 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Feeling low. Feeling tense. These hate words are... Level best. That's just how you'll feel when you light up a lucky. Because lucky's fine tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. It's important to know that fine tobacco can do this for you. And L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Smooth, mild, thoroughly enjoyable tobacco. So next time you buy cigarettes, ask for the cigarette of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike, and get on the right level, the lucky level, where things seem right and are right because you feel right. Yes, smoke a lucky to feel your level best. The program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny is flying to New York City. So let's go out to Jack's home in Beverly Hills, where we find him packing for the trip. Mary and Rochester are helping him. Now let's see. One, two, three. What else do you want me to do, Jack? Nothing now, Mary. One, two, three. Or shall I pack you? Just a minute, Rochester. Four, five, six, seven. Seven. That ought to be enough. Now why don't you take the whole box? How much does Kleenex cost? Mary, it isn't the cost of the Kleenex. I'm going by plane, and they charge you extra. You know, if your luggage weighs over 40 pounds. See, it's 79 cents a pound in New York, unless you get off at Chicago, then it's 57 cents. Or Kansas City, it's 46 cents. Why don't you go to New York and send your clothes to Albuquerque? Same. Oh, stop, will you? But, Jack, you're going to be gone a whole week. Aren't you taking any suits? Certainly, I'm taking my blue surge, my tweed, my herringbone, and... Your pinstripe and your gabberdine. Yes, yes. That's five suits. I don't see any of them in the bag. He's weighing them. They don't weigh the passengers. I know what I'm doing. Jack, what are you going to New York for anyway? Oh, I thought I told you, Mary. I'm going to appear at a benefit for the American Heart Association Wednesday night at the Copacabana. Ed Sullivan asked me to be the master of ceremonies. Gee, it'll seem strange. Now, I haven't worked in a nightclub since that summer I was at Syros. I was a sensation there. Oh, you certainly were, Jack. How'd you learn to carry 14 cups of coffee on one arm? Now, I was just showing that trick to a couple of friends of mine. I wasn't working there as a waiter. Then why'd you pick up the tips? Pick up the tips, pick up the tips. 80 cents, you make a big thing out of it. Now, let's see. What else do I need? I better take a couple of sweaters and my... Say, boys. What? Do you want to take your sleeping bag along? No, no. I'll go to a hotel this time. Oh, then you won't need your boy now. No, no. I don't blame you, Jack. There's nothing worse for breakfast than a tough squirrel cooked over the exhaust pipe of a crosstown bus. By the way, Rochester, did you order my tuxedo like I told you to? Yes, it is. All of your tuxedo? Yeah, I told Rochester to take the satin cuffs off the sleeves. You know, satin cuffs are a little dated now. That belt in the back isn't exactly cafe society. It'll do, it'll do. Here, Mary, you better pack the tuxedo. Fold it carefully so I won't have to have it pressed. Okay. Say, Jack, this is a funny place to have a pocket in the back lining of a coat. Oh, that. Well, Mary, I used to do a magic act when I was in vaudeville and that's where I kept my rabbit. That was a pigeon, boss. That was a rabbit. Uh-uh, it was a pigeon. Rochester, this was 15 years ago and you wouldn't remember. It was a rabbit. Boss, it was a pigeon as a matter of fact. When I went through your clothes this morning, I found an egg in that pocket. Well, that was a mothball. I wish you'd told me sooner you had it for breakfast. Well, it smelled like a mothball. But you're right, Rochester, you're right. You know, it was a pigeon I used in my vaudeville act. Her name was Natalie. Yeah, I'll never forget, she used to sit up on my head and coo while I played my violin. That pigeon was so cute sitting on my head. I remember the night they knocked it off with a tomato. Yeah, I wonder what they had against Natalie. Whatever became of that pigeon, boss? Rochester, I'd rather not talk about it. Well, Jack, I want to know too, what became of that pigeon? Well, things got tough for me in vaudeville and I got hungry and oh, let's not talk about it. Now, Mary... Don't worry, Polly, I'm doing all right now. Come on, Mary, let's get this packing finished so that I can... I'll get it. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Dennis, come on in. Hello, Dennis. Hello, Mary. Say, what's all the packing going on? Jack's going to New York. Oh, well, Mr. Benny, as long as you're going to New York, why don't you stay at the Acme Plaza Hotel? My uncle's the house detective there. Your uncle, the house detective? What's his name? Peek-a-boo McNulty. Peek-a-boo McNulty? He must be some detective. Oh, he's wonderful. During the war, he was a spy, but the enemy caught him, put him up against the wall and executed him. Wait a minute, kid. You just said he's working at the Acme Plaza Hotel. After the war, they had to give him his job back. Look, Dennis, I got a lot of packing to do, so don't bother me now, will ya? Okay, do you mind if I go into the other room and practice my song a bit? No, no, go right ahead. Go in the living room, there's a player piano in there. Now, come on, Mary, and help me finish. See, if I got everything, I'll be going out nights to New York, so I'll need a... Come in! Here's that suitcase you wanted. Oh, thanks, Phil. I'm glad you brought it. Mine is so shabby. It's nice you lent it to me. Boy, get the load of those labels on it. Yeah, I used to take it with me when I was on the road playing them one-night stands. Oh. Hey, Jack, look at this label here. Ritz Cotton Hotel, empty jug, Texas. Empty jug, Texas? I killed him that time. I heard of the place. Where is empty jug, Phil? It's about 50 miles this side of Rackham Up, Kansas. Empty jug, Rackham Up. Phil, why don't you get booked into cities like Fort Worth, Houston, San Antonio, or Dallas? Leave me alone, Jackson. I know my market. Well, I'm glad you do. At least you're not kidding yourself. Hey, Dad, how long are you going to be in New York? Well, I'm going to do the hard benefit on Wednesday night, and then if I have time, I'll see what's going on in television. Oh, television, huh? Well, look, while you're talking, you can tell them I'll consider going on television when they get larger screens. Larger screens? They've already had them up to 16 inches. 16 inches ain't nothing. If you don't get Harris' life size, you're getting robbed. Well, maybe you're right, Phil. You were a riot and empty jug. Yeah. Now, come on, Mary, let's pack my things in the suitcase Phil brought over. Okay. First, I'll take the, uh... Oh, for heaven's sake, Phil. What happened, Liv? I've seen all these labels on Alice's bag. That ain't Alice's bag. The boys in the band gave it to me for a present. That's mine. Yours? But look at those initials. A-F. That stands for angel face. Phil, Phil, the boys in your band call you angel face? Well, what else could you call a guy who looks like me? Did you hear that, Mary? Yeah. Thank goodness. I thought I was the only one. Now, I heard it. It made me sick, but I heard it. Me too. Well, have a nice strip, Jackson. I gotta go home now and cut some little round holes in the side of my Chevrolet. Cut holes in the side of your Chevrolet? For what? I want my kids to think I got a Buick. Goodbye, angel. What a character, angel face. He always makes up those silly names of towns to empty jug. Mr. Bill, your bag is all packed. Good. I haven't got too much time, so we better leave for the airport. You want to ride down with me, Mary? Oh, sure, Jack. Rochester, get the car, will you? Okay. Who can that be? I'll get it. Hello? Jack Benny, please. This is Jack Benny. I have a long distance call for you from Las Vegas. Long distance, eh? Is it, uh... Is it, uh... Why don't you take a chance? Oh, all right. Put them on. Here's your party. Hello? Hello, Jack. This is Don. Oh, Don, what are you doing in Las Vegas? Up here getting a suntan. But, Don, you just had three days of sun and palm springs. Well, that took care of my right side. Now I'm getting some on my left side. Well, I can't understand it all. When you were over in Palm Springs, why didn't you just roll over? I did. Now I'm in Las Vegas. Well, that's logical, Don. That's logical. Don, what did you call me for? Well, Jack, the quartets up here with me, and when they heard you were going to New York, they made me get you on the phone so they could say goodbye to you. Oh, the sportsmen, eh? Well, put them on, Don. Here they are. Give our regards to Broadway. Remember us to CBS. Tell all of us. He'll have every level. And when I'll just surely see you. So tell their way to smoke, and there'll be sure and bright. Brown and vermin fully. And take a drive through Central Park and smoke a lot. Be ill, but you should be. Gentleman. Shouting the praises of that Savior. Dennis, you want to drive down to the airport with us? I'd like to, but I got my bicycle with me. I'll meet you there. Okay. Come on, Rochester. Get the car. And it'll take you right to the airport. You mean buttons and bags? I think I'll see Fred. It won't be necessary this time. I sent him my old clothes by parcel code. He wanted them in time for the Easter parade. Anyway, I might run into him when I... He's on his bicycle. Oh, yeah. Pass him, Rochester. Rochester, I don't want to miss my plane. You know, it's a very important benefit. Pull over the curb. Take my bag. I wonder where the... Oh, there's one. Oh, red cap, will you... He looked at me and walked away. There's another one. Oh, red cap, will you take my... He walked away, too. Here comes another one, Jack. Oh, yes. I'll take your bag for you, Mr. Benny. Oh, thank you. Thank you. You know, I can't understand it when I call those other red caps. They walked away, but you came right over. Well, I figured if you can do a benefit, so can I. I'll have to do this for nothing. Take my bag, and here's a tip for you. Gee, thanks. Now I can get my head shined. Come on, Mary. Let's go inside. 76 for Phoenix, Dallas, and Washington, D.C., now loading at gate two. Mary, let's go over to the information desk. I want to find out if my plane's going to leave on time. Light 43, now arriving on runway six from Galveston, Houston, Fort Worth, and empty... I thought Phil was kidding. Say, Mary, before I go over to the information desk, I want to get some magazines. Okay, while you're doing that, I'll get your ticket validated. Oh, thanks, thanks. Oh, you bud, long time no see. Huh? Oh, oh, hello. Oh, that's that racetrack from San Anita. Oh, he's bothered me. I'll meet you back here, Mary. Okay. Give my regards to Broadway. Remember me to... Hello, Mr. Benny! Well, hello! Kessler, are you going away on a trip? Flying to visit my sister in New York. She had a baby boy, and I haven't seen him yet. Oh, well, that's nice. How does it feel being an uncle? I'm getting used to it. He's 26 now. Your nephew is 26 years old, and you haven't seen him yet? Mm-hmm, that's right. Here, look, I got a picture of him. Say, he's a nice-looking fellow. But if he's 26, why doesn't he cut off those long curls? Hmm, his boss won't let him. His boss? Mm-hmm. That's funny. Who does he work for? Phil Spitalny. Oh, your nephew is a musician. Ooh, ooh, ooh! You heard, Mr. Benny, you heard of Evelyn and her magic violin? Yes. This is Sam and he's thinking sexy folk. Oh, well, then he... Then he isn't much of a musician, huh? No, no, but he sings pretty good. You should hear him when he imitates Phil Harris. Oh, won't you come with me to early Bami? There we'll meet my dear old Bami. She's frying eggs and broiling corn beef. That's what I like about his sound. This isn't corn beef, it's broiling hammy. If he doesn't eat it, why should he sing about it? Got it. Anyway, Mr. Kitzel, I'll see you on the plane. Okay, Mr. Benny. Okay. Well, let's see, I'll take these two magazines and maybe I'll get a book. Attention, please. Attention. Flight number 19, now loading at gate 5. I might get hungry on the plane. Maybe I ought to buy some fruit or something. See, these apples look good. Yeah, I'll get some of these apples. Oh, miss! Miss! Oh, darn it, she's busy. Well, I'll just have to wait. Hey, bud. Huh? Come here a minute. Look, look, fella, I... What are you doing? I'm buying some fruit. What kind? I'm buying apples. Uh-uh, take the oranges. Hey, I don't want oranges. How about grapes? Haven't got a chance, they're carrying too many seeds. Oh, well, what about the bananas? I've been watching them for three days. I have yet to see one of them get out of the bunch. I don't know. Listen to me, bud. Take the oranges. The oranges? They can't miss. Look at the breeding. Out of Pomona by Smudge Park. I wanted apples. I wanted apples, maybe you're right. I'll take the oranges. Okay, okay, and peel them. Don't be a sucker. How could that happen? Oh, yes, the information desk. Pardon me, are you the information clerk? No, no, they put me behind these bars for toasting marshmallows. Look, mister, I'm in a hurry. Now, when do I leave for New York? I don't know, but it can't be too soon for me. Now, wait a minute, you're here to give me information. Well, if you tell me what flight you're on, I'll tell you when you leave. Oh, I'm taking flight 58. A flight 58 leaves at 745, makes one stop at Kansas City, flies at an altitude of 17,000 feet at a speed of 300 miles per hour. They serve dinner and breakfast, the pilot's names are Frank and Harry, they arrive in New York at 9 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, Bone Voyage, and I hope you get sick. Wise guy, I'd punch you right in the nose if I didn't have to take off five coats. I'll be more civil or I'll report you to the management. What gate does my plane leave from? At number nine. That's better. How long will the flight take? At ten hours. Well, that's good. Are the seats comfortable? Ooh, how's that? Now, let's see, where did Mary go? Oh, there she is. Attention, please, flight 21 now leaving for San Joaquin Valley, Sun Valley, Imperial Valley, and Apple Valley. Oh, my goodness, that's my plane. I gotta run. Goodbye, Mary. Goodbye. Okay, and I'll wait here from the window. Oh, boy. Watch the step getting into the plane, please. I forgot my orange. It destroys millions of dollars worth of property and takes thousands of lives. Most of these fires could have been prevented. Be cautious. Protect your life, your property, and your home. Thank you. Put you on the right level to feel and do your level best. That's why it's so important for you to select and smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. For, as you know, LSMFT, LSMFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. No wonder luckies are the overwhelming choice of tobacco experts. Men who can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Yes, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And this fine Lucky Strike tobacco picks you up when you're low, calms you down when you're tense. Put you on the right level, the lucky level, where you feel your best and do your best. So next time you buy cigarettes, ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. Yes, when you are. Feeling low. Feeling tense. These hate words are common sense. Smoke a lucky to feel level. Well, in just a few hours, we'll be in New York. Yes, it was a wonderful treat. That's right. By the way, Mr. Benny, is somebody meeting you by the airport in New York? Yes, yes. That's Sullivan and his benefit committee. Who's meeting you, Mr. Kitzel? Chairman of Stinking Sexuality. Well, that's nice. Gentlemen, be sure to hear Dennis Day in a day in the life of Dennis Day. Stay tuned for the Emma Sandish show, which follows immediately. And don't forget the CBS Sunday Night lineup. This is CBS The Columbia Broadcasting System.