 Good evening and thank you for joining us on Y25 for news updates. My name is Patricia Muriuki and tonight we talk about relationships. We're trying to see, we have Valentine's which is coming up on Friday so I'm sure people have expectations but before we really expect what is our partner going to do for us or what is your husband, that is if you're married, what is your wife, what are they going maybe to give to you. We really like to talk about relationships in the 21st century which is our topic for the night. We're trying to see how do people, how can couples make sure that they have, they're dealing with conflicts in a healthy way. We're trying to see how do people handle communication in a relationship. We talk about compromise and also how do you know when it's time to get out probably of a toxic relationship. You can be part of this conversation tonight by sharing your views and comments on our social media platforms that is on Y25 for channel, hashtag Y25 for news. You can also reach me at Patricia Muriuki. To help us talk about this topic tonight we have very good and I would call them my perfect panelist for this topic and we have Mrs. Hannah Lee who is a relationship coach and an entrepreneur. She has been married for 18 years which means if you're watching us tonight you're in the right place because you'll have tips on how do you also make sure that your relationship is going to last long, even a marriage, how do you also make sure that your marriage is going to be a long term and a very healthy and enjoyable experience. We also have Caroline Stanley who is an entrepreneur and you're going to be joined in a very short while by MC Sefa who is an event planner and the CEO of MC Sefa Event Solutions, a corporate and entertainment MC. Thank you very much guys for finding the time to come today. I don't know if you have expectations for Valentine's which is on Friday. Caroline expectations? Of course. Okay. How many years have you celebrated Valentine's? 18 years. Any expectations for your 18th? This for me I have a lot of expectations. Wow. But I'm a widow and it didn't stop there because now I have a relationship with God and I'm not lonely, I always communicate with Him so I'm confident in that. Okay. So before we really now get to dive in all those things, I would like to talk to you because you are a relationship coach, you have been in a relationship in a marriage for a very long time. What really defines a good relationship? A relationship, when you get into a relationship before even a marriage, the person you're getting relationship with has to become your friend. Where about, you share everything, you talk about everything, there's no secret in your relationship and that's where you start to have a relationship. Okay. The person has to be your friend before you even think about anything else where you can open up your heart and share your life and you can share your life with you, you start from there. Okay. Caroline, for you, the millennials, how do you define or what to you is a definition of a good relationship? First of all, for you to be in a relationship, you first have to understand the sign languages of your love, these the words, the second one we have spoken words. We have the spoken words, we have gifts, if your lover, ama your partner love gifts, ya ni there are so many languages of love, so many signs of languages of love, so you have to understand your lover's language of love. Okay, we've had Caroline mention the five languages of love, we're going to be talking about that, the five love languages, sorry. So, ya, you can look at, you can use that camera there. You've been filming me and I don't know. It's all right, it's all right. So, we have valentines just around the corner and people have expectations. Sometimes in life we talk about do not have expectations but we cannot stop ourselves from expecting. I would like to start with you Mrs. Hannah. What has some, is it all right, let us first start, is it okay to have expectations? Yes, you need to have expectations from that relationship. Otherwise, why are you getting into it? You need to have that expectation of what you're looking for in a relationship and the man that you've met. What quality are you looking for in that person? Is it just love or is there anything else? Is it the future? Are you looking the relationship into a future? So, there is all that to look at in the relationship. Is it a one night stand or is it a long term? Is it a future thing? You need to look at all that. Is it a casual relationship or is it a serious relationship you want to get into? Okay, Karu for you. In terms of expectations, as you expect from your partner, okay, are you in a relationship? We may be talking about it and probably you're not in a relationship. You can't talk about certain things. Yes, I am. Okay, so do you have expectations for Valentine's Day on Friday? Of course, of course, of course. So as you expect, what do you also make sure, what do you do to make sure that as you expect from your partner that you guys are able to create a balance or that it is not just about me waiting for you to gift me, but as a girlfriend that I can also gift you as my partner? First of all, when you are in a relationship, you have to understand your partner as I've said, the sign language. So, for me, I expect gifts because mine is gifts and for him maybe expect time because he's time, amawads. So, yes, I have a lot of expectation and of course, you have to understand your love as emotions. We are in that relationship, we have to balance the emotions. He has to balance mine, I have to balance his emotions. So, in a relationship, it's a way, it's a two-way traffic. So, yeah. Okay, I can see MC Sefa has arrived. So before he gets to join us on set, I would like to ask you, Mrs. Hannah, what is the importance of getting to understand your partner's love language? We have to be open with one another and you share the talk. What do you like about me? What do I like about you? Could be a smile, could be the way you talk, could be the eyes, I don't know the nose, I don't know. Could be even the teeth. Somebody can just like to see you smiling. They like your smile and you start off like that. And, you know, that's how the relationship really starts. You admire a person, maybe the personality, are they loud, are they cool when they talk? What are you looking for in that person? Are they well behaved when they, or is it pretending until you get to know them, then you see the real colors. There is all that to look into. You have to ask each other, question, what do you like about me? What did you see in me? And you start off like that. You know relationship, you are like two little children who have just met. So you really have to make sure that you understand if you are able to relate so well. Understand each other. Exactly. Okay. So I would like us to talk about communication in relationships, which is something that maybe people most people struggle within a relationship. But when we talk about communication in relationships, what do we mean by that? You see, you cannot have a relationship without communication. You have to talk to one another. You could be, maybe you've just, you could have just, maybe you've just met and you're getting all these goose bumps. Yes. Like, should I call him? Should I not? Should I not? Should he make a move? Or should I make a move? There's all that. But somebody has to start somewhere. And then you build up on that. And you get to know slowly, slowly, you get to know each other. What does that person like? And I see some people, especially young people, when they start a relationship, they get so insecure, some of them, and they get emotional too much. You need to have a balance. Don't keep on calling him every minute. Or if he doesn't call, you start demanding. Why don't you call me? Things like that. We break that relationship so quickly. You need to be confident with yourself before you meet the other person. Meet the other person. You have to be so sure of your, not that person, you. Confident in yourself that even that person, when they're looking for you, they're like, wow, this is the kind of person I want to be with. Okay. Not nagging every minute, a phone call, demanding. None of that. Why don't you start nagging the other person who will run away? Okay. Thank you very much. Mrs. Hanakaili moved to your right. Yes, so that we create space for MZ Sefa. Thank you very much Sefa for joining us. You've met us in the middle of the conversation, but we're talking about relationships and briefly about it. And Feb, kuna valentine, tama ni men's conference. Where are we going? Where are we going? Thank you very much for having me. Sorry, I was a bit late. It's okay. Ni kupanga men's conference. Okay, okay. So easy to play from... You're an event planner. You have that to make sure that it happens. Yes. I believe valentine is there and it's quite an important date to celebrate love, the aspect of love whereby you appreciate not only the person you're in a relationship with, but also people around you, people who you maybe appreciate or people who are less fortunate. So yeah, valentine exists and also men's conference exists. Okay. So you balance. Nsi chacha na watu eti men's conference na wana panga valentine skama sepa. So you found Mrs. Hannah you found Mrs. Hannah talking about talking about communication. But before I get to bring you on that, I would like to ask Carol. We know communication is a very big aspect of a relationship. What do you think maybe are some of the things that young people are not doing that is hindering communications in relationships? What could be our thoughts as young people when it comes to communication in relationships? Uh, some of us let me say we don't have for you to be in a relationship your lover is your best friend. So most of us you're not open. Yeah, we lack the openness. You have a problem. You don't want to share it with your love. But the moment you share it with your partner that thing is going to be solved. So the thing is most of us we are not open. Yeah, that's the aspect in communication. You have to be open. You have to tell your lover this is the problem. I need this. I need your time. I need your love. Yeah, you have to talk. Okay, so young people we really need to be to be open. Sefa, your thoughts on what young people probably are not doing that is making communication a challenge in relationships? Well, first I would say that we are not valuing the aspect of relationship that we should be valued because there's a lot of value into it and there's a lot that comes into a relationship than just having someone to maybe text or maybe talk to through tough times or maybe through nice times there's more to that. You need to create a bond with that person and you need to be able to be to put your thoughts together and understand what you really want and what they want so that and see whether it can work together. So I believe that's the first aspect that as youth we need to look into and also the aspect of communication as she says that we need to learn how to communicate everything that we believe is of importance in a relationship. We need to learn the ways of communicating and the ways of solving issues because there's no relationship that is perfect. We have to go through challenges. So we're going to be taking a very short break but when we come back we're going to look at how do people deal with conflicts in a very healthy way in relationships so please don't go far away stay with us on Y254 news. Thank you for staying with us on Y254 news and tonight we're talking about relationships. We're trying to see to really understand so far we've talked about what really defines a good relationships. We've talked about communication so if you're joining us right now you can also be part of this conversation by sharing your views and comments on our social media platforms that is on Y254 channel ashtag Y254 news you can also reach me at Patricia Morioki. So Karo as you continue with this there's one thing that is very important when you're picking a life partner and that is what are the qualities that one is looking for. So for you what do you think are the what do you think is something that young people out here that is young girls and young boys should prioritize as they look out for someone they want to spend time with. When you're choosing a life partner you have to look at so many so many aspects you have to look at someone let me use kisili umtum na faana someone whom if you had you know how to solve your problems and someone whom you can associate with so well. So when choosing a life we all have different views when you want a life partner maybe some of us like tall men others love the short men so we have different views when we're choosing life partners so you have to understand what you like and what you love because that's a it's a long term it's a long term thing so you have to be so careful choose the man you want and choose the man with the character you want. Okay Mrs. Hana I mean for you to have had a relationship or a marriage that lasted for 18 years it must mean that there's really something that you are looking out for and you found it you found it in your in your late husband so would you talk about some of the things that you prioritized and some of the things that stood out for you to choose him? Well the man that I met was a little bit older than me and he was very mature he was a widow a widower right and when we met he used to make me laugh so much every little thing he just cracks jokes and for me that was that was something it wasn't material or anything but we loved each other we would we never used to have telephones like you do now but we would make time we meet over the weekend we go for lunch sometime we go to the club in the current club to just watch he was a golfer I would watch what he was doing playing golf and just communicate with him when we are not together I would you know call him on that phone and say I've missed you you know and stuff like that you know men it's not just a woman even men like to hear that you're telling them I love you they like that so much women are too sometime they forget to tell their men I love you another secret I had I used to maybe I'd go into his court and I would make a little card and I'd put some really nice words and put it in his pocket wow that's so beautiful so when he goes to work he would pick something from his pocket and when he touches it's me who is talking to him so you know that puts a smile in his mouth the next thing in his face the next thing I see flowers are coming home so you have to kinder I hope people are taking that note your relationship you have to kinder your relationship and slowly you grow up together and I'm not going to say it was all roses sometime you have your moments but the most important thing in a relationship also I must mention is financial stable when you don't have money forget it whether you are in a relationship or not you know you can't do without it so you have to have a balance because you have to live you have to eat you have to pay bills you have to take care of children and you have to balance so people should get their money right that I love you I love you I cannot eat love okay we'll be coming back to talk about how to deal with conflicts but before we get there I'd like to talk to self about compromises that people have to make in relationships what do you think really is extreme how far can we stretch when we talk about being that I have to compromise for my partner I would say that relationship in a relationship you get to lead sacrificially in a way that you get to be the one you get to sacrifice for the relationship but is that extent that you can really give in terms of do you get back what you give if I sacrifice something maybe a nabit that I have or maybe something I'm used to to save the relationship will I get an equal treatment from the other side I think we need to learn the balance between that we need to know how far can I go for a relationship and how far how far is enough like how far can I go till like this is too much I'm giving so much and getting very little like I believe for every aspect of sacrifice you need to get an equal measure measure of sacrifice from there that's from your partner I believe that's that's the part where you appreciate and also we can hear from a very and I really love everything that Mrs. Hanna is talking about I hope people are taking notes so Karo let us talk about managing conflicts in relationships because we have very short time left but this is a very sensitive issue it is a very big problem we have seen very many marriages fall apart where a misunderstanding is going to make the wife kill the husband and the children so how do we fight because conflict is a part of life we cannot avoid conflicts in relationships or in marriages Karo, what do you think for young people watching you tonight you've seen your relationship how do you probably when you have some rough times with your partner what are some of the best ways that you guys approach to make sure that you fight in a healthy way let me not say fight like you have to resolve issues in a healthy way okay first of all when there is communication everything will fall will fall into place so if you communicate with your partner everything is going to flow so when we have issues you can talk to we have the counsellors we have our moms yes yeah me mostly I talk to my mom we have we have so many people can help you so the old thing is about you talk about it don't hide it if he has wronged you go tell him my love you've wronged me if you have done this go tell him you've done this and I need this yeah so the old thing is about talking to someone yeah and the someone if you talk to someone then everything will yeah okay mrs. Hannah have been been in a marriage for 18 years I'm sure it was not a bed of roses there are times you'd wake up and you're like how did you manage to go through these tough times what are the best approaches what is the one thing that made you despite the fact that this is a person in a different personality that you're meeting no matter how maybe for sometimes how no matter how angry you could be with them you still got to a point to a buy it's okay it's about us and it's time I think for us to talk about it what made that never get away in a relationship you see when you are hot your mood changes you sometimes you don't even want to see that person but you have to swallow your pride and just be very calm and you just make the first step like I'm sorry the words I'm sorry is very important in a relationship no matter what happens you have to learn to say I'm sorry and you have to say please forgive me those words they are very powerful to amend where the you know where the rope has broken because you want to continue so you have to learn to swallow your pride I know men they don't like to say sorry women are the ones who are always say oh I'm so sorry even for deans they do not do I'm so sorry but men they always have this pride but it doesn't matter even if he's wrong be nice let me tell you he's going nowhere if you know those secrets of saying I'm sorry say thank you those words they are not just there to read when you are in school use them practically and I'm telling you your home will be heaven on earth okay okay if you want your home to be heaven on earth use the words you learned in school very well so say for us this conversation comes to an end in terms of conflicts what should men do better we've had like most men don't like say sorry say sorry doesn't mean you're weak say sorry does not be legally as a man so what do you think now moving forward young people out there who are watching us tonight a young man in a relationship what do they need to do better to make sure that you have in healthy relationships and long lasting relationships well first of all sorry that men don't like saying sorry I believe that it's important that men take initiative the initiative of being the heads of a relationship it's very controversial that when you present the case of the man is the head of the family or maybe the head of the relationship it's very controversial ladies will say you're being you're looking down upon us but it's supposed it's meant to be in a very guided way in that you're supposed to take initiative the woman is the heart of the relationship and the man is the head of the relationship and that you should be able to take action you should be the one to state the way forward you should be the vision bearer of the relationship in consideration of everything that your partner is saying of course yeah so I believe we need to be ready to take initiative and be ready to be the heads of the relationship okay I really like the comments that I'm getting tonight I hope really people watching us are also feel what I'm feeling because I feel there's a lot of impact so I'd like to take final comments and final thoughts on this topic from each one of you we're going to start with Yukaro your last words to young people watching us tonight as far as relationships are concerned yes to the young people like me I just want to tell you if you want to get in a relationship first understand what you want in that relationship if you want it to end in a marriage or you want it you're there just for fun so first of all understand what you want in a relationship before getting into it okay thank you very much Sefa would like to have Mrs. Hannah give a comment in the last turn Sefa what are your final thoughts on tonight's discussion maybe say to the young fellow young ladies and gentlemen out there that when you're choosing a partner or maybe it's time to choose a partner you need to come up with five factors that you really want to have in a partner then you need to narrow down to three which are must and to which will be a next one yeah you can compromise on this one if you use that aspect I believe you'll be able to come up with someone meet someone or maybe get someone who is okay with you and maybe you can work together but don't be desperate it's never it's never that important sometimes okay so Mrs. Hannah from our mother what would you say to your daughters and sons tonight as you wind up I would say to them take your time to look for who you want to spend your life with be a prayerful person and God will lead you to tell you this is the right person for you yeah okay thank you very much and for me my thoughts is that a very great friend of mine told me that while in a relationship you should always they made me do this you have your left arm and then you have your left your left hand and your right hand so if your partner the flaws in your partner these are the flaws in your partner and these are the strengths so the strength in your partner when you feel that they are weak at this point take your strength and you cover them so what I like to say today to young people because we are out there and we in relationships and time is gonna come and you're going to get into marriages and with families always know that it is your responsibility to make sure that you cover your partner that is all we hand for you tonight and as valentine is coming up I hope that you're going to celebrate if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend send flowers to your mother send flowers to your dad to your friends to your favorite colleague yeah and that is all we hand for you tonight my name is Patricia Morioki do have yourselves a very good night