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Marriage Advice: Divorce Busting 101 - Relationship Goals

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Published on Mar 28, 2010

http://www.divorcebusting.com/blog/di...

Get quality marriage advice from international best selling author, Michele Weiner Davis. In this Divorce Busting 101 video, Michele explains the value of setting relationship goals. By having a greater vision for the direction you'd like your relationship to head, you lay the foundation to save your marriage.

Want to talk to a Divorce Busting Coach? Visit here - http://www.divorcebusting.com/mm5/mer...

Get more advice on how to save your marriage at http://divorcebusting.com, follow Michele on Twitter at http://twitter.com/divorcebusting, join Michele on Facebook at http://facebook.com/divorcebusting, and read Michele's blog at http://divorcebusting.com/blog .

Transcript:

Do you want a better relationship? If you do you have to set relationship goals. Why? Because if you aim at nothing, youll hit it every time. When i talk to couples about setting relationship goals, they think about new years eve and they say I set goals on new years eve. But what are those goals for? Theyre for eating less, exercising more, quitting drinking or quitting smoking. Think about it, what do all of those goals have in common? Theyre personal goals, theyre not relationship goals. And so today Im going to help you really identify what you need to do differently to set solution oriented relationship goals- goals that contain within them the seeds for solution.

There are 3 criteria.

The first one is that you have to state your goals positively. People generally dont do that. When I ask couples in my practice, what are you hoping to change about your relationship? What do you want to improve? Generally they want to talk about theyre unhappy about. Theyll say, I wish my husband wasnt so critical. I wish my wife werent such a nag. Those are not goals those are complaints. Lets turn them into positively stated goals.

Back to the wife who says I wish my husband werent so critical. I would ask her, when he stops being so critical, what will he be doing differently? And shell say something like, I wish he would compliment me more,, if he just thanked me once in a while for making great meals or, if he told me I looked really hot, Id really know were on the right track. Thats a great difference because if she thinks that her goal is I wish my husband were less critical, shell go home, looking for him to be critical, counting it, and hoping its fewer times. On the other hand if she goes home saying I hope that hes more complimentary and she looks for him being more complimentary, saying nicer things, thats going to instantly change the dynamics of their relationship. Get it?

Criteria number two...read the rest at...
http://www.divorcebusting.com/blog/di...

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