 Even if playing a game allowing animal characters, Tai Chihuahua is not a good concept. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with me, Grimlock! Dwarves do not get beard cancer. At the parties to frequently meet with Queen Victoria, I cannot play a Texan. My warrior cleric will not pick his datey solely on the god's BAB. My Viking Skald will not take liberties with the runic alphabet. My character cannot give another character the alcoholic disadvantage during play. I will not tell the newbie to roll his taco. I will not base my superpowers off of Christ, even my character is nothing like him. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels. When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be the Charleston. The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my brawl skill. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending. No giving my Roman glider the short disadvantage of naming him Minimus. I am not the Lord of Rodley Might. Not allowed to name my character's Grimlock. I cannot make cold shots to their self-esteem. Affirmative action does not require me to play a drow. Dual-wielding party members is also frowned upon. Under no circumstances my medical joint allowed a groin-mounted rectal thermometer. I will not convince the entire party to play Amish for the Cyberpunk campaign. Not allowed to parry at the wrist. When I am rescued, the correct response is thank you, not took your freaking time. I will not ask my gun for advice. Getting a non-stop Rocky Horror Fest for Staked Vampires is outside the budget for most somebody. If an NPC is known as The One, I cannot volunteer to be The Two. Even if the rule the loud, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the warple option for a forklift. I cannot buy every single advantage during character creation. My character is not from Duncan, Ohio. I cannot earn bonus XP for catching air with an MBT, so stop trying. No making up, no mis-subraces. Despite being a staple of comic books everywhere, I cannot teleport objects in front of naked people. I cannot increase my comeliness by growing a porn stash. When I level up, I can't just copy the guy next to me's choices. I cannot make a dungeon crawl easier by opening a rival dungeon and hiring away all of his guards. If a power gamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock. The cause-to-z spell cannot inflict nitrogen narcosis. Even if I spend the points, I cannot start married to any of the X-Men. Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up for automatically party knowledge. A full minute of stunned silence means, my god, what did you do? Not please continue. When prompted for a target by the guided missile, the naughty bitch is not a valid choice. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything. There is more to buying rations and ramen, spam, and beer. I will not cast gate to buying an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn. No going 100% trace around on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors. Dead party members, while effective or not appropriate anti-grenade measures. Perform skill does not apply to the following. Performance art, spoken word, or fan dances. I cannot have a what-would-ay-oh-do bracelet. It is not physically possible to cook off an accordion. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders. Cannot install low jack on the dragonkin. If my character's drought wife finds I let my niece appear in a gnomes gone wild video, my death will not even warrant a saving throw. No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of Rush. Even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm. Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a Geiger counter, I can't have it. There is not a take your daughter to work day for adventurers. If the ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't offer his accordion. Can't hire a sentient black pudding to be the ship's janitor. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce. Swirth neblin. Pass without trace doesn't work on bad checks. I can't make anyone Jewish with a call shot. The Lutherans don't have an inquisition. My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3AM on PBS. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self-supporting blood bank, I cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish. My first wish cannot be, I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish. All three of my wishes cannot involve alpacas. The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars. I will not secretly maize the wizard familiar, drew his companion or paladin's mount just for a laugh. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry one hundred pounds of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties. Improved evasion does not work against SAVE vs. DM. Get dressed quickly in the dark is not an advantage. Bonus, benefit, feat, skill, perk, or merit. Even if I am a near-immortal demigod with the power to create an entire world with a thought, still bad to throw a party when dad's away without permission. Can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel. No matter how stupid the PCs comment, it doesn't provide an attack of opportunity. Rectomancy is not a school of magic. Pimp my Death Star is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this. A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll. No fill on the paladin's stocking with coal on Christmas to make him wonder what he got to atone for. I can't thwart the rebel alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover. Can't intimidate the evil wither just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned. On second thought, a minotaur architect is a really bad idea. No using psychic power before the adventure to figure out who to take life insurance out on. Cannot spend extra money to get the optional flay setting from my pistol. No taunting the first level magic user with mighty bold talk for a guy with only four hit points. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it? If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale. I cannot convince the rival party our Q-ship has just named that because it's piloted by John Delancey. The fibulators do not allow me the use of the cleat feet. No matter how well I roll, other PCs cannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands for me. Tensors' herniated disc is not a real spell. True to fluff or not, my berserker cannot take the beekeeping skill. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile anything. No dual wielding whips until I at least have proficiency with them. The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a drowl matron mother. Any adventure ends up with my character being worshipped as an orc god with just a dream retroactively of need be. Can I start the new adventure with me trying to run down whoever didn't show up for the last adventure?