 Yesterday, we finally had ended at a point where we said that excessive usage of withdrawal could basically make you realize that the person is not using withdrawal as a defense mechanism rather withdrawal is being used in a maladaptive form. Today, we are going to focus on the same issue, but from a little different angle in a sense that if I have to find out who are the people who are near and dear to me and are withdrawal type or they are the ones who tend to avoid things or they seem to be much more in a compromising fashion. Basically, this is driven by the idea that I feel concerned about somebody who is very close to me and then you also realize that the person concerned shows this type of a tendency. One important thing that has to be understood is that there are personality differences. The major classification being that one could be introverts, the other person could be an extrovert and there could be a possibility of somebody being an ambivert showing some characteristics of the two. Now, introvert individuals are usually very quiet type individuals. Therefore, everybody whom you come across and you find that the person concerned happens to be a very quiet and a very retiring type of a person. One should not consider that they are defensively withdrawn. So, this could be a misclassification if you consider that everybody who seems to be very quiet and everybody who seems to be retiring type of an approach who takes in life does not mean that the person concerned is withdrawn in nature. Rather, it could be a manifestation of the personality profile of the individual. You have certain type of personality characteristics which makes you like this and therefore, it need not be defensive withdrawn. Now, because some of the major psychotic symptoms, they have that dominance of the withdrawal behavior pattern, non-aggressive and introvert individuals are sometime misclassified as mal adjusted. So, this is basically a word of caution that one should not consider introverts individual, individuals who are otherwise very quiet, individuals who would not be very proactive in terms of approaching you, gelling with the environment. That does not mean that they are mal adjusted individuals. Usually in hostel setup for example, say if you have a wing where you have 10, 12 hostel mates staying there in different rooms and you find that 10 of you very talk loudly, will come out, approach each other's room, try to interact with each other as much as possible and then you realize that you have somebody in the wing. He usually will not take the initiative of knocking your door, will not take initiative of asking you that can we go out and have food outside or let us just play something or let us enjoy in different, different forms. Rather, if you knock his door or her door then she would be willing to come out spend time with you, but on her own he or she will not take this proactive measure of approaching you and saying that find let us go ahead and have fun like this. You would find that there are people like that who would otherwise if invited they will very easily go and mix with the environment, but they themselves will never take initiative. Such people should not be classified that he seems to be withdrawn right from the day one of the semester he was like that. There could be no this type of a misclassification that should not take place because that shows the personality characteristics of an individual and therefore it is not an indicator of withdrawal tendency. We are not going into the details of it, but there are two interesting things in psychology. If you are interested read about it and if time permits will at some time when we would be coming to know how self plays an important role at that time we might discuss this issue two important things. There is a very interesting personality test called Meyer Briggs type indicator popularly known as MBTI. Now MBTI is a very interesting type of psychological test which is very much used in the corporate sector and it is used for multiple things. It is used for identification of the personality profile of the individual you can make out what type of person this concerned person is at the same time. It is also used for no picking individuals whom the group thinks of giving some extra responsibility. So, say for example there are institutions where if the CEO has to be selected or if say the some person who has higher stake involved in the position for selection of those people they invite the applicants to undergo MBTI. So, I know what type of person you are and in certain type of situations how would you react and accordingly I would decide of course besides your performance besides your experience that whether you should be given this job or not. There is another interesting test in psychology it is called Johari's window again popularly used in the corporate sector. Johari window is a very interesting type of thing which you can very easily use especially for predicting some degree of dynamics in the group. Johari window does it does is that it has a list if I remember correctly 56 items are there just words 56 words they are adjectives basically. What you have to do is that you have to choose those adjectives 5 to 6 adjectives that defines you according to you you consider that these 5 or 6 adjectives they define me. Then your friends are given the same list and they are told that choose 5 to 6 adjectives that defines him. So, say for example if I am the person know for whom this evaluation is being done. So, I will look at the list of 56 adjectives and take that these are the adjectives that defines me as an individual the list is given to you and then you take know on 6 to 5 to 6 adjectives that according to you defines me. Then you would have another set of 5 to 6 adjectives that will say that this is know what know I think people know about me, but perhaps people do not know it and the last set would be those adjectives that neither people know about you nor you know about yourself. So, basically what happens you have something like a 4 box plot you have 4 boxes. So, how you perceive yourself how others perceive yourself what you do not know about yourself, but others know and what neither you know about yourself nor others know about you. So, the darker side of you or the unknown side of you it is a very interesting type of a thing because it then tells who are the individuals if they are given a group activity who are the individuals who would work very smoothly. So, if I have to say if I have 59 students in the course and if I have to give a group task using that know Joe Harris window I can very easily say that find these 5 or 6 people I will put together because this seems to be a very coherent group based on each others rating of themselves. So, usually what happens that know when you start looking at individuals there is a probability that you might not be seen by others the way you perceive yourself. So, I might find myself that find know I have too many things to do or I do not find meaning standing in the corridor and talking till late in the night and then claiming that I sleep usually at 2 in the night the truth might be that although I am awake till 2 o clock in the night, but I study only for 1 hour or 2 hours rest of the time I waste according to me and according to you I invest with friends and therefore, there could be a mismatch in the perception itself. Now, I have a reason why not to approach you and invest more and more time with you and you have a reason to misclassify me that why I tend to avoid you that truth might be that I do not tend to avoid you or in a given situation I do not show know generous withdrawal tendency rather I am know investing my time in something else and therefore, such a misclassification should not take place. The personality make up of the individual has to be given importance that by temperament you are like this by trade you are like this and hence you are accepted the way you are you cannot be misclassified having know discussed all this now we would come to the primary causes responsible for withdrawal usually it has been realized that prolonged illness physical handicap and previous experiences of social isolation might predispose a child to avoid activities and situations know where you have social involvement where you have a competitive type of a scenario. What happens usually say when you run with the stream you know about others others know about you and therefore, know moving ahead with the group is not difficult at all. So, that type of a social scenario where there are set of people who have know been together for know quite long period of time it is very easy to understand each other to predict each other's behavior to demand certain things from each other to accept each other's view point. But if you are a stranger or say if you have been grafted later on in that situation it is very difficult for you to gel with it and therefore, say if you are for some reason if you have not got the chance to stay in that group for long you could show withdrawal tendency when you are put in that type of a situation. I would know state a very interesting story to you I do not know how interesting it might appear now that was the time when I was in class 11th and those were the days when these channels were not available only Dur darshan was available and on Sunday evenings I do not now remember the time, but perhaps it used to be 5 or 5.30 in the evening when a movie used to be screened so every week on Sunday evenings you would have a movie on the television set. Now I realized that Monday morning the movie screened on Dur darshan last evening happened to be the topic of discussion in the class. So whenever the teacher is missing or the gap that you find between departure and arrival of two teachers or the lunch break or in the cycle stand everywhere know the topic of discussion uniformly happened to be the movie that was screened last evening. Somehow at that point of time I was not so interested in movies I do not know why because now I find myself very much interested in those days I was not so interested in movies, but because of this type of a group dynamics I ensured that every evening I would also watch the movie because otherwise you are an isolate in the group know everybody talks about one or the other you know screenshot and they discuss it and then you find that you are completely lost you do not know what actually happened and it was not only me after few months we realized that everyone was forced to watch the movie simply because this is what was happening in the class know somebody would know trigger a discussion and because it happened last week therefore it has to happen this week because it has happened for two weeks therefore it will happen in the third week and it became a ritual much later we realized that this was a foolish act on our part. But the entire one year all of us kept on watching movie. Now this is basically know the I would consider that this is an attempt desperate attempt by members of a group to ensure that they are not left isolated you feel that you are part of the group and the group can easily you know accommodate you because you also talk about things which the group is comfortable talking about, but imagine the situation if you have experienced a prolonged illness somebody diagnosed with cancer told to undergo chemotherapy and for this reason he or she cannot know come to the class for the entire semester forget about the administrative part of it where you have a sanction leave you have this option you have that option we are not talking of those options you come to the class for two days then you have a prolonged absence and then suddenly in the month of April once again you come to the class you find as if you are lost you take time to gel. So, if you one has experienced prolonged illness there could be a problem that you have know you are somewhere you have experienced life in such a way that you tend to appear withdrawn in most of the situations where most of the people will know fly like butterflies and interact with each other. Similar is the case with know physical handicap imagine know you are very active partner of a group involved in all types of group dynamics one evening you decide to go to have tea somewhere or dinner somewhere in the city you meet an accident and finally both your legs are imputed we are taking extreme examples right now know and then you never remain what you are or you yourself have experienced extreme social isolation because of certain reasons I do not know how far do you are aware of this thing that there was a time in our country I think it was 91 92 it was the time when the government had accepted know adopting the recommendations of the Mandel commission for reservation in education and job and there was a huge protest everywhere so all academic institutions had no extreme degree of protest that was seen I happen to be a undergraduate student at that time just know from my plus two to undergraduate days that was the time when all this happened and in my university in the hostel there was a very interesting type of a system I do not know who had thought of it but at that time also I did not find a merit in it today also I do not find merit in it I am not criticizing those who designed it that way but even at that time when I was a student I did not find why it should be done like this today when I look back again I do not know respect that type of an arrangement I do not have an appreciation for that the arrangement was what you have a hostel okay and there were no the bathroom area in two or three different zones okay so say if you have a rectangular type of a building okay on one side you have the main entrance and on the three sides in the center you would have the bathroom areas now these bathroom areas okay had no the basins on the corridor and the commodes and then the bathing area okay multiple of them now for some reason the university had decided that those who would be admitted into the courses in of the university under the reserved category okay they will be given room next to the bathroom okay so you have the bathroom definitely there would be two rooms on each side one each okay so all these rooms were given to those students who came under this scheme that is why I had asked my warden why why is this type of an arrangement okay and I was told that this is to know make their life much more comfortable here because they are very close to know the facilities that the hostel provides but in turn what happened rest all those who were not occupying the rooms and had not come through the this very government scheme okay there was a very clear line of divide okay so if you are in those rooms means you are under the some reserved category if you are not in those rooms then this means you belong to the general category okay and I still remember that you know invisible line of division did exist okay so unless and until you are academically very bright okay where you would be accepted by the larger group okay otherwise you know you feel isolated in the lecture halls because people do not consider know you to be friendly with in the hostel you are in a different type of a room where nobody feels going to those rooms and nobody entertains you and you have that hesitation of you know knocking your wing mates and talking to them great line of divide okay now if you one has experienced life like this I am sure those of you who have some rural connection no will know this that in the rural part of India I would say 15 years from now 15 years in the reverse direction from now there happen to be very stringent practices primarily designed for those who belong to certain other castes in the society so there would be few privileged castes who would dominate and Mukhiya is not the elected ones right now some system of know making the Mukhiya's okay so these dominant people would become the Mukhiya the head of the village they will have their own group four five members again belonging to the other castes and then there was a long list of people belonging to the what is called as lower castes okay who won't enjoy these privilege okay and different type of know oppressive mechanisms I still remember somebody say if my house is located in this corner of the village okay and if people of the lower castes are supposed to cross the road okay they will take out their slippers in their hand okay walk barefoot on the road till they cross my fence then they will put the slipper down wear it and then move on the road this is great degree of humiliation today if you think if you are asked whenever you cross the residence of this man take out their slippers you will feel insulted why should I okay the only place where we take pride in removing our shoes is the places of worship okay otherwise we don't take pride in removing our shoes okay even to the extent that I shouldn't say this on record but I would like to mention know that even in at locations where you are supposed to remove your shoes operation theaters for example okay that testing labs for example where you have all type of know biological tests taking supplementing your medical report okay you would find that when you arrive as a patient you are supposed to follow the protocol but you would find you know the security staff of the hospital of the lab the cleaners of the lab hospital they take pride in going with their shoes in the operation theater and coming out they are not concerned about it okay so except for place of worship okay you would realize that we find a system here where you do not follow ideally which you should have followed whereas you deliberately force somebody to know remove the shoes on the private on a public road okay simply because this house belongs to somebody from the upper caste and you cannot move okay with sleeper this is insult to me southern part of India had even worst type of mechanism when the people from this Brahmin families they used to take bath in the river okay and when they used to go back to the temple and back to their home okay anybody from the lower caste should not cross the road at that time know if the sun is on the other side and if the shadow of the person falls on me I become impure so strict was the rule so that would primarily mean that when people from the Brahmin community in that those southern villages would move on the road nobody else is supposed to move this is far more stringent than the jet plus security movement in our country okay so if somebody experiences this type of social isolation from early days you are bound to remain withdrawn throughout your life you cannot become no very very proactive in your later life simply because you have experience extreme forms of no adversities in life okay and therefore you would find that these three becomes more and more you know dominant source of withdrawal behavior you remember during the same thing we were discussing about somebody who has been in prison for long okay so one you are removed from your no immediate environment that is one and two because also this has great degree of disrepute that has come to you that has come to your family okay and then you have no other choice but to remain withdrawn in your life okay there was a very interesting study in psychology basically done on baby monkeys but it's extremely important I would just know share it with you very briefly very old study in this study what happened that wire mesh mother was kept in a cage you have seen these wire meshes you know put around the new saplings planted on by the side of the roads so that the animals don't eat those saplings similar type of wire mesh was put in the lab okay so say for example if I am the wire mesh so up to this level it's all wire mesh the face was that of a mother monkey okay situation one situation two where you have the wire mesh but then you have no the furry cover over it okay so some fur has been put over the wire mesh it would be softer like this now a baby monkey was put in the cage and that and then suddenly there used to be a loud noise in the cage out of extreme fear the baby monkey would run to the wire mesh mother this is not a real mother not a natural mother it will run to the wire mesh mother and it will hold it okay it's you can imagine no small babies in extreme fear holding their parents no so just hold the wire mesh mother and later on it was realized that these baby monkeys when they became adults okay the behavior of monkeys who repeatedly hold it the wire mesh compared to the baby monkeys which hold it wire mesh mother with the furry cover and compared them to the baby monkeys who had real mothers okay the temperament of these three group of monkeys okay were completely different in their adulthood okay we are not touching upon that issue but just to tell you that there is there are very good literature in psychology hardcore research based no evidence that talks about something called sensory deprivation okay and sensory deprivation basically means that if you are not exposed to certain type of a stimuli and therefore certain no functions of your physiological system has not been activated then for the remaining part of your life you do not use them because it is unethical to conduct such studies on human beings so all these studies have dominantly been conducted on animals interesting examples would be like say a tadpole okay oh so one eye was folded okay so you green cap was put over one of the eyes of the tadpole so the tadpole would move in the water tank okay and if it has to say look at the right side it would turn the neck and then look at the right side because the right eye was blinded after some time this cap was removed and then it was realized that although biologically the eye was perfectly okay the tadpole used to know turn the neck to see the right side of its body okay these are severe consequences of sensory deprivation there are good amount of literature in psychology pertaining to our Indian context which has to do with the effect of deprivation on the psychological growth of human babies no and these are basically no both types of deprivation families which have undergone great degree of malnutrition and family who have been socially discriminated okay and in social psychology will find good amount of no empirical evidence on this even with respect to our own country we have such type of empirical evidence that simply you experience socialized solution for long your entire approach towards life changes okay so these three things can you know really make you be drawn like anything now seclusive adjustment might develop as the most satisfactory behavior pattern that have weak handicapped or socially unsophisticated person can achieve okay so the best part that you can do is that you seclude yourself and your seclusion makes you realize that you are adjusted if I do not go out if I do not mix up with people if I do not interact with them so fine I have safeguarded myself I have not no experience the heat of no being you know an odd man out in the group and therefore I have succeeded adjustment but if you start repeating it is a withdrawal symptom now another way of looking at it now we are turning the sides no of the table now you look at it from somebody who really uses withdrawal tendency as a system of adjustment as a mechanism to adjust now as long as people find that their adjustment is satisfactory even though you might consider that I am not adjusted but if I consider that I am by and large adjusted and I do not feel inferior because I am capable of doing something or because I am not capable of doing something okay and the important clause is that I do not become socially withdrawn so I participate in all types of social engagements okay I do not deprive myself of the opportunity of self-expression and development if I am able to manage this then moderate degree of social withdrawal is okay okay so you are not going to extreme withdrawal extreme withdrawal would be an indicator of a psychotic syndrome but what you are doing is that you are adopting moderate degree of withdrawal mechanism all you are doing is that although you are using moderate degree of withdrawal you yourself is convinced okay that my degree of adjustment is okay 1 2 I do not have a sense of inferiority 2 with riders the riders are that I do not withdraw from social scenarios okay and I do not deprive myself of the opportunity of self-expression and development if these two things are managed okay with these two riders then moderate degree of withdrawal practices are perfectly okay it is not going to hamper your you know productivity hamper your psychological state but if you remove the riders then it becomes a cause of concern because if you remove the rider this means that in most of the social situation when large number of people of the society will interact you will you know tend to remain absent from that situation 1 2 whenever you know there is a need for you to express yourself you refrain from doing so okay and there are opportunities that you could have exploited to evolve as a better individual to develop but you didn't do that okay so if you go for withdrawal tendencies like this then it could lead to certain type of psychological disorders I am sure you must be remembering there were several cases like that the recent case that we had in Delhi when two sisters were recovered from their houses for months and months together they had not come out of their house they were close to starvation they were no very close to death you remember this case okay now if you start no withdrawing like this this means for months altogether you do not come out of the house people in your neighborhood in your society have never seen your door open okay now this is basically completely rejecting all opportunities of social interaction you are socially withdrawn you deprive yourself of the opportunity of self expression the opportunity of growth okay so you have compromised with both the writers you are not you know satisfying them okay so even though you consider that I am adjusted you are not okay and your withdrawal finally leads to this type of a consequence there was no sometime back there was a news know that popular actress of Easter years of Bollywood no she died in her apartment and two days after her death if I remember correctly okay the neighbors reported that there are there is some foul smell coming out of the house when the police had broken the doors to realize that this Easter years celebrity is lying dead on the bed okay again the neighbors said that no last time when we saw her was these many months ago okay you irrespective of whatever type of life experience you had the moment you remove these two writers however convinced you are that I am adjusted you start moving towards the neurotic psychotic end of the problem okay it is no more or normal adjustment you move towards psychological disorders in many cases certain degree of social isolation might be an intelligent compromise okay so intellectually there could be a situation that you realize that fine I would maintain certain degree of isolation why because I need to know prove that I am not what you think of or I am just like you the fact that I remain completely insulated from my surrounding okay could be no good enough an intellectual exercise from my side because it is a well thought action okay that I am compromising with the situation you want me not to go out of the house not to talk to my boyfriend or girlfriend fine I won't go out of the house okay so here you are following certain degree of isolation but this isolation is a well thought isolation okay and this is an intelligent compromise and therefore you are not paying a psychological price for it you are not going towards aberrated forms of behavior the most severe defense withdrawal behavior pattern are emotionally induced and it is severe in terms of it solves basically the anxiety reduction function so basically defense withdrawal patterns okay which will have intense emotion involved with it and the basic function that these withdrawal tendencies these avoidance tendencies these intelligent compromises are supposed to perform is that it should finally succeed helping you reduce the anxiety that you are experiencing in that type of a situation if you are able to attain that okay you have basically adopted avoidance withdrawal and compromise as a technique of satisfying your needs and therefore you have no try to retain the level of adjustment that you were enjoying besides this there could be some major experiences of life okay that can force you later on in your life to remain withdrawn or to avoid certain types of things mostly it has to do with how you as a child experience interaction with your parents and your immediate environment first abusive discipline in all families children are supposed to know later on be disciplined and usually it is one of the parents who becomes the leader in terms of disciplining the child and it is usually the social convention is that one child will become sorry one of the parent will become stringent the other parent will become permissible okay usually the father becomes a stringent so all commands coming from the father okay and the mother will know play that soft role so that in case of dissatisfaction grudges and all those you go to your mother you release your feelings okay but then father will keep on keep on drawing lines that you have to know walk within these boundaries and this is how you learn how to get disciplined but if there are abusive discipline patterns in the family okay if the parents start know using abusive language for you simply because they want to discipline you or immediately you are being know physically punished generous uses of slaps okay it could be within your family it could be when the visitors are there or when you yourself is a visitor to some other place and parents takes liberty of know exercising whether they have free movement of the wrist or not okay such type of abusive discipline can make you know very very withdrawn in nature know because you would always hesitate because of your early childhood experience whether I should really interact and how intense know the outcome of my reaction in this situation would be or how bad the result of the my involvement in this situation could be similarly even for know school days experiences also know if you experience know schools where you know you are allowed to share your feelings where physical punishments are not allowed okay not at all administered you develop as a different individual compared to schools where know for any minor of the mistake the minimum quantum of punishment is three sticks I am told by a friend of mine who works in a school that he works in a prestigious school run by one of the corporates here in India and he told me that in his school there is a place which is unofficially called by teachers as caning place why because the maximum visibility from all the classrooms is from that spot so if a student has to be punished the student will be brought to that spot and then the teacher will punish so that most of the school students in sitting in other classes they can see you being punished now this is extreme degree of abusive punishment so if I scold you in isolation this is a tolerable experience compared to when you are know scolded in a smaller group but if you scold me you know you call everybody in the outreach auditorium ask me to come to this stage and then scold me its extreme degree of abuse so abusive discipline if you one has experienced in life there is a greater likelihood that that individual will use compromise withdrawal and avoidance very generously compared to others verbal mistreatment you have not been physically abused but you have continuously experienced all types of slangs for yourself ok people were harsh in terms of bad words people were harsh in terms of know cutting your sentences in between and then bulldozing you verbally if you have experienced even verbal mistreatment usage of avoidance compromise withdrawal will maximize in your life if the physical punishment continues for little longer so it started when you were say six months old when you urinated on in the bed and the father slapped you back this is not the right place okay to when you do something wrong in the class and the teacher know slaps you to when you say in the hostel that fine I do not feel hungry and therefore I can't eat all that has been given to me in the plate and the hostel what it was you stand up okay you are born at a better time know in this country when at least legally there is a band that you cannot use physical punishment although it is being used in many many places but our generation had bad time because this was considered to be a mechanism to discipline children and our previous generations had even was time okay because the parents will take practicing oh if teacher has slapped you great you are worshipped no you are blessed will become good okay all types of weird types of things no so over generations gradually things have improved by I think by the time your children come to school or when their children come to school by and large is physical punishments perhaps India will get rid of it but think of another interesting mechanisms when you are not physically punished when you are not receiving continuous physical punishment when you are not receiving verbal mistreatment but the parents they withhold their affection or they withdraw their affection long back that was the first year of schooling of my son he did something in this whole which is not pleasant okay he was involved in a fight with one of his classmates and at the end of the school or when I went to collect him okay the teacher told me that this is what has happened and I came back home I told it to my wife and then we decided that what we will do is that will confiscate all his toys and lock it and we told him that see this is what you have done in the school today the teacher has complained to us and it's very bad it's not something that one should do and therefore you don't deserve playing with toys so all his toys okay we had put it in a trunk and we locked it we did provide him food water milk everything but all we ensured was that we had minimal conversation with him and believe me within one hour one and half hour it was extremely I could see how painful it was for him okay the three four year old child when he did sorry for his act and he promised that he will never you know get engaged in such type of activities and the moment he did so immediately we opened the trunk all the toys were available to him we were as friendly as we were but imagine that one and half hour of discomfort no psychological discomfort and since then he has never been involved in such type of activities okay now when you withhold your affection it could be very very painful imagine I don't know if you had seen this show by Yamir Khan no Satamev Jayate when there was an episode on love marriages and two couples had come there you know adult couples newly married crying that since one and half year has passed since our marriage and our parents have just deserted us okay we want to say sorry to them through your channel and please accept us okay now this is also no completely no withdrawing affection you are my child okay I love you like anything but the day you go ahead with your marriage of your own choice my affection is withdrawn we are strangers okay now if you have this type of withdrawal experiences withholding experiences of affection in future you might always calculate whether this act will break down the relationship between us between any two of us or not and therefore again withdrawal tendencies avoidance compromise can very generously be used in consistency in treatment I as a child do the same thing but in one case you don't scold me the other case you scold me third case you slap me fourth case you deprive me of food fifth case you ask me to stand out of the house okay act remains the same say for example the child asks you that fine can you give me 5 rupees today I want to go to the canteen and I say you take your lunchbox and will take you to some other decent place of eating because we don't know what type of food is being provided in your canteen situation one situation to can I have can I have 5 rupees I want to take it to my canteen everybody you ask for money I don't know what you are asking for you are always interested in money you are not interested in school the child thinks are a last time I asked he was no explaining it to me why I shouldn't we get 5 rupees today he scolds me situation 3 papa can I get 5 5 and then sometime later again you ask go out go out okay you make the child stand out of the house locked the door inside now ask for 5 rupees there okay every time you are interested in 5 rupees and poor child will never understand that what happened no because same situation okay and all four different types of responses the worst would be when the father says 5 rupees 5 rupees and you say nay nay nay I won't I don't need it okay you go out and then you find your mother standing there and tells you bet I know 5 rupees don't tell it to your father it happens in the families now imagine the plight of a child you know who will not understand what was wrong is carrying 5 rupee wrong is demanding for 5 rupees wrong is asking father for money is wrong okay is hiding something from father is wrong great great confusion no now if you have inconsistencies like this in the nurturance of the child you remember we had talked about the super ego which basically gives you the moral principles no guiding principles now if you receive inconsistency in your treatment in the childhood days you will have great difficulty drawing lines because most of the lines would be blurred for you okay because once your father had drawn it here mother had drawn it here okay somebody had drawn it here the same parents draw drew the line sometime here you don't know where the line exists and because you don't know this where to draw the lines therefore every time there would be a mismatch between what the expectation is and what you come forward in order to know remove this discomfort you might start using avoidance withdrawal or compromise in the later situations okay what is more important is that if the punishment is predictable you can tolerate it if you know that father invariably slaps so then you say something and then you say yes you wait for the slap no it is a tolerable part of the experience but then if it is random okay you were playing and suddenly it comes and laps you okay it invokes greater degree of sense of punishment and therefore great degree of anxiety in you okay we have you know just one last slide to discuss so Friday we will discuss only the abnormal part of withdrawal tendency and avoidance and rest of the Friday's day Friday we will be used for discussion pertaining to this very topic