 Peace be upon you and welcome to Making a House a Home with myself, Raghad Barkar and our expert life coach and an Alpi practitioner, Fahima Mohamed, who today will be discussing habits to maintain happiness. Peace be upon you, Fahima. Peace be upon you. Can you tell me what you mean by that and how you can have certain habits to maintain happiness and especially at home? Yes, it does really start with the individual. Even though we're in a family and we have to maintain these routines, it's very difficult to sort of stay in a household for many years and not become complacent with the way in which we speak to each other, the way in which we think towards each other. So I think to have the right psychology as an individual is really, really important and today's households, we lack so much respect and discipline. We lack so much manners because we're so used to each other and we think sometimes it's okay to just sort of blurt things out or say things in a different tone or use a certain language with, you know, we might not even necessarily use with our friends and colleagues. So why should it be appropriate and okay to use within our family members and over time that could, you know, cause resentment, that could cause a lot of like sort of distance between, for example, the spouse or even the parents and children. So there are definitely habits that we as individuals need to look upon ourselves so that we can create and change the way we look at life, change the way we think about life, change the way we speak and how we feel. We do certainly conform to certain norms when we're living with each other, which actually is not necessarily healthy. So for example, we have, you know, a family, let's just take a case study, for example, where we have a family where they constantly, you know, at each other, you know, with regards to, you know, the husband and the wife, you know, not speaking, you know, friendly towards each other and that filters towards, you know, how the children sort of like talk to each other and then there's disruption between even the siblings and but that also comes from what they watch within their parents. So having a mindset which is I'm always going to respect you. I'm always going to speak to you with respect. I'm always going to have regards for you. And even in Islam, you know, within relationships and especially between spouses, they need to be mercy. They need to be forgiveness. There's a lot of complaints within, you know, the household. Oh, they're not pulling their weight or I'm doing more or I'm doing less. And these things are really normal and you think it's okay. And oh, yes, now the new way of, oh, if, you know, if a couple argues that means they love each other, no, it doesn't necessarily work that way. And it's not really healthy. And you're actually teaching and creating bad habits and your children are picking up on that and they're actually going to take it to a level that's probably far beyond what you are doing, which can be really destructive. Okay, so what you're saying is in terms of making your home happier or your house a happier place to be in is by actually starting with the small little habits and then turning that into an environment. Yeah, I mean, we are so used to the way we are and we don't really want to change and we have to be in our comfort zones a lot of the times and any change normally for any human being is seen to be sort of, you know, really uncomfortable and we don't like it and we really resistant. So I think as individuals and as humans, the only way to actually maintain happiness is to constantly grow and develop. Because when you have amount of information, even in Islam, it says knowledge. Knowledge is not just about academic knowledge. It's really about building yourself, building, you know, the way in which we think. And self-development is so important with this. And in any household, if you're going to have self-development, you're going to be looking at yourself and you're going to be hopefully, you know, filtering that and using that as an example as to when which you treat your family members. That is so important. It's no point you doing charity work. It's no point you going outside and doing so good in your job, for example. And in fact, that also will fail because the home life and the foundation, those are the real, you know, set for what needs to sort of like, you know, build success. And there's blessing and there's barakah when you have happiness in your home. If you make your child smile, if your wife or your husband is happy because of you, because of a nice word, you know, even if there's nothing you can say to each other, but just smile to each other. No one even has that in the house anymore. We're running away from each other. We want to go and do our own things because we feel trapped. We feel that we don't get along. We feel that there's no connection. There's no love. But, you know, as individuals as well, we need to change our mindset to think that we're in this commitment, we're in this responsibility and Allah, we have promised Allah to have this sort of like commitment. We have made a promise to stay in this marriage, to be in a household, to bring it up and the teachings of the affidavit. It shows that we have to make our homes happy and that means itself sacrifice. We need to put others first. We don't do that. It is funny that you say that because a lot of people consider their homes as where they can be themselves kind of thing. You can be yourself. Yeah, no, in terms of like, you know, I don't want to try mean eyes. I've come back from work and I'm in a bad mood and I want to let that out or I've got some negative energy. I want to let that out and the only place I can let it out is at home. So, you know, the last place I want to put an effort in or try hard is at home. That's what a lot of people will argue, which is obviously wrong. But how would we change their mindset? That is a very interesting point and that is very true. And yes, your home should be where you need to be. But hopefully, you know, it'll be like a balance. So if the husband or the wife that's coming home feel that they need to release some stress, you know, with regards to, you know, the pressures outside, that also should be allowed. But what makes it worse is the other person is not allowing it and not having the empathy towards it. That's when it becomes a problem and an issue because instead of listening to the other person and understanding, they're like, why are you being like this? Because it should be about me. You know, it's having a different way of looking at life and each one having their own time to let it out. And if one is letting off steam, the other one cannot be doing the same. There has to be a balance. That's true. That is what I'm trying to... Where the problem lies, isn't it? The husband or the wife is in a bad mood or stressed out about something and the other one says, what's wrong with you? Why are you stressed out? There's no mercy. That's what it turns into. So, you know, you definitely should have that peace at home. Allah has brought, you know, marriage and spouses for each other so that there's going to be peace. But only if you perform and conform in the right manner and ways. So, you're going to have empathy for each other. You're going to have love for each other and it's going to be consistent. And you've got to love that person even when you don't like them. You've got to have to make that. You go to any self-development course in class. They tell you the most, you know, top gurus in development. They will tell you that in order to be successful in life, you've got to do things when you don't want and that's not just in business. That's in your home. And the only way you can be successful, whether it's in business or happiness or fulfillment generally, is to do things when you don't want to. So then you do that and you create that habit at home because there's going to be moments and there's going to be plenty of those moments in life where your children are going to annoy you, where your life is going to not go the way that you planned, where, you know, the husband or the wife is not going to be looking or feeling or giving you that love and attention that they did at the beginning. But you still have to perform in the way that you promised. And with that, because you're putting someone else first because you're still conforming to the responsibilities that you have promised and you're keeping to it, Allah shows mercy on you because you're showing mercy on the person that relies upon you and there's trust that's on you and you're performing so that that comes back to you. It may not be when you want, but that becomes strength within you. And that's the feeling that you can actually create in your household and you are not just creating it for yourself, you're actually going to change by you being that way. You might even change the, you know, the responses and the reactions from your partner, for example, and you're going to be showing and teaching your children as well. So all these habits are really important and it starts with the psychology, the way in which you think you behave and your thoughts as I started the show when I talked about, you know, how your thoughts, you know, can manifest in your actions, in your destiny. You know, all of these things make a huge difference. People want to be successful. They want to be fulfilled. They want to be happy. They want to think, I'm going to do it for me. No, you do it because you're giving someone else something first. You make a, put that smile on your child's face in the morning because you're there to do it. That's when you're going to have the success and buttock heart when you go to work, for example. We don't realize how these things filter and how these things carry forward in our daily lives. Well, can you go back to that first series when you think about the thought turns into an action, the action turns into habits? Yeah, I mean, to be honest, like, you know, we have, we don't realize how powerful our mind is and studying the mind and neuroscientists as well. You know, I do a lot of research on that and it does help with coaching. To be honest, the way in which we think does, you know, conform with the our actions. And to be honest, we don't, we might think it's conscious of conscious, whatever it may be unconsciously, but our mind is very, very powerful. And our religion does give us that way of, you know, constantly encouraging us to study and to learn and seek knowledge because it's all in the mind. And if we're going to live in the backward way of thinking or in a cultural way of thinking, it's stopping us from growing. So our mind needs to grow. In order for you to change your life, you need to change your ways. In order for you to make, have successes, you need to obviously, you know, build yourself. And the only way you're going to do that is to develop yourself and develop yourself. In ways in how you think and understanding the way in which the world works right now. Building those, you know, those gaps and there's, you know, building those bridges and bringing those gaps closer within generations, within, you know, different sort of cultures and societies and in your own home, especially, because there's different generations there. There's the grandparents, there's the parents, there's the children. There's different, even intermarriages with interfaiths with regards to different cultures. So we need to understand and learn about that. And, you know, and help each other in that way. And I think that, you know, with children especially, they learn a lot by your actions and by what they see more than what you say. So happiness is something that, you know, yes, as individuals, we all look at happiness differently, but I think real happiness is you giving and you growing. Yeah, well, you mentioned about children learning from our actions more than anything else. Well, you know, there's a lot of studies that have shown that to be true, that the first way of a child learning is through your actions, through your habits. They're just looking at what you're doing and they will copy exactly the way you behave. So no matter how much you tell them, something is right and wrong, if you're not acting that way, it won't mean anything really. Yeah, I mean, it's really down to the individual. It's really, it's challenging being in a family home, in a family unit where there's different personalities, there's different developmental stages and each one is going through their own journeys and we don't necessarily communicate this. So, you know, and sometimes we just have expectations as that, oh, they should know, they know me, we've been married for years or we've lived together, but there's no communication and there's no sort of interaction about how each other feels, about what each other wants and it needs to be constant because it changes over time. So when we have that relationship with each other and we build it and even if we lose those things, we don't just give up, you know, never, ever give up in life. If you give up on your own family, how are you going to ever succeed in life generally? You know, like I mentioned a few weeks back, you know, people will only want to work with you if you've got a strong household, if you've got and maintain good relationships within your family members, even when you don't like them, even when there's challenging characters in there and you can still maintain and still get along, that builds strength, that builds so much sort of character and you know, I think it's really important because you're bringing something to the table which is not normal and to be able to master that, then you can master anything outside your home and that's when you go to development courses and they talk about these things, even outside religion where even our religion states it, but you know, it talks about, you know, having to do things when you don't want to do it, and that's when you can face a challenge when it comes to you. So when you feel like you don't really love your wife or there's no connection or there's no sort of real, you know, sort of feeling between you, you've got to push and work towards that because it was there and there's so many different areas and you know, places that you can turn to like therapy or counseling that you can make it work and sometimes you can actually build something that is even stronger than before, not to say that if things go wrong, you've got to up and leave and start fresh again. And most of the time you end up not even doing that and it's actually worse. So, you know, invest in your family. That's your legacy. That's actually your future. That's your success and that's your happiness. You know, your home is your foundation. Your home is your, you know, your growth for the future and those branches and those leaves that will come from it. That's your actual inspiration for the future. People want to be successful and happy. You look at your home, you build your home and that is the people that are in it. Don't think I'm going to go out there and make money and be successful in a company or you know, have a completely lovely idea and it's going to make me millions. That's why those people that actually just do that by themselves, they end up depressed, they end up suicidal, they end up with anxiousness because they still think I've made all this money, I've done all of these things, I've got the job, I've got the profession, but I'm still not happy. Now what? Now what? Because your home is where you need to build that happiness and invest in yourself by learning these techniques, by having these within you. Don't just say I'm empathetic, be empathetic. Yeah, and I just mentioned invest in yourself. Isn't the best investment when you invest in your children? That's like, you know, you actually see your investment. Yeah, of course, but then not that everyone has the tools for this, not everyone has the strategies for this. You go to life coaches, they tell you how to become a coaching parent, you go to therapy, you go to classes, you have to invest in yourself to create that knowledge, to open up that space of exploring because we don't have all the information all the time or sometimes we need reminding of whatever we know, what we've learned when we were younger. So as adults, we think that we've come to an age and we have wisdom, but no, the wisdom is knowing that there's still more to learn. There's always room for improvement and then you bring that forward to your family and you experiment and you explore with them and you say that, you know, I've learned this from my course, I've done this. Now let me be that, let me show it and who else better to show it with to show all that kindness, that unconditional love, whatever you say that you've got, compassion, whatever it may be, do that with your own family members. Be that person and you'll see the fruits of that, grow into something even better than you could ever create for yourself. Okay, well, the title of today's discussion was habits of maintaining happiness. So what things can we do? Because as we mentioned earlier, we're saying that sometimes you come home and you've got a lot of stress or you're just not in the best of moods. What habits can you get into as a couple or as a family to put yourself in a better mood or to get out of that dark cloud that you're in? Okay, well, it's all about changing your state of mind. And it's really powerful in, I work with clients one-on-one with changing their state of mind instantly. So, you know, NLP does that. So when you have, or even just saying things like, basically, there's always a positive alternative to any situation. So when you have these ways of thinking, in NLP we have presuppositions. So there's no such thing as failure, there's feedback, for example. So when you're talking to your child, for example, or they come back and they haven't done anything, it's not about telling them that you've done wrong and you've done badly in your exam. It's like, what have you learned from it? And if you have an argument with your, or you have a strong feeling, which is negative towards your spouse, for example, because they've done something or they haven't done something, then it's about understanding, for example. So it's about switching that state of mind in an instant. And that only can come from you pausing and realizing and not reacting and not responding. And when you do respond, when you do react, it's gotta be something where you know that you would like to be spoken to as well. You don't just give it to them because you've got that one up on them because they haven't done something. So you call them out constantly because that is complaining. Instead of complaining, be content. These sort of things, so positive alternative, instead of complaining, be content. Instead of moaning, show empathy, show understanding. All of these things are so basic. Yes, they're like, it's so obvious, it's so cliche. When you practice it, when you really practice it and it becomes a habit, you change your ways and you want to change other people. You change yourself and that will create the changes in your household. And that is so basic and that's so few. But when you sit in a session with me, we can go through it a lot deeper and we can do things in a lot more towards your way of living and it will be according to the way you do things and how you can open up to how it works in your household because there are some really deep issues in every household and everyone's running away from it. Everyone thinking that marriage is a trap or we can just move on and we can just do things and we can leave our families as long as we're providing financially or we come once in a while, that's family. No, you don't realize the impact of family. You don't know the blessing of family. You don't know the buttock of family if you really just think of it in that way. You know, you need to build your mind. You need to understand what it means to be in a family. That's why this show I have created the concepts and the titles because it is so important that our society is breaking down because the foundations are not being met and the foundations need to be known. Their basic knowledge needs to be adhered to. They need to practice in order for us to move forward in life. Yeah, and so panel, I know we're thinking about being content and that's the ultimate happiness really. It's very easy to be content to some extent because you just have to look at what you do have and the blessings that you do have rather than look at the things that you don't have which a lot of people have fallen into that habit of looking at what they don't have. Oh, you know what? If I have this, then I'll be happy or if I get this, I'll be happy or this person has that, that's why they're happy and you forget to look at what you've got and that's what actually is making you happy. It can make you happy. What is learning to focus your mind. We forget to do that and that's the simplest habit that we can do and that will give us ultimate content and ultimate happiness, to be honest. Yeah, I mean, it's really about focusing your mind. There's three things we have control over and maybe I've mentioned this before but I will say it again. It's three things that you have control over. One is what you focus on. So if you're gonna focus on a negative it's gonna always be negative and it's gonna elevate. So when you have a situation in the house and you wanna complain, you wanna moan and you wanna feel play the victim and you wanna feel like as if you know people and have all these expectations. Yeah, it's very easy. That is very simple to do but you can focus on that if you want or you can focus on the alternative positive. You can focus on being content. You can focus on being empathetic and understanding, for example. Showing unconditional love in a family is so vital because when you don't want to be there you still gotta be there for your family. When you don't like them, you still gotta show love to your children and even to your wife and your husband. That's what makes you a master of your own. Your own state is to actually push through those barriers and then secondly is focusing on what meaning you give to things. We always change the meanings and we can change it. It can mean nothing or it can mean something. So basically what does something mean to you and where does that come from? So we understand if they're tired and if they don't wanna go out does that mean they don't actually feel love for us and they don't actually, what does it mean they're just really tired? So it's all these things that we do and the other thing, the other focus is one of the control we have is what do we do when we are faced with a challenge? And the thing is a lot of us crack and break. A lot of us fall, a lot of us run and we give up. A lot of us think we can get something better outside. It doesn't work that way. We are blessed. Allah has put us in a household, in a family and we need to work with it and we have to do whatever it takes so when if it ever comes to a stage where you walk away you've done everything. So you know, no matter what I have done for everything because I'm gonna be answered for that. Ultimately we are going to be accountable. So we need to take this seriously. Don't just think that building houses is the same as building a home. It's not. When you have that home, you treasure it. It is a real treasure. It's everything. Absolutely. If you can't take care of it, if you can't nourish it, nurture it, then there must be something wrong possibly with you first. And then if not with you then try and see what is wrong and try and fix it rather than run away. No, never give up, never give up. That's an investment, a complete investment. Thank you so much Fahima and I hope all the viewers have understood about habits of actually creating happiness within the home and how easy it is just to look at the positives and try to forget about the negatives. And we're gonna have a short break now inshallah. An after break we'll be taking some of your questions and Fahima inshallah will be able to answer them and we'll be back soon. Thank you. Salaam alaikum and welcome to the second part of our show of making your house a home. And we're back with some of your questions, Salaam Fahima. Alaykum Salaam. Okay, so my first question is from Fatima and she says, what steps can one take if they feel that there is no emotional connection with their family members at home? I mean, that's a very interesting question because at the end of the day, what is her idea of emotional connection? If I was sat with my client with that because everyone has a different idea but I will just sort of make it up so that hopefully I can give some sort of different sort of ideas and strategies. Emotions are very up and down and if you want emotional connection then it starts by sharing. So to be open and a lot of people they think they have an emotional connection and that could be done because they do the same things, they eat the same way, they have the same routine but it's about sharing things and it doesn't have to be similar. So people sort of build themselves apart even in families because they're not actually engaging and liking in doing the same activities, for example. So when you wanna build emotional connection it's about just trying to learn about the other person and trying to do what they like to do and invite yourself to do what they want and that could build some sort of emotional connection because you're actually taking the time out to do something for somebody else. So you're saying that connectivity maybe. So you're saying that an emotional connection starts off with understanding one another first, possibly having something in common and then you can take it from there. That's what I'm saying, you don't need to have something in common. A lot of people, they go apart because they feel there's no common ground. There doesn't need to be a common ground. We don't all have to like the same things at the same time and a lot of relationships break because they all feel they have to be similar and like and want and do but it's about liking what the other person wants, giving yourself up. Again, it's not about being self-centered. It's not about doing what you want and wanting the other person to do what you like. It should be the other way around and eventually it will come back to you where they'll be doing what you want because you've shown that you're doing what they want and then you know your emotional connection is about if you love that person and if you feel for that person in whichever form, whichever stage then you'll be willing to do that and you'll be willing to take those steps and that's why it's easy for you to have where you'd have to still support them and still stand by them even when you don't like them and you don't agree with their opinions or their ways is that's when the unconditional love comes in because you have that attachment or that emotion towards that person. You want emotional connection that means you feel something for them. So share it and there's many ways of sharing it and I think also when you just support people even when they least expect it because everyone wants to do things their way. So it's about giving up, giving up yourself for somebody else. We all have a blueprint and a story of an image of how things should be. We shouldn't have that. We should just go with what's there and what's given for us and make it work especially within our families. Okay. I have a question from Ghadir and she asks what can one do if they feel that their home is not peaceful and a comfortable environment? Again, we want to know what do they mean by peaceful and what's causing it not to be peaceful and comfortable as well. Everyone has a different view and image and perspective on what their comforts may be. So I just know that to create a habit in our households, it starts without practice and practice of Islam, for example, having gone on in the background every morning, having a routine, you don't realize the blessings. There are certain sodas even that brings about blessing, barakah, and happiness in the home. If you listen to sort of a bakara, for example, and there's so many others. If every morning we had five minutes that we would listen in the background, instead of having the TV on, you have that in the background while you're preparing breakfast, while the kids are eating and that's a routine. You don't realize that it could be so enlightening. It can actually change someone's mood because that is being played in the background. So these things, these habits are psychological, yes, but the practice of Islam is the main thing. And then when you have the practice of Islam, not just just doing the five time Salah, but in between your Salah, how you treat people, how you talk and the other extras that you do are on top of your Salah where you're actually gonna be listening to Quran more, where you're gonna be actually avoiding even haram in the house, like maybe listening to songs, for example. You know, the angels don't visit. So that can maybe cause more exactly tension. It can accelerate things which will probably not necessarily accelerate it. For example, you have something peaceful. So these things are really important to create comfort because you don't need to know what comfort do I need? People say, well, it's comforting to listen to classical music. Fair enough, that can be for certain times, but at the end of the day, what is your ultimate reason, meaning and purpose for being here? And if you wanna create real peace, real solace in your household, then these are the things that you need to do. And, you know, making a habit of reading a page of Quran every day, reading Surah Yaseen, you know, listening to Quran as much as you can. When you walk out the door, when you entering the house, say Bismillah, say Assalamu Alaikum, you know, say, you know, a Surah, which is even short before you enter so that even that pressure from outside does not enter in with you. And when you're leaving, you're leaving with peace and you're coming with peace, all these little habits are so important. And, you know, our religion has so much of that. We just don't practice it and we forget. And if you make that as a habit, it doesn't mean it's in your household. It's with every step that you take wherever you go. You'll have that peace. And comfort. Insha'Allah. I have a question from Ali and he says, how can one approach family members after having constant arguments and after the arguments diffuse, how do you diffuse that situation? You know, again, like I said, it's about giving up. A lot of us, we have egos and we want to be right and we want to say things because it's our point of view. But when someone even hurts you, we can hurt them back or we have a choice to understand why they're behaving and being in that way. So we need to be like people of real sort of like empathy where we have to understand why did they come to that point where there has to be an argument, what created it. And listen. Listen with understanding and meaning, not listening to sort of counteract or confront. You know, a lot of the times we want to counter people because we want to come across the one with the loudest voice and the one with the best way of saying it so that we push the other person down and having the last word. So yes, we're going to have disagreements. We're going to have arguments. There's going to be differences of opinions even if a family has been brought up with the same values and beliefs. We have a different way of looking at it and taking it upon ourselves through our own personal experiences, what we face in our days, even if we're going to school, we have different ways of experiencing things and we bring that back and we look at things differently. So we need to have understanding of how the other person thinks. And yes, it's difficult. You're not a psychologist, but you have family meetings. You air things out. You give each one a chance to speak. We need to come into today's day and not just do things the old way, even in this Imam Ali alaihi salam race, don't raise your kids as you were raised. Be more open with your children. Let them have the voice. Let them, you know, make yourself hear them. You know, make them be part of that family in your decision making, in whatever it is that you're doing and saying and speaking instead of just dictating to them. And that could bring that connection. That could even diffuse arguments because each one has a say. I mean, I'm only talking generally because I'm not sure the exact scenario of arguments or whatever. I'm just making it very general. Obviously, there'll be different, you know, habits that we need to create and different ways of dealing with it, but I'm just making it very general, you know, in my mind as to what it could be. So, but I think it's a lot about, you know, being understanding towards the other person and really instead of taking things personal, step outside yourself and analyze it from a different point of view. And I think that could bring any sort of argument and any sort of like, you know, disagreement to a halt where, you know, even the other person might say, well, actually she's, or he's actually listening to me. And when they're being heard, when they're being understood, even if it's not being agreed, that alone brings that tone to a different level where they can actually be maybe conversation and they can actually be better conversations in the future because you have to have respect. And I think a lot of households, they lose respect for one another because they're so familiar with each other. But you have to constantly remind yourself, there's respect for the older, there's respect for the younger, there's respect for each other as partners, there's respect for each other. You know, we each of us have our rights, you know, children have their rights, wives, husbands, male, female, we need to remember that and we need to go over that knowledge, we need to build it and we need to instill it in our habits so that when we are faced with these challenges of arguments of, you know, sort of, I don't know, emotional sort of, you know, lack of emotions or whatever it may be that all of these things are in put in place, am I being respectful? Am I being understanding? Am I being empathetic? Am I actually listening? You know, all of these things, am I showing compassion? What is compassion to me? To somebody else could mean something totally different. So you need to seek that sort of knowledge and advice, go outside and develop yourselves that you have these insights that you can explore and you can relay and relate to the rest of your family members. Thank you so much, Fahima. I just wanted to pick up something you said in answering this question. You mentioned something about family meetings and I'm a strong believer in actually having family meetings and I just feel like it's actually very, very healthy for a family to sit around a table and have that meeting, especially in situations like this, where everyone can air out their opinions, what they feel about certain situations, what they feel about one another and it's an inner environment which is a safe environment for everything. So you can say what you feel without being judged or attacked. I think a lot of families should... That's a very good habit to create. Take that as a habit and it's creating that, maybe even once a month. I think it needs to be regular. Is it a week or anything? No, I totally agree. But every now and then, I think it's very, very healthy for a family to sit together and have that family meeting and you just mentioned that. It's true and the thing is like you just also said, which I picked up on having it regular because things change and when things are not spoken about, even if it means husband and wife having it between themselves and then going and including the children at a later stage, so they're on the same team and on the same page because that's when the respect will be there because you don't want to be arguing or having differences of opinions in front of your children because they're going to be confused if you are confused in that way. And when it's called a family meeting, so it's under that umbrella or a family meeting. So like I said earlier, like you're in a safe kind of space, so when you tell your husband something and your husband tells the wife something, the opposite, our party wouldn't feel attacked or should not feel attacked. It's just your opinion and how you feel. And I think that's a very healthy place to be in. Definitely. And in that way, you're creating values and beliefs within your household system and that can be shared with your children but it has to be consistent. It has to be constant whether like you said every fortnight, every month because things are happening all the time, things are changing, the children are developing, you're going through your own experiences so that they could be an understanding that, oh, but you know, I had a meeting that day so that's why I couldn't do it and you know, or I couldn't make your appointment and I couldn't come to your football game and it's not going to be embedded in that child that oh, my mom and dad, they don't care about me because you know, we create these stories in our minds because we're not actually being told, we're not actually being explained. Wow, yeah. And you know, these, and then it sort of like escalates and it creates even bigger problems. So these are very healthy habits to have in the household. Insha'Allah, insha'Allah. But that's the aim of the show is to implant healthier habits. Definitely. In everyone's home, insha'Allah. So I have one last question from Esan and he asks, what can one do if they feel that they can anticipate an argument about to start? How do they avoid that? Okay, well physically you can remove those two people from the same room. Yeah. But at the same time, on a serious note, if you have that connection with them, then you know, you talk to them separately and maybe talk also to each other on the other side of things, like you know, to say, well, actually I've spoken to that person and this is what it really is and you know, and then do the same. So you sort of diffusing any fire that's you know, being created so that you know, you can be the mediator for that. If say you have like, you know, siblings and there's an argument and you know, we might look at it as something trivial, but when you get older, those arguments between siblings, especially when they're older, can be very, very like, you know, destructive and they can be very serious and they can cause a lot of like, rift for the rest of the family and it can be very awkward in a lot of, you know, occasions. So when you know that things are building up, when you know that there's something there, you can intervene and you can diffuse and you can put the fire out, you know, by understanding each person's point of view, by actually, you know, talking to each other and then bringing them together and you actually being present so that there is someone there who is going to be fair because sometimes when two people are very heated and they come together, it's all about them trying to just put their point across. But then you, if you have the skill of saying, well, I can understand where she's coming from. Can you see that? You know, like being the coach for example, you know, and in a coaching environment, when I do relationship coaching and I do couples coaching, it is, it can be where it's two people, you know, that have these sort of conflicts and you know, I will sit there and I will give them a chance to speak and also give them a chance to reflect what the other person is saying so that they actually understand it because we give ourselves that own way of thinking and meaning, which is totally wrong and it just escalates what we're feeling inside when it should actually be diffusing it. So when I do couples coaching, it's very important that the other person listens and reflects what the other person's saying so that they have an understanding and when you're in that process of reflecting what the other person is saying, even if it's like she said this to me and then the other person's like, yeah, she's saying that I said that to her, that few seconds of actually repeating what the other person has said makes them think, makes them reflect, makes them go back and actually think actually I did say it like that, I did mean it like that, I didn't actually mean it like that but it became a trust and that's how it sounded. I can understand where she's coming from. So I think in this sort of situation, if you have the skill or you gain the skills of being in a coaching sort of situation where you can actually mediate in that very clever technique and have a strategy, then it can be so amazing and powerful that you could diffuse things and you can make people love each other again and be together again and think that actually what we do normally is just have our own feelings, we keep it within ourselves, we wanna stay away from families and for years and months we can go through this and it's so damaging and it's so sad, especially when there's occasions and there's children involved and they don't get to see each other for so long and it's really a sad situation when it can really be diffused and people do need to sit down and talk, people need to step down from even their egos, people need to also take responsibility for other people being that way because of how they are. So there's a lot of tools that I have in these sort of individual cases and I hope that I've highlighted a few so that people can take it upon themselves to educate, learn, develop and grow so that they can be better, not just for themselves but especially to the rest of their family members. Okay, thank you so much, Mahima. We're coming towards the end of a show unfortunately so we can't answer any more questions for today but inshallah the questions that we have answered have been helpful to everyone watching and once again, Mahima, thank you so much for being here and it's been a pleasure listening to you and gaining so much, so much knowledge. Alhamdulillah, Shukr that we have someone like you on this channel and we're coming towards the end of the show for today and inshallah we'll be back again with some more topics with Mahima. Mahima. If you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode, please contact your local GP or Fahima Muhammad on coachfm1athotmail.com.