 Yes, welcome back. Welcome back. This is still why in the morning. Thank you for staying with us if you're just joining Well, you're on time for the fast conversation of the day on strength of a woman and today We have a special conversation being the mental awareness month. We want to talk about Dealing with disappointment. How exactly should we go about dealing with? Such situations and for this we are joined by a counselor professional counselor and who's also a teacher She has called Zepora Wanyeki, Karibu Zepora. Yes, Santisanna, how are you? I'm good. Glad to have you again with us. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, so now you are a resident guest. Yes, sure, sure. So we want to talk about dealing with disappointment, but first we want to understand disappointment. What is disappointment and what forms does it come, you know, in form of what forms are there? Thank you so much. It's it's good that this topic has come in handy after we were done with the elections campaigns and now we're in a new government Talking of disappointment. I'll start by telling you that I know at one given time you've ever been disappointed A lot. As long as you're living under the sun you have been disappointed. So what is this we are calling disappointment? It is purely that emotion. We classify it as an emotion when we are teaching about types of emotion Disappointment is an emotion and when does it crop in? It comes when you do not meet your expectation So it comes in the form of sadness. You are very sad. You're very unhappy. You feel Frustrated you feel like you want to you know, you want to kill someone you want to do something nasty because you haven't made your Expectation so when you are your expectation does not meet the outcome. It does not match the outcome Definitely, we say you are a disappointed person and you wouldn't wish to see a disappointed person They come in all forms and talking of disappointment. I know you being a lady We we get disappointed every other now and then you've been to a tailor Munas Mamiya Lucy you've taken your fabric and all tailors by nature. They'll tell you I'm going to make you a very nice Outfit you know money shine on me. Yeah, I know how to make it come tomorrow in the afternoon You'll see it on the material day you go either. He has closed all if he's there is now that he's when they see you They start getting the fabric and trying to cut it and pretending to look busy And I know somebody who never used the art as they had bought for the wedding because you you get disappointed It can be anything picture someone who has if you have the little young ones and it's their birthday They keep on reminding you every single day, ma'am from my birthday I want Sophia the first cake and you go and you ask the big and they say nobody will ever tell you They don't know they even have photos of what they can make on the material day you go to collect the cake I know you've seen those days trending of what you asked for That's what you got You get disappointed so disappointment is all over we're talking about campaigns They have just ended the other day So we're going to come and look at the forms of disappointment that they are there and you'll notice that people are disappointed in this country quite Some people deal with this okay before we get to even dealing with disappointment. What does Disappointment that therefore leads to mm-hmm. Oh, yeah It might come and lead to other things because we are talking about the month of mental health awareness I'll come and tell you that when you're disappointed and you are not able to deal with it because we say life is 1% What happens to you and a 99% how you react how you react to it? so it's all about how have you been able to react to the disappointment and The other time we had a show here. I told you that The brain the way our brain is wired through the neurotransmitters the same nerve that receives pain when you are cut Is the same same nerve that receives emotional pain when you get break up that is why it a manifesting crying Manifesting you you know blowing your nose shedding tears feeling angry all those things because you are The same nerve that would have been cut would have received that pain is the same same now So you will cry so it will lead to many other things because one of them is depression One of them is depression. So can we look at the form so that I tell you how they lead to depression think about Something like marriage for example, okay before we come to marriage start with the relationship Relationship where by a boy and a girl are they are Very happy and you know, there's this car feeling like you are the only people in the universe You are in love and nobody else in these world is in love. You like this person, you know, they call you every other No, I'm then asking you nothing. Whatever you're talking is nothing Blinking I mean seriously who does it? So then after some time two weeks to marriage You notice that this guy has a family so there's no way that wedding is going to happen This person has a serious breakup No, that is serious disappointment. You are disappointed because you trusted this person too too much You do not do your mother much. It's very well. So that's a form of disappointment Hi, you've crossed there. You've come to marriage Another serious form of disappointment Stephanie on your wedding day. It's I actually call it drama The bridegroom nobody cares the bride you enter you're in white from the hair from the shoes from You are white and everybody Bibi arusi Mesa Bibi arusi Everything is about Bibi arusi. He's standing there. You're walking down the aisle and everybody's standing Can we all stand and clap the baby arusi is coming the bride is coming You think that you're going to get that attention for the rest of your life shock on you In the evening that is when the drama ends you go to honeymoon you come back and you I I was telling another group that I mean They're project driven. So you are a project. They have accomplished. So they go to the next project Of course, you go to the you done with this now move to the next project. They're building or they're doing something else So these girl thinks that she's going to be the project forever She realizes her this man can even come late. Ah Today I received a slap. Ah, I called and he hasn't even answered you realize that ah marriage is a scam That's what I hear people say You're not getting their expectation. He doesn't match up to your standard It used to be very careful in the way they were treating you and calling you today You're not receiving maybe one call if you're lucky or not at all per day. You become very disappointed You wonder is this what I bargained for is this what I was looking for you Warrant used to be commanded here and there now there you have to borrow permission ask for permission However, you're going what so that's another form of disappointment. That is in marriage and When we are teaching people about marriage counseling, we tell them The greatest course of marriage Breakup and divorce is actually and met expectation. It's not cheating Yeah, so the disappointment. Oh, yes, it's not cheating. It is not what it is not what it is and met expectation When you go to these people and you expecting this is what is going to happen and you find that is not what is happening You feel you feel short changed Yeah, so that is one of the main courses of divorce if you go doing your research very well. So that is in marriage you can't work Everybody would want to climb up there the famous interview question Where do you see yourself in five years time? You tell them I see myself as the CEO of this company five years You've not even moved from one department to the next you're still in the same department And you've been working hard You come very early in the morning. You live very late As if that is not enough a fresh graduate comes from I don't know where and she's promoted You're so disappointed. You feel like what you're giving to the organization. They are not giving it back to you That's a form of disappointment that happens and it is common Another one common is in school that one everybody can relate In school There's this topic The whole night the whole time you even tell everyone chemistry is your best subject You've crammed all the the the chemical symbols and you know them offered On the morning ready of the exam not a single question comes from what you've been studying They bring questions from all the other topics except what you've studied You fail so you used to be a bookworm and everybody knew in class you wake up at 4 To go and study while the others are sleeping You don't go for functions funkies music festivals and what because you're studying and then you hammer a D That's a disappointment and a serious one And if you're not taught how to deal with disappointment it can end up being Too nasty. So talk about campaign that I've just ended Actually people are disappointed in Kenya I met someone who told me this is how people feel then I know I'm feeling because out of the six candidates president The governor the senator the what all the people that I voted for they failed Not even one Was very disappointed. So maybe you are there you you you are the the you are vying for an ncc And while you are vying for it, you've sold your cows even your clan has helped you and you've promised them I'll buy for you. I'll do this and this you've taken some bank loans and what not because you're very sure When you go to the ground and you ask people they tell you You know, I mean, I don't know why Kenyans were never frank with people you even found people with t-shirts Printed your your your picture on it and with your name now You start attending my tanga you start attending all those things And while you're there you you're using money everybody who smiles at you some money is not for free And they're singing for you On the material day you go there you realize that only a handful voted for you probably your wife and a few sympathizers there All the others they knew who was their favorite candidate. So you have failed you feel totally Disappointed and it comes with other illnesses. You find that this person is not even eating Not talking to people not doing what you do not want anything you feel depressed That's a form of disappointment the campaigns and so many other things that we could we can talk about in life That are forms of disappointing but those are mainly the ones that really affect the our Yes, and is it uh, you've said it's something uh, that We cannot evade you can't evade disappointment as long as actually there's a famous quote that says if you want to avoid Disappointment avoid expecting too much from people Do not expect anything from anyone that way you'll not be disappointed and is it possible to not expect of course not Who doesn't expect who doesn't have expectations? Yeah, because we need to be hopeful about There's no way you will avoid disappointment the only way you can do is start practicing what you call self love Love yourself too much ask yourself What i'm facing right now will it matter in two years to come? If not wake up dust yourself and move on You you've heard of people who've tried to avoid for presidency for many years in us And they got it as the last minute thing they didn't give up So ask yourself is it worth to pursue it or should I now move to a different opportunity career path or something like that But don't die while you're there Okay So we have agreed that disappointment. It's there in life. Oh yeah, it is and it is very common But when is disappoint when we know people face different types of disappointment answer people have it Harder than others. So when is enough really enough enough enough? Yeah It becomes enough Okay, how we can look at you and say that so and so is disappointed and so and so it has taken at all on this person You notice, uh, it is uh, it is a feeling. It's an emotion. You're feeling overwhelmed. You're very sad Things didn't go your way. I want you to think of someone You you you've been living abroad. You've been sending money here so that they can build your house You know that is common. We've had those stories. You send money. They tell you now. We are doing the roofing How much 100,000 you send now? We are doing. I don't know that what you send on the material day When you come you realize there was no such a house being built Is it a picture? You plot remains bare you so disappointed. How do we know that it has taken toll on you when you're very frustrated? You're constantly sad Sadness is the way as he explained you you feel nothing excite you not a movie not what you're very very sad It comes with serious terrible mood swings A disappointed person has serious mood swings And and when you try to talk to them they they answer you back Back on the show. Ah And it's very it's very common nowadays That's why I advise people when you go and you're talking to someone this person answers you rudely or You know answers you back in a way that you didn't expect Please do not now start holding grudges. You will look funny Because you do not know what is eating this person up dust yourself and move on You'll come back when this person's the moods are a bit approachable. You get it So it comes with the terrible mood swings How else do you know that this person is disappointed the signs to look for look for anger this person is angry angry aggression One day we'll talk about the defense mechanism that people have how you deal with your issues There is a way it portrays one of the defense mechanism is projection You project your anger to people You both anger do you feel frustrated you come home you frustrate your wife The wife is frustrated Empties that on the child the child is frustrated Empties that on the cut. So the cut is bearing she does That we call it projection you're projecting your feelings and you emotion to another person you get it So this person is angry very aggressive So in Nairobi as you're moving the streets of Nairobi if someone Steps on you and does not even apologize. Don't bother. Just know they're dealing with their own issues So when you go and you meet someone in an office and does not feel like talking to you Just know they're dealing with their own issues. You are not the problem So it comes with that kind of anger another way is feeling lonely. This person feels lonely alone Right now you are being called All over You feel like you're so lonely. You do not want to move to people You do not want to talk to people you've been dumped by a boyfriend two weeks before the wedding You wonder I had told everybody even my grandmother in the village They have even organized a lot of vehicle that would be ferrying them to Nairobi for my wedding Now there's no wedding. Where do I start? You feel very lonely. So these people keep to themselves They cry a lot If they're able to cry, which is still okay They're trying to enter there. They're their frustrations and their disappointment other than that you would find that They get depressed And why we are here is because we would want to help people so that they avoid Disappointment getting them to depression a simple definition of depression is a feeling of hopelessness Because you've been stressed for too long You've tried to remain very firm. You've tried to remain very strong But now it has reached everybody if you stretch someone Everybody has a limit up to what up to what level can you Stretch this person. So we have stretched you. Life has stretched you. You've done everything I know someone who is right now In the hospital and may god help that person because Ali fail in this election thing You had hoped everything was working very well. Everything was working very well at the mca People were telling you you are the one all of sudden you realize you are not the one So you you are not able to deal with that. So this person if not well monitored can lead to depression That state of hopelessness that state of feeling you're not worth you have no energy. That's another sign You have no energy to do anything even to wake up even You don't eat Nothing excites you because a depressed person when we're talking of there's there are many forms of depression But talking of clinical depression one of the characteristics of this person is that they are forever sad Nothing excites them. Not their favorite movie. Not their favorite food. They're just there. They're sad They don't have emotions with them They just they are we don't want to open up or nothing can excite that person. Yes, they feel hopeless They feel like and most of them they have suicidal thoughts Is this other stages now to depression to disappointment because you have said it leads to now depression Other different stages that people should look out for you know, you can be disappointed But let it not get to the stage to that stage Most people do not know how far is too far Unless they are being helped probably by a therapist a therapist sitting with you and listening to your 10 minutes talk Will be able to know This person is at this level of dealing with stress. So too much stress leads to depression Now when you know that you need a therapist or you need to work on your disappointment because people get disappointed Our football man news g chess news g arsenal. No, no, no, you dust your you seven you move on But when you find that you are now not able to go back to your work You're not able to do your daily routines You're not able to relate well with people because another characteristic of depression it cuts you off from people You become a loner you stay alone So when you realize that you're no longer enjoying people's company You're no longer eating as you're supposed to you're no longer sleeping because those are the symptoms of depression Either you're sleeping too much Or you're not sleeping at all You you have what you call insomnia Abnormal habits in sleeping and no more you you're supposed to sleep You're tired you sleep. So the moment you go to bed and you're not sleeping something is disturbing you And now if that is constant it only worsens your depression state So when you start noticing that you're being cut off you are not eating well You're not doing your daily routine a depressed person will even refuse to bathe The normal things that these people do now by the time it is coming to become psychosis It has moved to stages before when I'm to a meokota karatasi koko barabara who hijans up So it starts all it starts and and in a small way in a small way So it is all about you and me to observe the people that we have around us And you know so and so of late is not doing very well. I wonder why he's not jovial I wonder why this person is keeping to themselves. I wonder why they are not happy I wonder why when you are able to engage these people you can help them But the moment it crocks and now it goes to serious clinical depression Now that that is when we take this person to a clinical psychologist so that you now put on medication Yeah, so we can manage you before you I mean a counselor can manage you before you go to the extreme end of medication because now when you're on medication You can imagine where you are you almost towards the end and most people it's it's a it's a slow way of death You'll die slowly when you start when you stop eating When you stop relating to people when you stop sleeping. Well, those are sure ways of dying Yeah, all right, and where's the place of frustration or is it interchangeably used with Disappointment Not necessarily if you go and check your dictionary, they might try to use that one interchangeably but not Disappointment is an emotion Frustration is like the the the outcome of it When you hear someone say I'm very frustrated You ask why so and so did this to me. So as a result of your frustrations when you pile them you become very disappointed Very disappointed. So frustration is one term that you can try to interchangeably use it But doesn't necessarily mean disappointment Yeah, you can be frustrated because something has not worked your way, but that doesn't mean that you're that disappointed Disappointment now comes in when you have piled all those things the final end does not match The effort you had put in the beginning when you don't get your goal picture this you want to build a house You call the fundi and it is yeah, I know I can't even try to draw the house You want and it is your pension that you're talking about after years of working here You want a retirement home the fundi's draw for you the house the house and then And then when you go there You look at the house and the amount of money that you have invested in that house You wonder where did I go wrong? What is happening to me? This doesn't look anything close to what I asked for it just looks there Nothing appealing at all. You are very disappointed. Yeah, it does not match your expectation So causes of disappointment that number one will be able to look at is animate expectation Actually, that is number one cause the main course of disappointment in this world Is animate expectation? Don't take it for granted when your expectations are not met even when cooking food you've heard of people talk of mashakura Imagine you have this wedding you have an event you've been invited or all your special guests there and um A chef comes in and tells you I'm going to do this event I have my company have a catering Our company I'm going to do this and the fully they present to you you look at it. You close your eyes It does not look anything close to what you asked for You are very Disappointed why they did not meet your expectation And if you go around looking around even the people that are disappointed right now in marriage In a relationship in their workplace in their careers everywhere. It is animate expectation. That is number one The expectation was up there and what they got was down here I I saw something on social media about these online things that we buy so someone so a very nice Sofa sofa set online a coach and asked for it and was told actually could not wonder wondered Only 5000 I am getting this one. I think it's on offer After three days, whatever he asked for was was was was brought and guess what it was in a small container It was a twice sofa So what had he expected you are seeing new by angle. I'm doing a total reform of my house But what have you got and something that was delivered in a box You get it. So your expectation versus what you get lower your expectation So that is number one course Number two overconfidence Okay, overconfidence is actually number one recipe number two recipe for disaster When you're overconfident picture this person because overconfident people, maybe we can call them vibele mele They don't believe that there's anything else left to learn They think their mister enemies is no at all. They have learned everything. They don't have a teachable spirit So this person believes now I know everything You approach the exam. You're a student with this overconfidence of yours Where they had said which one of the following is not you did not see the word not You just see which one of the following and you answer because you had all the points ready. You are downloading You know those people who used to download the moa kenya and they go and write everything You're very confident on the on the on the results day You realize that you have mad addy and you want another video mele mele some mele statistics Statistics What happened you read your questions your own way? So overconfidence in anything even in politics Do not you know You are supposed to leave a room somewhere So that people can correct you But when people notice that you are not teachable if they cannot tell you anything you're overconfident You are up there. You will be disappointed and you'll be alone. Okay. So that is another course of disappointment. What is the other one? Talk about over trusting There are people even in marriage setup who over trust their spouses. I am not saying trusting is bad. Trusting is good It is good to trust Over trusting is not whereby you you you put this person if it's a husband You put him in a cocoon and you believe that He can't do I mean he he lives in heaven. Who are not okay? And then even he goes back to heaven Leave a room for disappointment Create a room knowing that is a human being and human is to error. So he can error even himself So do not over trust and these are the kind of people When they are told I I saw babasua and so in someone this is something. Oh, no Him no you over protect him We have had all manner of cases and one of them being Someone who left the husband to the husband. I'm going abroad for a business trip The husband drops the lady to jki Then after some time the husband receives a call that We have identified the body of so and so I'm here. No my wife left But you are left in jki Couldn't there was no abroad that this lady was going she was just around immediately She was dropped then the other guy picks and they go for a road drive. Are you getting it? So when you have over trusted somebody you believe this person cannot do that This person cannot do that. Those are the people who never come as ishi. You look at the person Who is now the immediate friend probably maybe the husband at always elia Because you this person has broken your trust so do not over trust anyone You can trust but don't trust people but do not over trust them. Okay, leave a room for breakup Leave a room for doubt doubt someone where actually enough us here in case of anything what would happen So even your own children I have seen you know me. I mean the education sector So I've seen all those parents because children have a way of playing a double personality They can be very nice to you at home And very bad very different when they come to school So when you report these personas because it is I know No Where until that day you'll come I try telling one one person about Drugs I don't know. I have a feeling this child could be in drugs She later confirmed that indeed the sun was in there into drugs. So what are we trying to say do not over trust In management there's something they call management by working around You walk around and see what people are doing. Don't just delegate Walk around and see what you delegated. Are they doing it? Otherwise if you sit there and you wait for result you might be you might be very disappointed in life So over trusting we can talk about lack of mentors In Kenya and in the world today If you want to go for have a mentor Have someone who mentors you They have gone through what you are about to go through They have gone ahead of you. They have experience don't be fooled by someone that experience is the best teacher Not all the time You do not wait for you to get HIV and AIDS so that you can now tell people where HIV hiv nimbaya So you can be able to learn from people who have already gotten it and you can be able to avoid it So when you have a mentor, probably maybe it's in a business setup You have a mentor this person will tell you no you want to go to gikomba. This is the way not this one This is what we do it So that is a solution to dealing with Disappointment having it could be a solution and a lack of mentor is a cost Of a disappointment. Yes. It's a cost when you don't have a mentor You will start hustling your own way You will incur so many losses Because you you you didn't know you are you are doing what you call try an error method But if you have a mentor at akwambia, you want to join business. This is what we do I tried this a didn't work. So probably can we try this can you do this? You already have a guideline on what to do Most people have held in in in life even in marriage even in what in whatever spheres of life Because they did not have mentors So they end up very disappointed Only if they had identified a mentor would have sorted all these things because you would know Think of these upcoming musicians, for example Or even artist or even anyone that is upcoming If you don't have a mentor, what are you likely to do? You'll do the same mistakes people did and they dried and that was it. They were long forgotten But if you have a mentor you you and dying doesn't mean necessarily literally dying you can die in your career I know there are musicians used to hear but you no longer hear them today They committed a certain mistake and that was the end of their career So when you have mentors they save you a lot of years of agony You are able to years of disappointment They save you a lot of disappointment Even in football we have mentors we have coaches They are there and they are able to guide you they are able to guide you and when you appear before a coach Just do things as they tell you a mentor knows it So yeah, just follow what they are saying observe of course with an open mind And when you follow that it will save you disappointment Okay, and now before we get to how exactly to deal with them Does it affect people The same way different ages because I'm thinking of a child Does it affect a child the same way it affects An older person disappointment is disappointment and disappointment is an emotion emotion and Matters to do with the psychology matters to do with the mental health matters to do with the feelings There's no difference between an adult in a child How it affects a child is the way it affects an adult The fact that for example think about a child This child who is trying to pile the the the the the blocks and they are not working You're trying to arrange your vehicle to fix that that catholic and it's not it's very frustrated because of that And finally they crying talking about cbc cbc every other day. They come with something Oh, we were told to make a marionette now today. We are making a perpet tomorrow We are making these the other day. We make a scarecrow. You get it. Yes Every single day they are making different things. So you've you've told this Nairobi child to go and make a perpet a marionette They have not seen it elsewhere as scarecrow. They don't even have a shamba. They're living in the city So they're trying to you know fix things that they are not working. They're very frustrated. They cry If you don't chip in as a parent this child is very disappointed So disappointment in children. So the only difference is What disappoints a child is not what disappoints an adult but the feeling is the same So as a child what you are disappointed when maybe when your child is they didn't hold a birthday for you Or maybe they they denied you permission to go and play carongo rongo and you felt very bad That was a form of disappointment. Well, you came to adolescent. You are disappointed because probably they did not get you the outfit you wanted Then you become an adult you are dating you're disappointed because your boyfriend, you know do this Then you go to marriage. You're disappointed because you go to career. So there are different levels and different Stimulus even they call them but the feeling is the same How this child will feel disappointed is how the old man feels disappointed So now how do we deal with disappointment? How do we deal with disappointed? Thank you. Number one lower your expectation If possible have none from people What you could say dear Growly to god if they do not please just let it be like that It's okay to have expectation but it is okay to have them but manage them to the their minimum Let them be just down there. Don't expect too much from people Personally, I'm a church person. So I've seen people in different churches and and maybe they were hoping that um People will come in during my event Maybe you lost your your close relative and people do not come in as you would expect And you hear people say you can't sit or you can't get in Why your expectations were not met lower your expectations just work hard Hard enough that you can be able to give a decent send off to someone We just maybe But don't expect to think of a wedding because I mean I'm not again a steno one by the way But think of this person who wants to do a flashy wedding because you want to spend 1 million in your wedding or 800 thousand And so you form a committee What's up group? What church were you the what junior you this jiva happy? I mean everybody is incorporated there in the whatsapp group. You want us to buy for you a wedding ring You want us to buy for you the suit the gown? We make your hair. We pay for food. We pay for nothing And then you think probably you know, if I'm expensive they have money. How much are they having? 10 000 out of the one immediate budget They have 10 000 too much expectation in people So they're expecting people to do what to cheap in 990,000 So someone comes in looks at it and I'm not to chase that away I mean how do you I mean you can go to the edge and you do your wedding there? You can just do a simple wedding the other day Someone who did a hundred about wedding and they are still wedding is wedding or marijuana What is important is the one marijuana. So I'm not telling people to do that. But what I'm saying is lower your expectation You will be very frustrated when you find that people have started lifting your group What when I left what when I left I'm on our pledge It is one week to the wedding and the budget is not even quarter we met You start wondering now. What do we do? We had booked a very expensive hotel. We had booked a limousine award We don't have the funds. So lower your expectation even in marriage Go there as a friend. Do not expect too much. Actually. I always advise couples Give what you would want to receive. You want to receive love. Give love You want to have a friend be a friend to that person. So do not go there expecting to receive That your expectation is what is going to ruin you if you only went there as a good wife I hear people calling them go to wife when I do a pop up go to wife You do your work. You do your what you will not be Disappointed. Okay. So that is number one. Number two. We said do not over trust Don't over trust people Leave a room where people can be able to you know You walk around and see what people are doing Get to know leave a room. Yeah. They live in heaven. So just know that you can be disappointed by someone Do not over trust people Even when you delegate Be part of it. Just go and see what you're doing. When somebody comes and tells you that your child is doing this At my child my daughter my one zero they were in my one zero Where it can kill you and and and I think We need to talk to our people today Don't make a mountain out of it because I think All the women are talking behind your back Child of god move on eat and go your business If you allow people I started by telling you life is 1% what happens to you and 99% how you react to it So how are you reacting to what you'll be hearing because people will come and frame you with all form of things by the way So how do you react to that? Your reaction matters mentor your mindset is everything your mindset is everything So how you react to it will tell us whether you'll be disappointed or not. So leave a room Do not over trust people We have talked about mentors make sure that you have a mentor and I do a mahali with yenda And I didn't mention earlier that another form of another course is lack of proper planning It will cause you disappointment serious ones when you don't plan There's a famous code that says that failure to plan is planning to fail. So when you don't plan, what are you expecting? Automatically the results will be negative. So you would be disappointed. So how do we help you now start planning? And planning comes in the form of I'm sure you've heard these people saying guy Me do you know me every other time I miss flight? I have to take the second flight and I pay double the amount you've had Why why is that the case? You only had a problem with planning plan ahead, you know, you you you are traveling plan ahead It will serve you a lot of disappointment. See you're not going to be able to cross corner to corner I mean it doesn't it doesn't sound very nice That you're being you're the one chairing a meeting and you appear there with your everything with your laptop You're great people and you're all sweaty You don't look composed. You will not deliver. So failure to plan is planning to fail plan ahead You know, you're going for an anniversary plan ahead You know today's our anniversary Oh babe, you didn't plan ahead. So you it was a recipe for disappointment that you're preparing You knew it all along and women are smarter when it comes to dates They they they know time and what so and so's birthday plan it way ahead You'd be disappointed We've talked about overconfidence Overconfident people we only tell them you are not mister and miss it. No at all Leave a room for learning Everybody can learn and anybody can teach you Behind every nasty experience. There's a very good lesson behind it. Even in that disappointment There's a lesson to learn from it. So take your time and learn Learn learn as much as you can from everything You are vying for a seat and you didn't get it What lessons go and write five lessons learned from this next time you'll be very smart Yeah, very interesting. And now um, I wanted to ask you something How important is it to You know deal with a disappointment because it's um, it can be easy to just overlook it And move on with life and not actually face what you you know, what you're dealing with Or is it okay to just overlook it and move on? No, you will not overlook it. You know why even when you pretend that you're okay You're still not okay It's not like a disappointment is not like a wound that you tell young lady You have to constantly work on it. You will be deliberately you have to take an action participate in you coming out of it Depending on what had cost you disappointment Uh, we can tell this one might take time to heal. This one is just I don't know whether I um We had done a show earlier that we were talking about dealing with loss because talking about disappointment You cannot separate disappointment and loss Disappointment and loss is one and the same Because when when you have lost something you are very disappointed And there's these uh, psychologists called uh, kubralos And he talked about the stages that people go through when they are facing loss and loss Stephanie does not have to be uh, uh death Only because when we talk of also and so is mourning is griefing you can grieve over many things Maybe you are having a position in your workplace and you are demoted That's loss you will grieve over it Maybe you had a business and you closed it down. It's a form of loss Maybe you are in a marriage and you separated all your divorce. It's a form of loss. Maybe you are expectant And uh, you lost the baby you miscarried. So that's a form of loss So maybe you are walking along the streets of Nairobi and somebody's uh, just took snatched yokei beti It's a form of loss. So loss can be made in many forms So dealing with loss number one we talk of uh, there's a stage I want to take you through Number one we talk about denial. That is the first stage when you have lost something you go into denial You deny you bring to it. So and so is dead. You say no way to go and edge on a journey He can call me this morning. No, it cannot happen. You deny After you realize that indeed You go to the next stage of anger. You're very angry Anger comes in many forms You're angry at the nurses in the hospital who do not save him You are angry at the ambulance that was not driven faster that you would have wanted. You are angry at everyone I mean you become very angry after you're done with your anger. You realize ah, it's not working. You start bargaining While you're bargaining, you start now giving reason. Oh if this happened This one would not have happened. This is when people start even having blame game I We failed in this test because you didn't do this Maybe it's a football it is because you are not scoring. Well, that is why it is because so and so do not do this So people blame you are bargaining. You're bargaining. It's a form of loss. It's a stage actually After you're done bargaining you go to uh, depression. Okay Depression is feeling empty You've lost you don't want anything You don't want to talk about it. You don't want people to call you Are you so untreated the other day someone who lost So this person feels very bad. It's a form of loss So after you're done with uh, depression if you're well helped you go to the last stage We call it acceptance So acceptance did now you've moved on if it is death You've decided now to fit into the shoes of the person who have died if it was a pastor You now fit in if it was the husband the wife comes all vice versa. So you've moved on Life now becomes no more to you. Those are the stages that people go through when your face You're faced with uh without equal loss. So your question. All right. I think you've you've Pretty much answered it. But now we want to wrap it up By you talking to someone who's going through a Form of disappointment currently they have a heavy heart And they're feeling frustrated And you know, they have lost focus in whatever they they're doing almost leading to depression What do you tell them as we close? I would tell them this number one It is no more. What you're feeling is very normal. It is no more to feel disappointed Unless you're a robot. It is no more to feel disappointed. But now what do you do? You dust off you wake up and you start moving on It is not as easy as we say it. But of course you can look for coping mechanism We always say number one eat well In all you're missing never miss your food unless you're fasting Don't miss your food Do not miss your sleep unless you've agreed that you are your first thing you sleep. So eat well I mean I have quality sleep Get some meditation some form of meditation it helps We call them in psychology some catharsis So catharsis are those things that you do so that you can preempt your emotion Someone who is good at music get the best music dance yourself off listen to the Some captivating movies comedy listen to them something that will bring your mood back Life is not over Until it is over. So how you react to these things matters a lot If you're feeling very much overwhelmed you see the therapist you see a counselor come to us We'll be able to walk you through the journey of loss because that is loss And probably we see that you've been able to accept and to move on Ask yourself. Whatever morning right now, we let matter into a year's time If not actually we let matter in any year's time because right now Sister Things are going on as normal Why life must move on So will this thing that is making you disappointed matter in two weeks time in one man in one year in two years time If not dust yourself off and move on life is too much There's too much to life that you can limit yourself to only one dimension I've seen people they do not don't have one skill have many skills today If you're not a presenter here We end up shall go lima mboga lima mboga was here what Farming is paying if you're not farming composer song do something you can be a script writer You can be a poem writer. You can I mean there are many things that you can do There are many things that you can do so If option a does not work move to option b if this one is not working go to c and b You have not exhausted at them all when we were in primary school I used to hear people say Men are not like the disciples of jesus There are many So do not limit yourself to only one option especially these young girls that are dating olive and young men And you feel like I can imagine now my word has come to an end. I mean it's not over There so you only tested one option go to the other one and the other one and the other one It's not possible that all of them will dump you unless you are the problem. Okay That's a good place to end it and thank you very much for where can people get you on your social if they want to Wish you this is a camera. Thank you. Uh, I have a youtube channel Zipora one yeki you can just go there and subscribe you'll get more materials on facebook ZP one yeki The other time we got numerals calls numerals post we've been able to help people online by the way Yeah, your show is being watched a lot. I have several people that I am canceling courtesy of this show Other than that At twitter I am one yeki one Zipora. So you can reach me there. Amazing Thank you very much Zipora for what you're doing and the impact you're having in the society Thank you for helping people with mental awareness, especially being a mental awareness monthly We allow you to say something on mental awareness and speaking against suicide having that some days back on Saturday It was a suicide prevention day as we finally come to a close on this. Okay. Thank you Uh, we want to one sensitize our people and all our viewers that mental awareness Mental health is basically your mental wellness Spiritually your well Physically your well Economically Financially in all spheres of life. You're doing very well. So we want to let you know that it is not wazimu You know people think you're seeing a counselor because Una cheesy. That's what people think is not about that. It is all about being the wellness the total wellness around you. So Committing suicide is actually not a solution to your problems It is only a beginning of another problem because think about this person who commits suicide You've left your people morning. You've left them with the cases to answer with what? With with bills the hospital the mortuary the barrier bills Another person becomes depressed from your case now if they decide to also follow suit It means now in future your generation will be over So committing suicide is not should be far from any person as long as you can see a therapist as long as I mean Talk out your issues Mental health is all about speaking. It is a problem spoken shared is halfway solved We may not come in with all the solutions because by the end of the day the solutions lies within you But we help you navigate your problems your issues in life So mental health is very important. It is good that we keep on checking ourselves And even the friends that are around us check how well they are doing You notice this friend who used to be outgoing and is no longer outgoing Please find out reach out to these people. You never know. Sometimes I had a story of someone who was found dead in the house Four days later. So does it mean this person didn't have a close friend? So let us try to reach out to people Let us try to encourage and when you find someone who's struggling with that refer them to churches in churches They are counselors pastors can also assist in that area. And when they notice that this case requires a counselor They will give them to us. Okay amazing. Thank you very much Zipporo once again. You're welcome That has been Zipporo and Niki our counselor talking to us about dealing with disappointment how to go about it I'm sure you've taken something from it Life is 99% of how you react to the problems that you face and being a mental Awareness month make sure that you check on your friends reach out to that one friend who has changed their habits And just to make sure that they are doing well This has been strength of a woman more is coming your way So stick with us because Val is coming with wcw. We take a short break. We'll be right back