 section 18 of the light that failed this is a library walks recording all library walks recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit library walks dot org recording by Zurnaz the light that failed by Rudyard Kipling chapter 13 part 1 the Sun went down an hour ago I wonder if I face towards home if I lost my way in the light of day how shall I find it now night is come from old song Maisie come to bed it's so hot I can't sleep don't worry Maisie put her elbows on the windowsill and looked at the moon light on the straight poplar flanked road summer had come upon which she Sir Marne and parsed it to the bone the cross was dry burned in the meadows the clay by the bank of the river was caked to brick the roadside flowers were long since dead and the roses in the garden hung wizard on their stocks the heat in the little low bed room under the ease was almost intolerable the very moon light on the wall of Kami's studio across the road seem to make the night hotter and the shadow of the big bell handle by the closed gate cast a bar of inky black that caught Maisie's eye and annoyed her her thing it should be all white she murmured and the gate isn't in the middle of the wall either I've never noticed that before Maisie was hard to please at that hour first the heat of the past few weeks had worn her down secondly her work and particularly the study of a female head intended to represent the melancholy and not finished in time for the salon was unsatisfactory thirdly Kami has said as much two days before fourthly but so completely fourthly that it was hardly worth thinking about dick her property had not returned to her for more than six weeks she was angry with the heat with Kami and with her work but she was exceedingly angry with dick she had returned to him three times each time proposing a fresh treatment for her melancholy dick had taken no notice of these communications she had resolved to write no more when she returned to England in the autumn for her pride's sake she could not return earlier she would speak to him she missed the Sunday afternoon conferences more than she cared to admit all that Kami said was continuous mademoiselle continuous to yours and he had been repeating the very some council through the hot summer exactly like a Chicago an old gray Chicago in a black alpaca coat white trousers and a huge felt hat but dick had tramped masterfully up and down her little studio north of the cool green London Park and had said things 10 times worse than continuous before he snatched the brush out of her hand and showed her where the error lay his last letter major member contains some trivial advice about not a sketching in the Sun or drinking water at wayside farmhouses and he had said that not once but three times as if he did not know that Maisie could take care of herself but what was he doing that he could not trouble to write a murmur of voices in the road made her lean from the window a cavalryman of the little garrison in the town was talking to Kami's cook the moonlight glittered on the scabbard of his sabre which he was holding in his hand lest it should clank in a portion Lee the cook's cap cast deep shadows on her face which was close to the conscripts he slit his arm around her waist and there followed sound of a kiss for said Maisie stepping back what's that said the red haired girl who was tossing uneasily outside her bed only a conscript kissing the cook said Maisie they've gone away now she leaned out of the window again and put a shawl over her nightgown to guard against chills there was a very small night breeze abroad and a sunbaked rose below noted its head as one who knew unattribute secrets was it possible that dick should turn his thoughts from her work and his own and descent to the degradation of Suzanne and the conscript he could not the rose noted its head and one leaf there with it looked like a not a little devil scratching its ear dick could not because thought Maisie he is mine mine mine he said he was I'm sure I don't care what he does it will only spoil his work if he does and it will spoil mine too the rose continue to not the futile way peculiar to flowers there was no earthly reason why dick should not disport himself as he chose except that he was called by Providence which was Maisie to assist Maisie in her work and her work was the preparation of pictures that went sometimes to English provincial exhibitions as the notices in the scrapbook proved and that were invariably rejected by the salon where Kami was plugged into lying her to send them up her work in the future it seemed would be the preparation of pictures on exactly similar lines which would be rejected in exactly similar way the red-haired girl stretched distressfully across the sheets it's too hot to sleep she moaned and the interruption jarred exactly the same way then she would divide her years between the little studio in England and Kami's big studio at which she Sir Marne no she would go to another master who should force her into the success that was her right if patient toil and desperate endeavor gave one a right to anything dick had told her that he had worked ten years to understand his craft she had worked ten years and ten years were nothing dick had said that ten years were nothing but that was in regard to herself only he had said this very man who could not find time to write that he would wait ten years for her and that she was bound to come back to him sooner or later he had said this in the absurd letter about Sunstroke and Difftheria and then he had stopped writing he was wandering up and down moonlit streets kissing cooks she would like to lecture him now not in her nightgown of course but properly dressed severely and from a height yet if he was kissing other girls he certainly would not care whether she lecture him or not he would laugh at her very good she would go back to her studio and prepare pictures that went etc etc the mill wheel of thought swung round slowly that no section of it might be slurred over and the red-haired girl tossed and turned behind her Maisie put her chin in her hands and decided that there could be no doubt whatever of the villainy of dick to justify herself she began unwomanly to weigh the evidence there was a boy and he had said he loved her and he kissed her kissed her on the cheek by a yellow sea poppy that knotted its head exactly like the maddening dry rose in the garden then there was an interval and men had told her that they loved her just when she was busiest with her work then the boy came back and at their very second meeting had told her that he loved her then he had but there was no end to the things he had done he had given her his time and his powers he had spoken to her of art housekeeping technique tea cups the abuse of pickles as a stimulant that was rule stable hairbrushes he had given her the best in her stock she used them daily he had given her advice that she profited by and now and again a look such a look the look of a beaten hound waiting for the word to crawl to his mistress's feet in return she had given him nothing whatever except here she brushed her mouth against the openwork sleeve of her nightgown the privilege of kissing her once and on the mouth to disgraceful was that not enough and more than enough and if it was not had he not cancelled the debt by not writing and probably kissing other girls Maisie you'll catch a chill do go and lie down said the varied voice of a companion I can't sleep a wink with you at the window Maisie shrugged her shoulders and did not answer she was reflecting on the meanness of dick and on other meannesses with which he had nothing to do the moonlight would not let her sleep it lay on the skylight of the studio across the road in cold silver she stared at it intently and her thoughts began to slide one into the other the shadow of the big bell handle in the wall grew short lengthened again and faded out as the moon went down behind the pasture and a hair came limping home across the road then the dawn wind washed through the upland grasses and brought coolness with it and the cattle load by the drop shunk river Maisie's head fell forward on the windowsill and the tangle of black hair covered her arms Maisie wake up you'll catch a chill yes dear yes dear she staggered to her bed like a weary child and as she buried her face in the pillows she murmured I think I think but he out to have written day brought the routine of the studio the smell of paint and turpentine and the monotone wisdom of Kami who was a leaden artist but a golden teacher if the pupil were only in sympathy with him Maisie was not in sympathy that day and she waited impatiently for the end of the work she knew when it was coming for Kami would gather his black alpaca coat into a bunch behind him and with faded blue eyes that saw neither pupils nor canvas look back into the past recall the history of one binat you have all done not so badly he would say but you shall remember that it is not enough to have the method and the art and the power nor even that which is touch but you shall have also the conviction that nails the work to the wall of the so many I taught here the students would begin to unfix drawing pins or get the tubes together the very so many that I have taught the best was binat all that comes of the study and the work and the knowledge was to him even when he came after he left me he should have done all that could be done with the color the form and the knowledge only he had not the conviction so today I hear no more of binat the best of my pupils and that is long ago so today too you will be glad to hear no more of me continuous madam was else and above all with conviction he went to the garden to smoke and mourn over the lost binat as the pupils dispersed to their several cottages or loitered in the studio to make plans for the cool of the afternoon Maisie looked at her very unhappy melancholy restrained a desire to grimace before it and was hurrying across the road to write a letter to Dick when she was aware of a large man on a white troop horse how Torpenhauer managed in the course of 20 hours to find his way to the hearts of the cavalry offices in quarters at vitri-cermin to discuss with them the certainty of a glorious revenge for France to reduce the colonel to tears of pure affability and to borrow the best horse in the squadron for the journey to Kami's studio is a mystery that only special correspondence can unravel I beg your pardon said he it seems an absurd question to ask but the fact is that I don't know her by any other name is there any young lady here that is called Maisie I am Maisie was the answer from the depths of a Grayson hat I ought to introduce myself he said as the horse capered in the blinding white dust my name is Torpenhauer Dick Helder is my best friend and and the fact is that he has gone blind blind said Maisie stupidly he can't be blind he has been a stone blind for nearly two months Maisie lifted up her face and it was pearly white no no not blind I won't have him blind would you care to see for yourself said Torpenhauer now at once oh no the Paris train doesn't go through this place till tonight there will be ample time did mr. Helder send you to me certainly not dick wouldn't do that sort of thing he's sitting in his studio turning over some letters that he can't read because he's blind there was a sound of choking from the Sun Hat Maisie bowed her head and went into the cottage where the red-haired girl was on a sofa complaining of a headache dick's blind said Maisie taking her breath quickly as she studied herself against a chair back my dick's blind what the girl was on the sofa no longer a man has come from England to tell me he hasn't written to me for six weeks are you going to him I must think think I should go back to London and see him and I should kiss his eyes and kiss them and kiss them until they got well again if you don't go I shall oh what am I talking about you wicked little idiot go to him at once go Torpenhauer's neck was bellistering but he preserved a smile of infinite patience as Maisie appeared bareheaded in the sunshine I am coming said she her eyes on the ground you will be at Wittree station then at seven this evening this was an order delivered by one who was used to being obeyed Maisie said nothing but she felt grateful that there was no chance of disputing with this big man who took everything for granted and managed a squealing horse with one hand she returned to the red haired girl who was weeping bitterly and between tears kisses very few of those when thawl packing and an interview with Kami the sultry afternoon wore away thought might come afterwards her present duty was to go to dick dick who owned the wondrous friend and sat in the dark playing with their unopened letters but what will you do she said to her companion I oh I shall stay here and finish your melancholy she said smiling pitifully right to me afterwards that night there ran a legend through Wittree sir Marne of a mad English man doubtless suffering from son stroke who had drunk all the officers of the garrison under the table had borrowed a horse from the lines and had then and there eloped after the English custom with one of those more mad English girls who drew pictures down there under the care of that good man sir Kami they are very drawl said Suzanne to the conscript in the moonlight by the studio wall she walked always with those big eyes that saw nothing and yet she kisses me on both cheeks as though she were my sister and gives me see 10 friends the conscript levied a contribution on both girls for he prided himself on being a good soldier Torpenhower spoke very little to Maisie during the journey to Calais but he was careful to attend to all her wants to get her a compartment entirely to herself and to leave her alone he was amazed of the ease with which the matter had been accomplished the safest thing would be to let her think things out by Dick's showing when he was off his head she must have ordered him about very thoroughly wonder how she likes being under orders Maisie never told she sat in the empty compartment often with their eyes shut that she might realize the sensation of blindness it was an order that she should return to London swiftly and she found herself at last almost begging to enjoy the situation this was better than looking after luggage and the red-haired friend who never took any interest in her surroundings but there appeared to be a feeling in the air that she Maisie of all people wasn't his grace therefore she justified her conduct to herself with great success till Torpenhower came up to her on the steamer and without preface began to tell the story of Dick's blindness suppressing a few details but dwelling at length on the miseries of delirium he stopped before he reached the end as though he had lost interest in the subject and went forward to smoke Maisie was furious with him and with herself she was hurried on from Dover to London almost before she could ask for breakfast and she was past any feeling of indignation now was bitten currently to wait in a hall at the foot of some lead covered stairs while Torpenhower went up to make inquiries again the knowledge that she was being treated like a naughty little girl made her pale cheeks flame it was all Dick's fault for being so stupid as to go blind Torpenhower led her up to a shut door which he opened very slowly Dick was sitting by the window with his chin on his chest there were three envelopes in his hand and he turned them over and over the big man who gave orders was no longer by her side and the studio door snapped behind her Dick thrust the letters into his pocket as he heard the sound hello topper is that you I've been so lonely his voice had taken the peculiar flatness of the blind Maisie pressed herself up into a corner of the room her heart was beating furiously and she put one hand on her breast to keep it quiet Rick was staring directly at her and she realized for the first time that he was blind shutting her eyes in a railway carriage to open them when she pleased was child's play this man was blind though his eyes were wide open Torpe is that you this said you were coming Dick looked puzzled and a little irritated at the silence no it's only me was the answer in a strange little whisper Maisie could hardly move her lips hmm said dick compositely without moving this a new phenomena darkness I'm getting used to but I object to hearing voices was he mad then as well as blind that he talked to himself Maisie's heart beat more wildly and she breathed in gasps dick crows and begun to feel his way across the room touching eat table and chair as he passed once he caught his foot on a rug and for dropping on his knees to feel what the obstruction might be Maisie remembered him walking in the park as though all the earth belonged to him shamping up and down her studio two months ago and flying up the gangway of the channel steamer the beating of her heart was making her sick and dick was coming nearer guided by the sound of her breathing she put out a hand mechanically toward him off or to draw him to herself she did not know which it touched his chest and he stepped back as though he had been shot it's Maisie said he with a dried sob what are you doing here I came I came to see you please dick slips closed firmly won't you sit down then you see I have had some bother with my eyes and I know I know why didn't you tell me I couldn't write you might have told Mr. Torben how what has he to do with my affairs he he brought me from which she sir Martin he thought I out see you why what has happened can I do anything for you no I can't I forgot oh dick I'm so sorry I've come to tell you and let me take you back to your chair don't I'm not a child you only do that out of pity I never meant to tell you anything about it I'm no good now I'm down and done for let me alone he cropped back to his chair his chest laboring as he sat down end of section 18 recording by Zernath section 19 of the light that failed this is a library walks recording all library walks recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit library walks dot org recording by Zernath the light that failed by Rudyard Kipling chapter 13 part 2 may be watched him and the fear went out of her heart to be followed by a very bitter shame he had a spoken at truth that had been hidden from the girl through every step of the impetuous flight to London for he was indeed down and done for masterful no longer but rather a little abject neither an artist is stronger than she nor a man to be looked up to only some blind one that sat in a chair and seemed on the point of crying she was immensely and unpainfully sorry for him more sorry than she had ever been for anyone in her life but not sorry enough to deny his words so she stood a still and felt ashamed and a little hurt because she had honestly intended that her journey should end triumphantly and now she was only filled with pity most startlingly distinct from love well said dick his face is steadily turned away I never meant to worry you anymore what's the matter he was conscious that Maisie was catching her breath but was as unprepared as herself for the torrent of emotion that followed she had dropped into a chair and was sobbing with her face hidden in her hands I I can't I can't she cried desperately indeed I can't it is in my fault I'm so sorry oh Dickie I'm so sorry Dick's shoulders is straightened again for the words lashed like a whip is still a sobbing continued it is not good to realize that you have failed in the hour of trial or flinched before the mere possibility of making sacrifices I do despise myself indeed I do but I can't oh Dickie you wouldn't ask me would you wailed Maisie she looked up for a minute and by chance it happened that Dick's eyes fell on her the unshaven face was very white and set and the lips were trying to force themselves into a smile but it was the worn-out eyes that Maisie feared her dick had gone blind and left in his place someone that she could hardly recognize till he spoke who is asking you to do anything Maisie I told you how it would be what is the use of worrying for petite sake don't cry like that it isn't worth it you don't know how I hate myself oh dick help me please help me the passion of her tears had grown beyond her control and was beginning to alarm the man he stumbled forward and put his arm around her and her head fell on his shoulder hush dear hush don't cry you are quite right and you have nothing to reproach yourself with you never had you're only a little upset by the journey and I don't suppose you have had any breakfast what a brute torque was to bring you over I wanted to come I did indeed she protested very well and now you've come and seen and I'm immensely grateful when you are better you shall go away and get something to eat what sort of a passage did you have coming over Maisie was crying more subduedly for the first time in her life glad that she had something to lean against dick patted her on the shoulder tenderly but clumsily for he was not quite sure where her shoulder might be she drew herself out of his arms at last and waited trembling and most unhappy he had felt his way to the window to put the width of the room between them and to quiet a little the tumult in his heart are you better now he said yes but don't you hate me I hate you my god I isn't isn't there anything I could do for you then I'll stay here in England to do it if you like perhaps I could come and see you sometimes I think not dear it would be kindest not to see me anymore please I don't want to seem rude but don't you think perhaps you had almost better go now he was conscious that he could not bear himself as a man if this train continued much longer I don't deserve anything else I'll go dick oh I'm so miserable nonsense you have nothing to worry about I tell you if you had wait a moment dear I have got something to give you first I meant it for you ever since this little trouble began it's my melancholy she was a beauty when it last saw her you can keep her for me and if ever you are poor you can sell her she's worth a few hundreds at any state of the market he groped among his canvases she's framed in black is this a black frame that I have my hand on there she is what do you think of her he turned a scarred formless muddle of paint towards Maisie and the eyes is chained as though they would catch her wonder and surprise one thing and one thing only could she do for him well the voice was fuller and more rounded because the man knew he was speaking of his best work Maisie looked at the blur and a lunatic desire to laugh got her by the throat but for Dick's sake whatever this mad blankness might mean she must make no sign her voice echoed with hard-held tears as she answered is still gazing at the wreck oh dick it is good he heard the little hysterical gulp and took it for tribute won't you have it then I'll send it over to your house if you will I oh yes thank you if she did not fly at once the laughter that was worse than tears would kill her she turned and ran choking and blinded down the staircases that were empty of life to take refuge in a cab and go to her house across the parks there she sat down in the dismantled drawing room and thought of dick in his blindness useless till the end of life and of herself in her own eyes behind the sorrow the shame and the humiliation lay fear of the cold wrath of the red haired girl when Maisie should return Maisie had never feared her companion before not until she found herself saying well he never asked me did she realize her scorn for herself and that is the end of Maisie for dick was reserved more searching torment he could not realize at first that Maisie whom he had ordered to go had left him without a word of farewell he was savagely angry against Torpenhau who had brought upon him this humiliation and troubled his miserable peace then his dark hour came and he was alone with himself and his desires to get what help he could from the darkness the Queen could do no wrong but in following the right so far as it served her work she had wounded her one subject more than his own brain would let him know it's all I had and I've lost it he said as soon as the misery permitted clear thinking and Torp will think that he has been so infernally clever that I shan't have the heart to tell him I must think this out quietly hello said Torpenhau entering the studio after dick had enjoyed two hours of thought I'm back are you feeling any better Torp I I don't know what to say come here dick cuffed huskily wondering indeed what he should say and how to say it temporarily what's the need for saying anything get up and tramp Torpenhau was perfectly satisfied they walked up and down as of custom Torpenhau's hand on Dick's shoulder and dick buried in his own thoughts how in the world did you find it all out said dick at last you shouldn't go off your head if you want to keep secrets dicky it was absolutely impertinent on my part but if you had seen me rocketing about on a half-trained French troop horse under a blazing sun you would have laughed there will be a carivery in my rooms tonight seven other devils I know the row in the southern Sudan I surprised their councils the other day and it made me unhappy have you fixed your feeling to go who would you work for haven't signed any contracts yet I wanted to see how your business would turn out said Torpenhau would you have stayed with me then if things had gone wrong dick put his question cautiously don't ask me too much I'm only a man you've tried to be an angel very successfully oh yes well do you attend the function tonight we shall be half a screw before the morning all the men believe there was a certainty I I don't think I will old man if it's all the same to you I'll stay quite here and meditate I don't blame you you observe a good time if ever a man did that night there was a tumult on the stairs the correspondents poured in from theater dinner and music hall to Torpenhau's room that they might discuss their plan of camp in the event of military operations becoming a certainty Torpenhau the Kinyu and Neil Guy had been all the men that had worked with to the orgy and Mr. Beaton the housekeeper declared that never before in his checkered experience had he seen quite such a fancy lot of gentlemen they wake the chambers with shouting and song and the elder men were quite as bad as the younger for the chances of war one in front of them and all knew what those meant sitting in his own room a little perplexed by the noise across the landing dick suddenly began to laugh to himself when one comes to think of it the situation is intensely comic Maisie is quite right who a little thing I didn't know she could cry like that before but now I know what Torp thinks I'm sure he'd be quite full enough to stay at home and try to console me if he knew besides it isn't nice to own that you have been thrown over like a broken chair I must carry this business through alone as usual if there isn't a war and Torp finds out I shall look foolish that's all if there is a way I mustn't interfere with another man's chances business is business and I want to be alone I want to be alone what a row they are making somebody hammered at the studio door come out and frolic dickie said the Neil guy I should like to but I can't I'm not feeling frolic some then I'll tell the boys and they'll drag you like a badger please not old man on my word I'd sooner be left alone just now very good can we send anything for you fizz for instance cassavati is beginning to sing songs of the sunny south already for one minute they considered the proposition seriously no thanks I I have a headache already virtuous child there's the effect of emotion on the young all my congratulations dick I was also concerned in the conspiracy of your welfare go to the devil oh send binky in here the little dog entered on elastic feet rioters from having been made much of all the evening he had helped to sing the choruses but a scarcely inside the studio he realized that this was no place for tail wagging and settled himself on Dick's lap till it was bedtime then he went to bed with dick who counted every hour as it is struck and rose in the morning with a painfully clear head to receive Torpenhouse more formal congratulations and a particular account of the last night's rebels you aren't looking very happy for a newly accepted man said Torpenhouse never mind that it's my own affair and I'm all right do you really go yes with this old central southern as usual they wired and I accepted on better terms than before when do you start the day after tomorrow for bringy thank God dick spoke from the bottom of his heart well that's not a pretty way of saying you're glad to get rid of me but men in your condition are allowed to be selfish I I didn't mean that will you get a hundred pounds cashed for me before you leave that's a slender amount for housekeeping isn't it asked Torpenhouse oh it's a it's only for marriage expenses Torpenhouse brought him the money counted it out in fives and tens and carefully put it away in the writing table now I suppose I shall have to listen to his ravings about this girl until I go heaven sent us patience with a man in love he said to himself but never a word did dick say of Maisie or marriage he hung in a doorway of Torpenhouse room when the later was packing and asked innumerable questions about the coming camp in till Torpenhouse begin to feel annoyed you're a secretive animal tiki and you consume your own smoke don't you he said on the last evening I I suppose so by the way how long do you think this war will last days weeks or months one can never tell it may go on for years set Torpenhouse I wish I were going good heavens you are the most unaccountable creature hasn't it occurred to you that you're going to be married thanks to me of course yes I'm going to be married so I am going to be married I'm awfully grateful to you haven't I told you that you might be going to be hanged by the look of you set Torpenhouse and the next day Torpenhouse made him goodbye and left him to the loneliness he had so much desired end of section 19 recorded by Zernas section 20 of the light that failed this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Tressie the light that failed by Rajat Kipling chapter 14 part one yet at the last air a spearman had found him yet at the last his sword thrust could save yet at the last with his masters around him he of the faith spoke as master to slave yet at the last little kathars had maimed him broken by bondage and wrecked by the river yet at the last though the darkness had claimed him he called upon Allah and died a believer Kizil Bashee beg your pardon mr. Heldar but but isn't nothing going to happen said mr. Beton no they can't just wake to another morning of blank despair and this temple was of the shortest taint my regular business of course sir and what I say is mind your own business and let other people mind theirs but just before mr. Torbenhau went away he give me to understand like that you might be moving into a house of your own so to speak a sort of house with rooms upstairs and downstairs where you'd be better attended to though I try to act just by all our tenants don't I that must have been a mad house I shan't trouble you to take me there yet get me my breakfast please and leave me alone I hope I haven't done anything wrong sir but you know I hope that as far as a man can I tries to do the proper thing by all the gentlemen in chambers and more particular those whose lot is hard such as you for instance mr. Heldar you like soft row bloater don't you soft row bloaters is scarcer than heart row but what I says is never mind a little extra trouble so long as you give satisfaction to the tenants mr. Beton withdrew and left dick to himself Torbenhau had been long away there was no more rioting in the chambers and dick had settled down to his new life which he was weak enough to consider nothing better than death it is hard to live alone in the dark confusing the day and night dropping to sleep through sheer weariness at midday and rising restless in the chill of the dawn at first dick on his awakenings would grow belong the corridors of the chambers till he heard someone snore then he would know that the day had not yet come and return virily to his bedroom later he learned not to stir till there was a noise and movement in the house and mr. Beton advised him to get up once dressed and dressing now the Torbenhau was away was a lengthy business because collars ties and the like hid themselves in far corners of the room and search meant head beating against chairs and trunks once dressed there was nothing whatever to do except to sit still and brood till the free daily meals came century separated breakfast from lunch and lunch from dinner and though a man prayed for hundreds of years that his mind might be taken from him God would never hear rather the mind was quickened and the revolving thoughts ground against each other as millstones grind when there's no corn between and yet the brain would not wear out and give him rest it continued to think at length with imagery and all manner of reminiscences it recalled Macy and past success reckless travels by land and sea the glory of doing work and feeling that it was good and suggested all that might have happened had the eyes only been faithful to their duty when thinking seized through sheer weariness they pulled into Dick's soul tight and tight of overwhelming purposeless fear dread of starvation always terror lest the unseen ceiling should crush down upon him fear of fire in the chambers and allows his death in red flame and agonies of fierce a horror that had nothing to do with any fear of death then they bowed his head and clutching the arms of his chair fought with his sweating self till the tinkle of plates told him that something to eat was being said before him mr. Beaton would bring the meal when he had time to spare and dick learned to hang upon his speech which dealt with badly fitted gas plugs waste pipes out of repair little tricks for driving picture nails into walls and the sins of the charwoman or the housemates in the lack of better things the small gossip of a servant hall becomes immensely interesting and the screwing of a washer on a tap an event to be talked over for days once or twice a week to mr. Beaton would take dick out with him when he went marketing in the morning to haggle with tradesmen over fish lamp wicks mustard tapioca and so forth while dick rested his weight first on one foot and then on the other and played aimlessly with the tins and string ball on the counter then they would perhaps meet one of mr. Beaton's friends and dick standing aside a little would hold his peace till mr. Beaton was willing to go on again the life did not increase his self-respect he abandoned shaving as a dangerous exercise and being shaved in the barbershop meant exposure of his infirmity he could not see that his clothes were properly brushed and since he had never taken any care of his personal appearance he became every known variety of sloven a blind man cannot deal with cleanliness till he has been some months used to the darkness if he demanded attendance and grow angry at the warmth of it he must assert himself and stand upright then the meanest menial can see that he is blind and therefore of no consequence a wise man will keep his eyes on the floor and sit still for amusement he may pick coal lump by lump out of the scuttle with the tongs and pilot in a little heap in the fender keeping count of the lumps which must all be put back again one by one and very carefully he may set himself sums if he cares to work them out he may talk to himself or to the cat if she chooses to visit him and if his trade has been that of an artist he may sketch in the air with his forefinger but that is too much like drawing a pig with the eyes shut he may go to his bookshelves and count his books ranging them in order of their size or to his wardrobe and count his shirts laying them in piles of two or three on the bed as they suffer from frayed calves or lost buttons even this entertainment varies after a time and all the times are very very long dick was allowed to sort a tool chest where mr. beaten kept hammers taps and nuts lengths of gas pipes oil bottles and string if I don't have everything just where I know where to look for it why then I can't find anything when I do want it you've no idea sir the amount of little things that at least chambers uses up said mr. beaten fumbling at the handle of the door as he went out it's harder news sir I do think it's hard on you ain't you going to do anything sir I'll pay my rent and messing isn't that enough I wasn't doubting for a moment that you couldn't pay your way sir but I have often said to my wife it's hard on him because it isn't as if he was an old man nor yet a middle-aged one but quite a young gentleman that's where it comes so hard I suppose so said dick absently this particular nerve through long battering had ceased to feel much I was thinking continued mr. beaten still making as if to go that you might like to hear my boy elf read you the papers sometimes of an evening he do read beautiful seeing his only nine I should be very grateful said dick only let me make it worth his while we wasn't thinking of that sir but of course it's in your own hands but only to ear elf sing a boy's best friend is his mother I'll hear him sing that too let him come this evening with the newspapers elf was not a nice child being puffed up with many school board certificates for good conduct and in ordinarily proud of his singing mr. beaten remained beaming while the child wailed his way through a song of some eight eight line verses in the usual wine of a young cockney and after compliments left him to read dick the foreign telegrams ten minutes later elf returned to his parents rather pale and scared he said he couldn't stand it no more he explained he never said you read badly elf mr. beaten spoke no he said I read beautiful said he never heard anyone read like that but he said he couldn't abide the stuff in the papers perhaps he lost some money in the stocks were you reading him about stocks elf no it was all about fighting out there where the soldiers is gone a great long piece with all the lines close together and very hard words in it he give me alpha crown because I read so well and he says the next time there's anything he wants read he'll send for me that's good hearing but I do think for all the half crown put it into the kicking donkey money box elf and let me see you do it he might have kept you longer why he couldn't have begun to understand how beautiful you read he's best left to his self gentlemen always are when they're downhearted said mr. beaten elves rigorously limited powers of comprehending Torbenhaus special correspondence had waked a devil of unrest and dick he could hear through the boys nasal chant the camels granting in the squares behind the soldiers outside suarkin could hear the man's varying and chaffing across the cooking pots and could smell the accurate wood smoke as it drifted over camp before the wind of the desert that night he prayed to God that his mind might be taken from him offering for proof that he was worthy of this favored effect that he had not shot himself long ago that prayer was not answered and indeed they can you in his heart of hearts that only a lingering sense of humor and no special virtue had kept him alive suicide he had persuaded himself would be a ludicrous insult to the gravity of the situation as well as a weak need confession of fear just for the fun of the thing he said to the cat who had taken binky's place in his establishment I should like to know how long this is going to last I can live for a year and a hundred pounds top cashed for me I must have two or three thousand at least in the bank twenty or thirty years more provided for that is to say then I fall back on my hundred and twenty a year which will be more by that time let's consider twenty five thirty five a man's in his prime then they say forty five a middle-aged man just entering politics fifty five died at the comparatively early age of fifty five according to the newspapers bar how these Christians funk death sixty five we're only getting on in years seventy five is just possible though great hell cattle fifty years more of solitary confinement in the dark you'll die and beaten will die and talk will die and my everybody else will die but I shall be alive and kicking with nothing to do I'm very sorry for myself I should like someone else to be sorry for me evidently I'm not going mad before I die but the paint just as bad as ever some day when you will be selected Kato they'll tie you down on the little table and cut you open but don't be afraid they'll take precious good care that you don't die you live and you'll be very sorry then that you weren't sorry for me perhaps talk will come back or I wish I could go to Torb and the Neil Gay even though I were in their way pussy left the room before the speech was ended and elf as he entered found dick addressing the empty half rock there's a letter for you sir he said perhaps you'd like me to read it landed to me for a minute and I'll tell you the outstretched hand shook just a little and the voice was not over steady it was within the limits of human possibility that that was no letter from Maisie he knew the heft of three closed envelopes only too well it was a foolish hope that the girl should write to him for he did not realize that there is a wrong which admits of no reparation though the evil doer may with tears and the heart's best love strived to mend all it is best to forget that wrong whether it be caused or endured since it is as remedy less as bad work once put forward read it then said dig and elf began intoning according to the rules of the board school I could have given you love I could have given you loyalty such as you never dreamed of do you suppose I cared what you were but you chose to whistle everything down the wind for nothing my only excuse for you is that you are so young that's all he said returning the paper to be dropped into the fire what was in the letter asked Mrs. Beaton when elf returned I don't know I think it was a circular or a tract about not whistling at everything when you're young I must have stepped on something when I was alive and walking about and it has bounced up and hit me God help it whatever it is unless it was all a joke but I don't know anyone who take the travel to play a joke on me love and loyalty for nothing it sounds tempting enough I wonder whether I have lost anything really dick considered for a long time but could not remember when or how he had put himself in the way of winning these trifles at the woman's hands still the latter as touching on matters that he preferred not to think about stung him into a fit of frenzy that lasted for a day and night when his heart was so full of despair that it would hold no more body and soul together seemed to be dropping without check through the darkness then came fear of darkness and desperate attempts to reach the light again but there was no light to be reached when that agony had left him sweating and breathless the downward flight would recommence to the gathering torture of it spurred him into another fight as hopeless as the first followed some few minutes of sleep in which he dreamed that he saw then the procession of events would repeat itself till he was utterly worn out and the brain took up its everlasting consideration of Maisie and might have been at the end of everything mr. beaten came to his room and volunteered to take him out not marketing this time but we'll go into the parks if you like be damned if I do quote dick keep to the streets and walk up and down I like to hear the people around me this was not altogether true the blind in the first stages of their infirmity dislike those who can move with a free stride and unlifted arms but dick had no earthly desire to go to the parks once and only once since Maisie had shut her door he had gone there under elves charge elf forgot him and fished for minnows in the serpentine with some companions after half an hour's waiting dick almost weeping with rage and broth caught a passerby who introduced him to a friendly policeman who led him to a four-wheeler opposite the Albert Hall he never told mr. beaten of elves forgetfulness but this was not a man in which he was used to walk the parks of four-time what streets would you like to walk down then said mr. beaten sympathetically his own ideas of a rioters holiday men picnicking on the grass of green park with his family and half a dozen paper bags full of food keep to the river said dick and I kept to the river and the rush of it was in his ears till I came to black fires bridge and struck dance on to the waterloo road mr. beaten explaining the beauties of the scenery as he went on and walking on the other side of the pavement said he unless I'm much mistaken is the young woman that used to come to your rooms to be drawn I never forgets a face and I never remembers a name except paying tenants of course stop her said dick it's Bessie broke tell her I'd like to speak to her again quick man mr. beaten crossed the road under the noses of the omnibuses and arrested Bessie then on her way northward she recognized him as the man in authority who used to glare at her when she passed up dick's staircase and her first impulse was to run wasn't you mr. held us model said mr. beaten planting himself in front of her you was he's on the other side of the road and he'd like to see you why said Bessie faintly she remembered indeed had never for long forgotten an affair connected with a newly finished picture because he has asked me to do so and because he's most particular blind end of section 20 section 21 of the light that failed this is a LibriWalks recording all LibriWalks recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriWalks.org Recalling by Chassie the light that failed by Rudyard Kipling chapter 14 part 2 drunk no hospital blind he can't see that's him over there dick was leaning against a parapet of the bridge as mr. beaten pointed him out a stub bearded bowed creature wearing a dirty magenta colored neck cloth outside an unbrushed coat there was nothing to fear from such a one even if he chased her Bessie thought he could not follow far she crossed over and Vicks face lighted up it was long since a woman of any kind had taken the trouble to speak to him I hope you well mr. Hela said Bessie a little puzzled mr. Beaton stood by with the air of an ambassador and breathed responsibly I'm very well indeed and by chauve I'm glad to see here you I mean best you never thought it worthwhile to turn up and see us again after you got your money I don't know why you should are you going anywhere in particular just now I was going for walk said Bessie not the old business dick spoke under his breath law no I paid my premium Bessie was very proud of that word for a barmaid sleeping in and I'm at the bar now quite respectable indeed I am mr. beaten had no special reason to believe in a loftiness of human nature therefore he dissolved himself like a mist and returned to his gas plugs without word of apology Bessie watched the flight with a certain uneasiness but so long as dick appeared to be ignorant of the harm that had been done to him it's hard work pulling the beer handles she went on and they've got one of them penny in the slot cash machines so if you get wrong by a penny at the end of the day but then I don't believe the machinery is right do you I've only seen it work mr. beaten he's gone I'm afraid I must ask you to help me home then I'll make it worth your while you see the sightless eyes turn towards her and Bessie saw it isn't taking you out of your way he said hesitatingly I can't ask a policeman if it is not at all I come on at seven and I'm offered four that's easy ours good God but I'm on all the time I wish I had some work to do too let's go home best he turned and cannon into a man on the sidewalk recoiling with an oath Bessie took his arm and said nothing as she had said nothing when he had ordered her to turn her face a little more to the light they walked for some time in silence the girl steering him deathly through the crowd and where's where's mr. Torbenhow she inquired at last he has gone away to the desert where's dad dick pointed to the right east out of the mouth of the river said he then west then south and then east again all along the underside of Europe then south again God knows how far the explanation did not enlighten Bessie in the least but she held her tongue and looked to Dick's patch till they came to the chambers we'll have tea and muffins he said joyously I can't tell you Bessie how glad I am to find you again what made you go away so suddenly I didn't think you'd want me anymore she said emboldened by his ignorance I didn't as a matter of fact but afterwards at any rate I'm glad you've come you know the stairs so Bessie let him home to his own place there was no one to hinder and shut the door of the studio what a mess was her first word all these things haven't been looked after for months and months no only weeks best you can't expect them to care I don't know what you expect them to do they all to know what you've paid them for the dust is just awful it's all over the easel I don't use it much now all over the pictures and the floor and all over your coat I'd like to speak to them housemates ring for tea then dick felt his way to the one chair he used by custom Bessie saw the action and as far as in her lay was touched but there remained always a keen sense of a newfound superiority and it wasn't her voice when she spoke how long have you been like this she said raw fully as though the blindness or some fault of the housemates how as you are the day after you went away with the check almost as soon as my picture was finished I hardly saw her alive then they've been cheating you ever since that's all I know there nice little ways a woman may love one man and despise another but on general feminine principles she will do her best to save the man she despises from being defrauded her loved one can look to himself but the other man being obviously an idiot needs protection I don't think mr. Beaton cheats much said dick Bessie was flouncing up and down the room and he was conscious of a keen sense of enjoyment as he heard the swish of his girls and the light step between tea and muffins she said shortly when the ring at the bell was answered two teaspoon folds and one over for the pot I don't want the old teapot that was here when I used to come it don't draw get another the housemate went away scandalized and dick chuckled then he began to cough as Bessie banked up and down the studio disturbing the dust what are you trying to do put things trade this is like unfurnished lodgings how could you let it go so how could I help it dust away she dusted furiously and in the midst of all the pothole entered mrs. Beaton her husband on his return had explained the situation winding up with the peculiarly felicitous proverb do unto others as you would be done by she had descended to put into her place the person who demanded muffins and an uncracked teapot as though she had a right to both muffins ready yet said Bess still dusting she was no longer a drab of the streets but a young lady who thanks to digs check had paid her premium and was entitled to pull beer handles with the best being neatly dressed in black she did not hesitate to face mrs. Beaton and their past between the two women certain regards that dick would have appreciated the situation adjusted itself by eye Bessie had won and mrs. Beaton returned to cook muffins and makes gating remarks about models hussies trollops and the like to her husband there's nothing to be got of interfering with him Liza he said alf you go along into the street to play when he isn't crossed he's as kindly as kind but when he's crossed he's the devil and all we took too many little things out of his room since he was blind to be that particular about what he does they know objects to a blind man of course but if it was to come into court we'd get a sack yes I did introduce him to that girl because I'm a feeling man myself much too feeling mrs. Beaton slept the muffins into the dish and thought of come Lee housemates long since dismissed on suspicion I ain't ashamed of it and it isn't for us to judge him hard so long as he pays quiet and regular as you do I know how to manage young gentlemen you know how to cook for them and what I says is let each stick to his own business and then there won't be any trouble take them muffins down Liza and be sure you have no words with that young woman his lot is cruel hard and if he's crossed he do swear worse than anyone I've ever served that's a little better said Bessie sitting down to the tea you needn't wait thank you mrs. Beaton I had no intention of doing such I do assure you Bessie made no answer whatever this she knew was the way in which real ladies routed their foes and when one is a barmaid at a first-class public house one may become a real lady at ten minutes notice her eyes fell on dick opposite her and she was both shocked and displeased there were droppings of food all down the front of his coat the mouth under the wrecked ill-grown beard drooped sullenly the forehead was lined and contracted and on the lean temples the hair was a dusty indeterminate color that might or might not have been called gray the utter misery and self abandonment of the man appealed to her and at the bottom of her heart laid a wicked feeling that he was humbled and brought low who had once humbled her oh it is good to hear you moving about said dick rubbing his hands tell us all about your boss excesses Bessie and the way you live now never mind dad I'm quite respectable as you'd see by looking at me you don't seem to live too well what made you go blind that sudden why isn't there anyone to look after you dick was too thankful for the sound of her voice to resent the tone of it I was cut across the head a long time ago and that ruined my eyes I don't suppose anybody thinks it worthwhile to look after me anymore why should they and mr. Beaton really does everything I want don't you know any gentle man and ladies then while you was well a few but I don't care to have them looking at me I suppose that's why you've grown a beard take it off it don't become you good gracious child do you imagine that I think of what becomes of me these days you odd get that taken off before I come here again I suppose I can come can die I'd be only too grateful if you did I don't think I treated you very well in the old days I used to make you angry very angry you did I'm sorry for it then come and see me when you can and as often as you can God knows there isn't a soul in the world to take that trouble except you and mr. Beaton a lot of trouble he's taking and she too this with a toss of the head they flat you anyhow and they haven't done anything for you I've only to look and see that much I'll come and I'll be glad to come but you must go and be shaved and you must get some other clothes those ones aren't fit to be seen I have heaps somewhere he said helplessly I know you have tell mr. Beaton to give you a new suit and I'll brush it and keep it clean you may be as blind as a barn door mr. Helder but it doesn't excuse you looking like a sweep do I look like a sweep then oh I'm sorry for you I'm that sorry for you she cried impulsively and took Dick's hands mechanically he lowered his head as if to kiss she was the only woman who had taken pity on him and he was not too proud for little pity now she stood up to go nothing or that kind till you look more like a gentleman it's quite easy when you get shaved and some clothes he could hear her drawing on her gloves and rose to say goodbye she passed behind him kissed him audaciously on the back of the neck and ran away as swiftly as on a day when she had destroyed the melancholia to think of me kissing mr. Helder she said to herself after all he's done to me and all well I'm sorry for him and if he was shaved he wouldn't be so bad to look at but oh damn beatons how shameful they've treated him I know beatons wearing a shirt on his back today just as well as if I'd aired it tomorrow I see I wonder if he has much of his own it might be worth more than the bar I wouldn't have to do any work and just as respectable as if no one knew dick was not grateful to Bessie for her parting gift he was acutely conscious of it in the nape of his neck throughout the night but it seemed among very many other things to enforce the wisdom of getting shaved he was shaved accordingly in the morning and felt the better for it a fresh suit of clothes white linen and the knowledge that someone in the world said that she took an interest in his personal appearance made him carry himself almost upright for the brain was relieved for a while from thinking of Maisie who under other circumstances might have given that kiss and a million others let us consider said he after lunch the girl can't care and it's a toss up whether she comes again or not but if money can buy her to look after me she shall be bought nobody else in the world would take the trouble and I can make it worth a while she's a child of the gutter holding brevet rank as a barmaid so she shall have everything she wants if she'll only come and talk and look after me he rubbed his newly shorn chin and began to perplex himself with the thought of her not coming I suppose I did look rather a sweep he went on I had no reason to look otherwise I knew things dropped on my clothes but it didn't matter it would be cruel if she didn't come she must Maisie came once and that was enough for her she was quite right she had something to work for this creature has only beer handles to pull unless she has deluded some young man into keeping company with her fancy being cheated for the sake of a counter jumper we are falling pretty low something cried aloud within him this will hurt more than anything that has gone before it will recall and remind and suggest and tantalize and in the end drive you mad I know it I know it they cried clenching his hands despairingly but good heavens it's a poor blind beggar never to get anything out of his life except free meals a day and a greasy waistcoat I wish he'd come early in the afternoon time she came because there was no young man in her life just then and she thought of material advantages which would allow her to be idle for the rest of her days I shouldn't have known you she said approvingly you look as you used to look a gentleman that was proud of himself don't you think I deserve another kiss then said dig flushing a little maybe but you won't get it yet sit down and let's see what I can do for you I'm certain sure mr. beaten cheats you now that you can't go through the housekeeping books every month isn't that true you'd better come and house keep for me then Bessie couldn't do it in these chambers you know that as well as I do I know but we might go somewhere else if you thought it worth your while I'd try to look after you anyhow but I shouldn't care to have to work for both of us this was tentative they'd laughed do you remember where I used to keep my bank book said he top took it to be balanced just before he went away look and see it was generally under the Tobago Char well oh four thousand two hundred and ten pounds nine shillings and a penny oh my you can have the penny that's not bad for one year's work is that and 120 pounds a year good enough the idleness and a pretty close we're almost within her reach now but she must by being housewife Lee show that she deserved them yes but you'd have to move and if he took an inventory I think we'd find that mr. Beaton has been pringing little things out of the rooms he and there they don't look as full as they used never mind we let him have them the only thing I'm particularly anxious to take away is that picture I used you for when you used to swear at me we pull out of this place bass and get away as far as ever we can oh yes she said uneasily I don't know where I can go to get away from myself but I'll try and you shall have all the pretty frogs that you care for you'll like that give me that kiss now bass ye gods it's good to put one's arm around a woman's waist again then came the fulfillment of the prophecy within the brain if his arm with us around Macy's waist and the kiss had just been given and taken between them why then he pressed a girl more closely to himself because the pain whipped him she was wondering how to explain a little accident to the melancholia at any rate if this man really desired the solace of her company and certainly he would relapse into his original slower if she withdrew it he would not be more than just a little waxed it would be lightful at least to see what would happen and by her teachings it was good for a man to stand in certain office companion she laughed nervously and slipped out of his reach I shouldn't worry about that picture if I was you she began in the hope of turning his attention it's at the back of all my canvases somewhere find it bass you know it as well as I do I know but but what you've with enough to manage the sale of it to a dealer women haggle much better than man it might be a matter of eight or nine hundred pounds to to us I simply didn't like to think about it for a long time it was mixed up with my life so but we'll cover up our tracks and get rid of everything a make a fresh start from the beginning best end of section 21 section 22 of the light that failed this is a LibriWox recording all LibriWox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriWox.org recording by Chassie the light that failed by Rudyard Kipling chapter 14 part three then she began to repent very much indeed because she knew the value of money still it was probable that the blind man was overestimating the value of his work gentlemen she knew were absurdly particular about their things she giggled as a nervous housemate giggled when she tries to explain the breakage of her pipe I'm very sorry but you remember I was I was angry with you before mr. Torpenhau went away you were a very angry child and on my word I think you had some right to be then I but aren't you sure mr. Torpenhau didn't tell you tell me what good gracious what are you making such a fuss about when you might just as well be giving me another kiss he was beginning to learn not for the first time in his experience that kissing is a cumulative poison the more you get of it the more you want best he gave the kiss promptly whispering as she did so I was so angry I rubbed out that picture with the turpentine you aren't angry are you what say that again the man's hand had closed on her wrist I rubbed it out with turps and the knife faulted Bessie I thought you'd only have to do it over again you did do it over again didn't you oh let go of my wrist you're hurting me isn't there anything left of the thing nothing that looks like anything I'm sorry I didn't know you'd take on about it I only meant to do it in fun you aren't going to hit me hit you no let's think he did not relax his hold upon a wrist but stood staring at the carpet then he shook his head as a young steer shakes it when the lash of the stock whip across his nose wants him back to the path onto the shambles that he would escape for weeks he had forced himself not to think of the melancholia because she was a part of his dead life with Bessie's return and certain new prospects that had developed themselves the melancholia lovely and his imagination than she had ever been on canvas reappeared by her aid he might have procured more money where with to amuse Bess and to forget Macy as well as another taste of an almost forgotten success now thanks to a vicious little housemaid's folly there was nothing to look for not even the hope that he might someday take an abiding interest in the housemaid worst of all he had been made to appear ridiculous in Macy's eyes a woman will forgive the man who has ruined her life's work so long as he gives her love a man may forgive those who ruin the love of his life but he will never forgive the destruction of his work set dick between his teeth and then laughed softly it's an omen Bessie and a good many things considered it serves me right for doing what I have done by Joe that accounts for Macy's running away she must have thought me perfectly mad small blame to her the whole picture ruined isn't it so what made you do it because I was that angry I'm not angry now I'm awful sorry I wonder it doesn't matter anyhow I'm to blame for making the mistake what mistake something you wouldn't understand dear great heavens to think that a little piece of dirt like you could throw me out of stride dick was talking to himself as Bessie tried to shake off his grip on her wrist I ain't the piece of dirt and you shouldn't call me so I did it cause I hated you and I'm only sorry now cause you're cause you're exactly because I'm blind there's nothing like tagged in little things Bessie began to sob she did not like being shackled against her will she was afraid of the blind face and to look upon it and was sorry too that her great revenge had only made dig a laugh don't cry he said and took her into his arms you only did what you thought right I I aimed a little piece of dirt and if you say that I'll never come to you again you don't know what you've done to me I'm not angry indeed I'm not be quiet for a minute Bessie remained in his arms shrinking digs first thought was connected with Macy and it hurt him as white-hot iron hurts an open soul not for nothing is a man permitted to ally himself to the wrong woman the first pang the first sense of things lost is but the prelude to the play for the very just providence who delights in causing pain has decreed that the agony shall return and that in the midst of keenest pleasure they know this pain equally who have forsaken or been forsaken by the love of their life and in their new wife's arms are compelled to realize it it is better to remain alone and suffer only the misery of being alone so long as it is possible to find distraction in daily work when that resource goes the man is to be pitied and left alone these things and some others they considered while he was holding Bessie to his heart though you may know it he said raising his head the Lord is a trust and the terrible God best with a very strong sense of humor it serves me right how it serves me right top could understand it if you were here he must have suffered something at your hands child but only for a minute or so I saved him said that to my credit someone let me go said best her face darkening let me go all in good time did you ever attend Sunday school never let me go I tell you you're making fun of me indeed I'm not I'm making fun of myself thus he saved others himself he cannot save it isn't exactly a school board text he released her wrist but since he was between her and the door she could not escape what an enormous amount of mischief one little woman can do I'm sorry I'm awful sorry about the picture I'm not I'm grateful to you for spoiling it what were we talking about before you mentioned the thing about getting away and money me and you going away of course we will get away that is to say I will and me you shall have 50 whole pounds for spoiling a picture then you won't I'm afraid not dear think of 50 pounds for pretty things all to yourself you said you couldn't do anything without me that was true a little while ago I'm better now thank you get me my head suppose I don't be turn will and you lose 50 pounds that's all get it Bessie cursed under her breath she had pity demands sincerely had kissed him with almost equal sincerity for he was not unhandsome it pleased her to be in a way and for a time his protector and above all there were 4,000 pounds to be handled by someone now through a slip of the tongue and a little feminine desire to give a little not too much pain she had lost the money the blessed idleness and the pretty things the companionship and the chance of looking outwardly as respectable as a real lady now fill me a pipe to bake or doesn't taste but it doesn't matter and I think things out what's the day of the week best Tuesday then Thursday's mail day what a fool what a blind fool I have been 22 pounds covers my passage home again allow 10 for additional expenses we must put up at madam be nice for old times sake 32 pounds all together at a hundred for the cost of the last trip God won't talk stare to see me a hundred and 32 leaves 78 for backstage I shall need it and to play with what are you crying for best it wasn't your fault child it was mine all together oh you funny little opossum mop your eyes and take me out I want the passport and the checkbook stop a minute 4,000 pounds at 4% that safe interest means a hundred and 60 pounds a year 120 pounds a year also safe is 280 and 280 pounds added to 300 a year means gilded luxury for a single woman best will go to the bank richer by 210 pounds stored in this money belt dick cost Bessie now thoroughly bewildered to hurry from the bank to the P&O offices where he explained things tersely Port Said single first cabin as close to the baggage hatch as possible what ships going the Colgon set a clerk she's a wet little hooker is it Tilbury and a tender or galleons and the dogs galleons 1240 Thursday thanks change please I can't see very well will you count it into my hand if they all took their passages like that instead of talking about their trunks life would be worth something said the clerk to his neighbor who was trying to explain to a harassed mother of many that condensed milk is just as good for babes at sea as daily dairy being 19 and unmarried he spoke with conviction we are now quote thick as the return to the studio patting the place where his money belt covered ticket and money beyond the reach of man or devil or woman which is much more important I've had free little affairs to carry through before Thursday but I needn't ask you to help us come here on Thursday morning at nine we'll breakfast and you shall take me down to galleon station what are you going to do going away of course what should I stay for but you can't look after yourself I can't do anything I didn't realize it before but I can I've done a great deal already resolution shall be treated to one kiss if Bessie doesn't object strangely enough Bessie objected and they laughed I suppose you're right well come at nine the day after tomorrow and you get your money shall I sure I don't build and you won't know whether I do or not unless you come oh but it's long and long to wait goodbye Bessie send beaten here as you go out the housekeeper came what are all the fittings of my room's worth set stick imperiously chosen for me to say sir some things is very pretty and some is wore out dreadful I'm endured for 270 insurance policies is no criterion though I don't say oh damn your long-winded ness you've made your pickings out of me and the other tenants why you talked of retiring and buying a public house the other day give a straight answer to a straight question 50 said mr. Peter and without a moment's hesitation double it or I'll break up half my sticks and burn the rest he felt his way to a bookstand that supported a pile of sketchbooks and wrenched out one of the mahogany pillars that's sinful sir said the housekeeper alarmed it's my own 100 or 100 it is it'll cost me three and six to get to that their pile as demanded I thought so what an out and out swindler you must have been to spring debt price at once I hope I've done nothing to dissatisfy any of the tenants least of all you sir never mind that get me the money tomorrow and see that all my clothes are packed in a little brown bullock trunk I'm going but the quarters notice I'll pay for fat look after the packing and leave me alone mr. Beaton discussed that this new departure with his wife who decided that Bessie was at the bottom of it all her husband took a more charitable you it's very sudden but then he was always sudden in his ways listen to him now there was a sound of chanting from Dick's room we'll never come back anymore boys will never come back no more we'll go to the juice on any excuse and never come back no more oh say we're afloat or ashore boys oh say we're afloat or ashore but we'll never come back anymore boys we'll never come back no more mr. Beaton mr. Beaton where did use is my pistol quick he's going to shoot himself having gone mad said Mrs. Beaton mr. Beaton addressed they exudingly but it was some time before the letter freshing up and down his bedroom could realize the intention of the promises to find everything tomorrow sir oh you copper-nosed old fool you impotent academician he shouted at last do you suppose I want to shoot myself take the pistol in your silly shaking hand then if you touch it it will go off because it's loaded it's among my campaign kids somewhere in the parcel at the bottom of the trunk long ago dick had carefully possessed himself of a 40 pound weight field equipment constructed by the knowledge of his own experience it was this put away treasure that he was trying to find and rehandle mr. Beaton whipped the revolver out of its place on the top of the package and dick drove his hand among the khaki coat and breeches the blue cloth black bands and the heavy flannel shirts doubled over a pair of swan-neck spurs under these and the water bottle lay a sketchbook and the pigskin case of stationery these we don't want you can have them mr. Beaton everything else I'll keep pack them on the top right hand side of my trunk when you've done that come into the studio with your wife I want you both wait a minute get me a pen and a sheet of note paper it is not an easy thing to write when you cannot see and dick had particular reasons for wishing that his work should be clear so he began following his right hand with his left the badness of this writing is because I am blind and cannot see my pen even a lawyer can't mistake that it must be signed I suppose but it needn't be witnessed now an inch lower why did I never learn to use a typewriter this is the last will and testament of me Richard Helder I am in sound bodily and mental health and there's no previous will to rework that's alright damn the pen whereabouts on the paper was I I leave everything that I possess in the world including 4,000 pounds and 2,728 pounds held for me oh I can't get this straight he tore off half the sheet and began again with a caution about the handwriting then I leave all the money I possess in the world to you here followed Macy's name and the names of the two banks that held the money it means be quite regular but no one has a shadow of a right to dispute it and I've given Macy's address come in Mr. Beaton this is my signature I want you and your wife to witness it thanks tomorrow you must take me to the landlord and I'll pay for fat for leaving without notice and I'll watch this paper with him in case anything happens while I'm away now we're going to light up the studio stove stay with me and give me my papers as I want them no one knows until he has tried how fine a blaze a year's accumulation of bills letters and dockets can make dig stuffed into the stove every document in the studio saving only free unopened letters destroyed sketchbooks rough notebooks new and half finished canvases alike what a lot of rubbish a tenant gets about him if he stays long enough in one place to be sure said Mr. Beaton at last he does is there anything more left dick fell round the walls not a thing and the stoves Naira hot excellent and you've lost about a thousand pounds worth of sketches ho-ho quite a thousand pounds worth if I can remember what I used to be yes sir politely mr. Beaton was quite sure that dick had gone mad otherwise he would have never parted with his excellent furniture for a song the canvas things took up storage room and we're much better out of the way there remained only to leave the little will in safe hands that could not be accomplished to tomorrow dick groped about the floor picking up the last pieces of paper assured himself again and again there remained no written word a sign of his past life in drawer or desk and sat down before the stove till the fire died out and the contracting iron cracked in the silence of the night and of section 22