I'm just gonna own it And I'm if I feel a little bit of a shame about it. My testosterone levels have dropped a little bit That's another thing that happens to a lot of men. So what happens in this particular case? Shame might cause a man to either pull away or You know lose interest or ignore you because he's dealing with a lot of inner work stuff That's going on and this is the reality of human beings This is why when I was listening to that guy that coach telling women that men are just so simple and all we just want is food And sex and that's all you really need to do. Well, that's such a crock of shit because human beings are riddled with complications. Oh my god This is why I'm a big proponent of being compassionate both for others and for ourselves and when we start from a place of compassion and As I said before when you understand human behavior, you can begin to predict What's gonna happen and when you can predict things you can make better choices And that's what this video is all about to help you make a few better choices by Understanding male behavior and let me just say this Everything I shared is true for women as well. It's just a different version of it But it's just the other side of the coin of the same thing Is this resonating with you if it is please hit that like button so more people can get to see this if they're I've said something That's really just nailed it for you. Please hit that like button. I truly appreciate it All right, I'm about to take answer questions now So I'm gonna scroll there for a second but before we do we're gonna do another 90s trivia like we did on our last live stream Really quickly. I want to share with you. It's Sunday. I'm doing this live stream Partially, I'll be candid. I'm feeling very lonely Lonely is not the right word. I'm feeling rather bored. Okay You know, I live by myself. I live in a great place down by the ocean I just had lunch with my son down by the beach and we took a walk on the beach So I'm a I have a very blessed life But the reality is is because of COVID and because of all the fear around it a lot of my social friends Aren't getting together like we used to in the same way and I'm just jonesing for connection I'm just jonesing for connection. This is why doing this for me is a treat. I get to share from my heart There's another thing that happened to You know, I'll save this for a little bit later because it relates to Connor And I'll share something that did come up But let's do this trivia question first and then I'm gonna look and answer questions So we're gonna put our glasses on and our first one. This is 90s trivia. Our first one says According to right said Fred's 1991 chart topper. What did Fred boast? He was too sexy for I'm gonna repeat that According to the right said Fred's 1991 chart topper. What did Fred boast? He was too sexy for let's see if you can get the answer to that All right It's time to answer questions. Let's check out the Q&A board All right, let me go all the way to the top. Yes, I'm happy that you caught me trying to control alcohol addiction That was Jane. I think why do men I seem to find in my age group aren't good shaped physically and they seem Elderly to me they want to be nursed or extra income. Why am I manifesting men like that? That's an interesting question Michelle. I don't know if I have a Direct answer. I can tell you that both men and women alike as they age tend to especially here in the United States Get very lazy because we we no longer in a Agricultural environment where we actually had to hunt and create our own food Which which actually up until a hundred years ago people there wasn't obesity maybe a hundred and fifty years ago There wasn't the kind of obesity we have because there wasn't processed foods and there wasn't so much Garbage in our environment. So the reality is as many women alike at this stage in life have done many cases have done a Terrible job taking care of themselves. This is one of the reasons why in my book What the heck is self love anyway? And by the way, there's a link in the description to all my recommended books. I Have a chapter called your body is a machine not a temple your body is a machine not a temple By the way, if that resonates with you hit the like button the reason why I said that is healthy eating Keeps us alive longer. Now. Why would you be attracting that? Look at I think the I want to say 80% of the population Over 45 50 years old are in terrible terrible shape So statistically you have an 8 out of 10 chance to to get approached by someone who's out of shape and Let me just say ladies are in the same boat I'm tired of the rhetoric that it's one-sided women do a terrible job taking care of themselves men do a terrible job I really truly believe less than 20% of the population actually does it actually by the way I exercise six six days a week. I see I exercise six days a week I was on the treadmill today for 30 minutes and I weight lifted for 30 minutes. I do it every day six days a week By the way, my my my little counter said I burned 600. Let me see I burned I'm bragging here for a second. Well, it didn't come up, but oh it looks like I burned 631 calories today and Yes, I'm in that category by the way living in Los Angeles if you want to keep up you got to keep in shape So maybe it's the city you live in I really don't know Michelle, but I just want to say to you It's statistically that's the population. You're gonna most likely get is 8 out of 10 men. Okay. Maya writes Thank you for saying that about interviewing potential future mates. You're very welcome Jane writes. Yes, this guy did not want to get too close. So he started acting like a jerk and pushing me away Here's the thing fear causes people to do all kinds of terrible things I can tell you that when I was going through my divorce and I was such an emotional train wreck at that time I was doing all kinds of insincere things Didn't mean I was doing it intentionally. It was just that was the byproduct of where I was at So when people are in fear, that's not uncommon to have that happen Mary writes, can you send me the link to buy your book check out the links to the in the description? It's called self love the book comm or Jonathan recommends self love the book comm or you can go to Amazon That's where the book is at on Amazon Okay, Jennifer right or Anna writes. This is exactly what I'm going through with a guy He is so afraid to get close to me. I'm sorry to hear that Jennifer writes I interview men on dates and even ask these questions if we are talking online. I'm intentional way to go Jennifer That's exactly it. I say interrogate people Say that would love but absolutely. You know what we got up. Here's my my cup today. What does that say? Let that shit go we got to let go of this old paradigm The reality is is look we're no longer meeting people organically who are part of our daily life The reality is that we're meeting total strangers better cut to the quick I'm all like first message on a bumble or hinge or whatever. I cut right to the chase Why start a whole dialogue just so you can feel comfortable and only they end up at the same place You're gonna be I cut to the quick. I asked some really important serious questions up front Personal to me. You've got to find out what they are for you and ask those very quickly on One of the questions. I a meme I saw said here's a good question to ask someone write this in Does anyone believe they're in a relationship with you right now? I'm gonna repeat that does anyone believe they're in a relationship with you right now. That's a great question This is trying to weed out people who are married who are in relationship with someone else because the reality is most people are actually Involuntarily honest when you catch them off guard. So see about that one someone write that into the comments All right, let's see what else we have. Are you liking this live stream on a Sunday? If you are please hit that like button so more people can see this. I'd be truly grateful Let's see I am love. Hey, sweetheart Jane. Hi Okay leaf rights. Oops Where'd the leaf go? Bear with me. I am so sorry Yes, he's too sexy for his shirt. You got it, right? All right, sorry leaf rights, thank you Jonathan. I'll have to listen to the replay replay on okay, gotcha Sharon writes Mary Angel use the down arrow on the subject for this video. That's by the way That's to get a copy of my book No, boo. He's not too sexy for his shorts. He's too sexy for his shirts Not as cat Okay, naughty rights like I said, why don't women look for a man? They want to go out with and not just look for a man who they want. I'm not really understanding what that means Why don't women look for a man? They want to go out with and not just for a man who they want who want them Oh want them so yes Certainly we should feel we shouldn't want to feel wanted by another person and we should want the other person That's what it should feel like two people wanting to be with each other and genuinely from a heart-centered place wanting to be with one another You know before I started this video. I pulled out a book that I like By Alan Cohen. I haven't talked about this book before it's called the wisdom of the heart by Alan Cohen and One of the chapters that just you know, I said look in the mirror now I'm not going to read it for you, but I definitely want you to check out This is a cute little book that I got so much wisdom about the heart when we lean into the heart Lean into our heart lean into someone else's heart We have a greater chance of connecting with them at a soul level at a real soul spiritual level This is why I'm such a big proponent of personal development self-help and spiritual work So we get truly connected to our soul our heart our sincere Space within us because then we're able to notice who is also in their heart Versus who's either doing their dick or in their hat. I'm gonna repeat that Is it his little head talking or is it the big head talking but not the heart? The heart Yeah That's one of the things I I Encourage all my clients those that work with me privately to learn how to really vet for a man's heart because when you can understand a man's heart From a not the biological perspective from the emotional perspective You have a greater chance of having a successful Relationship and I teach you how to vet for that emotionally mature that person That's in his heart versus the one who's in this head or this head All right, let's see what other questions we have is this resonating with you if it is please hit that like button some more People can see this I'd be truly grateful All right Boo writes when I asked my ex to stop doing things that hurt me he took it as control why? Well because he doesn't want to Genuinely he saw that as a threat Not let me backtrack he didn't see that he thought he first probably saw that as criticism Because he wasn't actually listening to you. He thought you were attacking him He wasn't understanding that you didn't feel good about the relationship and when you expressed yourself It was like when his mother Mother or father it was for me. It was my mother. You're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong You're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong when we're raised with parents that continually tell us We're doing something wrong. All someone has to do is tell us something and if we're not willing to look inward We deflect it feels like control. It feels like mothering, but here is the thing boo You were expressing something that didn't feel good in the relationship Someone who genuinely cares about you someone who wants to truly connect with your heart Wants to know what can I do to make you feel safer in this relationship? That's what an emotionally mature man would do or emotionally mature woman would do only people who are emotionally weak or still stunted Get defensive and throw it back as control now. I'll be candid You know, I know what it feels like to be mothered at an elderly age I was you know, I was in relationship with women who would tell me to how to cook things or how to do things that felt a Little controlling as I'm from a mothering perspective. I know from her perspective It was just love, but I'm a grown man right now. I know how to do certain things now This is where I have to learn a little bit of grace too But that's what it can feel like if we haven't truly healed our parent issues in our lives It can feel like control so boo. I hope that ends helps you understand what might have been going on Nadia says we eat too much meat that could be true lots of men over 50 or out of shape and think they're too sexy for their shirt Yes, they do. I am love I Will say I'm in good shape in my 40s lots of yoga spinning and martial arts way to go If you were in my city if you were only in my city, thanks Mia Okay, bb says I lost my spouse and two adult sons unexpectedly in 2018. I'm in Santa Cruz 54 I'm in the same place. You are Jonathan. I have the same workout regimen. Oh Man that just hurts reading that It hurts me personally Whenever I hear about someone who's lost a child or lost a loved one now I truly get triggered I said earlier. I'm doing this live stream because I was I was watching a movie called something sit statin Staten Island kid or something like that. I can't remember what it was. It's with Pete Davidson and Pete Davidson is on the TV show SNL and He lost his father when he was two years old and just knowing that breaks my heart It so breaks my heart I can't even imagine what it was like to not grow up with a father And as as a parent who lost a child and again those know that there's Connor right there My son who passed away a couple years ago. It is very hard To sometimes just hold it together. It is so hard to hold it together And that's why I'm doing this live stream because I'm lonely right now Not because I'm pathetic not because I'm a loser not because I'm in my feminine energy Or I'm not in my masculine or whatever Because I just want to connect with people and I'm grateful that I have a platform like YouTube to do that And I share this with you is that we're all feeling this way. We're all feeling Pain on some level and as I said before the number one emotional health issue is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable. I'm not likeable. This is why it's such crap when I hear such dating advice make it seem like everything is so simple No, everything is fucking complicated for a variety of different reasons and when we don't know someone's History their story. We can't know what it's like people ask me. Why are you single Jonathan? I went through hell in the last three years It's been very difficult to want to get too close to someone after what I've gone through and so I share this with you as We I see as humans We oftentimes judge others way too quickly without ever knowing what's going on behind the curtain And that's why I'm sharing with you these reasons That's why I did up one the other day and why I share what men fall in love with because when we understand What goes on behind the curtain we can actually have a greater level of empathy and Compassion for others so it breaks my heart to read that. I'm we're in the same boat. I get it I'm giving you lots and lots of love I'm giving you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug if that's okay because I know what it's like to feel that kind of pain. Oh Thank you, baby Zara writes way to what yay to exercise. I'm bragging to I went on a hike today Okay, Linda right a great for you Linda writes lost my husband the cancer now with a loving first See another one Linda my heart goes out Okay Bear with me. Thank you, Michelle. We are me chin for thank you for saying on Massen Does anyone believe they're in a relationship right now? Great question. Yes Malika says I'm 37 I went to date many men that lied that they're in their 40s But they're in their early 50s, you know, I can say I can say I've been there I've been in that space where I fudged about my age because I don't want to be rejected Because I'm in my 50s now and I feel like I'm you know, I can feel like I can be rejected So some of us feel like we have to fudge on our age to be accepted And this is the sad truth this age discrimination is going on for men and women alike now Men a man in his 50s going after 37 years old. I think that's kind of pushing it a little bit But hey, you know, if he wants that that's okay, but why people do that because of age discrimination Looks like we have a paid chat. So let's see. Oh, you're very welcome boo boo. Oh, thanks so much for that Super sticker. I really appreciate it. All right. Now. How do I okay? Thanks so much Teresa writes Jonathan I would love for you to read these books to us and open up for questions after each chapter that might be That might be a thing I can do. Thank you. Teresa. I'll do that soon Who's in there dick wrong head boy? Thank you. Go on me. What is a good dating site POF seems to have lots of jerks on there Okay, good dating sites. Great question. So first and foremost, I'm a match.com Happens to be the biggest site. So that's where most people go to along with their sister companies, which includes our time I do like okay cupid and I like bumble on for apps and I like hinge those apps but by the way Jerks assholes Players gold diggers. They're on every dating site. They're on every dating site. It's not one is in, you know One free ones can draw more Laxadaical people but I'm here to say My suggestion match.com bumble hinge, okay cupid those are some of the best j-date and certainly e-harmony But e-harmony is such a small selection But you know what? I'm a believer of every spoke in the wheel every spoke in the wheel You know what? Here's the thing if you're not willing to invest 50 or $100 a month in your love life to find a life mate Then you have no business out there invest in yourself invest in opportunities and put yourself on every Platform because the more spokes in the wheel your greater chance for success. Now some of you might think well Jonathan That's exhausting. Well. I'm here to say you you don't have to spend more than 15 or 20 minutes on any given day Shit, I spend that on the bathroom toilet. I could do all my I Could do all my swiping then by the way, I know that was gross. I hope you don't mind I know women spend less time on the toilet, but you spend that much time putting on makeup Invest in your love life for that much All right, I hope this is resonating with you Please hit that like button and if you want to check out check out the description to all my books my Coaching and my membership. All right. Thanks again, boo Someone writes POF is trash Thank you Linda for the comment about my book self your book self-love is amazing. Thank you Jennifer writes to defensive behavior is unhealed trauma. I've learned that yes defensive behavior is unhealed trauma This is why where is the book? Where's my book? Oh Here Read the book the four agreements the four agreements The four agreements. Let's read them out loud First agreement, sorry for picking my nose first agreement be impeccable with your word Second agreement. Don't take anything personally oftentimes people's issues of you is just their projection Number three don't make assumptions and number four always do your best check out the book the four agreements I highly recommend it and yes Defensive behavior is oftentimes just unhealed shit Thank you, boo for the virtual hug I am love. Thank you Okay Jennifer writes I fudge my age a few years ago online my guy friend told me to do that. I didn't like okcupid at all. All right By the way, my ex-girlfriend fudged on her and I'm not gonna say by how much and you know The guy she's with they're actually they're one year apart from each other and they're in a great relationship So, you know what let's stop and by the way fudging on your age is not lying Lying is looking someone in the eye and telling someone the truth putting it on a dating profile Is just to get downed in the search engines. Let's stop judging people for this All right, if you like what I'm saying, please hit that like button All right, let's see what else Chin writes childhood trauma involves sexual abuse affects a lifetime partners can't relate You know, let's face it someone who's had sexual abuse or true trauma in their childhood makes it very my feet are cold Makes it very difficult for them to be in An intimate relationship. This is why we have to ask really good questions Before we get too involved with someone find out their past history and find out what they're doing right now in their life To heal from their stuff. And if they're not doing much, I gotta tell you I just work I have a client right now. She entered into a relationship with someone that she'd known for a while. I Told I was pushing her against it, but no He's giving her attention. She likes receiving the attention and he did his typical turnaround again, which was number two I've been hurt in the past. You deserve better. How many times have you heard this bullshit ladies? You deserve better. You deserve better This is a guy who's been hurt in the past and hasn't done any fucking shit to heal his own stuff and become a victor in his life He's more focused on being a victim. I'm a victim of being hurt by women I'm a victim of being hurt by women and I don't mean physically. I'm emotionally Maybe you should look in the fucking mirror dude and find out what you can do to heal yourself We got to stop giving men a pass for their passivity. And what I mean by a pass is stop enabling Men just because they're giving you attention. There I go again. I'm screaming But you get my point, right? All right, I hope that answers your question JP I lost my husband five years ago this week drug related I hear you my heart goes out to all those in pain. It's not easy and not everyone understands working on self I sweetheart. I am giving you a big gigantic hug Jane. I can't even imagine what that is like I only know my suffering and pain Victoria writes the guy I'm dating always says he wants to see me but then makes other plans than he ghosts me Well, then are you really dating him if he all if he's always doing this? Are you actually dating him? Are you guys seeing each other two to three times a week? Are you having regular sex together? Are you spending time in social activities and hobbies spending time with family and friends? Traveling together doing stuff or is this just a internet-based relationship? I'm just curious Are you just spending time Victoria on the phone and text messaging versus actual face-to-face time? Because someone you are in relationship should be investing to the three days a week with you on a regular basis Doing shit together. Is this sinking in please hit the like button if it is Big hugs to you Victoria Brenda writes That is great question and is what I should have asked in my last relationship other women thought they were in Relationship him with him when we dated and I soon realized I was one of them So what is the question? Does anyone think they're in a relationship with you right now? That's a great question to ask. So I hope this helps got my nose is and I probably got a booger in there or something all right Leaf writes why do men 50 plus have an unwillingness to go to counseling and coaching and go silent when they used to freely open up about work exes children and trauma so So people in their 50s are a byproduct of the baby boom generation or the early Gen X generation Prior to that therapy was considered taboo It was considered taboo so a big percentage of men in their 50s who are in that baby boom percentage Weren't raised the way look at my son Colin and you know I hope he doesn't kill me for saying this but he wanted to see a therapist after his brother passed away And I was so for it, but I'm grateful. He did it because well Thing is he had a father who was personal development junkie So I am my son's therapist in a way not because you know in a way because I have some expertise at this My generation would have never considered therapy It's very rare that someone would consider therapy in their 50s and 60s and it usually takes a horrific humbling event a Horrific humbling event for someone to want to say I want to heal on my inside So the reason and this is true of the vast majority of men a Significant person by the way, here's the thing ladies most guys are good guys They're just bad daters or they're fucked up just like most women are good people They're just either bad daters or emotional emotionally fucked up. I mean, I Don't mean that to be crass to anyone. It's just this It's very small percentage of people that are actually doing personal development self-help and spiritual work That's again. Why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love to begin that journey I can't tell you how many women have written me said Jonathan. I bought this for a guy and he loved it So sometimes it takes baby steps, but here's the thing If a person is addressing their issues, then I'm all in favor and investing in someone who's addressing his issues If they're avoiding their issues, then you have to be careful where you walk because you might go down the rabbit hole with him And that's no fun going down someone else's rabbit hole Okay, my invitation is Date men who are already addressing their emotional issues I hope you're addressing your emotional issues or at least is willing to invest in doing couples work together Oh, that's another thing. God dang it couples work Why aren't look at ladies if the penis gets to go on the vagina regular basis and you want to improve your relationship Then go to a couples counselor to help each other Communicate with one another in a healthier happier way. This is why I'm such a big proponent of the book Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg It should been called compassionate communication The point here is that when you learn how to communicate with each other better You have a greater chance for success in Relationships so go to a couples counselor and if he's not willing to invest in helping the relationship grow Then why does he get to have sex with you or why do you get to have sex with him? People should be working on co-creating a relationship. Look at this co-creating a relationship together that leads to partnership This is why I'm such a big proponent of the book spiritual partnership by Gary Zuckoff Spiritual partnership by Gary Zuckoff. Check out the links below write this down This is a great book and then of course my favorite of all time eight dates by dr John and Julie Gottman eight dates by dr John and Julie got me you got to get this if you want to be in a great relationship By the way, we're gonna do another 90s query a question, but guess who joined us right now Salty wants to say hi Salty says hi for those who know my Nick Conner's nickname is Salty So when I say Salty forever, I'm talking about him and here's my little puppy to say hi to you all All right, let's do another trivia question. Well, let's see if I'll take a couple more questions Jennifer writes Wait a minute leaf writes. Thank you for your vulnerability Sharon writes. Let's see. Oh, we got a lot. We got to go up If you do not heal what you hurt you you will bleed on all those who didn't cut you a quote I live for let me say that one more time Tell me if you like this quote hit the like button if you don't heal what hurt you You will bleed on those who didn't cut you. I love that quote Nerd writes too many times it doesn't stop for them for them looking for some nookie thought From nookie protect yourself ladies. Look at I'm I'm look at I'm not here to focus on Personally, what's wrong and coming from a place of having to put up guards and walls I'm a big proponent to be open to be open and receptive to love Here hold on one second. This is what's on my front door. I want you to read this It's kind of hard to read it says Open and receptive to love a relationship leading to partnership and the word easy in other words It's an easy relationship Open and set receptive to love if you're protecting yourself. You're not open and receptive to love This is what's on my front door I see it every day when I walk out and my invitation is for you to be open and receptive to love Just don't get attached to someone you don't know too well and hire me to figure that out for you Please hit that like button if this resonates Michaela and nerd I hope that I hope you don't mind, but I'm I'm not for protection I'm for being open and not giving your heart away until two people are really in a good space to be with each other All right. Oh, I was going to do a trivia question. Oh, this is a good one. This is 90s trivia What did Lorraine a bobbitt do to her husband John? What did Lorraine a bobbitt do to her husband John? Let's see if you can get this one right All right Sharon writes I was looking for some 65 to 72. I Had some 80 year old come to meet up might be nice guy, but he needs His needs and mine were different. Okay, gotcha Leaf writes. Thank you so much Jonathan for your vulnerability and desire to connect instead of withdraw. Thank you so much leaf I appreciate that I need more wine for this comedy show. Thanks, boo Oh, I'm drink. You know what? There's coffee in here next time. It'll be alcohol Okay, true confession I had a little pot before I did this. Okay. I'm living California. It's legal. I got it dispensary But yes, I do like to take a puff every now and again to chill out Uh, and I like taking edibles to help me sleep So yes, I'm a tiny bit buzzed All right, Jennifer writes therapy changed my life. I wish more people went. Yes. Yes. Yes. I wish more people went Trying to think Here's a good. Well, we don't need to talk about that book. All right Growing up as a teen linda writes growing up as a teenager when I lost my mom at age 12 Then experienced sexual abuse for the next four years of therapy affected every relationship before Before I trusted men again Linda my heart goes out to you I can't even imagine a losing your mom and then to have to go through that That's just fucking terrible And it's great that you've done work on yourself because here's the thing What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I can tell you that just not even You know losing my quarter million dollar your job Going through a divorce. I was a total drug addict and an alcoholic for about 10 years I was in the depths of despair and it was the personal development self-help and spiritual work That prepared me for the loss of connor. I don't I think I wouldn't be alive right now If it wasn't for the work I did ahead of time before my mom passed away That's my mom and dad by the way When they're in their 20s and then when connor passed away. So I'm so grateful you've done work because without trust It's hard to be in a relationship Thanks linda was sending you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug leaf writes great idea book reading Okay, um Irene writes, thank you so much. You thank you You make so much sense. We all want connection exactly Lynette writes question when he says he he made love to you Does he love you his his other behaviors are consistent and no red flags when he says he made love to you Does he love you? You know, we oftentimes use the word making love Because who wants to say I fucked you okay? Because we don't we say we made love That's speaking from our heart. Does that mean they love you Love is actually demonstrated through actions. So my question is if his actions consistently Are demonstrating a union together then he loves you most likely Irene writes too sexy for a shirt. Okay, um Yeah, sarah and nadia they cut off his dick. That was lorraine above it We got a couple more trivia questions, but you got that right I love that you admitted that you were buzzed. You're so real and honest You know what here's thank you so much, you know for every one of you that watch me I am so grateful that you actually appreciate my vulnerability, authenticity and transparency Some might call that feminine energy Ugg I call it being fucking real. You know, we got to stop putting boxes of masculine and feminine How about just being real is being vulnerable authentic and transparent? We don't have to put a gender association to it like the words masculine and feminine So by the way, it's a source subject for me. So I get a little riled up with this shit Hey, it's my issues. Look it. I got tons of issues. I'm no picnic to be with Believe me. I can be a pain in the ass, too And by the way, I I appreciate all of you how loving and kind you are towards me You tell me what a great catch. I am I do my ego loves it like nobody's business But again until you look beyond the curtain And know a person you can't really know what my life is like just like I can't know what your life is like I do my best to be fully transparent with you But many of you aren't sitting here with me on the nights that I'm crying my eyes out because I miss my son And it makes it difficult sometimes to get close to someone that doesn't mean I'm not capable of it But I'm going to tell you something I'm not gonna I'm not here to fuck around and I don't want you to fuck around either wasting time with the wrong people This is why I I'm a coach. I'm here to be laser focused to help you pick the right guy So you don't have to feel like you've gone on date after date after date And that's something I can help you with. I hope this resonates with you. Please hit that like button. All right I love saying what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and then kelly clarkson wrote a song about it. Yes Leaf writes dealt with mine and told my now ex to deal with his childhood wounds So his children do not suffer more Generational curses do not have to continue. So leave This okay for everyone I did something called the hoffman process the hoffman process the hoffman process is a deep dive into your childhood wounds and traumas Uh that cause our negative patterns and limiting beliefs and what happens is We pass this down generation generation generation and so by the time I caught up with this shit I was like I think collin was probably 14 years old But we had a conversation the other day he was sharing with me How disappointed he was that I was an absentee father for the first five or six years of the divorce And I truly was a fucking basket case. I was a a train wreck This is why I began this coaching practice to help women recognize men who are fucking in chaos in a train wreck Can't I just had this conversation the other day what he also said though was dad You were so attentive and you helped develop my personal development work By I listen I made my kids listen to tony robbins and averham hicks and wane dyer And I took connor to um a rich man poor dad um rich man poor dad event robber kiyosaki and and I I doused them with all kinds of personal development stuff and I've encouraged collin to go seek therapy Because and now he teaches children. He works with children So he's learning so much about being a great human being and very few people get this chance because we pass down trauma from generation to generation to generation And I'm here to say it sucks This is why it doesn't matter when you begin your journey Just begin your journey and do the work of personal development self-help and spiritual work And hopefully you attract a guy that does the same. This is why I'm a big proponent of self compassion Read that Who's this book by christin neff? Read this book about self-compassion that starts with loving on ourselves. Can we do that? Can you agree to that? Please hit the like button if you agree All right Let's take some more. I'll do a trivia question in a second. Uh, I watch you because you're real Fuck the haters. Thanks. Uh, mia Why does he go hot and cold if he likes you? Well, just like this this, uh, youtube Live is about he could have chaos in his life He fears getting close or he has performance issue. This is one of just many reasons why this happens We all want connection companionship and sex, but that doesn't mean we're capable of doing a deeper dive into commitment and intimacy This is why I teach this work instead of this bullshit, you know Just sit back and your feminine energy and guys will just gravitate towards you. Yeah for the short run I'm here to teach you the long run. This is why you've got to buy these books that are especially eight dates And by the way ladies I'm gonna tell you something ever since I started talking about books on my videos Women have been introducing these books to men that they're actively dating and guess what the vast majority of men Are actually receiving this they're actually leaning in So here's the thing and if he doesn't that means he doesn't want a serious relationship anyone who rejects The idea of co-creating a healthy happy relationship is a guy who can't go the distance So drop that motherfucker as quickly as you can And by the way guys are now watching my channel I can't tell you how many are agreeing with what i'm saying Not because i'm Being your big brother protecting you against them. It's because they agree with this We got to stop this bullshit narrative about the rule. This is most Dating advice is based on this book the rules, which is all bullshit reverse psychology way of approaching relationships I'm here to say reverse psychology only works temporarily Only works temporarily if you want to do a deeper dive into love Then you better have this book on your nightstand. Where's my client? I'm going to tell you about a client jinn amber. By the way, she's got a skincare product She just sent me this this is let me just show this jinn amber She sent me some retinol for under my eyes. I know my eyes seem a little baggy. She loves this book She has totally changed the way she's dating by the way. She has a youtube channel j i n amber check it out um She loves this book All my clients are loving this book I'm in here to encourage you if you want a deeper health or happier relationship Then do the reading because it's going to prepare you for a great relationship Ah Okay, thank you. Where am I? Okay, shin shin shin right spirituality and communication for sure voice your emotions Voice your truth. I agree does a guy love you if he cheated on you What okay, what does love mean to you? Let me tell you what love means to me and if this resonates Then this is the man you should be having sex with love means to me. I'm gonna say it slowly I'm here you matter We are important I've got your back I'm not going anywhere and I only want you Now I'm here. That means I'm present. I'm not in the future. I'm not in the past. I'm present I'm here you matter This says that you're important to me you matter And then we are important that says that the relationship is important to me I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back That means I'm I'm gonna you know what if you're going through a hard time. I'm gonna be there for you I had a client not a client a friend She had lost her son 19 year old son just like mine six months after my son passed away And she had just started dating a guy She had literally was one month into the relationship and could you imagine this They were out on a date together when she found out she lost her son and breaks my heart This guy had her back from that moment on like you can't believe and they eventually got married a year later I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. That means I'm committed to this relationship And I only want you if someone is cheating That's actively cheating You got to ask yourself Now if someone cheated and wants to build a relationship with you then I highly recommend reading this book Where is it? Oh, I didn't pull it out. Um, oh here it is Actively read this book chatting or cheating chatting or cheating How to how to detect infidelity rebuild love and a fair proof your relationship It's in the link in my jonathan recommends. This is a great by the way The last half of this book is a great book to also Develop a amazing a fair proof relationship. I highly recommend checking this out Salty says hi. All right. Let's see what else we have um I tell my guy that he has He's a catch handsome smart and the best and it helps. Okay, mary beth writes I tell my guy. He's a catch handsome smart and the best You know, we men want to feel complicate complimented We get we get about this many compliments in any given day ladies typically I'm before covet. Oh my god. I love that purse. Oh my god. I love that dress What did you do to your hair? Your hair looks great. You ladies get a gazillion compliments a day We get zero compliments We're thirsty for compliments too because that tells you that you're into us I'll tell you my best first date ever. This is let's see my divorce was 15 years ago This was about eight months after my divorce my first date One of my favorite first dates and we dated for three months I was just such a fucking train wreck and she knew it. Oh, let me tell this Well, let me gather it in a second. So on our first date. She said to me Oh my god, you are way more handsome in person. I mean she said you're drop dead gorgeous Now the leo and me I mean my stroke my mane. She said all the right thing because I'm a words of affirm adoration Not affirmation words of adoration But she knew I was a train wreck because of the chaos I was going on in my life I'm going to share something with you all We had met in november of 2005 And Christmastime she gave me this gift This gift now you can't tell really what it is, but it's a picture frame with rose colored glasses rose colored glasses After our second date, you know, she said to me she said jonathan I have to date you with rose colored glasses Because I know you're a mess But I think you're a great guy and I'm going in this consciously, but I know you're a mess So sure enough three months into the relationship. I couldn't handle any more emotional closeness My life was in chaos as I said before and I had a fear of getting close to someone But she first off she stroked my ego She was very conscious and aware and sure enough three months into the relationship. I ended it now We had a very conscious uncoupling And because of that we've remained social friends. I mean we're on facebook together. She by the way She got married shortly. She met a great guy and got married shortly after our relationship end I felt like I by the way, do you know how many women it dated me and have gotten married shortly thereafter? I think it's happened like a dozen not like maybe not a dozen times But I feel like that movie good luck chuck if you date me as soon as we end you're gonna have a great relationship Um, not sure if that's the case, but diana's very sweetheart rose colored glasses I still keep this on my my desk So I want to share with you. That's a conscious woman Who understands understood the three reasons why men lose what? interest, okay, let's take some more questions um sassy writes he goes hot and cold because of avoidant or Dismissive attachment styles that is possibly true for those who are not familiar I highly recommend reading the book attached by amir levine and rachel heller Understanding avoidant or dismissive attachment styles will greatly help you understand why men can be hot and cold All right, um, thanks sassy, uh, linda writes. She's a bit off his she she bit off his penis. Actually she cut off his penis All right leaf writes didn't have Room to say he used to go to a counselor with his ex and alone after but did not stay committed suggested We go he said counselor only saw singles now sad to let him go so I don't really know what to comment on that a lot of people go to Therapy with a partner, but are they going to therapy to heal their own shit? That's what i'm a big proponent of do you agree with therapy hit that like I want to see that like button increase If you agree to therapy Okay, casey writes to voice boy boyfriend says he can't commit because he He'd do anything to be under the same way He can't commit because he'd do anything to be under the same roof as children again But he also says he knows that he'll never happen. So why leave me please interpret I got to read this again everyone Divorce boyfriend says he can't commit because he'd do anything to be under the same roof of his children again But he also says he knows that will never happen. So why leave me? So That's just a bullshit excuse He'll do anything to be on the roof of his kids, but he wants to have sex with you What it means is he wants companionship connection and sex But he doesn't want commitment with anyone and he's just using that as his excuse Because if he wants to be under the same roof of his children and he knows it can't happen again Then come up with look it. I wasn't under the same roof as my children for you know for For 15 16 years I learned how to make the I learned how to create a new relationship with my boys Taking them out to lunch on a regular basis spending time with them on a regular basis doing shit together You can do this. You can find an alternate way to be with your children. Don't use that bullshit excuse Casey, I'm sorry. You heard that Or I mean from him Um Linda writes good for you. Didn't it taste like a Labrador? Oh, okay um Boo writes do you consider spiritual work as self-help? So I call it personal development self-help and spiritual work spiritual work is more understanding um Our you know the god within us our higher self Self-help is working on our self our limiting beliefs and negative patterns and so is personal development This is why i'm such a big proponent of reading this book. This is my bible ladies The untethered soul by michael singer. This is a spiritual book. This is a great book For getting inside your own head I repeat this. This is a great book for getting inside your own head And this is my invitation for you to do this work Is this sinking in please let me know post a comment below. All right. Let's take another question All right, oh Which movie Does does not star both meg ryan and tom hanks which movie does not star both meg ryan and tom hanks First you've got mail second joe versus the volcano third french kiss And fourth sleepless in seattle again, which movie did not star tom hanks and meg ryan meg ryan and tom hanks You've got mail joe versus the volcano french kiss and sleepless in seattle. Let's see who gets this right Thanks linda hugs back to you. Have you heard of kevin samuels advice to men? It's so hard to hear that many men think he's on point with single parents So ironically linette that was the person i listened to today that said that men are easy and simple What a crock of shit So yes, i've heard him, but i've just heard a little bit about him and literally Here's an interesting spiritual thing I heard about him today for the first time and now he's popping up through one of you ladies how fascinating Being single sucks. Yeah being single does fucking suck, but you know what? Being in a shitty relationship sucks, too You know what matters most the relationship you have with yourself That's the most important relationship and that's my invitation for all of you. Have a great relationship with yourself By the way, we're gonna be wrapping up soon when a guy is upper fifties has a major career disappointment How horrible does that affect his behavior? Especially in a new relationship only three months go Okay, ronald I want you to listen to the beginning of this. Um, Why don't you go back to listening? I address this Extensively please go back to the beginning and listen because I addressed it All right french kiss you are correct jennifer and nerd and No, nadia you did not get that right because sleepless in seattle did have meg ryan and It was the movie french kiss All right You know this looks like a good place to wrap up I'm gonna repeat those three reasons why men lose interest. It's not you And please tell me if you like this first reason he has chaos in his life. He has chaos in his life Second he fears getting too close because of past disappointments and third he has performance issues These are three reasons amongst many reasons why he might lose interest that has nothing to do with you What's most important is you work on your own self worth self confident self esteem And most of all your own self love if this resonates with you Please check out the link to a free discovery call with me in the description If you can't afford coaching check out the link to my group called midlife love mastery for a small fee every month You can have direct access to me on a day practically a daily basis And if you post questions in our private group, I'll shoot a video specifically to you check out the link below And also my recommended books and listen to my podcast called the what would love do podcast podcast All right We're gonna let that shit go. I hope you had fun this evening Please tell me if you did and if you're watching the replay all the way to this point I hope you've enjoyed it. I hope there was some value Please let me know if I provide value for you and please tell your friends share this video with others I would be truly grateful. I'm so glad over a hundred people were on live at this time Let's get that up to 200 300 or more All right, salty is gonna get ready to say goodbye Rose-colored glasses remember that wasn't that a sweet gift Diana. Thank you so much All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic joth and bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye Salty says bye. Thank you so much. Lee. Thank you boo. Thank you. Mia. Thank you. Oh, I am love Oh, all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart wishing you a fabulous evening. Bye. Bye now