 try to keep this brief. Go ahead. As quickly as possible. But so you know, I am legally married, but I've separated past couple of months. And some of you may know my story if you remember me, but no, go ahead. Okay, so this gentleman, father of my children, I have two children with him. He I always I felt like he was with me because he needed a green card. Basically, I felt like financially you felt short. But I don't blame him for that. I blame myself for accepting that from him. And so when I woke up, started watching women like She-Ra. And I said, wait a minute, I felt duped, you know, I said, I deserve better. But at the same time, I know that I need to do better myself. So long story short, you know, I asked him to leave. He left. And all of a sudden he's paying my rent. All of the sudden he's taking care of things that he normally would not have taken care of in the past. To the point where he told me that he won't continue to pay rent for a place that he doesn't live in. And long story short, he's coming back tomorrow from flying in from Massachusetts. Okay. So at this point, I feel like I'm definitely ready to continue to level up to the point where I even want to travel internationally. I want to go to continents like Africa. I have some roots there. And I want to see what else is out there. Okay, so let me get this right. Yeah, yeah, you're married. Legal marriage. Yes. To a man who's not the father of your children. He is. He is the father of our children. Yep. Okay. So how'd you end up watching Sheara 7? How'd you find her platform? You know what's interesting about that? I feel like when you watch one video, it leads from one video to the next. Well, that's how the platform is supposed to work. But how'd you find, what were you searching when you found her? I think, oh my gosh, I can't remember. But you know, I know I was watching videos having to do with, with dating, obviously, but I'm just trying to figure out like what the tag word was, which I just know that I was in the video feeds for dating. And then all of a sudden, her video kept coming up. And I kept skipping over it. Funny enough. And so finally I said, you know what? Let me click on her video. Let me see what she's about. So long story short, as far as the background, you know, on my husband, so he, he was previously married twice. Okay. One of, one of the marriages, he got married in the US and got a divorce in Haiti. Okay. Well, let me, hold on. Let me ask. Okay. You, you, you said you felt like you were duped when you watched you. Okay. But so you were married to a man and you have his children and you feel like you were duped. Why? Why? You know, I felt like by the time that when he met me, you know, I already had a master's degree. I was working as a teacher. In my standard, I was doing pretty good. So I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't in a position where I was struggling. So it's not until I met him. You're talking about money. Money. Exactly. So, so let me get this right. Yeah. You're already married to this man and you have children. But because he's not making what you're making, you felt duped. And the answer is to go travel. No, no, no. Listen, when I say, okay, the reason why I went into the background was because I had applied for his green card. Okay. Which is fine. He's your husband. But he made a stupid mistake. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. He's your husband. I did. I understand that. Okay. But the government said no. Okay. But he's your husband. He's not, not just a lame. He's your husband. So how's he duping you? Okay, maybe I need to go into more detail. Well, cuz he's a thing. I don't particularly have a problem with some of the stuff she was seven says because I'll be honest. She was seven couldn't fuck with a dude like me. She has, she has to do what it meant that that I mean, come on, there's to me and she can tell. And I believe that if she's married, her husband is perfectly fine with what she says. And that's fine with them. But what I'm trying to understand is why I married one with two children felt duped because her husband doesn't make as much as she does. Okay, can I just explain why? Go ahead. So I'm trying to understand. So there were certain situations where I didn't even know where I was going to live. So we lived in a shelter on and off. Okay, hold on. You said I didn't know where I was going to live. We didn't know like where my family was going to live. We actually lived in a shelter on and off. Okay. Three times through some hard times. We went through a lot of hard times. And I finally decided to move to the south, you know, so I could be closer to my dad. Did you move with him? No, no, I live by myself. But you were married at the time? Yes. Okay, so what about that part of the vow that's in sickness and health or richer for poor? I mean, you went through some tough times. So you left your you left and went back to your dad. No, no, I didn't, I didn't even go back to live with my dad. What I did was I just moved to the same state that he lives in without your husband. No, I moved with him. I moved with him. No, no, I just I just wanted to be clear. You decided to you decided to move back closer to home. Was your husband in that move or not? Yes, he was. Okay. Okay. My question is this, because you talk about your husband almost as if he's just a guy, you said, I went through some hard times. We didn't go through some hard times. You decided to move back to be closer to your family. Did that work? It did because okay, so but his but your family is his family too, right? Yes. Okay, so where's the doopy? Where I felt dupe was there were, you know, when you first meet with that person, you have certain goals, dreams, right promises are made. And I felt that at the level that I was at. I felt like I could have done better. Okay, let's just get right to let's just get right to it. You basing you judging this man solely on on your money and achievement. So so what I'm what I got to ask you some straight up questions. Are you still the same size you were when you got married? Are you bigger? Of course, after having no, no, no, no, it's not of course. No, it's not of course, man. It's not of course. Did you gain weight? I gained some weight and then I lost some weight. No, okay, let me just I want to be clear because, you know, he married you one way and you gain weight, right? See, and what I'm and because you're making more than him, I don't understand why you felt duped. I mean, did he lie to you? Yes, as far as the immigration, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about. How do you lie to you about his income? I'm sorry, not not about his income, but more so than you can somebody then you cannot you cannot be duplicitous. I Eli, if he did not tell a falsehood. This is making you look kind of bad, man. You're talking about your husband, the father of your two children, that he duped you because you decide because you went to college. And when you went to school, was that during the marriage? No, no, I had already completed all of my education. Okay, I met him. Okay. So that was already, you know, well into my career at that moment. All right. Okay. But did you have student loan debt? Of course, yes, I do. Okay. And is your husband fully employee? When I met him, yes. And then after a couple of, I'd say about a year, or two years into the marriage, then, you know, his mother fell sick and he left his job. And since he's not working, so he's not so he's not working. Yeah, he wasn't working at, you know, after two years, he just kind of, I'm just, I'm sorry, I'm just being clear. Is he working today? Right now? Yes. Okay. And he was working when you were married? Yes. Okay. And you had student loan debt then too, right? Yes. Did any of his money go to pay any of your student loan debt? No, sir. Okay. So you're telling me that you had a separate account, he had a separate account. He's paid nothing for you over the course of your marriage. Nope, I'm not, didn't put me in the house or anything. And that's not putting you in the house. I'm saying, did you guys have separate accounts? We did. And at a certain point, we did end up having a joint account. Okay, so in that joint account, that means your money went in there and his money went in there, right? Yes. So if you had to make a student loan payment out of that joint account, I don't think you can tell me you had an accounting method to split his dollar from your dollar. It just came out of the dollars. Right? Yes. Yeah. Okay, so let me get this. So, so, so what you're trying to paint is you're trying to paint this man in a position where he did something that you can't even explain what he did. What it comes right down to it is you think you're better than your husband. Because you got a piece of paper and you make more money. That's your right to feel that way. But I would tell you this, it is very unattractive to hear coming from a woman who's saying her husband hasn't done anything to him. He hasn't cheated on you, hasn't lied on you and outside kids. He just happens to make less money than you. Hold on. Sorry. Hold on. Hold on. He just makes, hold on. He makes less money than, he makes less money than you because his education was less than yours. But he did not lie about that. Every, at every turn you've tried to paint this man into a corner of taking or manipulating from you. So let me just put this out there. Let's say you divorced the guy. Because you went she was seven and you went all savage on him, right? Okay. And he's and he put up with that. Let's say you decide to still think you can get out there with two kids. Who gonna date you? Can you can you actually contend with the man like the guys I'm talking about? Will we accept that? Will we accept the one with two kids? College debt gain weight? You got a lot of bad stuff to say about her husband? Would we with any of these men, huh? Yeah, I'm with you. Hold on. Hello. Can you hear me? Did you hear the question I asked? Were the any of the men that you feel like you deserve? Pick you right now? That's a good question. I can tell you know, I can tell you know, I can tell you know, I can tell you straight up know right now because you got two kids. I don't have to. Yeah, I don't have to deal with a schoolteacher with a with a over inflated sense of ego and two kids. I ain't gonna get one fresh off the truck. No kids, no baggage, no superiority complex. I have a suggestion for you, man. Not watching Shearer 7 and start being being grateful that you have a husband and it puts you in the less than 30% of black folks start being grateful for the fact that you have a man who's the father of both of your children. Start being grateful that you have a man who put up with your no offense man but you're you're rather entitled attitude just because you're what do you do again? So right now I teach English online and I'm a recruiter. Teach what? English. Okay. Yeah, and I'm a recruiter. Okay, so are you making $100,000 plus? No. Are you making $75,000 plus? No. Are you making $50,000 plus? No. Where do you get off with this attitude? The reason why you got two kids you got two kids in college debt and you didn't even make $50,000 a year. But I did it one point. I don't care. Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, I understand it doesn't matter right now. Because right now you're older, heavier and more jaded. And that's what I'm saying. If you were to if your husband would have come up and say, you know what? I'm tired of you feeling like you're better than me. Forget it. Mm hmm. And it was to divorce you. Do you think you could actively on this dating market come in and say, hey, I make less than $50,000 a year with two kids, some college loan debt, and my husband walked away from it. Do you think that would actually sell on this market for a single man with options? This is the harsh truth you kind of need to hear. Because you were trying to sit down and you were trying to run this man down at every turn. I suggest what you do, ma'am, is when you get settled, come go back and watch this live stream. And I want you to look at some of the things that people, men and women are saying in the chat. Because honestly, it really sound, um, this is outrageous. Okay. And the fact, and I'll just and I'll tell you why it's outrageous. The fact that you're married, you haven't said this man has been a bad man. He lacks character. And I'm wondering why you're watching Shira 7 and thinking that's going to make a healthy marriage. Again, I have no problem with Shira 7 and her content, but it does not lead to a healthy situation with two middle class people. Do you not understand that? I understand the only tough part for me is how do I reconcile living in shelter with a man who could have done more to avoid that in the first place? This is how you reconcile. You stop trying to be God. The nerve of you. What about what? How about this? How about if people above you start judging you? I mean, let's just be real. How old are you? What age range? Are you in your 30s? Yeah, I'm 34. Okay. About how tall are you? Five three. And about how much do you weigh? Two 10. Oh my. You're five foot three and over 210 pounds. Ma'am, if you were to be judged as harshly on the sexual marketplace value as this man who fell down, because you're judging this man. But what you're not saying is when he fell on hard times, he did not leave. You took the vow for better for poor for richer for poor sickness and health. The good times and bad times to death to your part. You weren't in that shelter by yourself. He was there with you, right? Yeah. Okay. You're right. What and you're upset with him and how long how many years ago was this? How many years have we been married? How long ago were you in this tough time or bad time? How long ago was that? I'd say within a time span of six years of our marriage. So we've moved at least like eight times. Okay, but how long ago were you in the shelter? Oh, just last year. I left last December. Last December black. So I want you to remember the movie from Will Smith, the pursuit of happiness, right? Yeah, movie. People cheered Will Smith on because he was in a homeless shelter with his son because he was there. You had a man that was there. And you're upset because you fell on hard times with your legal husband and your children. Right. And you want to punish him because he failed or had a hiccup or problem? You said yourself that he's working right now. Yeah, right now he is. Okay. No, you don't. You don't, man. You really don't. You started off running down everything he wasn't. And honestly, he sounds and I don't mean to be rude to him. I really don't. He sounds like he's almost too good for you the way you talk about him. He did this. He didn't do that. He's this. He's that. And I don't mean to be rude, man. I really don't. But you make less than $50,000 a year as an online teacher and a recruiter. You're not a high power corporate executive. You are five foot three, 210 pounds with two children. That does not make you a hot mama on the dating scene. I think you really need a reality check. You need a reality check. You need a reality check. And when honestly, if you were my client, I would tell you to go home and apologize to your husband and beg for his forgiveness. Because that man has been there. If you disagree, ma'am, I really strongly encourage you to come back to this chat room and just look at what your female counterparts are saying. And this is what I said far too often. Women in general, too often our sisters in particular feel like they're better than their men because you're making more than him. But you, you knew his situation when you guys got married. He did not do you. Let me just say this. If you were driving home this weekend, do you drive? Yes, I do. Okay. God forbid you were involved in a serious accident and you were paralyzed from the neck down quadriplegic or paraplegic, whatever that is. Do you think your husband would be within his rights to just step away from the marriage and say, well, she's not the woman I married. I feel like I deserve better. Should he leave you? Do you believe that he should leave you because you're paralyzed? Did you say yes? Yes, he would be within his rights. Okay. Okay. Then ma'am, then ma'am, I suggest you really don't understand what marriage is. You wanted a business arrangement. You wanted a partnership. That was there was nothing in your marital vows that you took that gives a man an out for a woman gaining weight and childbirth, being in sickness and in health. Is that not sickness? If you're paralyzed from the neck down. So how can you honestly sit here and say he would be within his right inside the covenant of that marriage to leave you? See, that's what you're not understanding. These things that you put all this value on your so-called degree that ain't making you no real money. I made more money waiting tables than you make with your high fluted degree. Let me check you right there. I made more monies serving shrimp on a weekend than you make with your high powered degree that you had to go spend tens of thousands of dollars to get. So we need to check that shit right there. But if all the things that let us by your name, the things that put you got your ass up on your shoulders, if all of a sudden you were involved in a situation where that didn't matter, and you couldn't lob that over your husband. Well, he still he sounds like the kind of man who would still be there. Man, I suggest he's not the issue. It's likely you. So my my thing is this. I always suggest as nicely as I can serious psychological counseling for both of us, for me and that women, black people in particular, because this is not healthy or normal man. God. And then after you get yourself straight, you guys sound like you need counseling together as a group, practical counseling, and then spiritual counseling, not either or and because you are married. You have two children or those your children in the background? Yep, they're relying on they're relying on them. Do you have a son or do you have a son? Both a son and a daughter. Okay, I understand something. Your son is relying upon his mother to look like his father as the man. Your daughter is looking at the way you carry on and treat your husband as her imprint. For how she takes about man, fearless. I got news for you. You have two babies. It ain't about you no more boo. It's about those kids. You're right. I know. I agree. Yeah, I know. But you're not but you're not spoken like that. When you got on this channel, you wanted to run this man down. And he's still married to you in there. You moved from one place to be around your family. And he and he went. You didn't say you went to be with his family. You left to be with your family. And I'm gonna go I don't live here and say I don't think you probably speak very highly of this man around the kids or even around your family. And he puts up with that. I mean, the nerve of you all five foot three 210 pounds of you. And I say that because I don't think you understand that if you were out here in the dating market with two kids at that height and weight with your debt to income ratio and your earning. No. What do you think about things I just said? Um, I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Okay, I'm really, I'm really considering everything that you're saying. And I can hear that I can surely hear that. You haven't raised your voice or got angry. So I give you all the credit in the world for that because these things are not easy to hear. You know, the other thing too, what you're right about, you know, I think I allowed my family to get involved, you know, to dictate. Yeah, yeah, you know, he's not doing anything for you. Why are you sticking around? I mean, and I listened to that for years. Yeah. Until I finally said, you know what, maybe they're right. So I wasn't at that moment thinking about, okay, how is this going to impact, you know, not just our marriage, but our families and everything. So you sound like, ma'am, this is why we must leave and cleave. This is why it is so important to get away from our families and not involve them anything because see the thing is, you guys can have an argument and you'll forgive him and go make and go make love. Your family won't. The worst thing any of us can do is involve our families in our personal relationships. But the most important thing is this is the holiday season. You got two babies in the backseat who love you both. And he's with you. This man has been there in a homeless shelter with you. Don't you think you'll be on the mountain top with you too? He obviously loves you. Men don't stick around and be honestly abused and treated ill. They don't love a woman. Right. How about give them credit for that? Okay, he doesn't make what you wanted to make. I can hear that. I can hear that. You know, I'm the guy that preaches 60 hours a week. I can hear that. But how about you inspire your husband? Because he loves you, obviously. How about you start worrying about the stuff that really is inconsequential? That's why I made that example about the car wreck because, man, it ain't that much money you're talking about. And I can tell you that I date every weekend with women who are younger, no children in great shape, who would love to have even a whiff of what you have. Don't lose that over nothing. Here's an assignment for you. Okay? Yeah. This is gonna sound crazy. I need you to watch episodes of a TV show on YouTube called Kitchen Nightmares. Watch episodes where families own restaurants. And then watch where Gordon Chef Ramsay comes in and sees this restaurant being run by a family. And then there's one with this Greek family and this man by the name of Sam. Watch the transformation that happens in these episodes when people stop focusing on their petty disputes and squabbles and start working together and come together as a family because that's what you have. A husband, wife, and two children. You have what many people dream of. Start valuing that. Start valuing each other. Learn how to work with the man you have because there was something about you that made you want him to say, I do. Get back to that instead of, you know, and forgive yourself too. You got to forgive yourself for getting on this. I'm better than him. I got a master's and all that other kinds. You got to forgive yourself for that too. But stop doing that. You got to forgive yourself. You got to forgive him. You got to forgive each other. You got to move forward on the same page. Can you do that? Can you try to do that? I hope she can try to do that. She got disconnected. Can you hear me? I can hear you now. Yeah, I ask myself, is this really what I'm supposed to be doing right now? Because, you know, I allowed the chit chat from, you know, external forces. What do you mean? Is this what you're supposed to be doing right now? What do you mean? Question your marriage? No. Yeah. Well, exactly. Try to move on. And I couldn't, I couldn't bring myself to do it. And I'm still faithful to him. That's the crazy part about this. I thought that I would just be able to move on. Well, I think that's when you know it's wrong. You haven't seen things done wrong. See, you really want to garner respect with your family. Tune them out. Tune them out. Detach with love. Let them say what they have to say, but don't involve them in anything else you guys got going on. And then you guys just move forward on your own page. The chatter will die down once they see they can't move you. Can you, can you, can you try just some of the things I've talked about? I can. All right. And I would love to hear some feedback. So, um, my email address is in the, uh, in the description. Watch those kitchen nightmare things. Watch a couple of them by yourself and then watch something with your husband and then just, especially with the family ones and then just see how people get to really focus on what's important versus the stuff to me. Honestly, we're not talking lots of money here. We're talking about middle class living. You know, okay. Well, I appreciate you calling in. Do you have anything else you want to say? Um, well, he's coming tomorrow, so I'm gonna do exactly what you told me to do. All right. That's forgiveness. All right. Well, love on them kids and make it. Make sure your son sees you loving and respecting his father because you don't want that boy to grow up to be a self hating man and make sure your daughter sees it too. So she knows what it looks like to make a mistake, but make it right. Right. It's not all they see and enjoy each other. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Bye bye. Hey, guys, whether look, style or life, whether personal or professional, you can level up and be your personal best each and every day. If you're interested in any of that, do us both a favor. Follow the link in the description and book your one on one session with me. Details down in the description. Peace.